F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Stage

  • Burplevensies and Humple Pie – from Goose

    Another impromptu Tuesday morning at The Stage meant getting some quality time with Enron and Yankee Joe, and YHC was very much looking forward to that. Though, after crafting the beatdown last night, YHC was not looking forward to the down painment that it would require.
    After a few weeks of coming up with creative ways to get 100 burpees done in every beatdown, YHC still felt like he had some steam for putting together something new. This time, it would be “Burplevensies”.
    After a warmup of the usual (with some verbal wondering if we need to shake things up a bit, then really appreciating the fruits of the exercises we keep doing) including the now-typical mountain climbers and a bumper mosey, we lined up at the grass.

    Thang 1: Burplevensies
    Elevens with burpees on both sides. That’s right, both sides. The total would be 110, but to space things out a bit and add some variety, the transportation (25-ish yards) would change with every round. So, it would go like this:
    -10 burpees, bear crawl, 1 burpee, bear crawl back
    -9, carioca, 2, carioca
    – crab walk
    – nur
    – duck walk
    – side shuffle
    – bunny hop
    – mosey
    – frog hop
    – high-knee skip
    The pre-warmup mumblechatter included conversation about the men who haven’t posted in a while, and it was said about one guy, “I don’t think he ever really got over the hump.” Well, as we were reminded this morning, if we’re doing F3 right, we never really “get over the hump”. We’re always bumping up against our limitations. Pride at our “arrival” or some sort of measure of progress isn’t really doable when it’s always something different and we’re always humbled by having to dig deeper than we pictured. This is why I’m so grateful for F3–because this experience pulls us out of ourselves in a way that makes us strong, united, and joyfully self-deprecating as opposed to proud, isolated, and afraid of failure. Humple pie tastes so good! (Well, maybe not right away.)

    This was followed by a nice, long recovery mosey around Rich Man’s loop (the mumblechatter was minimal due to the need to conserve oxygen) and back to The Stage for about seven minutes of Mary: Wife Pleasers, LBC’s, Leg Raises, Hello Dollys, Nolan Ryans, and Penguins.

    Solid COT and YHC prayed us out. Super grateful for this morning, despite having to take a break on my way up one flight of stairs at the office!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Support Group for JBL – from Goose

    Still on a high from the convergence (and the van ride to and from the convergence) and the promise of a Kilo appearance, a record 8 PAX converged upon The Stage, mostly to console Paradox after what should not be mentioned (again) on record. But, I’ll go ahead and mention it anyway–JBL, in his opportunity of a lifetime performance, came up short. Really short. Thankfully, Coyote was there to make it all worth it and save the Thibodaux PAX’s convergence Q from total disaster, but JBL will never be the same.

    Warmup: the usual plus the pre-burpee mountain climbers, and the feel of 8 men in the circle at The Stage was awesome. YHC allowed some gloves to fall from his pocket instigating questions since there were no coupons in sight. (There was already some suspicion of a potential setup with some deep, devious plan devised by Anker to slowly and methodically break down the competition from within.)

    After the warmup, YHC suggested that all should retrieve gloves from their vehicles, and all were able to do so…blue and white ones…all of them. Burpees in the street was on the menu, and YHC knew that this particular street is a cheese shredder for human flesh.

    The Thang (Part 1) was a mosey around Rich Man’s Loop with 5 burpees EMOM for 10 minutes. Minutes seemed shorter than normal, but all kept up well enough, and 50 burpees were in the books.

    Part 2 consisted of three songs from the F3 Burpeepalooza list created a couple of years back for Make America Burpee Again, and these songs were chosen because they hadn’t yet been used much this year, and because their total burpees added up to 50.

    First: Red Solo Cup–overhead claps for the duration and burpees for every “Cup” and “Up” (total of 25)
    Second: This is Who I Am by Third Day–LBC’s for the duration and burpees for every “This is who I Am” (total of 12)
    Third: Get Back Up Again by Toby Keith (dedicated to JBL)–high knee skips (or “Running Man” skips if you’re Lil’ Cuz, or just trip over yourself if you’re Enron or Montana) for the duration, and burpees for every “Get Back Up Again” (total of 13)

    Part 3 was a 7 of Diamonds/4 Corners–add an exercise at every corner
    1. 7 merkins
    2. 7 merkins, 14 Bonnie Blairs
    3. The above plus 21 Big Boy Situps
    4. The above plus 28 Monkey Humpers
    The legs were done by the second corner, but all powered through with minimal grumbling.

    Part 4: Speed and Agility
    1. Sprint to the sidewalk and Nur back
    2. Carioca there and back (Also known as “Staring into One Another’s Eyes While Dancing”)
    3. Side shuffle there and back
    4. Bunny Hop there and mosey back (YHC was impressed by the effort on this one)

    Mary (IC): Freddy Merc x 31, Leg Raises x 15

    COT and Paradox prayed us out. Thanks for making it 8 STRONG this morning! It was awesome to have Kilo back and to offer prayers and camaraderie for his first day at the new job! And only six more days of burpees!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Battle to the Death, and Burpees Won – from Goose

    It was a unique morning as Tuesdays are currently in a bit of a transition stage. YHC was not looking forward to two mornings in a row of non-beatdown burpee hundos, and Enron was antsy after fartsacking yesterday, so we decided to do a full-scale beatdown at The Stage. It was chilly as we distracted ourselves with conversation waiting for 5:45 to roll around (just in case anyone else might have trickled in). Pope was in attendance for the first time since flag football season started, and he was grateful to get moving since he’s got less natural insulation.

    After a warmup of the usual with the Burptober mountain climbers included and a bumper mosey, The Thang was revealed:

    It would be a three way game of Battle (or “War” if you’re a communist) using the Deck of Death. This, of course, wouldn’t get us to our 100 burpees, so we committed to stopping and doing 5 burpees every time a car passed through the lot.
    At first, each card was as challenging as would be expected, and the car traffic was low. The high cards were often face cards, which meant 25 of most things, which was a good workout. After the upper body was beginning to burn a bit, Enron won a round with the Queen of Burpees, and things began to shift rapidly. At first, there was verbal thanks that this particular card meant it would be less likely that we’d have to finish with a load of burpees to make it to 100. Then, a car passed…and another, which meant 25 burpees was now 35 burpees. Subconsciously, all three of us labeled that as the likely pinnacle of the beatdown and remarked that it was the most burpees each of us had ever done in a row without stopping. Proud and glad it was over, we went back to the deck to continue the game.

    Pride would turn to humility, however, as YHC decided to change the rules so that the lowest card won–I figured we were getting stuck with all the high-rep exercises and may be missing out on some variation. This quickly led to the victory of the 3 of Hearts, the 300 meter sprint, the second worst card in the deck (second only to the 400 meter sprint). Not only that, but it had tied with another 3, which meant two other cards had to be added to break the tie–they were the 200 meter sprint and 16 Bonnie Blairs. Things weren’t looking great for the PAX facing these three cards at the end of what was already a relatively grueling beatdown, and we had already reached our goal of 100 burpees, which meant the legs were pretty shot.
    But, we slowly lined up (to sprint to the bumper and then back around to the Stop sign), and YHC reluctantly coughed out that fateful word: “begin”. The legs were jelly upon arrival at the bumper, and we still had 200 meters to go. Letting go of everything but the present moment, we pushed on to the Stop sign only to be greeted by three cars. 15 burpees later, we lined up for the 200 meter sprint but were greeted by 3 more cars. After another 15, one more car got us to 140 burpees total, and 6:30am on YHC’s watch never looked so good.

    After COT and prayer, Enron decided to add some reps of squatting card pickers, but underestimated the difficulty of that particular exercise and had to let Pope finish the set. (Those suckers are slick.)

    YHC still doesn’t regret the decision to hit The Stage this morning despite being sore from Yankee’s Flora-block-burner yesterday. Tomorrow will be a day of rest (hopefully), and Enron will utilize Thursday to give us one more tune up before our showing at the NOLA convergence on Saturday. YHC is hopeful that the consecutive challenging beatdowns along with a few weeks of 100 burpees a day will give us what we need to make yet another strong statement that F3 Thibodaux is on the map!

  • Burpee: A History – from Paradox

    Several days ago one of YHC’s 2.0’s observed what has become a nightly routine: walking the dog in the backyard while attempting 100 burpees. This is for our monthly PAX challenge (ISI: Make America Burpee Again). As 2.0s are known to do, YHCs daughter asked a deeply philosophical question “sooo why’s it called a burpee?”. YHC had no clue and was pushed into a deep rabbit hole dive of how our beloved exercise came to be. 6 wikipedia pages, 4 clickbait articles and 1 ad for headbands later YHC had unearthed an incredible tale. YHC knew the only path forward was to convert this into a beatdown to share with my Thibodaux brethren. If our Thibodaux Pax truly wanted to complete the Burptober challenge, then we needed to know the burpee inside and out. Know its function, feel its form and at the end of a 45 minute beatdown , be able to select burpee variations like fine wines. The lesson plan was set, the classroom prepped, and 5 PAX cut through the gloom of the Stage for a standard issue Paradoxian History lesson.

    Warmup: The usual suspects SSH, Windmill, IW, AC, Self-Love with a little added mumble chatter from Goose about pre cadence variations but this was countered with a bumper mosey.

    Thang 1
    Royal Huddleston Burpee was born in 1897 in NY. He joined the Navy during the beginning of World War 1 and while aboard a navy ship for several months developed a knack for creating challenging body weight exercises one could accomplish in small spaces.

    JBL played Drunken Sailor while PAX held plank with merkins on “Wayyyy Up” and “Drunken Sailor”. Of note: several Pax applauded JBLs ability to transport them mentally and emotionally into the scene of the music. This did not go over well with other bluetooth speaker providers but we wont name names. T-claps to JBL for rising above the chatter, I know you see those haters on every block, put on the Hater shades and don’t look back.

    After his service in the war, Mr. Burpee continued to pursue his passion in exercise physiology, receiving a PHD from Columbia University in 1939. His doctoral thesis focused on several bodyweight exercises that could serve as health indicators for the average person. One of these was the Front Leaning Rest. What we know today as the burpee. Of note his original move did not include a push up or squat.

    Pax completed 4 original burpees (no merkin or jump yet) with a sprint to the sidewalk followed by 19 bobby hurleys , 39 SSH and 4 more original burpees.

    By 1942 the US military needed a fitness test to prepare young men heading into World War II. By this time the burpee had increased in popularity in local gyms and was the perfect fit for this exam. It was used as a marker of physical readiness if a solder could complete between 15-30 original burpees (no pushup or jump) in a 20 second period.
    To honor this benchmark Pax completed amrap burpees in 20 seconds followed by Broad jump burpees , 20 WW2 sit-ups, and a another 20 second amrap burpee.

    After WW2 the burpee cemented itself as the king of bodyweight workouts and the rest is history. The burpee variations flowed freely for decades and although its unknown when the merkin and jump were added, the original “front leaning rest” plus a merkin at the bottom and a jump at the top are the accepted regular burpee we know and love to hate.

    Thang 2

    Next exercise: Deconstructed burpees in 7 of diamonds format
    Pax completed 7 squats, 14 thrusters, 21 merkins and 28 jump squats. This looked slightly easier on paper and YHC could feel the silent hatred as we reached 28 jump squats. Your quads will thank me later.

    A few 10 counts later we commemorated the “millions of burpee variations”. YHC introduced some of the PAX to a little Burpeepalooza jam called Peaches by Presidents of the United States of America. Millions of Peaches…peaches for free. Completed 27 burpees.

    Took the pax on a rich man’s loop mosey hike that involved a different 5 rep set of burpee variations on each light pole. We completed:
    5 double merkin burpees- two merkins at the bottom of the burpee
    5 double thrust burpees- two thrusts at the bottom
    5 Bearpees- burpee and start 4 count bear crawl then finish jump
    5 Bropees – double high five with a partner at the top of a burpee. Lets pause here for a breakdown…

    **YHC took the solo role and watched the synchronized beauty that was Yankee and Cardinal perform a perfect tempo 5 bropees. This could be due to Cardinals priestly ability to meet anyone on there level but also theres an investigation into Yankee Joes weekend breakdancing career. Reports to follow.

    In sharp contrast, Enron and Goose appear to be nearing couples counseling as they could not distinguish who was leading the tango. Was Goose still flustered from the JBL compliments?? Very likely. But YHC is putting this one in the “Enron has a scary lack of rhythm” file…. ….it’s a large file.

    5 star jump burpees- burpee with star jump at the end

    A nice mosey back to the flag for the finisher.

    Only one way to finish this one.
    You knew it was coming.
    At the end of the day, the burpee is about getting knocked down and getting back up again.
    We completed 16 burpees during Chumbawumba’s “ Tubthumping” and YHC called it at 6:15.

    COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Great effort today men, we are well on our way to being fine connoisseurs of all things burpee.

    Thank you to Dr. Royal H. Burpee for your service to our country and your great gift of the Burpee.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • PAX vs the Kraken – from Paradox

    IPC Week 5

    6 PAX boarded the pirate ship today to defend our turf against the mighty Kraken.
    After warmup and a discussion about new exercises we dove in.
    (check the F3 Greenwood site for a full IPC 5 breakdown)

    Goose and Wet Tap came out the gates hard and fast slashing tentacles and setting an impressive pace. Wet Taps ability to merge his hands with a 40 lb cinderblock and make it look like a pillow is becoming a thing of legends. YHC and Enron anchored the middle crew with loads of peer pressure and using the buddy system to complete Bonnies Blair’s and Jungle Boi’s. It was clear Enron was regretting those 2 pre-Thang Burpees but he eventually got to 102 on the day if we are keeping the Cardinal Burpee Venmo fund accurate. At this point the Kraken was staggering from our blows but still hammering us with the relentless emom Kraken burpees. What the Kraken didn’t know was that we had saved our 2-man secret weapon for the final death blow. Superfun(d) and Montana got the boat to ramming speed with a tremendous push on rounds 4 and 5 to put a spear though the Kraken heart.

    Great performance as a group to all finish under 45 minutes.

    Wisdom was provided by Captain Goose and 40 burpees were completed during the Kraken victory feast.

    COT and Enron (on 2 liters of oxygen) prayed us out.

    Respect to F3 Greenwood for putting us through the ringer this month and even more respect to our new guys SuperFun(d) and Lil Cuz for starting this wild ride in September.

    The IPC month has been a humbling experience, but iron has definitely been sharpened with the Thibodaux Pax.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • “But Coach Siri, My Quads, My Hammies…” – from Goose

    YHC pulled up to see Enron doing burpees out by the highway, waving at cars and showing them on his fingers the number of reps he had done. It didn’t take him long to tell me that he had done 25 already, and after my questioning the wisdom of trying to chip away at the daily 100 before knowing what the beatdown had in store, he said, “Well, I mean, surely there won’t be more than 75 burpees.” YHC just shrugged and said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    After a warmup of the usual (backs were tight) with some additional mountain climbers to get the burpee muscles warm(er), YHC announced 11’s: burpees at the stage and Big Boi Situps at the opposite sidewalk, nur there and run back.
    Yankee, Joe was immediately overcome at the idea of running through the sprinklers and involuntarily sprinted to the minivan. Upon arriving, he regained his senses and began to reflect on the shaming he would endure and the potential name change if he peeled out of there at that moment, so he gathered himself and moseyed back mumbling something about needing to change his shoes. The sprinklers weren’t too much of a problem, though some added a couple hundred extra yards of nurring in an effort to avoid wet pants.

    After a nice, long recovery mosey, it was time to kill the rest of those burpees with a 5 minute EMOM of 10 burpees (10 burpees every minute, on the minute for 5 minutes = 50 burpees). It had been a while since YHC had included a burpee EMOM, and I couldn’t remember who was there and who had joined since then. That became very clear, however, after minute three as the usual shock to the system that comes from a new routine being much, much harder than it looks on paper began to set into most of the PAX. (YHC has since decided to wait until closer to the end of the month to introduce the more traditional 10 minute EMOM.).

    After enough oxygen seemed to be circulating through most of the PAX’s cardiovascular systems, it was time to move on to the virtual Dice of Doom inspired by Paradox’s amazing, homemade dice, revealed on Saturday. For this one, we would use Siri (“Hey, Siri, roll the dice.”). Siri, as we know, is just a mindless computer generating random numbers, but my phone is set to Irish Siri, who, as we discovered this morning, is a very different person. She seems to be much more interested in a no pain, no gain, relentless punishment, disciplinary sort of approach, and it seems she has a thing for Bonnie Blair, who may have Irish ancestry. Maybe Siri was preparing us for Krakken Thursday (there were a lot of merkins, too). Maybe she could feel Yankee Joe, Enron and Paradox getting proud of their physiques after this past month’s shenanigans and felt the need to inject some good old fashion humility. Or, maybe she could feel Montana’s potential exploding through the roof, and wanted to fully capitalize on his ability to grow right now. Or, maybe she could feel his head swelling after Paradox shared his unfiltered admiration for his newly muscled backside. Either way, not even YHC, with Q-drenaline running heavy, could keep his composure during the brutality that Coach Siri delivered.
    The first dice was the number of reps x5 (so. 1=5, 2=10, etc.), and the second dice gave us the exercise:
    1=merkins (ended up with 50 in a row)
    2=squats (only once x15)
    3=wife pleasers (not nearly enough)
    4=mountain climbers (a little more than enough)
    5=LBC’s (never happened)
    6=Bonnie Blairs (60 in a row at one point, 2 is 1)

    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out (thanks, bro).

    We completed a total of 105 Burpee‘s during the beatdown, and with Enron’s extra 25, some ideas were thrown about creating a burpee trust fund for Cardinal with the use of some sort of Venmo-type app for sharing and distribution.
    It was clear that Yankee Joe’s emotional disturbance and flight instinct hadn’t fully left him as he nearly took out a few neighborhood cars trying to escape the parking lot. But the mumblechatter later in the morning on the ISI channel proved that he is still very much in the game.

    Heckuva job, fellas, and thanks for joining me in what was a killer push this morning. Love being connected with you guys at our weakest and at our strongest.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Stupid is is Stupid Does – from Goose

    Armed with his trusty Anker, YHC rolled up to The Stage to a solid crew that included the newly minted Lil’ Cuz and an FNG from Cardinal’s parish in Chackbay (which was somewhat overdue for the king of EH-ing). After a lengthy disclaimer and a warmup of the usual, Anker was fired up, and YHC explained the culture of epic movies back in the day. When a big budget movie came out, everyone saw it dozens of times, quoted it for years, and it defined culture for decades. Though that happens more rarely these days given the glut of video media produced, YHC though it important to dive into one of the greatest epics of the 90’s, Forrest Gump.
    Using highlights from the soundtrack, we took a trip with Tom Hanks through the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, with a different exercise for each song (each played to the end, Paradox) as follows:

    * Hound Dog: Mountain climbers for the duration, 2 Carolina Dry Docks on “hound dog”
    * Walk Right in: Imperial Walker’s for the duration, prisoner squats on “sit right down”
    * Land of 1000 dances: Q calls different core exercises (cuz of all the dances), 100’s on “Na-nas”
    * Blowing in the wind: burpees for the duration, rest on refrain (How many burpees must a man throw down, before he can break for oxygen? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind…)
    * Fortunate Son: Chinooks for the duration, genuflection on “It ain’t me”
    * California Dreaming: SSH for the duration, Bonnie Blairs on “California dreaming” (2:1–you know, cuz she’s a speed skater…on ice…”on such a winter’s day”)
    * For what it’s worth: side plank, Mission Impossible plank for refrain, then switch sides (elbows in, Montana!)
    * Volunteers of America: bear crawl in a circle, switch to crab walk at “revolution” (once per refrain)
    * Let’s get together: Partner 1, back plank, feet on the back of Partner 2 who’s high planking, switch on refrain
    * Turn Turn Turn: wife pleasers, switch to J-Los on “Turn, Turn, Turn”, then back to wife pleasers, etc. (required some Q tweaking to even it out).

    The Pax enjoyed commentary comparing the lack of creativity in lyrics from the 50’s and early 60’s to Lil’ John’s “Turn Down for What” as well as Lil’ Cuz’s rookie realization that songs used in beatdowns are forever ruined and have to henceforth be removed from all playlists. Thankfully, most of these weren’t on any of his playlists.
    Count-off and name-off, including the naming of the FNG, which required an explanation as to how F3 names work, though Paradox wasn’t there for the standard example, so Enron had to suffice.
    Welcome to the crew, Super Fun! Excellent work, especially in having to approach a group of strange, middle-aged men standing in a circle in the dark and letting another man put his beefy, sweaty legs on your back. Looking forward to seeing you out there Saturday!
    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.
    Thanks for posting, gents! It’s an honor to be joined by you in the gloom!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • When Love Turns Violent – from Goose

    Five sore PAX and and FNG gathered in the gloom this morning to douse themselves in bug spray and uncover the “great plans” YHC had sneakily advertised the night before. After a warmup of the usual with some added hillbillies, mountain climbers, and requested grass grabbers to work out the soreness, YHC led a mosey to the start of Rich Man’s Loop (phone in hand).

    Thang 1: What’s in a Name?
    Today, Catholics celebrate the feast of the Holy Name of Mary, a chance to rejoice in the ways God showers blessings on those whom He chooses to take part in His saving work on earth. Mostly as a way to get a good many sprints in, YHC had a list of the many titles that have been given to Mary over the centuries, and the PAX had to fill in the blanks correctly or sprint to the next light post. If they got it right, it was only a mosey. YHC knew that Cardinal was on vacation, so the chances of success were low, but the PAX did surprisingly well, even those who didn’t grow up Catholic, so it really didn’t get rough until the last few posts. Yet another example of how imminent pain will jog even the most remote corners of the memory.

    Thang 2: More Enculturation
    In a repeat of last week’s structure, YHC introduced two more songs to the uncultured PAX. The first was another Irish shanty, this time about chemical plant workers, “The Chemical Workers Song,” by Great Big Sea. Plank for the duration, and merkins for every “Go”.
    The second was yet another ridiculous spoof (to follow last week’s “I Wanna Marry the Troops”), this time reaching back to some of the roots of spoof in the 70’s–we went with “Happy Boy” by the Beat Farmers, an absolutely ridiculous song that may have later set the tone for Weird Al’s career. Six-inch hold for the duration with knee tucks on every “Happy Boy”.

    Thang 2: F3 Poker
    While the PAX recovered from the brain numbing song, YHC retrieved the Deck of Death and then dealt 5 cards to each PAX. 2’s and Jokers were wild, which meant Paradox held four Jacks (including two Jokers), so his hand dictated the next 15 minutes or so of exercises. YHC decided to allow each of the Jokers to be something a little out there, so the first was 10 power merkins (partners perpendicular with partner 1’s feet on partner 2’s back). Both completed 10 merkins in unison then flapjacked.
    For the second Joker, YHC pulled out an old favorite, the Tunnel of Love. We were shocked when Paradox said he’d never done it–YHC assumed the FNG and maybe Montana would get a kick of doing it for the first time, but surely Paradox had done it before. But, his lack of experience was proven when, as YHC was recovering after all PAX had passed through the tunnel, he tried to go through again, only to receive a solid knee to the temple, UFC style. The sickening smack silenced the PAX for a brief moment, and then Goats instinctively popped up the concussion tent and asked him what his wife’s middle name was. He didn’t know, but he assured us that he’s a medical professional, he spent 10 years in school, his wife’s a doctor too, and he’s fine. So, on to the second hand.
    Goats blew away the competition with a royal straight, which started us with 25 burpees–a nice touch after the Iron Pax Challenge just a couple of days ago. YHC doesn’t remember much about what followed, just that 6:15 couldn’t get there fast enough. It did get there, though, before we could finish the hand, so all promised to do 25 dips in the car on the way home.

    Name-off (welcome Lil’ Cuz! Heck of a first workout!!), COT, and Goats prayed us out.
    It’s an honor to be part of such an awesome group of men.
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Circle of Life by Yankee Joe – from Goose

    The Circle of Life

    Recently, after acquiring his first set of progressive eyeglasses (let’s be honest…they’re trifocals), YHC had been reflecting heavily on his life journey thus far. In keeping with the melodramatic pondering that is called a “mid-life crisis,” YHC called on the wisdom of Mike Tyson.

    While exploring the pivotal issues of his day, Iron Mike once observed, “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.”

    Indeed, Michael, indeed.

    But what does this have to do with the Circle of Life? Just this…when you find yourself at the pinnacle of your life’s AS-cent, you are only moments away from biting ears and solving Scooby-Doo style mysteries on Adult Swim.

    In the depths of this brooding, the miniature Yankee Joe’s discovered “The Lion King” (the original version, of course…because I’m not a monster!) That broke YHC out of his funk and led to a more light-hearted backdrop to an otherwise dark beatdown.

    After doing a practice runthrough of said beatdown, YHC decided that cinder block coupons were not…well…safe. Thus, YHC showed up with 5 gallon jugs of water (albeit useless) handles. Paradox would later point out that there was a “sneaky psychological angle” in wanting desperately to drink the water. He did not, however, voice this concern during the beatdown as that would almost certainly be considered high-country mumblechatter. I digress.

    Notable Mentions:

    – Montana back in action. A drug dealer with tinted windows just makes this better.
    – Cardinal continues to dominate bear crawls in ways that YHC simply cannot understand and can only aspire to achieve.
    – A peace offering in which Paradox (chief lobbyist for JBL) chose to support Bosé in an awkward moment
    – Goose=Beast
    – Enron asked YHC to be his partner for the St. Vincent’s 500. YHC said yes.

    6 PAX at the Stage

    Warm-up:
    The usual suspects with some – apparently very challenging – wrist circles, then mosey around the track.

    Thang 1: Young and Hopeful

    – Absolutions (Groiner, Mahktar N’ Diayes, and Chilly Jack, done on an 8-count cadence); As always, thanks to Goose for maintaining the sanctity of the proper Exicon terminology
    – On the concrete; OYO for the duration of “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” (3 min.)
    – Real men should be able to complete 34ish reps. YHC is not a real man.

    Thang 2: You must crawl before you walk…or for that matter, before you do lunges with coupons

    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); army crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); zombie crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); bear crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); lunges back to start; 5 big boys
    – High skips WITH coupon, 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); high skips back to start; 5 big boys
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); 5 big boys

    Thang 3: In Your Prime
    – For the duration of Hakuna Matata (3 min, 33 sec)
    – With coupon, continuing step ups on ledge in stage pavillion, alternating legs
    – With coupon, 5 squats on every Hakuna Matata

    Thang 4: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return” Gen 3:19

    Reverse Thang 2
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 5 calf jumps; 5 superman raises
    – High skips WITH coupon, 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises

    Mary’s…kinda sorta

    – WITH coupon; Assortment of what began as four ab exercises for the duration of “Circle of Life” (4 min), alternating randomly at the discretion of the Q.
    – WWII sit-ups, big boys, flutter kicks holding coupon high, obliques
    – At some point, Enron decided to point out that YHC was not transitioning in the order that it was explained. YHC then added superman raises (with coupon) and American hammers. Enron then further rebelled by not doing superman raises because he allegedly had no skin on his left knee from army crawls.

    As YHC continues to learn the ways of the Force, he must become better at explaining thangs and keeping up with Goose.

    Gents, thanks for keeping YHC in his Prime and out of the fart sack.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe