PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope
Tag: Yankee Joe
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The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
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– from America’s Best
A few weeks ago, YHC and a couple of other HIMs were discussing why a certain HIM (who shall remain unnamed) has not yet taken a Q. The answer from him the HIM: the bar is too damn high! YHC granted that things were out of hand. It was time to, in the words of Romanian-German new-age worldbeat musical project Enigma, return to innocence.
But first: Warmarama
SSH, windmills, Imperial Walkers, WMH, Toy Soldiers, Tie Fighters, Cherry Pickers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Lafayette Night Clubs.
Bumper mosey to pick up coupons and return for:
Tha Thang. Just a Musical Dora.
Partnered up, then during each song, one partner knocks out the exercise, while the other uses assigned MOT to the far sidewalk, then moseys back. Flapjack, continue. Race to get 200 reps per exercise before the song ends.
The Songs, the Exercises, the MOT:
1: First, Merkins, Crab Walk
2. Seconds, V-Ups, Run a lap
3: 3rd Stone from the Sun, Curls, Bear Crawl
4. Positively 4th Street, Tyson Merkins, Lap
5: A Fifth of Beethoven, American Hammers, Dragon Walk
6: 6th Avenue Heartache, BBS, Lunge Walk
7: Seventh Son, Wheezy Jeffersons, Crawl Bear
8: Henry the VII, Burpees, Sprint
It was basically impossible to get to 200 on any of these, but I felt we needed an unobtainable goal. Threw that one long Hendrix song in there just to give a glimmer of hope, and to fulfill the prophecy of “that Charlottesville hipster hookah lounge” music.
Final Thang: Identify the songs from the beatdown. Popeye and Honeysuckle, as usual, took care of the more obscure songs. White Meat ID’d 7th Son, and Yankee Jeaux ID’d Henry VII… man those geezers know their music. (Popeye had been figuring out “Positively 4th Street” for about 2 rounds, but upon returning from his Dragon Walk he had figured it out. The man has the heart of a warrior, and the mind of a Spotify).
3rd Stone from the Sun was the only song not identified by the PAX, so we only had to do one burpee. It was fairly obvious at this point that the songs all included ordinal numbers.
Then just 2 minutes of Mary to get us to that sweet Sugar Mill Whistle.
COT
FNG became Doubtfire.
Animal from Honeysuckle to Lil Cuz.
Blue Tube from Wet Tap to Honeysuckle.
Wet Tap prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
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Railroaded – from Goose
YHC was admittedly excited about the idea for this beatdown. It came much earlier than the usual 10pm the night before, and YHC even hyped it two days early hoping to stir some interest. However, with crickets on the GroupMe and excuses flying like flatulence at the Lion’s Den, it looked like there may be no one to enjoy such a highly anticipated feast of chance, strategy, teamwork, and train tracks. But, a strong representation of the PAX (even Dox, who had to leave early to get to clinics) charitably made their way to the Peltch this morning worked up enough interest to make it all feel worthwhile.
Enough of the pleasantries, this beatdown was a cutthroat competition for European dominance via railway, and it went something like this:
YHC: Alright, 6:30, let’s get warmed up.
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
(…this leads to all but Valve discussing said movie, which left YHC and Valve the only ones doing any counting. Some definite foreshadowing here…)
(All mosey to the Thunderdome where the board game “Ticket to Ride is set up on a cinder block-carboard table)
YHC: Ok, here are the rules. We’ll split up into three teams of three players each.
(Counts off–teams are: 1. Dox, AB, YJ 2. Pope, White Meat, Duke 3. Valve, Maneater, YHC)
YHC: Each team will pick a card, which has a route on it. You’ll need to place your colored train cars on the different colored tracks that will connect all the cities on your route to connect the start and end points in a non-stop chain of trains.
Dox to AB: Ok, if we start with this one here in Zurich, we can connect to Venezia…
YHC: Hey, listen to the instructions, you can strategize later.
Dox: I can do both at the same time.
YHC: Not so sure. …So, you can claim a track connecting two cities if you do the exercises and the reps that correspond to the color of the track and the number of train cars it indicates you need. So,…
AB to Dox: I think we should make our way through Duetchland. Did you notice that I said “Deutchland”? That’s because I…
YHC: You’re gonna want to pay attention to this. So, if a track has three red car spaces, you would look at this board and see that a red car space means 15 merkins, so each member of your team would need to do 45 merkins.
YJ: (While AB and Dox are whispering and pointing to Amsterdam) Wait, what color are we?
YHC: And, if there is an engine on a space, that means you need to run to the gate and back.
Maneater: Nope
YHC: And, if another team claimed a track you need, you can put one of your stations on the city it connects to and use that track, but a station is earned by your whole team bear crawling around the perimeter of the thunderdome.
Dox to AB: …and if we cut through Budapest…
YHC: Oh, and these spaces outlined in black are tunnels. That means the reps are doubled for those spaces. Here are the exercises and reps indicated by each color track/space on the board:
-Red: 15 Merkins
-Black: 10 Burpees
-Blue: 15 Jump Squats
-White: 15 Bonnie Blairs (2:1)
-Green: 20 Big Boy Situps
-Orange: 20 Crunchy Frogs
-Pink: 20 Toe taps (plank, reach through and touch opposite toe, 2:1)
-Yellow: Line jumps for 1 min, 20 second break between (two feet jump back and forth over a line)White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
YHC: Once you’ve completed the route on the card, you can pick another route card, either a short one or a long one, but if you pick it, you’re committed to completing it. For the cards you complete, you get the number of points indicated on the card, but for the ones incompleted, you lose that number of points. You also will get points for each train car on the board, and the longer the track chosen between cities, the more points you get for it.
AB to Dox: …we should definitely go through Essen. I have a lot of friends there…
YHC: Any questions? Guys! I said, “Any questions?”
YJ: Wait, what team am I on?
YHC: Ok, begin!
(YHC, Valve, and Maneater immediately start cranking out 60 crunchy frogs apiece, and White Meat, Pope, and Duke are doing what seems to be 10 minutes worth of big boys. Meanwhile, the blue team seems to have claimed three or four full tracks before anyone else gets back to the board.)
Dox: Alright, now we just need these three and an engine to go up to Kobenhaven…
Valve: No! Why in the world do you need Kobenhaven?? Goose! We gotta run!
Maneater: Oh, God
(Goose and Valve take off in an effort to beat AB, Dox, and YJ to the gate and back, but it doesn’t matter–somehow, they’ve already done the other exercise reps needed to claim that track, so YHC’s team is stuck with a perimeter bear crawl in order to place a station. I mena, you can’t get to Stockholm without going through Kobenhaven!)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
Dox: Alright, we’re done with this route, let’s pick another card.
Pope: (as he finishes his 80th Bonnie Blair) Did he say “done with this route”?
YHC (internally): I never want to do another crunchy frog for as long as I live.
Valve to Maneater and YHC: Well, it looks like we could either do 60 burpees or 80 crunchy frogs to get to Pamplona.
Maneater and YHC: Crunchy frogs it is.
Pope: No! Blue claimed the track we needed again! I guess those Bonnie Blairs were wasted. Gotta do another perimeter craw.
AB: We’re running out of blue train cars to put on the board. Let’s just start using the black ones.
Dox to AB and YJ: Alright, we’ve done seventeen cards, and it’s 7:15, so I’ve got to go. You guys ought to be able to get another ten or twelve, huh?
AB and YJ: You bet–we’ve got plenty of gas in the tank. This is fun!
YHC to Valve: (panting heavily) I’m having trouble seeing straight–what color is that?
Valve: It’s blue–they’re all over the board, like a stage 4 cancer
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
AB to YJ: So, that’s 60 total big boys. How many have you done so far?
YHC to AB: Wait, are you guys each doing all the reps, or are you splitting the total amongst your team?
AB: Don’t worry, we’re splitting them up. We wouldn’t be so crazy as to each do all those reps. That would be ridiculous.
YHC to White Meat and Pope: Are you guys splitting them up?
Pope: No, we’re each doing the whole rep total.
YHC to AB: Exactly! That’s what we’re all supposed to be doing!
AB: Dox was confident that he heard it was a compilation. And now he’s on his way to work soothing his lemon truck woes with the smug confidence of an inevitable victory.
Valve to YHC: Injustice happens. Looks like we’re bear crawling another lap.
(AB and YJ honorably change their rep counts with 10 minutes left to match the actual rules somehow missed in the explanation, knowing that there will be some substantial point docking at the end. The other two teams keep on keeping on, all the while completely avoiding all black tracks. Seriously, not one burpee was done. It’s amazing what lengths we’ll go to to avoid burpees when given any other option.
7:30 hit and points were tallied with the blue team graciously forfeiting 1/3 of their points. Counted off and three wearables were rewarded: Phil the Pain went to Pope, The Fire Within went to Valve, and Blue Tube went to YHC)YJ: (Prayer)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
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Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose
YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
Coyote -
The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox
Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
( See volume 1 below)The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox
So there was only one thing left to do …
YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
“ Greetings from Grand Isle “I took a sip and this is what followed…
Duke !!
Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.
After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :
1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.
2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.
We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.
The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
Rocky balboas on the song
Double Merkin burpee on all LouisianasThis Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.
We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.
Thang 2
Back to the Future 49 Corridor
Format :
7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey
Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.
YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.
Exercise: Wide Merkins
1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)
Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.
Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys
2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?
AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”
Exercise: Diamond Merkins
3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
Who played bond? – Roger Moore
Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.
Exercise : Leg Raises
(Hidden Music Daily Double)4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.
Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
Not all apiarist wear capes.We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.
**this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
Apollo Onos (2 is one)5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)
Finisher :
Carolina Dry docks
6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?
The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.
We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .
By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.
Announcements
-Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
-Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
-Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
-Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.
-Goose prayed us out
-Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.
It’s a joy to lead ya men
Postscript:
Merkin History Repeats Itself
Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.
In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.
Let’s take a look:
*This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.
Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.
Cricket: chirps*
Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.
Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?
Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.
Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?
White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.
Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.They decided to suffer together.
Their chest and their souls were all better for it.
SYITG
Dox -
The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox
Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
( See volume 1 below)The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox
So there was only one thing left to do …
YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
“ Greetings from Grand Isle “I took a sip and this is what followed…
Duke !!
Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.
After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :
1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.
2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.
We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.
The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
Rocky balboas on the song
Double Merkin burpee on all LouisianasThis Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.
We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.
Thang 2
Back to the Future 49 Corridor
Format :
7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey
Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.
YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.
Exercise: Wide Merkins
1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)
Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.
Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys
2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?
AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”
Exercise: Diamond Merkins
3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
Who played bond? – Roger Moore
Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.
Exercise : Leg Raises
(Hidden Music Daily Double)4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.
Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
Not all apiarist wear capes.We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.
**this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
Apollo Onos (2 is one)5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)
Finisher :
Carolina Dry docks
6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?
The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.
We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .
By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.
Announcements
-Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
-Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
-Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
-Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.
-Goose prayed us out
-Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.
It’s a joy to lead ya men
Postscript:
Merkin History Repeats Itself
Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.
In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.
Let’s take a look:
*This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.
Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.
Cricket: chirps*
Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.
Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?
Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.
Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?
White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.
Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.They decided to suffer together.
Their chest and their souls were all better for it.
SYITG
Dox -
An Anniversary of Something – from Honeysuckle
Nine men Came Together at the Lion’s savannah for the 55th anniversary of Something. What exactly that was, we’d have to find out later. First a good warmarama, and thorough, was needed, with the usuals.
Then a mosey through Aldi’s parking lot to Rienzi drive, through the St Francis vegetable and Octopus Garden. Despite some fears that the garden shed was going to be involved, we moseyed right past to the basketball court. The door was locked, so we’d have to come in through the back room window anyway.
Thang 1 was to be a Dora consisting of 155 Merkins, 155 Squats, and 155 Hillbilly Walkers (2:1). Full time transport was Carioca. This was chosen as we were right in the middle of a Tuesday IPC and a Saturday BK 500. No coupons, so no carrying that weight. And no Paradox today, so no one to call YHC “Honey” or even Oh Darling. All this was written on YHC’s Polythene-covered paper. Smooth and YHC were lagging behind, in no small part due to bad math. But Because of that, the Majesty of the PAX to pick us up at The End was on full display.
During the Dora, YHC dropped several clues about the magical mystery anniversary and greatly enjoyed the back and forth among Yankee Joe, Goose, AB, and Popeye about what it might be, and eventually the order of release of Beatles albums. Still, the PAX didn’t take long to deduce that today was the 55th anniversary of the release of Abbey Road by the Beatles. This would lead to Thang 2.
Thang 2 was to be “AB”-bey Road. Following three medleys in the album, YHC had prepared a medley of Mary exercises. The first medley was a single track, You Never Give Me Your Money (as in the case of F3). America’s Best, having smelled that trivia was occurring, began his usual tact of messing up YHC’s questions by stating all (well, at least some of) the trivia he knew about the topic at once. Surprisingly, when Pope began doing the same, all I could think is Here Comes the (goose’s) Son also.
The second medley was Mean Mr Mustard, Polythene Pam, and She Came in Through the Bathroom Window. We then discussed the intracies of the album cover and how people used it to perpetuate the “Paul is Dead” conspiracy.
Finally, to AB’s chagrin we skipped Golden Slumbers to jump right in to Carry that Weight, The End, and Her Majesty.
Mosey back to the savannah. We then did a mini-equalizer to grab another minute of work. The Fire Within went from White Meat to Pope. Announcements included YHC’s poor Paradox impression to hype up the BK 500. Popeye prayed us out.
Thanks PAX for knowing that one day you’d have to listen to the Beatles and showing up day in and day out anyway.
SYITG,
Honeysuckle -
IPC Stragglers – from Goose
A few of us had waited till the regular Saturday, Peltch-fest IPC time to crank out the hoagies and grinders, I mean burpees and thrusters. Or, maybe we were grateful for the chance to put it off till the last minute.
As the expected PAX waded in through the waste deep water, and the rain continued for the fourth straight day, YHC was looking for a place where we could do thrusters in the grass but burpees on the pavement. (Mud burpees are fun, but not if you’re trying to do over 200 for time.) That’s when the last person any of expected to show up showed up. That’s right, Yankee Joe, Mr. Backiotomy himself, pulled up with the Prius’s waterproof battery installed.
He immediately revealed The Fire Within, and that, combined with YHC’s being clad in Phil the Hurt, Enron’s left-out feelings began to stir. But, hey, there are only three named tank tops to go around, so, you’ll have to wait your turn.
After a lengthy warmup for maximum back and shoulder loosening, we moseyed to the edge of the playground where the coupon herd awaited us. After some debate about the best combo of mud and pavement, Smooth pointed out that the wooden pylons around the playground made for perfectly spaced stalls for each PAX.
YHC explained the routine at YJ’s request, revealing that had YJ known what a back-blaster this workout would be, he may not have been so cavalier in jumping back into the fray. But here we were, so suggested modifications were given, the music was cued up, and the tyrannical EMOM timer was unleashed.
Round 1 was done by all with plenty of confidence, each of us surprised and hopeful at the amount of thrusters we could fit into the 40-ish seconds left after five quick burpees. And that was it—that’s how long the confidence and hope lasted. Round 2 revealed the truth—we were in for a long, awful grind made possible only by the fact that the man next to you wasn’t gonna stop. And the men Wednesday didn’t stop. So, don’t think about how many are left, don’t think about whether you can do it, and definitely don’t take breaks—the loop monster was hot on our heels.
Enron and Valve were driving each other at a breakneck pace, and Pope was popping burpees like they were side straddle hops. YHC, on the other hand, takes a little longer to throw this long, heavy body around, and after seeing Honeysuckle’s performance on Wednesday and hearing that his thruster form was impeccable throughout, my thrusters would have to be real thrusters. Elbows to knees every time. No man should be left alone in his suffering, and doing that many proper thrusters in under 25 minutes is suffering, no matter how low your resting heart rate is.
Pope, Enron, and Valve took off on the 400 meter run, but YHC still had a ways to go. YJ and Smooth were courageously sticking with it. Smooth even commented that he was already farther along than he got on Wednesday. What a hoss.
The numbers kept creeping along, with every thrusters and burpee bought at a high price. They each felt valuable, but there were still so, so many required before the rewards of rest and pride could be attained.
YHC hoped irrationally that the second half would at least start off a little easier given the recovery mosey and the change up of exercises, but the EMOM thrusters, though doable, did not pair well with the effort to max out burpees. YHC thought maybe shrinking the expectations of how many burpees were actually doable in the time given would bring some relief, but it only meant more thrusters. It was a cruel trap with only one long, agonizing way out.
Eventually, as with most things in life, the few burpees every minute did actually add up to 100, and it was time to rejoin the land of the living , where people generally have hope and a sense of humor.
After a needed recovery mosey (once YHC could rise from the ground) it was time for the PAX to take the load off Annie/YJ, so we all took the necessary amount of burpees to get him to 100, and then turned our attention to Smooth. He peacefully let us know that he’d been in a thruster loop for quite a while and felt no pressure to get out of it. It was like watching your friend get slowly eaten by a monster, but he’s like, “It’s ok, brother. These things happen. This isn’t my first, and it won’t be my last.”
With two minutes left, we did some Hello Dollies and LBC’s in puddles to get us to 7:30, and then it was back to the flag for shirt swapping and COT.
The Fire Within went to Valve for some cool reason (does anyone even listen to those anymore? Or have the reasons become too arbitrary? Valve noticed this, and brought it to YHC’s attention. It could be anything from a manly performance to a well placed fart. Each named shirt may need some clearly assigned criteria for what earns it. That could get fun.) Smooth earned the new Phil the Hurt by willingly doing IPC twice. Not sure how it’s gonna fit, though.
YJ prayed us out, and we’re grateful for the 24 hours of not having to think about/
dread the next one. Yet, somehow, there’s nothing quite like September. Grateful to suffer with you fellas.SYITG,
Goose -
Keep Thibodaux Weird – from Paradox
YHC has been privileged to play a role in many of the storied F3 Thibodaux Schisms through the years. Sometimes as an ardent supporter, other times, ashamedly, as a lead instigator. As the great Creed Bratton once remarked “…more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader”. While his comment may have been referring to cultish behavior, I think the general principle applies here and I’ve now met my weekly quota of Creed quotes. And so, it’s with this schism experience that YHC feels qualified to observe the subtleties present in schism infancy. It starts at an almost undetectable level. Just a slight twitch of the eyelid during Smashmouth Allstars. Then it builds. A facial wince when you hear mainstream 90s classics and you start to avoid people that use the term “Champagne Supernova” for all the things that are great in their life. Followed by audible disdain to your cohorts about one genre/decade being more elite than another. Then, like clockwork there is a “boiling over” event. For example, no one recognizing “Lucas with the Lid Off” followed by GroupMe affirmations for the more recognizable 3rd Bass “Pop goes the Weasel” (complete random example). And just like that we are off to the races. A few laugh emojis don’t go your way and your supper doesn’t taste as sweet. You get backed into a corner and know the only way out is weapons of eardrum destruction you’ve been hiding in the dark for years, ready to lash out at moment’s notice. You dig in, readying your Spotify missiles for a lengthy war and you begin searching through old LimeWire and Napster accounts…
But not today my brothers.
Today, just like your optometrically prescribed headband, we will promote healing!
But how?
How could we thaw the frozen hearts of 90s genre elitism?
YHC saw only one way out.
A single artist.
His work spanning 4 decades.
No genre left standing in his wake.
Today we would utilize him as an instrument of peace.
Today..we would get WEIRD.
