F3 New Orleans

Tag: Wilford Montana

  • The History of Baseball – Part 1 – from Yankee Joe

    With the Q first string out, Manager @Goose had to make a call to the Thibodaux Pax bullpen for YHC. @Paradox was on probation for administering performance enhancing beatdowns and @Enron was tied up in questionable contract negotiations. Apparently these negotiations required sandy beaches. Other key starters were also unavailable such as @Cardinal who was on his 73rd retreat over the past month. @Wet Tap, upon learning about Goose’s bullpen call, opened another Jucifer and decided there might be a work conflict.

    Goose’s call was a risky one. Yankee Joe has thrown some good innings, but his starts are not what you would call consistent. What with wrestling practice themes, to totaling mini-vans, to replicating Simba’s rise to power over Pride Rock…you just never know what version of Charlie Sheen you’re going to get.

    Upon setting up the beatdown, it was still gloomy. As I moseyed back to the flag, I saw a silhouette of an imposing figure carved out against blinding headlights of a parked car. As I neared, Lil’ Cuz came into focus. With his characteristic stoicism, arms crossed and looking pretty intimidating, he acknowledged me and simply said, “It’s cold.”

    From the parked car sketchily idling with headlights glaring, El Montana emerged sporting his F3 headband and the beginnings of his man bun. YHC is particularly excited about this development and it will assuredly only improve his pickle ball game.

    With 3 Pax and 6:30 quickly approaching, I raced through the beatdown in my mind making tweaks to accommodate an odd number of Pax.

    Then it happened. The red glow of dawn was creeping over The Peltch as a pick-up truck turned carefully and purposefully into the parking lot. It was a powerful vehicle, gleaming and blinding with the purest white. Like Artax boldly and majestically moving toward ‘The Nothing’, but there would be no Swamp of Sadness today. Who was this? Another visitor from a far off Pax? Did Wet Tap get a new truck? The door opened and seven feet of Toe Loop emerged. YHC’s first thought: I better step my game up and win one for the Gipper.

    On to the beatdown:

    It is the month of October, which means ‘tis the season of Reggie Jackson, Ted Williams, George Brett, and David Ortiz. In celebration of the best month in sports and inspired by Paradox’s history of the Burpee earlier in the week, YHC offered The History of Baseball: Part 1, broken down into three thangs.

    As Yogi Bera once said, “Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.” Sounds like an F3 mantra if there ever was one.
    ———————
    Chapter 1: 1830 – 1845

    There are many references that seem to allude to a crude predecessor of baseball as far back as the late 1700’s. By the 1830’s, the game of “baseball” was recognized as an official game in America. In 1845, Alexander Cartwright, considered the true father of modern baseball and a member of the original New York Knickerbockers, wrote baseball’s first code of rules. These rules made up the core foundation of the sport we know today. Of note, you could no longer throw the object or ball at the opposing player to “put them out.” However, you could still catch a ball on the first bounce for an out and pitching was still underhand. To celebrate Mr. Cartwright’s contribution in 1845:

    Thang: 1845’s
    – Bear crawl to first, 18 burpees;
    – Bear crawl to second 45 leg lifts;
    – Bear crawl to third, 18 Bonnie Blair’s (the hard way);
    – Bear crawl to home, 45 merkins
    ———————-
    Chapter 2: 1845 – 1869

    By the late 19th century, the game of baseball was an established pastime. In New York, baseball was a passionate and ruthless sport, both on the field and between owners. In 1869, the first true professional team, the Cincinnati Red Stockings were founded, and to this day remain the only team in major league history to technically go undefeated at 57 – 0. To honor this achievement:

    Thang: 57’s
    – Mosey to first, 28 burpees
    – Mosey to second 29 freddie mercuries the hard way
    – Mosey to third 28 flutter kicks (4 = 1)
    – Mosey home, 29 burpees
    (total of 57 burpees & 57 core exercises)
    —————–
    Chapter 3: 1869 – 1905

    In 1876, the National League was created. By 1901, the rules as we know it including overhand pitching, three strikes, and foul balls were instituted. In that same year, the American League was formed. In 1903, the first world series was played between the Boston Americans and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Of course, the Americans, predecessors of the Red Sox, won.

