Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
( See volume 1 below)
The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox
So there was only one thing left to do …
YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
“ Greetings from Grand Isle “
I took a sip and this is what followed…
Duke !!
Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!
9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.
After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :
1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.
2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.
We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.
The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
Rocky balboas on the song
Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas
This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.
We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.
Thang 2
Back to the Future 49 Corridor
Format :
7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.
Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey
Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.
YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.
Exercise: Wide Merkins
1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)
Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.
Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys
2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?
AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.
No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”
Exercise: Diamond Merkins
3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
Who played bond? – Roger Moore
Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)
One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.
Exercise : Leg Raises
(Hidden Music Daily Double)
4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.
Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
Not all apiarist wear capes.
We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.
**this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
Apollo Onos (2 is one)
5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)
Finisher :
Carolina Dry docks
6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?
The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.
We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .
By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.
Announcements
-Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
-Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
-Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
-Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.
Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.
-Goose prayed us out
-Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.
It’s a joy to lead ya men
Postscript:
Merkin History Repeats Itself
Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.
In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.
Let’s take a look:
*This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.
Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.
Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.
Cricket: chirps*
Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.
Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?
Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.
Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?
White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.
Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.
They decided to suffer together.
Their chest and their souls were all better for it.
SYITG
Dox
