F3 New Orleans

Tag: Yankee Joe

  • DJ DOD Volume 4: Greatest Hits – from Paradox

    “Shouldn’t they teach that in school?!”

    It’s the conversation you’ve all had with friends or family and many topics can go into the open blank.

    Taxes, tire changes, bonnie blair’s..you name it, there’s somethings we would all add to the formation of our youth. We can all see the value of teaching and learning everyday life skills at the peak age of brain elasticity and thats where my newest form of learning comes in. The ultra secret 3-man groupme trivia league?! No..sorry, I’ve sworn an oath not to discuss that publicly and some hearts just aren’t ready to talk about it. What I’m referring to is my degree from the streetz. For the last 2 years I’ve been auditing classes from Dr. Jeauxs FLEX MBA (major ballin assets). No classroom for this stuff, you just have to be in close proximity and absorb these little wisdom nuggets . This semester we have really been diving deep into some great discussions in SELF PROMOTION SYSTEMS 5000. As we’ve seen from French Horn TMZ videos and from his own monologues this man can flat out teach. I’ve learned two major rules of the road from his mastery during BEATDOWN FRANCHISES 800 this semester.

    #1 Standardized production. Like watching Dilly bomb a drive 225 every single swing, the customer craves to know that the product will be the same repeatable quality. Why is the line always 20 deep at canes. You know the sauce is waiting and the caniac hasn’t changed!

    #2 Brand Recognition. Let the customer take solace in knowing the product is there for them. When you see the McD’s arch you don’t think about processed chemicals, just the taste of awesome fries. And when you see the DJ/card dealer gifs hit the groupme at 9pm the back of the brain says there will be pain but other guy in the midbrain with the mullet says you should totes NOT miss brah!!

    So when YHC was determining a suitable theme for a Tuesday Tuff with multiple pax (yhc included) in the walking dead category it was only right to return to the GREATEST HITS. YHC dialed up Ronnie over at Bayou Lafource Studios (yo dis P..who dis?) and his schedule was wide open for a pitt boss gig. With increasing franchise success, we would use the professor’s rules to keep the production the same great quality you all know and love but sprinkle in a little “fan servicing” (heck, it works for Disney) with previous hits and limited running for joint preservation.

    DUKE! Get the cards, its DJ DOD VOLUME 4 !! Roll the beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC rolled in hot after a failed attempt at Pope pickup but just in time to give a disclaimer for a mystery FNG! We got in the usuals with a bumper mosey that was eerily quiet as pax waited to see if this was a precursor for more running. It was the only .25 we attempted.

    A round of 21s followed just to make sure YHC had the pax full attention and several infractions led to 10 OYO burpees.

    THA THANG

    FORMAT: DJ (songs w/ triggers) followed by DOD- Ronnie Picks the game (blackjack, battle, poker etc)

    If you ‘re keeping track at home the previous 3 installments were:

    DJ DOD
    DJ DOD Volume 2: She’s A Brick House
    DJ DOD Volume 3: Fat Tuesday Tuff

    YHC hand selected a tune from each for todays Greatest Hits montage, mostly the ones that elicited the highest mix of grumbling and muscle growth.

    Round 1:
    Hey Ya- OutKast
    Coupons Side Shuffles on song with thrusters on Hey (down) Ya (up)
    This was a heater early but you know the Ole baseball trick, First pitch is always an inside the plate fastball to give the catcher some space to operate.

    DOD: High Card- Derkins, Chuck Norris Merkins, Freak Nastys (dips)

    I’d like to issue a formal apology for Valve and Jeaux who were the only attendees to survive this unlucky draw AND Gooses 70,000 merkin beatdown on Monday. T-claps.

    Round 2:
    Whip and Nae Nae from Silento
    Hold plank on song
    Merkins on Whip
    Side Reach on Nae Nae
    Leg raise on Stanky Leg
    MC on Break Yo leg
    **Editors Note- Need an exercise for “Bop”

    DOD: LBCs, Carolina Dry Docks, Bulgarian Split Squats

    Round 3
    “Ring of Fire” Johnny Cash
    Bearcrawls around Picnic table- Merkins on Fire
    Reports from Ponzi post beatdown of a lifelong cure of hemorrhoids just by realizing the true meaning of the song.

    DOD black jack: Leg Raises, Bonnie Blairs

    Round 4- a “bonus track” on the greatest hits album to make sure they come back hungry

    Destinys Child “Say My Name”
    Coupon High Knees- Coupon Curls on “Name”

    Wrap up with a traditional DJ DOD burnout song
    Calvin Harris – Too Close
    Freddy Mercuries till 6 am

    Counting, Naming and…AN FNG

    Our mystery FNG revealed himself as the cousin of NOLA’s Reluctant Yankee
    He was part of the amazing hosting team for the IOAM and came to see what the fuss was about.
    With great deliberation we landed on a combination of his address and hobbies with …WHITE MEAT
    Welcome man, Solid work and looking forward to seeing your progress out here.

    Prayer with solid Intentions as we continue through Lent with many ill and traveling.

    Thank you all for participating in the latest edition of DJ DOD, like any great temporary product (I see you McRib), it will return… when you least expect it but when you need it the most.

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox

  • Fat Tuesday Tuff- Volume 2: Texaco Cat has Unfinished Business – from Paradox

    “What is a Mardi Gras?” YHC asked. Standing in the playground of Homer Elementary , YHC was at that tender age of naivety when it seems coaches have all the answers to life’s questions. My PE coach cinched up his grey Riddell shorts (you know the ones) around a considerable beer gut and confidently informed me:

    “ Yea Owens, well it’s pretty much a bunch of idiots get drunk and dress up like fools with their friends then give up bread or something ….why don’t you go cover first base and maybe ask your parents”

    9 year old YHC trotted out to first base safely tucking Mardi Gras into my “Bobby Bouche: Things That are the Devil” folder, right beside football, MTV and any activities after 8pm.
    Thankfully it didn’t stay tucked away for long as God put YHC on a path towards south La and I would soon be in a free men’s workout group where the chatter de jour was usually “how to say pirogue” or “whether potato salad and gumbo should ever touch each other”. It’s one of the many fine attributes of this thing we call F3, somedays my virgin ears hear Depeche Mode and can never regain innocence and others days if I’m the lucky downwind pax, I get a fartlek taste in the air of last night’s Cajun cuisine. So, todays beatdown would be a wild hodge-podge of Mardi Gras learned, observed and practiced from a North La transplant.

    LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the court case filed as Mr. Ronnie Lillickk vs the Pax of F3 Thibodaux the ruling of the jury was that YHCs north La version of Mardi Gras does not represent all North La transplants. Furthermore, there are many fine intelligent people form this part of the state.

    Duke! I know you are the King of Barkus this year but you still have to roll the beautiful footage!!

    Warmup
    YHC moseyed in from deep Richman territory adorned in only the finest cheap plastic gadgetry that Houma CVS could offer. Running right into a welcome sight of none other than Tidy Whitey!! He got a few highlighter stick pops as penance for 500 plus missed beatdowns but was welcomed back with much hoopla and praise! With 8 more pax ready to roll we got down to business with the usuals as YHCs outfit could not withstand even a few SSHs, one hates to see it. A bumper/stop sign mosey was in order to get the legs pumping and begin racking up some RCR miles.

    THANG 1
    Mardi Gras Mambo –The Meters

    Traditional F3 Thibodaux style with Merkins on Mambo and Donkey Kicks on “Down in New Orleans”. This song goes down in F3 Thib lore. In its debut the line “it takes a cool cat to blow a horn” was translated (by YHCS caffeine riddled brain) into “Texaco Cat blows a horn” and the legend of Texaco Cat still lives on . YHC has always imagined Texaco Cat as a north La gas station attendant that’s strong as an ox, knows his rights and has a bumper sticker on his hemi Dodge Ram that says “kids who fish and hunt don’t steal and deal”.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that proper form would be observed and rewarded. Yankee Jeaux was locked in early and often in this beatdown and took the merkin form title easily. He was then granted the Tutu of Power and the Flashing Stick of Trust to lead us as the Grand Merkin Marshal in an Indian Run Parade with 3 drop off LBCs ( ya gotta find dat baby in da king cake shah! Piyyyyahhhh)

    Onward to the beginning of Richmans loop for “Throw me something Mister”, originating from a younger ignorant YHC speculating that maybe all those cajuns are just angrily throwing stuff around because they got all them teeth and no teethbrush (ok I’ve reached my second Waterboy reference and I promise that’s it)

    PAX partnered up with a goal of transporting both pax and 1 tennis ball to the far corner of RL. Mode of transport was mosey then catch a “throw” from your partner. Rinse and repeat with 3 “Hi 5” burpee penalty for a drop. Ended up in a two horse race with Goose/Cuz vs YJ/AB enjoying a reduced burpee penalty at the finish line. The rest of the us enjoying a 10 burpee appetizer.

    THANG 2

    Next up Mardi Gras Trivia to represent YHCs schooling years when I began to figure out the Rubiks cube holiday of mardi gras and Lent.

    Correct Answer- run/nur 1/2 road to port a jeaux
    Incorrect – run /nur full road to cones and back

    1-Name all three states in which Fat Tuesday is recognized as a State Holiday.
    ANSWER: LA, AL, FL- With a little prodding we got this correct.

    **LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the case of Mr./Future Dr. Maught vs the people of Florida the jury has come to a decision that he was in fact “not raised here” but does at times display Floridian characteristics and is able to leverage their politicians for social media clout.

    2-Carnival comes from the Latin phrase Carne Vale meaning what?
    ANSWER: Farewell to Meat – YHC was feeling gracious after those penalty burpees and helped a bit on this one.

    3- This on screen Batman served as King Bachus?
    Michael Keaton was correct with a surprising lack of controversy that Michael Keaton was the GOAT on screen Batman. YHC was ready for a good ole donnybrook if anyone said the word Clooney.

    4- New Orleans cancelled Mardi Gras parades in 1870 due to an outbreak of this disease?
    ANSWER: Yellow fever – Correct and a very safe guess for any illness before the 20th century.

    5- Krewe of Zulu tosses what coveted Mardi Gras trinket during the parade each year?
    “Coconut” was immediately given as an answer then contested that this was incomplete and YHCs brief internet research led him to believe it was only GOLD coconuts. YHC will now award post beatdown points that this was acceptable and letters of condolence have been sent to all who ran that extra eighth of a mile.

    THANG 3

    Only in the last 3 years has YHC come to fully appreciate Mardi Gras as part of the yearly feast before we begin our Lenten fasting. After some exicon research YHC found the Cooper to be a great representation of contrasted feast/fast with some potential RCR mileage sprinkled in .
    The (mini and abbreviated ) Cooper
    *editors note- a full Cooper is 10 merkins, squats, burpees with a quarter mile run in between each round
    Fast- Run 1/4 Mile (alley/straight away/alley and back )
    Feast – 7merkins , 7burpees, 7 squats

    The crew got about 3 rounds into this before YHC realized we were a touch behind schedule and called an Omaha at the line. We finished the 5 rep and 3 rep rounds at the corners of the loop then sprinted for home.

    Counting, naming and welcoming the prodigal Tighty Whitey return!

    InVESTment given to Cuz for his willingness to wear a hat and play the part of “that guy at the parade that bases his whole life on defending Bud Light”.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out

    Grateful to show up each day and improve the mind , body, and spirit with you fellas.

    See you in the Gloom

    Paradox

  • Pardon the Interruption – from Honeysuckle

    On an unseasonably warm Tuesday Tuff morning, YHC arrived early to the Stage only to find Goose and Pope already waiting. So the fact that there were some exercises written down on paper was not going to be a surprise to them. But Jankee Joe, Safety Valve, and Goldilox arrived after YHC hid the sheet. Still, nobody knew what was about to happen. The warmarama began

    SSH, WMH, WM, IW, ACF/R, CP, TS, HK, BK

    Then the PAX moseyed to the start of Rich Man’s Loop and began an Indian Run with a 2-burpee drop off. This was done for the entire mile. Yankee Joe did in fact make it the whole mile, so he may be in better shape for RCR than he thinks. In the homestretch, a svelte figure emerged from the gloom and he revealed himself to be Smooth Operator coming in hot.

    Back at the Stage, YHC fetched the exercise list and described the 2-man Dora. 120 each of

    Shoulder tap merkins
    Tempo squats
    World War I situps
    Crab Humper / Crab Dip
    Reverse Crunch
    Bonnie Blairs

    While the second team member ran around the sidewalk around the field.

    This sounds straightforward enough, but there was a wrinkle to this Thang. Both the team member doing the exercise and the team member running would be subjected to interruptions. The exercising team member had to listen out for an EMOM beep, at which point he has to do two burpees before continuing on with the exercises.

    The running team member would only have to contend with the Hwy 308 traffic. For every vehicle that passed (most PAX also included vehicles exiting the subdivision), independent of where on the loop you might be, one burpee had to be performed.

    This was to challenge the PAX’s mental endurance as much as physical. The EMOM interruptions were clearly coming every minute, so everyone knew what to expect and when to expect them. That did not make handling the interruptions any easier, though. The highway interruptions were in an unknown quantity and interval. Let’s just say traffic was heavy this morning.

    The combination of planned and unplanned interruptions resonates with YHC following a week with a planned work trip, disrupting YHC’s own schedule as well as the family’s, plus several other unplanned issues that seem to be piling up. In other words, life, and we all can relate to it.

    The PAX wisely let the annoyance and tiredness wash over them as it was often hard to get momentum during the run portion. For example, picture a line of five cars passing, but after the five burpees were completed, only a single step could be taken before yet another car passed. And then another single step. Smooth Operator had a Lieutenant Dan moment when he was frequently seen mocking the highway for even more cars to pass.

    Due to time, the exercise quantity was reduced so we could finish, but no one was really upset about that. In fact, a determined Safety Valve was able to start and finish all the Crab Dips before Smooth and I (throuple) returned from the run. As per usual, Goose, Pope, Lox, and YJ crushed the beatdown but in lieu of planking YHC politely asked everyone to continue with the Hwy 308 burpees until time was called.

    Announcements, prayer intentions, Lox prayed us out.

    As always, it is a privilege to be a part of this group that continues to challenge and push each other to be better in every facet of life.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Tribute: Bishop Mario Dorsonville – from Goose

    YHC was in the process of building a fun Saturday beatdown when Cardinal called with some devastating news: Bishop Dorsonville had passed away at 6:50pm from complications due to to treatment of liver issues. He had been dealing with a lot of pretty major medical stuff over the past couple of months, but he wasn’t anywhere near death, so this came as a shock to everyone. After some time grieving with the M and connecting with friends and family, YHC knew there was still a beatdown to be built for the morning, and the original theme wasn’t gonna work anymore. A solid tribute would be the only appropriate way to move forward.

