F3 New Orleans

Tag: Yankee Joe

  • Tennis Balls, Basketballs, and Duck Poop – from Goose

    YHC rolled in two minutes late to a patiently waiting threesome of Enron, Yankee Joe, and a Picadilly surprise (good to have you back in it, bro!). YJ had brought the requested basketball, and YHC had fished a few raggedy tennis balls from out of the ball bin in the garage for a TurboTax inspired thang at the Den.

    After warmups of the usuals, minus cherry-pickers cuz we weren’t gonna be using the shoulders (big surprise), YHC explained who TurboTax is (the previous leader of the Northshore PAX and crusher of cardio and legs) and shared that as an F3 noob a few years back, the team tennis ball relay was in just about 100% of all Turbo beatdowns. It stuck in the memory because it never failed to both stoke the competitive fire in a special way and suck the wind out YHC’s lungs in a special way. Basically, teams traverse a distance by throwing a tennis ball to one another ultimate frisbee style: the one with the ball can’t move but must throw it to a teammate further up the trail. Today, we partnered up, YHC with Dilly and Enron with YJ–the starting line was the lion, and the finish line was the lion after traversing up to the lake, around the whole track, and back.
    It didn’t take long for our hands to get used to catching the ball, and though there weren’t many drops, the ones that happened were the key to failure/success. When a ball was dropped, both partners had to complete 5 stationary lunges (2:1, knee all the way to the ground, in the duck poop) before continuing. YHC and Dilly employed the many short throws strategy, while Enron and YJ opted for the fewer long throws strategy. Though YHC and Dilly seemed to drop one or two more times, it was the last drop that mattered most. Enron and YJ stayed just ahead through the whole race, and YHC expected to have to utilize a long Hail Mary pass at the very end to squeak out a victory, but at the very end, Enron and YJ choked on the the emotional excitement of their impending win and dropped the ball allowing YHC and Dilly to pass them like a Ricky Bobby slingshot and grasp victory by the…tail. (You know, like a lion’s tail.) The losers’ penalty was 15 celebratory star jumps congratulating the tenacity and steadfastness of the winning team.

    Thang 2 was a partner Dora of 100 Big Boys, 200 Flutters (2:1), and 300 LBC’s. Partner 2 ran to the lake, nurred up the levee, and ran back to flapjack. Gotta keep bustin’ dem abs for when we rip off our shirts at the Firemen’s 5K for the finish line photo!

    Ended a little early so we could have plenty of time for the last thang: 2-on-1 fast break drill on the basketball court. With four PAX we had enough for two men on offense to try to head down the court and score against one man on defense while the remaining man stood under the opposite goal counting down from 10. If the two-man team either turned the ball over or couldn’t score within ten seconds, they incurred a 10 squat-jump penalty. Then, one of the men on offense stayed back while the defender joined the other, and it was 2-on-one going toward the other side. We continued rotating with one man left behind to count down from 10 and (most of the time) complete his quickly cumulating jump-squats.
    YHC expected the puddles to be a factor, but they weren’t. The fact that we all suck at basketball, however, was a major factor. (We could probably also blame about 5% of it on the dark, too.). Either way, it was a fun, challenging way to keep the heart rate high and the reflexes working for about 15 minutes before heading back to the flag.

    Announcements with some gratitude for answered prayers, and the Animal shirt was finally bequeathed to Yankee Joe out of a combination of pity and partner bias (just kidding–it’s always great to watch–and hear–YJ put his all into a routine, especially for a partner). Dilly prayed us out well, and we’re both looking forward to and dreading Saturday with Cuz.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Partner up for a wild ride – from Wet Tap

    Partner up for a wild ride.
    5 PAX showed up to the stage for a close encounters beatdown.
    After a normal warmup and a loss of concentration (YJ looking from across the gloom in a
    stunning turquoise tank top), the PAX answered in unison what happens if you step on a crack!
    A 1600 meter run around the loop. Can’t step on a crack or a 1burpee penalty. The PAX took
    this is stride and not one penalty occurred! Decent warmup.
    Thang 1
    Partner laid on his 6 15 yards out, the other sprinted out the blocks trying to overtake him. 50
    yds in total. Rinse and repeat from 10 yards with a partner flip. Looser gets a 20 lunge penalty
    2:1 Simple yet satisfying. Although is it… 3,2,1 or 3,2,1,go! It’s up for debate of course.
    Thang 2
    Close and personal! Mixing things up a little and making sure you know your partner, YHC
    thought an inverted row being held by your partner in Al Gore 10 count. Flip this after by the Al
    Gore turning into a partner deadlift 10count.
    This was a one and done. Eye contact was at an all time minimal, and it made monkey humper
    and wife pleasers a G rated kindergarten exercise. Next…
    Bear crawl carry your partner 25yd switch and a wedding carry return. The bear crawl was
    fun. The urge to put one hand in the air and slap YJ was heavy. I hope he doesn’t feel the
    same.
    Thang3
    Another partner move.
    Back to back drive. One partner locked arms with the other and drove a backpedal NUR with
    partner giving resistance.
    Shoulder to shoulder drive- same but with a lateral shuffle.
    Legs are burning and it still not time!
    Ring of fire.. everyone on their knees!
    Count off with a knees to feet jump. No hands buddy! A 50 count
    A little mary time.
    Partner is the name of the game.
    I had to join Goose and Dox on this one for a thripple. Everyone on their 6. Arms locked- a 30
    count of heels to heaven. Gently tapping toes with leg lifts. This is when all hell broke loose.
    What started as a gentle hum of a fainting song quickly lead to an all out 150 decimal Ballard of
    power rangers. Why? Why not?
    Finishing up with dead bugs and bird dogs the core was nice and warm. A few laps around
    the track and it was time!
    COT and prayers
    Another great workout with a PAX who pushes you to be better. Thanks to all!
    #Goose # paradox # Enron # Yankee Joe
    # wet tap

  • There Goes My Hero – from Paradox

    On a gloomy spring morning on April, 20 2023 7 pax loaded into the back of big brother Yankees Time wagon (it’s kinda like the DeLorean but it runs on veggie juice and compliments) and headed to the Lions Den cinemaPlex circa 1985. YJ successfully posed as our dad to get our R rated tickets at the counter then Tana grabbed us some 64 ounce colas and we headed in after removing Enron from the stuffed animal claw game …”I was on a heater!”
    The cheap orange lights began to dim as Goose unpacked the Big league chew he smuggled in just for YHCs bday. We settled into creaky back row seats. You can smell it now can’t you? A fine mix of popcorn, cigarettes and regret. Cardinal assured us the place was lacking on Holy water. Nothing like a movie theater in the 80s. We covered Young Horns eyes through the atrocities of the first two trailers then came the last….

    A deep baritone voice describes the big screen …

    “This Summer….(screen flashes man loading grenades as ominous music plays) …
    In a world full of corruption (screen flashes man strapping on bazooka ) one man will Q a beatdown to single-handedly save the pax
    (Screen flashes tightening vest ) …
    His mission , relentless cardio (screen flashes JBL ) …
    His enemy …mumblechatter
    (Screen flashes boots lacing up )
    His help…there is none (screen flashes war paint ) …

    POOX Films brings you ….
    A Prestige Worldwide production …
    “Every 80s Action Hero”
    (Ominous music reaches crescendo )

    Duke! Put down those Mike and Ike’s and roll the footage!

    Warm Up

    The usuals with 35 reps of SSH to get the PAX in the right state of mind. Cardinal immediately regretted waking up after the 21st straddle hop.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that today we would honor two great gifts from the 80s. YHC andddd the great 80s action hero. Take a look at this list :

    Terminator
    Predator
    RoboCop
    Bloodsport
    Die Hard
    Lethal Weapon

    That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
    What a time to be born !
    Before CGI and remakes, no stunt doubles needed. Just a bazooka and a one liner and the lone hero saves the world. So we set out to honor the 80s action hero.
    But first some training.

    Bazooka Indian Run to the ball park. Last man does 3 bazooka squats with Ole hickory (30 lb bar) and runs the bazooka to the last man then sprint to the front. (I love the word bazooka , it just rolls off the tongue …bazooka)

    Arrived at the ball park where we learned lesson 2, shooting a million nameless henchmen.
    YHC dialed up that ole nurturing lullaby from Drowning Pool.

    “Let the Bodies Hit Floor “
    Bobby Hurley on Floor
    IW on song
    Air raises on 1..2…etc
    And there’s still nothing wrong with us !

    The Main Thang

    Jacked and Tan Circuit

    The 3rd and most important lesson of the 80s action hero is to always look good. So we needed a full body circuit.

    Setup: 7 stations , 1 central cone for the Hero who would serve as our timer while surrounded by goons with different weapons.

    Monkey Humper Trivia before each round

    Our first paradox hero was John Matrix , who YHC dressed as today
    He was the star of this 1985 action movie about a retired army colonel who must track down his kidnapped daughter ?

    COMMANDO

    What actor played John Matrix?
    ARNOLD

    I’ll stop here to note that watching 21 yo French Horn nail every single 80s trivia question when he wouldn’t be born for another 15 years is astounding. Like seeing Beethoven with his first piano. The kid has a gift. Keep shining Horn. T claps.

    Round 1 John Matrix Commando
    Center Cone – 35 big bar boy sit-ups

    1. KB swings
    2. Jump rope
    3. Coupon curls
    4. Brick flys
    5. Med ball Slams
    6. LBCs

    Round 2 John Rambo (1982)
    This 80s action movie launched an entire franchise
    About a Vietnam vet who wanders into a small town looking for a friend.
    Sly Stallone -Rambo-82
    15 monkey Humpers

    Central Cone – 20 squats

    Round 3 John McClane (1988)
    This 80s action movie is about a grizzled veteran cop who only wants to get home to his family but must batted 12 terrorists instead.
    Bruce Willis

    10 monkey humpers

    10 Peter Parker’s at central Cone

    The muscle fatigue was so intense that the distractions ranged from open air 5 year Thibodaux hard commits to YJ calculating how shredded he will be at 65. The pax (YHC included) continue to struggle with jump rope and it seems Enrons lack of rhythm is infectious.

    We ended with an all out “it’s gonna blow “ sprint to the flag where Goose let us know his shoulder may be injured but nothings wrong with the quads fellas. The old man is pure smoke in those new brooks!

    Some Mary where YJ melded animal noises with a cadence that created the time vortex to bring us back to present day Thibodaux.

    COT and the Goose prayed us out.

    NMM

    Has there ever been a more stupid phrase than “single handedly”? What has any human ever done completely by themselves? We are created by an all knowing , all powerful God , then birthed by our mothers and cannot provide a single bit of support for ourselves for roughly the first half decade of life. Yet here I am , time and time again, and with that special brand of pride. I can do it, I can pull it together, I can do this, just put it on my shoulders. And while that trope sells all the Hollywood tickets for action heroes, it’s only a path to destruction in the real world.
    For what did our real Savior look like. A bazooka? Nope just a legion of angels he left uncalled for. Surrounded by his enemies? Absolutely. So he went for nunchucks right? Nope, he took the relentless suffering then while nailed to a cross , forgave them instantly. And with his dying breath he must have nuked the place in a slow mo sprint ? Although it’s what I would have done it’s a nope again. Instead he poured out an ocean of Divine mercy and single handedly Saved the whole world.

    ….There goes my Hero

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ab-solutely Ab-surd – from Goose

    With two days to fill, YHC was happy to kill the legs yesterday before focusing on the glorious death of the abs today. Interestingly, only Paradox and Yankee Joe showed up to have their core sploded, and though they didn’t actually know what was coming, they knew Tuesday Tuff wouldn’t leave them where it found them.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals minus cherry pickers, which caused YJ to experience his first brain glitch of the day. There would be many more, and though most of these glitches worked themselves out through his colon, they did cause him some havoc with counting before being released into the atmosphere.

    Moseyed to the bumper and stop sign and back before diving into the first ab routine I found on the Exicon: Bruce Lee. This consisted of 20 reps apiece of 6 different exercises with no breaks. We did the recommended three rounds total with a 30 second rest only between each full round. The exercises were: American Hammers, Leg Raises, LBC’s, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs, and 100’s. After all the core work we’ve been doing over the past few weeks, this one wasn’t as bad as I expected, though the crunchy frogs got old quick. We probably could’ve gone for a few more rounds, but there was more on the docket that YHC wanted to get to.

    Next was 11’s–stage front to sidewalk, Van Goghdas on one end and static hold wife pleasers on the other, carioca there, nur back. Van Goghdas are basically Abe Vigodas (Windmills), but done lying on your back–so spread eagle, bring one arm up and over, lifting upper body so as to reach down and touch the opposite toe; the other hand stays where it was on the ground. These were eventually less awkward than YHC thought they’d be, and the first five or so weren’t that hard, but they began to deliver pretty well after that. Static wife pleasers are wife pleasers with a three second hold at the top.
    We stayed together and did the wife pleasers in cadence so no one was tempted to rush them. It was good to have some camaraderie and solid mumblechatter during 11’s for once–that’s usually somewhat of a solo experience–though, toward the end it was nothing but panting and grunting. That last round was a doozie.

    The last routine was called “The Hands of Time”. The PAX hit their sixes in a circle (triangle?) with heads toward the center, hands under their rears in leg raise position, and legs up at 90 degrees (top of a leg raise). In ring of fire fashion, each would count off and lower their legs to 6 inch hold position until it came back around, and the count would continue with each then lifting the legs back up again, and then back down, and so on until the Q stops it.
    The glitching and subsequent colon activity really ramped up from both YJ and Paradox at this point, to point where not only was counting a problem, but laughter and toxic fumes made breathing a problem. The Hands of Time movements combined with deep fatigue, endless counting, and methane seemed to operate as a sort of time machine that brought us back to a time when we’d sleep over at each other’s houses and fart and laugh till we farted again. YJ even started quoting Adam Sandler albums (this actually happened).
    YHC knew the only solution was to just keep going, and going, and going in order to ride the time wave and push the body beyond its limits until nothing remained but the PAX’s desire to to fill every open Q slot for the next two years so nothing like this ever happens again.

    Eventually, we stopped and moved onto five minutes of Mary…to work the core. And, just to be sure that the motivation to fill the Q sheet really took root, we did 51 Freddys (2:1), 53 flutter kicks (2:1), and 25 dying cockroaches (2:1) before time ran out.

    Ashley and Rebecca, you’re welcome for the ripped abs you’ll observe developing on the abdomens of your respective men in the next day or two. Just don’t make them laugh or do anything that requires counting–a glitch at this point may result in the need to purchase new underwear.

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Be sure to sign up to Q!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Offerings of Smoked Quads and Abs – from Yankee Joe

    Warm-up

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Blast-offs
    Mountain climbers
    Mosey lap

    The Thang – 4 rounds for time (more if time permits)

    50 lbcs
    40 jump squats
    30 big boy sit ups
    20 Bonnie Blairs 2:1
    10 v-ups
    Lap around civic center (approx. 1/4 mile)

    ————————–
    Exodus 14:5-7
    – 7 He took – six hundred – of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them.

    2 Chronicles 29:31-33
    – 33 And the consecrated things were – six hundred – oxen and three thousand sheep.

    Judges 3:31
    – 31 And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines – six hundred – men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

    F3Thibodaux 4:13
    – And….in the land of Thibodaux, near the banks of Bayou Lafourche (Bayou Side), SEVEN lost PAX of F3 Thibodaux set out to complete four rounds of 150 reps, numbering 600 reps in total in a beatdown offering at the Lion’s Den. However, some of the PAX brought more offerings by doing five or more rounds. Paradox and Enron, during a founders’ meeting (Ya hateth to see such elitism), did runneth two miles before the beatdown.

    —————————-
    Paradox, who came from Homeria, who was the husband of a real doctor, and who sends forth gas into the face of his brethren, he did cruncheth 200 lbcs. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Goose, son of Emu, son of Ostrich, who was fruitful and exponentially multiplied across the earth, he did jumpeth 160 times in the air. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Montana, son of Cotter, who was lost in the wilderness of pro shops, but had foundeth his way home, he did sitteth up 120 times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Smooth Operator, from the mighty tribe of fence builders, and who did rucketh miles with wrenches on his back, did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Enron, son of Bernie, and who advised others on how to worshipith silver shekels, and was a chief violator of form, repented and did lungeth with a chaste woman named Bonnie Blair 80 times the hard way. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Cardinal, who had favor with the Lord, but continued to farteth in his sack, and expert on leavened breakfast sandwiches from petroleum markets, he did sitteth up in a V forty times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    For all of these offerings, the tribe of F3 Thibodaux did bring to the Den. In five or more rounds, the reps numbered more than 600. Final offerings were made with 95 reps of Mary.

    COT and the sleeveless finery of both the ANIMAL and EURO TRASH varieties were bestowed upon Father Cardinal and Paradox respectively. Our long lost brother, Montana, prayed us out.

    And behold, Yankee Jeaux, provider of coffee from Abraham’s bosom, and oldest of the tribe, with thirty and one hundred years, this day victoriously beat down the dark (and annoying) shadows of mumblechatter and thus humbly (and with immense gratitude) served the PAX.

    SYITG,

    YJ

  • On the Road Again – from Paradox

    Well Im running down the road trying to loosen my load , I got 7 Pax on my mind. 4 that wanna own me, 2 that wanna stone me and one says he’s a friend of mine!

    Come on Yankeeeeee, don’t say maybe!

    I gotta know if His sweet love is gonna Save me!

    We may lose and we may win
    But we will never be here again
    So let’s warm up , mountain climbin in and take it easy…

    Duke! Get the footage and plug Bucees into the gps
    It’s time to hit the road. (Jack)

    Today YHC wanted to kickoff the Easter season through one of my favorite resurrection stories : The Road to Emmaus
    It gives such a different perspective from two disciples heading home from Jerusalem and highlights many of YHCs struggles like expectations and contentment.

    7 strong at the stage with really fine cool spring weather, perfect for making music with my friends.

    Warmup
    The usuals and a bumper mosey with mild to moderate chatter including Tana (welcome back Kotter) in full blown insubordination and Kilo wasting no time tweaking the Qs transitions after missing roughly the last 97 beat downs. The man has clearly been keeping his knives sharp during the layoff. Even a seasoned Q questioner like Goose could respect the effort. T-claps. Most other notable chatter surrounding the incredible confirmation cookout for two of our pax last night and the unbridled power of 50 plus kids.

    To set the stage and mindset of these disciples we got started with a little F3 classic Flowers by Moby
    They brought Christ up and then down and they thought he left them to weap and moan….
    Alternate squats and Leg Raise.
    Always a joy Moby.

    Mosey to the yet to be named Finance Office lot where we tested out the fresh pavement with our first Gospel trivia.

    How many miles from Jerusalem to Emmaus?
    The pax overshot at 14 and paid with 10 oyo burpees

    A little trivia interlude with “On the Road Again “ by Willie Nelson.
    Rocky Balboas on parking bumper during song , burpee on Road . Ronnie with a JBL sponsored BreakOut Performance hitting some groovy rhythm looking like a young Travolta out there. Must have been a few drops of Jucifer left in the tank.

    Second trivia round where pax correctly guessed the Gospel of Luke and reduced the reps to 5 burpees .

    Mosey To Corner of Richmans loop

    Trivia 3 where YJ quickly answered Cleopas as the named disciple and not to be confused with YHCs uncle Clofas who always lets you know that “he knows his rights “

    For the remainder of the beatdown we ran the “big track “ with intermittent excerpts from the Road to Emmaus as our ten counts.
    We completed dry docks, Australian angels , and SSH in increasing fashion on the corners.

    Lastly, hopefully inspired by the disciples revelation, we made an all out push for the flag in running fashion as we left our own beatdown expectations behind. Great effort to push through the pain together here.

    Goose handed down the coveted Animal shirt and YHC is already doing hallway merkins to make sure the threads are peak strain on Thursday.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out.

    Tremendous gratitude for all God is providing in this community .

    NMM

    Sometimes YHC really pumps up my own expectations and discontent leading to further chaos and an endless search for the “greener pasture “. The story of the road to Emmaus always reminds me of how we can look back and see what God placed all around us even when we were too busy to see it unfold.

    With our own plans the sounds of our own wheels can drive us crazy! So lighten up while you still can. Don’t even try to understand. Just find a place to make a stand and take it easyyyyy!

    That’s all I have to say about that

    See y’all on that gloomy Road

    Dox

  • Dare You to Move – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux tradition dictates that the Holy Week beatdowns crank the intensity on a few levels. On Saturday YHC jumped on an empty Q slot , laid a blueprint, and when I took a step back it was …well, we’ll just say it was a little too heavy. I thought “well I’ll just let that simmer and maybe the lightness will find a way.”
    I then talked with Cardinal (our EH specialist) on Sunday who told me about a new potential FNG he knows from the office of parish support.
    “This guy is perfect “ he said. “He checks all the boxes, Lives in the settlement , natural leader, strong faith, tall and used to be athletic. Was actually in the NBA D league until he had 47 kids. Best known for telling guys who fouled out that he would pray for them. His wife says he just needs some friends and a hobby ya know”

    Perfect ! This is just what we need for Monday. So I routed our warmup mosey to his house and we took a 0.8 mile run to start the beatdown , dropped off the F3 Thibodaux FNG brochure and patted our selves on the back . Mission accomplished!

    Just remember that ole saying kids …Hell hath no fury like a Yankee Jeaux scorned !

    Duke!! It’s Holy Week
    Roll the footage !

    Abbreviated warmup so we had time for our mission.

    Thang 1
    Leave Jerusalem-Then Return

    After returning from a successful FNG visit we Moseyed to Richman Loop on the straight away

    Return with our burdens , shoulder them together

    1 Pax lunge walk with ole hickory to a cone about 20 yards apart
    Rest of Pax mosey ahead to next cone to begin an exercise with lunge as timer.

    SSH
    Merkins
    Coupon OHP
    Med Ball Slams

    Solid cardio/muscle mix here and the Temple cleansing slamball is the best therapy on the market.
    We discussed Whoop/F3 partnerships and Enron showed us all proper Ole Hickory lunge form. A bold move with sheriff Form present but no sirens needed today.

    Mosey back to Stage with our burdens for a few songs to get us in the right mind for Holy Week.

    While I’m waiting -John Waller
    Donkey Kicks in waiting
    Plank for rest

    Dare you to move -switch foot
    Step ups
    Incline merkins on Dare

    COT and Enron Prayed Us Out

    Special intentions for the family of the local officer killed in the line of duty.

    NMM

    Roughly 20 months ago I was home from the wellness center telling my M I was once again “done with the gym”
    I couldn’t sit in an air conditioned building on the treadmill another minute watching reruns of Supernatural then do two reps of bench press and head home. I could do the workout DVDs again but that felt stale. Just so much missing . I was really stuck.

    Fast forward to April 3 2023

    At 5:15 this morning I met 4 other men while wearing a women’s small tank top after enlisting another man to also wear women’s clothing so we could run to another man’s house and enshrine him as King FartSack (which is only humorous because he’s our fearless leader and directly or indirectly he EH’d us all and never misses) plant a sign, take selfies and run back and that was a “warmup”!

    All these men I consider brothers who would be there for me or my family at moments notice.
    All this , from one of these men who made a single phone call to share this gift. This small gesture , a phone call and an invite, truly changed the course of my life and
    I’m constantly reminded that we have these opportunities daily. One smile, one invite, one shared story can be the spark for someone’s dwindling fire.
    The task for myself and our pax this week is to lean into the gospels message, let it transform you and let God lead you into those opportunities for connection and service.

    Dare you to move

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Mount Up! – from Goose

    It was a cold one, so YHC had fleeting fantasies of being able to drive back home and crawl into a warm bed, but Enron pulled in, faithful as ever, so YHC pulled up his layers of big boy pants and planted the flag. We wondered if anyone else was gonna show, but thankfully Yankee Joe allowed the challenge of the cold to actually get him out of bed and change his schedule so as not to join the fartsacking crew who would inevitably avoid it this morning. Nicely done.
    YHC combined a few old ideas with some “hair of the dog” to clear out some leftover PTSD from this past weekend and a few Tuesday Tuffs ago. And, we let the holiday, St. Joseph’s Day, give us a reason to push through it.

    After some warmups of the usuals we started a Bonnie Blair mile–10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) every quarter mile. It’s always nice having quality time with these two, and the cold air made us feel alive as we moved around the loop. The feeling of gratitude made the Bonnie Blairs very doable, though I knew the real test was yet to come.

    The mile represented the trek from Nazareth to Bethlehem, but now we had to flee to Egypt, then back to Nazareth, then back and forth to Jerusalem every year, including the time he and Mary left to go home but had to go back after a days journey to pick up the child they accidentally left behind in His Father’s house. So, we moseyed over to the stop sign nearest the bumper, and Enron and YJ started to sweat. (I think I heard, “Don’t do it, Dawson. Don’t do it.”–hospital named and everything; the pleading was real.) With only these two with me, I knew it was time to deal with the trauma the only way I know how–get back in it. With a set of 11’s between the two stop signs, we would get a taste of the “hair of the dog” with a few minor changes. Tempo merkins would replace regular merkins, and after squats on the other end, we sprinted back instead of carioca.
    The grass was cut, which helped a little, though nurring after this past weekend was a challenge. Sprinting made things move more quickly, which also helped, but oxygen was in high demand. It definitely provided another opportunity to grow in mental toughness and, as YJ articulated, to just surrender to what the beatdown demands.
    Both YJ and Enron kept the pace, never giving into the body’s demands for a break, and the suffering eventually came to an end with us grateful to be able to put it behind us again (for now).

    Thankfully, the schedule was going as planned, so YHC had time for a couple of songs. The first was reflective of St. Joseph’s devotion to Mary, his wife–“Lady” by Styx, one of YHC’s favorite to belt out in the car (or around a campfire). 6 inch hold and heels to heaven for every “Lady”. Three minutes never felt so long.
    The second was one that came up a few times at the retreat over the weekend, and YHC couldn’t believe I’d never seen the clear connection to F3: “…hit the east side of the LBC.” So, we hit those LBC’s hard to the tune of “Regulate” by Warren G. LBC’s while Warren G is singing/rapping, and gas pumps while Nate Dog is singing. We’ll definitely be using this one again–it’s the first time YHC has completely burned out on LBC’s, probably because of the LBC/gas pump combo and the previous song. It’ll be painful to sneeze tomorrow.

    Monday Murders had come to an end, and after some schedule shuffling and some greatly appreciated vulnerability with prayer intentions, Enron prayed us out. It was such a solid morning with these two HIMs, though I hope the fartsackers who can’t handle sub-40 temperatures will join us tomorrow!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Hit ‘Dem Commitments! – from Goose

    A number of the PAX were with their wives on a married couples’ retreat with YHC over the weekend at Lumen Christi, and the rest of the PAX were gracious enough to meet us there at 6am for the official Saturday beatdown. The morning had already started with a number of awesome surprises:
    1. Two of the non-F3 retreatants came out after seemingly no interest shown the day before, one of whom had driven down from St. Louis. YHC happened to pack the trophy F3 St. Louis shirt won during the 2022 Make America Burpee Again CSAUP, and I only remembered that it was in my bag when he showed up that morning. It was an awesome “coincidence”, and the newly minted “Photoshop” will now be properly attired when he posts back home.
    2. A tall, dark, hooded being crept up silently in the cold darkness and refused to answer requests for identification until YHC recognized him when he was only about 10 feet away. Enron was ready to jump the stranger, but his wide smile and goofy laugh revealed the last Cotter we expected to see that morning–it was Cutthroat! After from swearing off F3, hills, and anything non-crossfit, he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore, and he was ready to battle the snakes, ant piles, and elevation that only this AO could deliver.
    3. Ben Naquin, to be later named “Prius”, caved to his brother-in-law, Fence Post’s pressure to get busy livin’, and despite a helluva tough year including some new physical limitations, powered out an incredible first beatdown with tenacity and perseverance matched by few.

    The joy of the 12 PAX at such a great showing was palpable, and the warmup was executed with high energy–a lot of the usuals with no arms; YHC’s shoulder is still needing some rest, so it would be lots of legs and abs today!

    The theme that would carry us through the day was the same as the retreat: Domestic Church–particularly the 7 commitments each couple chooses to improve upon over the course of their journey: individual prayer, prayer with Scripture, couple prayer, family prayer, couple dialogue, rule of life, and an annual retreat.

    Started with a combined individual prayer/prayer with Scripture, which was represented by an Indian run around the campus with the last guy dropping off for three genuflections before sprinting to the front of the line. Just like individual prayer, you gotta break the rhythm of the day to stop what you’re doing and hit your knees–it’s not gonna happen on its own!

    We stopped on top of the hill for couple prayer and partnered up for a lazy Dora. Each “couple” went back and forth offering their “prayers” in the form of splitting duty on 100 wife pleasers (the non-“praying” partner held bridge), 200 squats (other partner held Al Gore), and 300 flutter kicks (other partner held 6 inches). It was only later in the day, once the sun was up, that many of the PAX were able to see just how many ant piles were on that hill–it was truly a miracle no one laid in one or more and got munched. It really looked like we were all clear in the darkness of the gloom.

    Next was family prayer–a ring of fire with all PAX doing constant smurf jacks to represent a bunch of active kids waiting their turn to pray, or in this case, squat jump. We made it to 50 before YHC called it to make time for couple dialogue.

    Any Domestic Church veteran will tell you that couple dialogue, though typically a sleeper, is the secret sauce. This is where the real money is, where the major growth happens for the couples who take advantage of it. A couple dialogue allows a couple to make measurable progress–it takes time an effort, but if you don’t give up early, it’ll change you. It would be no different this morning–the memories and the PTSD would center around this routine: 11’s over the hill. We started on the lake side with 10 Apolo Onos and on the other did 1 gas pump–next time was 9 and 2 and so on until finishing at 1 Ono and 10 gas pumps. Transportation was nurring (running backward) up and running down (both ways). It was the nur. The nur uphill caused YHC to think more than once about calling this one early, and more than once I checked my watch to see if time would give me an excuse, but we were going too fast. Paradiddle and Wet Tap wouldn’t let YHC ease up without it being obvious–we were in it together, all in, or not at all. I’m grateful for those dudes, per usual, and for their tenacity and companionship, cuz there was no place for a tired, self-pitying Goose to hide, so I didn’t miss out on the chance for some solid growth in mental toughness.
    Huge T-claps to the two FNG’s (and Cutthroat, too) for their staying with this one–it was designed assuming we’d have nothing but veterans out there this morning, but these guys never gave up!
    Side-note–a few minutes into this is when another stranger emerged out of the gloom, this time with a bouncing phone flashlight, and tried to just enter the fray unnoticed, but his off-color, plant-worker humor gave him away, as did the 6:40 arrival time–typical Goats in the machine arrival time is 5-10 minutes late, but this time, his Lenten lack of social media usage made him 40 minutes late (didn’t check GroupMe), so he promised to do some Doras at home. Good to have you, Goats, regardless of how long we get you!

    We ended on the far side of the hill for rule of life and the annual retreat. For rule of life, we picked on of YHC’s household rules, no phones on the toilet. This was represented by 15 mountain man poopers, increasing in speed as the reps increased representing how quickly YHC can get in and out of the bathroom now.
    The retreat is a chance for us to pack up our wives and kids and drag them to a far off location in hopes that it will do us some good. So, we grabbed our partners and piggy-backed them up the hill, then dropped them, ran down, and flapjacked. This is where the highlight of the morning happened–Ben (“Prius”) was first carried by Superfun(d), who is not a small man, but when they flapjacked, YHC assumed there would be some modifications, but once Smooth dropped me at the top and I turned around, there was Ben, moving quick up the hill, a determined smile on his face. All our legs were dead at this point, but he wanted to see if he could do it. His digging deep blew the whole PAX away, and they erupted, cheering wildly as he topped the hill with his mustached rider. It was a thing of beauty.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 7 minutes of Mary, 20 IC of the following: crunchy frogs, leg raises, J-Lo’s, pickle pounders (excellent mumblechatter from Cutthroat and Cardinal about potential publicity issues with this), and Jane Fondas to go with Yankee Joe’s Donna Summers comments. Held plank for the last minute, and then called it.
    COT with some FNG naming fun, the Animal shirt going to the indomitable Paradiddle, and then Superfun(d) prayed us out. It was an awesome addition to the retreat, and another great shot in the arm for the F3 Thibodaux crew.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • ParO’dox and the St Patrick Games – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Den on two wheels with just a few extra minutes to let some LepraCones (tM) stretch their legs in the ball park . YhC saw Dilly drive up to see what was happening, gave a fist bump and politely let him know that everything he had seen was “classified “. YHC then set out a few coin dishes and the last thing YHC saw was a gangly Irish fellow with a green mullet and a smedium Irish Affliction shirt (never change Thibodaux Walmart) coming toward me. He had Joy in his eyes and a prayer in his heart. He shotgunned a Guinness and told YHC this beatdown was his…that’s when YHCs lights went dim and all that’s left below are eye witness accounts and fragmented memories during an out of body experience.

    Duke !! Get the footage !!

    Warmup

    5:15am:
    Report from Dale at the
    Chic Fil La Drive Thru :

    “I saw several middle aged men loitering around a lion statue. They looked like they were waiting on someone. Then a maniac rounded the corner with green hair and it was business in the front , party in the back . I’m gonna be honest with you here, that guy looked high. Maybe bath salts. He ran around them in circles, obviously some pagan ritual chant playing from a wireless device. He paused in the middle and spoke in what sounded like a hybrid between Jeff Foxworthy and Connor McGregor. They followed him in unison and it only took a few minutes for them to work into a full lather. He gave them one last cussin and they disappeared toward the demon duck pond. Strange man …real strange. “

    5:22am
    Report from Martha who “gets her steps in” every morning at the demon duck pond track:

    “Youths today !! I tell ya what ! They ran by me in a line singing about drunken sailors and rambling rovers! Then they made the last man do a crude 1/2 lunge dance. This new generation is circling the toilet ! Now if you’ll excuse me I need 400 more steps so I can have my pastalaya for breakfast “

    Journal entry from Earl Thibodaux
    Who works maintenance for the parks department and keeps meticulous notes during his smoke break.

    “These young fellas poured into the ball field about 5:30a. They had cardinals, gooses and one guy was straight up named after a piece of wood. Clearly gang affiliated. The skinny mullet weirdo read them an excerpt from the St Patrick prayer and they danced around the field. The signs said :

    Station 1
    Christ Beneath Me
    10 big bois
    1 coin

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    Station 2 Center Field
    Christ on my right, Christ on my left
    15 (2 is one) Apolo Ohnos
    2 coins

    Station 3 Right Field
    Christ Above Me
    20 Star Jumps
    3 coins

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    That fella then organized some sort of exercise money game. Prolly with that real Lean fella they call Enron.

    First they went solo collecting coins at Stations and the losers did squats.

    Next he had them Split into teams
    They started at home base with 2 buckets for coins.
    1 fella was at at bucket doing jumping jacks at all times but could swap out with a team mate.
    The rest of them leapt to any station or a cone to complete reps or gather a prize which gave them gold coins for the bucket of gold.

    He had some cones out too , looked like this:
    Cone 1 (I) 20 LBCs 1 coin
    Cone 2 (R) 100 high knees (1 is 1)
    Cone 3 (E) 30 Leg Raises …(the answer to the preBlast riddle was set as a 0 coin trap . Sorry Dilly! )
    Cone 4 (L) 10 side Lunges (left right is 1)
    Cone 5 (A) 10 American hammers
    Cone 6 (N) 20 flutter kicks
    Cone 7 (D) 10 dolphin Hops

    I heard the one they called Dilly holler “stay away from the E cone, it’s a trap!” They never saw it coming.

    They played a few rounds and the team with the cranky bald fella that makes fake siren noises kept winning. Finally they jogged back around the civic center and I for one , wouldn’t be surprised if you saw those mugshots on the 6 o clock news. “

    5:58
    Dale from Chic Fil La again

    “Well that girl forgot my mini biscuits so I made another lap around the drive thru. That’s when I saw them kids sprinting back to the lion. They did a few more leg ups then counted each other and named each other. They said a group prayer and scattered before I could even jot down a plate number!

    6:20a
    Paradox:
    YHC woke up in his driveway with a foggy head and some scattered cones. A note on my windshield read “you’ve got a solid group of Lads there, now they know a proper Irish beatdown !
    St Patty Pray for us
    see ya next year
    – ParO’dox “

    NMM

    Was recently discussing the consistency aspect of F3 with Enron and we both agreed it had outlasted any previous “fad exercises” in our careers. A funny thing about F3 for YHC is the “frog in boiling water “ effect. One day you walk into your first gloom with old gym shorts on cus your friend said it was “a challenging workout ”. The next thing you know you have on a Irish national flag hat with a sewn in mullet singing sea shanties and yelling “Oui” as a response while you lead other men. Yet just as the frog can’t quite remember when the water started boiling, I can’t really pinpoint when F3 begin to make me a better man. I just know day by day, rep by rep , through suffering and triumph we improve each other a little more .

    See Ya Bonnie Lads in the Gloom
    Dox