F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Stage

  • My Everything hurts! – from Wet Tap

    6-3-24

    My everything hurts

    Early Monday morning YHC woke to the eerie feeling of my legs not being sore. This couldn’t be right. It was as if I’ve neglected this area for far too long. Almost as if a hybrid vehicle showed up at my door blasting showtunes and carrying Yankee, Montana, Goats, & Gordon. Things were just out of sorts.

    This began the mind wander to build a beatdown that would fix this atrociousness.

    Warmarama was quick and to the point
    SSH WMH High knees/butt kicks (suckle-style).

    Thang1.
    Partner up and complete a Cindy mile. When partner one had enough, he’d hand off and perform 10 burpees, partner 2 graciously accepts and completes 10 thrusters before moving on. Goose and Pope proved yet again to be from the same loins. The ferocity of these 2 are unmatched. Popeye and YHC weren’t far behind but consciously paced ourselves for what lies ahead.

    Thang2.
    With music in the agenda and a box that’s on the IR, YHC went high school and just started the truck and opened the doors. Classy and Cool. It fit the age as we belted out Pray by McHammer. We circled up and did genufections on “ pray” all while schooling Pope on the litany of classics by McHammer and the absence of parachute pants in todays society.

    Thang 3.
    Best crawl a lap around the stage.
    Lunge walk a lap around the stage.

    Simple and dreadful.

    Thang4.
    Ring of fire.
    100 Merkins
    100 coupon swings

    Thang5.
    On your 6.
    Toe taps over coupon ( left-top-right) 25

    Mary
    Wife pleasers. European and American versions
    BBS
    Crunchy frog
    LBC

    COT
    prayers for Goose’s new Gosling. And the health of both the M and he.
    The M’s attending ACTS.
    And the health of family and friends.

    Yet again, Thanks to those who come out and suffer willingly.

  • Hurting You is the Last Thing I Want to Do…But it is Still on the List – from Goose

    Dad jokes, like F3 exercises, require growth, maturation, hard work, and development. You can’t just expect to roll in with your sad-clown puns and expect that to check the “dad” box. Your kids, your wife, your friends, and the culture as a whole need more from you. It takes work, time, practice, and the ability to persevere through the piles and piles of cheesy, one-dimensional groaners to find the ones that communicate to your audience: “You’re worth more.” This morning would be a Dad Joke Intensive.

    After a warmup of the usuals, which got the sweat flowing freely in the bagass infused mugginess of The Stage, YHC suggested gloves despite no coupons and led the PAX to the Loop of Wealth. At the first light post, where all devious plots are revealed, YHC explained that a dad joke would be introduced at each light, and if the PAX was unable to come up with the punchline, we’d all endure a 10 merkin penalty. That was it. For the whole beatdown. We made it around the mile loop, and then headed backward to go around again. The hopper was loaded with winners (mostly), and YHC knew it would take a while to wake up the multiple levels of humor and creativity necessary for the true Dad joke aficidonado.

    Despite having some solid minds in the bunch, the PAX was clearly not ready for the heights we would be achieving today. Merkins flowed freely for quite some time before Tap started to catch on and work the old noodle a little harder. Honeysuckle, Valve, and Dox weren’t far behind, but the engines were sputtering for most of the run.

    It took the following two-liner before the message finally sunk in that we came to work:

    “Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station…

    Investigators have nothing to go on.”

    Dox was the first to figure out that you can’t just repeat one of the 20 dad jokes that you see on every list ever and think you’re doing your job. When you hear, “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” Don’t come with “Because 7 ate 9.” That’s wasting people’s time. You gotta come with something like, “Because 7 was a registered six offender.”

    The first break was earned by Honeysuckle, who came close enough on the following:

    “I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing form his job as a road worker…

    But, when I got home, all the signs were there.”

    So, YHC had to step it up a bit and bring it to the next level–you can’t go completely ridiculous, but Dad has to have an Ace up his sleeve. He has to come from somewhere completely unexpected, but still somehow make sense, at least a little:

    “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend…

    Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

    (And…10 merkins)

    The PAX picked up on the “unexpected angle” pretty quick and started to look for multiple directions, or misdirections. All four dads pulled out the punchline for the following and got a needed merkin break:

    “If people stood shoulder to shoulder around the equator…

    2/3 of them would drown.”

    Honeysuckle (or was is Dox?) even came up with a percentage that was almost the exact number. It was impressive.

    Somehow, though, most still got by them and they kicked themselves for missing some of the more direct ones, like:

    “Dad buys a universal remote and says…

    ‘This changes everything!’”

    or

    “A chicken coup only has two doors…

    If it had four, it would be called a chicken sedan.”

    There were a couple that came easy, though, like:

    “Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans.”

    But, there were still a few that were guaranteed merkins. I mean, we came to work out, right?

    “My drug test came back, and it’s negative…

    My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”

    or

    “I like to spend every day as if it’s my last…

    Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me my pudding.”

    Some were chosen just because YHC wanted to share what’s universally recognized as pure dad joke genius, like:

    “What do you call it when Batman skips church?

    Christian Bale”

    or

    “What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.”

    As we rounded the last few curves, we were skipping lights in order to get back to the flag on time. This was helped by Tap getting in a groove and nailing a few in a row, like:

    “So what if I don’t know what ‘Armageddon’ means…

    It’s not the end of the world.”

    And, we ended up finishing one minute late with the appropriate:

    “There are three types of people…

    Those who can count, and those who can’t.”

    All said and done, the PAX got 15 out of 48 correct, which meant we did 330 total merkins over 2 miles. With the distraction of the dad joke project, the merkins, though not easy, were not the focus, so we stacked them much higher than most of the PAX realized with what felt like moderate effort. Except for Pope. He knew all the jokes already, so all he was focused on was the merkins. He spent every light post run trying to use Jedi mind tricks to get the answers into their heads, dreading the impending merkins, while the rest giggled their way through what would have otherwise been a grinder.

    I’ll leave you with just a few more gems that didn’t make the cut, but should have:

    “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot.”

    “This is my stepladder…

    I never knew my real ladder.”

    “I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”

    You’re welcome. Keep working hard. Your loved ones need you.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Where’s the Beast?? – from Goose

    Last night, Wet Tap posted a hype GIF with Belle asking a mirror to “Show me the Beast!” What we didn’t know was that he was trying to tell us that that’s exactly what we’d be doing this morning as 5:15 rolled around , looking for the Beast. But, the Beast was nowhere to be found, unless you count when Smooth, took his shirt off about halfway through (big, hairy, grunting). YHC assumed that Tap was either enjoying a testosterone induced sleep or stabbing some early spines, so we began a warm-up with a none-too-excited PAX while formulating the first thang of what would be stereotypically difficult round robin.

    YHC took the first thang, an inevitable Dora consisting of everyone’s favorite four exercises: 100 Merkens, 200 curls, and 300 big boy sit-ups; partner runs a lap around the track. It was supposed to be 200 situps and 300 curls, but Popeye really wanted to get to those curls, so the abs got a little more attention this morning.

    Popeye Q’d next, thankfully, with a little more creativity. Each man took a turn murder bunny-ing across the field and running back while the rest of the PAX stayed and did an exercise AMRAP of the traveling man’s choosing. Pop started us off and assigned Apollo Onos. YHC assigned Toe-tappers, Lil Cuz gave squats (what are those?), Smooth doled out suicides, and Pope followed his lead with side shuffles. Then once all PAX had traversed the field, Popeye put the icing on the cake by having all run the half lap to retrieve the coupons, do five man-makers, and murder bunny back to the start.

    Now, it was Little Cuz’s turn, and after a couple of much needed 10-counts, he decided to take it easy on us. Wait, no, he didn’t. Per usual round robin dynamics, he would not be outdone, and matter-of-factly stated that we would each be doing 100 Merkins followed by a little bit of Mary. Thankfully, the Form Police, though brought up in conversation, did not make an appearance this morning, and we finished with a couple of minutes holding 6 inches.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out.

    It was so good having Smooth Operator back in the mix! Pope may be able to say “OK” just like him, but nobody can replace the uniquely awesome mix of tenacity and humility that he brings to the group. Keep it up, buddy!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • F3-GPT – from Cardinal

    YHC had concocted an idea for a beatdown that had been percolating for a few months now, just waiting for the perfect time to reveal itself. With the explosion of AI chatbots this year, the seed was planted – could ChatGPT craft a killer beatdown?? I mean, it’s got an internet archive treasure trove of backblasts to read. YHC would never have to be creative, or panic at 11pm the night before, again!

    Before committing to the idea, though, YHC had to make a promise to himself – whatever ChatGPT gave would be the beatdown, no edits. So below you’ll find for your reading pleasure the full, unedited response to YHC’s prompt, “Create a 45 minute F3 beatdown.”
    —————
    Certainly! Here’s a **45-minute F3 beatdown** that you can use for your workout. This routine is designed to challenge you and work your entire body. Feel free to modify or adjust it as needed:

    1. **Warm-Up** (5 minutes):
    – **SSH (Side Straddle Hops)**: 20 reps
    – **Good Mornings**: 15 reps
    – **Arm Burners**: 10 reps
    – **High Knees**: 20 seconds
    – **Butt Kickers**: 20 seconds
    – **Merkins**: 10 reps

    2. **4 Corners Circuit** (15 minutes):
    – Set up four markers in a square or rectangular shape (e.g., tennis courts).
    – Complete the following exercises at each corner, then run to the next corner:
    – **Round 1**:
    – 10 Merkins
    – 15 Squats
    – 20 Plank Jacks
    – 6 Burpees
    – **Round 2**:
    – 15 Merkins
    – 20 Squats
    – 25 Plank Jacks
    – 8 Burpees
    – **Round 3**:
    – 20 Merkins
    – 25 Squats
    – 30 Plank Jacks
    – 10 Burpees

    3. **Parking Space 11’s** (10 minutes):
    – Start on one side of the parking lot.
    – Perform 10 Merkins, then run to the other side.
    – Perform 1 Charles Shackleford (burpee with a basketball shot).
    – Repeat, decreasing Merkins by 1 and increasing Charles Shacklefords by 1 until you reach 1 Merkin and 10 Charles Shacklefords.

    4. **6 Minutes of Mary** (6 minutes):
    – Rotate through the following core exercises:
    – **The Dolly**
    – **The High Dolly**
    – **LBC (Little Baby Crunches)**
    – **The Dying Cockroach**
    – **Flutter Kick**
    – **Row The Boat**
    – **Freddie Mercury**

    5. **Circle of Trust (COT)** (4 minutes):
    – Share prayer requests and intentions with the group.
    – Consider praying for:
    – Flat Head’s daughter (upcoming test at Chapel Hill)
    – Brother Landlord’s sister (recovering from surgery)
    – Scrappy’s friend (job loss)
    – CPR’s job test
    – Everyone dealing with COVID

    Remember to push yourself but also listen to your body. Modify any exercise as needed, and encourage others during the beatdown! 🏋️‍♂️💪
    ———

    A few observations: ChatGPT didn’t do a bad job overall. It started the Warmorama with SSH’s, as it should. It nailed some classic F3 exercises flawlessly.

    It clearly can’t take into account human fatigue – we ended up scrapping round 3 of the circuit in the interest of time. And if you didn’t recognize some of those exercises, that’s because they don’t exist, but we made our best educated guess where it left us without an explanation. The general consensus was that AI’s plan was to end us all there in its effort to take over the world, but the PAX valiantly pushed through some really hard stuff. It was a sight to behold. We finished out right on time (excluding that 3rd round of the circuit) and Valve prayed us out (including the presumably real intentions offered by PAX in the past).

    Who knows, maybe YHC will pull this tactic again in a pinch.

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • The Killian – from Smooth Operator

    4/22/24 the Killian
    Popeye
    Safety Valve
    Wet Tap

    Warmarama
    Nothing out of the ordinary

    Last year YHC led a beatdown titles the Samson. Samson was the name of one of the twins YHC and my M lost last year. Well YHC figured today was as good as any to honor his twin brother with his own beatdown called the Killian. Killian’s name comes from a character on the TV show Once Upon a Time. His character was basically a bad guy turned good pirate type. Therefore I felt a little Ruch man loop 4 corners are in order in remembrance of him.
    Therefore we moseyed over to the far corner of rich man’s loop to start thang1

    Thang 1

    Corner one would be a 30 yard bear crawl down the dead end street and lunge walk back to the first street light. From here the PAX would mosey in a clockwise manner to each streetlight and do 1 genuflection a piece throughout the whole loop. At corner 2 the pax would do 25 shoulder tap merkins before resuming our genuflection mosey.
    Corner 3 was 25 goosee and corner 4 was 25 2 is 1 Jlos. After this the fast Pax had a choice to make, they could either complete more Bearcrawl a and lunge walks till the slower pax caught up or pick the 6 up and get everyone to the finish line. The Pax kicked this thangs butt therefore YHC felt compelled to do this one again. The only difference is the PAX only had to complete 2 of the 4 corners of there own choosing. We did a burpee by each light pole instead of a genuflection. Once this was completed the PAX moseyed on back to the flag for thing 2

    Thang 2
    Traffic burpees.
    This is YHC favorite exercise with less than 10 minutes left in the beatdown, but we changed it up a little bit. For this version the PAX was in the plank position and when a car passed the PAX would d a merkin followed by a grounder and a jump squat and fall back into the plank position. The PAX watched 15 cars before the someone had planted the idea to hold 6” and do heels to heaven for the last 3 or 4 minutes.

    0600 arrived and The PAX hustled back to the flag. We counted off and Popeye prayed us out. Thanks for letting me lead fellas.

  • Fort Knox – from Paradox

    YHC recently listened to an excellent podcast episode breaking down the United States Bullion Depository , better known as Fort Knox. YHCs working knowledge of Fort Knox before this was at about a 6th grade level and while I was slightly disappointed to learn there was neither a moat nor sharks with lazer beams (I meannn not even ill tempered sea bass?!), I was however , fascinated by the robust layers of security present. If one presents such a security the obvious response is “well what WOULD it take to break in?”. YHC loves a good heist film so it was only a matter of time before I began to devise a plan …and as the plan took form it was much more clear that it was a question of “ WHO would I need?” rather than “ WHAT I would need “

    A team..but not just any team . A diverse group of high impact men with particular sets of skills. It just so happened that 9 of these very men showed up at the Stage Tuesday morning ready for action.

    It went a little something like this….

    Duke!! Get your ski mask and roll the footage.
    I love it when a plan comes together!

    Warmup

    We got down to some usual warmups and it was clear this was not the ole chatter gang. Most days this would unsettle YHC to the point of provoking white bean schisms but today it was just the tone I was looking for.
    These men were lazer focused and had the fresh pain from the tax man in their hearts.

    Bumper Mosey to start of Richmans Loop where YHC laid out todays mission.
    It was Simple. We were going to Fort Knox and we were going to get our money back.

    Right on cue Popeyes old military buddy landed an Apache helicopter in the finance parking lot. Let’s just say you can make things happen when Sean Penn owes you a favor .
    We loaded up and headed for north Kentucky.

    Objective #1
    Aerial drop and debrief

    Introduced “The Sky Mile” (say it with a north La draw and it sounds like my favorite magazine)

    Fort Knox is located on a 109k acre base so we couldn’t just drive up with our Platinum f150 and ask directions to the vault.
    We would enter from the sky.

    To stretch on the way we did 20 Aussie sweat angels (feels like sky diving ) and 20 ranger merkins (we need to atkeast look like military) x 4 rounds and we added a golden trivia debrief with a burpee penalty. It made for quite a festive chopper ride.

    Trivia

    1. Name Only President to see inside of Fort Knox -FDR
    **some mutiny early here as SV softly said the correct answer immediately and AB discussed the virtue of 12 other presidents before coming back to trusting his safety valve with FDR.

    2. Gold is one of 4 transition metal in group 11 on the periodic table. Name the other three. (Copper silver, roentgeniyn)

    YHC wasn’t letting the pax get away with out burpees so Roentygenium was added as an Maneater chemistry defense. It worked like a charm and we did 7 burpees.

    3.) The “gold watch” and the “Bonnie situation” are chapters in this 1994 movie

    AB yawned , answered Pulp Fiction correctly and moseyed on. He didn’t just grow up in the 90s …he IS the 90s. No trivia is safe.

    At the drop zone we hit a dead sprint with one last debrief.

    4.) A 1995 spy movie , a hit N64 video game and the nickname they call safety valve when he will only see cash patients.

    GOLDENEYE (several light chuckles were dispersed)

    We were on the ground now and the defense was just getting warmed up .

    Objective 2: Electric Fence

    The outermost perimeter of Fort Knox is surrounded by a 20 foot barbed wire electric fence. No big deal, YHC depended on the sound advice from Homer criminals that informed him you could bypass this with jumper cables and cut the area in between…that’s science brother. We did this and thin slid right in.

    “Electric Slide” by the Hit Team
    Lateral Slide on the song
    Star Jumper Cables on “Electric”
    Apollo Ohno on “Boogie Woogie”

    We lost White Meat half way through the fence and had to hook the jumper cables to his shin splints just to pull him through.

    Objective 3 : Landmines
    Once inside the fence there is 500 yards of heavily dispersed landmines. We had Honeysuckle pull a dark web search here and the only plausible way to survive a Minefield is obviously single file bearcrawl.

    Bearcrawl Indian Run
    1 lap – last man 1 merkin to to front.
    Made 1 loop around the track and bears were turning into Linda’s left and right until Ladybug made an epic bearcrawl sprint to reignite the mission. T-claps.

    Objective 4 : Guards

    Now we are on the front porch of the vault house with one major external obstacle left. Guards.
    But if there’s one thing Goose has trained us in , it’s the distracting power of music. We needed something special here , something so bad you would lay down your machine gun on duty and cover your ears. let’s see …late 90s…TRL…frosted tips…pointless lyrics…puca shell necklaces …bingo…

    Music – SmashMouth “AllStar”
    On Song: Step ups
    Chorus – Box jumps

    The legs were a little wobbly but we walked right in the frontier unscathed.

    Finale
    Objective 5 : The Vault

    What’s left before we see the 300 billion worth of gold ?

    Oh just a 21 inch thick steel vault door and the most intricate pass code systems ever created including 4 seperate individuals who have only a portion of the code each.

    First things first, the vault door.
    Reported to be able to withstand an atomic blast, drill or a blow torch but the pax of F3 Thibodaux had something stronger. ABs last 3 meals included gas station fish sticks, a nachos belle grande, and the rotolos garlic special aka the rotor rooter. This led to a synergistic bonding in his colon that would have scared even the creatures of Roentgeniun and one gas pump later we had a man sized hole melting in the vault door. We all have our gifts.

    And now for that pesky code so the alarm doesn’t trigger. .

    Split into teams and each team goes to 1 of 4 stations.
    Each station has 1 trivia question and one exercise. 1 minute AMRAP while you chew on the trivia question. Once you have an answer fill in the blank and move to your next station.

    Your answers should combine for an 8 digit code .
    Answer after so you can keep score at home!

    Station #1
    Number of Medals won by Jesse Owens in 1936 Olympics

    Apollo Ohnos

    Station #2 – they weren’t counting gold but they were counting plenty of cards in this 2008 film about MiT students gaming a popular casino card game.

    No cheat merkins

    Station #3
    The year the Golden state warriors were beat by Toronto Raptors in NBA finals.

    Bobby Hurleys

    Station #4
    Bonnie Blair set the world record in the 500 m speed skate in the Calgary Olympics in this year.

    Bonnie Blair’s

    ANSWER :

    04211988
    Or
    04/21/1988

    Hmmmm…
    Interesting date

    -HoneySuckle and ladybug took first place with 3/4 correct.
    -Valve with honorable mention as he was solo with YHC and there were very few hints.
    -a certain unnamed optometrist had issues with 12 pt times new Roman font and boyyy that presbyopia continues to strike our 40 north club. Ya hate to SEE it.

    We were now successfully inside the vault just as our own 6am alarms began to go off …

    Counting , Naming and Rugby was given to HoneySuckle from Ladybug for his puzzle skills.

    COT and Honeysuckle prayed us out

    Had a blast putting this one together , thanks for breaking and entering with me .
    It’s always a privilege to lead you men.

    Post Script

    Year of our Lord 2124
    Journal entry from Lil Cuz the 6th

    …generation after generation of F3 Thibodaux pax trained to break into Fort Knox. It was our yearly rite of passage to test fitness and a sharp mind. There finally came a time for the real mission. They had gotten a tip off from the great great grandson of HoneySuckle (he just happened to have a vaguely defined government job) that a long lost treasure had been found.

    After breezing through the defenses they stood in the vault of Fort Knox. The bright reflection of gold cast on their faces as they walked between towering rows of gold plates. Each man considering how much one 26.5 lb bar could change his life. But they stayed true. They strode past the Constitution, brushed aside priceless original paintings and didn’t even glance at the Magna Carta. Then, they found it.
    Nestled in a bin of gold and jewels it was wrapped in its dusty leather casing with tidy stencil spray paint letters on the front …

    “The Story of the Bayou Pax and the unabridged Monologues of Yankee Jeaux the 1st: Volume 1”

    They tucked it safely in the flying douche wagon and left the treasures of this earth behind for good.

    You see , Their fathers and their father’s fathers had already handed down the real treasure to them during each beatdown:

    Love your Creator, Lead your family, Strengthen the man next to you and always be grateful for the hidden treasures in each day.

    “For where your treasure is , there also your heart will be “
    Luke 12:34

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Tax day – fit rich – from Safety Valve

    YHC showed up to the Stage with a lone soul awaiting glory in the gloom. Cardinal was there by himself, likely contemplating his decision to wake up this morning as he beat the Q there. Dox is finally seeing things from his neighbors perspective and showed up tardy today…because who really needs to do SSH. Cuz, Popeye, and white meat decided to be the cool kids and show up not too early, but also courteous enough to not be late.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willy Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry pickers
    High knees and butt kicks (the correct way)

    No one likes paying taxes, and most PAX really do not enjoy when YHC Qs a beatdown. Those things together sound great to me, so that’s what we did today.

    Thang

    Taxman by the Beatles – SSH for duration, burpees anytime taxman or taxman was said.

    We then set forth on a Mosey to Rich Man’s loop to start making our payments to the taxman.

    Quarterly estimated payments – none of them are fun, but the last one hurts the most. Also, you put in a lot of work between the quarterly payments, only to give more back. After a mosey to rich mans loop, we used the loop as our playground to pay estimated tax payments to Uncle Jeaux.
    – Diamonds/Four corners:
    – 7 burpees at corner 1
    – 7 burpees and 14 merkins at corner 2
    – 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 big boy sit ups at corner 3
    – 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 big boy sit ups and 28 squat jumps at corner 4

    Crunching the numbers
    After finishing our mile mosey back to the “flag”, we finally made it to crunch time in terms of taxes. We made our payments. We filled out our forms. Checked them over numerous times. It is now April 15th – the deadline to submit is here. Crunch time ensues:
    7s with V ups and Big Boy Sit Ups, bear crawl and crab walk as mode of transport

    Penalties and calculated interest
    We submitted our forms. Five years later, we get a letter in the mail explaining that we messed up and actually owed more than we coughed up. Plus, they want the interest that they lost over that time period. How nice. PAX members were chosen “at random” to choose one of five dry erase boards as we are audited. Each board was flipped over, so the PAX had no idea what was to come. The boards all contained one exercise plus an additional “interest exercise” that made the first one hurt more.

    Possible choices:
    20 Freak nasties then 20 merkins
    20 Squat jumps then 20 Monkey Humpers
    V ups then hold six inches for 1 minute
    20 Biceps curls then single arm bent over row with coupon (20 on each side)
    20 Overhead press then 20 Derkins

    6 o’clock came, COT commenced, Dox has two Q this week for something “special”, Cuz formed words and prayed us out.

    Moleskine:
    In our careers, we make a salary and we pay lots of that money back with the hope that something good will ever come of it. Maybe we will always keep waiting. But, after seeing how much of our salary goes to taxes, it may then make us want to work longer hours so that we can pocket more ourselves. Always remember though, the more you make, the more you give back.

    What if we were happy with only what we needed monetarily? Nothing left over to have a large house, a nice car, or to eat out every night of the week. How much time would we be able to free up in our lives for others if we lived on just what we needed. Perhaps a greater sign of well being and worth is the tax bill we build up if we were taxed on the time we gave others. Give some thought to it. Take that extra day of vacation off to be with family because it matters. Take the afternoon off to help your parents with something at their house or to help a friend in need. I will always regret not taking that afternoon off to see my little girl in her Easter bonnet parade. That will only happen once in her life. In ten years, I may not remember why I had to miss it, but I’ll remember that I did.

    Thanks for showing up men. Always a pleasure to lead.

  • Hybrids, Donkeys, and Facial Nuts: My Life in Vegan Tights – from Yankee Joe

    YHC enjoys a good prank. As such, April Fool’s Day is like Christmas. Last year, YHC revealed to the PAX that he and his family were moving to the Seattle area. The M would be taking a job with Amazon, while YHC would follow his new found passion of farming to work for a local, kumquat farm. It specialized in organic kumquat-based mineral oils and lotions – all available through an affordable monthly subscription.

    The name of the farm? “Kumquat May.”

    ——————-

    This year, the “prank” part was too wonky and to be honest, after a grueling Saturday beatdown, a little recovery was needed. YHC still got in his jokes about switching over to CrossFit and trying to recruit F3 PAX to the good side of the force. However, instead of additional pranks, YHC set out to create a unique beatdown experience. A few fellers were asked for two true statements and one ‘not so true’ statement about themselves. The PAX could then guess which was which. One’s guess about what was fact or quasi fiction would dictate the type of exercise completed.

    However, before those shenanigans, YHC had other good stuff up his singlet. In the vein of CrossFit, YHC has always wanted to include a truck tire or heavy object rope pull. Wet Tap, who may or may not have been joking, suggested the Prius on GroupMe the night before. That’s all it took.

    “Duke, stop chewing on your ass.”

    ———————

    10 PAX and one FNG pulled up to the Stage on a comfortable 70 degree mernin’. The FNG, who was recruited by Popeye, was a good ‘ol Texas boy from his hometown of Austin. In his FNG naming, we would find out that he had once been pepper sprayed by the cops outside of the Cotton Bowl, WHILE on horseback because he was mother f-ing Justin Timberlake about being a shitty mouseketeer.

    His eventual name selection of Face Nutz was based on a story not appropriate for this backblast, but suffice it to say, Nutz has a special place in Toby Keith’s heart…rest in peace.

    Anyway, YHC had gotten to the Stage about 45 minutes early to test out how the Prius would respond to being pushed in neutral. Even solo, YHC was able to get some traction for about 10 yards. There was a Plan B, but this thang was just crazy enough to work.

    After a wonky Warmarama, in which the PAX did side straddle hops…that’s it. We only did side straddle hops. 410 side straddle hops…you get it…4/1. A few pranks had to be thrown in there, after all.

    Ok, so after that, we did the first ever F3 Prius indigenous peoples push.

    ———————

    The Thang:

    PAX in two teams

    – One team pushing the Prius – one PAX in the driver seat, the other teammates pushing.

    – Second team drops off and completes 10 triple merkin burpees (burpee with three merkins at bottom before jumping up).

    – Second team then runs to relieve the Prius team

    – Continue in that way around Rich Man’s Loop (approx. ½ mile)

    ——————–

    A few observations:

    It is possible that the Live Oak HOA will finally come together and ban F3. There was no shortage of neighbors peering out their windows. Pushing a car is one thing. White Meat yelling at anyone who would listen that it gets “85 miles to the freakin’ gallon” is something entirely different. However, YHC does appreciate the solidarity. Good lookin’ out, Bro.

    Paradox could not count the triple merkins at the bottom of the burpee. This is especially interesting since he perfected the triple merkin in order to cheat during Jurptober. His entire team’s points should have been thrown out.

    Wet Tap and Smooth could have simply carried the Prius around RML by themselves. Seriously, I’m not sure they broke a sweat. Smooth simply said, “ain’t this cute.”

    YHC still can’t believe how well this worked. Pushing the Prius, even with 4 to 5 people, got REAL hard, REAL quick. Steering without power was also a great arm workout. Except for the almost collision with the port-o-potty…because Face Nutz can’t drive (or maybe he couldn’t see because you know…the nutz…in the face), the PAX successfully pushed the Prius around RML and headed back to the Stage.

    ———————-

    Upon return to the Stage, the PAX completed

    – 41 burpees
    – 41 leg lifts
    – 41 J-Lo’s
    – 41 jump squats
    – 41 thrusters.

    It was during the jump squats that we heard the familiar retching of an FNG. We all looked over to see Face Nutz bent over and yakking his nutz off. However, he hadn’t moved his coupon before doing so and thus coated it with a creamy yellow bile…a color and consistency only found in Safety Valve’s Kenyan cool brew froth.

    Once the PAX finished up and the exercise circle moved upwind from Nutz’ vomit, facts were revealed. As mentioned, PAX would choose what they believed to be true versus a lie. Their choice dictated the exercises to come.

    Fact or (Quasi) Fiction

    *The first set of “facts” came from Paradox.

    1) At a birthday in middle school, a donkey kicked out his front teeth. For the next several years, through undergrad, his nickname was “Donkey Teef.”

    2) As the center for the Homer High School football team, he once sharted during a game and the quarterback, at first under center, took every subsequent snap in shotgun formation even though the head coach was threatening to bench him.

    3) He graduated from medical school

    I’ll let you, dear reader decide which of the three is false (and yes…almost everyone chose #3).

    —————————

    In the interest of time, YHC will only include the others’ most obscure, but true fact that blew the PAX’ collective mind.

    *Wet Tap “Fact”

    One of Wet Tap’s favorite songs is, “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. He said he loves singing this under his breath every time he gives epidurals to women in labor. One time, as he was preparing to administer the epidural, the woman heard him and burst out singing the song at the top of her lungs. Together, they sang so enthusiastically, that she prematurely went into labor and ended up having a natural birth.

    Moral of the story? Don’t ever let Wet Tap sing to your wives, boys.

    ————————-

    *Popeye “Fact”

    Popeye loves soup. His favorite soup, we found out this morning, is Cream of Asparagus. He said he literally buys the 24-can case from Costco every few weeks. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Cream of Asparagus. What’s more, is that he likes to chill it in the fridge overnight and then sip on it like a vichyssoise on a hot summer afternoon.

    I tell you what…Popeye sure does keep you on your toes.

    ———————-

    *America’s Best “Fact”

    One time, while still living in Virginia, AB went to a fundraiser in Washington D.C. While there, he got – in his own words – tore up from the floor up, and went to the men’s room to relieve himself. While at the urinal, Peyton Manning came in and started using the next urinal over. AB was so excited that he turned to him and said, “What’s up?”

    Unfortunately, AB hadn’t finished relieving himself and pissed all over Manning’s shoes. Apparently Manning looked down in disbelief, then looked back up to AB. In his drunken stupor, AB simply paused, zipped up, and yelled, “Omaha, Omaha!” and ran out of the bathroom.

    ———————

    *Goose “Fact”

    In high school, Goose joined a choreographed choir group that toured around and performed show tunes. He joined because he had a crush on a girl who was in the troupe. However, after about six months, the girl quit the group, but Goose, by this point, loved every bit of it.

    In fact, he was apparently, really good. He started branching out with other groups. Due to his height as well as athletic coordination, he was offered a full ride scholarship to the Academie d’ Chaussettes Sales in Paris…wait for it…Kentucky. Paris, Kentucky.

    However, as we all know, at that point, he had turned it down to follow God’s call to join the seminary.

    ———————-

    After all songs were played and penalty exercises were completed, YHC had one more treat in store for the PAX! In fact, YHC had been working on this thang for months. The logistics to carry it out were a bit over the top and may or may not have impacted YHC’s marriage.

    Looking back over the morning, however, it may have been YHC’s finest hour.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Lab Rats – from Goose

    I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that YHC enjoys digging into the kinds of interpersonal dynamics that bring about surprising chemical, pscychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions. Like, why are we willing to undergo so much physical stress and call it fun when someone else is doing it with us for no reason to bad 80’s music? Why do we push so hard just because everyone else is? What moves us? What causes us to fear and move into self-preservation? What causes us to let go of our calculations and abandon ourselves to something bigger, even if that something is just a bunch of other goofballs crawling around sweating in the grass in the dark?

    The question we’d be covering today was “Why are we constantly wondering how we measure up to the men around us?” Like, why do we subconsciously measure one another to the point where we have a pretty good sense of where we stand in the pecking order of performance for pretty much every exercise? And, in whatever field/type of exercise where we don’t exactly know how we measure up, we are very motivated to find out.

    YHC was interested in breaking this down, to see how each man responded to the measuring process, and what that challenge did to his effort. The results were fascinating.

    After a substantial warmup including Lafayette Nightclubs (sans pelvic thrusts, for most of us), old school, clapping grass-grabbers, and carioca and skip running to the sidewalk and back, we completed yet another new kind of Indian Run. (YHC has been loving the creativity with these, so wanted to keep that train going, and knew we’d be sprinting with tight legs, so…) We took the mile track around Rich Man’s Loop and through Financially Stable Man’s Alley with the last man running back to the previous light pole before catching up to the front. Yes, this was a gamble, and yes, it led to a lot of running for some, especially Paradox, who ended up having to run the length of the alley approximately three times.

    Upon arrival back at the flag, YHC announced we’d be doing merkins to failure, but each man had to do more merkins than the guy to his left, otherwise he’d incur a 10 burpee penalty. And, you got to pick who you stood next to in line. Starting with Safety Valve, each man in turn chose a place in line where he thought he could do more merkins than the man to his left and less than the man on his right. Choices were made quickly–confirmation that each man already knows his place in the pecking order, or at least thinks he does.

    The only exception to this was Smooth Operator, who constantly reveals a deep, yet lighthearted appreciation for being challenged. He chose the front of the line, the strongest position, every single time. He wanted a reason to push hard, and he wanted the burpees. Seriously. He wasn’t just looking for attention. He loves being in over his head–it lights him up in a way that reveals a deep strength, a deep stability. It’s incredible to witness.

    Here were the exercises we got to (about half the ones on YHC’s list):
    -Merkins
    -Sprint (from AB’s truck to the Stop sign)
    -Plank
    -Overhead Press (coupons)

    For the merkins, the second half of the line monitored the first half for form and counting, then flip-flopped. There were definitely some miscalculations there, but nothing egregious. Most were at least within 5 of their expectations.

    The sprint was another story. I guess we just don’t do this enough, and when we do, we’re so focused on the guy we’re trying to beat or on our own need for oxygen that we don’t get a solid bead on the men around us. Cuz, Lil Cuz was lined up as second slowest, and when he blasted off the line in a powerful, white blur, all PAX knew they had chosen poorly. YHC thought later that it might have been better to have all run at once in order to have each be motivated by beating the man next to him, but we would have missed something special. The chance to watch each of the PAX powerfully give it all for almost 100 meters was a sight to behold. These are men we know, respect, and care about, so to witness each one in turn in full effect, at 100% capacity, really did something to the heart.

    This was followed by plank to failure. We chose our places in line, per usual, and then got into plank position, staggered, head to head with the men next to us. YHC didn’t know what to expect on this one, but the rest of the PAX seemed to. Safety Valve and AB lined up in what seemed to be pretty confident positions near the front (just behind Smooth), and after three or four minutes, were still planking. Paradox won his first of two awards for one-liners when he, noticing that two eye doctors were planking head to head to the death, said something about removing the plank from your brother’s eye. AB eventually melted in the face of quiet, smiling confidence, and only one or two guys had to do burpees.

    The overhead press was squeezed in with three minutes left, and after the planks and merkins, this proved to be a killer. Brains and shoulders were mush, as made clear by the amount of burpees owed afterward, so YHC just decided all would complete the 10 penalty burpees to transition us into a panting COT.

    The rugby shirt of competition was given to Valve for his impressive holdout in the eye-plank stare-down. YHC thought he was clever in offering the temporary nickname Plankopotamus, but Dox countered with his second award-winning line of the day, Plank Williams, Jr. (YHC is comfortable in my place in the pecking order, being the one who says things that are funny enough but really just serve as fodder for Dox’s wit cannon.)

    Thanks for being willing lab rats in the pitre dish of the sweaty test tube of the Bunsen muscle burner of the exerscience lab of man-fun.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Bonnie’s Bithday Bash – from Safety Valve

    Today we gathered to celebrate and commemorate the career of Bonnie Blair. Today is her birthday. On March 18, 1964 a legend was born. Speed skating was in her blood. Her Godmother was a Canadian speed skater and Blair herself started skating at the age of 2, becoming competitive by age 4. She was 19 when she debuted for the United States for the Olympics. During her speed skating career she amassed several World championships, and was the most decorated female speed skater of her time with 5 gold medals and a bronze medal during the Olympics. Today is for you Bonnie. Thank you for all the pain and gain that your namesake has created over the years.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Wind mills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward

    The Thangs
    Mosey to Rich mans loop. The loop became our ice rink/circuit with some imagination.

    Loop 1
    Speed skater training – Bonnie wasn’t born going as fast as she could. It took years of training to ultimately beat the World record and then beat her own world record several times. We focused on lower body strengthening to make us go fast.

    We ran the length of the loop stopping at every other light post, at which time an exercise was called out. The PAX were to complete 10 reps of that exercise and we moved on to the next light post. On the last two light poles, we pretended to speed skate (basically a run lunge kinda thing) and then sprint to the finish. PAX stayed together.

    10 squats
    10 squat jumps
    10 One legged squats right
    10 One legged squats left
    10 Apollo Oh nos

    Loop 2
    World skating competitions- this is where athletes compete yearly to improve themselves for the big stage (Olympics). Same as the last loop, we ran the length of the loop stopping every other light post to do the exercises below. We finished again with a pretend speed skater and a sprint to the finish. Pax stayed together.

    5 Bonnie Blair’s
    5 Goosies
    5 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    5 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin
    5 Bonnie Blairs

    Loop 3
    The Olympics – we made it. No more Mr. Nice guy. This is the time to show what you have been training for. This one was on your own. Run the loop and complete the previous Bonnie exercises at each of the four corners of the loop. 15 reps instead of 5.

    15 Bonnie Blair’s
    15 Goosies
    15 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    15 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin

    Gold medal – Pope
    Silver – Americas Best
    Bronze – Lil Cuz

    Completed our mile back to the flag and the finalist led us in a Mary. Pope calling for flying cockroaches, AB calling for “proper” leg raises where the feet never touched the ground, and Lil cuz finishing with penguins.

    COT, intentions and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Reflection on Bonnie’s success – Bonnie started skating at the age of 2. With constant instruction/coaching and with continued practice, it took her 22 years to earn her first Gold medal. Even with everything on her side going perfectly, it took 22 years for her to receive the ultimate “prize”. She truly was an amazing athlete to accomplish what she did, but Bonnie didn’t break a record every time she skated. Her best was a sub 39 second 500 meter sprint – she beat her own world record then. Her worst the next day was probably 45 seconds. She didn’t give up because one day was tough. She kept going to try and be the best version of herself possible. Things in this life may not work out when or how you want them to every time. Sticking to what you believe in and following your calling will bring you success. Maybe not in the way you think now, but in the way God wants it to happen later. Don’t ever give up on trying to be a better version of yourself. There is always potential to grow.

    Side note – Bonnie Blair supposedly is from a Scottish-Irish background. Thank you AB for the constant reminder of things that YHC does not know. The random bits of trivia you know never ceases to amaze. This is why YHC has not been invited on a trivia team trip yet. Waiting on that call though