The Killer Burpees
The Killer Burpees

The Killer Burpees

Date:09/02/2019
QIC:Kuch
PAX:Abacus, Baloo, Breadsticks, Briefs, Short Bus, Shorty, Tug Boat, Gideon, Walleye, Thumb War, Frac Sac, Screw Top

We had a nice breeze Monday morning when we arrived at the UNO Human Performance Center for the newly dubbed Chamber of Horrors. The instructions were simple – do the Iron Pax week 1 challenge, consisting of an aggregate 150 yards of broad jumping, 150 yards of bear crawling, 150 burpees, 150 big boy situps, and 150 Bonnie Blairs. The challenge itself was anything but simple. Everyone rose to the occasion anyway, and we all completed it in under 40 minutes. Breadsticks paced us at right around 31 minutes.

When I first began F3, I could not do a burpee. Rather, worse, I did not even know how to do a burpee. First, I did something of a squat thrust, completely omitting the merkin and the jump. In fact, I thought the guys jumping and clapping after each rep were taking a victory lap on me or something. Look at me, this is so easy I’m gonna let you know each time I complete one by jumping and clapping for myself. I thought my squat thrusts were pretty damn good, even if I could only do about 5 of them before exhaustion.

Then, I found out the jump portion was not optional. This makes a lot of sense in hindsight, and my only defense is that I function at something less than optimal mental processing at 5:30 in the morning, especially before I got used to it. Squat thrust + jump. Okay fine, I can do this, but I don’t have to like it.

Then I noticed the merkin part. Ohhhhhhh. When guys around me are generally saying to no one in particular “watch your form on those burpees”, they’re totally talking to me, right? Damn.

Since then, I have made burpee form something of a personal crusade. It’s funny how you can take something you’re bad at, and really focus on it, and all of a sudden, it’s not so bad anymore. You crack the code. By paying careful attention to each step AND committing to yourself to never do 9 when 10 is called, to never cheat on form, and to never accept less than your best, you can improve.

And so if I’m a bit of a burpee nazi with others sometimes, please accept my apologies. I wish someone had more directly told me that I was not doing burpees correctly early on in my F3 career. This is the form I at least attempt to emulate at all times:

Chest all the way to the ground; everything hits at once. Back straight.

If you ever see me doing them wrong or dogging them or you think I’m cutting a corner, please return the favor. Don’t let me get away with cheating myself, and I won’t let you get away with cheating yourself. Deal?

Afterwards, we gave prayers of thanks for all we have, and enjoyed a coffeeteria at Starbucks on Harrison.