Duke get your accordion and play that funky bean footage!!
9 pax warmup of the usuals, highlighted by two late arriving ecofriendly PAX vehicles. Tanas fueled by the hard labor of rural PCPs and ABs running off his own supply of colon-to-tank methane.
THE CONCERT THANG
Simple and direct today.
We would take the top 5 Weird Al hits, modify them a touch and enjoy some of the finest lyrics created in the last 40 years. YHC would sprinkle in trivia between songs.Correct 10 curls
Incorrect 25 Monkey Humpers because with the trivia masterminds present you have to up the ante. These llamas play for keeps plus Pope is now 20/20 on beatdown Star Wars trivia.
# 1 White and Nerdy
Holding coupon Scissor Kicks , Swap on White and Nerdy , Coupon presses while holding 6 inches on songWhat famed physicist is in his library? (Hawking)
In the song He denotes a numeral value referencing a polygon associated with this famed mathematician? (Pascal)10 Curls for Correct Hawking, 25 MH’s for lack of Pascal knowledge.
#2 The Saga Begins
Trigger on Star Wars characters and planets , and Jedi
Around the galaxy lunges during song, Jungle Boi squat on triggersWhich Star Wars movie specifically was Bring parodied in this song? (Phantom Menace)
Jar Jar Binks species and home planet ? (Gungan, Naboo)
Meaning youthful and untrained , anakin is referred by this term during his early Jedi training? (Padawan)# 3 Eat It
Big Boys with Coupon , Sitting OHP on Eat It’sBeat it 2008 was a poorly received tribute done by this pop group ?
Black eyed peas- Again, YHC’s error at mis labeling legumes and black eyes but the pax really needed dat lactic acid boost so we did 25 MHs.# 4 Amish Paradise —YHC’s personal favorite of the collection.
Inchworm crawl out to HR Merkin during song
Thrusters on ParadiseThe song parodied here was the #1 teach featured on the soundtrack of this 1995 movie ? (Dangerous Minds)
Can’t you just imagine AB in his freshman dorm watching Dangerous Minds in his Jncos and chain wallet, a couple Oasis poster on wall. Life is Good!
The teacher in this film played by whom and is nicknamed what? WHITEBREAD
Goose was awarded partial credit for attempts at White Witch and 10 MHs were deducted.#5 FAT
Squat side Kicks , Bonnie Blair’s on fat
This parodied song was originally planned as a duet with what other royalty of 80s rock ? (Prince)
**As the day unfolded our local investigative journo Mr. Wilford Montana unearthed an entire Prince vs MJ beef that is quite a rollercoaster including Prince trying to run over MJ in a parking lot followed by MJ calling Prince a “meanie” for the attempted vehicular manslaughter.We needed a recovery mosey to really smell the Nirvana and Goose needed to show King Pickleball he still has enough Sprint coverage for all the dead zones.
Captain D’s bestowed the Animal to Valveline, noted that he rubbed some dirt on a fractured foot and posted all week.
Valve awarded Jedediah Dawson aka Pope yet another well-deserved Fire Within for pumping out sitting OHPs while telling YHC Weird Al was too weird for his taste..hmmm…must be a Pete Gabriel guy.
COT and Goose prayed us out
Thanks for getting Weird with me today fellas
POSTingSCRIPTs
You know those safety signs in plants that denote “X number of days since the last safety incident”?
Well, at F3 Thibodaux the peace of Weird Al led to a combined schism healing of 32 minutes before a recurrent 90s Pax villain threatened to reveal his Offspring and an Ace up his sleeve in the near future. This, in turn, stirred up at least two other delinquents who promptly started calling each other Aswads… and we were back at square one with 45 minutes of hard earned therapy down the toilet. The only course left was an apology…
To Mr. Weird Alfred Matthew Yankovic:
I tried your methods and found them useful but we may need a longer treatment plan to Smash these Pumpkins. Its like I’m trying to Reel in a Big Blowfish, not just a Hootie, but I’m keeping a Third Eye Blind to the mid 40’s Dinosaur Jr’s with no respect for the Pax still in the Green River of their youth.
I’m just trying to save some Collective Souls in this Asylum but the more I fight for the Right to Party the more I realize that some of these Ricks just like to Roll and the rest of these goo goo dolls prefer to troll. Some are happy to see Dave Mathews churn, but some, well some just want strike a Matchbox 20 and watch it Burn.
Thank you for keeping it Weird Mr. Al
See you in the Grunge
Dox
-
A Stroll Down Lack-of-Memory Lane (Minus the Stroll) – from Goose
The presence of good ol’ Safety Valve has become synonymous with the F3 Thibodaux beatdown experience for months now since he decided to show up for just about everything. And, when that kind of thing happens, long-term absence of said individual has major affects not only on the the morale of the one absent but on that of the whole PAX (i.e., Y.J.). So, after hearing that Valve’s broken foot hadn’t improved much over the two-week rest period, YHC knew it was time to take matters into his own hands.
It was time to build a beatdown that would kill four birds with one coupon:
1. Allow Valve to fully participate without having to worry about the foot (hard to modify a mosey).
2. Allow YJ to participate a little more fully knowing we wouldn’t be doing any major leg stuff.
3. Come through on my vow to bring more 90’s hits that those who were in their prime during that awful decade may have erased (or claim to have erased) from their memory.
4. Still bring the kind of challenge that these PAX show up for.Warmup: started with arm circles, which bent a few brains, and focused heavily on upper body and lower back (not one, but TWO Lafayette exercises).
Thang 1: “I bet you don’t remember this one…or wish you didn’t.”
1. “Scat Man” by Scatman John: Flutters for duration, but LBC’s during any scatting (the musical variety).
A few remembered this one, and YHC remembered in the moment that this one may have been used at a beatdown before. Lots more LBC’s than flutters, and we were all a little dumber afterward, but nowhere near the low point of dumbness that would be achieved.2. “Pop Goes the Weasel” by 3rd Bass: Plank for duration, Kneel Diamonds on every “pop goes the weasel”.
It seemed only Popeye remembered this one, and that it was an entire rap song about (bashing) one individual, Vanilla Ice, and that it also sampled a song by none other than Peter Gabriel. And, Dox wasn’t there to guess it.3. “Ninja Rap” by (none other than) Vanilla Ice: Bird dogs for duration, kneeling curls on “ninja”.
Vanilla’s only other (vaguely) known hit featured in the old Ninja Turtles movie sequal, wherein rubber suited turtle dancers lit up the club with a choreographed dance to this jam. The bird dogs were similar, but different.4. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers: Penguins for duration, heels to heaven for the refrain.
These guys signaled the start of the ska movement in the 90’s, which was an important movement that had lasting cultural significance. And, that many penguins is rough.5. “Gypsy Woman” by Crystal Waters and The Basement Boys: alternating side planks for the duration, toe-tap merkins during the droning refrain.
This one is a remarkable 7.5 minutes of brain-numbing repetitivity. Don’t pull it up–you’ll remember it and regret it. You did it, didn’t you.Thang 2: Flora 1, 2, 3
100 WW3 situps, 10 at a time, while partner does 6-in hold
200 skull crushers (modified to 100 for time) 20 at a time while partner does X-factors
300 shoulder shrugs (mostly didn’t get to it) 30 at a time while partner holds Al Gore
PAX requested more ska, so Reel Big Fish was called upon followed by the man of the hour, Vanilla Ice.YHC wishes he’d have made more time for this one–lots of variety, and a solid muscle burner. Gypsy Woman should have probably been skipped, and been lost to the ANNALS of time (I’m sure there’s some connection to the anals of time, but I’ll let Maneater work that out along with his comfy pillow and Fire Within jammies).
COT and Smooth prayed us out.
It was great to have Valve back in the mix, and it’s been inspiring to see YJ work through what’s clearly a lot of pain to stay in it. Much respect to you both! And, thanks to the rest of the PAX for muscling through the playlist.
SYITG,
Goose
