F3 New Orleans

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  • Swamp Crawlin’ – from Goose

    YHC knew that today would be tough after yesterday’s push with Cardinal to complete the Yankee-Jerf-Lee Challenge at The Stage in time to get him to say Mass without mud on his face. And, we also needed some warmup for Week 0 of the Iron Pax Challenge to be completed on Thursday morning. So, with the truck loaded with coupons, YHC moved slowly and trepidatiously (behind the usual creeping vehicles on Main Project Rd.) to Schriever Park. Simultaneously, Goats in the Machine was traveling to The Stage with dreams of sweaty brotherhood dancing in his poorly mistaken head.
    Due to the slow traffic, YHC arrived exactly at 6:00 to meet Enron and do a poor job of unloading the truck, which required a second trip through the mire to get the bug spray and the coupons. That’s when Elmer’s pulled in hot, saying something about slow cars and a snotty baby. So, warmup commenced at 6:06, which ended up being a merciful gift of providence since six more minutes may have been the death of us.

    Warmup: the usual routine, but added a never-before-seen-in-Thibodaux exercise that was a favorite on the Northshore–Good Mornings: hands behind the head, stand up straight, and bend over at the waist as far as possible before coming back up again. Fires up the lower back muscles to get them warm and flexible, for they would be much abused today.

    Thang 1: Swamp Crawlin’ and Coupon Ploppin’
    Partner Dora of the following exercises: 100 coupon thrusters while partner bear crawled the length of the fence (at the back of the tennis courts, near the playground, in the mud) and ran back; 200 coupon curls while partner bunny hopped through the mud and ran back; and 300 coupon rows while partner nurred through mud and back. Gloves and socks were muddy, and the coupons made a satisfying plop as partners flapjacked.
    The thrusters were to prepare for Thursday morning’s ridiculousness (some pre-trauma trauma), and the curls were to keep the Jerf-Lee routine strong, though Enron seems to remain completely unfazed by any and all coupon curls. Even Elmer’s, with his beefy carpenter arms, had to bow to the finance wizard’s steely biceps.
    At some point during this routine, Goats drove by honking wildly on his way to Mr. Ronnie’s (I’m assuming) after showing up to a dark and empty Stage at 6:05. (Cardinal and Yankee Joe were able to respond quickly to his GroupMe plea for help–well done, fellas.)

    Thang 2: Thunder-dome
    With very little felt energy left in the tank after the Dora (thrusters are truly the worst), YHC knew the mental battle was just getting started. Anker was activated and AC/DC echoed through the mini-Thunderdome with pounding rhythm of “Thunderstruck”. PAX instinctively started Imperial Walkers and dropped for burpees at every “Thunder”. They didn’t even have to be told–they felt it. We began to feel a number of other things as the song continued, such as the desire to tell Ozzy to shove it and just end the song already, and ideas for how to travel back in time and remove Imperial Walkers from the Exicon.

    Slow moseyed back to the flag for some Mary and to get mud on the parts of us that weren’t muddy yet. COT and Elmer’s prayed us out.

    It’s been awesome to see so much engagement and drive moving into September with the Yankee-Jerf-Lee and the Iron Pax Challenge, not to mention potential resurrection from Goats, Gordon, and the newly minted Toe Loop. Looking forward to some serious growth!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Breakdown of the Human Mind – from Goose

    YHC has noticed that toward the end of particularly brutal beatdowns, even simple brain activity, like remembering your own name or age, can be a challenge. So, this morning, YHC decided to take up that challenge with a combination of a ladder routine and a memory game. (Props to Percleator for first introducing this idea).
    At 6am, YHC thought maybe this idea would have to wait for another day as I sat alone in the Schriever Park parking lot, but then Elmer’s showed up at 6:01 with all those colored hoses flapping out the back of his truck and his young brain ready to be put to the test.

    Another soggy warmup of the usuals followed by a sidewalk mosey to the bleachers where we traversed up and down in careful fashion using the following modes of transportation: crawl bear up, bear crawl down, crab walk up, walk crab down, klaw (walk backward) up, klaw down. These looked good on paper, but those bleachers are spaced awkwardly, and they’re slick when wet, so, though careful balance was practiced, the heart rate remained low.