    F3 tributes are usually put together for fallen soldiers or policemen killed in the line of duty, and they’re defined by a single, very difficult routine that provides for maximum effort to honor the fallen. Though not a soldier or a policeman, Bishop Mario Dorsonville offered his life deeply and continuously for the people of the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux in a uniquely heroic way, and his untimely death deserves such a tribute.

    When he was named Bishop of Houma-Thibodaux, he had no idea where it was or what to expect, but he accepted it as the Lord’s will and resolutely headed this way. After his installation, he told me (on multiple occasions and with deep, passionate sincerity) that this was not going to be a stop on the way to a bigger assignment for him. He had already made up his mind and had communicated to his superiors that these would be his people for the rest of his life. These would be the people to whom he would belong, and they would belong to him until his death or retirement. He had no family left on earth outside of some distant relatives back in Colombia, and he didn’t know anyone here. But, he quickly connected with YHC’s family and with Cardinal and his family. Cardinal would become his secretary, his right hand man in all things, his brother in every sense of the word, his companion on the journey. We just had no idea the journey would be so short.

    The PAX gathered in the cold gloom and YHC was grateful to sink into what has become a strong brotherhood, a team of HIMs defined by gratitude and humble grit. It was nice to enter that circle and let the chatter wash over us. YHC could tell the 2.0’s were grateful for that, too–they were close with Bishop, like an uncle, and they had just received the hard news that morning in the truck on the way there.

    A warmup of the usuals, including the introduction of what YHC labeled “Lafayette Nightclubs”, a weird but extremely effective arm exercise experienced in Lafayette a couple of weeks ago (they called them “Moroccan Night Clubs”, but anyone who’s been to Morocco knows better). It starts with hands up, elbows down at your sides, then extend up and outward about 45 degrees before coming back down. This one’s quickly becoming one of YHC’s favorites since it works out an area that’s been hard to loosen up.
    Also, Duke unwittingly provided some comic relief as he covered his whole face with his knit had to ward off the cold wind and kept drifting into Safety Valve’s circle of safety and windmilling him in the face. I think he actually wore it like that for the entire warmup.

    YHC then explained what we’d be doing and why–some of the PAX knew already and some didn’t–and we split into teams of three, grabbed one coupon per team, and headed to the lower field.

    The tribute would consist of a Dora-like routine wherein teams of three would complete the following exercises/reps:
    -B: Burpees 200
    -I: Imperial Walkers 300
    -S: Side Straddle Hops 400
    -H: Heels to Heaven 300
    -O: Ono’s (Apolo Ono’s) 200 (2:1)
    -P: Peter Parker Merkins 100
    There were two cones set up about 15 yards apart, and while one of the trio chipped away at the burpees, another at the other cone started on the Imperial Walkers, and the third traveled from the first to the second via block-and-bear. Upon arrival, he took over on the Imperial Walker reps, and the second traversed back via block-and-bear to take over on burpees. Once a rep count was completed, that side would move onto the next letter’s exercise.

    Yankee Joe came running over just as YHC was completing the explanation, but unfortunately, he made number 13, so we had to send him all the way back to grab another coupon so he could join one of the groups and make a foursome, requiring two men to block-and-bear together. He didn’t complain, though, and shared that he had heard about Bishop that morning, and though he may not have planned to be there otherwise, he had rushed out to the door to support YHC. That was deeply moving, and YHC was almost sorry to have to put him through such a grueling routine…almost.

    It started rough and remained rough throughout, especially with the cold coupons numbing the fingers, making it hard to tell if you were fully gripping the block on the pulls. But, the variations of exercises and switching between them made it a little more doable (a little). Once all had finished except Suckle and AB (that’s how you know there may have been some widespread form-fudging), the rest of the PAX took 5 PPMerkins apiece to fill the gap, and we lined up for the next movement.

    Indian Run via the road to the far gate (by the chimney field), the last guy dropping to do 3 genuflections before running to the front. This was tougher than it otherwise would have been, obviously because of the effort that was just poured in by the PAX, and the cold wind was a-blowin’. Once we arrived at the gate, YHC called a halt to share some words and an explanation of what we’d be doing next.

    Bishop Dorsonville loved intensely. He yearned for familial relationships, and he naturally gave himself over, opening his heart wide to those he encountered. This was often exhausting for him, especially as he encountered more and more people here, and many of them weren’t always sure how to receive such an intense, sincere, familial love. This was painful for him, particularly since he had no family or friends here to fall back on, no place to be safe and comfortable with people who knew his heart, to whom he already belonged. But, he didn’t stop. He continued to press on and show up and pour himself out, praying for strength and growing connections with people here. Thankfully, Cardinal’s prayer led him to say yes to the request to be Bishop’s full-time secretary (which is more of like a partner/assistant), and God allowed he and his family to provide a “home” for him. God also allowed YHC and family to give him some harbor in the storm when he’d visit the house to feel at home with the mess and beauty of family life.

    To honor this intense, often painful journey of pouring himself out unreservedly for the people here, we would run as hard as we could from there via the road to the parking area in front of the main building, just past the Thunderdome. It was about 1/3 of a mile, which was long enough to be friggin’ hard, but not long enough to get into a groove or find a good pace. He was the Bishop for only 9 months, which was long enough to be deeply difficult but not long enough to get comfortable.

    YHC sent Yote and the 2.0’s on the shorter route between the fields, and we lined up. On signal, we took off at a hard pace and kept it hard–YHC could hear the footsteps of Suckle not far behind, and the rest were not far behind him. The body was exhausted, but we had a good reason to offer it up, to not measure how much more we could take, especially because we knew it would end soon enough. This part hit YHC hard, and the tears wanted to take over, but the opportunity to pour it all out and the support of this awesome crew provided the drive needed to put the pedal to the metal. (And, it almost provided YHC’s first career pukeage, too.)

    We went down to the field and grabbed the gear before heading back to the flag for COT, and Dox prayed us out, all of us focusing on Cardinal’s grief and Bishop’s eternal rest.
    Thanks, again, gentlemen, for your support and for entering into an unforeseen tribute beatdown in sub-freezing temperatures. F3 continues to be a deeper, more important gift than I know any of us could’ve ever expected.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Every Morning in Africa… – from Paradox

    “Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up and knows it must be faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
    Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up and knows it must be faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
    It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle, when the sun comes up you better be running “
    -African proverb

    Todays beatdown inspiration was a bit of a “give a mouse a cookie” situation. YHC recently saw the above quote and tucked it away into the “beatdown ingredient “folder for later. Shortly after that YHC read a Nola backblast (shoutout to Charmin) with a “catch me if you can” modification called lions and gazelles. Shortly after THAT Gooses new years beatdown had pax 1 mile run times posted and YHC wondered what type of burpee handicap would put the pax on an equal running field. The blend was coming together, was just missing another ingredient when I saw my 2.0s running scared in the yard…hmmm….a dash of fear…just right! Now just need a heat source to cook this meal …or perhaps …perhaps this is a dish best served cold…

    Duke!! Get away from that watering hole and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!

    7 pax fought through icy windshields and hastily searched pants drawers to get better on a Tuesday Tuff at the stage. 25 degrees at alarm time with 15 mph wind puts us at a respectable F3 nation GMI of 14 (32-current degree F plus PAX attendance). We felt the kindred spirit with our F3 brothers in the northeast and midwest that call this weather “spring” .

    YHC started the partner work early at home when attempting to unfreeze the truck too late but Valve was ready and waiting with the cutting-edge Ford technology across the street so we headed down 308 together silently waiting to see if Yankee ever found pants. Team Platinum soon found Goose and Ronnie (with leg coverings!) loitering in the cold with Jeaux and Popeye close behind.
    Today’s goals were simple. Never stop moving and get the pax home with all their fingers and toes and wives leggings intact.

    Warmup
    Heavy Cardio warmup with a double dose of MCs to get the heart charged and blood to the fingers if only for a second.

    Continued Warmup
    Indian Run around Richmans Loop to let the pax see the Serengeti and prime the watering holes (drop off cones)
    Drop off to 3 Jillian Michael’s (haven’t missed those)

    YHC tried to find the song that would transport the pax to a sunny tropical state of mind so we ran while the Beach Boys told us about a place way down in Kokomo. This served to warm our hearts for about 2 seconds until turning the corner on the flat land of richmans loop and feeling the full force of the wind. We did not get there fast or take it slow and the Beach Boys would be ashamed but we did end up where we wanted to go and picked up a wild Dilly while out in the bush!

    Da Main Thang a Lang

    LIONS VS GAZELLES

    Da Rules:
    -Lion starts by doing 15 burpees while gazelles take off from starting line
    -Gazelles must do assigned exercise and reps at each “watering holes” before progressing
    -the lion can kill (tag) you at any time and is immune from watering hole exercises
    -You can only run forward
    -Pax must stay on the road
    -When tagged you are “dead “, complete 10 burpees and mosey back to starting line
    -if you make it back “home” no penalty
    -The lion will do 2 penalty burpees for every living gazelle who makes it home.

    Round 1
    Lion Goose vs Gazelle PAX—Score: Goose 6 Gazelles 0
    Gazelles made a respectable trek to in between the second and third watering hole before Lion Goose unleashed carnage. The ever cunning strategist Lion Goose ran down the leaders in cold blood then circled back for the rest. I shudder to think what Pope will do in this format.

    Round 2
    Lion Jeaux vs Gazelle PAX- Score Jeax 1 Gazelles 5
    Only change is 10 merkins which in Jeaux’s defense went much quicker than YHC expected and may have put us ahead early. Most of the gazelles made it home to their families. Lion Jeaux did not starve but later commented that the Gazelle Dilly was “a little gamey” for him. Sadly there will be a zoo truck coming soon to “transfer him to a better place”.

    Round 3
    Lion Popeye vs Gazelle PAX- Score Pop 6 Gazelles 0
    12 Burpees for the Lion this round to start, 5 Jump Squats at watering holes.
    Lion runs forward while pax Nur and stare down our impending death. YHC tilted this one a touch in the favor of the Lion to ensure maximum effort. The nur/jump squat combo took the gazelles down fast and Popeye came around the first bend of Richmans loop like a persistent tank rolling down gazelles with reckless abandon. He took YHC and Goose just after cone 2 with a gentle tap that and nod that it was time death and for more burpees.

    Round 4 – Partner race for home
    P1 sprint to next light and MC
    P2 MC till p1 is stopped at next light
    YHC sowed some confusion early by saying leap frog but performing something different. The pax adjusted well and every team stayed in close contention.

    Formed up to finish a standard Indian run home with a sprint finish

    Just enough time for a little Proud Mary, this is an old Goose classic and never gets old
    Assorted abs on the song with Big Boys on “Rolling”.

    Just before the song we realized the wind had taken down Ole Glory on our shovel flag. Goose fiddled with putting it back together but he is not one to miss a session of Mary so he resolutely held the stars and stripes up and off the ground while torching abdominals down below. Never been prouder of my site Q.

    The Counting, the Naming and we found ANIMAL inside of the seventeenth layer of YJs clothes. It was given to Pop in honor of his Gazelle feast in round 3.

    Announcements:
    RCR sign ups and prep
    It’s Only a Mile – Feb 17th

    COT and Ronnie prayed us out

    Moleskin:
    We can be motivated, at least temporarily, by many things.
    There can be comfort (Kokomo in 25 degrees weather), control (how many reps?), fear (is that Popeye or the grim reaper?). These are mostly internal motivations that we reach for in the face of adversity. But what the pax of F3 Thibodaux consistently teach YHC is the value of an external motivation. One detached from my own needs and desires. Reaching outside of oneself for your children, your spouse or just that sweaty dude next to you who keeps making 3 inches jokes. When we find this extra gear of shared suffering it’s amazing to see the reservoir of strength that God provides with it.
    Thanks for the effort despite the brutal condition’s today men.

    It’s a privilege to lead

    Epilogue

    Every morning in Thibodaux the Gloom awaits men knowing it will capture many with struggle and snares.
    Every morning in Thibodaux the pax wake up knowing they must work hard to beat the gloom.
    And that when the sun rises, there will be men at his side, pushing to make each other a little better each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • What’s an ARK? – F3 Greenwood – from Enron

    YHC has been struggling with a cold/cough this past month so preparations for a Q were limited. Not calling out a certain PCP though… Anyways, some digging into record books was needed to pull out something that would be worthwhile for the PAX’s never-ending desire for pain. F3 Greenwood and their IPC have always seemed to have the ticket to putting things at a level that seems achievable on paper but once in action seems worthwhile to have stayed home. After researching backblast the plan was settled. The hype was sent out and on we went.

    10 PAX showed up to the den ready to roll.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, IW, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, MC, Self-Love, Mosey around the Civic center.

    The Thang:
    Noah was told by God to build an Ark. To do this, Noah had to pick out the right trees and cut them down.

    Gathering Lumber
    3 rounds
    1 minute Al Gore (Tree Hugger) – These minute(s) seemed to get longer and longer as we went. Paradox’s chatter could be heard from the other end of the line.
    10 Chopping Wood Lunges
    Once the lumber was gathered, Noah started building the Ark. God directed Noah to build the Ark to very specific dimensions (300 cubits by 30 cubits by 50 cubits).

    Building the A.R.K.
    Alternating Shoulder Taps Merkins x 300
    Reverse Crunches x 30 (AB, these were not gas pumps despite what the remainder of the PAX had to say about the air down on the other end of the field)
    Karaoke x 50
    The pax partnered up to build the Ark. Pax 1 drops to the plank position and starts Alternating shoulder tap Merkins. Pax #2 Mosey 50 yards and drops to do 30 reverse crunches then Karaoke back and swap out.

    In Genesis 7:8, the Ark has been built so the animals start coming in by twos for Noah to load onto the boat.

    Animals 2 by 2
    AMRAP until time is called.
    Start with 2 reps for each station and add 2 each time you move to the next station.
    4 Stations
    Station 1 – Crunchy Frog
    Station 2 – Monkey Humpers
    Station 3 – Dolphin Hops – Yes, Dolphins on a boat, it makes sense because they were hopping
    Station 4 – Penguins
    PAX choice to, Bear Crawl, Crab walk, or Duck walk between Stations.
    “Recover” called at 6:00

    Announcements for the upcoming Run Cajun Run event in February as well as the upcoming ACTs retreat.
    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. Excellent work on a tough beatdown from F3 Greenwood.

