F3 New Orleans

Tag: Zoolander

  • A Pictogram is Worth a Thousand Words

    *Stick figures not to scale, rep counts lost in the haze of the last few weeks.

  • All Aboard! Hahahaha – 1 Yr Anniversary

    At this time last year, I showed up to my first lakefront beatdown (thanks Russo), and almost didn’t come back. I was a gym rat, couldn’t run a mile, ate like crap, and hovered around 190. But I was intrigued by the companionship of the PAX that day, the leadership focus, how no man was left behind, and pressed on. I attended Saturdays through September, then cancelled my gym membership, and went all in averaging 4 days a week, including the scramble (thanks Shooter). Since then, I’ve lost 25 pounds, done CSAUPS and F2 events, and ran 80 miles last Feb during Run Ranger Run. My only regret is that I didn’t find this earlier.

    PAIN TRAIN

    26 posted (6 under 17) at the mothership Saturday to help celebrate YHC’s 1 year anniversary, and take a ride on the Pain Train. We traveled from the flag to the shaft, stopping at 8 pain stations along the way, accompanied by motivational tunes. *I understand that most songs could not be heard, songs are listed after each station

    Pre-Thang: 2 miler

    Warmorama:  Arm Circles, SSH, Torso Twist, Self-Love, Hillbillies x10 IC

    THANG:  All About the Benjamins – Everything equals 100 reps.

    • Exercise 1: 25 reps at the wall
    • Travel in various ways 55 feet to the flags
    • Exercise 2: 25 reps, run back to the wall Rinse and repeat
    • Total of 50 reps of each exercise
    • All exercises done OYO, plank for the six

    Pain Station’s 1 and 2

    1. Freak Nasty, Bear Crawl, Mountain Climbers
    2. Run, repeat
    3. Dirkins, Flying Nun (Lunge with arm circles), Twinkle Toes (Al Gore calf raises)
    4. Run, Repeat
    • It’s All About the Benjamin’s,  P.Diddy et all
    • C’Mon ‘N’ Ride it (The Train), Quad City DJ’s
    • Crazy Train, Ozzy Osbourne
    • Breathe, The Prodigy
    • Song 2, Blur

    Pain Station 3: Let the Good Times Roll

    Burpees on Good Times Roll, air presses in between.

    • Let the Good Times Roll, The Cars

    Pain Station’s 4 and 5:

    1. Bulgarian Split Squats, Army Crawl, Superman’s
    2. Run, repeat
    3. Stone Mountain, Crawl Bear, Renegade Row (1 arm plank, 1 arm row)
    4. Run, repeat
    • The Kill, Thirty Seconds to Mars
    • Firestarter, The Prodigy
    • Fly from the Inside, Shinedown

    Pain Station 6: The SSH Motivator

    IC 10 full SSH, Shoulder level, down and out, then hands at sides, then 9 each, then 8, etc. non-stop

    • ‘Till I Collapse, Eminem & Nate Dogg
    • Gonna Fly Now, Bill Conti (Rocky Theme Song)

    Seemed easy enough, but what ensued was a painful comedy of errors. YHC had a tough time conveying and keeping the order of positions, which kept us out of synch just a tad. To curious onlookers it must have looked like a bunch of birds trying to take flight.

    After a while it seemed it would never end, why was it taking so long, why do I feel like I’m about to collapse? I kept my gaze at Bushwacker (who brought us The Motivator), seeking some rescue by mental telepathy – but all I got was a big smile.

    Legend has it the Arnold Schwarzenegger and his buddies would go camping and do squats until they couldn’t stand any more. This was not to be our fate, we would persevere!

    Later in the day I sought advice from the engineering mind of Grover and he did not hold back. “You did it wrong dad: the positions were wrong and you did a double count instead of single.”

    Ah, all makes sense now. So we did 440 SSH instead of 220. Way to hang in there guys.

    Pain Station 7

    Merkins on New Day Rising, plank in between

    Pain Station 8: Mary IC

    1. 8 ct Peter Parker Merkins (Perkins) x10
    2. Crunchy Frogs x20
    3. LBC x50
    4. LMC x25

    Count, Name-o-rama, Welcome FNG Laces!

    COT: Prayers for the crazy world we are in, safety, and thanks for blessings.

    Coffeteria: Book and the Bean

    All said and done, including WU and Mary – 1096 reps, 100 yards of crawls, 100 yards of runs

    Thanks for a great year, friendships, pushing me beyond what I ever thought I could do, and the opportunity to lead.

    SYITG – Akbar

  • QUAD-rophenia

    Blame Akbar.  This was his doing, really.  His “block party,” (henceforth known as ‘Akbar’s Abomination’) – which was preceded by Tank’s Murph – pretty much guaranteed that Saturday’s beatdown would focus on legs and core.  

    But first, the pre-thang : the usual 2 miles out and back with the usual suspects.  Now, YHC was definitely not looking at Bushwacker’s butt.  And neither was Tank.  But I mean, really, when the guy’s shorts are that tight and he’s running in front of you, it’s hard not to take note.  Looked like he had those things painted on.  Tank was comfortable enough in his masculinity to throw out a few catcalls.  Though, judging by Wacker’s mustache (which was recently tamed from a Guy Fawkes-type stache to a more respectable – and less anarchistic – Tom Selleck-type), it is possible that he is more in tune with the modern trends of the day and hey, what do I know, maybe the short shorts are making a comeback this year?

    Yes, this was created with MS Paint.

    Back at the flag, there was a surprisingly large group milling about.  Most noticeable were all the 2.0’s.  It was great to see the Baby Yoda, Pope, and Pixie Stick (along with Grover, who is now a fixture at most beatdowns) posting alongside their fathers.  Also of note, the (second) return of Backdraft, who’s already committed to leading in the near future.

    Warmorama: Good mornings, torso twists, IWs, toe touches, SSHs, merkins, shoulder taps, high knees, all at or around 15x IC.

    Somewhere around the SSH’s, Sparky shows up.  Turns out Bushwacker does not stand alone in his love of Magnum P.I.

    The Thang:

    Simple enough opening routine: Lt. Dan’s to the gazebo.  Which, okay, yes, is about 400 yards.  And felt longer.  But at least the guys had some time to catch up.  

    Next, Core COP: The Bruce Lee.  We’d do all six exercises, x20 IC, then take a 30 second break:

    • Hammers
    • Leg Raises
    • LBCs
    • Heel Touches
    • Crunchy Frogs
    • 100’s

    Rinse & Repeat. Initially we were going to do three rounds, but honestly, YHC can’t multitask – I can either call out cadence for 6 routines or I can suffer through them properly, but doing both proved too much for a third round.  So onward to the bridge!

    Partner up for a Dora:

    P1 runs up and over the bridge and back to swap with P2, who begins knocking out the cumulative reps of:

    • 100 Merkin Toe Touches
    • 200 Freak Nasties
    • 300 Squats

    Nearly out of time, YHC called it so we could make it back to the flag promptly.  Double lined Indian Run back to the flag, where we closed it out with a quick set of Jane Fonda’s.

    Countdown, namerama, and welcoming of FNG Pixie Stick!

    Grover closed us out in a prayer of thanks and everyone set out to coffeteria.  YHC feels blessed to have this group of men pushing me to be a better version of myself.  It felt good to be back out there with such a large group (25 men!), and to see the gift of F3 passed on to so many 2.0’s.  Thank you men for the opportunity to lead!  

  • 50 Reasons to Come Out and Play

    As the clock turned 6:30, the pacs who dared to walk outside during the corona virus hysteria, could not help but notice the coupons that were awaiting them for the beat down. But before we get to that, let’s warm up……

    Forward arm circles – 10 IC, Reverse arm circles -10 IC, Overhead Claps – 10 IC, Cherry Pickers – 10 IC, Air presses – 10IC

    At this point there were murmurs among-st the group in regards to my choice of warm up exercises given the coupons that were awaiting them, but those murmurs fell on def ears of the Q.

    Side Straddle Hops – 10 IC, High Knees – 10 IC, Butt Kicks – 10 IC, Imperial Walkers – 10 IC, 10 Merkins – OYO, 10 Plank Jacks – OYO, 10 Groiners – OYO, 10 Eight Count Body Builders – IC

    For those pacs that did not attend this beat down, but are wondering what the coupons could have been. Well read no further, 50 lb Bags of Sand. Each pac gets a partner. Each team of two is responsible for getting their 50 lb bag of sand to the shaft. Pac 1 to carries bag one block, while other pac ran ahead and planked until partner got there. Rinse and repeat until you arrive at shaft. Every one planks until 6 gets there, which in this case, and most cases, was yours truly.

    Keeping with the theme of 50 for 50 lb bags of sand, I kept the reps at 50 for the next group of exercises.

    Keeping your same partner, Pac 1 will run from shaft to designated oak tree and back while other pac performs burpees with bag of sand. Bag gets lifted to shoulders after merkin and groiner of burpee is performed, and bag is than pressed above head at end of burpee. Each team performs 50 in total.

    With same partner, Pac 1 will carry bag of sand overhead with arms extended to same oak tree and back while partner performs crunchy frogs. Rinse and repeat until 50 crunchy frogs are completed between both partners.

    At this point, I could see that the 50 lbs were literally weighing down the group. I decided to quote the great 6 time Olympia Winner, Dorian Yates in an attempt to rally the troops. “Muscle growth is an adaptation to stress.” Not sure if that helped, but I am just a Dorian Yates fan.

    Pac 1 bear crawls to oak tree and runs back to shaft. Before taking off on bear crawl, Pac 1 places the bag of sand on their partners back, so that they can perform merkins. Rinse and repeat until 50 merkins are completed between both partners.

    Time for some Mary…..At this point, many were thinking, yes, some Mary. We get a break from the bag of sand, not so much…..

    Stay with same partner. Partner one performs LMCs – 20 IC while holding bag of sand above their head. Partner two holds plank at elbows until LMCs are completed. . Partners trade off and perform same exercises

    Exercise #2 for Mary was a modification of dead cock roaches. While performing dead cock roaches, the bag of sand is held above head, 20 IC. Partner without bag performs flutter kicks, 20 IC. Partners trade off and perform same exercises. I knew I struck gold with the modified dead cock roached when I heard Grundy say, “These are tough.”

    With only ten minutes to go, I wanted to get a competition in before the beat down was over. Pacs broke into two teams. Object of competition was to see who could stack the bags of sand the fastest without the bags falling over. If your tower of sand fell over, you automatically lost. Only rules were that only one pac could move bag(s) of sand at a time, and the next pac could not touch or move a bag(s) of sand until the previous pac returned. Team 1 got smoked. They finished in 2 minutes and 9 seconds. Team 2, with a FRESH Capt Sparkles, finished in 59 seconds. Zoolander did his best by knocking over their tower of sand before Capt placed the last bag on top. Good effort Zoolander, but we got beat.

    At this point in the beat down, those 50 lb bags of sand had changed to anywhere from 0 to 45 lbs. Thank Goodness. In a collective effort, all packs were able to get remaining bags back to flag by swapping off between each other. Team Work makes the Dream Work. Kudos to Baby Yoda for powering his weigh through this work out. At 68 lbs, he was carrying, pulling, pushing and bag of sand that was nearly 75% of his body weight. The force is strong in that one Bush Wacker.

    The Manny Prayed us out!!!!!

  • The Return of Captain Sparkles!

    An unexpected hero materialized out of the gloom this morning: Captain Sparkles, the firefighting leader of men with his amulet of FD power returned to show the PAX how a real man carries another man through a tunnel.

    Warm-ups were SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles, IW’s and Butt Kicks. Then, we moseyed to the tunnel for the thang that YHC has been dreading for two days:

    THANG: Basic premise is moving through the tunnel using a variety of methods with 10 burpees after each. All methods of forward progress (except the alligator crawl, which could only be completed halfway up the opposite ramp) were accomplished on both the down and up ramps with a short, slow-mosey break on the flat part at the bottom, and each followed by 10 burpees at the top.

    Started with lunge walk, then crab walk, then partner carry, flapjacking for a second round after burpees. This is where Captain Sparkles’ years of fire rescue skills left YHC in the dust carrying Zoolander on his back, confidently riding like an ostrich-jockey (metaphor provided by Hammer). Next was the brutal alligator crawl, followed by back-pedal, then sprint, and finally bear crawls (and 80 burpees overall).

    After arriving back to the flag two minutes over time, COT, and Hammer prayed us out.

    Thanks, gents, for your willingness to persevere and for giving YHC a reason to finish what we started this morning.

    See you in the gloom!

  • He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

    From Goose: As the PAX circled in the light of a cold Saturday morning, YHC received for the first time as Q the focused look of many men trying to guess the type and magnitude of the pain they’re about to endure. And, though the beatdown wasn’t an overwhelming challenge for most, it was certainly a different experience than they could have guessed.

    Warm-ups consisted of IC: SSH, Seal Jacks, Windmills, toe touches, high knees, and butt kicks. 

    The Thang was varied and sundry:

    First, moseyed to the small open field area before the gazebo and broke into two teams of eight, then into groups of four facing each other about 10 yards apart for 6 rounds of shuttle runs using small cones for moveables. Each round was followed by decreasing numbers of burpees and big-boy sit-ups.

    Then, moseyed about half a mile away from the flag, just over the bridge to a larger open field. Here, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we all got a little closer with some touchy-feely quality time. 

    This started with the Tunnel of Love during which all PAX lined up shoulder to shoulder in plank position while the man on the end army crawled through the tunnel followed by the next until all had wormed their way through and all jokes about overhead clearance were exhausted.

    We then flipped onto our 6 for the Bridge of Hate: all PAX lying shoulder to shoulder as the man on the end lowers himself onto the row of eager hands to be passed, crowd-surfing style, to the end. Each man endured the slow, sloppy process, though wardrobes threatened to malfunction, and the use of knees became necessary to move more than a few men. (Grover, however, being last, was shot like a javelin down the line.)

    This was followed by Three Amigos: the PAX split into groups of three, and each group stood back to back, linked arms, and dropped into a chair-sit position. They then walked in that position about ten yards, completed five copperhead squats together, and squat-walked back.

    We finished in that field with four rounds of exercises (50 LBC’s, 40 SSH, 30 jump squats, and 20 Merkins) each followed by a forty yard sprint into a ten yard army crawl.

    We moved back to flag using a lighter version of a Bataan Death March: Indian Run with the last man stopping and doing three burpees before catching up, tapping the new last man (so he can stop and do burpees), and running to the front. The line was long and the distance short, so most only had one round, but with the time left at the flag, we completed one round of vacuum cleaners and a couple of side-plank domino/waves in a circle. 

    Vacuum cleaners: partner 1 holds partner 2’s legs wheelbarrow-style and moves forward ten yards where partner 1 does 5 Derkins, then moves backwards in the same position to the start before flapjacking. Communication was key for this one, and hand-walking backwards was unexpectedly brutal.

    COT, Count, Name, and Maverick prayed us out.

    Thanks to all who posted for this VQ!  It’s truly an honor to journey with this crew!

  • 5 Years of F3?

    I should be in better shape by now. I haven’t been as intense as many of you, and I’ve definitely taken some chunks of time off, but I keep coming back. I come back because of you. Thanks for pushing me harder than I ever would have gone on my own.

    We did a workout that followed the evolution of what types of exercises were popular in each of the last five years (at least through the eyes of Maverick – maybe your experience was different).

    We kicked things off with a 2015 style warmup:

    Side straddle hops, imperial walkers, peter parkers, parker peters, and some arm circles.

    And then off to what I remember doing lots of in 2015: Animal Planet. Spider Crawl, Bear Crawl, Crab Walk, Backwords Bear Crawl.

    Then in 2016 running workouts with stations became popular:

    To re-live that we had four stations around Noah’s Arc. 1st: 5 burpees, 2nd: 20 merkins, 3rd: 30 squats, 4th: 40 LBCs. oh – and from this point forward anytime we heard “Sudden Change” shouted we all had to stop where we were and do 5 burpees. This happened several times during the workout. A pax popularized this in 2016 but it hasn’t been much since.

    In 2017 I remember partner exercises being in vogue:

    So we did a partner carry, leg throws, swap, repeat. Then a wheelbarrow with our partner, leg throws, etc..

    In 2018, I moved to the Northshore and remember several rounds of Tabata. I might have brought a few of those. Quick modified Tabata with high knees, butt kicks, flutter kicks, and mountain climbers.

    In 2019 games became popular. These have been some of my favorite workouts. We brought back a game played on the southshore one crazy morning in 2016 which was ultimate frisbee but the catch was we could only move by bear crawl. Ugh. We used a football and only got to do a couple of drives because of time.

    That brings us to 2020. Who knows what new exercises we’ll be doing this year, but we’re off to a good start. We did partner merkins. Maybe its new, I don’t know. Saw it in a NYC subway station a few weeks ago. Strange. Face your partner – merkin together, come up and give your partner five with your left hand, repeat with right hand, we did this x20.

    And finally we brought back something I did on my VQ. I was scanning the F3 wesbite looking for something unique to bring and not disappoint. I found Roxanne which has been a staple ever since. It doesn’t disappoint – still feeling it.

    That’s it. Thanks for a good 5 years. Hopefully many more to come.

    Welcome Diplomat!

    We closed with these words which are possibly attributed to Mother Theresa:

      People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

            If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

           If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

          What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

         If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

      The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

    Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

       In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

  • Records Were Meant To Be Broken

    While a few soldier Pax were recovering from Tanked Up’s overnight 100k Hundo, the rest of us got to work on a clear Breesy Saturday before the Saints stick it to the Vikings on Sunday.

    Pre-thang 2 miler with Turbo, Pik, Freon, Zoo, and FNG Paul.

    We warmed up with Imperial Walkers, Squats, Imperial Squat Walkers, Side Straddle Hops, Sleep Walker 123 (up to 5), and Merkins

    Mosey to Noah’s Ark where Freon took the Q / VQ, and led the beat down, which like Brees’ and Thomas’ records, was nothing short of spectacular. It went like this:

    3 Rounds:

    High Knees 60 50 40

    Mountain Climbers 30 40 46

    Straight Leg Sprints 50 40 30

    —Recovery Run around the Ark—

    Gorilla Crawls 16 20 26

    Jimmie Jumps 50 40 30

    Triple Bear 15 20 21

    Frog Burpees 25 20 15

    —Recovery Run around the Ark—

    For a total of 684 reps equivalent to the sum of Brees’ and Thomas’ record breaking stats (540 all time touchdowns + 144 receptions = 684)

    YHC resumed the Q for some work on the Lake Wall. Irkins, Box Jumps, Derkins, Freak Nasties, Burpee Box Jumps

    Indian Run back to the shovel flag where the Pax indulged QIC with a Kenpo Kooldown.

    Excellent work, Freon! YHC was not feeling creative for this beatdown and enlisted Freon last minute for some hurry-up offense. Not only did he Co-Q/VQ, but he EH’d Psycho and brought FNG Paul, now known as Jukebox.

    Psycho, having escaped the Bates Motel to support Freon, prayed us out.

    Thanks for following our lead men. SYITG.

  • Sayonara 2019!

    YHC got a little too comfortable with all these muggy December mornings and today’s below-40º temps really snuck up on me. I even had some new Christmas gloves I could’ve tested out had I realized before bolting out the door!

    Alas, it wasn’t to be. Upon arriving to Granny’s empty home, YHC realized that this was the final beatdown of 2019. Had I known beforehand, I would’ve tried to make it a bit more special… close out the era with a bang. I’ll just have to double my efforts next Q.

    Happily, though, it wasn’t a sad clown beatdown as the men pulled a Cowbell and rolled in right as the bell rang.

    Warmorama:

    • Arm Circles (forward and back): IC x20
    • Merkins OYO x19
    • SSH, IC x20
    • Torso Twists, IC x19
    • Seal Jacks, IC x20
    • Mountain Climbers, IC x19

    We kept the x19’s going for the next round, which was just a short mosey over to the bus depot benches for:

    • Step Ups (each leg) IC x19
    • Derkins OYO x19
    • Bulgarians (each leg) IC x19
    • Freak Nasties IC x19
    • Lateral Jump-Overs IC x19
    • Box Jumps OYO x19

    Then onward to the tunnel, for a routine that took up the remainder of our time. Performed the following exercises, with a run to the other side and back between each set:

    • 40 Merkins
    • 30 BB sit-ups
    • 20 Jump Squats
    • 10 Burpees
    • 20 Sister Mary’s
    • 30 T-Merkins
    • 40 4-count Flutter Kicks

    Back at the flag for a quick COT, where Zoo prayed us out with blessings for a safe and happy new year. Thank you men for posting this morning and for the opportunity to lead. I look forward to another year of grinding it out with you guys – couldn’t ask for a better group. Happy New Year gents!

  • Misty Morning Beatdown

    YHC ate way too much over his Christmas break and so was quick to respond to Steve’s call to Q this morning. After joining Legal, Hammer and Zoolander for a little Foreplay in the Gloom, YHC circled up the PAX, partnered up with Grover and got down to business with a warmup.

    YHC and Grover rotated warmup exercises of Imperial Walkers, SSHs, Hillbillys, Seal Jacks, Butt Kicks and High Knees, all 20x IC. Good job Grover in leading for the first time.

    The PAX then headed down the Lakefront for a set of Dora 1-2-3s with a partner: 100 hand release Merkins, 200 45 degree lunges, and 300 SSHs with bear crawls and crab walks in between.

    After a brief recovery walk and a short mosey a little further eastward down the Lakefront, YHC set up a few cones for a version of Catch Me if You Can. Partner 1 backpedals about 10 yards from cone 1 to cone 2 while Partner 2 holds at cone 1. As soon as Partner 1 hits cone 2, Partner 2 sprints to try to beat his backpedaling partner to cone 3 about 30 yards away. Recovery walk back with the partners switching spots and then repeating.

    Three more sets with three different partners and it was time to dig into the bag of tricks to retrieve a ball for the next stage of our beat down.

    The PAX divided into three teams, each with a ball, for a race to the Harbor playground. Despite HanDcock, Esquire’s attempt to confuse matters with lawyerly questions, the rules were very simple for the race: PAX cannot run when holding the ball and each time the ball hits the ground the entire team has to do one burpee before getting underway again. Serious high jinx ensued, and YHC cannot even remember who won except that it wasn’t his team.

    The PAX then hit some staggered Merkins and took a brief reprieve and then it was a race back to the starting point, this time using only your non-dominant hand to catch and throw.

    Mosey to the virtual shovel flag for some Mary with dynamic back and front planks.

    Countorama, nameorama and Goose led us out in prayer on our way to the coffeeteria.

    Moleskin

    If you are old and grumpy like YHC and think that our youth should be doing something other than spending all of their time glued to their phones, then you need to meet 9 year old Bear and 17 year old Grover. Bear can bear crawl like, well, a bear and singlehandedly kept his team in contention for the ball games this morning and his dad honest on the hand release Merkins. Grover quickly accepted YHC’s invitation to lead this morning’s warmup and cheerfully executed like a seasoned veteran. It is absolutely fabulous to see these two young men join their dads in the Gloom. Mathlete and Akbar should be very proud of their 2.0s.

    The Krazy Ivan is coming up, Comrades. All Northshore PAX need to clear their calendars for the evening of January 18th. It is imperative that we have maximum participation. The Southshore PAX have been gloating over last year’s victory and posting pictures of themselves with the Freedom Hammer all year. It’s enough to make you sick.