F3 New Orleans

Tag: Yankee Joe

  • Concrete Schoolyard – from Paradox

    What are the greatest rivalries of all time?
    Some come to mind.

    Yankees vs Bo Sox?
    Rocky vs Apollo Creed?
    JBL vs Anker (RIP!)?
    Gandalf vs Saruman?
    Lil Cuz’s Neck vs Gravity?
    Yankee Joe vs Father Time?

    All great.

    But Regardless of the pairing, one thing is always present in a great rivalry.
    High level Competition creates high level performance.

    I could explain …but …really …
    Well, I’d rather just show you.

    10 PAX arrived in a flurry to the concrete schoolyard to test our limits in the spirit of competition. Gorgeous beatdown weather. high 50s. Light breeze.

    WarmUp

    Usuals plus Bumper\Stop mosey.
    Touch the sign or it don’t count.

    Wilfred “place at the table” Montana “ coming in hot to break up mid mosey SLT meeting with YHC and Goose. Ya hate to see that kinda attention seeking behavior early in a Q. but you must persevere.

    Thang 1 – Anker tribute

    Not a day goes by that I don’t think about our Anker being in Bluetooth heaven. Sitting there amongst the clouds listening to sea shanties with no more pain.
    One small portion of his greatness was bringing the best from JBL and teaching him the way of audio torture for the PAX.
    Today we honor him with one of the greatest lyrical battles of the modern age.

    *NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys

    Backstreet Boys “Everybody”

    So we start with 10 burpees to work off with 1 deleted per sic dance move

    Apolo Onos to start during the dance window , flow into IWs

    Burpees on every “Body”

    Like any 8th grade dance the pax were hesitant to start but Goose broke the ice with his patented …Irish jig , it’s something
    Baggins felt the spirit and went for groceries.
    YJ came in hot after provocations with some funk fresh and Goats rounded out with the classic preparation H. Im missing one but im sure it was memorable.
    These brave men bought us 5 burpees.

    Track mosey and oh boy you know what’s next …

    Bye bye bye by Nsync
    Plank on song
    MC on Bye

    Lots of long plank holds so Goose could tell us Justin Timberlakes Dating history.

    The Thang

    Concrete Schoolyard

    Rules

    -Split PAX into 1s and 2s
    -Everyone gets one piece of chalk
    -the object of the game is to put points in the opposing teams “goal “ which is a chalk circle on the concrete
    ⁃ you can only do this by completing the base exercise then sprinting to the goal. This results in 1 point.
    ⁃ Scattered in the field of battle are “extra points “ you could add to your base score (see below)
    ⁃ A round will be timed, when time is called we tally points

    Coupons 10 OHP- 2 points
    10 Med Ball Slam- 2 points
    60 jump rope – 2 points
    Kettle Bell swing -2 points
    Ole Hickory – 5 points

    Winner savors 5 SSH
    Loser eats 5 burpees

    Round 1
    5 minutes on the clock
    10 merkins at base

    Round 2
    5 minutes
    10 Bonnie Blair’s at base

    Lightning Round 3
    2 minutes on clock
    5 Burpees at base

    Team 1
    Tana, Cardinal , YJ , lil cuz , Smooth operator

    Team 2
    Baggins, Superfund, Goose, goats , YHC

    Alot to unpack here and I’m sure validity of points and timing will be debated for decades to come but at one point in the middle of the beautiful madness YHC stopped mid Merkin to soak it all in …

    I saw a Goose sliding to secure ole hickory, shouldering his burden as our most fit pax by selflessly accepting thrusters….I saw Tana looking for every workable angle to gather intel for his crew. I saw smooth operator grab a cinder and wonder what the hell he got himself into….I saw a priest use his body as a shield against an enemy …I saw a master hobbit dashing there and back again from Bonnie Blair’s to ole hickory like he was back in the Shire….I saw Cuz and SuperFund lead with quiet strength. I saw men who forgot they came to exercise and elevated their limits for others.

    Every pax alive in the haze of battle
    Ignited with the fuel of competition.

    I saw a beautiful thing and I for one am grateful to be a part of it.

    Already working on Volume 2.

    COT and Superfund prayed us out
    Praying for Enrons family and
    Baby Little Itch

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Hangin’ with Billy Madison – from Goats in the Machine

    I arrived at the stage at 5:25 with the majority of the PAX plus and FNG waiting for the beatdown to start. It was 66 Degrees Partly cloudy and so humid that it felt hotter than a Billy-Goat’s six in a pepper patch.

    There was 5 minutes of per-chatter mostly about cold showers (IYKYK) and Yankee Joe’s hemorrhoids. At 5:30 the beat down began.

    Warm-O-Rama
    Usual suspects minus the bumper run. Admittedly YHC needs to improve the consistency of my cadence.

    Thang 1: Billy Madisons
    • Perform 12 reps of and exercise and the run the walking path loop
    • Add 12 reps of and additional exercise to each round
    • Each round represents a grade level (you know like in the movie)
    • Preform as follows”
    o Kindergarten = Penguins (because they belon in the zoo)
    o 1st grade = BBSU
    o 2nd grade = Merkins
    o 3rd grade = squats
    o 4th grade = burpees
    o Home School = Monkey Humpers

    Kindergarten through 1st grade was done incidence. This was designed to be deceivingly “cute” before the 2nd grade started. 2nd grade to 5th grade were OYO with Pax planking between rounds. The mumble Chatter quickly ended.

    At one point Paradox Disappeared. I guess he didn’t realize that “you ain’t cool unless you pee your pants”

    Thang 2: F3 Hang man
    • Each pax guesses a letter, if not on board, then 10 merkens while PAX SSH.
    • Whoever solves the puzzle planks, while the rest of the pax do 10 burpees
    • Incorrect Puzzle Solution = penalty of 15 burpees for individual guesser while the rest of the PAX plank
    • Suggested Rounds:
    o Round 1 “Back to School”
    o Round 2 “Burpees”
    o Round 3 “Joshua” *Exodus reference*

    The Pax solved most puzzles on the 2nd letter. This gave us plenty of opportunity for Burpees.

    Thang 3: 11s
    • Freak Nasty & Arm Raises / Travel Bear Crawl

    YHC thought that this would give the PAX some rest after the burpee fest, but this proved to raise the bar of intensity… It was beautiful.

    Mary:
    • Pot Luck Marry from the Pax
    o Wife Pleasures, LBCs, SSH, BBSU, Dolphin Hops, and what ever YJ picked.

    COT
    • Count off
    • Name-o-ramma
    • FNG was given the name “smooth operator”. Welcome!
    • Announcements
    o Reminder to PARADOX to call in a script for Yankee Joes Hemorrhoid
    suppositories
    o Short discussion about the nest St. Vincent 500.
    o Other Chatter that was some of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard.
    At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything t
    hat could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for
    having listened to it.
    • Intentions
    o Enron Family and baby #5!
    • Baggins Prayed us out.

    YHC enjoyed the First F, nut the second F was the best part. O’Doyle Rules!

  • Climb the Ladder – from Enron

    YHC arrived in the gloom to no awaiting vehicles around 5:20, noticing that it was a little cooler than yesterday. About 5:22 a familiar minivan driven by an older gentleman we call Yankee Joe pulled into the Stage. As 5:30 quickly approached it seem that it would be just the two of us for what was prepared to be a TuesdayTuff™©® day. This seemed to be no problem for Yankee Joe as he excitedly waited for what was to come.
    Warmup:
    To be honest, YHC did a few extra warmups this morning to delay the difficulty that was quickly approaching.
    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, Mountain Climbers
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile (25 Merkins every .25 miles)
    Upon beginning the Merkin mile, Yankee Joe acknowledged that this was his first Merkin mile. Glad to have been alongside for the first one, YJ.
    Thang 2: The Ladder
    Each exercise to be completed back-to-back OYO in climbing the ladder. Took a 10 count (or 2) at the top and then worked our way back down as follows:
    5 – 8 Count Body Builders
    10 – Burpees
    25 – Merkins
    50 – Squats
    75 – Mountain Climbers (1 is 1)
    100 – SSH
    75 – LBCs
    50 – Calf Raises
    25 – Freak Nasty’s
    10 – Irkins
    5 – Donkey Kicks

