F3 New Orleans

Tag: Yankee Joe

  • Gameday Training – from Enron

    It has been quite a while since YHC has been able to make it to a Saturday beatdown and even longer since having the opportunity to Q one. Therefore, YHC rolled up a little early to the Peltch to an empty parking lot scattered with shot-gunned Twisted Tea cans from what looked like a wild Friday night. 9 PAX of men pulled in shortly thereafter waiting for training camp to get started. Flag planted, let’s get this thing rolling.
    Warmarama: SSH, IW, Windmills, Self-Love, AC, Cherry Pickers, High Knees, Butt Kicks
    YHC noticed it was eerily silent during the warmup and didn’t know if it was due to the lack of Dox and Tana’s normal chatter, or the fear that was placed on the PAX from Yankee Jeaux’s description of the last “Game of Games” Q in the GroupMe.
    Thang 1: Strength Training
    To be game day ready, YHC described that there are many different forms of preparation that you must put your mind and body through. We would be working our way through each of them to make sure that the PAX was prepared for the main event at the end of today. This started off with some strength training.
    Who doesn’t like medium-roasted Jeaux in the morning? YHC explained the breakdown of what the exercises in the Jurp were for YJ since he has seemingly forgotten the movements since he wrote them down 3 weeks ago.

    20 Tempo Squats
    10 Groiners
    20 Merkins
    10 Groiners
    20 Jump Squats
    20 LBCs
    20 Leg Raises

    Rinse and Repeat

    Thang 2: Endurance Training

    After a quick debate on the best route to get a mile in, and quickly shutting down Wet Tap’s idea, the PAX began a 1-mile Indian run with the last man dropping off for 3 merkins before running to the front to choose his pace.

    Thang 3: Coordination Training
    Moseyed to the previously unused Bocce ball court for a quick game. Thanks to Goose, Pope, and Duke for allowing the use of their family game night set of Bocce Ball.

    Split into teams 1 and 2
    Rules:
    Thow out the “jack”
    Each member throws their Bocce Ball to attempt to get closest to the jack. If that ball ends up closer, the opposing team does 2 Burpees. Alternated teams until each player had thrown their ball. The team with the closest ball at the end was “rewarded” with 5 Merkins, while the losing team did 10 burpees.

    Team 2 had a commanding lead through the entire game and thought we would easily walk away with a victory. Smooth had other plans. On the last shot, he went with the perfectly placed hail Mary of a throw and knocked the Jack, and his ball, out of the cluster of other balls to take the W. Well played sir.

    Thang 4: Mental Training
    Each team lined up facing one another for a quick round of Rock paper scissors.
    The Rules:
    One game of RPS vs. each of the opposing team members
    Round one loser 1, 2=1 Bonnie Blair
    Round 2 loser 2 Bonnie Blairs
    Round 3 loser 3 and so on until all teammates have played each member of the opposing team.

    Thang 5: The main event, Gameday – Frisburpee
    Ultimate Frisbee but on every turnover the team that turned over the frisbee would drop for 2 burpees while the opposing team would do 1 merkin. In the second half this was changed to 2 Bonnie Blairs with 1 squat. Losing team did 5 Burpees per touchdown in the first half and 5 Bonnie Blairs in the second.

    This is what the PAX has been training all day for, the main event. The teams seemed relatively even though YHC was very pleased to see that both the 2.0s were on his team. 2.0 energy has been known to be a large advantage in any endurance, and running, game. This was quickly proved to be correct. After scoring the opening 6 touchdowns, team 2 was dominating the opposition. Jeaux, learned that he had to “sell out” for the frisbee, and with reckless abandon he was quickly diving all over the pitch. Pope was showing off his impressive ups and long arms for grabbing the frisbee. Duke even looked over to YHC and said “ Enron, I really like this game”. With that kind of lead, what is there not to like.
    Not so fast my friend… Team 1 quickly scored a couple TDs towards the end to even the score out (kind of). Time was called and we moseyed to the flag.

    Announcements and Goose Prayed us out. Animal was rewarded to Smooth for his ever continuing strength and drive.

    This was an awesome start to “gameday” and YHC is truly honored to be a part of this PAX and this group of High impact men. Happy to see Goldilox back in the rotation again as well. Thanks to all for making it out.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Boot Scootin’ Goosies – from Paradox

    Theres one singular event that universally strikes fear in the hearts of men. A rite of passage complete with every potential fear being confronted. A desolate wasteland where fortune favors the bold and one misstep can leave you cemented into a hall of shame . You’ve all passed through it and been forged by the fires of ..the middle school dance.

    But there IS one tool at your disposal . One shining sword for the gangly awkward youth entangled in this hormonal warfare. You’ve all seen this familiar setup. It’s the 7th grade dance and opposite genders have receded to their corners in the dance floor. The air is heavy with axe body spray. If you were like YHC , you hoped the Hollister shirt and puca shell necklace were enough distraction to overcome a genetic lack of rhythm. The dj eyes the empty dance floor ,madly spinning tracks to light the fire and then he finds it …

    …The participation song!

    Cupid shuffle ..
    The locomotion ..
    Electric slide ..
    They all accomplish the same goal.

    Like a flame thrower to dry kindling one kid joins, then another and as long as you are following the instructions loosely there’s a certain freedom from severe judgement that allows the dancing to begin.

    These songs have saved countless male youths from the embarrassment of freestyle dancing and during my recent midnight baby burping sessions I uncovered this lucrative treasure trove of F3 enterpainment.

    So with the fresh Jurpee routine in mind and a few songs in my heart YHC made a stage comeback with 10 other high impact men. A crisp bayou fall met them in the gloom and the stage was set.
    Today we salute the participation song.

    Duke ! Dukeeee!!!!
    Hold these diapers and Roll the bean footage !

    Warmup
    Standard issue with Tana literally side straddle hopping across the circle. His verbal insubordination overflowing into interpretive dance as if he could preemptively feel todays theme. You can only hope to contain him at this point.

    Warmup Thang

    Jurpee Mile-ish

    Saddled up for the well warn path of the rich man loop mile with stops for a segmented jurpee. We helped some pax in the senior divisions remember where all the stops were and YHC dialed up all the classics with JBL cranked to the level of “HoA concerns”. The air was cool and mannnn I’ve missed you guys.

    (Tana keeping a Kenyan marathon pace, ya love to see it. The legendary transformation continues )

    We did :
    1- tempo sqats/20 groiners
    2- 20 merkins/20 groiners
    3- 20 jump sqats
    4- 20 LBC/leg raise

    Then grabbed come coupons for the :

    Main Thang a Lang

    4 songs to represent the transcendent nature of the participation songs across genres, live events, generations and continents.

    1. ) Boot scootin boogie
    2 Apollo ono plus 2 goosie on “ Boot scoot”
    Coupon “2 step” on duration of song.
    From now until eternity we will call them Boot Scootin Goosies and I can’t decide if that sounds more like a firework from Joe Dirt or a station for next years SV500.

    Trivia : what are the first names of brooks and Dunn?
    The pax had this one down cold even with YHCs brain glitches trying to find the word artist. Also from Shreveport just like Ronnie Lillich !

    Track refresh mosey

    2. Time for da hip hop- Tootsie Roll
    (Was really hoping for a Popeye post here. Have a feeling he’s done 9000 tootsie rolls )

    We did :
    Donkey kick on T roll
    Right Peter Parker
    Left Parker
    Slide – side reach
    Whoop plank Jack
    Trivia – Artist? : 69 boys (great jurpee team name )
    I had a feeling this would be right in America’s Bests wheelhouse. with some prompting he took a minute off the pain. Goose showed signs of the move itself and YHC fought the temptation to let him tootsie roll for 5 minutes while we did kraken burpees.

    3. Da community -YMCA

    Y styled windmills on song
    4 merkins on YMCA
    Jump squat on “young man”

    Fun fact: The original YMCA arm motions appeared on this popular musical show in 1979. (American bandstand)

    4. International- Gangnam style
    Coupon side shuffle
    Thruster on Gangnam style

    YHC introduced this one and had the desired response of crickets, wind, and Goose asking Enron if it was 6am yet. I’ve sorely missed that unique smell of fear and adrenaline.

    YJ correctly named psy as the artist then insisted someone be appointed as the oogler so we would be music video accurate. Unfortunately by this point all the pax had gone to the dark place that thrusters create after a month of IPC and his request faded into old man grumbles about deleted cells.

    So now you have the dance party fully rolling the only thing you have left to focus on is learning your partners rhythm and footwork.

    So we partnered up (1 thruple)
    For a Double Indian run with 3 partner hi 5 burpees to corner on Richmans loop till everyone had one round.
    Honeysuckle did honeysuckle things and set a sub7 pace while we watched in awe. I can’t tell if it’s sleep deprivation but I swear his legs blur like road runner in the ole Wiley Coyote bits.

    We finished with a thrilling rendition of Rah Rah JaBurpee. Tennis ball can only be advanced with feet. One burpee after kicking. Beautiful chaos ensued and we lost two good soldier tennis balls in the field. No clear winner from YHCs point of view but I saw Ronnie diving under a truck after a ball near the finish line so I’ll give an A for effort.
    Jeaux continued to run headlong into the distance. Said he just needed to think about a grown man not being able to work Google sheets.
    Folks in the Oaks say he’s still running…

    Count them up
    Name them off

    Announcements:

    T- claps to Hypotenuse for multiple posts and suffering through my lack of hand eye coordination.

    Honeysuckle VQ!!!
    Thursday at the Den
    Get your running shoes ladies!

    Invigor8 Grant next Tues 10/10 at 7pm (link below)
    Possible $10k is up for grabs to the St Vincent pharmacy.

    https://facebook.com/events/s/invigor8-live/1909647176102809/

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Men I’ve been overwhelmed by the support y’all have shown my family during our new baby days. The baby/work/school/home routines are in a tornado of a transitions right now and we are just hanging in. Great to have y’all linking shields in support and prayer.

    Epilogue

    One jurpee
    Two jurpee
    Red jurpee
    Blue jurpee

    You can do it on a rope
    You can do it with a Pope
    You can try it with a Goose
    Or measure your hypotenuse
    Tana jurps on his strain quest
    Honeysuckles uses it as rest
    AB is jurping till hes fifty
    Ronnie’s jurping till his knees are shifty
    Bud light jurping, call it Dilly Dilly
    Poor jurp form, that’s really silly
    Jurptober is all about the basics
    Valvelines jurping till he needs lasix
    At a jurp party you’re never late
    Jeauxs been jurpin since 78!

    Jurp low jurp high
    Jurp loud jurp shy

    Jurp your best jurp along with another
    As iron sharpens iron, one sharpens his brother

    SYITG
    ParaDr Seuss

  • The Last One’s a Doozy – from Goose

    Though many of the PAX followed Cardinal’s lead in giving the last IPC Saturday a thumbs down, 8 brave PAX braved the coupon ridiculousness in full view of the lady race at The Peltch on Saturday.
    Per usual, the smaller-than-usual number of men gathered around the flag only mattered until things got going, then we became a small, concentrated force of determination and shared suffering. There could have been two or twenty men–once the thrusters started to hit, the exterior world melted away.
    We started with high numbers of the usual warmups to work off the soreness YJ had built up into our collective muscles, The FNG to be named String Cheese (Incident) sauntered over from the parking area by the building and settled right in as if he’d been doing F3 for years.
    We then moseyed over to the truck to grab coupons, cones, signs, etc. and hauled them down to the field amidst the growing number of women setting up for the race. America’s Best corrected YHC after a comment about the “women’s race” saying that he planned to run in it and beat everyone in his age bracket, so obviously, it wasn’t a women’s race, despite the pink and purple decorations, the title of the group (“Femmes Natales”), and the big inflatable finish line that said “Great Job, Ladies!” But, hey, this is 2023, so go get ’em, AB! (Seriously, though, to run a race after that IPC is unreal. YHC just ran from the truck to the flag area once we were done and the legs staged a formal protest.)
    Once everything was setup on the field, YHC gave an explanation with explanations for the FNG, and the PAX was ready to rock with way fewer questions than expected. Writing the routine on the board the night before proved to be quite a task, but the PAX didn’t really seem to need it.

    The Thang:
    Throughout–5 minute timer (E5MOM), and every time it went off, execute 3 Kraken Burpees (Burpee with 3 hand-release merkins at the bottom). This was a morale sucker–it felt like it was going off every two minutes, and it broke up any momentum. Definitely a mental-toughness test.

    Round 1:
    -Murder Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins (also called “no-cheat”: hand-release merkin with shoulder taps at the top).
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to third cone (30 yards out), 20 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    –Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins

    Round 2:
    Same as Round 1, but with WW3 situps instead of thrusters (Big boy situps with coupon, bench press up and down while lying down, then situp and overhead press once at the top. That’s 1 rep)

    Round 3:
    Same as Round 2, but with man-makers (blockees–burpees with coupon) instead of WW3 situps.

    BAPS kept cranking the tunes, the lady race set-up team kept staring, the timer kept going off, and these fellas just kept stacking on the reps, one at a time. Nobody stopped or complained, not even Duke or the FNG. Every time I looked over, String Cheese was bunnying or bear crawling, and Duke actually kept moving, too, unlike his typical Saturday routine of cycling from PAX to PAX asking for the time. The rest of the crew finished this year’s greuling IPC month with true perseverance in the face of what seemed to be impossible routines, and like last year, I think this month brought about some major growth, a real level-up for a number of these guys.
    AB quickly went from being one of the new guys to being a regular, beastly contender at the front of the pack. Popeye revealed that he’s got an incredibly massive reserve tank of mental toughness. Despite Safety Valve’s hatred for coupons, he refuses to miss an opportunity to push hard with good men, he never stops, and he’s clearly taken deep ownership of what F3 is all about. Yankee Joe is a glutton for punishment–nobody sees the benefits of shared pain like him. Pope has long said goodbye to composite coupons, and he’s giving YHC a run for his money, every single beatdown. Wet Tap eats coupons for breakfast, and challenge draws him like a moth to a flame–IPC is where he consistently shines.

    It was hard to be without other IPC studs like Diddle, Enron, and Dox, but we’ve got plenty to feed the need this month as IPC finishes, but Jurpee-tober begins. Time to do groiners in your den in front of your wife and kids for no good reason!

    COT down at the field, Animal shirt went to Popeye for making it look like a pleasant walk in the park, the FNG was named by AB, who revealed that his brain actually works better after a tough beatdown, and then AB also prayed us out.
    Incredible job, fellas! Thanks for pushing me through another crazy IPC month!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Dilly-Dilly Dog – from Goose

    A Dilly-Dilly Dog is a hot dog inside of a hollowed out pickle, on a stick, dipped in cornmeal batter, and fried. A video of the process of inserting said hot dog into a hollowed out pickle may be considered disturbing or for other reasons not suitable for a professional environment. However, it provided the perfect metaphor for this morning’s fun: pickleball, but with some meat inserted into the middle of it.

    After warming up, we grabbed Picadilly’s pickleball gear and moseyed to the courts. And, after failing to figure out how to turn on the lights, YHC decided on doubles on the far court since there was at least some light there. This worked out nicely given there were exactly 8 PAX in attendance.

    While four PAX played doubles pickleball, the other four took a lap around the building (about 1/4 mile). Then, they switched and the players then became the runners, but whoever was losing at the time of the switch had to do 5 BDE Burpees (burpee plus a Goosie) before starting their lap. This changed to BDE Merkins about halfway through. A tie meant both teams had to get their BDE on (dictionary of your choosing).

    Each group ended up running about four laps, and the pickleball competition heated up as time went on and the PAX got used to it. Dilly still had his way with the opposition, threading the needle and putting unreturnable spin on the ball, but Pope figured out how the paddle worked, and YHC eventually found the SLAM button on the controller to give he and French Horn a little harder of a time. Popeye Sampras and YJ Agassi seemed to have some trouble with AB Nadal and Enron Federer, but competitive rage slowly evened the playing field as time went on.

    At about 5:59, we reluctantly stopped mid-game and moseyed back to the flag for COT and YJ prayed us out. A good time was had by all, and we got some more running and BDE-ing in pre-Saturday. Looking forward to it! Thanks for playing along, fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl tag/ Oliver Anthony – from Smooth Operator

    8/29/23 St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl Tag/Oliver Anthony

    Attendance
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Dumbledore
    Yankee Joe
    Honeysuckle
    Americas Best
    Safety Valve
    Tana
    Paradox
    Smooth Operator

    This morning YHC had some serious trouble getting out of bed. The only thing that kept me from sleeping till 0900 was my commitment to the HC and the idea of some shared suffering with friends.

    YHC arrived around 0505 on the heels of Paradox to find Enron and Dumbledore waiting on us. After a request for a music box in the group text fell unanswered, YHC just assumed Dox would have JBL on standby as usual. When Dox was confronted about JBL, you could have sworn he left one of his kids home unattended with the stove set to broil by his reaction. Dox started running straight to a groggy Yankee Joe whom had car pooled with AB and Honeysuckle to no avail. Finally, St. John’s place podna Safety Valve came through in the clutch and pulled out what appeared to be a lunch box out of the Platinum. After confirming this was indeed a speaker and not a PB and J sandwich holder, YHC saw the name on the front was turtle box. YHC has seen quite a few speakers that have graced the PAX with tunes throughout my 7 or 8 month tenure as a PAX member, none have jammed quite like the Turtle. The rest of the PAX pulled up and we started warmarama at 0516.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Windmills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers
    Pairing up for Thang 1
    Coupon curb mosey to pick up 1 coupon per pair

    Today is the Feast of the passion of St. John the Baptist. YHC was very short on my explanation of why we were doing the couple of exercise because of time constraints, but the main points of my research and reasoning behind this beat down were 3 things. John the Baptist was sent by God to make straight the road for Jesus Christ which we will touch on with thang #1. John the Baptist was also sent by God to preach repentance and spread the news of Jesus ministry, which we will touch on in thang #2. Thang #3 didn’t have much to do with John the Baptist, it had more to do with shared suffering and these songs have been very helpful for me while dealing with my recent hardships.

    Alright let’s get on with it.

    Thang #1
    Catch me if you can/ murder bunny version

    Thang one ties in with John the Baptist because we are going to literally make the path straight for our partners to run behind us by pounding the ground flat with coupons. We moseyed to the big field down the bayou from the stage. After finalizing our partnerships, YHC set out to explain Catch me if you can which I remembered really enjoying a Goat’s beatdown where this was involved. Basically partner 1 starts murder bunnying across the field toward white fence and back. Partner 2 will complete 5 goosees and then sprint to partner one and catch him. After this the partners will switch until they have completed 3 times from the street to the white fence. After this the Pax did the same exercise except we lunge walked instead of murder bunnyed and did 5 merkins instead of goosees. We completed 2 more street to white fence reps. The PAX did awesome on this exercise and shout out to Dumbledore taking care of his portion of the work and alot of mine. That dude is a beast and probably a future animal if the current owner of the animal shirt ever brings it back to a beatdown.

    Thang #2
    Bear crawl tag
    Earlier this summer, Tractor and I were outside playing tag. We had the sprinklers on, Jack be Nimble was running around spraying people down with a hose pipe. Miller was probably trying to find a new way to get hurt. Well YHC was tired of running after that little speedster tractor and we decided to try something new. Tag but on all fours. We did this for at least an hour and tractors stayed smiling for way longer than that. Then the wheels started turning and YHC knew he needed to work this one into a beat down. Alright back to reality, the rules for this one were relatively simple, we all
    Bear crawl, YHC would start out as IT. As I tagged people they would do 5 merkins and then be IT along with myself. We would continue on until 1 person was left standing. Then they would start the next game being it. Well due to time restraints we only played one game, but this one will make a comeback.

    Thang #3
    Musical beatdown.
    With a little over 15 minutes we had the perfect amount of time to get through the 3 songs I picked out for today. These songs were very helpful with YHC coping with the hardships I been experiencing lately and I really wanted to share them with the PAX.
    There has been a craze over a farmer from Virginia lately. He goes by Oliver Anthony and he sings some simple songs that have messages that are strong in character.

    The first song was titled Rich Man’s Gold.
    The PAX would be changing levels from mission impossible and high plank whenever there is a break in the lyrics. YHC stressed it was not important in getting all the lyrical breaks correct it was all about the effort.

    After this we moved on to the second song Rich men from Richmond. This song is what made Oliver Anthony popular. Contrary to popular belief, Oliver Anthony is not a conservative. He pretty much said he doesn’t like any politicians. On the second song we would be changing levels again in the breaks in the lyrics. We would be switching from deep squat, Al gore or mid level squat, to an athletic position. As the song went on, YHC ability to distinguish the breaks in the lyrics got worse and worse.

    The last song was a song from Larry Fleet, Where I find God. For this one we would be holding 6” and with ever break in the lyrics we would be doing a leg raise. 3/4 of the way through we hit 0600. The Pax seemed pretty content with this.

    After this we had COT. A few of us had problems counting off. Announcements revealed that Enron had the Q for Thursday at the Lion’s Den. We expressed intentions for all the PAX members whom M’s are pregnant and Safety Valve prayed us out.

    Thanks to all who showed up. Keep up the good work and thanks for pushing me to be a better man.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • You Got Goose-Diddled! – from Goose

    The GroupMe was eerily silent last night/this morning for two reasons:

    1. French Horn had laid down a stronger than usual commitment post, and though many doubted, and many wrote and then deleted hilarious comments stating such thoughts, nobody wanted to discourage what looked to be an actually possible showing by the long-absent, greatly missed, mop-topped, boat-conceived youngster. Couldn’t risk that.

    2. Paradiddle was on the list to Q, but no hype had been posted by the ‘stached bandit nor any comment acknowledging the inevitable. Many wrote and then deleted requests for hype or temperature checks due to the fear that has now been associated with tank-tops, mouth-brows, and a white-capped abundance of hair.

    YHC thought there might be a small chance that Diddle had forgotten amidst his wild schedule, but wasn’t necessarily prepped with a back-pocket Q. Thoughts between waking and arriving had fluttered around Dilly’s spoken desire to complete grades 7-10 (left incomplete during his back to school Billy Madison Q) and memories from last year’s IPC, specifically the “Death by Skinny Runner” beatdown. So, when 5:15 arrived, and there was no Diddle, the site-Q (YHC) got excited at the opportunity to channel the inner Diddle and combine it with a little Goose-flavor and some IPC prep.

    A long warmup was needed after Smooth’s monster coupon routine yesterday, and this gave YHC some time to put the pieces together. Enron suggested the Deck o’ Death, which put the finishing touch on it, especially since YHC had also just attained some workout dice that were itching for some concrete.

    Warmups: the usual suspects plus Willy Maes Hayes and Toe Touches (bend down, touch toes, then come up and touch waist, then up straight onto toes with hands in the air = 1). Every vehicle that pulled into the neighborhood was taken to be Diddle coming in hot, but the hopes (or fears) never materialized. YHC then led a bumper to Stop sign to flag mosey to get the PAX familiar with the distance, cuz…

    Thang:
    One (or two) exercises followed by a quarter mile run, which happens to be the exact distance of the bumper to stop sign to flag loop. But, this would be a race, and the winner got to pick the next break…er, exercise. The winner could pick an exercise of their choosing or elect to roll the dice (three dice–one with reps/time and two with exercises) or pick two cards.

    Pope won the first one (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and chose low-slow squats to give the PAX a breather. Smooth made it known that now that he was comfortable with the route, he’d be smoking us all, and though he started strong with a powerful sprint on the next lap (and every one after that), long distances remain his kryptonite.

    YHC won the next, (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and we rolled the dice landing on 90 seconds of squats and penguins. The three minutes were greatly appreciated, but at this point, it had become clear that any hope of real recovery between laps was unrealistic.

    The next one was won by Honeysuckle (with Pope right behind him) who seemed to be set up to Q the rest of the beatdown, and he chose Freddy’s, which went way too fast.

    Next lap was Pope again (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and he went with a couple of cards: 16 Bonnies (1:1) and a Joker, which he turned into a 60 second Mission Impossible plank (still better than running).

    Honeysuckle took the next (surprise, surprise) and went for a dice roll in hopes that two exercises would take longer than one (and that burpees wouldn’t come up) and the risk paid off. 30 reps of leg raises and wife pleasers.

    The last lap took off at 5:57, and many of the men must have seen the time, because the performances were impressive. YHC finished first, but Yankee Joe had joined Honeysuckle and Pope right behind him, again revealing that he’s got more gas in the tank than he lets on. PAX planked until the 6 arrived, and it was 6:00.

    All in all, YHC was extremely impressed by this crew’s resilience as they pushed hard each lap. Seriously, though Pope and Honeysuckle put the bar nice and high, the rest of the bunch weren’t too far behind–every time. T-claps to Enron, YJ, and Paradox, for some noticeable pushes, and Smooth for being first off the line every time.

    More T-claps to the impressive level of mumblechatter this morning despite the lung-busting, leg-deadening work. Unfortunately, YHC’s memory has been affected by the post-beatdown brain fog, so the only one that comes to mind was Enron’s comment as we were lining up for lap 4 or 5. YHC’s hand had substantially brushed a particularly sensitive area as we crowded to be first in line, and he immediately came out with, “Man, I goosed AND diddled in one beatdown!” YHC couldn’t breathe, and it almost sabotaged the lap.
    If you remember more gems, please post them in the GroupMe to make up for YHC’s inability to immortalize them here.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Chlorophyll? More Like Borophyll. – from Paradiddle

    Coming off of a week long hiatus, YHC was excited to be back for a beat down. Not knowing where to turn, but knowing that the SV 500 lay around the corner, YHC consulted with none other than Goose to try and collect some intel on the possible beatdown. YHC was determined to try to prepare the PAX for lay ahead. After turning to the exicon for some inspiration, none other than a childhood favorite of Billy Madison would be the source of inspiration for the punishment that lay ahead.

    YHC was coming in hot this morning from Houma, and he arrived with only a few minutes to spare. The PAX were already assembled upon his arrival. Mumble chatter was low, and as YHC approached, silence fell over the men. DJ DOX would be needed for his duties this morning. Yankee Joe was quick to offer BAPS as the source of sound, even though YHC offered Burrito Supreme who was nestled in the truck. Let a man do his thing. BAPS to the rescue, and rescue us he would. But wait…who is that?! Out of the gloom came G.I. Joe – a legend of sorts in these swamps.

    We began the warmup with the usual SSH, grass grabbers w a clap, windmills, circles, cherry pickers, high knees, and mountain climbers.

    The pax would then mosey with a coupon to the breezeway at E.D. White, where the thang would be explained.

    The Thang
    Taking the advice of Goose (one hour, no breaks), YHC explained the Billy Madison.

    We would work our way through each of the numbered school grades, only to then have to repeat them as Billy does (to prove to his dad he’s not a fool). Each grade would have 12 reps of one exercise, followed by a run to St. Joseph Elementary and back to the breezeway at ED White. Once back to the breezeway, you would repeat all the previous grades, making your way all the way to 12th grade. (1st grade, 1st + 2nd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd + 4th grade, etc.)

    So the grades would go:
    1st – Burpees
    2nd – Bonnie Blairs
    3rd – Declined Merkins
    4th – Grainers
    5th – Kettle bell swings
    6th – Thrusters (do it for Tap)
    7th – goblet squats
    8th – Peter Parkers
    9th – OH Press
    10th – Russian Twists w/ coupon
    11th – Hernia (V-Ups w/ coupon)
    12th – Dips

    The Pax soon discovered that the run to St. Joseph would be their reprieve, a chance to catch your breathe, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me). With a strong start, everyone stayed together through third grade. Coyote set the pace for the 2.0’s, with Pope offering insight into his actual schedule for his upcoming school year. Lil Cuz, YJ, and America’s Best led helped to set the pace for the majority of the pax with a strong and consistent showing. YHC was terrified of the first impression he was leaving on Safety Valve. Smooth, as always, kept the run fun with the boys. YHC is sure that the convo shared between Dox and Gecko is one in reference to “that man”. Goose helped YHC set the pace, but in reality YHC was fighting to keep up through those coupon swings. A high school inspired playlist from some of the pax helped us along, and we needed all the help we could get. Imagine not having MMMBOP to get us through the sixth round of burpees?

    The Pax would make it halfway through 7th grade before time would force us to call it quits. A slow, silent mosey back to the flag and YHC desperately just wanted a cooldown walk. But the PAX pushed back and asked for three minutes of Mary. Freddie Merc’s, flutters, and ABC… (just three letters). The counting of this morning is all the evidence one would need to prove that the PAX desperately needed to repeat their grade. Now the only thing to do is make through the remaining grades at an undetermined date in the future.

    An impressive showing of 16 men this morning who came out, showed up, and put up with the shenanigans of a Saturdiddle. Til next time… or til next Saturday when we kinda have to do something similar again…but at least there will be breakfast.

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle