F3 New Orleans

Tag: Popeyes

  • Acrogym – from Paradox

    Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).

    Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!

    Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.

    So PAX, today I bring you…

    ACROGYM!

    DUKE !
    Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!

    9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)

    YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
    Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.

    We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.

    YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.

    Tha THANG

    Split into teams
    -teams designate a Speaker/writer
    (Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)

    Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .

    They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.

    Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.

    Rules:
    -Introduce the Acronym.
    -Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
    -Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
    -reveal , winner with most correct words/points

    Winner
    LBCs/SSH

    Loser
    10 Thrusters

    Tie – 7 burpees

    Journal Observations

    -I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.

    -Team AB approach:
    Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
    Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
    Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.

    -Team Goose approach
    Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
    Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.

    Let’s begin:

    LASER
    Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission Radiation

    Team Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract

    BASE (jumping)
    Building , Antenna, Spans, and Earth

    Tie Game

    Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.

    ****Musical Interlude ***
    REM
    End of the World
    IW on Song
    Goosie On “End of the World”

    *Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies

    CAPTCHA
    Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart

    Some great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.

    ZIP (code)
    Zone Improvement Plan

    Tie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.

    JPEG
    Joint Photographic Expert Group

    -teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.

    TASER
    Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle

    -most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.

    Throwback sprint finale:
    DOS (as in MS-DOS)
    Disc operating system

    Both teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.

    Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.

    Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s

    COT and Valve prayed us out

    Postscript:

    Bacronym to the Future

    PAX,

    This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.

    We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.

    We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
    Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.

    President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.

    Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.

    AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.

    But it was just there.

    Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.

    That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.

    One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.

    And when it ask if ye be man or bot?

    You will know ..

    It’s NERF or nothing .

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Stroll in the Park – from Safety Valve

    Saturdays beatdown that YHC Q’d at the Peltch was too fluffy. There was too much downtime and even White Meat didn’t complain about the work load. Was it fun, maybe to some extent. Even that is too much for me. Today we get back to basics.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Willy mays hays
    Imperial walkers
    Wind mills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Self love

    Thang 1
    7s at out typical stops along the one mile rich man’s loop.
    First stop 7 burpees.
    Second stop 7 burpees, 14 merkins
    Third stop 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 jump squats
    Fourth stop 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 jump squats, 28 flutter kicks (2:1)

    Thang 2 – Song
    To a random song named “Vote” by an unknown artists, YHC was trying to prepare the PAX for Election Day tomorrow without over doing it. Not sure if it really worked. Either way we held Al Gore for the duration and did burpees on the word “vote”

    Thang 3
    11s with Freak Nasties and star jumps. In between we ran a lap around the stage.

    With 4 minutes left call your Mary ensued – 6 inch hold, LBCs (White Meat was definitely thinking it), wife pleasers (Goose has been calling a lot of these lately. Everything ok buddy?), a single V-up from pope.

    COT, blue tube went from white meat to YHC, tap prayed us out.

    F3 Thibodaux anniversary beatdown on Thursday at the Den.

    #renewyourvalves
    It felt nice getting back to the usual Valve routine today. Wake up, pray, come up with a beatdown that sounds reasonable on the 5 minute car ride to the Stage. Sometimes we feel the need to branch out and try something new- hence the Saturday “fun” beatdown. This is by no means a bad thing. How else will we continue to grow and discover more useless trivia knowledge if we do not branch out? But, there is something nice about being the person you are and being perfectly happy about it.

  • F3 Monopoly – from Safety Valve

    YHC set out to devise a beatdown that incorporated a Paradox level of creativity, with an AB level of confusing instructions, and a dash of competitiveness that would make Goose proud. YHC also needed to figure out a way to get the PAX to fill the 80 pound GORUCK medicine ball that Wet Tap gifted to us. What came of this mix was the first edition of F3 Thibodaux Monopoly.

    Upon arriving at the Peltch, YHC was feeling confident. Got there early enough to set up, but after fiddling with the light at the tennis courts with no luck, time was running low. After choosing the thunderdome and setting up, YHC ran to greet 5 other Hims about 3 minutes late. Enron would be proud. Pope was already back asleep in his bed by the time SSH started since YHC forgot to pick him up on the way. There are some things in life that your friends will never let you forget. Along with showing up late that one time, this might be added to the list.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Willy mays hays
    Imperial walkers
    Wind mills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Self love

    Indian run mosey through the Peltch with a 5 merkin drop off ensued to warm ourselves up for the game at hand. We eventually ended up at the thunderdome where the board was set-up.

    Game-play:
    Stations/Properties up for grabs:
    1. Wet Tap’s Water Works – Thrusters
    2. Advanced Eye Avenue – Jump Squats
    3. Family Doctor Clinic Way – V-ups
    4. Enron Tax – Curls
    5. Goose’s Place – Bonnie Blairs
    6. Mitchell Family Eye Lane – Merkins
    7. Suckles Railroad – Reverse Flys
    8. White Meat Plantation Road – LBCs

    Each PAX member started on a property and completed as many reps as possible. The timer for the AMRAP was the PAX at the “Pass Go” space completing 20 BBSU. After completing the 20 BBSU, this person rolled a die. If the number rolled was a 1, 2, 3, or 4. That person got to add that many scoops of sand to the 80 pound medicine ball. Rolling a 5 put you in “free parking” where you skipped the next property and held plank for the duration of the following persons turn. Rolling a 6 put you in jail – the only way to get out of jail was to complete 20 burpees. The PAX member who completed the most reps at each property owned that property at the end of the game. By the time the medicine ball was filled, tap owned most of the city. That meant he got to go first for the next thang.

    The medicine ball, henceforth known as “Tiny”, had to make it back to the flag somehow. Each person would get a chance to hold our new baby and take 20 steps toward the flag with her. That person also got to decide the mode of transport for the rest of the PAX. After going through bear crawls, crawl bear, lunges, reverse lunges, broad jumps, bunny hops, etc. we finally made it. Unfortunately, there was still time on the clock and YHC’s truck was parked next to the thunderdome. We brought Tiny back to where we came from. This time with the rest of the PAX doing sprints to the flag and back to the person carrying Tiny.

    COT, prayers lifted up, Tap prayed us out.

    #Renewyourvalves
    Love God and love others. This is all.

  • Halloween 2: Brick or Crete – from Paradox

    It’s been a minute since YHC has gone full “get off my lawn” but nothing brings out the rose colored glasses quite like a good Americanized holiday so just hear me out.
    (If you can imagine me in a rocking chair with a pipe, jorts, mason jar, and a sleeveless Skynyrd shirt then it will help)

    Here’s the simple fact to address today boys…Trick or Treat has gone soft. I see you nodding at home. You have all seen it. Full sized candy bars, watered down jump scares , all treat with no trick. Amazon stock costumes that were 2-day shipped cus their parents forgot . Is this KitKat sigma or will I have to use your Skibidi? Does my hulk have enough Gyat for you?

    Where do we draw the line?

    Back in myyyy dayyy you got dropped off to “go work the hood” with a home made power ranger suit that was a red hoodie and a piece of rope for a belt and when you stepped on a porch the response could be anything from grandmas cough drops to a full R- rated murder simulation. Your jr high janitor dressed as a zombie and loaded on 5 bud heavies may grab your ankle as you run from the yard. You fled with a single kernel of candy corn and your life intact then you reset and head to the next house. Adrenaline in its purest form right there in the fall of 1995.

    And so today YHC says enough is enough. This is where I put my untethered hulk foot down.
    For 45 minutes we would harken to the days of old and restore the mystery of trick or treating .

    Duke!!
    Put down that Chinese menu and roll the footage! It’s the Halloween beatdown.

    8 pax strong at the Den which had been prepped and ready for Popeyes mayorial campaign rally later in the day. His 3 pronged platform has a massive following already but I’ll lay it out for you:
    1. bbq 2. Beer 3. Reduce unnecessary emails.
    (People with follow up questions are asked to leave)

    The pax pivoted to a well lit corner setup for the usual warmups as YHC arrived in full flex and had early concerns for vasoconstriction in my nether regions. They say you should dress for the job you want (more on that later) and while I’m not sure what that means for YHCs career our other costumed hero’s wanted a clear vision for their players and an infinity and beyond buzz from their drugs.
    Fred Lasseauxs whistle threatened to lead the beatdown all by itself but YHC pushed through and we got to the thang.

    ***Hidden Costume Honorable Mentions:
    -Goose as an alpha male that loathes a soft cadence

    Brick Indian Run
    Drop to 3 brick stars jumps while we got a good lather of Haloween tunes and YHC tried to drop a few lyrical hints for later.

    Da Thang

    Brick or Crete

    Each pax would experience the adventure of uncertainty and pick 1 ticket from the bucket.
    A few on there we didn’t get to so you can appreciate them now in the safety of your snuggy.

    B- Brick
    C- Crete
    L- Lyrics
    T- Trivia

    BRICKS
    1. Brickicide – Brick Release Merkins
    2. Brickicide – Brick SSH
    3. Brickicide Brick Star Jumps
    4. Let the bodies hit the Floor (plank – donkey kick on bodies , merkin on counts)
    5. Brick Thriller – brick burpees and side lunge brick raises on song

    CRETES
    1. When the Saints Go Marching In
    2. P1 OHP p2 run a lap around field
    3. 50 curls
    4. 50 skull crushers
    5. 10 saint makers

    LYRICS
    Incorrect guess will add 5 reps (5 guesses max)

    L-1Thriller
    L- 2 Superstitious
    L- 3 Werewolves in London

    TRIVIA

    T 1 Which Celtic festival did our modern customs of trick/treat and costumes originate ?
    (Samhain )

    T-2 In France this costume is illegal to wear over the age of 13 .
    (CLOWN)

    T 3 National retail federation names these the perennial number 1 costumes . One for adults , one for kids.
    1- witch
    2- princess

    Notes:
    -The pax burned up those two mosey breaks early and as predicted performed honorably in the trivia and lyrics divisions.
    -Saintmaker debut didn’t make any immediate Saints and may have destroyed a few friendships.
    -YHC lost his bricks in the Bermuda grass triangle of center field so often I think HS was chunking them when I wasn’t looking.
    -Brickicides might be my new fave routine. Def sequel material.

    We geared up and finished with a traditional “brick stabbed a guy with a trident” sprint to the flag to hide the evidence.

    Animal to Uncle Ronnie for his curling prowess.

    COT and HS prayed us out

    Thanks for monster smashing with me fellas. Grateful to lead.

    A Full Size Dox of Chocolates

    The Zordon Problem

    Ok, I’m officially off my soap box.
    I’ll put the pipe and mason jar up until next year. (Don’t take my Skynyrd shirt though )

    We’ll just let trick or treat be on probation for now. But here’s something for your coffee break.

    Every fall when it’s costume time I think back to the magical years of childhood where, for a few moments, it felt like I could actually become the red power ranger. Sure, Part of me realized that there may be far better career choices (stupid left brain) but the part that dominated YHCs psyche in 1995 was like “hey, I’m pretty decent working with others , the sword skills will follow right ? ”. But even with the gear, the attitude and the ninja skills I realized as a deflated 7 year old the real hard truth:

    I didn’t have a Zordon.

    As a quick crash course for the elders , Zordon was that floaty head guy that was responsible for fitting all the Power Rangers with their range of powers. He was essential for morphing Californian teens into legends of after school tv.
    So I had a clear goal and all the tools but realized I could ninja till ninjafinite and with no Zordon I would never don the red helmet. A real problem I couldn’t solve so I moved on to more immediate returns like bass fishing and Pokémon.

    I’m reminded of this , mostly , due to CS Lewis. Because at a certain time of my life this is exactly where I was “stuck” with Christianity. I had the mess that I knew my own self to be (a ratchet costume at best) on one end and the goal of being Christ-like (da OG Red Power Ranger) on the other end. Between the two seemed to be a mountainous gap of “well I’ll try to white knuckle it” or lots of “ it sure seems hopeless”.

    But CS Lewis’s book “Mere Christianity” helped to change this problem for me in a very powerful way. In the chapter “Let’s Pretend” he lays out the groundwork for truly being little Christs. You guys know I’m not much of a paraphraser so I’ve provided the two areas from the chapter that really brought this home for me:

    “You see what is happening. The Christ Himself, the Son of God who is man (just like you) and God (just like His Father) is actually at your side and is already at that moment beginning to turn your pretence into a reality.”

    “ It is not a question of a good man who died two thousand years ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still as much God as He was when He created the world, really coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self He has.”

    There was the solution to the Zordon problem.

    We will never get there on our own or with purely human help but only with Him.

    Slowly and sometimes painfully morphing our make believe into His reality.

    Transforming our ambition into His will .

    Injecting our fears with His own Love.

    We are called to Put on Christ and my hope is it’s the last true costume we’ll ever need.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ghosts of Beatdowns Past – from America’s Best

    YHC had some unfinished business. IPC seemed like a distant memory, but with Halloween approaching, it seemed a fitting time to revisit the ghosts of beatdowns past.

    After going pro, Michael Jordan returned to UNC to get his bachelor’s degree. After Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker returned to finish his training with Yoda. And so (hence?), after warmarama, YHC would return to finish some things that he just didn’t get done last time around.

    Warmarama: SSH, WMH, Toy soldiers, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, Lafayette Night Clubs (which have become YHC’s new favorite), and self love before a quick bumper mosey.

    Thang No 1:
    IPC week 2, YHC had to bug out early, and thus (hence?) I did not finish the beatdown. The PAX would complete what I did not finish that day:
    40 Coupon plank Jacks, murder bunny 15 yards
    14 Cactus Jacks, Redrum Bunny back
    20 Merkins, Lt. Dan Magic Legs 15 yards,
    14 Cactus Jacks, Lt. Dan Magic Legs
    20 Coupon Plank Jacks
    Run 800 meters
    And that was it!
    We were finished, but YHC picked up significant whining.
    “I already did this!”
    “But WE didn’t leave early!”
    “I shaved my legs FOR THIS?”

    And so the next Thang would be something nobody finished.

    Thang No. 2:
    BK500 Dora Redux: Gimme that Gold!
    Every team in our Thibodaux PAX completed only the Bronze portion of the Dora. What a waste– those perfectly-curated Silver and Gold medal exercises were left just sitting there. Like the last batch of pancakes (which are the best because you finally got the griddle temperature and butter just right). Alas (hence?) they go uneaten because everyone is full of the early rounds. Not today! No, today we would feast on perfectly crunchy-edged thrusters with light fluffy curl interiors. Okay, not my best metaphor, but it went like this:
    Partner Up,
    Silver: 100 curls, partner rifle carry one-way, mosey the other (to the sidewalk and back)
    Gold: 100 Thrusters, partner bear crawl there and mosey back.

    And there was still time for another Thang!
    Thang No. 3:
    Wet Tap’s IPC-ish Beatdown that was almost finish-able
    YHC almost finished Wet Tap’s Hunter-Gatherer Beatdown, save one run and one set…
    Run 400 m
    10 Thrusters.

    At this point, the PAX was obviously sick of YHC’s leftovers. Of course, when you don’t want leftovers, one alternative is to go out to eat instead… growing up, there were several options, but only two of them resided in a PAX favorite song.
    Sometimes, you’d go out to eat and sit down to order, sometimes you’d hit up fast food and stand to order. And so during the song, the PAX would basically knock out some more Cactus Jacks, sitting each time you hear “Pizza Hut”, and hopping up each time you heard “Taco Bell.”

    Exactly 6 minutes remained, so we hit up some Mary. YHC: Wheezy Jefferson; Wet Tap: Hello Dolly–>Dr. Ws–>Franklin’s Tower; Safety Valve: Hold 6” (for a LONG time); Pope: V-ups; Goose: Big boy crunches?; White Meat: 10 count; and Honeysuckle brought us up right to 6am with Freddy Mercs. BUT the sugar mill whistle had not yet blown, so Paradox was able to shoehorn in just a few dolphin hops.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out (and picking up my slack with me) men. Always an honor to lead.

    -AB

    Ghosts of Beatdown Past Official Playlist:

    Is there a Ghost – Band of Horses
    Space Ghost (Coast to Coast) – Glass Animals
    A Ghost to Most – Drive-By Truckers
    The Ghost in You – The Psychedelic Furs
    She Don’t Use Jelly – The Flaming Lips
    (Ghost)Riders in the Sky – Johnny Cash
    Walking with a Ghost – Tegan and Sarah
    Little Ghost – The White Stripes
    The Loneliest Ghost in Town – Southern Culture on the Skids
    Ghost – Phish
    Ghost Ship – Blur
    Ghostbusters – Ray Parker, Jr.

  • Great Ballz of Fire – from Popeye

    The following is brought to you by AI:

    Early Morning Workout Report
    Date: 10/28/2024
    Location: The Stage

    Overview:

    At dawn, five dedicated men gathered amidst the early morning fog, ready to embrace their workout routine. The fog hung thick in the air, setting the mood as the group began their session with synchronized stretches and a round of jumping jacks. The morning was still, but the energy was high, with Jerry Lee Lewis’ rock and roll hits echoing through the silence.

    Warm-Up:

    The workout commenced with a light stretch and a series of jumping jacks to loosen up their muscles. Once they felt warmed up, the group proceeded to run two laps around their chosen course, using the steady pace to get their blood flowing and prepare for the exercises ahead.

    Core Exercises:

    After the run, the men launched into a set of 13 Freak Nasty (a core-focused exercise combining planks and knee drives) followed by 13 Bobby Hurleys (an intense squat-jump combo designed to increase heart rate and build lower body strength). Jerry Lee Lewis’s music kept the energy high, pushing them to finish each round with enthusiasm.

    Partner Work:

    Next, the group paired up to tackle a series of ladder runs. While one partner ran, the other performed an exercise. They rotated through five different movements, ensuring each muscle group got targeted:

    • Merkins (push-ups): Building chest and arm strength.
    • Big Boys: Sit-ups aimed at the core.
    • Overhead Arm Claps: A dynamic shoulder exercise.
    • Flutter Kicks: Focusing on the lower abs and hip flexors.
    • Toy Soldiers: A stretching exercise for the hamstrings and shoulders.

    The partners swapped roles after each segment, alternating between running ladders and completing their exercises.

    The Grand Finale:

    Upon completing the ladder drills and partner exercises, the group ran to the top of the metaphorical “ladder” one last time. This time, however, instead of running forward, they “let go” and embraced nurring—running backward—down the course. This backward run served as both a cool-down and a final challenge, testing their balance and coordination.

    Conclusion:

    As the workout concluded, the fog began to lift, revealing the smiling and tired faces of five men who had pushed their limits in the early morning chill. With a final nod to each other and Jerry Lee Lewis’s last notes fading, they ended their session feeling stronger and more accomplished, ready to face the rest of the day.
    ——————

    Pretty much sums it up. SYITG

  • BurpJack Horseman – from America’s Best

    YHC had a Jones. A Basketball Jones.
    But today, I would not need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life, nor someone I can pass to. No, I would not even need someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go (and not end up in the popcorn machine).
    Because today we would not really play basketball…
    Bur first… let’s go look at the new giant flagpole. And then race back. First 3 back get the first three guesses at song lyrics. Goose, Pope and Honeysuckle won Gold, Silver, and Bronze, and thus would get to try and identify a song by the lyrics. If Goose identified it on the first stanza, we would just take a lap around the CC, if Pope guessed after hearing the 2nd stanza, we would hold Al Gore and Jump Squat on each song title; if Honeysuckle got it after hearing the final stanza, we would hold plank and merkin each song title. However, since nobody identified it, we ran in place and did a Burpee every time we heard “Mmm-Bop.” And sometimes when we heard “doo-wop” or “shebop” or whatever.

    Then on past the playground to the highest court in the land. . .
    It occurred to YHC that as many times as the PAX graced the Den’s basketball arena, we had yet to play HORSE. It didn’t occur to YHC until mid-beatdown that we likely only had the time (and skill) to play PIG.
    And the rules would be: SSH while waiting for your shot. Add one burpee on a miss (upon review of my original rules, this was to be 5 merkins). After Pope filled-up (is that the opposite of “drained”?) several 3’s, it was augmented to 3-burpees if you missed a 3-pointer. Then sprint to opposite baseline and back after your shot.
    Once you were out, you stood on the sideline and did a burpee with each shot taken by anyone.
    And the action ensued! … evoking zero inspiration and even less respect.
    But we finished our pig.
    And like a porcine character from our childhood, it was some PIG.
    “Some” being vague enough that you can take it to mean “glorious” if you are optimistic, or “interesting” if you are realistic. At least It was dark.
    There were just about 10 minutes left, so YHC called an audio-daily-double audible. The only music trivia that was in my brain at the time is something I heard long ago… that a certain song was originally “You died in Vietnam” (the actual story is much longer and convoluted… see me later for a dissertation).
    Same format as the first thang, but instead of a sprint, first 3 of the PAX to hit a free-throw would guess. Getting 3/8 to hit a free-throw should be easy…
    Several minutes later we had our men. Honeysuckle, Paradox, and Popeye. None guessed correctly (although Dox’s guess of Fortunate Son wins the best educated guess), so we ran back to the flag, stopping for burpees for every “Born in the USA.”
    Back in just enough time for 1 minute of Mary, the honors were given to Goose with the disclaimer “NO DR W’s.” One minute of wife pleasers seemed just about right.
    COT
    Animal went to Pope for his prized PIG performance. 10-Year Convergence this Saturday in NOLA.
    Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose

      YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both 
Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
    The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
    After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
    Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
                                                                         Coyote

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox