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  • Providence and Classics for the New Guys – from Goose

    YHC was excited about the potential for record breaking numbers at the Houma location, Lumen Christi, including a unique FNG: priest #2 for the Bayou PAX! (Fr. J.D. Matherne, pastor of St. Hilary in Raceland will heretofore be known as Cutthroat!). However, at 5:45am, with what sounded like a Category 3 outside the house, YHC was scheming hard about how to boost morale in the howling wind, the pounding deluge of rain, and lightning popping all around. I knew that with this relatively new crew, we couldn’t break one of the major principles of F3 this early in the game, so gear was donned and prayers were said as YHC prepped to walk out into this mother of a storm.
    Thankfully, things changed quickly, and not only did the rain let up, but the sky cleared and revealed a gorgeous sky (and eventually a full rainbow!). Even the ground was relatively dry (besides some slick patches of clover, which left some PAX eating turf when bear crawling down the hill). Morale was extremely high with little to no effort as the PAX continued pouring in for this young location. Ultimately, there were 8, a record, and the warmup commenced:

    Warmup: all IC–20 Side Straddle Hops, 20 WindMills, 15 Arm Circles (each way), 15 Moroccan Night Clubs (shimmy included), 20 Self-Love, 20 Imperial Walkers, 10 High Knees, 10 Butt Kicks

    Thang 1: Dora 1, 2, 3
    YHC wanted to make sure these guys get some solid experience of the classics, so we started with a standard partner Dora wherein partners split 100 Hand Release Merkins, 200 Apolo Ohno’s, and 300 American Hammers. For the first 100, partner 2 ran backward up the hill (Nur) and forward back down. For the second, it was run up and bear crawl down (clover is slick!); and for the third, crab walk up and run down.
    At first, YHC inadvertently looked pretty smart to Enron and a few others knowing Ohno’s middle name, but then Cutthroat ruined it by revealing that for a decade, everyone only ever heard all three names (Apolo Anton Ohno). But, YHC turned the tables in the next Thang (Cutthroat, you don’t know NOTHIN’!!)

    Thang 2: Double Song Power!
    Moseyed to the hill with the cross and pulled out “Flower” by Moby–hold Al Gore for every “Sally down,” and only come up for every “Sally up”. It’s a thigh burner, and a favorite of YHC, especially for new guys–an added element is that if they can guess the lyrics, we stop. They never do. FNG hopes are dashed on the rocks of ignorance, and it’s nobody’s fault but their own.

    Song 2: Chumbaburpee! Another favorite since it’s one of the rare times that burpees are a yearned for break from something unexpectedly worse. Side straddle hops for the duration of the song, and burpees for every “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” Side straddle hops for that long are pretty torturous at the end of a long workout, so flopping down to the ground almost feels good. Except at the end (20 burpees in a row).

    Classic Indian Run back to the flag for some Mary: in an effort to continue to grow the PAX’s knowledge of the Exicon, everything with a ridiculous name gets priority. All IC x15: Crunchy Frogs, LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, J-Lo’s.

    COT and Elmer’s prayed us out. Welcome, Cutthroat, and thanks be to God for a gorgeous morning and a great group of men!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • Bringin’ em Kids to Church – from Goose

    For only the third ever beatdown in the Houma area, a record five PAX gathered, anticipatorily subdued, in the gloom on Tuesday morning on the top of the hill at Lumen Christi. It didn’t take long to get the mumblechatter going, though, once Paradiddle showed up in a fly tanktop in sub 60 degree weather. YHC sadly lamented all the tanktops his M talked him into tossing not long into marriage, and then commenced the warmup.
    PAX: Tighty Whitey, Elmer’s, Picadilly, Paradiddle, Goose

    Warmup: (all in cadence) 20 side straddle hops, 20 windmills, 10 arm circles (fore, then back), 15 cherry pickers, 20 self-love (Michael Phelps), and 20 Imperial Walkers.

    Theme: Taking little ‘uns to church.

    Thang 1: From the parking lot
    Short mosey to the truck where official F3 coupons (stenciled cinder blocks) awaited. Partnered up to become married couples (or a throuple in one case) working to get the kids and their gear from the parking lot into the church.
    Partner 1 farmer carried two coupons (baby carrier, diaper bag, what have you) while the other did five big boi situps (bigger kids tying shoes, falling down, etc.) before running to catch up and swapping with Partner 1. Once arriving at our destination on the other side of the lake, we realized we got the service time wrong and it was already 3/4 of the way over, so rinse and repeat back to the top of the hill (the next closest church), but this time dying cockroaches instead of situps (kids on the ground throwing tantrums).

    Thang 2: Taking loud kids to the back, and forth
    Down by Souby Hall, just outside the huge windows for all inside to watch (just like at church when you have to leave with a screaming child), PAX completed a set of 7’s. At one end, started with 6 flutter kicks (tantrum) before backward-lunge-walking (genuflecting to the altar) to the other side for 1 goblet squat (squat with coupon held under the chin, like trying to quiet a 30 pound baby with sharp, concrete corners). Then, lunge walk forward (genuflecting to the altar) and upon arrival, completed 5 flutters (next tantrum) and repeating with 2 goblet squats on the other end and so on until 1 flutter and 6 squats.

    Thang 3: Sporadic Prayer
    In the same area, PAX completed a Jack Webb. (In full transparency, YHC took some delight in what seemed to these newer PAX to be a quick, harmless ascending ladder of 1 merkin and 4 air presses starting at 1:4 and ending with 10:40. I mean, how heavy can air be?) It was like the age-old pattern of getting down and dealing with squirmy kids, and then standing and praising the Lord for a few seconds before needing to get low to quell more squirmage. Needless to say, air is very, very heavy, and praising the Lord takes some serious effort sometimes.

    Thang 4: Back to the vehicle
    Rinse and repeat Thang 1, but 10 Freddy Mercuries on the way out (2 is 1), and 5 burpees on the way back. Finished at exactly 45 minutes, grateful for the chance to finally put the kids (I mean coupons) down and go home to take off those darn high heels and put our feet up. It was hard, but it was worth it!

    Thanks for joining, fellas, and for seeing the value in pushing hard on a Tuesday morning!
    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • “Dual”-Ing Birthdays with Bogey & Hokie – from Hokie

    Frac, Boo-boo, Slinger, Firefox, ShortBus, SOGO & Douille joined Bogey & me for our birthday party

    Warm Up
    12. ABE VIGODA for December
    28 ARM CIRCLES 14 F & 14 B
    19 GRASS GRABBERS
    68 Shoulder Taps 1 is 1 (for Bogey’s birth year 1968)
    53 SSH OYO – 1 is 1 for Bogey’s age

    Low, slow bear crawl to the arch

    Cubbies for 28’s
    Hand Release Merkins
    Squats
    Irkins
    Left leg Step ups
    Derkins
    Right leg step ups

    Mosey back to flag for 62.53’s
    6 & 2 at the flag and 5 & 3 at the Arch

    6 Hand Release Merkins &
    2 burpees

    5 jump squats &
    3 T Merkins (2 is 1)

    Rinse & Repeat

    Handoff from Hokie to Bogey at the halfway point…

    Mosey to stairs
    1 incline Merkin on 1st step… 2 on 2nd … onto 7 at 7th (28 total)

    Pause for 6 left pistol squats & 6 right leg pistol squats
    28 Monkey Humpers
    28 calf raises

    Rinse & repeat 4 times up the stairs

    5 burpees

    Traverse down the stairs with 7 dips “dumpers” on 7th step, 6 on 6th… 1 on 1st (28)

    Pause for 6 left pistol squats & 6 right leg pistol squats
    28 Monkey Humpers
    28 calf raises

    Rinse & repeat 4 times down the stairs

    9 burpees (1959)

    Mosey to flag for Mary

    LBC’s with pause at 53 and then continue to 62.

    28 dying cock roach

    Close with Wank Lazy Boys