The Incredible Weight of Zero* – from Steve
The Incredible Weight of Zero* – from Steve

The Incredible Weight of Zero* – from Steve

Date:2022-08-29
QIC:Steve
PAX:Akbar, Bacchus, Bushwacker, Quarterpipe, Steve, The Hammer, Waterpik

Week 0. Meaningless. Inconsequential. Akin to a preseason Saints game with Ian Book in for all four quarters. A mere hors d’oevres for the real deal, which starts next week. A warm up, really.

I’m sure the seven pax that posted – most of them blithely unaware of what was to go down this morning (despite the leak on slack) – would agree with this. I am sure they would not have preferred to do the simple four corners mosey down to the lakefront and back that YHC had originally planned. I mean, these Greenwood guys gently ramp up the Iron Pax challenges each week anyway, right?

Ugggghhh… let’s hope not. The Fat Coe Sandwich, as this beatdown is called, is a brutal joke for a week zero beatdown. It consisted of:

– 20x Squat Thrusters w/ coupon, 20x merkins. Rinse and repeat 5x.

– Bear crawl 100 feet, burpee broad jump back (3x burpees, 5x jumps). Rinse and repeat 3x.

– 20x Squat Thrusters w/ coupon, 20x merkins. Rinse and repeat 5x.

Woof. That’s rough. For a Monday morning, that’s real rough. And for a Monday morning where you ran a few miles from your home to the Marsh, well, that’s just plain mean. (As always, t-claps to Hammer and Waterpik.)

Luckily we had Bacchus, a Southshore transplant that Quarterpipe EH’d the night before, post and inspire us with his incredible athleticism. For a guy that hadn’t posted in two years (I believe?), this guy was unbelievable. I mean, if I hadn’t proctored the event myself, I probably wouldn’t have believed it.

To see him go toe to toe with Bushwacker, the man whose bear crawl is as fast as my running, was just incredible. While Bush still had the edge on the crawls, Bacchus’ broad jumps were something to behold. Eventually he just outpaced us all, by a long shot. And it wasn’t just the endurance and speed, he was slinging those cinderblocks like they were nothing. It’s like Grundy, Tank, and Cowbell somehow had an incredibly tall child together.

YHC cannot recall the times – I know Bacchus was in the 18 min range (almost 19 mins) and Bush was in the 21 min range, and everyone else was 25 mins and beyond.

Incredible job, everyone. To get out there on a Monday morning and complete this challenge – or even attempt it – is incredibly inspiring. T-claps to Akbar, who prodded me to run with this instead of something easy. And t-claps to Bacchus, of course, for his first Northshore post and a memorable one at that.

And hey, as it sounds like Week Zero could ultimately provide an edge in the case of a tie breaker, well, this month’s contest – on the Northshore at least – could conceivably already be in the books.