F3 New Orleans

Tag: Russo

  • Wall to Wall Disappointment – from Steve

    Man, this was the kinda crowd where you gotta have your coffee before you show up to Q. That or a shot of Jaegermeister.

    Not only did YHC have Bush texting the night before, making sure it would be an “impactful” beatdown before he committed to posting, but I had the Wacker progeny after me as well, with Duke apparently complaining that morning that, “Oh Mr. Steve’s workouts are never that hard.”

    Et tu, Duke?

    YHC had the last laugh, though, conjuring images of Mandeville’s long-dormant Machete Man just before Duke attempted to relieve his bladder in Granny’s bamboo forest. The little man noped right outta there!

    Now I can’t say that this beatdown was impactful, but hey, we did try a few new things. Started each round with a different wall exercise at the far end of the corridor, followed by another exercise x15 at each of three points around the trailhead, before circling back for some calf raises. Rinse and repeat.

    The wall (and subsequent) exercises were:
    BTTW crawl —> 15 jump squats (x3)
    Donkey Kicks x15 —> 15 merkins (x3)
    Hip Slappers x 15 IC —> 15x big boys (x3)
    People’s Chair w/ Air Presses x 100 —> 15x SMK’s IC (x3)
    Dirty hookup x15 (2:1) —> 15x T-merkins (x3)

    Everyone was bummed that we had to save the Chicken Peckers for a later date, but hey, we did get to hear many tales along the way.

    We learned that Jose on vacation in Grenada is the same Jose that we get every week: he nearly memorialized his 10k status on TripAdvisor, threatening the airline that he’d run from the hotel to the airport if they didn’t provide a taxi to get his lost luggage. Considering Jose’s recent mastery of the backblast, I think we can all agree that the world has been deprived of a very unique TripAdvisor review.

    What else… Three of the pax (Russo, Bush, Cowbell) had successfully run the Crescent City Classic over the weekend. Cowbell reminisced about the time the amphitheater bats chased him down the block. Duke counted cadence with the salty authority of the gunnery sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. (Duke also showed us the opposite of “intensify to modify,” with his Dead Superman modification of the t-merkins reminding me of the old days and the infamous “Nacho plank.”) Bushwacker lit fire to his reputation as a tight wad and made it rain this weekend, buying trips and vehicles that would’ve given the Bush of old an aneurism. And last, but certainly not least, we learned that you don’t cut in front of bear-killer Coachella at the lunch line at Piccadilly, even if you are a child. Bad things happen and this man has no problem stepping over your dead body for another scoop of carrot soufflé.

    COT, announcements of the Zoorich Classic this Saturday, Legal’s party on May 10th, and Coachella’s birthday party coming up in June. Stay tuned for details on the latter, which promises to be a Breakfast Club-type collision of stereotypes. And finally, Russo prayed us out.

    T-claps to Coach, who is making a concerted effort to post to multiple weekday beatdowns from here on out. (Be on the lookout for him at Thursday’s Scramble, minus the plate armor.)

    And thank you gentlemen for posting this morning and pushing me to get a little better. Appreciate you.

    Except for Bushwacker, who summarized my effort to make this an impactful beatdown as…

    “Eh.”

  • What’s my password? I should write it down. – from Russo

    Here’s the progression of thought: I forgot it was Tax day, and the next thing you know, the conversation revolves around passwords (not the super cool TV game show) and secret IRA and checking accounts. One thing leads to another, and then it’s “I’m at the age where I feel like if I died I’d have done a good enough job and my family would be ok”, preceded by “yeah we’re at that drop dead age now.” Once again, you had to be there.

    Here’s a few passwords for today’s beatdown:

    “Solid” – some people are just dependable. Some are not. Steve is the former. A regular at Granny’s, even when it’s not his Q.

    “Weatheriswarmer” – not the kind of stifling heat and humidity yet, but juuuuust on the cusp.

    “Babysitter247” – Steve’s got young entrepreneurs that are learning the value of a dollar.

    “Getofftheroad911” – my 2.0 is itching to get out on the road after one day of driver’s ed. Get your errands done early.

    Warmup (all 10x IC)
    – Imperial walkers
    – Arm circles
    – Good mornings
    – Grass grabbers
    – Torso twists
    – Cherry pickers

    Thang
    Mosey to the bridge, where at every block it was 20 plankjacks and 20 squats.

    At the bridge: 7s (Peter Parker’s merkins and Donkey kicks)

    Between:
    – Mosey 2x
    – Carioca
    – Back pedal
    – Lunge walk
    – Side Shuffle

    Back at the pad, Mary included some 15x IC core (LBC, Gas Pumps, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs).

    COT, NOR, Announcements, and Prayer closed us out. SYITG

  • Seventy-five and Still Alive – from Mobydick

    Under a full moon in wx to die for the combined pax of A1c and The Splash Pad came to get her to help YHC celebrate surviving and thriving with an All out workout for my 75th birthday. It was a pleasure be able to Q a wo that got some sweat out of some of the most season of us. A full body warmup with 75 reps of SSH Grass grabbers windmills high knees torso twist hi jill hi jack etc preceded the Thang. A mossey to the top of the garage ramp and a first of five sets of 15 dips With a run to the bottom of the ramp for the second set of 15 and back to the top for the third set you get the pix. For a total of 75 reps . Rinse and repeat with leg lifts, crunches, wife pleasers something else something else. Mix up the 25 or so runs up and down the ramps with backpeddles karaoke lunges etc and a good solid All Out workout that 8 years ago would have killed yours truly. But with the support and encouragement of my F3 buddies Thai old man that would have been headed for the home is now able handle all with grace. Thanks to you all.

  • Workout Review: Grandmas House, The Marsh of Madness Rated R for Ridiculousness, Regret, and Rampant Burpee Abuse. An movie inspired back blast for a resident film editor: Steve – from Steve

    This morning’s workout was led by none other than Steve, a man with the calm demeanor of a yoga instructor and the workout intensity of a caffeinated Navy SEAL. Spirits were high, the weather was decent, and then—it happened. Frank opened his mouth.
    STARRING

    Steve as The Relentless Commander
    Fitness guru? Torture artist? Hard to say. Wears a watch that doesn’t tell time—it tells reps.

    Frank as The Unfiltered Oracle. He was the reason we couldn’t keep cadence
    Speaks only in political hot takes May or may not be sponsored by FoxNews.

    Shooter as The Deer Whisperer
    Disappears in the woods, can camp out with just a tarp and a stick. If the emp hits us, the only one of us who could survive because he know how to purify his own urine.

    Russo as The Conspiracy Theorist
    Chem trails, JFK assassination, Bigfoot, he knows all of the worlds secrets. Keeps a personal vendetta against half-reps.

    Jose10k as The Distance Demon
    Runs 10K before the workout just to feel warm. Laughs at burpees because he rely does them. Rumored to have an actual sponsorship from Advil.

    What followed was less a fitness session and more a live taping of a political stand-up special. The laughter was so violent, we couldn’t keep cadence or count. Hell, at one point I think someone tried to do a jumping jack and just fell over laughing. It was chaos. Steve tried to restore order like a desperate substitute teacher, but the image of Frank talking politics and Trump had the floor—and the filibuster.

    Eventually, we moseyed to the marsh, where Steve unveiled his twisted plan. Every stop sign became a mini-Hell: 5 Kraken burpees , 10 Sister Mary Catherines 10 and gas pumps
    Now Steve claimed it was “only 5 Kraken burpees,” but time warped. I aged. I saw my ancestors. I met a raccoon who offered me a cigarette and said, “You don’t wanna go back in there.”

    Sadly (or perhaps wisely), I had to leave early. But here’s how I imagine it played out after my escape:

    Final Act: “Marshageddon”

    Steve, shirtless and shimmering with sweat like a demigod forged in pre-workout, leads the group deeper into the foggy marsh. Frank, in spirit form, still monologuing about the federal reserve, is doing bear crawls backward while reciting Reagan speeches.

    Suddenly, Steve bellows, “MERMAN DRILLS!” Everyone dives into a stagnant puddle. Two men don’t resurface. Gas pumps evolve into explosive gas pump combos. Sister Mary descends from the heavens with a kettlebell and blesses the pain.

    The final challenge? Shooter pulling his Fit out of the marsh using only resistance bands and pure arm strength.

    They return to the parking lot mud-soaked, spiritually broken, and somehow stronger. No one speaks. They simply nod, silently agreeing to never speak of this morning again.

    10/10.
    Would recommend to people I hate.
    Bring a towel, a therapist, and maybe a priest.

    After COT, there is a post credit scene.
    [POST-CREDITS SCENE: “Marsh of Madness” – The Swamp Strikes Again]

    Fade in: eerie silence. Fog hangs low over the marsh. A single stop sign stands crooked, half-submerged in murky water.

    [Camera pans slowly…]

    A lone figure appears in the distance… it’s Frank, shirtless, wearing compression shorts and Crocs. He’s holding a whiteboard and a megaphone.

    Frank (yelling into the void):
    “Let’s talk about the real reason burpees were invented—government control!”

    The marsh ripples. Something stirs beneath the surface.

    [Suddenly, bubbles rise… a Kraken tentacle shoots up, slapping the whiteboard out of his hands.]

    Frank (unfazed):
    “Oh, you’ve been listening to the mainstream media workout plans, haven’t you?”

  • April 1,000 2025 – from Grundy

    Scratch sound followed by the following message…

    “We did 1,000 reps combined of burpees and Bobby Hurleys. We also moved weights in a bucket and a cinder block.”

    … We now return you to your show already in progress.

  • April Fool’s Workout: The Legend of Grundy and the Bucket of Doom – from Grundy

    This morning, the sun rose on an unsuspecting group of warriors, ready for another classic April Fool’s workout. Grundy, our fearless leader, arrived with Jose Russo Bushwacker Shooter, who may or may not be a real person but certainly sounded like a guy who meant business. We all chuckled, debating whether we should start with a solid 30 minutes of warm-ups or just dive into the rich history of pranks from workouts past. But no—Grundy was in no mood for jokes today. He had a bucket full of stones and a soul full of vengeance.

    The madness began immediately. One unlucky soul had to carry the Bucket of Doom all the way to the stage, where they were rewarded with 10 burpees—a true sign that life is unfair—before running it back to the group. Meanwhile, the rest of us embraced the suffering with burpees, because why not add to the chaos with a running cumulative total? Once the poor fool with the bucket survived, we transitioned to our next task: carrying the Block of Destiny up and down the stairs, a shuttle run from Hades itself.

    But wait—there’s more. We then formed a circle to partake in what can only be described as the most ridiculous exercise ever invented. Each of us paraded our blocks down the corridor with the grace of a newborn giraffe, before planking and sliding our coupon back like we were human curling stones.

    Then, things got weird. Dragons descended from the heavens. Fire-breathing lizards engaged in aerial combat. Grundy, now completely unhinged, lifted 400 blocks with a single pinky while cackling like a supervillain. Burpees and squats continued as monstrous creatures clashed in an epic battle of strength and agility.

    And just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any wilder…

    Oh wait. April Fool’s.

    But seriously, we’re all sore now.

    Come out to the A1C on April 11th for Moby’s Birthday Q. He’s turning 75!!

  • Lord of the Flies you say? – from Russo

    Conversations tend to get out of hand on occasion early in the morning. What starts with a simple “How was your weekend?” quickly turns into something greater, and in this instance at Granny’s, it was “Next thing you it’s a Lord of the Flies situation”. You have to be there to appreciate.

    Pax of 4 for the beatdown.

    Warmups (IC 10x)
    – SSHs
    – Torso twists
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Grass grabbers
    – Imperial walkers

    Thang
    Ye olde tried and true deck of death, using the benches as changes of scenery:

    Spades – urkins
    Clubs – step ups
    Diamonds – freak nastys
    Hearts – BSSs

    Spades – Peter Parker’s
    Clubs – shoulder tap plank jacks (2 is 1)
    Diamonds – lunges (2 is 1)
    Hearts – leg raises

    Spades – Merkins
    Clubs – Monkey Humpers
    Diamonds – SMCs
    Hearts – American hammers

    Between the rounds, we slalomed the columns and did 2 calf raises up each are of the pilot house

    Mary was a one minute plank.

    We finished with COT, NOR, and quick prayer.
    Thanks to the three krewe men for joining.
    SYITG

  • This ain’t bedroom Yoga! – from Shooter

    With darkness all around and the glistening of a full moon for illumination 5 PAX embraced the Gloom at Grannies. Steve, Russo and YHC chatted it up until Jose10k appeared out of the darkness. Behold it’s a right on time Cowbell? Nope, it’s the Wacker of bushes hooded up as he grumbles his way to the circle.. Chatter quickly shifted to the adjustments of springing forward and how us 40 somethings sleep patterns range from dream Yoga, to it won’t be long until we will have separate rooms with our significant others. Which ever the case may be, today would be a bit of a throwback to our tunnel of love that is often forgotten.

    Brief warmup of torso twists, arm circles, Cherry pickers, grass grabbers, Abe vogodas and toe touches.. Some of the numbers IC varied with Chatter overtaking the counts.

    Moseyed to the tunnel and selected two boulders from the drainage area of sorts with an alternative rock that Steve graciously found.
    We partnered up
    P1 completed reps with coupon while P2 utilized the tunnel.

    First round
    Chest press(boulders) mosey down Carioca the flat and Mosey up. R/R back and F/J
    Second round
    Overhead press (rock) & 8 count bodybuilder
    Mosey down/lunge walk flat and reverse. F/J
    Third round
    Squats (rock) & Mountain climbers
    25% mosey down, 50% flat and 100% up. R/R F/J

    Once completed moseyed our return to the bus stop for 10IC bench jump overs, 10IC leg raises breaking plane on the benches, inspired by Russo’s handstand demonstration months back challenging Bird YHC used the columns for a balls to the wall hold rounded out with 5 donkey kickoffs.

    Returned to the circle for some Mary.
    ETKs, LBCs, penguins, plank, chill-cut plank and wife pleasers.

    Counted off, announced Wacker camp out 3/22 and upcoming Zoolander Marsh madness, Inferno and Zoorich classic..

    Appreciate the post and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Mardi Gras Madness: A Leg Day to Remember – from Jose10k

    Five brave (or foolish) souls decided that the best way to celebrate Mardi Gras morning was not with king cake and mimosas, but with a leg workout that left us questioning why we didn’t sleep in. With rucksacks strapped on—because why not add extra suffering?—we kicked off the festivities with a warm-up, complete with Mardi Gras music to trick our bodies into thinking this was fun.

    Then came the main event: sprinting (or some variation of fast waddling) up the stairs (Grundy led the pax as per the usual, he legit sprinted), looping around the lighthouse, and then executing a flawless Lieutenant Dan back to the start. Three glorious laps of this, because we believe in suffering together.

    Next, we moseyed over for step-ups—ten per leg—just in case our quads weren’t already on fire. Then it was off to the bus stop for a delightful mix of Irkins and Freak Nasties, because I honestly was making up shit as I walked. I was tired.

    With our legs now resembling overcooked spaghetti, we weaved our way through a slalom run, hit some calf raises up and down, and finished strong with 15 minutes of core work, ensuring that every inch of our bodies would hate us tomorrow. Jane Fondas (Steve’s version of them, on steriods). Wife pleasers with a long pause, followed by pulses as well. “It’s the best way to dry out the taint.”

    And just like that, the beatdown was over. It’s been awhile since I actually saw an end to a Granny Beatdown. It felt odd and awkward actually typing that last sentence. Russo prayed us out, and we stumbled off to see what parades (if any) were still rolling in the wind. Thanks for letting me lead, and if your legs still function tomorrow, come join the fun at the Gipper for round three.

  • Return of the Deck – from Russo

    Congrats to everyone knocking out RCR this year. Steve definitely held up his end, and with it the end of the month, my thought was to keep the running to a minimum. So mid-to-upper 40s this morning for a krewe of 3 for the return of the deck of death.

    Warmups (IC 10x)
    – SSHs
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Toe touches
    – Imperial walkers
    – Arm circles

    Thang
    Ye olde tried and true deck of death, using the benches and stage as changes of scenery:

    Spades – urkins
    Clubs – step ups
    Diamonds – freak nastys
    Hearts – BSSs

    Spades – Peter Parker’s
    Clubs – shoulder tap plank jacks (2 is 1)
    Diamonds – lunges (2 is 1)
    Hearts – leg raises

    Spades – Merkins
    Clubs – Monkey Humpers
    Diamonds- SMCs
    Hearts – American hammers

    Before the deck, we made a loop, and between the rounds, we slalomed the columns.

    Mary (10x IC)

    Crunchy frogs
    Hello Dollie’s
    LBCs
    Flutter Kicks

    We finished with COT, NOR, and quick prayer.
    Thanks to the two krewe men for joining.
    SYITG