    By 1905, as baseball was being recognized as the national pastime, a commission was formed to investigate the true origin of the game. Was it based on the English game of “rounders” or the American game of “Old Cat.” It is during this investigation that Abner Doubleday mistakenly found his way into baseball founding history lore. His involvement has been firmly debunked over the past decades. Omaha missed the memo.

    Thang: Bear-ducken Baseball (an official trademark of Yankee Joe)

    Set up on the baseball field, all Pax must hit, pitch or field in Bear Crawl or Duck Walk position. One Pax pitches the ball to the batter (in bear crawl or duck position). Upon hitting a fair ball, batter sprints around the bases. Pax fielders must chase the ball down bear crawling or duck walking. Pax fielders have two relays/throws to tag home before batter scores. If the batter wins, 5 burpees, Pax fielders 10 burpees. If Pax fielders win, 5 burpees, Pax batter 10 burpees. If the ball is caught in the air or in one bounce, pax batter 25 burpees, pax fielders 25 merkins. Continue until all pax have batted (approx. 3 min per at bat).

    —————-
    Batting Line-up

    Montana was first up. He was standing at home plate. YHC reminded him that he needed to be in BC or DW position. He looked at YHC and quietly said, “I’m getting there.” Then he did what only one man has ever had the gumption to do. Yes…he called his shot to left-center. He then got down into DW position and like the Mighty Casey, took a monster swing…and whiffed. However, on the second pitch, Montana delivered on his promise and launched a satellite into orbit. Lil’ Cuz literally (and unbelievably) duck walked…nay, duck sprinted for 30+ yards, retrieved the ball and nearly hit the cut off man to put Montana out.
    ——————
    Up came Toe Loop. Back to back giant men towering over the plate even in DW position. Toe Loop drove the ball hard. Cut-offs were hit by Lil Cuz to YHC for bang bang play at the plate. When the dust settled, Toe Loop was doing 10 burpees. This man, barreling along the bases…I could only think of the fear his Division 1 hockey opponents felt seeing this freight train bare down on you with full pads, helmet, steam rising, ice shavings flying, and of course, holding a giant hockey stick. Needless to say, YHC talked very respectful trash after the play.
    ——————-
    Third, YHC. First pitch, foul ball. Second pitch, diving swing (and a miss) laid out on the ground – Strike 2! Third pitch, pop fly to left. Lil’ Cuz in what can only be described as a cougar leaping in the air to latch onto the wildebeest galloping by, laid full out only to have the ball glance off his hand. He recovered, duck sprinted and threw a dart to Toe Loop. YHC beat it by a hair. But folks, Lil’ Cuz’s jiu jitsu athleticism is something to behold.
    ——————–
    In clean-up, Lil’ Cuz strode up to the plate. As would be expected, he drove a hard line drive right up the middle. YHC was able to corral it, but not without hurting himself in an ungraceful tumble and roll. I’m not sure what happened after that as I was looking for the trainer to take me into the concussion protocol tent.

    Game over.

    Some Mary and Yram, including lots of Superman pulses, Australian Snow Angels, and Superman sun gods.

    Montana prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I appreciate you showing up today and going along with the crazy. There was no chatter, and everyone pushed hard through what at the very least, included 130 burpees and over 300 yards of bear crawls. As always, it was humbling and inspiring to suffer next to you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • PAX vs the Kraken – from Paradox

    IPC Week 5

    6 PAX boarded the pirate ship today to defend our turf against the mighty Kraken.
    After warmup and a discussion about new exercises we dove in.
    (check the F3 Greenwood site for a full IPC 5 breakdown)

    Goose and Wet Tap came out the gates hard and fast slashing tentacles and setting an impressive pace. Wet Taps ability to merge his hands with a 40 lb cinderblock and make it look like a pillow is becoming a thing of legends. YHC and Enron anchored the middle crew with loads of peer pressure and using the buddy system to complete Bonnies Blair’s and Jungle Boi’s. It was clear Enron was regretting those 2 pre-Thang Burpees but he eventually got to 102 on the day if we are keeping the Cardinal Burpee Venmo fund accurate. At this point the Kraken was staggering from our blows but still hammering us with the relentless emom Kraken burpees. What the Kraken didn’t know was that we had saved our 2-man secret weapon for the final death blow. Superfun(d) and Montana got the boat to ramming speed with a tremendous push on rounds 4 and 5 to put a spear though the Kraken heart.

    Great performance as a group to all finish under 45 minutes.

    Wisdom was provided by Captain Goose and 40 burpees were completed during the Kraken victory feast.

    COT and Enron (on 2 liters of oxygen) prayed us out.

    Respect to F3 Greenwood for putting us through the ringer this month and even more respect to our new guys SuperFun(d) and Lil Cuz for starting this wild ride in September.

    The IPC month has been a humbling experience, but iron has definitely been sharpened with the Thibodaux Pax.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • “But Coach Siri, My Quads, My Hammies…” – from Goose

    YHC pulled up to see Enron doing burpees out by the highway, waving at cars and showing them on his fingers the number of reps he had done. It didn’t take him long to tell me that he had done 25 already, and after my questioning the wisdom of trying to chip away at the daily 100 before knowing what the beatdown had in store, he said, “Well, I mean, surely there won’t be more than 75 burpees.” YHC just shrugged and said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    After a warmup of the usual (backs were tight) with some additional mountain climbers to get the burpee muscles warm(er), YHC announced 11’s: burpees at the stage and Big Boi Situps at the opposite sidewalk, nur there and run back.
    Yankee, Joe was immediately overcome at the idea of running through the sprinklers and involuntarily sprinted to the minivan. Upon arriving, he regained his senses and began to reflect on the shaming he would endure and the potential name change if he peeled out of there at that moment, so he gathered himself and moseyed back mumbling something about needing to change his shoes. The sprinklers weren’t too much of a problem, though some added a couple hundred extra yards of nurring in an effort to avoid wet pants.

    After a nice, long recovery mosey, it was time to kill the rest of those burpees with a 5 minute EMOM of 10 burpees (10 burpees every minute, on the minute for 5 minutes = 50 burpees). It had been a while since YHC had included a burpee EMOM, and I couldn’t remember who was there and who had joined since then. That became very clear, however, after minute three as the usual shock to the system that comes from a new routine being much, much harder than it looks on paper began to set into most of the PAX. (YHC has since decided to wait until closer to the end of the month to introduce the more traditional 10 minute EMOM.).

    After enough oxygen seemed to be circulating through most of the PAX’s cardiovascular systems, it was time to move on to the virtual Dice of Doom inspired by Paradox’s amazing, homemade dice, revealed on Saturday. For this one, we would use Siri (“Hey, Siri, roll the dice.”). Siri, as we know, is just a mindless computer generating random numbers, but my phone is set to Irish Siri, who, as we discovered this morning, is a very different person. She seems to be much more interested in a no pain, no gain, relentless punishment, disciplinary sort of approach, and it seems she has a thing for Bonnie Blair, who may have Irish ancestry. Maybe Siri was preparing us for Krakken Thursday (there were a lot of merkins, too). Maybe she could feel Yankee Joe, Enron and Paradox getting proud of their physiques after this past month’s shenanigans and felt the need to inject some good old fashion humility. Or, maybe she could feel Montana’s potential exploding through the roof, and wanted to fully capitalize on his ability to grow right now. Or, maybe she could feel his head swelling after Paradox shared his unfiltered admiration for his newly muscled backside. Either way, not even YHC, with Q-drenaline running heavy, could keep his composure during the brutality that Coach Siri delivered.
    The first dice was the number of reps x5 (so. 1=5, 2=10, etc.), and the second dice gave us the exercise:
    1=merkins (ended up with 50 in a row)
    2=squats (only once x15)
    3=wife pleasers (not nearly enough)
    4=mountain climbers (a little more than enough)
    5=LBC’s (never happened)
    6=Bonnie Blairs (60 in a row at one point, 2 is 1)

    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out (thanks, bro).

    We completed a total of 105 Burpee‘s during the beatdown, and with Enron’s extra 25, some ideas were thrown about creating a burpee trust fund for Cardinal with the use of some sort of Venmo-type app for sharing and distribution.
    It was clear that Yankee Joe’s emotional disturbance and flight instinct hadn’t fully left him as he nearly took out a few neighborhood cars trying to escape the parking lot. But the mumblechatter later in the morning on the ISI channel proved that he is still very much in the game.

    Heckuva job, fellas, and thanks for joining me in what was a killer push this morning. Love being connected with you guys at our weakest and at our strongest.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • IPC Week 3: The Backblast – from Goose

    YHC and Coyote rolled up to The Peltch a little early to measure out how far down the road we’d be running this morning. The atmosphere was thick and muggy, which only confirmed that it would be a painful one. But, having surrendered to it, and knowing we were not going to be grinding through it alone, we found ourselves rejoicing at every car that pulled into the parking lot, as if each additional PAX would somehow divide the pain among more of us.
    6:30 came quick, so we were off to the warmups: the usual with some additional mountain climbers to prep for the many burpees and man-makers to come.

    Moseyed with the blocks down the road to the area in the grass off the road exactly 200 meters from the gate. The playlist was a thing of beauty, if I may say so, and the timing of the songs couldn’t have been better (like “Livin’ on a Prayer” coming up at exactly “halfway there”), and Anker performed well. The inspiration of the music added to the inspiration of doing this for a fellow PAX who had lost his wife (accentuated by the heart-wrenching video shared on our GroupMe of the surprise candlelight vigil that his region arranged for him). The exercises were as follows:
    5 Rounds of:
    -20 overhead coupon presses
    -20 burpees
    -20 coupon curls
    -20 V-ups
    -20 goblet squats
    -13 man-makers (burpee with coupon)
    -400 meter run (to the gate and back) with an extra 400m run at the end of the 5th round
    This added up to 571 total reps, the number of days his wife fought pancreatic cancer before passing away.

    YHC didn’t expect that any of us would finish, especially with the longer warmup and the time it took to mosey with the blocks to the beatdown area. So, as we could no longer delay the inevitable, Michael Jackson kicked us off with “Bad”, and like pushing off from the top of a scary waterslide, there was no turning back. The experience of 20 burpees and 13 man-makers was as life-sucking as expected, and YHC found that the decision to just keep going without measuring what was left in the tank had to be made many, many times.

    YHC was buoyed by Montana, Cardinal, and Lil Cuz’s never quit attitude as well as the long-term tenacity of Enron and Yankee Joe. Coyote seemed to be enjoying himself, as usual, his mind in his happy place as he distractedly did what might resemble curls, presses, etc. After three rounds, YHC checked the watch and saw there were about 20 minutes left, and after some fatigue math, figured it might actually be possible to finish close to 7:30 if I pushed, though that wasn’t a very attractive option. Yankee and Enron weren’t far behind, so I knew the decision to finish at all cost wouldn’t just affect me. But, whatever song came on at the time reminded me why we were doing this, so if pride wouldn’t get me across the finish line, a suffering brother would.

    The 7:30 alarm went off, giving all who were on a tight schedule a reason to stop. YHC had four man-makers and 800m to go, so the decision to finish was an easy one. Yankee Joe wasn’t far behind, but it was the decision by the rest of the PAX, especially Montana, to accompany YHC on the final 800m run that was inspiring and greatly appreciated. Enron provided the push for the final sprint, and then we all collapsed like dead bodies scattered on a battlefield. The oxygen that seemed to have been in short supply up to that point tasted as sweet as food to a starving man, and we gulped it hungrily and gratefully.
    Slow moseyed to the flag with blocks on shoulders, COT, and Yank prayed us out.

    Mumblechatter afterward revolved around the unprecedented bio data, which was collected by what is still a variety of devices. This one was definitely a memory maker. YHC is extremely grateful for the men out there today and their willingness to dig deep, which is what it takes to forge true and lasting brotherhood. Honored to be joined with this crew in the trenches!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Stupid is is Stupid Does – from Goose

    Armed with his trusty Anker, YHC rolled up to The Stage to a solid crew that included the newly minted Lil’ Cuz and an FNG from Cardinal’s parish in Chackbay (which was somewhat overdue for the king of EH-ing). After a lengthy disclaimer and a warmup of the usual, Anker was fired up, and YHC explained the culture of epic movies back in the day. When a big budget movie came out, everyone saw it dozens of times, quoted it for years, and it defined culture for decades. Though that happens more rarely these days given the glut of video media produced, YHC though it important to dive into one of the greatest epics of the 90’s, Forrest Gump.
    Using highlights from the soundtrack, we took a trip with Tom Hanks through the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, with a different exercise for each song (each played to the end, Paradox) as follows:

    * Hound Dog: Mountain climbers for the duration, 2 Carolina Dry Docks on “hound dog”
    * Walk Right in: Imperial Walker’s for the duration, prisoner squats on “sit right down”
    * Land of 1000 dances: Q calls different core exercises (cuz of all the dances), 100’s on “Na-nas”
    * Blowing in the wind: burpees for the duration, rest on refrain (How many burpees must a man throw down, before he can break for oxygen? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind…)
    * Fortunate Son: Chinooks for the duration, genuflection on “It ain’t me”
    * California Dreaming: SSH for the duration, Bonnie Blairs on “California dreaming” (2:1–you know, cuz she’s a speed skater…on ice…”on such a winter’s day”)
    * For what it’s worth: side plank, Mission Impossible plank for refrain, then switch sides (elbows in, Montana!)
    * Volunteers of America: bear crawl in a circle, switch to crab walk at “revolution” (once per refrain)
    * Let’s get together: Partner 1, back plank, feet on the back of Partner 2 who’s high planking, switch on refrain
    * Turn Turn Turn: wife pleasers, switch to J-Los on “Turn, Turn, Turn”, then back to wife pleasers, etc. (required some Q tweaking to even it out).

    The Pax enjoyed commentary comparing the lack of creativity in lyrics from the 50’s and early 60’s to Lil’ John’s “Turn Down for What” as well as Lil’ Cuz’s rookie realization that songs used in beatdowns are forever ruined and have to henceforth be removed from all playlists. Thankfully, most of these weren’t on any of his playlists.
    Count-off and name-off, including the naming of the FNG, which required an explanation as to how F3 names work, though Paradox wasn’t there for the standard example, so Enron had to suffice.
    Welcome to the crew, Super Fun! Excellent work, especially in having to approach a group of strange, middle-aged men standing in a circle in the dark and letting another man put his beefy, sweaty legs on your back. Looking forward to seeing you out there Saturday!
    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.
    Thanks for posting, gents! It’s an honor to be joined by you in the gloom!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Just Wait Until This Year – from Yankee Joe

    A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.

    Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.

    By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.

    High Country Chatter:

    – Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
    – Bosé up in this piece
    – Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
    – Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
    – Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
    – Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
    – Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
    – Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.

    Warmarma:
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Wrist circles
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Arm stretches
    Imperial walkers
    Grass grabbers
    Mosie

    Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
    – Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat

    Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)

    Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.

    Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
    – 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)

    Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.

    Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
    – Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
    – P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
    – Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
    – Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.

    Painful Reflections Playlist:
    Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)

    Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)

    Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
    – Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
    – BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
    – Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
    – Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)

    Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.

    359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.

    I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Teamwork Gumbo- Add Burpees to Taste – from Paradox

    One of the many beautiful things about F3 is that beatdowns come in all flavors. Some are slow cooked for that low heat quad burn. Some, pan fried in zoysia and leave you needing 2.5 gallons of Rouses water to lick your wounds. Others, heavy on the spice , with unknown ingredients mixed in ready to ambush you at every dollar store cone. Saturday’s beatdown needed all our pax ingredients to blend together in a synergistic gumbeaux of team building exercises
    It went a little something like this….

    Recipe for Teamwork Gumbeaux
    1 cup extra crispy Yankee Joe , variable beard length for extra masculinity
    1 oven roasted Goose , dark meat or white meat you’ll find the form impeccable
    3.18 micrograms of Spicey Enron powder (kinda like a knock off Tony Chachere’s ) to challenge the palate,- works well on slow 10 counts
    1 complaint free twice baked Perclelator , Chackbay imported only
    1 tightly wrapped Wet Tap , 10 merkins before cooking or the chest meat will be gamey
    1 Kilo of unmarked everchanging vehicles to keep the recipe fresh
    1 sprinkle of Chocolate Montana Thunder to keep the fasting glucose below 300
    1 lb of freshly chopped Piccadilly,  imported from Houma
    A dash of Coyote so we have a benchmark for speed
    A spread of Pope to keep us young and humble
    Blend all together in a roux of burpees and squatsPreheat your Peltier Park Oven to 92 , adjust to max humidity and cook for 1 hour
    Serve hot and Bone app the teeth cus it always goes down smooth

    WarmUp

    The usuals plus a few added reps while we welcomed Kilo and Montana to the fray. (T claps to Montana for his first Peltch experience)
    Got started with a Black snake Indian run with the last PAX dropping for 10 ssh.  JBL dialed up Eye of the Tiger and was thumping to keep the intensity high. PAX came out of the gate strong with speed and tenacity. Set the tone and didn’t let up. This led us to the tennis courts. 

    With a goal of solidifying pax unity before our fundraiser event YHC had some teamwork training in mind today.  First step was to identify the key pillars of an effective team then immediately put them to the test. 

    Thang 1
    Mutual respect for your teammates

    Aretha Franklin taught the boys some RESPECT
    IW on song , Squats on “just a little bit “ , Burpees on “Respect “
    Followed by a Mini ladder – 10 reps of the following exercises with descending burpees From 7
    Ranger merkins
    Elbow plank jacks
    Squats
    Peoples chair arm raises
    Easy merkins (wide)
    Carolina dry
    Terrible merkins (diamond)
    Coyote continued to challenge the land speed record for mammals and Yankee Joe kept the mumble chatter to a simmer which was his lowest possible setting. – T- claps to Goose for watching out for PAX safety on those net jumps. May have to modify those if they tighten the net. 

    Mosey to ThunderDome

    Thang 2

    Communication, Accountability and Trust
    YHC welcomed PAX to the Burpee minefield where we will build communication or suffer the consequences.
    Pax holds plank on the surrounding rectangle with scattered cones in between. 
    send one pax through blindfolded
    if he knocks over a cone , 5 squats
    Decrease time each rotation as communication improves . Goose , Montana, Wet Tap, and Coyote ran the gauntlet safely. Great teamwork and flexibility here as the PAX learned to let the next man down the line control the instructions as they are closer to the action. Penalties were minimal.

    Thang 3
    Mosey To big field For Conflict resolution training Via JBL and Anker. If you’ve been following the bayou pax backblasts you may know about this storm that’s been brewing. The feud between pax bluetooth devices has been long, bloody and flooded many well planned beatdowns with chaos. Every great team must be challenged with internal conflict. But how you respond to the conflict seperates good from great. With this lesson in mind YHC extended an olive branch to Team Anker with a goal in mind…. Pax destruction via a two headed bluetooth hydra spitting fire , thumping tubs, and striking thunder in the hearts of the pax. 

    Split into 2 teams. one to Anker, one to JBL roughly 100 yards apart
    When your team does 3 burpees run to the other song
    High knees on song
    Sprint between devices
    JBL played ACDC ,  burpees on thunderStruck
    Anker played TubThumping
    burpees on “get knocked down”

    All YHC will comment here is that an anonymous tip of Whoop data was submitted later that day with HR spikes to the 190s and unprecedented strain. 

    We put it all together with a mission to advance the kettlebell to the 100 yard cone
    All Pax in single file, pass kettle bell behind you while in al gore
    Last man takes kb and lunges to the front hands off , does 5 squats
    Every time you hand off the kb, do 5 squats. Brutal quad burn.

    Mosey back to the flag for Special Musical Mary
    With our teamwork training complete we felt like a cohesive unit , cueing up Feel so close by Calvin Harris: Alternate freddie mercuries on the chorus with wife pleasers , penguins , LBCs, big boys, flutter kicks. A great burner and the effort here was tremendous. 

    COT and Enron prayed us out 

    1 week until the SV 500!! The Stage is set and Sponsors are filled! . Check out Slack or Facebook for more info. Come see us Friday night for a burger at the Stage as well. 

    Grateful for you men and the strength we have when locking shields together
    . Thanks for the freedom to lead. 

    SYITG

     Paradox

    ◦

  • Circle of Life by Yankee Joe – from Goose

    The Circle of Life

    Recently, after acquiring his first set of progressive eyeglasses (let’s be honest…they’re trifocals), YHC had been reflecting heavily on his life journey thus far. In keeping with the melodramatic pondering that is called a “mid-life crisis,” YHC called on the wisdom of Mike Tyson.

    While exploring the pivotal issues of his day, Iron Mike once observed, “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.”

    Indeed, Michael, indeed.

    But what does this have to do with the Circle of Life? Just this…when you find yourself at the pinnacle of your life’s AS-cent, you are only moments away from biting ears and solving Scooby-Doo style mysteries on Adult Swim.

    In the depths of this brooding, the miniature Yankee Joe’s discovered “The Lion King” (the original version, of course…because I’m not a monster!) That broke YHC out of his funk and led to a more light-hearted backdrop to an otherwise dark beatdown.

    After doing a practice runthrough of said beatdown, YHC decided that cinder block coupons were not…well…safe. Thus, YHC showed up with 5 gallon jugs of water (albeit useless) handles. Paradox would later point out that there was a “sneaky psychological angle” in wanting desperately to drink the water. He did not, however, voice this concern during the beatdown as that would almost certainly be considered high-country mumblechatter. I digress.

    Notable Mentions:

    – Montana back in action. A drug dealer with tinted windows just makes this better.
    – Cardinal continues to dominate bear crawls in ways that YHC simply cannot understand and can only aspire to achieve.
    – A peace offering in which Paradox (chief lobbyist for JBL) chose to support Bosé in an awkward moment
    – Goose=Beast
    – Enron asked YHC to be his partner for the St. Vincent’s 500. YHC said yes.

    6 PAX at the Stage

    Warm-up:
    The usual suspects with some – apparently very challenging – wrist circles, then mosey around the track.

    Thang 1: Young and Hopeful

    – Absolutions (Groiner, Mahktar N’ Diayes, and Chilly Jack, done on an 8-count cadence); As always, thanks to Goose for maintaining the sanctity of the proper Exicon terminology
    – On the concrete; OYO for the duration of “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” (3 min.)
    – Real men should be able to complete 34ish reps. YHC is not a real man.

    Thang 2: You must crawl before you walk…or for that matter, before you do lunges with coupons

    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); army crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); zombie crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); bear crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); lunges back to start; 5 big boys
    – High skips WITH coupon, 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); high skips back to start; 5 big boys
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); 5 big boys

    Thang 3: In Your Prime
    – For the duration of Hakuna Matata (3 min, 33 sec)
    – With coupon, continuing step ups on ledge in stage pavillion, alternating legs
    – With coupon, 5 squats on every Hakuna Matata

    Thang 4: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return” Gen 3:19

    Reverse Thang 2
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 5 calf jumps; 5 superman raises
    – High skips WITH coupon, 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises

    Mary’s…kinda sorta

    – WITH coupon; Assortment of what began as four ab exercises for the duration of “Circle of Life” (4 min), alternating randomly at the discretion of the Q.
    – WWII sit-ups, big boys, flutter kicks holding coupon high, obliques
    – At some point, Enron decided to point out that YHC was not transitioning in the order that it was explained. YHC then added superman raises (with coupon) and American hammers. Enron then further rebelled by not doing superman raises because he allegedly had no skin on his left knee from army crawls.

    As YHC continues to learn the ways of the Force, he must become better at explaining thangs and keeping up with Goose.

    Gents, thanks for keeping YHC in his Prime and out of the fart sack.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe