F3 New Orleans

Tag: Steve

  • Wall to Wall Disappointment – from Steve

    Man, this was the kinda crowd where you gotta have your coffee before you show up to Q. That or a shot of Jaegermeister.

    Not only did YHC have Bush texting the night before, making sure it would be an “impactful” beatdown before he committed to posting, but I had the Wacker progeny after me as well, with Duke apparently complaining that morning that, “Oh Mr. Steve’s workouts are never that hard.”

    Et tu, Duke?

    YHC had the last laugh, though, conjuring images of Mandeville’s long-dormant Machete Man just before Duke attempted to relieve his bladder in Granny’s bamboo forest. The little man noped right outta there!

    Now I can’t say that this beatdown was impactful, but hey, we did try a few new things. Started each round with a different wall exercise at the far end of the corridor, followed by another exercise x15 at each of three points around the trailhead, before circling back for some calf raises. Rinse and repeat.

    The wall (and subsequent) exercises were:
    BTTW crawl —> 15 jump squats (x3)
    Donkey Kicks x15 —> 15 merkins (x3)
    Hip Slappers x 15 IC —> 15x big boys (x3)
    People’s Chair w/ Air Presses x 100 —> 15x SMK’s IC (x3)
    Dirty hookup x15 (2:1) —> 15x T-merkins (x3)

    Everyone was bummed that we had to save the Chicken Peckers for a later date, but hey, we did get to hear many tales along the way.

    We learned that Jose on vacation in Grenada is the same Jose that we get every week: he nearly memorialized his 10k status on TripAdvisor, threatening the airline that he’d run from the hotel to the airport if they didn’t provide a taxi to get his lost luggage. Considering Jose’s recent mastery of the backblast, I think we can all agree that the world has been deprived of a very unique TripAdvisor review.

    What else… Three of the pax (Russo, Bush, Cowbell) had successfully run the Crescent City Classic over the weekend. Cowbell reminisced about the time the amphitheater bats chased him down the block. Duke counted cadence with the salty authority of the gunnery sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. (Duke also showed us the opposite of “intensify to modify,” with his Dead Superman modification of the t-merkins reminding me of the old days and the infamous “Nacho plank.”) Bushwacker lit fire to his reputation as a tight wad and made it rain this weekend, buying trips and vehicles that would’ve given the Bush of old an aneurism. And last, but certainly not least, we learned that you don’t cut in front of bear-killer Coachella at the lunch line at Piccadilly, even if you are a child. Bad things happen and this man has no problem stepping over your dead body for another scoop of carrot soufflé.

    COT, announcements of the Zoorich Classic this Saturday, Legal’s party on May 10th, and Coachella’s birthday party coming up in June. Stay tuned for details on the latter, which promises to be a Breakfast Club-type collision of stereotypes. And finally, Russo prayed us out.

    T-claps to Coach, who is making a concerted effort to post to multiple weekday beatdowns from here on out. (Be on the lookout for him at Thursday’s Scramble, minus the plate armor.)

    And thank you gentlemen for posting this morning and pushing me to get a little better. Appreciate you.

    Except for Bushwacker, who summarized my effort to make this an impactful beatdown as…

    “Eh.”

  • What’s my password? I should write it down. – from Russo

    Here’s the progression of thought: I forgot it was Tax day, and the next thing you know, the conversation revolves around passwords (not the super cool TV game show) and secret IRA and checking accounts. One thing leads to another, and then it’s “I’m at the age where I feel like if I died I’d have done a good enough job and my family would be ok”, preceded by “yeah we’re at that drop dead age now.” Once again, you had to be there.

    Here’s a few passwords for today’s beatdown:

    “Solid” – some people are just dependable. Some are not. Steve is the former. A regular at Granny’s, even when it’s not his Q.

    “Weatheriswarmer” – not the kind of stifling heat and humidity yet, but juuuuust on the cusp.

    “Babysitter247” – Steve’s got young entrepreneurs that are learning the value of a dollar.

    “Getofftheroad911” – my 2.0 is itching to get out on the road after one day of driver’s ed. Get your errands done early.

    Warmup (all 10x IC)
    – Imperial walkers
    – Arm circles
    – Good mornings
    – Grass grabbers
    – Torso twists
    – Cherry pickers

    Thang
    Mosey to the bridge, where at every block it was 20 plankjacks and 20 squats.

    At the bridge: 7s (Peter Parker’s merkins and Donkey kicks)

    Between:
    – Mosey 2x
    – Carioca
    – Back pedal
    – Lunge walk
    – Side Shuffle

    Back at the pad, Mary included some 15x IC core (LBC, Gas Pumps, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs).

    COT, NOR, Announcements, and Prayer closed us out. SYITG

  • 4-Mile Mayhem – from Shooter

    This is nowhere near as epic as the previous one, but we did our best with less time. I hope you all enjoy:

    The sun had barely risen when Shooter, smelling faintly of gunpowder and deer pee, rallied the troops for a 4-mile run through the suburban wilderness. Clad in camo shorts and suspicious confidence, he declared, “If we see a squirrel, it’s dinner.”

    Waterpik, always fresh from a fluoride rinse and reeking of peppermint, warned everyone to floss or die. He spent most of the run critiquing everyone’s gum health between wheezes.

    Bushwacker tried to take a shortcut through some hedges, screaming “I’m one with the landscape!” before tripping over a sprinkler head and performing a full scissor-kick dismount into someone’s rosebush. Nature: 1, Bushwacker: bloodied. It’s not the first time we has scissoring during a beatdown in Mandeville

    Hammer, the group’s legal eagle, spent the entire run drafting a class-action lawsuit against cardio. He cited mental anguish, chafing, and unsolicited motivational phrases as grounds for litigation. He began quoting 80s legal dramas, which most of us could not recall. We simply pleaded the 5th.

    Ballz Deep, who insists tennis counts as both cardio and therapy, ran in short shorts and a headband, aggressively grunting with every step like he was serving at Wimbledon. People stared. Children cried. He never broke pace.

    Then came Jose10k, part educator, part miracle worker, and fully out of place among this testosterone-fueled chaos. He delivered inspirational quotes mid-stride and tried to turn the run into a teachable moment. Unfortunately, nobody passed his pop quiz on “Proper Pacing and You.” So he decided to Ruck. He was going to quote Dangerous Minds while listening to Coolio, just to change up his play list to appease Cowbell.

    They finished the 4 miles sweaty, slightly broken, and somehow closer than ever. No records were broken, but egos certainly were. One thing’s for sure: adult fitness looks less like a Nike ad and more like a comedy sketch filmed in slow motion.

    Same time next week? God help us.

  • Workout Review: Grandmas House, The Marsh of Madness Rated R for Ridiculousness, Regret, and Rampant Burpee Abuse. An movie inspired back blast for a resident film editor: Steve – from Steve

    This morning’s workout was led by none other than Steve, a man with the calm demeanor of a yoga instructor and the workout intensity of a caffeinated Navy SEAL. Spirits were high, the weather was decent, and then—it happened. Frank opened his mouth.
    STARRING

    Steve as The Relentless Commander
    Fitness guru? Torture artist? Hard to say. Wears a watch that doesn’t tell time—it tells reps.

    Frank as The Unfiltered Oracle. He was the reason we couldn’t keep cadence
    Speaks only in political hot takes May or may not be sponsored by FoxNews.

    Shooter as The Deer Whisperer
    Disappears in the woods, can camp out with just a tarp and a stick. If the emp hits us, the only one of us who could survive because he know how to purify his own urine.

    Russo as The Conspiracy Theorist
    Chem trails, JFK assassination, Bigfoot, he knows all of the worlds secrets. Keeps a personal vendetta against half-reps.

    Jose10k as The Distance Demon
    Runs 10K before the workout just to feel warm. Laughs at burpees because he rely does them. Rumored to have an actual sponsorship from Advil.

    What followed was less a fitness session and more a live taping of a political stand-up special. The laughter was so violent, we couldn’t keep cadence or count. Hell, at one point I think someone tried to do a jumping jack and just fell over laughing. It was chaos. Steve tried to restore order like a desperate substitute teacher, but the image of Frank talking politics and Trump had the floor—and the filibuster.

    Eventually, we moseyed to the marsh, where Steve unveiled his twisted plan. Every stop sign became a mini-Hell: 5 Kraken burpees , 10 Sister Mary Catherines 10 and gas pumps
    Now Steve claimed it was “only 5 Kraken burpees,” but time warped. I aged. I saw my ancestors. I met a raccoon who offered me a cigarette and said, “You don’t wanna go back in there.”

    Sadly (or perhaps wisely), I had to leave early. But here’s how I imagine it played out after my escape:

    Final Act: “Marshageddon”

    Steve, shirtless and shimmering with sweat like a demigod forged in pre-workout, leads the group deeper into the foggy marsh. Frank, in spirit form, still monologuing about the federal reserve, is doing bear crawls backward while reciting Reagan speeches.

    Suddenly, Steve bellows, “MERMAN DRILLS!” Everyone dives into a stagnant puddle. Two men don’t resurface. Gas pumps evolve into explosive gas pump combos. Sister Mary descends from the heavens with a kettlebell and blesses the pain.

    The final challenge? Shooter pulling his Fit out of the marsh using only resistance bands and pure arm strength.

    They return to the parking lot mud-soaked, spiritually broken, and somehow stronger. No one speaks. They simply nod, silently agreeing to never speak of this morning again.

    10/10.
    Would recommend to people I hate.
    Bring a towel, a therapist, and maybe a priest.

    After COT, there is a post credit scene.
    [POST-CREDITS SCENE: “Marsh of Madness” – The Swamp Strikes Again]

    Fade in: eerie silence. Fog hangs low over the marsh. A single stop sign stands crooked, half-submerged in murky water.

    [Camera pans slowly…]

    A lone figure appears in the distance… it’s Frank, shirtless, wearing compression shorts and Crocs. He’s holding a whiteboard and a megaphone.

    Frank (yelling into the void):
    “Let’s talk about the real reason burpees were invented—government control!”

    The marsh ripples. Something stirs beneath the surface.

    [Suddenly, bubbles rise… a Kraken tentacle shoots up, slapping the whiteboard out of his hands.]

    Frank (unfazed):
    “Oh, you’ve been listening to the mainstream media workout plans, haven’t you?”

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Hello to the muggies!! – from Shooter

    Almost forgot what it felt like to be sweating by the first stop sign. This gloom provided a reminder of what is soon to come. The Muggies are back and so is Cowbell..
    5 PAX posted for the Scramble
    10k Rucked, Steve and Cowbell paced and Waterpik and YHC moseyed.
    We made it back and wrapped up with some core.

    Appreciate the post and until the next Gloom
    👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • F3 A to Z – from Bushwacker

    It’s a rare thing that seems to happen just a hand full of times a year, and when it happens it makes me envy my future self. That thing is the opportunity to visit F3 Northshore’s own Retirement Village in downtown Covington, also known as the Gipper.
    So YHC figured he ought to throw down an equally, if not more, rare beatdown to the the PAX that make a 44 and 46 year old, respectively, the “kiddos” of the AO…

    WARMORAMA

    In the interest of time Q kept it short and sweet and covered all the basics:
    All IC x10:
    Torso Twists
    Self Love
    Hi Knees
    Butt Kicks

    THANG

    The rep counts varied, as did IC vs OYO, but here’s a complete list of the exercises grumblingly (new and appropriate adverb) completed by the assemblage of PAX with the combined “experience” of more than 340 years:

    Absolution
    Big Boy Sit Ups
    Cut-a-Flip
    Dying Cockroach
    E2K
    Freddy Mercurys
    Guantanamo
    Hundreds
    Indian Crab Walk(missed you Legal!)
    Jackees
    Killer B’s
    LLCoolJs
    Monkey Humpers
    Never Cross Dolly
    Obamas (Tanks’s favorite!)
    People’s Air Press
    Quixote (new exercise)
    Rochamburpees
    SSH
    T Merkins
    Upstraddle Hop
    Van Godas
    Werkins
    XYs
    Yurpees
    Zombie Crunches

    And so you see, from A to Z the PAX put in the work. Though grumbles did bely the fact that some of them did hurt. But certainly you’ve heard it said “no pain, no gain”, it’s true. So post tomorrow, if you dare, cause Wacker’s got that Q too!

    SYITG

  • Lord of the Flies you say? – from Russo

    Conversations tend to get out of hand on occasion early in the morning. What starts with a simple “How was your weekend?” quickly turns into something greater, and in this instance at Granny’s, it was “Next thing you it’s a Lord of the Flies situation”. You have to be there to appreciate.

    Pax of 4 for the beatdown.

    Warmups (IC 10x)
    – SSHs
    – Torso twists
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Grass grabbers
    – Imperial walkers

    Thang
    Ye olde tried and true deck of death, using the benches as changes of scenery:

    Spades – urkins
    Clubs – step ups
    Diamonds – freak nastys
    Hearts – BSSs

    Spades – Peter Parker’s
    Clubs – shoulder tap plank jacks (2 is 1)
    Diamonds – lunges (2 is 1)
    Hearts – leg raises

    Spades – Merkins
    Clubs – Monkey Humpers
    Diamonds – SMCs
    Hearts – American hammers

    Between the rounds, we slalomed the columns and did 2 calf raises up each are of the pilot house

    Mary was a one minute plank.

    We finished with COT, NOR, and quick prayer.
    Thanks to the three krewe men for joining.
    SYITG

  • Post St. Patrick Day Fun – from Steve

    I am stuck in my annual LEAP testing training so I decided to do Steve’s backblast post St. Patricks Day!

    There once was a man stuck in review,
    With nothing important to do.
    So he wrote with some flair,
    ‘Bout Steve’s lack of care,
    And a workout that barely pulled through!

    They warmed up but couldn’t keep pace,
    Poor Steve had a look of disgrace.
    With counting all botched,
    And focus half-watched,
    It turned to a comedy case!

    They crawled and they climbed in despair,
    Then ninjas showed up from nowhere!
    Or maybe, instead,
    Leprechauns leapt ahead,
    (But I left, so I really don’t care).