F3 New Orleans

Tag: Yankee Joe

  • The Sound of Goosic – from Paradox

    Paindrops on poses and thick scars on mittens
    Bright cement coupons plus bricks and he’s smitten
    A huge box of cheez-it’s tied up with strings
    These are a few of his favorite things!

    When dat Dawg bites
    When JerfLee Stings
    When he’s not feeling rad
    He simply remembers his favorite things
    Then he doesn’t feel so bad!

    Duke! Stop frolicking in the Alps and roll that footage!

    YHC rolled in guns blazing to a stage audience of 2 for a Goose bday after party celebration. Our man turned 41 on Sunday and after laying down some deep tracks on Saturday (with a Dora that still makes me shudder) and relaxing on Sunday (his actual bday) , YHC could not let him escape without a full Roast . With a massive assist from Gooses M we cooked up a David Letterman style Goose Top Ten and unlocked the vault of Goose t-shirts/costumes to prepare the world to hear the sounds of Goosic.

    Warmups
    Regulars w Lunge Arm circles fresh from YHCs downrange summer camp.

    Tha Favorite Thang

    A David Lettermen Style Investigation as to Why Goose Brought the F3 Flame to Thibodaux

    10. Why did Goose start F3 in Thibodaux?? Some say to plant, grow and serve through male leadership? A fresh out of school journalist may stop there. No sir, not today. YHC knows you have to dig deeper for a full story. We went straight to the source and his M revealed that deep down the ole Gooseberry really just wanted to dance with somebody. (plus he LOVES Whitney Houston, what a coincidence!) So we throupled up and the initial plan was to side shuffle in a back to back throuple while listening to Whitney Houstons “Dance with Somebody” and while doing an air squat high 5 on every “somebody” and every “dance”…well that was the plan. What went down was some sort of joyous rain dance with side shuffling and several modifications later we told Whitney to dance with somebody else.

    9. Maybe he didn’t want to dance. Maybe he just wants a killer badonkadonk ? He did do roughly 5000 Blairs in the month of May ya know. So we throupled up and completed 100 Bonnie Blair with Apolo Onos as a timer and buddy it started to warm up quick.

    8. What if he just wanted to wear ridiculous outfits with his friends in public. I mean there is a history there (see Death Valley Spiderman) –Well it just so happened YHC was in full spiderman attire, so we had to get 10 PP merkins a sidewalk mosey and another 10 PP merkins.

    7. Maybe it was all a ploy to establish a network of IBS brethren so he could express his own flatulence freely? – If you or someone you know is spreading the lie of 1 shart/year then we need more awareness and support for Sharters Anonymous. We completed 10 mountain main poopers (prolly not what those were) side shuffled and then another 10 mountain man poopers.

    6. Perhaps he just wanted to do unlimited uncounted burpees and not worry about the count. Math is stupid. We completed a circle of pain burpee that with 3 pax ended up looking a lot like nonstop burpees. Almost had to put the hose on Goose and YJ for trying to do them too fast.

    5. Was he looking to start the next fashion trend? Animal, GiGi, and lets not forget the eye bleach event of his croptop/yoga pants combo that put several men into therapy. In honor of the Animal we did a Gorilla hop to the sidewalk and back.

    4. Possible that he really just wanted to make an army of super soldiers to continue to defend family values learned from St. JP2? YJ was donning the Polish soccer style shirt as a JP2 tribute and we shoulder to shoulder lunged to the sidewalk with mosey back while listening to…you guessed it “ WE ARE FAMILY!”

    3. Could it all be a way to distract us from the pain of burpees? A well-known event growing in Thibodaux lore is Gooses BurpeePalooza. Pretty simple, he brings a playlist, and we do burpees until we want to quit and that’s the half way point. YHC dialed up his favorite hit from Burpee Palooza #2….Peaches. Burpee on Peaches and modify rest because the spidey costume was getting unbearably hot and YHC was seeing stars.

    2./1. While the above number 10-3 are mostly satirical YHC needed to switch gears here (into my low professional voice) and speak truly about what Goose brings to the table.
    When YHC has come to him as a friend with a tangled mess of struggles he is always there with his simple and sincere phrase : “Gods got you man”. No lengthy theological discourse, no chest beating battle plan. Just his authentic experience that God has led him through struggle , that when we feel surrounded He surrounds us. We listened to “Surrounded/See a Victory” by Mass Anthem and held plank with merkins on” Fight, Victory, Surrounds”. (Thanks to Fancy Pants for this one)

    Wrapped up with Potluck Mary

    COT and YHC prayed us out

    Happy Birthday to ya Goose

    We are grateful for you as a leader, brother, and friend.

    SYITG,

    Dox

  • Life is Hard Sometimes – from Goose

    YHC rolled up in a quiet, lonely truck, happy at least to see a few 2.0’s milling around since Pope and Coyote are still tromping around the mountains of NC for a few more weeks. It was YHC’s birthday Q, and the PAX graciously welcomed me, though with some obvious fear behind their well-wishing eyes. The quiet warmup added to the evidence that these fellas were wary of what was to come–we even had Dox and YJ in the mix, and the chatter was minimal. (Maybe it was the 41 IC SSH, but you had to see that coming.)

    Half the PAX grabbed coupons, and Wet Tap’s patience was tested as he was told to grab one; wait no, don’t; wait we need one more; wait that one’s extra; wait…ok, just run…for now.

    Once we arrived at the lower field, JBL was fired up, and YouTube was required for the first song, Garth Brooks’s “Calling Baton Rouge” since all of his songs are in some kind of digital fortress vault. YHC was born and raised in Baton Rouge. That’s it. That’s why we did it. Plank for the duration and merkins on every “Baton Rouge”. It’s not a long song, so it was pretty much just a warmup for the real Thang since YHC’s pecs haven’t seen much action in the past few months.

    We partnered up for a Dora 1, 2, 3 that reflected YHC’s elementary, high school, and college career. And, this is when we realized we didn’t have enough coupons, so YHC, YJ and Tap argued about who would run back and get one. Tap insisted to the point of being willing to sprint ahead of YHC, but once he was almost there, YJ pointed out that we actually had enough already. So, he was called back. But, then, YHC realized that we actually didn’t have enough because we had a throuple, so I turned to send him back, but thankfully, in his wisdom, Tap had already grabbed it–he was clearly done relying on the collective intelligence of YJ and YHC.

    Goose-life Dora: Partners split duty on 100 kettle bell swings (high school discus champ), 200 Bobby Hurleys (high school basketball non-champ), and 300 coupon rows (LSU rowing team). While Partner 1 cranked on those, Partner 2 gator-merkin crawled (elementary school mascot) 10 yards, did 10 Peter Parkers (original LSU Spiderman–Google it), and ran back. YHC knew this would be tough, that those gator merkins would be ridiculous, and they were. About halfway through, YHC was tempted to switch it to bear crawls or something, but why? Yes, there is a balance the Q must walk between pushing past the PAX’s felt limitations and asking them to do what’s not actually possible or at least practical. YHC felt that tension this morning, but each length, though really hard, was short and ultimately doable. It took everything we had, but the PAX kept going, so no need to modify. We would make memories instead…or maybe cause memory loss.

    After a few 10-counts, we moseyed to the grass next to the Thunderdome for another song reflective of YHC’s time in seminary and working for the Church. These experiences taught YHC that the faith journey doesn’t happen in the world of ideas but in the very real battle and painful mess that is our human experience. And, God is not a senile grandfather living in some far-off heaven whom we have to placate so he might throw us a bone every now and then. He is deeply involved in the mess, and the challenges of life only make sense if we follow His lead, trust in His wisdom, and let him carry us through the battles (interior and exterior). He hasn’t let YHC down, not once, through all the peaks and valleys of his journey.
    The song was “Lord of Hosts” by Shane and Shane, an intense tribute to these truths–Al Gore for the duration (5 minutes) and genuflections on every “God” and “Lord”. Quads were definitely making themselves known at this point.

    Next, YHC shared some details about being led to leave seminary and meet his would be wife, whom he ended up marrying on 9-8-07. In honor of this interesting date, we did The Motivator, counting down from 9. It was interesting to see that the PAX was, at this point, starting to just surrender to what came next–no chatter, just dead eyes and moving into position. Not a bad development.
    YJ mentioned right before this that this was the one-year anniversary of his puke-filled come-back, and YHC wondered if he might be able to force a repeat. He got my hopes up when he peeled off around round 7 and jogged with some urgency to the bathroom, but according to him, it was just for coffee induced urination. Shame.

    Lastly, to honor YHC’s nine kids, each partner did two sets of 35 curls, totaling 70 (the added ages of all 9 kids) honoring the constant picking up of babies. While Partner 1 did curls, Partner 2 did step-ups on the bleachers. 9 kids may seem like a lot, and yes, sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s hard; sometimes the time seems to fly, and at other times it seems to creep. But, regardless of how it feels, if we just keep taking one step at a time, just keep showing up and choosing to love these kiddos despite the constantly changing feelings and circumstances, it is an overwhelming, incredible gift that YHC certainly does not deserve.

    We moseyed back to the flag, coupons in tow, and Smooth prayed us out with his simple, yet sincere style.
    Many T-claps and thanks to YJ for bringing a solid birthday coffeeteria, complete with donuts. And, French Horn kept our spirits high with fun facts about his favorite cults.

    YHC is overwhelmed with gratitude for having been blessed with 41 years of a life filled with awesome gifts, and though it’s not been free of challenges, YHC has learned that it’s usually through major challenges that the greatest gifts are made possible. F3 has proven this truth over and over in a very concrete way, and I am extremely grateful that you men have been willing to join me on this journey, especially through this morning’s snot woggle (official F3 term: https://f3nation.com/lexicon/entry/2728/gvid=398600&pagenum=23).

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Fubar – from Goose

    FUBAR.
    It’s a term you may have heard if you, like me, have spent part of your Memorial Day weekend watching Spielberg’s great film where Captain Miller leads his men behind enemy lines to rescue Private James Ryan. The entire mission is classified as Fubar from the very beginning from the men, but they learn that only with the strength of one another and trusting the lead of their Captain will they successfully complete their mission. Today Being Memorial Day, it was only right that we should suffer a little bit more than usual to pay our respects for the men and women that have served our country so bravely by giving their life. This was the very reason Private Ryan needed to be rescued – because his brothers had given their very lives for the sake of their country.

    _____

    YHC barely arrived on time to find 9 PAX already at the Stage with coupons arranged in the most organized fashion. Warmups consisted of SSH, windmills, and high knees. Before YHC could complete warmups, Cardinal arrived carrying some speed in his Vandebilt blue speed wagon. Warmpus finished with butt kicks, and mountain climbers.

    Thang 1
    – Partner Bropee Mile Indian Run w/ Bonnie Blair’s –
    YHC’s list of strengths might be running and cardio, but giving clear directions definitely did not make the list. The PAX partnered up and completed 5 Bonnie Blair’s before racing to the front of the partner Indian line, stopping every 1/4 mile and completing some Bropees (a burpee completed alongside your parter ending in a high ten at the top of the squat jump). YHC had the Pax breathing hard, and by the time the group reached the half mile mark, the sounds of some old animal filled the quiet of the early morning. The only thing to distract from the animalistic breathing sounds were the welcome butt slaps from those running to the front of the line. In total, 28 bropees were completed.

    Thang 2
    – Ascending Testicles & Coupon Lunges –
    YHC’s thorough reading of the Exicon introduced the PAX to a few new exercises – one of them being Ascending Testicles (a cousin of balls to the wall – declined merkins that progressively have a more extreme angle). The Pax would complete 10 merkins on ground level, 10 declined merkins on the bench part of a picnic table, and 10 declined merkins from the table part of a picnic table, followed by lunging with a coupon to a different picnic bench across the pitch. This would complete one set. Ultimate VQ hype man/DJ extraordinaire POO-X came to the rescue by providing tunes to motivate everyone to push through the rush of blood to their brains. In total three sets were completed, leaving time for the final thang.

    Thang 3
    – Butkus + Lion King + a lil’ jog –
    Heart rates were resting in a steady zone 3, so a ten count was in order (YHC has no recollection of who let two 10 counts, because at this point, his mind was complete fubar). Another jumble of instructions from YHC proved to confuse the Pax. Perhaps it was the terrible instructions, or perhaps it was the mumble chatter coming from the marketing trio of Tana, Horn, and Joe, but YHC had to pipe up, let those furballs descend, and use an “outside” voice to finish explaining butkus (rapid step ups on a curb for at least a minute) and Lion King (low squat into a thruster with a coupon). Much to YHC’s surprise, the pax crushed three sets of 1min Butkus, 1min Lion King, and a lap around the pitch. Smooth was locked in pretending that coupon was one of his rugrats, and Horn couldn’t control his strength and began his streak of crushing coupons with his bare hands.

    The morning ended with two minutes of Mary – Freddie Mercury’s, leg raises, and probably something else – but YHC’s mind was indeed fubar by this point and thus no new memories were able to be made.

    6:00am arrived sooner than YHC anticipated, and it proved to be bittersweet. The nerves from the VQ were gone, and only laughs and sweat were to behold. Hopes of 13.0 strain filled the air, and YHC found himself basking in those good good endorphins that only F3 Thibodaux can produce.

    __________

    So, the Memorial Day beatdown mission turned out not to be fubar, but instead a witness and sacrifice in thanksgiving for the lives of those gone before us by giving their life. I remain humbled, grateful, and surprised but the continual growth of the men that continue to show up, put out, and suffer much to make themselves and those around them better.

    – Paradiddle

  • DAT DAWG – from Paradox

    7 dawgs at the stage today on a relatively cool May morning.

    We had a smooth purebred Pit always ready to roll. A local German shepherd with a huge litter of puppies brought in the coups. A young French bulldog living the summer lyfe and looking for a fight. An aged and scholarly golden retriever who can still retrieve after he gets his paws stretched. A north La bred bull mastiff who showed up purely for raw steak and Merkins. Rounded out by a greyhound who ran all the way from his kennel in Bourg. A variety of breeds from far and wide but today they were all looking to be Dat Dawg ….

    Duke! stop trying to recreate sweat stains and get the footage!!

    YHC recently saw F3 Nola’s Hawgcycle (still a mystery how to pronounce this) post that his daughter would be following in his shoeless footsteps and raising money for the Special Olympics by running 1 mile a day for 2023. If you had asked a 12 year old YHC to run a single mile I would have had a hard time penciling you in my booked schedule of Cheetos and GoldenEye so I was floored by this effort and knew we had to rally our bayou pax to support.

    Thus DAT DAWG was born …

    Warmup

    The usuals with some extra reps after an intense Diddle VQ yesterday.

    Like any veteran Dawg, ole Jeaux could smell the intensity in the air. A prolonged warmup , a call for BAPS, surrounded by Dox cones. I could see him working through his Rolodex of fartsack excuses but it was too late .

    We grabbed coupons and headed to the Junkyard.

    YHC explained todays cause and that we would pledge $ for each lap completed.

    YHC then took the pax through a tour of the rough 1/2 mile long obstacle course:

    10 coupon curls , run to next cone
    10 big boys Nur to next cone
    10 merkins bearcrawl the pylon thingys and then roughly 60 yard stretch then more pylons. If a car passes you gotta bark (Merkin) . 10 more merkins on the other side. Run to stage.
    10 box jumps and karaoke to bumper
    1 suicide then sprint to junkyard
    10 burpees then mark your territory (chalk )

    Format: Most Laps complete OR the pax in the lead at the end of 30 minutes would be declared ..

    DAT DAWG.

    Notes:

    -Merkins , bearcrawl , merkins continues to be a recipe for success and YJ had such an accurate bark impression I had to double check it wasn’t an actual wild dog.
    -Horn broke another Coupon and is 1 away from joining TreeRoot in the bayou. RIP
    -Several pax pushing the limit of cardio exertion , it was beautiful.
    -BAPs brought the absolute thunder.
    -Ole hC Tana got caught in a late Pickle fartsack and one hateth to lay eyes on such a thing.

    When the dust settled at 5:59 to no one’s surprise Goose was charging up 4.5 laps with Ronnie close on his heels.
    Both displaying beastly inner DAWG.

    YHC called it and presented Goose with the first DAT DAWG chain. (Must see pics)

    It will serve as our “break in case of charitable event “ trophy. If the chips are down or a worthy cause is in need then you can call on DAT DAWG for fast support.

    In all we completed 26 laps of DAT DAWG as a PAX and raised a nice chunk for an excellent cause.

    COT and dat ole dawg Yankee Jeaux prayed us out.

    An honor to lead this pack of Dawgs today .

    SYITG

    Dox

  • Try Athletes – from Paradox

    Does anyone else have an item on your bucket list that looks wayyyy better on paper and in your head than in reality.
    YHCs has always been the triathlon.
    The conversation goes something like this :

    12 year old YHC brain:
    bruhhhh Conquering multiple elements of human locomotion in a variety of terrains, an ultimate test. You are literally an amphibious machine. Cross that finish line while everyone cheers your name. The ladies will be lined up. This is your life’s greatest work.

    35 year old YHC brain:
    bro , chill, you get the heeby jeebies from swimming in deep water, biking always hurts your back, and your feet cramp after a two mile run. If you keep taking ibuprofen you will get an ulcer. Check yourself before you shipwreck yourself.

    And so on just like that for decades.
    But no more!
    Today we put the triathlon to bed once and for all…as a team!

    Duke put down those electrolyte gummies and roll the footage.

    12 pax beat the gloom on a beautiful summer morning at the Peltch. YHC rolled in a touch early to plant a few seeds and then met up with a growing prethang Saturday crew of Horn, Diddle and Ronnie. With a steady pace we covered topics ranging from Cardinals secret beach workouts to Horns new longboard interest group and melted away a few miles in the process. Please text YJ for all prethang details if you are interested (there’s an application and he needs to know your long term intentions and previous prethang relationship history)

    Several more pax trickled in and we had a rock solid group ready to race.

    Warmup
    Started with a ear splitting cadence of 36 SSH to honor the bday of our resident beast Enron. Full back blast sarcasm aside here, Ronnie is a cornerstone of our pax , always exhibiting a tenacious spirit and has really progressed into a force to be reckoned with physically.
    Enjoy those well earned bday jucifers brother!

    We got back into a steady warmup when YHC heard a verbal altercation brewing.
    At only 2 minutes and 39 seconds into the beatdown Sheriff Deputy of Form Yankee Joseph found his first citation. Does proper form have an age limit? not for this deputy. There is no jurisdiction when someone does a half Side straddle. He is the Law.
    Little did he know the young Coyote is highly skilled in verbal jiuJitsu and in seconds had YJ questioning his entire form police career and presenting badge and gun to Goose.
    The dust settled and a Donnybrook was avoided , Goose threatened to hose us and we moved on.

    Indian run
    Classic Sea Shanty run
    Last man Drop off 5 diamonds merkins
    We ran to tennis court for two songs to set the mood.

    Da Tanggggg

    Part 1 : Swim
    Open Ocean Jam session

    Baby Shark
    YHC set the mood with this dark and foreboding tail.
    Burpee on Shark
    SSH on song
    On about the 3rd burpee we had our first casualty as the baby shark was clearly targeting the elderly blood in the water. Further investigation underway to see if a banana peel from Coyote was the murder weapon. (But seriously rest up Jeaux, the team needs you)

    Under the Sea
    Side shuffle
    Bobby Hurley on Sea
    This one got warm pretty fast and begin to set the stage for further cardio testing.

    Buddy System
    Partner up
    Both complete 20 2 is 1 flutter kicks sprint to tennis ball bucket. Ten merkins at tennis’s ball and sprint back. (About 50 yards away)
    We all ended up with 6 tennis balls per couple but Cuz did some weird Yee Yee math and said 5 so he and partner Frankenbeans took penalty burpees.

    Part 2 : Bike
    Indian Run #2
    We hit the road in search of our bikes.
    As we crossed the ditch Horn kept us entertained with a rendition of I believe I can Fly
    He ate that dirt sandwich with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. You can’t keep a good man down.

    Last man drop off for 5 2 is 1 Freddy mercuries.
    Frankenbeanz succumbed to a leg injury halfway through and YHC deployed Horn on a life raft to check in on the growing IR list.

    Bicycle Song at Tennis court
    Freddy mercuries on bicycle
    Leg raises on other parts
    Superfun(d) began to question the amount of sugar YHC had in his cereal.

    Part 3: Run

    Tennis Ball Suicide relay
    Split into two teams
    Must run full suicide to the bucket , get tennis ball
    Full suicide back to secure tennis ball at home base
    Team with most balls wins

    Back to the flag for a little Mary

    WetTap awarded the GiGi to Coyote for his resistance to the form police. I know Coyote is already busting merkins so he can look jacked in the GiGi next Sat.
    SuperFun(d) sent the Animal back to its originator as Goose continues to pound out 4000 Bonnie Blair’s and big boys per beatdown.

    COT and WetTap prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC is an over-analyzer by nature. If you lay out 20 reps of an exercise in front of me my brain says “ok 5 slowish, 10 regular then just kinda bob around till someone else stops. Full self preservation mode. Yet some of my favorite moments in F3 happen when the beatdown overrides the system. The intensity is cranked, sweat in your eyes, minimal mental processing, just you and your team stuck solidly in the present. One tennis ball at a time till there are no more.

    You can Try for yourself
    Try for individual gains
    Try for self recognition
    And you will feel good temporarily.
    But hidden in the secret sauce of F3 is the Try for others while the “Me” takes a back seat.

    Grateful for the men of F3 as we make each other a little stronger each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Show Up and Find Out – from Smooth Operator

    Show Up And Find Out

    Paradiddle, Pope, Goose, Paradox, Yankee Joe, Tana, French Horn, Smooth Operator

    After sending some slightly inebriated cryptic pictures as beat down hype, YHC was not sure what kind of turn out to expect. YHC showed up at the Den around 0415 to do a little levee scouting and rack up the ruck mileage for our May challenge. Around 0440, Paradox and YJ pulled into the parking lot and started pounding the pavement making circles around the reservoir. Pope and Goose were the next to arrive around 0450 and had the same intentions. 75% of the Smoothie Kings completed a mile and headed back to the flag. Tana arrived next along with French Horn, and Paradiddle seemed to appear out of thin air.

    Alright warm ups went like this:

    Side Straddle Hops
    Wind Mills
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks
    Arm Circles
    Self Love

    Yankee Joe like worrying about odd numbers so I threw in a 27 count of side straddle hops to make his noggin start hurting.

    I picked 3 people with a special connection to May 18th that I felt exemplified the 3 F’s of F3 and I broke them down into 3 Thangs. I also decided it would be a makeshift guessing game. So let’s get to it.

    Thang 1 (Faith)
    The first guy’s birthday was May 18th 1920.
    Through his Papacy he worked toward ending communism and building bridges to people of different religions.
    He was also a big fan of skiing.
    He is St. Pope John Paul the 2nd.
    Ole Yankee Joe got it right

    From the flag we went ahead and started with an Indian run which the last guy would be doing 5 genuflections while we ran 1 ½ times around the reservoir levee. From here we would be doing some levee climbing.

    We went ahead and did 10 Carolina Dry Docks on top the levee. Ran down the levee and did 10 WW2 sit ups. All of this took place on the front side of the reservoir between the reservoir and Hwy 20 for advertising purposes. All in all we completed between 5 and 6 sets and we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Thang 2 (Fitness)
    Our second guy’s special connection to May 18th was a little different. On May 18th 2004, This 40 year old threw MLB’s 17th perfect game.
    He was a 5 time Cy Young award winner and won a World Series with the Diamondbacks.
    He was also a member of the 300 win club and a 1st ballot hall of farmer.
    He is Randy Johnson
    French Horn got this one correct and knew a lot more about the big unit than anyone else did. T-Claps buddy.

    In honor of his perfect game we would run around the bases 27 times in sets of 6. In between sets we would be doing 10 Chuck Norris style merkins. Around lap 24 or 25 YHC had to call it due to time purposes. It was definitely not due to the stars and black dots that had started clouding YHC’s vision. After this we moseyed back to the flag to find out who our final May 18th guy would be.

    Thang 3(Fellowship)
    As DJ YJ set up the speaker for YHC, we started talking about another man born on May 18th. His birth year was 1952.
    He was dubbed the King of Country Music. After this one a lot of guess started flying. I heard Hank Williams, Alan Jackson, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. All wrong.
    He had 60 #1 hits over a 30 year period.
    He is George Straight.
    French Horn got this one correct also. Looks like that college education is paying off buddy.

    The first musical work out would be to the song Fireman by King George. Whenever the PAX would hear “They call me the Fireman” We would switch gears from mountain climbers to merkins.

    2nd musical work out would be the song Murder on Music Row by Alan Jackson and George straight. This workout would be done similar to the first song but the switch would be done on the phrase “music row”. The two workout were WW2 sit ups and Heels to heaven.

    After this song YHC called it at 0559. I had another musical work out planned, but it worked out for the best “A love without end, Amen” would have probably been a little awkward between ole Goose and Pope. From here we counted off one short due to Paradox cutting out 5 minutes early. We had announcements and Tana prayed us out.

    Total count for the May challenge was 150 Merkins, 100 WW2 sit ups, and 2 miles run.

    P.S. Around lap 18 or 20 of running the bases is when YHC realized that he was surrounded by 7 certified beasts. Y’all keep up the good work fellas. I hope one day I can get to y’all level of fitness.

    SYITG,
    Smooth

  • Tuesday Tough, Mostly – from Goose

    YHC pulled into a crowded parking lot for a Tuesday after making a quick loop around the new lot across the street, which caused the loitering PAX much consternation and fearful curiosity. But, it was unfounded–YHC was only scouting for a usable stretch of street for the first Thang.

    During the first part of the warmup, YHC was again faced with the weak, quiet cadence counting that tends to characterize the Thibodaux PAX. This weakness in an otherwise perfect PAX rears its ugly head especially when downrangers are with us–the confused outsider counts loud and proud while only about 2 or 3 locals eek out a barely audible, inaccurate count between Paradox and Yankee Joe’s comments about Tana’s hair. So, YHC shared his shame this morning, assuming the Tuesday Tough PAX would receive the blow with rock hard abs, but, alas, it was not so. You would have thought YHC had pulled out a ruler and was coming after their nether regions. All downrangers were immediately condemned and banned from future beatdowns, and warmup counts for the next two weeks are guaranteed to be a combination of both overly loud and overly quiet with side plots to overthrow the count-shamer. Well, so be it. At least we’re not overly schism prone–we should get through this no problem.

    The first Thang was supposed to be a quick Bleep Test over by the bumper area, and as the PAX planked up while YHC and Pope set it up, YHC noticed that it seemed a little farther of a distance than usual. The typical bleep test consists of two lines a set distance apart, and you run from one to the other at the sound of a beep–you have to arrive before the next one because it signals the start of the return trip. So, you’re running across at every beep, and if you don’t make it before the next one, you have one more try before you’re “out”. Originally, YHC thought the distance was 40 meters (34 yards), and set it up that way, but after the first beep, it became very clear that YHC was woefully mistaken. Literally nobody made it. So, thanks to the invention of the internet, YHC was able to double check and saw that the official distance is actually 20 meters. This thew off the idea that we would be driven to finish at least 40 laps to make a full mile, but half a mile or so would have to suffice.
    These men were no less tenacious, though, and YHC found himself challenged by a PAX that hung in there way longer than in previous beatdowns. As the time between beeps continued to shorten, YHC settled into what would clearly be some long-suffering. After about 40 laps, more and more PAX started dropping off, but we made a rule that you could buy your way back in with 20 monkey humpers, so as Paradiddle, Pope, and YHC tried to outlast each other, PAX with refreshed(ish) legs kept jumping back into the mix, pushing us to drive harder. It was quite the mental challenge, but all said and done, we completed about 54 laps, which is by far the highest we’ve done yet. Super impressed and grateful for this crew!

    With about 15 minutes left, YHC had three songs and three core bombs to deliver. The first was “Walking on the Moon” by the Police during which we’d be on our sixes holding feet at six inches, with a big, slow flutter kick at every “walking”. This is a five minute song, so I gave the PAX a chance to end early by guessing the artist–after some work, they got it, and YHC was happy to stop after about three minutes.
    The second song was “Ooh, Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson. We held static LBC position (crunched up) for the duration, and dropped down and back up with every “baby”. This was a first for YHC, and it really worked–we’ll definitely be seeing this again.
    The third was “Keep on Rockin’ Me Baby” by The Steve Miller Band–held static wife pleaser position (hip bridge up) for the duration, and down and back up for every “rockin’”. This was a killer, too–definitely worth repeating.

    With about 8 minutes left, we finished everyone’s mile by running three laps around the track (thanks, Paradox, for the push!), which left us with about five minutes for Mary. We started with Hello Dolly’s, and YHC’s goal was to keep going until Yankee was no longer able to sustain his high-energy counting. It was a nice distraction, but all distractions ultimately fail against increasing fatigue, so we made it to about 34 (2:1). We filled the last 4 minutes with as many Big Boys as possible. This sparked what YHC deemed the best mumblechatter line of the morning: YJ had brought his new F3 Broga mat and was pulling it out when Paradox commandeered it for group usage the way we’ve been doing with YHC’s for the past week. A mat that big is wasted on just one, so Dox and I assumed the three-man-butt-saver position, leaving a sliver for YJ, which led him to share that he felt “like the kid who brought a new toy to recess only to have the big kids take it away.” Shared suffering, bro. That’s how it goes.

    COT and the Animal shirt went to Superfun(d) (first time recipient) for his silent doggedness through the morning’s grind. Announcements and the typical accusations of exclusivity followed, and Paradiddle prayed us out.

    It was awesome to push through this morning with these guys, especially having Lil’ Cuz and Superfun(d) back in the mix, and Paradiddle posting three morning’s in a row! It’s amazing how the presence of each unique man makes such a huge difference–don’t think you’re not missed when you’re not there! You know how it feels to look around the circle at each guy with gratitude that they’re there–it’s no different when we look at you! So get there!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Just Do Stuff for 40 minutes – from Yankee Joe

    YHC has been called many things in his life. Some have said he’s stubborn. Others have said he’s a bit arrogant. Not a few folks have made the outlandish claim that YHC tends to be melodramatic…perhaps even moody. Still others would even go so far as to note YHC sucks at maff.

    Regardless of what these peasants may say, I am not any of these things and the very fact that such atrocious slander would be heaped on my flawless purveyance of righteousness is nothing short of Paradox-level hypocrisy. After all, Enron, 3.8 lbs + 3.8 lbs = 10 lbs. I have spoken.

    How does this translate into a beatdown? Your guess is as good as mine. Take a little bit of stubborn cockiness, a heaping tablespoon of dramatic (if not grumpy) flare, and a complete mockery of Euclid’s legacy, and you have whatever the hell this morning was.

    For context, as we approach the completion of our second week with the May Challenge, point totals like 1,000 have taken on special significance. The men in Cleveland are no dummies. There is no easy way or even loop hole to racking up points. So, this morning was supposed to be a frontal assault on that hill.
    —————————————

    The idea was that running quarter mile distances in an 8 minute pace (2 minutes), followed by 1 minute of exercises, aiming for at least 45 points (merkins, BBS, coupon curls, and/or pullups), one could – in fully ungrounded theory – achieve 1,000 points in 40 minutes. The breakdown is below:

    – 2 minute quarter mile (25 points)
    – 1 minute exercises (45 pt total)
    – Total: 70 points

    Repeat above combo 12 times for 840 total points.

    The beauty of this is that the above cycle would take 36 minutes, thus leaving 4 minutes to work. Since partial miles don’t count, it would be a blitzkrieg of exercises, aiming for 160 points or 40 points each of the last four minutes.

    840 + 160 = 1,000 (see, I do maff good)

    You might say, hitting 160 points in four minutes is impossible. Ok, then ruck one of the three miles accumulated from the quarter mile sprints (four quarter mile runs with weight). If carrying 30 lbs, for example, your last four minutes looks like 130 points (32.5 pts per minute). AND if the PAX showed up stretched and ready to go, then you could add 5 more minutes to the overall beatdown, which would further distribute the per minute point totals across the beatdown OR give you enough time to add a fourth mile.

    The logic is sound. The execution would need to be relentlessly methodical. Trying to pull it off 10 days into the May Challenge at the Lion’s Den was delusional.
    ——————————————

    The beatdown structure was simple:

    Run a series of quarter miles if you want to build points that way, otherwise do whatever the hell you want. After the dust settled, the average point accumulation was between 615 and 670 (not counting any pre-beatdown work). **Not bad at all considering that this time the mileage was actually accurate to the hundredth of a mile.**

    – Paradox stayed true to the run/exercise sequence. He even threw in some pull-ups on a bar that I couldn’t have reached jumping.

    – Similar to YHC, Enron abandoned some of the run early to focus on his uncanny strength with merkins and coupon curls.

    – Goose seemingly completed 9 million big boy sit-ups and stuck to the run combo.

    – It appeared as if Picadilly ran for 40 minutes straight, but he also knocked out a bunch of exercise points.

    AND though this individual PAX commands plenty of respect, I think the level falls woefully short of the awe we should have for 14-year old Pope. This dude is a beast now. In a few years, he is going to redesign F3 because it’s not hard enough for him. He just never stopped…like literally went all out for 40 minutes straight.

    (In the beginning of the beatdown, I asked Pope if he wanted full bricks (for mini-rucking) or half bricks. He politely asked for the full bricks. The look on his face, however, politely told me that if I ever disrespected him like that again, he’d make half bricks by breaking full bricks over my head.)

    Exact point totals for each PAX is somewhat known, but will not be published here, lest Enron decides to live into his F3 name. You know what he’s like when looking at numbers on a spreadsheet. The temptation to cook the books is just too strong. You go to a barber shop long enough, you’ll eventually get your hair cut (or so I’m told).

    That said, based on casual convos following the beatdown, and including pre-beatdown runs by Enron, Paradox, Goose, Pope, and YHC, my best maff skilz puts totals between 870 – 925.

    The challenge is on. 1000 points in 40 minutes. It can be done. Who will answer the call?

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • The Repeater – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to the Stage in the foggier than usual gloom at 5:05 only to see Smooth patiently waiting for arriving PAX as he completed his shift. His determination to attend beatdowns after a long 12- hour night work shift is always motivating. Next, Goose and his oldest 2.0, Pope, rolled in with the coupons in the back ready to go. Goose informed Pope on the drive over of the new team challenge he was volunteered (instructed) to be a part of. Most of our PAX have teamed up in 4s to join the Cleveland May Challenge, so this morning would be designed to gather as many points as possible. Also, creating a lot of repetition in the process. 3 more PAX rolled in ready to begin.

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, the rest of the usual.
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile – Mile run with 25 Merkins at every quarter mile. Giving the May Challengers 200 points for the entire Thang.

    YHC almost witnessed Goose get overtaken by Pope in the final dash to the finish, only to eventually use his man-strength to power through and hold him off. It’s only a matter of time. (I watched this from well behind them both as they had already blazed past)

    Thang 2: The repeater
    25 Coupon Curls
    25 Big Boy Sit-ups
    Run around the track at the Stage
    Rinse and repeat 8 times then mosey around the track until 3 total miles were completed for the beatdown.

    COT and Pope prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.
    SYITG,

    Enron

  • The Repeater – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to the Stage in the foggier than usual gloom at 5:05 only to see Smooth patiently waiting for arriving PAX as he completed his shift. His determination to attend beatdowns after a long 12- hour night work shift is always motivating. Next, Goose and his oldest 2.0, Pope, rolled in with the coupons in the back ready to go. Goose informed Pope on the drive over of the new team challenge he was volunteered (instructed) to be a part of. Most of our PAX have teamed up in 4s to join the Cleveland May Challenge, so this morning would be designed to gather as many points as possible. Also, creating a lot of repetition in the process. 3 more PAX rolled in ready to begin.

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, the rest of the usual.
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile – Mile run with 25 Merkins at every quarter mile. Giving the May Challengers 200 points for the entire Thang.

    YHC almost witnessed Goose get overtaken by Pope in the final dash to the finish, only to eventually use his man-strength to power through and hold him off. It’s only a matter of time. (I watched this from well behind them both as they had already blazed past)

    Thang 2: The repeater
    25 Coupon Curls
    25 Big Boy Sit-ups
    Run around the track at the Stage
    Rinse and repeat 8 times then mosey around the track until 3 total miles were completed for the beatdown.

    COT and Pope prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.
    SYITG,

    Enron