F3 New Orleans

Tag: Wilford Montana

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • What can Brown do for you? – from Wet Tap

    What can Brown do for you?

    After thorough deliberation and meditation on a reborn VQ, YHC listened to those muscles that were left out from previous beatdowns. These muscles craved lactic acid the way a man craves the last minute delivery of a forgotten present for Christmas. The one your wife hinted at for months and your brain reminds you on December 20th. As you track the package day by day wondering why it stays in Memphis for like 30 hours, despite a record snowstorm. YHC turned his reflection on those workers who like the PAX show up despite the rain, snow, heat and misery; in their own gloom. What better way to honor those real American heros than a UPS/Fedex/UPS inspired beatdown.
    16 strong PAX trickled in to the Pelch on a glorious morning. A pre-thang sprint to the local track by Redfish checking for locked gates set the tone for the intensity that will soon follow. Speck and YHC moseyed over to the field to set the cones for the deliveries to soon arrive.
    Warmarama:
    Typical warmups with side staddle hops, Abe Vigodas ( fastest slow windmills ever), Arm Circles F/R, cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks.

    Pre-thang:
    A nice leisure Indian run with coupon carry of course. This lead to a silent mumble from the PAX. I say silent because the words didn’t come out just facial expressions had the look of confusion and dismay. I desperately tried to include the IHURT Bluetooth speaker, a collection of uplifting songs specially picked out by the 2.0’s. Unfortunately it was the only fartsack for the morning. In disapproval I chunked it much the way your USPS man rings your door and shotputs the package from 10 yards out. Never the less, the mosey began.
    The mosey took up a quarter mile up and down the road alternating between shoulder and farm carry. Redfish took the final lead and brought us into the track. We all graciously dropped our coupon at the entrance of the track, except for Piccadilly.
    Thang 1:
    With the PAX toes on the football field goal line a division was formed. UPS on side one and FEDEX on the other hash.
    Sprint to 5 yd line, NUR back. Sprint to 10 yd line, 1 Burpee, NUR back. Etc…. Burpees correlated with each 10 yrds ( 10yd=1, 20yd=2, 30yd=3, etc…) Thang 1 finishes when each pax NURS back from the 50. A clear win for team FEDEX. The overloaded 2.0 lead to a swift bunch of child labor clearing up all questions of why third world countries utilize this work force.
    The next exercise idea was a combination of Jucifer IPA and an overwhelming need to pull things. Regardless of the PAX’s CO2 narcosis the understanding of how exactly this plays, a decent level of strain was achieved. Each man lined up 5 yds apart with a specific exercise. The other man sprints from the rear, dead man pulls him to the next man in line. Takes his exercise and the next man gets pulled. This would have lead to us inching across the field 5 yrds at a time. After enough time, YHC called it. It was time to mosey.

    Thang 2:
    A short coupon carry back to the field where the cones awaited. Still in division, half the PAX on team UPS, other half FEDEX. Each cone 15 yds apart with a specific exercise listed. PAX were to complete the listed exercise from one cone to the next, coupons included. Each cone had “packages “ to be delivered to midfield. Obstacles always exist in each field of work. Today this obstacle were the 2.0’s Hungry and salivating sat the 2.0’s ready to defend their homes. The dogs! The PAX had to avoid the bite of these ferocious beasts, for a bite from one of those hounds resulted in 3 burpees.
    1. Rifle carry lunges
    2. GRR right
    3. GRR left
    4. Murder bunny
    5. Bear crawl
    Repeat back home.
    The dogs showed no reserve and they seemed to multiply into a swarm of impenetrable defensive. Some PAX adapted to kamikazes, God bless these men.
    Music:
    Harry Nilsson releases a cult classic hit in 1971. “coconut”
    None of the PAX knew this song, or at least claimed to know it. This further confirmed the YHC age.
    Plank hold for duration of song, Merkin on coconut, mountain climber on doctor. Song lasted 3:50 resulting in 41 merkins.
    Welcome vador and Boom, Major Bratt’s 2.0
    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out.
    Wet tap

    #paradox #enron #fencepost #lilcuz #piccadilly #wilford montana #toeloop #major bratt #fire in the hole #yankee joe #redfish #speck

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • Fireworks and Infections – from Goats in the Machine

    As I arrived to The Stage YHC was not sure what exact pain and hilarity would ensue. I armed myself with a deck of death and the knowledge of coupons in route. Regardless of what was to come, I was determined to serve anguish with a side of joy.