    Till next time,
    Enron

  • Who needs the 5th Grade – from Smooth Operator

    Attendance
    Lil Cuz
    Yankee Jeaux
    Popeye
    Wet tap
    Safety valve
    Goats in machine in spirit

    This morning YHC was excited to get back into the fold after Christmas and hunting season have hurt my posting numbers. YHC arrived at 0505 and the PAX started rolling in.

    Warmarama
    – SSH
    – Imperial walkers
    – Arm circles thanks to Yankee Jeaux
    – Cherry Pickers
    – high knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mosey to coupon corner

    My first posting was 1/12/23 and I wouldn’t have done it if not for Goats in the Machine who happened to have the q that day. So, this beatdown is a modified version of Goats’ best work in my opinion.
    Thang 1: Billy Madisons
    • Perform 12 reps of and exercise and the run the walking path loop
    • Add 12 reps of and additional exercise to each round
    • Each round represents a grade level (you know like in the movie)
    • Preform as follows”
    o Kindergarten = Monkey Humpers
    o 1st grade = Burpees
    o 2nd grade = Chuck Norris merkins
    o 3rd grade = Apollo uno’s 2 is one
    o 4th grade = WW1 sit ups
    o 5th grade = Penguins

    YHC might have tweaked the exercises here, but I was really in the mood to do monkey humpers. Once we got to 5th grade, YHC decided to just jump to Thang 2 for time reasons. Who needs 5th grade anyway.

    Thang 2 Catch Me If You Can”
    PAX were partnered up in the field between The Stage walking loop and the subdivision entrance. The thang consisted of 5 squats while chasing each other via sprint and nerr for a couple laps across the field (edge of the parking lot to the white fence at the front of the subdivision).

    Apparently YHC was never paired up with someone who was fast because a nurring Safety Valve smoked YHC trying to sprint each time. The PAX knocked this one out.

    Thang 3: 11s
    • Freak Nasty & shoulder tap merkins/ Travel Bear Crawl

    This was performed on the bird poo riddled stage. Freak nasty’s on brick bench, bear crawl through the bird poo and shoulder tap merkins on the other side. Goats was on to something with this one, because this Thang kicked my butt. The PAX finished with 3 or 4 minutes to spare, so it was time to head to the sidewalk and do a couple burpees with the cars passing by. I believe we did 10 or so before 0600. We circled up and counted off, did announcements, and Yankee Jeaux prayed us out. Thanks for showing up for the manniversary and having fun.

    SYITG

    Smooth Operator.

  • Run, and let Die – from Honeysuckle

    On a chilly morning, YHC plus 14 or 15 HIMs convened at the Lion’s Den to raise the temperature of Thibodaux a few degrees. After a pre-beatdown site survey of the greater Warren J Harang Jr Municipal Auditorium area, YHC determined that most of the grassy area was too wet due to the previous day’s precipitation, which partially put a damper on some of the plans. At this point, a gravel road and an Aldi were willed into existence so that the beatdown could commence.

    Warmarama: SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Mountain Climbers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Toy Soldiers, Willie Mays Hayes

    Don’t tell Goose, but it is indeed true that opportunities for on-the-clock stretching can be found in the Warmarama if one looks.

    Mosey to the playground

    The Thang:

    YHC explained that there is no point in trying to follow an America’s Best beatdown; no amount of creativity could compare. In fact, YHC was dealt a Paradox, YJ, Goose, Goose, America’s Best hand to follow, so why even bother. So to help out with the lack of detailed planning, the specifics of today would be a little random. The beatdown was based on a random waypoint concept, where six locations around the area were chosen as the waypoints. At each waypoint, some exercises would be done. The choice of which waypoint to go to would be determined by the roll of an allegedly fair die. The waypoints and exercises were as follows

    1: Lion statue (50 Moroccan Night Clubs 2:1)
    2: Gravel road near stop sign (50 Apollo Ohnos 2:1)
    3: Gravel road near exercise equipment (30 tempo squats)
    4: Gravel road near gate (25 LBCs + 25 Big boy situps)
    5: Playground (30 Derkins)
    6: Aldi parking lot near the broken glass (15 burpees)

    Transport between waypoints would be a faster-than-a-mosey run, except if a 1 is rolled in which case there would be a hard run to the Lion statue area. Another rule that did not need to be enacted today was that if the same number were rolled twice in a row, PAX do 10 burpees and roll again.

    The PAX spent a lot of time bouncing around between 4 and 2, so some good core and lower body work was done while getting to know the new gravel road well. Popeye questioned the fairness of the die, but surely the quality control department of Milton Bradley would not let a biased die be packaged as part of a Yahzee set.

    Finally, a 3-5-6-1 sequence was rolled, allowing the PAX to enjoy some change of pace with some squats, derkins, burpees, and Moroccan nightclubs. The visit to 6 also let the PAX get a close look at the Aldi parking lot. Interestingly, neither the gravel road (which appears to be an extension of N 10th street) nor the Aldi parking lot were planned to be a part of today’s beatdown, but as luck would have it, the conditions forced us there and they stole the show. I know Goldilox’s first choice was to give the vest to the gravel road.

    As there was still time left, of course a 4 was rolled so the PAX headed back to the yellow gate to work on their 4 packs. The beatdown would be finished via an administrative decision to hit waypoint 5 for 10 more derkins then sprint to 1. Apparently without the Moroccan nightclubs.

    Goldilox returned the vest to its original owner, Paradox, who as legend has it is thus now obligated to destroy it. If he can.

    Announcements revealed that Paradox has Saturday, followed by Smooth on Monday, and Pope on Tuesday. Also the buzz around Run Cajun Run is noticeably increasing.

    Yankee Joe prayed us out. Dox photoed us out.

    Thank you to the 14 or 15 Pax who showed up this morning. It is always one of the most enjoyable parts of my day to sweat and suffer alongside this group. Tclaps to Maneater and Jackknife for yet another post!

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Everybody’s an Expert – from America’s Best

    Ten genetically-modified hyper-intelligent HIMs posted this cold morning to exercise minds and bodies.

    And the categories are:
    The 4 P’s of Marketing
    Programming Languages
    Irish Musicians
    The Four Pillars of Catholicism/Christian Life
    Antibiotic Classes
    Versions of Halo
    Things on my Desk
    Minor Bluey Characters
    Harry Potter

    One thing I love about this PAX is that each member brings specific acumen to the table. Everyone is an expert in something. But first, YHC had to ascertain exactly what that was for each dude.

    Jackknife immediately impressed, not only showing up as a 2.0 on a Tuesday Tuff, but also by conveying one of his areas of expertise during YHC’s intro/example. Seriously. This kid is awesome. And he knows some Bluey.

    As for the rest, we went on an Indian run of discovery. As each man at the back sprinted to the lead, he declared his area of expertise for all to hear.

    Upon our return to the flag, we began this thang:

    Circle up, and each expert first chooses an exercise, then we all get to embarrass ourselves with our lack of knowledge in his area of expertise.

    YJ was first, and tried to suggest simply “merkins.” Of course, YHC predicted this, and so the box of destiny (formerly the box of Ballard Designs) was consulted.

    The options were: Absolutions, 4x4s, Manmakers, Thrusters, Goosies, No-cheat merkins, Burpees, WW3 sit-ups, or M.H.G.S. Amazingly it was the same number as number of categories/PAX (minus the moderator). Thus is the magic of the Box of Destiny.

    We went around the circle attempting to name the 4 P’s of Marketing, and for each answer that remained after each guess, we did that many of the named exercise. Of course, only YJ could answer most of these (although the judges gave credit to Dox, for “placement”); so we did a fair amount.

    Maneater was next, and I’m sure shook his head as we struggled to identify programming languages, although YHC was impressed with the knowledge of many in this area (Cardinal schooling YHC with HTML –mind blown).

    Irish Musicians was a surprise addition, and YHC’s favorite category. YJ used this opportunity to showcase his deep-rooted hatred of Oasis, refusing to identify either of the Gallagher brothers as musicians, instead opting for the pain of more beatdown.

    YHC’s poor phrasing of the next category left everyone except Cardinal confused as to what the question was actually asking for. This worked out, because only Cardinal could decipher YHC’s intent, and so we got to do more Absolutions. What didn’t work out as well was that Cardinal’s way of explaining was basically just murmuring all the answers! YHC will soon begin a journey that will hopefully help with improved trivia in this category.

    Other than Goose’s surprise guess of “penicillin” right out of the gate, only Dox was able to name 3 other antibiotic classes. Best wrong answer award of the day went to young Jackknife for his guess “Cocaine”. Dox enjoyed doing extra Thrusters with each wrong answer from the PAX.

    Although other guesses were counted as correct, only Pope truly knows which versions of Halo exist.

    And then we came to Lil’ Cuz. What do you do about a man like this? His acumen in so specialized YHC could not begin to pierce the veil of his true knowledge. He is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma… covered and smothered in perplexity. Even trying to guess what might be on his desk proved a challenge. Especially since most guesses would lead one to believe that Lil’ Cuz works in the 1950’s. Have you people only ever seen a desk in “Mad Men”? I’m pretty sure the next few guesses would have included “an ashtray” or “an empty whiskey glass.”

    We ran out of time, but allowed ourselves just a few more burpees while Jackknife rattled off at least 5 or 6 minor characters in Bluey. And Goldilox’s category will have to wait until Double-Jeopardy.

    Yankee Jeaux allocated the AlPAXa inVESTment to Goldilox

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    America’s Got ToVent:

    The seed for this beatdown came from YHC’s exclusive double-secret trivia league, which YHC introduced today to those present. While YHC only gets 2 referrals into this league per season, I am happy to offer them to anyone in this PAX (even Dox). Although as I write this, I actually already have added my 2 referrals to the waiting list! So instead, let me just say I am glad to add another inner-circle for YJ to strive towards– Maybe next season, my friend.
    Thank you all for what you have done to challenge and change YHC in ways you might not even know.
    Well-done showing up and showing off your brains and brawn. You guys always impress me.