    Moseyed the rest of the sidewalk trail to the tennis courts for Memory Fest. YHC started with one chosen exercise, then Elmer’s led that exercise followed by one of his choosing. YHC led those two, then added another, etc. The challenge was to remember each exercise in order, along with their given rep count (which varied) before adding your own to the ladder routine. The penalty for forgetting was 10 burpees, and then we’d start from scratch.
    These ladders, like all ladders, were challenging; they definitely kept the heart rate up and the sweat stamps fresh on the court. We got through two stacks, both ending with Elmer’s botching the rep count (though YHC’s mental accuracy wouldn’t have lasted much longer if he hadn’t).
    Ended with some Mary and COT where we both remembered our names after a period of reflection. It was good to have some 1:1 time with Elmer’s, and the incoming storm kept the temperature down with a nice breeze, so YHC is grateful for a great morning. Nothing like suffering through a solid beatdown with good men!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Uncultured Swine – from Goose

    Four uncultured swine joined YHC in the muddy pig pen of Schriever Park for a lesson in classic America. After a warmup of mud straddle hops and other favorites, we moseyed to the mini Thunderdome for our first piece.

    Aaron Copland was an American composer whose famous music has been used in movies and commercials aplenty, but not before they stood on their own as powerful, moving experiences of what makes America great.

    The first would be “Fanfare for the Common Man” during which partners took turns doing step up merkins on the picnic tables (plank, up to bench, merkin, up to top, merkin, down to bench, merkin, down to ground, merkin) and plank jacks. Flapjack after each up-down.

    The second would be “Rodeo” (made famous by the “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” commercials in the early 90’s), during which partner 1 did Super Marios (box jump onto bench, and then onto table top) and partner 2 did Imperial Walkers. Switch after every rep.

    The third piece was “Appalachian Spring”, which is a tune now used for a number of different hymns and other songs. For the duration, partner 1 did 10 Big Boy Situps and partner 2 did LBC’s while waiting for him to finish, then flapjack.

    After this last Copland piece, YHC led the PAX on a mosey to the tennis courts, Anker speaker and phone still in hand, which caused more than one PAX to boldly claim to know what was coming next. But, we all know what happens when you assume…you get your ass kicked for the duration of the 1812 Overture (about 15 and a half minutes).
    Although the 1812 Overture was written by a Russian for Russian reasons, it’s been commandeered by the US of A for use in Independence Day fireworks displays, Caddyshack, V for Vendetta, and paper towel commercials. We used it for a seemingly unending 4 corners routine.
    Each corner of the tennis court was assigned a different exercise, and reps started at 1 per corner for the first go round and ascended by 1 every other time around. Corner 1: burpees, Corner 2: air presses, Corner 3: squats, Corner 4: heels to heaven. Anker’s quality was vilified as it worked hard to compete with the highway traffic and the feelings of being ganged up on, but in the end, partially due to Enron’s slow mosey, the last note sounded just as we completed the tenth round. T-claps to all the PAX for pushing hard to stay together as a unified group for the whole thing!

    Though shoes were soaked and muddy, the rest of the PAX’s clothes had not yet been dipped in the mire, so YHC saw fit to remedy that with some Mary around the flag. Cardinal protested verbally and physically with some interesting wife pleaser modifications, but all performed these last exercises with courage and strength. And, though we walked away muddy, YHC thought he saw the slightest glint of a new-found depth, of cultured dignity, in the PAX’s faces as we emptied the parking lot.

    Thanks for joining me in the gloom and the mud, fellas, and for putting up with my BS!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Bleepin’ Progress! – from Goose

    Four PAX made their mark in the swampy grass at Schriever Park this morning as the initial side straddle hops squished deep ruts around the flag. But, if YHC is gonna get up at 5am to go jump in the mud, I’m grateful it’s with these HIMs.

    After a briefer warmup than normal, we moseyed to the mini Thunderdome to get really warm with a classic: “Baba O’Reilly” by the Who; Imperial Walkers for the duration in rhythm with the 5 minute song. That one doesn’t seem to get any easier.

    Now that the legs were warm, we moseyed to the tennis courts for the continuation of the dreaded Bleep Test saga. This time the PAX was challenged to push for two more lengths than last week’s max out, and YHC promised we’d only do it once this time for maximum effort. It was Elmer’s first time, though his superhuman effort (despite PTSD from his middle school experience) really changed the dynamic and pushed Cardinal and YHC to do more than we probably would have otherwise. Nice work, Elmer’s!

    Stayed on the tennis court for some figure 8’s. PAX started at one corner, and in a single file(ish) line, bear crawled and side shuffled a figure 8 pattern (up to the net, across, up to the opposite baseline, across, back to the net, across, back to the baseline, and across back to the start). Vertical lines were bear crawls, and horizontal lines were side shuffles for round 1, all facing forward, which meant it was crawl bears for the trips back toward the baseline. Round 2 was the same principal, but with crab walks, carioca, and walk crabs. Cardinal dominated, per usual, with all things crab walk, and an F3 Olympics was discussed as a way to showcase this natural dominance. (Research is being done into what anatomical anomaly gives him such an advantage, or whether performance enhancing drugs or genetic grafting with a crab are involved.)

    Next, we finished with some Dora 123 utilizing the bleachers and the dry, spongy surface of the playground. While Partner 1 hammered away at 100 Big Boy Situps, 200 Leg Raises, and 300 LBC’s, Partner 2 ran to the bleachers and ran up and down them for the first set, 5 box jumps for the second set, and 5 derkins for the third set. We had to stop at 150 LBC’s for time and so that representatives from the Terrebonne Parish Parks and Rec Dept. didn’t come after us for the muddy rut we were digging between the playground and the bleachers.

    Moseyed back to the flag for COT and prayer led by Elmer’s. Great appreciation for the brotherhood this morning and the willingness to truly take ownership of the common suffering.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A New AO? What the BLEEP?? – from Goose

    After Lumen Christi told us their retreat schedule was getting too packed to let a bunch of rowdy, burpeeing, snake biting, HIMs run around the otherwise quiet and reflective property every Tuesday morning, YHC made a quick hunt for a solution. The first choice was Schriever Park, and after making a visit on the way home from work, it was clear that it had great potential: playground equipment, benches galore, bleachers, baseball field, large fields of grass, and tennis courts. So, at 6am, 5 PAX hesitatingly made their way through the gate and into a new frontier. It doesn’t have an F3 name yet, but it certainly delivered this morning, and all were in agreement that we’d be back next Tuesday. (A little PTSD always keeps you coming back!)

    Warmup: When YHC didn’t start with SSH, the PAX had to pick their brains up off the grass, but it was premeditated; it was necessary. After starting with windmills and going through the rest of the usual routines, this time including high knees and butt kicks, YHC revealed that we’d be finishing with 29’s. It’s like 21’s, but today is Cardinal’s last day to be 29, so the theme was set.

    29’s: PAX do 29 SSH in cadence, but only the first 7 are counted out loud. Then, the rest are completed in silence, but if all the PAX didn’t stop exactly on 29, there would be a 10 burpee penalty. With 5 PAX, YHC was sure there would be burpees, especially with Enron’s tendencies with numbers. But, in one of the cleanest, most dramatic endings YHC has ever seen, all PAX stopped dead at exactly the same time. It was beautiful. It was inspiring. And we felt really good about ourselves for the last time that morning.

    Bleacher crawl merkins:
    Moseyed over to the baseball bleachers where all PAX crawled up one bleacher at a time completing three merkins (irkins) on each. Then, turned around and did the same thing coming down (headfirst, so three derkins on each).

    “29 Ways”:
    Moseyed to the Thunderdome 2.0 (smaller covered pavilion, but reminiscent of the large one at The Peltch). Played the song “29 Ways” by Marc Cohn, a favorite of YHC’s growing up and perfect for the day’s theme: 6 inch hold for the duration, leg raises on every “29”, and Hello Dollies for every “door” and “more”. This definitely ranks in the top 5 hardest songs this crew has done.

    BLEEP Test:
    YHC hadn’t heard of this until digging through the Exicon last night, but it seems like it’s a generally well known fitness routine/performance test. Using a Bleep Test app that beeps at shorter and shorter intervals over time, the PAX lined up on the tennis court and ran to a line 20 meters away at every beep. Anyone who couldn’t make it to the line before the next beep was “out” and had to complete continuous rounds of 29 squats, 29 air presses, and 29 toe touches until there was only one PAX remaining.
    The first few beeps were easy enough and gave the PAX plenty of time for a quick breath between runs, but that didn’t last long. It became clear pretty quickly that speed wasn’t what was needed for victory–it was oxygen. So, after one round, YHC reset the timer and lined us up for a second–there’s only one way to get better at this!
    We discussed future plans for all PAX to PR, then test again a few weeks/months later to mark improvement. Ought to be fun!

    29 burnout:
    Moseyed back to the Thunderdome 2.0, and in cadence, completed the following on the picnic tables: 29 L Leg stepups, 29 Freak Nasties, 29 R Leg stepups, 29 Irkins, 29 alternating stepups, and 29 Derkins.

    Moseyed to the flag for some Mary: 29 LBC’s IC, 29 Penguins IC, and 29 Big Boy Situps OYO (because Cardinal will be a big boy tomorrow!).

    COT and prayer with gratitude for a cool new AO, and on our way out, a walking couple stopped us to ask who we were. The guy was a Marine and law enforcement vet, and he was fired up to see us out there. Turns out, he’s also a pastor at a local Baptist church, and the likelihood is high that he’ll be FNG-ing soon, hopefully with some of his congregation to follow!

    Thanks for following my lead, guys, and for grinding it out today!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Coupon Love – from Goose

    YHC was too lazy to unload the coupons from the truck after yesterday, so we used them again this morning. A lot.
    PAX: Paradox, Paradiddle, Elmer’s, Tighty Whitey, and Goose

    Warmup: SSH, WM, AC, IW, SL, all while staring at the ominous pile of blocks on top of the hill.

    Thang 1: Hazy 8’s
    Partnered up at the bottom of the hill for three rounds of the following:

    -Round 1: Partner 1 did 8-count body builders until Partner 2 rifled carried his block up the hill, did 12 overhead presses, and carried it back down. Flapjack.

    -Round 2: Partner 1 did figure 8’s (swing coupon around and through the legs in a figure 8, switching hands; like with a basketball, but it’s heavy concrete with sharp corners–many jokes about clearance), while Partner 2 ran to the cross at the top of the other hill and completed 10 genuflections before running back. Flapjack.

    -Round 3: Partner 1 did Dr. W’s (8-count ab exercise–look it up), while Partner 2 did Block and Bear (bear crawl while dragging the block between the legs/arms every few steps) up the hill and ran down. Flapjack.

    Thang 2: Indian Running with a Rifle

    PAX lined up for an Indian Run, but the man in front kept a block overhead in rifle carry position until the last man in line did 5 merkins and caught up to relieve him. It was great. We’ll definitely revisit that one.

    Thang 3: Bridge of Coupon Hate, Tunnel of Coupon Love

    -Round 1: PAX on their backs, shoulder to shoulder, handed all five blocks over, conveyor belt style, back and forth a few times.

    -Round 2: PAX got shoulder to shoulder in plank position and pulled the coupons through the tunnel with one hand, and then back through with the other. Rinse and Repeat three times.

    We filled the last 5 minutes with Colt 45’s, Bolt 45’s (15 curls/goblet squats respectively from mid to high, 15 low to mid, and 15 low to high) and some Mary: gas pumps, LBC’s, wife pleasers, Australian sweat angels, and Scuba Steve’s.

    COT with lots of details on the upcoming St. Vincent 500 (Aug. 12-13 at The Stage) and lots of sizable prayer intentions. Tighty prayed us out.
    It was an awesome experience breaking these guys into some new coupon work and grinding them out together. Thanks for joining, fellas!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • What time is it? Hill:30 – from Goose

    A solid five PAX climbed the hill on another beautiful morning at Lumen Christi, awkwardly quiet at first about YHC’s choice of a smedium Superman shirt (with velcro cape). Why? Getting dressed in the dark? Delusions of grandeur? No, just cuz it’s stupid, and it might distract a little from what we were about to endure.

    Warmup: the usual faves–SSH, WM, AC, cherry pickers, IW, self-love

    Thang 1: 30’s
    YHC had some exercise ideas, all utilizing the hill, but we needed a theme. The date was 4-26-22, so for the first Thang, we just added 4 + 26 to get 30. That’ll do!
    Round 1, nonstop: 15 Hand Release Merkins at the bottom of the hill, then run over and 15 at the other side; 15 jump squats at the bottom, 15 on the other side; and 15 big boy situps on each side.
    Starting to love the hill! So, Round 2, nonstop: 10 Hurpees (hand-release burpees) at the bottom, 10 at the top, and 10 on the other side; 10 Bonnie Blairs at the top, 10 at the bottom, and 10 back at the top; then 10 crunchy frogs at the other side, at the top, and at the bottom.

    Thang 2: 52’s
    Now that we felt intimately connected to the hill, we chose to remain there and added the number of the year to the total (4 + 26 + 22 = 52), partnered (and throupled) up to complete the following, Dora fashion:
    52 Hurpees
    52 Step-ups on the picnic bench (2:1)
    52 shoulder/toe taps (plank and tap each shoulder and each toe = 1)
    While Partner 1 hammered away at these reps, Partner 2 ran up the hill backward and back down forward (though after the hurpees, we switched to running forward up and down).

    Mary: 20 leg raises, 20 wife pleasers, and 30 penguins.
    The cape remained velcroed in place throughout the workout providing many performance enhancing benefits despite early mumblechatter suggesting otherwise.

    COT and Paradiddle prayed us out. Lots to pray for, and lots to be grateful for. Thanks for posting, fellas, and for pushing hard together!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • Lieutenant FNG – from Goose

    YHC pulled up to Lumen Christi this morning to a crowded hill crest–Cardinal brought three FNG’s who were excitedly awaiting the flag planting, and, I think, expecting that they’d probably be able to outperform Cardinal and whatever other old guys who might show up (ha!). The three young’uns are two seminarians and one prospective seminarian, and they certainly showed some interior fortitude this morning by sticking with it the whole time with smiles on their (sweating, dirty) faces.

    Warmup: side straddle hops, windmills, arm circles, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, self-love, and 50 Moroccan Night Clubs IC (waiting for Paradiddle to join–it took a while).

    Thang 1: Lieutentant Dans
    I had to ask the young PAX (only Picadilly is as old as YHC) if they knew who Lt. Dan was. Thankfully, these fellas are cultured, and they were able to pull out the famous quote immediately (“Lt. Dan, you ain’t got no legs.”)
    We moseyed to the bench by the small pond, and starting there, moved toward the last bench on the shore of the big lake using the following mode of transportation: 1 squat to 2 lunge walk steps (2 squats, 4 lunge steps, 3 squats, 6 lunge steps, etc.). It felt successful given the sincere statements of hatred directed toward YHC as we neared the finish line.

    Thang 2: Bench Work
    Gave the legs a break as we squeezed seven medium to large men onto three benches for two sets of 20 freak nasties, 15 irkins, 10 derkins. The form on the dips may have been compromised a bit for the FNG threesome due to the formidable wingspan of the soon to be Uncle Rico.

    Thang 3: F3 Poker
    Figured we’d give the Houma guys a taste of the official F3 Deck of Death–the more we can connect them to the bigger picture of F3, the better! So, YHC dealt 5-card stud, and the winning hand was the workout set for the whole PAX. Got through two hands, and was able to introduce them to Monkey Humpers, Smurf jacks, Chuck Norris merkins, Ranger Merkins, and what 100 side-straddle-hops feel like after doing Lt. Dans.
    For the second of two hands (both won by Picadilly, interestingly), Jokers and Dueces were wild, and the winner included a Joker, which YHC explained should be assigned a ridiculous exercise. So, we ascended the hill via crawl bear (backward bear crawl). The key was to keep the flag in sight between your legs so you don’t veer off, take small steps, and pretend you’re anywhere else but crawling backward up a hill.

    Finished with enough time for some solid Mary: Crunchy Frogs, leg raises, and wife pleasers (since they had been mentioned before as the second most dignified exercise, monkey humpers being number one).

    Count off, name off, and we provided new identities to Donut Day, Econoline, and Uncle Rico–welcome fellas! These guys did a great job pushing themselves for their first beatdown, and we’re looking forward to what God has in store for them!

    See You In the Gloom,
    Goose

  • All Around the Mulberry Bush – from Goose

    Three PAX gathered for another gorgeous morning on the hill at Lumen Christi after YHC came rolling in two minutes late (still figuring out how to pad time for lines of extremely slow trucks on bayou highways). So, no time was wasted jumping right into some SSH, WM, AC, SL, IW, high knees, and butt kicks.

    Thang 1: All Around the Mulberry Pond

    Moseyed to the edge of the small lake and partnered (throupled) up.
    -Round 1: Partner 1–Nur (run backward) while Partner 2 completes 5 flutter kicks and then sprints to catch up and take over nurring. Partner 1 then drops and does 5 flutter kicks before sprinting to catch, etc.
    -Round 2: Partner 1–carioca, Partner 2–5 scuba steve then sprint to catch
    -Round 3: P1–lunge walk, P2–10 mountain climbers then sprint
    Not easy, but not as hard as expected, so we added a nice, long 3-person Indian run back to the bottom of the hill.

    Thang 2: Jackass Webb
    Each PAX did ascending ratio of 1 donkey kick to 4 air presses up to 10 donkey kicks and 40 air presses. Fun! Donkeys were looking pretty lame toward the end.

    20 left leg step-ups followed by 20 right leg step ups before heading up the hill for some serious, non-stop Mary: gas pumps, big boys, flutters, wife pleasers, penguins, dying cockroaches, Nolan Ryans, and Jane Fondas.

    COT and YHC prayed us out.
    Grateful for the camaraderie and the beautiful weather. Thanks for pushing, guys!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • And, For The Next Round… – from Goose

    Spared once again from forecasted rain, four PAX gathered on another unexpectedly beautiful morning to top the hill and plant the flag at Lumen Christi. YHC had designed this particular beatdown around Paradiddle’s recent comment revealing a desire for more running (and probably less hill crawling). Alas, there was no Paradiddle, but his absence was honored by a beatdown filled with both running and hill crawling.

    Warmup: SSH, Slooooooww Vigodas (after yesterday’s lumberjack trauma), arm circles, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, self-love

    Thang 1: Sticky Ninjas

    YHC had a good time coming up with a new way to move the PAX up and down the hill. With fond memories of those little plastic ninjas with sticky hands and feet that you throw against the wall and watch them crawl/flip down, the PAX made their way down the hill via 180 crawling arcs with one hand or foot fixed in place. Right hand stays put while the rest of the body crawls down in an arc around it; then, left leg, then left hand, etc. Picture bear crawl or plank position, spinning slowly down the hill with one hand stuck in place until a full 180 arc is completed, then switch to the next foot, etc.
    Going down was kind of fun. Going up was a different kind of fun… Definitely keeping that one in the back pocket!

    Thang 2: Round and Round We Go:

    Round 1: While each PAX takes turns running alone around the big lake (about a quarter mile), the rest complete continuous sets of 7 jump squats, 7 merkins, 7 LBC’s. Once all PAX have run…

    Round 2: PAX run two at a time around the big lake, the rest completing continuous sets of 5 burpees, 10 plank jacks, 15 flutter kicks. Once all PAX have run…

    Round 3: Each PAX runs around the lake alone, and the rest complete continuous sets of 15 squats, 10 dying cockroaches, 5 Maktar’s (plank walks). Sent the last two together so we’d have time for the final event.

    Thang 3: Imperial Walker Dance

    For the Duration of “Baba O’Reilly” by The Who, PAX did Imperial Walkers in cadence with the rhythm (some PAX’s rhythm is better than others, especially toward the end). The song lasts exactly 5 minutes, which was enough time for an in-depth lesson on all things CSI from Cardinal. YHC had no idea that all three CSI series used Who songs for the them (Baba O’Reilly was CSI: New York). Cardinal’s favorite is CSI: Miami because the main character is his doppleganger, but with cooler sunglasses.

    COT and prayers for families. It was a great morning! Thanks for being out there, fellas, and for sticking with it!

    See You in the Gloom (SYITG),
    Goose