Sometime back in February, “the algorithm” presented to YHC a video of Klootschiten, a wintertime Dutch road-bowling game that includes pulling along a liquor wagon. It’s a team sport, with rules similar to golf, and the course is a series of roads. So, in the spirit of “everything is a beatdown,” it seemed like a good way to get some running in for a Tuesday during RCR… but the full Q sheet pushed it into March. Instead of a wagon, one team member would haul a coupon. And before each throw, the team would do the number of burpees corresponding to which number throw they are on. The man with the coupon would do 2x curls instead.
On Kloot-day, however, YHC’s back was tweaked, so I opted to alternate Goosies on the even numbers. And when you get to throw number 20… no, 10, you start over at one again. You know what, let’s make it 20.
But first, Goose requested trivia. And we had a downranger MerMan to impress…
So, what are the 3 main countries who participate in this sport?
YHC pronounced “Klootschiten” with the hardest, most severe German accent I could force. Of course, Goose’s first guess was “Ireland.” Which was correct.
Yankee Jeaux obviously knew the answer, but apparently all he heard was a challenge, and could only chatter back a seemingly unending string of Germanic jibberish.
Still, after 5 penalty burpees, YHC counted that as a correct answer.
Montana rounded out the correct answers with The Netherlands. The man was burned by those Aldi cookies, and now knows that things inspired by Germany may actually be Dutch.
Teams were formed and off we went. Team Goose-Dox-Merman cleverly threw their kloot under the dumpster early, so they could not hear (ignore) an important rules change that would undoubtedly change the course of Kloot history forever.
Sometimes you get a feeling that Goose is going to beat you, but what can you do? I’ll tell you what you can do—you don’t just roll over and let it happen. No, what you do is you make the rules ambiguous enough, or you change them enough times that Goose accidentally cheats.
And so the righteous teams did probably like 3 times more burpees and Goosies and curls, but Team Green was gracious enough to come back and pick up the losers.
While two teams were still hammering away on the course, the other team was hanging out at the flag. YHC had a contingency plan. A reverse Dora was written on a cardboard box. 400 Imperial Walkers (MOT Fox Holes), 200 curls (MOT lunge walk), 100 WJs (MOT mosey). Team Yankee Popeye Pope was instructed to begin.
But there was too much confusion about whether a backwards Dora could actually exist, or if there was some new reading style in which you read the bottom-to-top. The schism resulted in Popeye Imperial Walking Alone. (For the record, there is no language on Earth read bottom to top).
YHC’s team limped into last place with time enough for a quick YJ favorite. With Lent nigh, it was time to “Give it Up.” YHC had spent an inadvisable amount of time selecting the right remix… but ultimately found one in which there are somewhere between 40 and 50 triggers, 75% of which occur in the last 30 seconds. So we held plank, merkined on each “give it up,” and mountain-climbed during any musical interludes. While most of the PAX were groaning, Yankee Joe was grinning, and at least once I swear I heard him mutter “my precious.” There has since been wild speculation of a YJ 45-minute “Give it Up Remix” BD.
All that was left was a few minutes of Mary, primarily to answer the burning question “What does WJ stand for?!?!”
COT
Push up Pimp was transferred sub rosa from White Meat to Pope
Goose prayed us out
Always an honor to lead you men.
SYITG,
AB