    Thang 3: Dice of death
    Had Siri pick a number between 1-20 then rolled the 3 dice; performed the exercises on all three to the number from Siri. Then Siri chose 1-15 followed by a dice roll, then 1-10, and finally 1-5.

    This proved to be more difficult than it sounds as Siri chose higher numbers than hoped as well as the dice seemed to know we needed more by providing many burpees and many more merkins.

    Finished with a minute and a half of Freddie Mercuries

    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out. Great one on one time forcing us to push each other without the ability to hide in the crowd.
    SYITG,
    Enron

  • What can Brown do for you? – from Wet Tap

    What can Brown do for you?

    After thorough deliberation and meditation on a reborn VQ, YHC listened to those muscles that were left out from previous beatdowns. These muscles craved lactic acid the way a man craves the last minute delivery of a forgotten present for Christmas. The one your wife hinted at for months and your brain reminds you on December 20th. As you track the package day by day wondering why it stays in Memphis for like 30 hours, despite a record snowstorm. YHC turned his reflection on those workers who like the PAX show up despite the rain, snow, heat and misery; in their own gloom. What better way to honor those real American heros than a UPS/Fedex/UPS inspired beatdown.
    16 strong PAX trickled in to the Pelch on a glorious morning. A pre-thang sprint to the local track by Redfish checking for locked gates set the tone for the intensity that will soon follow. Speck and YHC moseyed over to the field to set the cones for the deliveries to soon arrive.
    Warmarama:
    Typical warmups with side staddle hops, Abe Vigodas ( fastest slow windmills ever), Arm Circles F/R, cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks.

    Pre-thang:
    A nice leisure Indian run with coupon carry of course. This lead to a silent mumble from the PAX. I say silent because the words didn’t come out just facial expressions had the look of confusion and dismay. I desperately tried to include the IHURT Bluetooth speaker, a collection of uplifting songs specially picked out by the 2.0’s. Unfortunately it was the only fartsack for the morning. In disapproval I chunked it much the way your USPS man rings your door and shotputs the package from 10 yards out. Never the less, the mosey began.
    The mosey took up a quarter mile up and down the road alternating between shoulder and farm carry. Redfish took the final lead and brought us into the track. We all graciously dropped our coupon at the entrance of the track, except for Piccadilly.
    Thang 1:
    With the PAX toes on the football field goal line a division was formed. UPS on side one and FEDEX on the other hash.
    Sprint to 5 yd line, NUR back. Sprint to 10 yd line, 1 Burpee, NUR back. Etc…. Burpees correlated with each 10 yrds ( 10yd=1, 20yd=2, 30yd=3, etc…) Thang 1 finishes when each pax NURS back from the 50. A clear win for team FEDEX. The overloaded 2.0 lead to a swift bunch of child labor clearing up all questions of why third world countries utilize this work force.
    The next exercise idea was a combination of Jucifer IPA and an overwhelming need to pull things. Regardless of the PAX’s CO2 narcosis the understanding of how exactly this plays, a decent level of strain was achieved. Each man lined up 5 yds apart with a specific exercise. The other man sprints from the rear, dead man pulls him to the next man in line. Takes his exercise and the next man gets pulled. This would have lead to us inching across the field 5 yrds at a time. After enough time, YHC called it. It was time to mosey.

    Thang 2:
    A short coupon carry back to the field where the cones awaited. Still in division, half the PAX on team UPS, other half FEDEX. Each cone 15 yds apart with a specific exercise listed. PAX were to complete the listed exercise from one cone to the next, coupons included. Each cone had “packages “ to be delivered to midfield. Obstacles always exist in each field of work. Today this obstacle were the 2.0’s Hungry and salivating sat the 2.0’s ready to defend their homes. The dogs! The PAX had to avoid the bite of these ferocious beasts, for a bite from one of those hounds resulted in 3 burpees.
    1. Rifle carry lunges
    2. GRR right
    3. GRR left
    4. Murder bunny
    5. Bear crawl
    Repeat back home.
    The dogs showed no reserve and they seemed to multiply into a swarm of impenetrable defensive. Some PAX adapted to kamikazes, God bless these men.
    Music:
    Harry Nilsson releases a cult classic hit in 1971. “coconut”
    None of the PAX knew this song, or at least claimed to know it. This further confirmed the YHC age.
    Plank hold for duration of song, Merkin on coconut, mountain climber on doctor. Song lasted 3:50 resulting in 41 merkins.
    Welcome vador and Boom, Major Bratt’s 2.0
    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out.
    Wet tap

    #paradox #enron #fencepost #lilcuz #piccadilly #wilford montana #toeloop #major bratt #fire in the hole #yankee joe #redfish #speck

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • 12 Days of Christmas: Vintage Steve – from Goose

    YHC was looking forward to some quality time with Yankee Joe and Enron this morning, but not to the beatdown itself. It was decided late last night that we’d be reaching back a couple of years to YHC’s most memorable experience of a 12 Days of Christmas beatdown. It was 2020, and YHC was still getting worked over solo in my driveway by the likes of Steve, Hawg, Catfish, etc. via backblasts from stuff they had done the day before. This one particular beatdown stuck in my memory because it was so brutal (per usual), so anytime the opportunity for a 12 Days of Christmas/Fitmas comes up, this one’s unfortunately on the forefront so I had to get it out. I figured these two HIMs would be up for it.

    After a warmup of the usuals with some mountain climbers (pre-burpees) and some intense self-loves (pre-merkin overload), YHC explained the particular character of Steve (Northshore PAX) and his beatdowns. Steve is extremely humble and cheerful, and he genuinely cares about the men he’s leading, but his beatdowns are notorious for how sneakily they completely destroy you. Every time. This morning would be no different.

    Per the usual 12 Days of Christmas style, we started with Day 1’s exercise and then added each additional day in cumulative fashion. Here’s the list:
    * Day 1: 1x Burpee
    * Day 2: 2x Merkins
    * Day 3: 3x Triple Jump Squat Burpees
    * Day 4: 4x Monkey Humpers (4-count, IC)
    * Day 5: 5x Sister Mary Katherine’s (2 is 1)
    * Day 6: 6x Triple Merkin Burpees
    * Day 7: 7x Sit-Ups
    * Day 8: 8x T-Merkins
    * Day 9: 9x Groiners
    * Day 10: 10x Crunchy Frogs (4-count, IC)
    * Day 11: 11x Freak Nasties (4-count, IC)
    * Day 12: 12x Derkins

    The sneakiness comes in the fact that the first four or five seem somewhat doable and fun, but after the sixth is added and each PAX begins to realize how many times we actually have to go through this list, panic begins to set in: Are we really going to make it to 12 days? How many times can I actually do 6 triple-merkin burpees without completely giving out? Is the Q going to give more than one 10-count between days? How can I hide if there are only three PAX here? Is this punishment for patting myself on the back this past week for being “really in shape”? Is Steve a real person? Is Goose a real person? Am I a real person? Does pain ever really end? Have I ever really been happy? Do my family and friends know that I’m just a little boy inside trying to survive? Which would win in a fight, a polar bear or a grizzly bear? Why are there so many baking competition shows? Why do I have nipples?

    After pushing through what felt like an impossible twelfth day, we took a couple of ten counts before moseying to the Stop sign and back and completing seven minutes of Mary. This included flutter kicks, wife pleasers, hello dollies, Freddy Mercuries, dying cockroaches, The Alphabet, and LBC’s (oscillated between upper abs and lower abs).

    COT and Enron prayed us out. It was a gift to be pushed so hard with these men. Thanks for seeing the value in it, fellas!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Fireworks and Infections – from Goats in the Machine

    As I arrived to The Stage YHC was not sure what exact pain and hilarity would ensue. I armed myself with a deck of death and the knowledge of coupons in route. Regardless of what was to come, I was determined to serve anguish with a side of joy.

    I am not sure if it was the wet shoes, soggy, gloves, or the mental prep for Exodus 90; but YHC was in an extremely choleric mood. Unfortunately, the lack of post Beatdown mumble chatter about “strain” from the whoop-gang has made me more vindictive and deceitful. Additionally, I’m starting become convinced that “strain” is what happens after your first cup of coffee is consumed in the morning.

    Warm-o-Rama
    The usually suspects w/ 11 reps for each as to warn the pax of their fate. YHC, had one miscount. All pax are welcome to do 3 backwards arm circles at home.

    Thang 1.1
    11’s coupon curls and tricep extensions. YHC felt it was important to show solidarity with all of the sad clowns and their New Year’s resolutions by working glamor muscles. YJ questioned the sex appeal of triceps. YHC explains the importance of looking swole to the sad clown in the pew behind him when he puts his arm around his M in mass.

    Thang1.2
    3 rounds of Infection. Cardinal showed his crab walk skills once again. Superfund was a shoring sleeper victor.

    Thang 1.3
    Big Bang. Exercises were dictated by deck of death. Paces from the center matches the value of the card pulled.

    Thang 2.1
    11’s coupon overhead press and BBSUs. Mumble chatter was muffled by the 3rd round.

    Thang 2.2
    Big band deck of death again

    Mary with Iron wheel to the finish. Pax stalled with SSH, plank, high knee, back plank, and butt kicks while PAX chose their favorite Marys. YHC noticed a lot of monkey Humper, J-Lo, pickle pounders, and wife pleasers as the wheel turned.

    COT and goose prayed us out.

    Happy Nee year to all. I had a great time with the group of men who showed up in the gloom this morning.

  • After this 1st &10 YHC gives you the rest of the year off! – from Wiford Montana

    YHC was ready to make a splash to close out the year thankful to be a part of F3 Thibodaux. This was my first Peltch que and after a quick consult with my Dr. (POOx) I was ready to launch into the workout. 11 guys showed up, 1 new guy in the mix but new no longer, Welcome Splinter to the PAX!

    Warm up: all the usuals from a Tana warm up which means a total failure to launch and awkward silence and I ask myself why is no one counting… o wait that is suppose to be me. We were loose and ready now.

    Indian Run: all the way around the peltch last man hits 5 meekins as JBL brought the straight smoke with hits from the 70’s

    Ode to Anker: Lil Ed blues song
    2 monkey humper on monkey
    2 bunny hops on rabbit
    1 good morning on lion.
    *Spoiler alert: the monkey ends up eating the rabbit

    1st and a looong 10
    Run to goal and then ladder to every yardage
    10: man makers
    20: burpees
    30: merkins
    40: Thrusters
    50: Big boys
    60: squats
    70: plank jacks
    80: seal jacks
    90: ssh
    100: flutters

    We met back at the 50 to do 50 press ups and curls till I called it. Special t claps to all who got covered in a fair bit of mud and I felt the power from doing this together at each 10. Great job PAX this one in conjunction with the mud was something I have not yet done, only due to the extreme bass and tones of JBL hitting the journey songs pushed us through. Dox and JBL had the prescription we all needed.
    My last act in 2022 as YHC is to give the rest of the year off from F3 beatdowns!
    COT and Enron prayed us out!
    It’s been a year fellas glad to be here with each of you.
    Tana

  • St. Stephen’s Day Murders – from Goose

    It was another frigid morning, this time at The Stage, so Enron wore socks and only Paradox’s eyes were showing through a jungle of F3 logos. YHC was also donning new, post-Christmas Mudgear gear as five total PAX gathered in the icy gloom. YHC arrived two minutes late due to the consequences of poor eating choices the day before combined with ice on the windshield, but the PAX were gracious and coupons were unloaded.

    Warmup–the usuals with some added Peter Parkers to get the outer knees firing and some requested grass grabbers, clap included. There were some typical efforts at insurrection, some Q-testing, but threats of penalty burpees seemed to calm the kiddos down well enough. Bumper mosey rounded us out and we gathered to meet the new kid on the block:

    Oontz is YHC’s new bluetooth speaker, and his efforts at filling the rectangular hole with a triangular prism were tested with an obscure Irish song, a deep cut from the Chieftains Christmas album, The Bells of Dublin. The song, “St. Stephen’s Day Murders”, sung by Elvis Costello, is about the tradition in Ireland of celebrating Christmas with family through the day after Christmas, St. Stephen’s Day, which has its own family rituals, songs, etc. It’s a comedic (hopefully) song about getting tired of having family over, eating and drinking constantly for days, and then deciding to poison them all (in typical dark, Irish fashion). The refrain ends “And it’s nice for the kids, cuz you finally get rid of them, in the St. Stephen’s Day murders.”
    Oontz performed well enough for his size, so YHC will keep him around until the kids inevitably destroy him. For this song the PAX started with side straddle hops and slowly got lower as the song went on–for every “St. Stephen”, we dropped a stage due to poisoning or drunkenness or whatever. After the first–Smurf jacks, the second–plank jacks, the third–chilly jacks (elbow plank jacks). The exercises certainly delivered, and the rest that followed during the explanation of St. Stephen’s martyrdom was welcomed.

    Thang 2:
    A reenactment (of sorts) of St. Stephen’s martyrdom. PAX partnered up for the following:

    1. Partner 1: throwing stones = squat and throw the block down field repeatedly to the sidewalk and rifle cary back. Partner 2: stones to the head = split duty on 100 skull crushers.
    2. Partner 1: lay down cloaks at the feet of Saul (future Paul) = block and bear through the icy grass to the sidewalk and rifle carry back. Partner 2: stones to the body = split duty on 200 chest presses
    3. Partner 1: carry body for funeral, pall bearer style = farmer carry both blocks there and back. Partner 2: praise the Lord and ask for forgiveness for your murderers = split duty on 300 air presses.

    The block and bears were helped by the icy grass with the block sliding easily, but the blocks and the grass were extremely cold, so the hands were struggling. Lil Cuz shoved his hands up Yankee Joe’s rising shirt mid bear crawl to warm them up, so YJ requested penalty burpees, but YHC refused, telling him they needed to work it out between themselves. Typical sibling conflict.

    Thang 3:
    St. Stephen is the ultimate example of the fulfillment of Jesus’ teaching about not preparing your defense ahead of time since the Holy Spirit will give you the words to say. So, instead of preparing exercises for the last 10-15 minutes, we let the Holy Spirit lead us through Enron’s newly minted Dice of Doom. His M, Brooke, knowing his appreciation for F3 and for randomly generated beatdowns, had them custom made! She researched and picked out the exercises and everything. (I think that definitely deserves Thibby consideration.) Although both die have exercises on them, YHC could think of a few different ways to randomly generate rep numbers (one of which could just be to add a regular die to the group and multiply the number x5 or 10), but for this morning, we took the fourth letter of the second exercise and used the alphabetic order number of that letter (A is 1, B is 2, etc.). This led to more than enough burpees and enough monkey humpers to make YHC sore till probably Thursday.

    COT and YJ prayed us out. It was an awesome gift to be out there sweating in the cold with you fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!