F3 New Orleans

Tag: Shooter

  • I love the 80s – from Jose10k

    80s had the greatest entertainment

    YHC made his long-awaited return to the A1C after a tropical “vacation” that was equal parts Club Med and Gilligan’s Island, with a wardrobe sponsored by TSA incompetence. I arrived early because as usual, I couldn’t sleep. I picked 80s music on my Pandora, desperately trying to change up my playlist to appease Cowbell. I started thinking of all the excellent 80s movies: The Terminator, Flashdance, Weird Science, Maximum Overdrive, Tango and Cash, The Princess Bride, and The Last Dragon. Feel free to add your favorite in the comments, I can’t wait to see Hammer’s favorites. Anyways, I was happy to be back at the A1C. Don’t get me wrong, the Mandeville AOs are cool—kind of like a John Hughes movie where everyone is polite but the A1C? That’s pure RoadHouse—gritty, shirtless, and occasionally bloody. If you think about it though, Mandeville has its own 80s movie stars:
    Steve-Michael J Fox- come on, he’s definitely Marty McFly or Alex P. Keaton
    Russo-Robin Williams- He’s Mork mainly due to the excess hair or Roddy Pipper as Nada in They Live
    Shooter-Jesse the Body Ventura as Blain in the Predator- “I ain’t got time to bleed”
    Bushwacker-John Ritter as Jack Tripper in Threes Company

    Any who, I could continue, but I need to write this back blast….

    My boy Moby, youthful as ever, joined me in our ritual prethang laps. Then Darkwing swooped in, looking like he just stepped off the set of Batman, and it was time to party.

    Warm-ups kicked off while I regaled the crew with the highlight reel from my Caribbean adventure: Luggage: lost somewhere between Miami and “whoops. Swimwear: makeshift combo of sports bra and gym shorts which reminded me of Flashdance lol. Snorkeling with octopi and tropical fish gave off “The Abyss” type of vibe. Underwater sculptures and plenty of Caribbean rum.

    Then came the Ladder of Fun
    10 Sumo Squats – Drop it low like you’re trying to impress Prince in 1984. Sprint down the stairs and up the ramps like you’re chasing after One Eyed Willy’s treasure while listening to Cindy Lauper. Back at the top add 10 Lunges (2 is 1) – Richard Simmons would be proud of us so far, God rest his soul. Run again. Add 10 Monkey Humpers – Do y’all remember that goofy movie: Howard the Duck. Run Again. Add 10 Dirkins – Pushups, but make it Miami Vice—cool, cocky, and boat shoes with no socks, blazers with the arms rolled up. Run again. Add 10 Freak Nasties. Run again. Finish with 10 Burpees
    COT with intentions for Darkwings mother and mother in law. The Zoorich classic is tomorrow. Time for some pain and frisbee golf.

    “Pain fades, glory lasts, and monkey humpers are forever – Sir Richard Simmons

  • 4-Mile Mayhem – from Shooter

    This is nowhere near as epic as the previous one, but we did our best with less time. I hope you all enjoy:

    The sun had barely risen when Shooter, smelling faintly of gunpowder and deer pee, rallied the troops for a 4-mile run through the suburban wilderness. Clad in camo shorts and suspicious confidence, he declared, “If we see a squirrel, it’s dinner.”

    Waterpik, always fresh from a fluoride rinse and reeking of peppermint, warned everyone to floss or die. He spent most of the run critiquing everyone’s gum health between wheezes.

    Bushwacker tried to take a shortcut through some hedges, screaming “I’m one with the landscape!” before tripping over a sprinkler head and performing a full scissor-kick dismount into someone’s rosebush. Nature: 1, Bushwacker: bloodied. It’s not the first time we has scissoring during a beatdown in Mandeville

    Hammer, the group’s legal eagle, spent the entire run drafting a class-action lawsuit against cardio. He cited mental anguish, chafing, and unsolicited motivational phrases as grounds for litigation. He began quoting 80s legal dramas, which most of us could not recall. We simply pleaded the 5th.

    Ballz Deep, who insists tennis counts as both cardio and therapy, ran in short shorts and a headband, aggressively grunting with every step like he was serving at Wimbledon. People stared. Children cried. He never broke pace.

    Then came Jose10k, part educator, part miracle worker, and fully out of place among this testosterone-fueled chaos. He delivered inspirational quotes mid-stride and tried to turn the run into a teachable moment. Unfortunately, nobody passed his pop quiz on “Proper Pacing and You.” So he decided to Ruck. He was going to quote Dangerous Minds while listening to Coolio, just to change up his play list to appease Cowbell.

    They finished the 4 miles sweaty, slightly broken, and somehow closer than ever. No records were broken, but egos certainly were. One thing’s for sure: adult fitness looks less like a Nike ad and more like a comedy sketch filmed in slow motion.

    Same time next week? God help us.

  • Workout Review: Grandmas House, The Marsh of Madness Rated R for Ridiculousness, Regret, and Rampant Burpee Abuse. An movie inspired back blast for a resident film editor: Steve – from Steve

    This morning’s workout was led by none other than Steve, a man with the calm demeanor of a yoga instructor and the workout intensity of a caffeinated Navy SEAL. Spirits were high, the weather was decent, and then—it happened. Frank opened his mouth.
    STARRING

    Steve as The Relentless Commander
    Fitness guru? Torture artist? Hard to say. Wears a watch that doesn’t tell time—it tells reps.

    Frank as The Unfiltered Oracle. He was the reason we couldn’t keep cadence
    Speaks only in political hot takes May or may not be sponsored by FoxNews.

    Shooter as The Deer Whisperer
    Disappears in the woods, can camp out with just a tarp and a stick. If the emp hits us, the only one of us who could survive because he know how to purify his own urine.

    Russo as The Conspiracy Theorist
    Chem trails, JFK assassination, Bigfoot, he knows all of the worlds secrets. Keeps a personal vendetta against half-reps.

    Jose10k as The Distance Demon
    Runs 10K before the workout just to feel warm. Laughs at burpees because he rely does them. Rumored to have an actual sponsorship from Advil.

    What followed was less a fitness session and more a live taping of a political stand-up special. The laughter was so violent, we couldn’t keep cadence or count. Hell, at one point I think someone tried to do a jumping jack and just fell over laughing. It was chaos. Steve tried to restore order like a desperate substitute teacher, but the image of Frank talking politics and Trump had the floor—and the filibuster.

    Eventually, we moseyed to the marsh, where Steve unveiled his twisted plan. Every stop sign became a mini-Hell: 5 Kraken burpees , 10 Sister Mary Catherines 10 and gas pumps
    Now Steve claimed it was “only 5 Kraken burpees,” but time warped. I aged. I saw my ancestors. I met a raccoon who offered me a cigarette and said, “You don’t wanna go back in there.”

    Sadly (or perhaps wisely), I had to leave early. But here’s how I imagine it played out after my escape:

    Final Act: “Marshageddon”

    Steve, shirtless and shimmering with sweat like a demigod forged in pre-workout, leads the group deeper into the foggy marsh. Frank, in spirit form, still monologuing about the federal reserve, is doing bear crawls backward while reciting Reagan speeches.

    Suddenly, Steve bellows, “MERMAN DRILLS!” Everyone dives into a stagnant puddle. Two men don’t resurface. Gas pumps evolve into explosive gas pump combos. Sister Mary descends from the heavens with a kettlebell and blesses the pain.

    The final challenge? Shooter pulling his Fit out of the marsh using only resistance bands and pure arm strength.

    They return to the parking lot mud-soaked, spiritually broken, and somehow stronger. No one speaks. They simply nod, silently agreeing to never speak of this morning again.

    10/10.
    Would recommend to people I hate.
    Bring a towel, a therapist, and maybe a priest.

    After COT, there is a post credit scene.
    [POST-CREDITS SCENE: “Marsh of Madness” – The Swamp Strikes Again]

    Fade in: eerie silence. Fog hangs low over the marsh. A single stop sign stands crooked, half-submerged in murky water.

    [Camera pans slowly…]

    A lone figure appears in the distance… it’s Frank, shirtless, wearing compression shorts and Crocs. He’s holding a whiteboard and a megaphone.

    Frank (yelling into the void):
    “Let’s talk about the real reason burpees were invented—government control!”

    The marsh ripples. Something stirs beneath the surface.

    [Suddenly, bubbles rise… a Kraken tentacle shoots up, slapping the whiteboard out of his hands.]

    Frank (unfazed):
    “Oh, you’ve been listening to the mainstream media workout plans, haven’t you?”

  • April 1,000 2025 – from Grundy

    Scratch sound followed by the following message…

    “We did 1,000 reps combined of burpees and Bobby Hurleys. We also moved weights in a bucket and a cinder block.”

    … We now return you to your show already in progress.

  • April Fool’s Workout: The Legend of Grundy and the Bucket of Doom – from Grundy

    This morning, the sun rose on an unsuspecting group of warriors, ready for another classic April Fool’s workout. Grundy, our fearless leader, arrived with Jose Russo Bushwacker Shooter, who may or may not be a real person but certainly sounded like a guy who meant business. We all chuckled, debating whether we should start with a solid 30 minutes of warm-ups or just dive into the rich history of pranks from workouts past. But no—Grundy was in no mood for jokes today. He had a bucket full of stones and a soul full of vengeance.

    The madness began immediately. One unlucky soul had to carry the Bucket of Doom all the way to the stage, where they were rewarded with 10 burpees—a true sign that life is unfair—before running it back to the group. Meanwhile, the rest of us embraced the suffering with burpees, because why not add to the chaos with a running cumulative total? Once the poor fool with the bucket survived, we transitioned to our next task: carrying the Block of Destiny up and down the stairs, a shuttle run from Hades itself.

    But wait—there’s more. We then formed a circle to partake in what can only be described as the most ridiculous exercise ever invented. Each of us paraded our blocks down the corridor with the grace of a newborn giraffe, before planking and sliding our coupon back like we were human curling stones.

    Then, things got weird. Dragons descended from the heavens. Fire-breathing lizards engaged in aerial combat. Grundy, now completely unhinged, lifted 400 blocks with a single pinky while cackling like a supervillain. Burpees and squats continued as monstrous creatures clashed in an epic battle of strength and agility.

    And just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any wilder…

    Oh wait. April Fool’s.

    But seriously, we’re all sore now.

    Come out to the A1C on April 11th for Moby’s Birthday Q. He’s turning 75!!

  • Milestone marsh – from Waterpik

    Mosey to lakefront stopping at each intersection. Exercises (sets of 5) were
    Burpees, Peter Parker’s, crunchy frogs, Bobby Hurleys, stone mountains. Rinse and repeat to the lakefront and back.

    Have a good week guys.

  • Lord of the Flies you say? – from Russo

    Conversations tend to get out of hand on occasion early in the morning. What starts with a simple “How was your weekend?” quickly turns into something greater, and in this instance at Granny’s, it was “Next thing you it’s a Lord of the Flies situation”. You have to be there to appreciate.

    Pax of 4 for the beatdown.

    Warmups (IC 10x)
    – SSHs
    – Torso twists
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Grass grabbers
    – Imperial walkers

    Thang
    Ye olde tried and true deck of death, using the benches as changes of scenery:

    Spades – urkins
    Clubs – step ups
    Diamonds – freak nastys
    Hearts – BSSs

    Spades – Peter Parker’s
    Clubs – shoulder tap plank jacks (2 is 1)
    Diamonds – lunges (2 is 1)
    Hearts – leg raises

    Spades – Merkins
    Clubs – Monkey Humpers
    Diamonds – SMCs
    Hearts – American hammers

    Between the rounds, we slalomed the columns and did 2 calf raises up each are of the pilot house

    Mary was a one minute plank.

    We finished with COT, NOR, and quick prayer.
    Thanks to the three krewe men for joining.
    SYITG

  • Bringing back the F3 to F3 – from Waterpik

    Two runners, one Rucker!

  • Mardi Gras Madness: A Leg Day to Remember – from Jose10k

    Five brave (or foolish) souls decided that the best way to celebrate Mardi Gras morning was not with king cake and mimosas, but with a leg workout that left us questioning why we didn’t sleep in. With rucksacks strapped on—because why not add extra suffering?—we kicked off the festivities with a warm-up, complete with Mardi Gras music to trick our bodies into thinking this was fun.

    Then came the main event: sprinting (or some variation of fast waddling) up the stairs (Grundy led the pax as per the usual, he legit sprinted), looping around the lighthouse, and then executing a flawless Lieutenant Dan back to the start. Three glorious laps of this, because we believe in suffering together.

    Next, we moseyed over for step-ups—ten per leg—just in case our quads weren’t already on fire. Then it was off to the bus stop for a delightful mix of Irkins and Freak Nasties, because I honestly was making up shit as I walked. I was tired.

    With our legs now resembling overcooked spaghetti, we weaved our way through a slalom run, hit some calf raises up and down, and finished strong with 15 minutes of core work, ensuring that every inch of our bodies would hate us tomorrow. Jane Fondas (Steve’s version of them, on steriods). Wife pleasers with a long pause, followed by pulses as well. “It’s the best way to dry out the taint.”

    And just like that, the beatdown was over. It’s been awhile since I actually saw an end to a Granny Beatdown. It felt odd and awkward actually typing that last sentence. Russo prayed us out, and we stumbled off to see what parades (if any) were still rolling in the wind. Thanks for letting me lead, and if your legs still function tomorrow, come join the fun at the Gipper for round three.

  • Shooter’s Bachelor Bootcamp: A Chilly Morning at the Marsh – from Jose10k

    Ah, the crisp morning air, the dim glow of streetlights, and the promise of pain—what better way to start the day? Expecting a quiet two-man showdown per the text, YHCarrived at the marsh at 5:10 AM, only to find Shooter had mustered enough curiosity (or poor judgment) to join. And so, the workout began.

    The warm-up was a mere formality before we hit the streets, where every stop sign became a monument to suffering:
    • 10 Diamond Merkins (because regular ones aren’t miserable enough)
    • 20 Squats (YHC gift to our quads)
    • 30 LBCs or Penguins (because variety is the spice of life—or at least of core destruction)

    And, of course, we ran to the next stop sign, repeating the cycle like a fitness-themed Groundhog Day.

    Conversations of the Morning:
    • Wild parades, because it’s Mardi Gras season and nothing is normal.
    • Shooter’s bachelor palace, which, based on descriptions, sounds part Vegas, part Animal House.
    • A freshly trimmed and washed Lil’ Rick James, who is presumably either a pet or a person that requires clarification.
    • Your humble correspondent’s experience of drunk brothers-in-law attempting to fight him at a 70th birthday party… because nothing says “Happy Birthday, Dad” like unsolicited family wrestling.

    The Lakefront Finale featured:
    • Stair sprints with two calf raises per step, ensuring we’d be walking funny all day.
    • Freak Nasties and Dirkens on the wall, which probably looked highly questionable to any passing joggers.
    • A final round of stop-sign suffering (this time with jump squats) before collapsing in the center of the court.

    And just like that, another Jose-led morning of mumbling, grumbling, and accidental life counseling came to an end. But fear not, because tomorrow brings another round—this time with rucks for extra fun.

    So rest up, stay safe in the Mardi Gras madness, and see you in the gloom. You’ll need the leg strength.