F3 New Orleans

Tag: Wilford Montana

  • The Goose Option – from Goose

    The Goose Option refers to both the Q-uarterback’s decision to pitch to the running back at the last moment (YJ to Goose), and the modifications YHC has employed during the past couple of months to avoid further injury to the right wing. This morning, we would all endure the Goose Option.
    YHC arrived with Pope to see Smooth already running laps–a good sign for Team Smoothie Kings. Worried that “HC” has further come to mean “fartsack” for many, YHC was carefully watching the clock as we inched dangerously close to 5:15. But, French Horn pulled in (a few minutes early, mind you), followed by a trickle of solid dudes who eventually added up to a Magnificent Seven despite the large number of solid fartsackers (including at least one “HC”). Seriously, it was awesome to see that we can have so many men there on a Monday morning even with so many missing.

    Encouraged by this crew, including two who traveled from Houma and beyond (Paradiddle’s 5th in a row!!), we rolled through the warmup of the usuals, and YHC introduced Goose Option, Part 1.
    During the May challenge, YHC can only score points through situps, tricep curls (which are harder than bicep curls, so it’s not cheating!), and running. So, for the sake of camaraderie, we all did 4 rounds of the following: 3 sets of 15 tricep curls and 15 WWII situps followed by a quarter-mile run (to bumper, then Stop sign, and back). This ultimately added up to 180 curls, 180 situps, and 1 mile run.
    French Horn continued to pour forth unprecedented music and movie knowledge from the 90’s as he kept up with YHC (and ultimately earning the Animal shirt as a result), which made this stage fly by. T-claps to the whole crew for cranking out the tricep curls and big boys–I felt known and loved.

    Part 2 would be a song since more than half of song routines consist of the plank/merkin combo or something like a SSH/burpee combo and YHC has to do some sort of leg destruction to match the intensity. So, we would all destroy our legs using “The General” by Dispatch. We held Al Gore for the duration of the 4 minute song, and during the refrain, we did the following:
    -squat jump on “take a shower”
    -Bonnie Blair on “shine your shoes”
    -Apolo Ono on “young men”
    -genuflection on “forgiven”
    According to Paradiddle, this looked like some sort of dance, and maybe it was. Maybe that’s all I’ve ever really wanted, to dance in sync with a bunch of swole dudes. Either way, the legs were shot long before we finished, but we genuflected our way to the bitter end before lining up at the edge of the concrete for the final 8 minutes.

    Part 3 reflected the common experience YHC has of modifying an arm routine to a leg routine only to have the Q call a killer leg routine next. So, we would do 11’s until time ran out–flutters at the Stage, lunge walk to the sidewalk, leg raises at the sidewalk, and run back. It was basically a few ab exercises to provide a little space between a bunch of ridiculously long lunge walks. (I’ve discovered since then that if I sit down, I should plan to be there for a while.)
    This was a tough one, but these dudes cranked it out without stopping or complaining (too much), though I think Paradiddle did run behind his truck to let out what sounded like enough gas to inflate a weather balloon. Seemed like a waste of steps to me–I would have like to have seen how that affected his lunge walk.

    6:00 mercifully came, and the PAX made their way back to the Stage for the COT. Tana’s hair told the whole story–it looked like it had been through a lot and wasn’t even trying anymore. Frenchy got the Animal shirt, as mentioned, and Paradiddle prayed us out.
    Diddle decided to stay and clock one more mile, and as we were driving out, we saw Smooth go back from his truck to the track to join him so he didn’t have to run alone. That’s what it’s all about!!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Try Athletes – from Paradox

    Does anyone else have an item on your bucket list that looks wayyyy better on paper and in your head than in reality.
    YHCs has always been the triathlon.
    The conversation goes something like this :

    12 year old YHC brain:
    bruhhhh Conquering multiple elements of human locomotion in a variety of terrains, an ultimate test. You are literally an amphibious machine. Cross that finish line while everyone cheers your name. The ladies will be lined up. This is your life’s greatest work.

    35 year old YHC brain:
    bro , chill, you get the heeby jeebies from swimming in deep water, biking always hurts your back, and your feet cramp after a two mile run. If you keep taking ibuprofen you will get an ulcer. Check yourself before you shipwreck yourself.

    And so on just like that for decades.
    But no more!
    Today we put the triathlon to bed once and for all…as a team!

    Duke put down those electrolyte gummies and roll the footage.

    12 pax beat the gloom on a beautiful summer morning at the Peltch. YHC rolled in a touch early to plant a few seeds and then met up with a growing prethang Saturday crew of Horn, Diddle and Ronnie. With a steady pace we covered topics ranging from Cardinals secret beach workouts to Horns new longboard interest group and melted away a few miles in the process. Please text YJ for all prethang details if you are interested (there’s an application and he needs to know your long term intentions and previous prethang relationship history)

    Several more pax trickled in and we had a rock solid group ready to race.

    Warmup
    Started with a ear splitting cadence of 36 SSH to honor the bday of our resident beast Enron. Full back blast sarcasm aside here, Ronnie is a cornerstone of our pax , always exhibiting a tenacious spirit and has really progressed into a force to be reckoned with physically.
    Enjoy those well earned bday jucifers brother!

    We got back into a steady warmup when YHC heard a verbal altercation brewing.
    At only 2 minutes and 39 seconds into the beatdown Sheriff Deputy of Form Yankee Joseph found his first citation. Does proper form have an age limit? not for this deputy. There is no jurisdiction when someone does a half Side straddle. He is the Law.
    Little did he know the young Coyote is highly skilled in verbal jiuJitsu and in seconds had YJ questioning his entire form police career and presenting badge and gun to Goose.
    The dust settled and a Donnybrook was avoided , Goose threatened to hose us and we moved on.

    Indian run
    Classic Sea Shanty run
    Last man Drop off 5 diamonds merkins
    We ran to tennis court for two songs to set the mood.

    Da Tanggggg

    Part 1 : Swim
    Open Ocean Jam session

    Baby Shark
    YHC set the mood with this dark and foreboding tail.
    Burpee on Shark
    SSH on song
    On about the 3rd burpee we had our first casualty as the baby shark was clearly targeting the elderly blood in the water. Further investigation underway to see if a banana peel from Coyote was the murder weapon. (But seriously rest up Jeaux, the team needs you)

    Under the Sea
    Side shuffle
    Bobby Hurley on Sea
    This one got warm pretty fast and begin to set the stage for further cardio testing.

    Buddy System
    Partner up
    Both complete 20 2 is 1 flutter kicks sprint to tennis ball bucket. Ten merkins at tennis’s ball and sprint back. (About 50 yards away)
    We all ended up with 6 tennis balls per couple but Cuz did some weird Yee Yee math and said 5 so he and partner Frankenbeans took penalty burpees.

    Part 2 : Bike
    Indian Run #2
    We hit the road in search of our bikes.
    As we crossed the ditch Horn kept us entertained with a rendition of I believe I can Fly
    He ate that dirt sandwich with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. You can’t keep a good man down.

    Last man drop off for 5 2 is 1 Freddy mercuries.
    Frankenbeanz succumbed to a leg injury halfway through and YHC deployed Horn on a life raft to check in on the growing IR list.

    Bicycle Song at Tennis court
    Freddy mercuries on bicycle
    Leg raises on other parts
    Superfun(d) began to question the amount of sugar YHC had in his cereal.

    Part 3: Run

    Tennis Ball Suicide relay
    Split into two teams
    Must run full suicide to the bucket , get tennis ball
    Full suicide back to secure tennis ball at home base
    Team with most balls wins

    Back to the flag for a little Mary

    WetTap awarded the GiGi to Coyote for his resistance to the form police. I know Coyote is already busting merkins so he can look jacked in the GiGi next Sat.
    SuperFun(d) sent the Animal back to its originator as Goose continues to pound out 4000 Bonnie Blair’s and big boys per beatdown.

    COT and WetTap prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC is an over-analyzer by nature. If you lay out 20 reps of an exercise in front of me my brain says “ok 5 slowish, 10 regular then just kinda bob around till someone else stops. Full self preservation mode. Yet some of my favorite moments in F3 happen when the beatdown overrides the system. The intensity is cranked, sweat in your eyes, minimal mental processing, just you and your team stuck solidly in the present. One tennis ball at a time till there are no more.

    You can Try for yourself
    Try for individual gains
    Try for self recognition
    And you will feel good temporarily.
    But hidden in the secret sauce of F3 is the Try for others while the “Me” takes a back seat.

    Grateful for the men of F3 as we make each other a little stronger each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Show Up and Find Out – from Smooth Operator

    Show Up And Find Out

    Paradiddle, Pope, Goose, Paradox, Yankee Joe, Tana, French Horn, Smooth Operator

    After sending some slightly inebriated cryptic pictures as beat down hype, YHC was not sure what kind of turn out to expect. YHC showed up at the Den around 0415 to do a little levee scouting and rack up the ruck mileage for our May challenge. Around 0440, Paradox and YJ pulled into the parking lot and started pounding the pavement making circles around the reservoir. Pope and Goose were the next to arrive around 0450 and had the same intentions. 75% of the Smoothie Kings completed a mile and headed back to the flag. Tana arrived next along with French Horn, and Paradiddle seemed to appear out of thin air.

    Alright warm ups went like this:

    Side Straddle Hops
    Wind Mills
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks
    Arm Circles
    Self Love

    Yankee Joe like worrying about odd numbers so I threw in a 27 count of side straddle hops to make his noggin start hurting.

    I picked 3 people with a special connection to May 18th that I felt exemplified the 3 F’s of F3 and I broke them down into 3 Thangs. I also decided it would be a makeshift guessing game. So let’s get to it.

    Thang 1 (Faith)
    The first guy’s birthday was May 18th 1920.
    Through his Papacy he worked toward ending communism and building bridges to people of different religions.
    He was also a big fan of skiing.
    He is St. Pope John Paul the 2nd.
    Ole Yankee Joe got it right

    From the flag we went ahead and started with an Indian run which the last guy would be doing 5 genuflections while we ran 1 ½ times around the reservoir levee. From here we would be doing some levee climbing.

    We went ahead and did 10 Carolina Dry Docks on top the levee. Ran down the levee and did 10 WW2 sit ups. All of this took place on the front side of the reservoir between the reservoir and Hwy 20 for advertising purposes. All in all we completed between 5 and 6 sets and we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Thang 2 (Fitness)
    Our second guy’s special connection to May 18th was a little different. On May 18th 2004, This 40 year old threw MLB’s 17th perfect game.
    He was a 5 time Cy Young award winner and won a World Series with the Diamondbacks.
    He was also a member of the 300 win club and a 1st ballot hall of farmer.
    He is Randy Johnson
    French Horn got this one correct and knew a lot more about the big unit than anyone else did. T-Claps buddy.

    In honor of his perfect game we would run around the bases 27 times in sets of 6. In between sets we would be doing 10 Chuck Norris style merkins. Around lap 24 or 25 YHC had to call it due to time purposes. It was definitely not due to the stars and black dots that had started clouding YHC’s vision. After this we moseyed back to the flag to find out who our final May 18th guy would be.

    Thang 3(Fellowship)
    As DJ YJ set up the speaker for YHC, we started talking about another man born on May 18th. His birth year was 1952.
    He was dubbed the King of Country Music. After this one a lot of guess started flying. I heard Hank Williams, Alan Jackson, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. All wrong.
    He had 60 #1 hits over a 30 year period.
    He is George Straight.
    French Horn got this one correct also. Looks like that college education is paying off buddy.

    The first musical work out would be to the song Fireman by King George. Whenever the PAX would hear “They call me the Fireman” We would switch gears from mountain climbers to merkins.

    2nd musical work out would be the song Murder on Music Row by Alan Jackson and George straight. This workout would be done similar to the first song but the switch would be done on the phrase “music row”. The two workout were WW2 sit ups and Heels to heaven.

    After this song YHC called it at 0559. I had another musical work out planned, but it worked out for the best “A love without end, Amen” would have probably been a little awkward between ole Goose and Pope. From here we counted off one short due to Paradox cutting out 5 minutes early. We had announcements and Tana prayed us out.

    Total count for the May challenge was 150 Merkins, 100 WW2 sit ups, and 2 miles run.

    P.S. Around lap 18 or 20 of running the bases is when YHC realized that he was surrounded by 7 certified beasts. Y’all keep up the good work fellas. I hope one day I can get to y’all level of fitness.

    SYITG,
    Smooth

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Test – from French Horn

    Four Score and 7 years ago, the founders of our nation based the core values of our nation on brotherhood, democracy, equality(eventually we got there), and most importantly; athletics. The first presidential fitness test was started by the legendary Dwight D. Eisenhower, the GOAT of World War Generals. The test was discontinued in 2013 because the new generation of liberal snowflakes couldn’t take the sheer dexterity and tenacity required for such a task. I was the last of a dying breed, the last breed of young men who attempted this test, and the impact it left on me is incermountable. As so, I thought there was nothing better to begin my Qing career than this test of sheer manliness.

    It wouldn’t be a Horn Q if YHC was fashionably late. I shot in at a crisp 6:34 as the PAX were deep into a warmup led by Goose, the man with the golden bloodline. Awaiting me in the parking lot is a highly touted FNG Andrew, someone who I warned beforehand how different this is from the weight room; he was hard headed enough to scoff at me, he will see what is to come soon. As disciples of the great marketing professor Yankee Joseph the 2nd, we know a thing or two about highly thought provoking ideas. I thought the PAX would be excited and enthusiastic about this workout when they knew about the prize I had. The F3 world championship belt. Here we go:

    The Thang:
    A good beat down includes a song, and what better song to start a hot muggy summer than some good ole Pearl Jam.
    Song: Alive with air squats through the song until the chorus when therefore we burpee.

    The Test.
    Merkins
    Big Boys
    Coupons Curls
    Shuttle Run
    Augmented Mile Run
    Montana’s Choice(I gave tana man the choice of workout as he was the reason I’m here with you fine gentlemen, and I will be forever grateful for this unit of a human)
    Pull ups
    Mosey Back

    A nice session of mary concluded with Pope becoming the champion and Coyote as 2.0 champion. As I said before, Goose has thoroughbreds as children. Slots from Katy came in 2nd, a performance for the ages, massive respect for him as he came in and out in 110% effort and was a beast for all 60 minutes. I’m also rocking the Katy F3 sticker on ole Bessie as we speak(it’s fire). 3rd place was Dox, you can always expect Dox to compete and show off his grit and wherewithal. FNG Andrew did a little better than I expected, he was a fish out of water without his pre workout and creatine, but it meant a lot to me that my brother from another mother made the trip to come to my VQ, as well as being given maybe the best name in history, Frankenbeanz(already legendary). Special mention to Wet Tap, as the F3 version of Hulk Hogan(always winning brother) suffered a weird off day, which was escpially weird as the ole taking off the shoes trick didn’t go in his favor. The animal recipient was Paradiddle, the first time I saw him at a beat down and I was extremely impressed, T-Claps to my guy. Gigi recipient was Wet Tap, it really essintiates his biceps. All things considered the beast will continue to conquer. Prayer intentions and then Wet Tap with a strong prayer out.

    I wanted to end this blast off by getting a little personal. Growing up I was a chubby kid. I was always athletic and always wanting to be active, but I was always heavyset no matter what I did. When Covid-19 hit, I was encouraged by my friends to start being active again. And so I started running(Forrest Gump voice). By the time 2021 rolled around I was chilling at 190, down from 265 in May, a massive drop. I was encouraged and happy, until I wasn’t. My dad dropped dead offshore from an aortic dissection. It was the darkest point in my life. I started making bad life choices, not having a clear path or clear sight of where life would take me. Down to 165 pounds, I was literally close to my body shutting down from lack of food. Then I had that moment where I realized I had to change. I started going to the gym and bulking up, continuing to try my best to make my dad proud along the way. The last year has still been difficult, as my mom and I’s relationship has been very shaky at best. I really have no guidance or adult prescense in my life at this point, so I was trying my best to stay afloat, at this point worse than before. One day during that roughy time while working at CC’s, I saw the great drug dealer from Napoleonville BJ Antill sipping his cup of hot coffee in visible pain. I asked him what’s up? He replied,”Cinderblocks man.” I was instantly intrigued. Then the sultan of stocks Adrien Maught realized our mutual connection to BJ. It was then they both began recruiting me, and I can say, F3 has been a blessing. It has gotten me involved with a group of amazing guys and i’m in a setting where I can be myself and do things that I love. I love and appreciate all of you gentlemen, and I hope to continue to grow and improve myself as time goes on within F3. Thank you gentlemen for everything.

    French Horn

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Challenge – from French Horn

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-8zgfUK4szaMrEe3Cm7g8Stc-9dystwj6decwRhL8lY/edit

  • Baby got back – from Wet Tap

    F3 5/9/23

    YHC pulled up to the stage in typical fashion. Only to see as pair of familiar vehicles already there. It’s seems Enron and paradox are chasing ghosts in this May challenge. The quest for gold have them reaching for more hours in the day. I asked what’s going on, and he mumbled something from his hypoxic sweaty lips about midnight 30…? Hypercarbia is a b*%ch!

    Circle up for some warm-a-rama.
    SSH
    Grass grabbers
    BUTTKICKS
    IW
    Circles F/B/ CP

    It’s Tuesday- Merkin mile. 25merkins every quarter mile. I really dislike running. That’s why I do it. This group pushes!

    The history of high school and that dreaded theology of body / PE sex Ed gave us the week long baby experiment. What better way to scare a bunch of hormonal kids!
    This beatdown will have us hold and take care of our “ baby” (coupon).

    Thang 1:

    Farmer carry pinch hold the coupon around the loop. RH ONLY. Dropping you baby is a penalty of 25 curls.
    Rinse and repeat LH.
    CPS was notified.

    Rifle carry baby across the lawn and back.

    Thang 2:
    Gotta get things done when baby sleeps.
    50 merkins
    50 BBS
    50 curls to settle the baby.

    Rifle carry baby across lawn and back.

    Thang 3:
    Run the loop- random timer wakes the baby. Sprint back and 10 baby thrusters.

    Rifle carry baby across the lawn and back.

    Thang 4:
    We passed the test. Somehow, our little 35# of joy survived the beatdown.
    What do we do now? Goose belted out- toss it! Exactly. Coupon man-makers with a toss AFAHP across the lawn and back.

    Mary with some leg lifts, lbc, and FM.

    Cot with Tana to GiGi
    Animal goes to French Horn
    Prayers from Piccadilly

    Thanks to all who continue choosing to get up and get after it. The push to thrive in the suck is contagious.

    October2014

  • That’s No Moon… – from Paradox

    A long long time ago , in a Lions Den not too far away 7 pax assembled on May the 4th to defeat the mighty Death star.
    YHC would love to tell you we met this terror with a united pax but recent May challenge skirmishes have our x wings loaded with Ether and drawing lines in the Tatooine sand.

    Darth Ragnar Tana flew his silent Rav4Destroyer and met two of his JV crew from planet Chackbay. M2d2 and Cardinal3PO flexed in synchronized maroon ready to steal hundreds of points. YHC (palpatinDox? No? Ok I’ll keep workshopping it ) had his two Threat Level Midnight Allie’s, Ron Solo and DillyBaca ready to continue the force choking points party. Finally no defeat of the empire can occur without Goose Skywalker and His padawan Pope plus the trusted Yoda mat. (Wise to bring it , he was). We put aside our alliances for 45 minutes to bring peace to the galaxy.

    Duke! Put down that lightsaber and roll the bean footage!

    Warmup
    The usuals
    Tana continues to need a seminar on warmup protocol. I’ll be reaching out to his former educators for advise. This will definitely come up in todays Teams Call.

    YHC introduced the DeathStar

    5 stations dispersed along a roughly estimated .7 miles ish
    1: coupon curls at lion
    2: Stairs 20 merkins
    3: bench 20 bbsu
    4: dock 20 wide merkins
    5: tennis court 20 ww1 sit-ups

    Round 1
    Tour the stations All together mosey in between and get a feel for the enemy.

    Round 2
    Han Solo Mission
    Everyone on your own
    Pope took the title at 5:56 and secured the Animal performance of the beatdown

    Round 3
    Siths come in pairs
    Pair up and you can help your partner finish Reps buttt this round you have 40

    Round 4
    Defeat the Death Star as a team
    Team communication and effort to beat 6 minutes on the course.
    We sprinted to the flag for 6a, Saved the galaxy of Houma Thibodaux but we did perish in the blast by missing those last 20 star jumps. Just know that years from now when Yankee Jeauxbi One Kenobi tells our story at the Jedi Temple we will all be remembered as galactic heroes.

    COT and Dilly prayed us out

    NMM

    Coming together is a beginning
    Staying together is progress
    Working together is success
    – Henry Ford

    – Great morning seeing and feeling the progression from solo work, to pairs, to a full team push. YHC needs constant reminders of the strength of leaning on strong bonds during overwhelming times and I’m grateful to have you men as a safety net.

    See you in the gloom
    Dox

  • The Repeater – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to the Stage in the foggier than usual gloom at 5:05 only to see Smooth patiently waiting for arriving PAX as he completed his shift. His determination to attend beatdowns after a long 12- hour night work shift is always motivating. Next, Goose and his oldest 2.0, Pope, rolled in with the coupons in the back ready to go. Goose informed Pope on the drive over of the new team challenge he was volunteered (instructed) to be a part of. Most of our PAX have teamed up in 4s to join the Cleveland May Challenge, so this morning would be designed to gather as many points as possible. Also, creating a lot of repetition in the process. 3 more PAX rolled in ready to begin.

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, the rest of the usual.
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile – Mile run with 25 Merkins at every quarter mile. Giving the May Challengers 200 points for the entire Thang.

    YHC almost witnessed Goose get overtaken by Pope in the final dash to the finish, only to eventually use his man-strength to power through and hold him off. It’s only a matter of time. (I watched this from well behind them both as they had already blazed past)

    Thang 2: The repeater
    25 Coupon Curls
    25 Big Boy Sit-ups
    Run around the track at the Stage
    Rinse and repeat 8 times then mosey around the track until 3 total miles were completed for the beatdown.

    COT and Pope prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.
    SYITG,

    Enron

  • The Repeater – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to the Stage in the foggier than usual gloom at 5:05 only to see Smooth patiently waiting for arriving PAX as he completed his shift. His determination to attend beatdowns after a long 12- hour night work shift is always motivating. Next, Goose and his oldest 2.0, Pope, rolled in with the coupons in the back ready to go. Goose informed Pope on the drive over of the new team challenge he was volunteered (instructed) to be a part of. Most of our PAX have teamed up in 4s to join the Cleveland May Challenge, so this morning would be designed to gather as many points as possible. Also, creating a lot of repetition in the process. 3 more PAX rolled in ready to begin.

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, the rest of the usual.
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile – Mile run with 25 Merkins at every quarter mile. Giving the May Challengers 200 points for the entire Thang.

    YHC almost witnessed Goose get overtaken by Pope in the final dash to the finish, only to eventually use his man-strength to power through and hold him off. It’s only a matter of time. (I watched this from well behind them both as they had already blazed past)

    Thang 2: The repeater
    25 Coupon Curls
    25 Big Boy Sit-ups
    Run around the track at the Stage
    Rinse and repeat 8 times then mosey around the track until 3 total miles were completed for the beatdown.

    COT and Pope prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.
    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Oops, I Hit it Again…History of Baseball, Vol. 1.4 – from Yankee Joe

    Disclaimer:

    The following is a modified replay of a beatdown and blast from October 22. Thangs have been changed to protect the innocent. Butttt…since nobody is innocent, Duke can go ‘head and roll that bean footage like he’s Randall Floyd en route to buy Aerosmith tickets.

    In reality, YHC’s 2.3 got in and out of his crib 7,348 times, so yeah…modified re-run. Deal with it.
    —————————-

    Key Takeaways from The Morning:

    – This was a baseball themed beatdown and based on the throwing warm-up, we have a lot of work to do before we start riding up on our BMX’s and accuse folks of bobbing for apples in the toilet. Coyote and Pope were the only exceptions here. Our B-Rods as it were.

    – I think Dilly pointed out that Cardinal’s otherworldly crab walk talent apparently transfers to nurring. Seriously…the guy literally moon sprinted around the bases like his hair was on fire. Sha mon, hee heee!

    – While we’re on Cardinal, he was rocking the ANIMAL tank today. When I say rocking, I mean dang. This dude is ripped. I challenge you to find another man in the cloth with this brand of guns. Seriously…Contarini, Law, Richelieu…these Cardinals were fartsacking Crossfit workouts two weeks in.

    – Backward lunge walks are unnervingly difficult. Unless of course, you do them Picadilly style, then it’s more of a klaw. Yeahh…you get it.

    – A combined 800 reps of ab exercises was something. That said, Wet Tap’s grin seemed to grow with each rep, no doubt due to the turquoise euro trash tank showcasing his 12-pack mural of abdominals.

    – Speaking of tank tops, only Paradiddle could pull off wearing a Kenner dress shirt and Fidel Castro’s field cap…and still look cool. ¡Viva la Revolución!

    – Apparently, the best way to shut down Enron chatter is to talk about baseball. I assume this is because he’d rather play with his own stick, cradling it, swinging it, all to keep the ball in the head and then whack at other men’s sticks to get at their balls. (Lacrosse, people. Enron played lacrosse…sheesh.)

    – Ragnar Montana switched from man bun to a pony tail. It’s pretty impressive. Looks like an eternal flame over his head like the Presence at Pentecost.

    – Goose.
    ————————————-

    Warmarama

    Mosey to baseball field for pre game warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    High knees 15 yards, back
    Butt kick 15 yards, back
    Carioca 15 yards, back
    Extended nur 15 yards, back
    Warmup throw & catch with partner (In cadence)
    — Wild throw = 1 burpee
    — Dropped ball = 2 burpees

    ——————————————

    Chapter 1: 1830 – 1845

    How many perfect games have been thrown? 23

    There are many references that seem to allude to a crude predecessor of baseball as far back as the late 1700’s. In 1845, Alexander Cartwright, considered the true father of modern baseball and a member of the original New York Knickerbockers, wrote baseball’s first code of rules. These rules made up the core foundation of the sport we know today. Of note, you could no longer throw the object or ball at the opposing player to “put them out.” A shame, really.

    To celebrate Mr. Cartwright’s contribution in 1845:

    Pre-Thang 1: 1845’s
    – Bear crawl to first, 18 burpees;
    – Bear crawl to second 45 leg lifts;
    – Bear crawl to third, 18 Bonnie Blair’s (the hard way);
    – Bear crawl to home, 45 lbc’s

    ——————————————

    Batter Theme Song #1: Centerfield

    – Hillbilly squat walkers during verses
    – Bobby Hurley’s on refrain

    —————————————–

    Chapter 2: 1845 – 1903

    What is the distance between home plate and the pitcher’s mound? 60 feet, 6 in.

    In 1876, the National League was created. By 1901, the rules as we know it were instituted. In that same year, the American League was formed. In 1903, the first world series was played between the Boston Americans and the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Red Sox won. They won 91 games that season.

    In honor of that achievement:

    Thang 2: 91’s

    Lunge walk to first, 91 SSHs
    Lunge walk to second, 91 freddie mercuries 1:1
    Lunge walk to third, 91 LBC’s
    Lunge walk to home, 91 flutter kicks (2:1)

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    Batter Theme Song #2: Glory Days

    – Leg lifts during verses
    – LBC’s on refrains – try of 25 each refrain

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    Chapter 3: 1905 – 1945

    Who was the first team Babe Ruth played for? Red Sox

    By 1905, as baseball was being recognized as the national pastime, a commission was formed to investigate the true origin of the game. Was it based on the English game of “rounders” or the American game of “Old Cat?” It is during this investigation that Abner Doubleday mistakenly found his way into baseball founding history lore. His involvement has been firmly debunked over the past decades. Omaha missed the memo.

    Thang 3:

    Sprint relay race around bases; two teams; sprint in oppo direction (one pax toward first base and the other toward third.

    – Round 1: Normal Sprint – non runners are doing SSHs, winning team does 15 groiners; losing team does 15 burpees

    – Round 2: Nur – winning team does 25 leg raises; losing team does 100 LBC’s

    – Round 3: Backward lunge walk/frog hops – winning team does 15 bobby hurleys; losing team does 25 prisoner squats

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    COT, Cardinal bestowed the ANIMAL tank upon Pope…very well deserved. Tap passed the Euro Trash (I recommend calling her Gigi moving forward) to YHC. Fortunately, turquoise works perfectly with my complexion and sporadic back hair.

    Paradiddle prayed us out.

    Even though this morning was not a true original, I had a blast. YHC’s themes are a bit of stretch, and I appreciate the PAX playing along. You never know how it’s going to turn out, so you just jump in. As Yogi Bera once said, “The future ain’t what it used to be.” Respect and Gratitude for each of you.

    SYITG,

    Boston Joe out.