    I am not sure if it was the wet shoes, soggy, gloves, or the mental prep for Exodus 90; but YHC was in an extremely choleric mood. Unfortunately, the lack of post Beatdown mumble chatter about “strain” from the whoop-gang has made me more vindictive and deceitful. Additionally, I’m starting become convinced that “strain” is what happens after your first cup of coffee is consumed in the morning.

    Warm-o-Rama
    The usually suspects w/ 11 reps for each as to warn the pax of their fate. YHC, had one miscount. All pax are welcome to do 3 backwards arm circles at home.

    Thang 1.1
    11’s coupon curls and tricep extensions. YHC felt it was important to show solidarity with all of the sad clowns and their New Year’s resolutions by working glamor muscles. YJ questioned the sex appeal of triceps. YHC explains the importance of looking swole to the sad clown in the pew behind him when he puts his arm around his M in mass.

    Thang1.2
    3 rounds of Infection. Cardinal showed his crab walk skills once again. Superfund was a shoring sleeper victor.

    Thang 1.3
    Big Bang. Exercises were dictated by deck of death. Paces from the center matches the value of the card pulled.

    Thang 2.1
    11’s coupon overhead press and BBSUs. Mumble chatter was muffled by the 3rd round.

    Thang 2.2
    Big band deck of death again

    Mary with Iron wheel to the finish. Pax stalled with SSH, plank, high knee, back plank, and butt kicks while PAX chose their favorite Marys. YHC noticed a lot of monkey Humper, J-Lo, pickle pounders, and wife pleasers as the wheel turned.

    COT and goose prayed us out.

    Happy Nee year to all. I had a great time with the group of men who showed up in the gloom this morning.

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky – from Paradox

    9 Thursday Thoroughbreds at the Stage to honor Christmas traditions new and old.
    We began with a welcome to 3 of our F3 Katy brothers (ChootEm, Technical, 4/10) and a nice prethang run to orient our DR pax to the AO. I’m confident both 4/10 and Technical would still be running a 8 minute pace if they weren’t stopped for the beatdown. The old guys held a leisurely pace and listened to some inspiring stories about the impact of F3 on the Katy region . Great to hear for our blossoming Thibodaux crew.

    Warm Ups
    Usuals with my new improved cadence.
    The chatter was somewhat suppressed and I was proud of our PAX in pretending for a few minutes to be the consummate professional weekday warriors. No talk about schisms or doo doo pills. No one asked about Moroccan self love and like clockwork Camaro guy serenaded us with a few extra revs of the Hemi. Beautiful PAX harmony.
    We really looked like we had it together!

    Bumper mosey and back to flag.
    .
    With a heavy heart YHC addressed the recent loss of the F3 hero Anker to start the day. I’ll pause here because I hear you mumbling in the back right now Yankee Jeaux . “An Anker memorial presented by JBL??”. “The dirt is barely fresh on his grave “ adds EnRon. But here’s the truth. Like any two red blooded alpha male Bluetooth devices sure JBL and Anker had their differences (primarily sound quality lol jk). But at the end of the day they wanted the same thing: bring the PAX Thunder and squeeze every ounce of effort from their weak human bodies.

    So today we begin anew, with a small black rectangular sized hole in our hearts. We burn the schism that was JBL/Anker and in its ashes a new tradition is born ….

    The official Anker Warmup Song

    My challenge to the pax is to honor Ankers legacy after each warmup with a song to make Anker smile in Bluetooth heaven. Today we began with his all time favorite :
    “ Thunderstruck , AC/DC”
    Tin Soldiers on song and Burpees on all the Thunder.

    We miss you buddy

    On to the THANG

    Christmas tradition @ House Paradox involves an annual trip to view the greatest of ballets (the only one YHC has ever seen)
    The Nutcracker.

    Every year YHC is stunned at the stamina and strength of the ballerinas to perform these world class routines.

    During our recent viewing, visions of sugar plums danced in my head of ways to modify this into an all leg consuming beatdown.

    Today I present to you

    THE BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Act 1

    Decorate the Tree and dance around it

    Step ups while other Pax Bearcrawl to picnic table
    10 incline merkins bearcrawl back
    Then 10 merkins
    Then 10 derkins
    FlapJack with Partners each round

    The Presentation of gifts
    Each pax roll Purple die
    Rest of PAX do the exercise while pax who rolled runs to the stage for 10 box jumps
    I swear that die has a gift for feeling the body party that is the theme of the day so we did a zillion Squats.

    Presentation of the Nutcracker
    100 thrusters
    Partner 2 run a track lap

    SideNote:
    Lil Cuz is a Thruster Machine , watch out WetTap ! He’s coming for the crown !

    Mouse King vs the Nutcracker
    Two teams
    Grab coupon , Indian Run
    chest carry , last coupon lunges to the front , when he gets to the front he yells “Sugar Plum Fairy “
    This signals two things , 5 goblet sqats from all and last man lunges to front . Go to concrete and Back .

    Def have to tweak this one as YHC miscalculated lunge speed vs sqats speed. Tana questioned the Q game plan and somewhere in an empty clinic a drug rep handout sits idle waiting for signatures. You hate to see that.

    Audible to 10 ballerina sqats and Rifle carry back for Mary .

    Team Mary
    It only took 42 minutes of peace in the wake of Ankers passing for a new new schism to rear its ugly head.
    The clockwise vs counter clockwise debate has risen with Enrons systolic spiking to 200s just thinking about it.

    YHC restored order with classic Dolphin Hops (man I just love those)
    YJ with flutters
    Goose with some ridiculous pickle pounders that always seem to end YHCs beatdowns

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks to ChootEms crew for rolling in early and pushing us through a run. Great to meet y’all.

    Grateful for the work and opportunity to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • The beatdown to Bethlehem – from Enron

    After Tuesday’s (#tuesdaytuff) cardio heavy beatdown, YHC was ready for some slower, heavier movements, or just not ready for any more cardio. It seemed to be the perfect timing for a themed beatdown that had been drawn up the night prior with the help of a much more creative wife. The stage was set as YHC pulled up to a much familiar look of a minivan awaiting the arrival of more PAX. Yankee Joe was ready as usual. As 4 more PAX arrived in the gloom, we had plenty of pre-thang time to discuss the many schisms that have been dividing the Thibodaux PAX for decades, OK, well maybe just the past 6 months. This mumble chatter did not slow down as the warmups began, and YHC decided it would be a good time to test his newly acquired (thanks Goose) pre-cadence call. This did not go over well with about half of the group while the other half took it in stride, hence the building of a divide. We quickly learned, or were directed to, who was the leader of pre-mentioned schisms. The usually ultra-quiet and very reserved in his words, Paradox, has decided to form groups on each side… again. Goose, in all his wisdom, informed us that Cardinal (on IR) also enjoy the great divides of this PAX, but is a “seeker of truth” and is always looking for the “correct” side to be on. Although, JBL, #whoopteam, “starting position, in cadence, ready position move” (or however it goes), #Tuesdaytuff (ok twice is enough); will always be the right side.

    Warmup with waaaay too much chatter in between, to where YHC had no idea what number we were on:

    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, bumper mosey

    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem

    After reading an extensive amount of information on many different Christmas topics, a theme was finally coming to light. We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days (leaving December 15th to be perfect for the beatdown). A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled all of this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.

    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich mans loop, where approximately 15 light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.

    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:

    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between. The slower carry between had plenty of time to discuss just how tuff #tuesdaytuff (last time) was, especially without Paradox.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Walk through the Jordan River – 10 Bonnie Blairs (the hard way)
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 20 Mountain climbers – in cadence
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- this was a burpee but with a donkey kick during the thruster
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 25 Merkins
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 30 squats (no coupon)
    Fight off more animals – 30 coupon curls
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 15 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Perfect Merkins
    Give God the glory – 25 Heals to Heaven
    Turned away at the Inn – Run to next light pole (this light pole was out making the reference perfect)
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: Song
    “Jingle Bell Rock” – Hold Al Gore for duration and squat on Jingle
    This made the PAX looks like whack-a-mole moles with how many “jingles” there were and how uncoordinated we can look at times.

    2 minutes of Mary with Freddie Mercury’s and Penguins

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thanks for the laughs to go along with this one. I hate to admit it but the mumble chatter only added to the fun. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.

  • ADVENTure Wreath – from Paradox

    The season of Advent has a special place in YHCs heart as a time of new family traditions and a much needed reminder of practices that prepare the way for Christ’s presence. YHC could think of no better way to honor this season than with life sized ADVENTure wreath and heavy coupon work. I knew just the HIMs that would take the journey with me. 5 pax rolled in ready for ADVENTure (ok ok I’ve used it twice , I’ll retire it ). The WiseMan Enron continued to have uncanny abilities to observe anything out of place and questioned the flickering candle stationed on our northern horizon. Goose rounded us out with gifts of gold, coupons, myhr and we’ll let’s just say his gloves did not smell of frankincense.

    Standard Warmup with some discussions on Goose genetic traits in all our exercises.

    Rifle Cary to Wreath (open field )
    Classic “Candle on a coupon “setup , check your field guides

    The Thang

    Clear your heart
    Prepare the way

    Cones were scattered about our wreath (4 coupons 25 yards apart in a square) and we needed to clean up before ADVENTuring (last one!, promise ) any further.
    Bearcrawl to a cone, 5 merkins, lunge walk back. Add 5 merkins each round. Many hands make light work and our wreath was sparkling clean in a few minutes.

    Rifle Carry to corner

    Hope candle- Prophecy Candle
    “Hope for Everyone “ Matt Maher (Advent of Christmas , great album)
    Hold coupon chest level w high knees
    Goblet sqat on “Hope “
    Quads got warm and we all Hoped it would end

    Look Up for hope
    Partner up for 100 OHP
    P1 Heels to Heaven
    10 OHP each round then flip flop

    Rifle carry to next cone

    Faith
    Bethlehem candle

    1st corner 1 blockee , 2 donkey kicks , rifle carry …2 Blockee then 4 donkey kicks and increase in that fashion till finishing at 10 DK and 5 blockee
    That was ….something

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Joy
    Sheperd Candle
    Leave the 99 , save the 1
    Start in circle holding plank
    Send 1 pax to the stage for step ups then send another pax to rescue . We did several ab exercises while taking turns rescuing the 1.Left Tana in charge during my rescue and shockingly no pickle pounders were performed. Thats called growth my friends.

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Love /Peace
    Angel candle
    “He Shall Reign Forevermore” Matt Maher (just to confirm, GREAT album)
    Coupon hops And Burpees on Reign
    Killer Rhythm Ronnie, we’ll have you on season 8 of Dancing with Financial Advisors very soon.

    Finished up at the Purity Candle
    With Team Mary
    Wife pleasers, LBCs, flutters
    YHC totally had a speech about it being the feast day of the immaculate conception planned. In my head preBlast it sounded like the hybrid of Mel Gibson Braveheart speech and the the “Win one for the Gipper speech”..But In real time YHCs brain was fried and it was like “hey Mary is awesome let’s do some abs”. It be like dat sometimes.

    Great effort across the board here men.

    COT and Post prayed us out

    Thanks for following me today
    Been a heart heavy month for YHC with some big decisions and obstacles abound . Grateful for you guys and the stability that God provides with our brotherhood.

    SYITG
    PDox
    ◦

  • Sir Pax-A-Lot – from Yankee Joe

    The power sub-station is down. It could be hours before power is restored. It typically takes me three hours to write a back blast regardless of quality. My laptop has about an hour of battery life remaining. This will be the biggest challenge of my F3 career. Bring it.

    It is final exam week, and I am desperately treading water in an ocean of incompetent student essays, projects, and presentations. With every group presentation, I further doubt my own competence as an instructor. How did I fail them so completely? From this group of poor victims, comes interactions that make every painful moment worthwhile. I offer some real gems below:

    Presentation Q&A Example 1:

    – YHC: In what ways did Covid-19 impact the supply chain logistics within the automobile industry?

    – Student: Great question. To be honest, we can say that the supply chain was totes jacked up. In fact, I’m pretty sure the expression, “off the chain” came from this issue.

    – (YHC Internal Monologue): Well crap, it was indeed totes jacked up. I know this did not spawn the term, “off the chain”…right? I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
    —————–
    Presentation Q&A Example 2:

    – YHC: You mention that customers in China had trust issues with the company’s distribution channels?

    – Student: Totally. The products were all warehoused in the U.K.

    – YHC: Ok. What was the issue with products being warehoused in the U.K.?

    – Student: I mean, it’s a bunch of college students running the company?

    – (YHC Inner Monologue): Oh…oh no. No, no, no…She thinks that “UK” stands for University of Kentucky. Oh God…what do I do? Keep a straight face, keep a straight face. It’s too late for her. I can’t help. This is not the hill.

    – YHC: GO Wildcats!
    ——————
    Presentation Q&A Example 3 (and my absolute favorite so far):

    – YHC: You talk about the challenges of Starbucks entering the Indian market? Why was market entry so difficult?

    – Student: Well, it seems that they didn’t really have the right equipment and gear.

    – YHC: Explain

    – Student: Well, as you know, the northern border of India has the Himalayan Mountains, which make entering the country really hard.

    – YHC: (stares at student)

    Student: (stares at YHC)

    – YHC: (realize that student isn’t kidding)

    – Student: They’re really high mountains.

    – YHC: (long pause) Welp…sounds good to me! Moving on to the next question.
    ——————-
    What does all this have to do with a beatdown? Per usual, it is a very weak connection, but if I am good at anything, it’s forcing a square peg in a round hole. I use Backblasts for cathartic journaling as much as…well that’s it actually. Does anyone really read these things? If yes, post your favorite meme from The Office.

    7 Pax at the Stage. It’s been awesome as of late. The addition of Fence Post has raised the bar and the regs keep it consistent. Montana’s newly styled Sumo bun is looking on purnt! It was 43 degrees. As mentioned in prior blasts, YHC is not a tough guy when it comes to cold. The wind was blowing. I, with my tights and hooded sweatshirt felt very weak next to Enron in his shorts and short sleeves.
    —————-
    Warmarama
    – SSH – 30 ct until YHC felt some blood moving
    – Windmills that YHC thought were arm circles
    – Grass Grabbers w/ the Clap so YHC could feel like the NOLA PAX
    – Finally, real arm circles, but YHC forgot to call out the exercises
    – Some high knees, some Derricks…maybe (taken from the now famous Enron Re-VQ)
    – And a Mosie

    (now that I’m writing it down, it was pretty much the worst Warmarama since Montana)
    —————-
    ON to the Thangs…No real theme except that YHC misses IPC like the deserts miss the rain.

    The Beatdown: Sir Pax-A-Lot (three-part thang)

    AKA: 30-60’s – 20-40’s – 30-60’s (You’d get it if you had it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette.)
    —————
    Set up:
    cones in a square of 20-yard sides. PAX moves starts at the lower left corner, then moves to the upper left corner, then diagonally to the lower right corner, then to the top right corner, finally diagonally to the lower left corner.
    ——————
    Round 1: 30 – 60 (transport – bear crawl)
    – 30 merkins
    – 60 arm raises
    – 30 Carolina dry docks
    – 60 seal jacks
    – 400 m run
    ———————-
    Round 2: 20 – 40 (transport – lunge walks)
    – 20 leg thrusters
    – 40 prisoner squats
    – 20 Bonnie Blair’s the hard way 2:1
    – 40 side to sides 1:1
    – 400 m run

    **the Bonnie B’s following the lunges, following the prisoner squats, following the leg thrusters suuuuuucked!
    ———————–
    Round 3: 30 – 60 (transport – crab walk)

    The subordina…er, I mean, chatter really picked up here. Goose had “so many questions” and Cardinal kindly reminded YHC that only 12 minutes remained. Montana announced 4:1 flutters equaled 120 (all by hisself too!). Enron questioned the exercise in general, forgetting the vendetta YHC had on he and Goose from a couple weeks ago…nobody can remember about what though.

    – 30 flutters 4:1
    – 60 low plank leg lifts 1:1
    – 30 Poppin Dollys (hello dolly followed by 90 degree leg lift)
    – 60 J-lo pickle gobblers 1:1 (J-Lo then two pickle pounders = 4 ct)
    – 400 m run

    ** I still can’t figure out how Cardinal so effortlessly glides through a crabwalk. YHC tried to keep up, which resulted in a muddy backside. I think he’s tired of hearing about it. Seriously, just let a playa’ play.
    ———————-
    Not Mary

    – We did something…whatevs…this ain’t even my whole day
    – Lastly, we did three level push-ups (up à quarter merkin hold, up à half merkin hold, up à full merkin hold; same thing down, BUT no hold at the bottom, which was a huge missed opportunity. That said, Enron was doing the wide arm mission impossible to hold the WHOLE DANG time at the bottom. I was very impressed…Enron was very pissed. My B.

    COT

    Goose prayed us out.

    Not my best work fellas, but I appreciate you powering through and raising the bar with every beatdown.

    Ooohh…the power just came on. Time to hear more inspiring presentations.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • Tabata Bout It – from Goose

    Still moping from having missed the Turkey Bowl on Saturday, YHC was looking forward to seeing the PAX this morning and hearing all the details. And, after hearing the details, it only made me more sorry that I missed it. But, camaraderie forged in pain was to be this morning’s gift, and the four PAX who attended were gracious enough to join YHC in the suffering.
    Warmups of the usual with some added hillbillies to burn up some soreness in the hips. Then we were off in and Indian Run around Rich Man’s Loop with the last person doing 5 Apolo Ohno’s before running to the front.
    Upon returning, YHC wasted no time in firing up the Tabata timer (I like the “Smart WOD” app) for 29 rounds of 40 seconds exercising and 20 seconds rest. Many were harder than YHC imagined, and some were a little easier (though not many). The chest was good and fried by the end of it, as were the calves. Background music was nixed in favor of space for mumblechatter, but it ended up being 29 straight minutes of panting and grunting and some jerk constantly telling us we were only halfway there. It was awesome. Here’s the list of exercises:
    1. Line jump w/2 feet (jump side to side over a line in the concrete)
    2. Left foot line jump (dang)
    3. Right foot line jump
    4. Irkins (on the bricks on the stage for this and the next few)
    5. Derkins
    6. Box jumps
    7. Dips
    8. Bonnie Blairs
    9. Big Boy Situps
    10. Calf raises
    11. Backward lunges
    12. Mountain climbers
    13. Merkins
    14. Werkins (wide arm merkins)
    15. Side lunges
    16. Freddy Mercurys
    17. LBC’s
    18. Flutter kicks
    19. Hairy Rockettes (straight leg up to opposite extended hand, to one side, then the other, like the Rockettes)
    20. Diamond merkins
    21. Pickle pounders (low plank, not high–that would be weird)
    22. Carioca (back and forth across the concrete)
    23. Elbow to opposite knee situps
    24. Rocky Balboas (on curb)
    25. Knerkins (merkins on knuckles, a.k.a Chuck Norris merkins)
    26. Plank jacks
    27. Toe taps (high plank, reach through and touch opposite toe)
    28. Crab cakes (opposite of above–crab position, reach up and touch opposite toe in turn)
    29. Carolina dry docks

    Finished at exactly 6:15 for some COT and some heavy prayer intentions for a lot of folks going through some major stuff.
    It was a blessing to be out there with you gents!
    SYITG,
    Goose