F3 New Orleans

Tag: Speedy Gonzales

  • The Bear Necessities (Song)

    Look for the bear necessities
    The simple bear necessities
    Forget about your whining and your strife
    I mean the bear necessities
    Old Grundy’s evil recipes
    That brings the bear necessities to life

    Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
    I couldn’t be fonder, of my F3 bro’s
    The PAX as fussy as can be
    And to think it’s all because of me
    When they looked into the groupme chats
    And took a glance at the glove demands
    Then said, maybe I’ll fartsack this too…

    The bear necessities of life will come find you
    They’ll come find you! (Looking at you EIEI)

    Look for the bear necessities
    The “simple” bear necessities
    500 yards of bear crawls will suffice
    I mean the bear necessities
    Then after we can rest at ease
    With just the bear necessities of life. (Coffee and F2)
    With just those bear necessities of life!!!

    Hope you enjoyed the song! I’ll be releasing an album of all of my F3 hits coming this Fall.

    YHC thought that all of us needed a good reminder of just how hard a Saturday F3 beatdown could be. Those 15 extra minutes can be absolutely brutal. We always need that reminder.

    With that in mind, this beatdown was going to bring a pain that will never be forgotten.

    #NeverForget

    Warmup

    SSH 20 IC
    Seal Jacks 20 IC
    Shoulder Series
    Carolina Dry Docks 10 IC

    Mosey to the open field for the main event.

    THE THANG

    FIVE ROUNDS:
    20x SQUAT JUMPS
    50 YARD BEAR CRAWL

    Before we moved onto the next set of crawls we hit core with some Reverse Manny Crunches and LBCs.

    FOUR ROUNDS:
    20x SPLIT JUMP each side (sister mary catherines)
    40 YARD BEAR CRAWL

    THREE ROUNDS:
    20x BURPEE
    30 YARD BEAR CRAWL

    We formed two lines and staggered back indian run style to the flag. After we got back, an excellent display of what F3 is all about occurred with many men going back to leave no F3 man behind.

    We circled up and counted off and Butt Splice prayed us out.

    I couldn’t be more proud to be a part of this group of the highest quality men and to be pushed beyond what I believe is possible. It’s an absolute honor to be able to lead you men any opportunity I get.

    Until next time (after I’ve recovered from this one…)

    Grundy

  • Fuzzy Balls

    22 PAX strong on the Mandeville Lakefront. 23 if you count Brat who joined us for a little foreplay as he works his way off injured reserve. Brat, an officer with the NOPD, injured himself successfully tackling and arresting a bad guy. The PAX’s consensus is that he should use a Tazer next time Indiana Jones style or perhaps transfer to a Northshore police agency where a polite request to stop, issued with an English accent, is all that is required to apprehend a criminal.

    Kicked things off with warmup of seal jacks, toe touches, SSHs, imperial walkers, merkins, and Jane Fondas. We then divided into three teams, and YHC retrieved his bag and revealed his fuzzy balls.

    Each team received a fuzzy tennis ball (yes, YHC had three) and instructions to race with it about a half mile west along the Lakefront to the Shaft. To begin, there were only three rules: first, you cannot run if you are holding the ball; second, no pass backs-you cannot receive a pass back from the man you just passed to; and third, the entire team had to stop dead and perform five burpees every time the ball touched the ground before proceeding. Then Cowbell whipped a legal pad out of his briefcase and starting asking questions and for clarification on a few items so we ended up with a few more rules. No wonder you guys don’t get anything done on the Southshore.

    Circled up upon arrival at the Shaft for T merkins and alternating Supermans..

    Back to the races with another tennis ball sprint further westward along the Lakefront to the playground where we circled up for prisoner squats, hand release merkins and crab cakes.

    Raced back eastward with our fuzzy balls to the Shaft for a third COP consisting of a merkin wave, lunges, Supermans, arm circles, overhead hand claps, and air presses.

    One final race back to the shovel flag, wrapping things up with some Mary…single leg raises, scuba Steves and a 60 second plank.

    Countorama, nameorama and Phoenix prayed us out on the way to the coffeeteria.

    Thanks for letting me lead, guys, and thanks for competing so earnestly in the silly tennis ball game.

  • Run For the Roses It Was Not

    With the rain clouds threatening, and the forecast looking just as ominous, YHC did not know how many PAX would brave the elements for today’s beatdown. Of course, YHC should have known better as 17 men posted on the Mandeville Lakefront despite the rainy, wet conditions. Actually, the rain combined with a nice breeze to cool things off, providing a break from the recent humidity. But of course, mornings like this one are reminders of what it means and feels like to be “alive”, as Maverick alluded to in our closing prayer.

    WARMARAMA

    SSHs, Good Mornings, Torso Twists, High Knees, Butt Kicks, all to about 15 IC

    THANG

    Hat’s off to ZooRich for his imaginative, golf-themed beatdown last Saturday on the Lakefront. From what I hear, it was legendary! With no ideas of Grandeur Dancing around in YHCs very small brain, YHC decided it was time for a downpainment (more on that later) of sorts. After a quick mosey to the east towards RIPS, it was time to circle up for some Al Gore’s (3 sets, about 30 sec hold). Sprinkle in a set of Peter Parker’s and Parker Peter’s and it was time to mosey eastward again. Before turning up Lamarque St. to head to the Milestone Marsh, the PAX hit the seawall for some: Freak Nasties, Derkins, and Step-Ups.

    Sweat pouring, the PAX headed up Lamarque St. circling up at each intersection for some exercises: Flutter Kicks, Hello Dollies, Mission Impossible, Crunchy Frogs. The neighbors must have wondered, “who are these idiots, laying in the street while its raining?”

    MILESTONE MARSH

    Circle up at midcourt for a quick Merkin Wave, then down to Chill Cut with nearly each man giving a 10 count before recovering. Before heading back to the Lakefront, YHC must have been having a flashback to a recent Bushwacker-led beatdown at the Marsh: 10 Burpees.

    Indian Run back to the Lakefront with the last man dropping for 2 merkins before sprinting to the front of the line.

    Back at the Lakefront, YHC realized he had forgotten to recognize the master 10 Burpees. After all, Bushwacker borrowed it from somebody, don’t we all do that? Yes we do; so hat’s off to Coconuts, the master of 10 Burpees at the Milestone Marsh. Here’s hoping to a return to health, my friend!

    Circle Up on Lakeshore Dr. one last time for a rapid fire series of Bear Crawls, Bunny Hops, Shuffles, Back Pedals, and Sprints back and forth to the seawall. For good measure, sprinkle in some merkins, box jumps and freak nasties.

    With no time to spare, it was time to head back to the flag for Count off, Name o rama and COT. Welcome FNG Hansel, one of Zoolander’s neighbors (how many neighbors does he have?) to F3 Northshore. I hope your experience will be as powerful as mine.

    Thanks to Maverick for praying us out.

    Thanks men for braving the elements this morning. Thanks for following my lead, despite the lack of creativity for the beatdown. I heard that no one paid the green fee at the Zoorich Classic last Saturday, so good citizens as we are, I felt F3 Northshore had to make a little downpainment with interest.

  • ZOORICH CLASSIC

    After a quick disclaimer and Warmorama (18 x SSH, 18 x Toe Touches, 9 Windmills), the Pax moseyed westward and partnered up to commence a frisbee golf challenge. We had 18 holes i.e. crawfish trays (‘tis the season!) with a total course length of ~1 mile. For each hole, one partner threw the high quality, PDGA-approved disc (courtesy of Dollar General), while the other partner performed the following exercises between strokes for the respective holes. Partners alternated throwing and exercising throughout the course.

    Between Strokes

    Holes 1 – 3: Bear Crawl

    Holes 4 – 6: Wheelbarrow

    Holes 7 – 9: Lunge Walk

    Holes 10 – 12: Groucho Walk

    Holes 13 – 15: Frankensteins

    Holes 16 – 18: Burpee Broad Jumps

    Once the team completed a hole, both team members performed the following exercises with the rep count equal to how many strokes the team took to complete the hole.

    Hole          Exercise

    1                # x Freak Nasties

    2                # x Jump Squats

    3                # x Derkins

    4                #  x Squerkins

    5               # x Copperhead Squats

    6               # x Hello Dollies

    7               # x Gwerkins (As if the Squerkins weren’t bad enough)

    8               # x Burpees

    9               # x Donkey Kicks

    10            # x Plank Jacks

    11            # x Sister Mary Katherines

    12           #  x Big Boy Situps

    13           # x Crunchy Frogs

    14           # x Groiners

    15          # x Body Builders

    16          #  x Dive Bombers

    17         # x Box Jumps (No one completed as time ran out)

    18         # x Patty Cake Merkins (No one completed as time ran out)

    Team BEAN HAMMER started out rough with the first throw on the first hole in the Lake, but quickly recovered.

    Team STEVE GRUNDY put on a racy display of Squerkins, which are very likely to never be incorporated into another F3 Northshore beatdown.

    Welcome back two Pax back from Injured Reserve, Butt Splice and Tanked Up!, who inadvertently won unattributable points for best team name: BUTT TANK!

    Thanks to team JOSE RUSSO for scooping up the coupons at the end.

    Team scores were recorded on scorecards provided by the Q and tallied below with penalty 6s for unfinished holes. This simplified scoring normalization yielded team Shooting Sparks as winner of the 2019 Zoorich Classic. Congrats guys. Wear this badge of honor proudly!

    Counterama, Name-orama, ceremonial naming of FNG – Speedy Gonzales, and Butt Splice prayed us out. 19th hole coffeeteria at our usual spot. Thanks for allowing me to lead, Men. Hope you enjoyed it as much as YHC had dreaming it up. SYITNG!

  • Field of Dreams

    “Shoeless” Joe Jackson:  “Is this Heaven?”

    Ray Kinsella:  “No, it’s Iowa.”

    YHC has never been to Iowa.  He has, however, been to Baton Rouge….Saturday morning as a matter of fact…and has to admit that Highland Park is beatdown heaven.  If we build it in Baton Rouge, they will come…just like Charlotte, just like NOLA, and yes just like the Northshore…that is a certainty.

    So seven Northshore PAX arrived in the Highland Park Gloom, appearing seemingly out of the mist like Shoeless Joe Jackson and his teammates, ready to play ball.  It went like this after a thorough and legally binding Disclaimer:

    The Warmup

    Determined to deliver knowledge, each Northshore PAX led one of our standard warmup exercises then picked out one of the Baton Rouge PAX to repeat it.  YHC kicked things off with Seal Jacks 10x IC, kicked it to Worms for a repeat, EiEi picked it up for Hillbillies 10x IC,  kicked it to Rocket for a repeat, and so on working through High Knees, Butt Kicks, Side Saddle Hops, Copperhead Squats, Good Mornings, and Imperial Walkers.  False starts, mental lapses, and counting errors a plenty but, hey, the School of Q was in session and the Northshore PAX could have stayed in their fartsacks instead of piling in the Clown Car for the road trip  if the BR PAX already knew the drill.

    The Thang

    Shooter took over for a Tabata set with Merkins and Plank Jacks as the featured exercises.  30 seconds on, 10 seconds rest, repeat 3 rounds.  Professor Shooter then explained to our Baton Rouge brothers the versatility of the Tabata format for delivering pain through a variety of featured exercises, dropping a big pearl of wisdom on the BR men.

    Mosey to the Sundial where Steve unleashed his trademarked Bulgarian Squats on the PAX.  Sprinkling in Freak Nasties, Step Ups and Derkins had the BR PAX thinking that they were no longer in the minor league.

    And if that didn’t do it, the Mosey over to the top of Mount Highland Park for Burpback Mountain definitely signaled the arrival to the Big League.   Partnering up, teams of PAX performed 100 burpees…one partner running down the mountain to the stream and then back up while his partners performed as many burpees as possible on the way to 100.  Is it worth crawling out of the fartsack for an easy beatdown?  Negative.

    Mosey back towards the Shovel Flags where THE Manny set the PAX up for a plank slalom.  16 PAX planked up while the last man sprinted/backpedaled through the others, planking up himself when he reached the end and signaling the next man to get busy.  Once the last PAX completed his sprint/backpedal slalom, it was time for a 10 count refresher course before the PAX moved on to Mary.

    Carpool educated the Baton Rouge PAX on LBCs and then EiEi delivered the final pitch of the morning with his legendary Jane Fonda sequence.

    Countorama, nameorama, and THE Manny prayed us out on our way to the coffeeteria.

    The Northshore PAX was honored to lead.  Thanks for having us.