PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope
Tag: Popeyes
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The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
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The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope -
The Best Way to Process Trauma is to Go Through it Again with All Your Friends – from Goose
YHC got a nasty case of what seemed to be food poisoning in the afternoon of Thanksgiving Day. This provided for an excellent scenario: enjoyed all the wonderful food, gained no weight from overeating, got hours and hours of intense core exercise, and gained inspiration for the empty Monday Q slot.
After a warmup of the usual on this chilly morning, YHC began the reenactment of that fateful Thanksgiving Day as we cued up the “Gobble Gobble” song by Matthew West that YJ introduced last year.
Thanksgiving Day started as one would expect, overeating at the table/trough next to family members. So, we partnered up, and while the music carried us through the details of the feast, one partner planked while the other did 10 merkins before switching. It wasn’t a long song, but it was plenty long enough.After dinner, we began the neighborhood walk portion of the day, a tradition for many families, and this was accomplished via a simple mosey around the traditional mile route. But, at the beginning of the last quarter-mile, unexpected things began to happen. The world began to spin just a little bit, and at each lampost, we turned 90 degrees to either carioca, nur, carioca the other way, or run. Dizziness was kicking in, and something wasn’t right. Then, it hit–this was happening. It was time to sprint to the toilet/flag.
At this point, the waves of nausea are making it impossible to stand upright, but also impossible to lay down comfortably. So, we lined up on the edge of the concrete and rolled around and around uncomfortably for two minutes (via the following exercises, AMRAP) before having to run to the toilet:
10 big boy situps
10 Nolan Ryans on the left elbow
10 Afflecks
10 Nolan Ryans on the right elbowOnce two minutes were up, we ran to the “toilet”, a pair of coupons for each man about 10 yards from the concrete. Here we hovered over the toilet and wretched from all the way down in our toes before sitting on the toilet and opening a firehose. This was accomplished via 10 manmakers and 20 pooper squats (sit on the upended coupon and extend legs out front, like Jeff Daniels on Dumb and Dumber) or until 2 minutes were up. We than ran back to “bed” and did it all over again.
For Round 2, things were really starting to go downhill. For the first 2 minutes rolling around in agony in the “bed” we replaced the BBSU with 10 wife pleasers, because now the rear faucet is out of control and is requiring that level of glute squeezing to keep the sheets clean. Nolan Ryans on the left still followed, but then the Afflecks were replaced by 10 chilly jacks (low plank jacks). Left elbow Nolan Ryans still followed, and the rolling continued until 2 minutes was up.
This time, to get back and forth from the toilet, since we were losing fluids and strength at such a rapid rate, we had to (bear) crawl. The exercises were still manmakers and squat poopers, though–no matter how much we wanted to avoid them, the wretching is involuntary, and it (as well as the rectal peeing) comes when it will. Can’t stop that train.
It was somewhere around this time that Cuz asked, “Why would you want to go through all this again? Cuz, Cuz–the best way to process trauma is to take some of the hair of the dog that bit the horses you and your friends rode in on and make a mat out of it to do low planks and Nolan Ryans on.
As “Lime in the Coconut” was fading, we had time to do one last lightning round. One minute or rolling around consisted of 20 flutter kicks, 10 Nolan Ryans, 10 Australian sweat angels, and 10 Nolan Ryans. Bear crawl to the toilet again, but this time, sincere there’s really nothing left in your stomach, the manmakers become 10 burpees. And, the squat poopers are now done holding a coupong since it’s now much harder to get up off the toilet.
Thankfullly, we were saved by the bell (zofran and Immodium), and the recovery process began. COT and the Animal shirt went to Cuz for his well-time one-liners that he was still slingin’ in the later rounds. YHC expresed gratitude for a chance to relive a version of the Turkey Day Horrors with concrete blocks and great men. And, now the whole PAX are looking forward to the Salmonella beatdown, which is sure to come once Enron can get out of the bathroon.
SYITG,
Goose -
Thankful for Modern Medicine – from Goose
Dox reached out to YHC yesterday afternoon needing a Q sub. Apparently, he had picked up some sort of parasite from an hours-long operation wherein he was elbows deep in a badly infected toe. YHC was grateful to honor these heroics, especially since it gave YHC the opportunity to build a beatdown around a big toe that’s still recovering from surgery. There would be no running or side straddle hops, but there would still be plenty to be grateful for.
After a warmup of slow foot movements, YHC cued up a song routine suggested by a number of his 2.0’s. The song is “Popcorn” by the Barenaked Ladies from their genius kids album, “Snacktime”. Seriously, do yourself a favor and put it on next time you’re on the road with the fam.
The only move possible for the trigger word “pop” is Moroccan Nightclubs, so that’s we did. Can’t say it was the greatest routine (or explanation of its connection to the Thanksgiving theme) but it wasn’t the worst.
We then grabbed coupons and walked over to the field by the big flag where we circled around Bose’ mounted on his concrete throne. YHC then rambled a bit about the difference intentionally cultivated gratitude makes, especially as a remedy for self-pity and resentment. Today we’d cultivate a little gratitude via the letters of the word “Thanksgiving”.
Each letter stood for an exercise that we’d do three rounds each of, Tabata style (45 seconds on, 15 seconds off). It went like this:
* Tricep presses (deep, burning foreshadowing)
* Hand release merkins
* American hammers
* Nolan Ryan’s (switch halfway through the middle of the second round)
* Kettle bell swings
* Sit-ups, WWIII variety (to the great delight of Lil’ Cuz)
* Goblet squats
* Inchworm Merkins
* V-ups (prompted my M to ask, “Which exercise has you pulling up handfuls of grass and stuffing them down the back of your shorts? What letter does that one start with?”)
* Isometric low plank (just a low plank)
* This is where we ran out of time, but these fine HIMS couldn’t stand not finishing, so they all agreed to see it to the end)
* Neil Diamonds (aka Kneel Diamonds)
* Gorilla Humpers (wide monkey humpers)And by the time we were done, we were all filled with gratitude. Wait, no, grass. We were all filled with grass.
Prayers for Dox and others who are sick, and Tap prayed us out.
Grateful for these awesome dudes getting up early on a holiday, the only hype being that we’d be couponing. And, grateful for the excuse to stuff myself today.
SYITG,
Goose -
– from America’s Best
A few weeks ago, YHC and a couple of other HIMs were discussing why a certain HIM (who shall remain unnamed) has not yet taken a Q. The answer from him the HIM: the bar is too damn high! YHC granted that things were out of hand. It was time to, in the words of Romanian-German new-age worldbeat musical project Enigma, return to innocence.
But first: Warmarama
SSH, windmills, Imperial Walkers, WMH, Toy Soldiers, Tie Fighters, Cherry Pickers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Lafayette Night Clubs.
Bumper mosey to pick up coupons and return for:
Tha Thang. Just a Musical Dora.
Partnered up, then during each song, one partner knocks out the exercise, while the other uses assigned MOT to the far sidewalk, then moseys back. Flapjack, continue. Race to get 200 reps per exercise before the song ends.
The Songs, the Exercises, the MOT:
1: First, Merkins, Crab Walk
2. Seconds, V-Ups, Run a lap
3: 3rd Stone from the Sun, Curls, Bear Crawl
4. Positively 4th Street, Tyson Merkins, Lap
5: A Fifth of Beethoven, American Hammers, Dragon Walk
6: 6th Avenue Heartache, BBS, Lunge Walk
7: Seventh Son, Wheezy Jeffersons, Crawl Bear
8: Henry the VII, Burpees, Sprint
It was basically impossible to get to 200 on any of these, but I felt we needed an unobtainable goal. Threw that one long Hendrix song in there just to give a glimmer of hope, and to fulfill the prophecy of “that Charlottesville hipster hookah lounge” music.
Final Thang: Identify the songs from the beatdown. Popeye and Honeysuckle, as usual, took care of the more obscure songs. White Meat ID’d 7th Son, and Yankee Jeaux ID’d Henry VII… man those geezers know their music. (Popeye had been figuring out “Positively 4th Street” for about 2 rounds, but upon returning from his Dragon Walk he had figured it out. The man has the heart of a warrior, and the mind of a Spotify).
3rd Stone from the Sun was the only song not identified by the PAX, so we only had to do one burpee. It was fairly obvious at this point that the songs all included ordinal numbers.
Then just 2 minutes of Mary to get us to that sweet Sugar Mill Whistle.
COT
FNG became Doubtfire.
Animal from Honeysuckle to Lil Cuz.
Blue Tube from Wet Tap to Honeysuckle.
Wet Tap prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
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Free Solo Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best
A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
angered for the last time
the frustrated Q.During the beatdown, the
PAX managed to start by
pretending to not understand the Q’s
ultimate weapon, the
FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
beatdown with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
and self-awareness, Popeye
stepped in and identified
most songs, while the others
were content to plod on
through the exercises,
continuing to climb that hill…The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.The exercises:
1.Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
2.Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
3. Merkins- El Capitan
4.Curls – carioke/bricklayers
5.Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
6.V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
7.Burpees- crab walk (with/without coupon)While the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
“Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.
Thang 2: Lighting Round –
We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly added “Make a deal with quads.”
Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. Strike me down with all your humor and your journey toward the Dad Jokes will be complete!Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.
Mosey to flag for COT
Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.
-AB
…and don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or for worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.
-
Free Solo, Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best
A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
angered for the last time
the frustrated Q.During the beatdown, the
PAX managed to start by
pretending to not understand the Q’s
ultimate weapon, the
FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
beatdown with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
and self-awareness, Popeye
stepped in and identified
most songs, while the others
were content to plod on
through the exercises,
continuing to climb that hill…The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.The exercises:
Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
Merkins- El Capitan
Curls – carioke/bricklayers
Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
Burpees- crab walk (c couponWhile the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.
First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
“Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.
Thang 2: Lighting Round –
We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)
Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.
Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly and even more wittily added “ make a deal with quads.”
…Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. I am defenseless. Strike me down with all your humor, and your journey towards the Dad Jokes will be complete!
Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.Mosey to flag for COT
Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.AB
And don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.
-
Railroaded – from Goose
YHC was admittedly excited about the idea for this beatdown. It came much earlier than the usual 10pm the night before, and YHC even hyped it two days early hoping to stir some interest. However, with crickets on the GroupMe and excuses flying like flatulence at the Lion’s Den, it looked like there may be no one to enjoy such a highly anticipated feast of chance, strategy, teamwork, and train tracks. But, a strong representation of the PAX (even Dox, who had to leave early to get to clinics) charitably made their way to the Peltch this morning worked up enough interest to make it all feel worthwhile.
Enough of the pleasantries, this beatdown was a cutthroat competition for European dominance via railway, and it went something like this:
YHC: Alright, 6:30, let’s get warmed up.
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
(…this leads to all but Valve discussing said movie, which left YHC and Valve the only ones doing any counting. Some definite foreshadowing here…)
(All mosey to the Thunderdome where the board game “Ticket to Ride is set up on a cinder block-carboard table)
YHC: Ok, here are the rules. We’ll split up into three teams of three players each.
(Counts off–teams are: 1. Dox, AB, YJ 2. Pope, White Meat, Duke 3. Valve, Maneater, YHC)
YHC: Each team will pick a card, which has a route on it. You’ll need to place your colored train cars on the different colored tracks that will connect all the cities on your route to connect the start and end points in a non-stop chain of trains.
Dox to AB: Ok, if we start with this one here in Zurich, we can connect to Venezia…
YHC: Hey, listen to the instructions, you can strategize later.
Dox: I can do both at the same time.
YHC: Not so sure. …So, you can claim a track connecting two cities if you do the exercises and the reps that correspond to the color of the track and the number of train cars it indicates you need. So,…
AB to Dox: I think we should make our way through Duetchland. Did you notice that I said “Deutchland”? That’s because I…
YHC: You’re gonna want to pay attention to this. So, if a track has three red car spaces, you would look at this board and see that a red car space means 15 merkins, so each member of your team would need to do 45 merkins.
YJ: (While AB and Dox are whispering and pointing to Amsterdam) Wait, what color are we?
YHC: And, if there is an engine on a space, that means you need to run to the gate and back.
Maneater: Nope
YHC: And, if another team claimed a track you need, you can put one of your stations on the city it connects to and use that track, but a station is earned by your whole team bear crawling around the perimeter of the thunderdome.
Dox to AB: …and if we cut through Budapest…
YHC: Oh, and these spaces outlined in black are tunnels. That means the reps are doubled for those spaces. Here are the exercises and reps indicated by each color track/space on the board:
-Red: 15 Merkins
-Black: 10 Burpees
-Blue: 15 Jump Squats
-White: 15 Bonnie Blairs (2:1)
-Green: 20 Big Boy Situps
-Orange: 20 Crunchy Frogs
-Pink: 20 Toe taps (plank, reach through and touch opposite toe, 2:1)
-Yellow: Line jumps for 1 min, 20 second break between (two feet jump back and forth over a line)White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
YHC: Once you’ve completed the route on the card, you can pick another route card, either a short one or a long one, but if you pick it, you’re committed to completing it. For the cards you complete, you get the number of points indicated on the card, but for the ones incompleted, you lose that number of points. You also will get points for each train car on the board, and the longer the track chosen between cities, the more points you get for it.
AB to Dox: …we should definitely go through Essen. I have a lot of friends there…
YHC: Any questions? Guys! I said, “Any questions?”
YJ: Wait, what team am I on?
YHC: Ok, begin!
(YHC, Valve, and Maneater immediately start cranking out 60 crunchy frogs apiece, and White Meat, Pope, and Duke are doing what seems to be 10 minutes worth of big boys. Meanwhile, the blue team seems to have claimed three or four full tracks before anyone else gets back to the board.)
Dox: Alright, now we just need these three and an engine to go up to Kobenhaven…
Valve: No! Why in the world do you need Kobenhaven?? Goose! We gotta run!
Maneater: Oh, God
(Goose and Valve take off in an effort to beat AB, Dox, and YJ to the gate and back, but it doesn’t matter–somehow, they’ve already done the other exercise reps needed to claim that track, so YHC’s team is stuck with a perimeter bear crawl in order to place a station. I mena, you can’t get to Stockholm without going through Kobenhaven!)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
Dox: Alright, we’re done with this route, let’s pick another card.
Pope: (as he finishes his 80th Bonnie Blair) Did he say “done with this route”?
YHC (internally): I never want to do another crunchy frog for as long as I live.
Valve to Maneater and YHC: Well, it looks like we could either do 60 burpees or 80 crunchy frogs to get to Pamplona.
Maneater and YHC: Crunchy frogs it is.
Pope: No! Blue claimed the track we needed again! I guess those Bonnie Blairs were wasted. Gotta do another perimeter craw.
AB: We’re running out of blue train cars to put on the board. Let’s just start using the black ones.
Dox to AB and YJ: Alright, we’ve done seventeen cards, and it’s 7:15, so I’ve got to go. You guys ought to be able to get another ten or twelve, huh?
AB and YJ: You bet–we’ve got plenty of gas in the tank. This is fun!
YHC to Valve: (panting heavily) I’m having trouble seeing straight–what color is that?
Valve: It’s blue–they’re all over the board, like a stage 4 cancer
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
AB to YJ: So, that’s 60 total big boys. How many have you done so far?
YHC to AB: Wait, are you guys each doing all the reps, or are you splitting the total amongst your team?
AB: Don’t worry, we’re splitting them up. We wouldn’t be so crazy as to each do all those reps. That would be ridiculous.
YHC to White Meat and Pope: Are you guys splitting them up?
Pope: No, we’re each doing the whole rep total.
YHC to AB: Exactly! That’s what we’re all supposed to be doing!
AB: Dox was confident that he heard it was a compilation. And now he’s on his way to work soothing his lemon truck woes with the smug confidence of an inevitable victory.
Valve to YHC: Injustice happens. Looks like we’re bear crawling another lap.
(AB and YJ honorably change their rep counts with 10 minutes left to match the actual rules somehow missed in the explanation, knowing that there will be some substantial point docking at the end. The other two teams keep on keeping on, all the while completely avoiding all black tracks. Seriously, not one burpee was done. It’s amazing what lengths we’ll go to to avoid burpees when given any other option.
7:30 hit and points were tallied with the blue team graciously forfeiting 1/3 of their points. Counted off and three wearables were rewarded: Phil the Pain went to Pope, The Fire Within went to Valve, and Blue Tube went to YHC)YJ: (Prayer)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
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Bs and Cs – from Safety Valve
After yesterday’s Merkin Mania Monday by Pope, YHC felt obligated to add some solid back, bicep, and core work today. Nothing special. Just a slightly different style than usual.
Warmaramma
SSH
Imperial Walkers
Willy mays hats
Wind mills
Arm circles – forward and backward
Cherry pickers
self loveThang
Partner up – AB questioned the use of partners today. Sometimes we just need people by us when we are suffering AB. I’ll be sure to get with his M on how to answer this appropriately next time.Buy in for each person at the stage.
50 LBCs
50 Hello Dolly
50 Freddie Mercury
50 second one inch holdMosey to yonder parking lot. Each team did two stations below:
Four stations – sand bag at each
Bent over low rows – 60lb x 15 reps
Lawn mower rows, single arm -35lb x 15 reps
Curls – 40lb x15 reps
Curls – single arm, 18 lb 3 ways – 10 full, 10 bottom to half way, 10 half way to top.Mosey back to stage. By this time, Creed rocking in the background was bringing Goose back to a simpler time, while AB was crying on the inside and maybe the outside. To the parking lot and back to the stage was probably close to 1/4 mile. This was true if you didn’t cheat yourself and took the proper sidewalk route… IYKYK. We ended by picking up the 6 (team Goose and Enron – maybe they did an extra set, maybe not) and sprinting back to the flag.
COT, Fire within was given to Suckle by Pope, prayers continue for Coyote, Lil Cuz prayed us out.
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Veteran’s Day Elevensies: by Pope – from Goose
Sunday evening and YHC was minding his own business, ready for a regular Monday morning getup the next day when Goose asked if he wanted to Q tomorrow morning. YHC casually concurred, thinking “Valve tends to bring the heat with Monday Qs outlined on the way there; I should be okay.”
A few minutes later, Goose filled me in on two pieces of unfortunate news: (1) that he would be missing the beatdown on an account of an inconveniently timed colonoscopy/EDG appointment at Our Lady of the Lake Children’s Hospital for Coyote (he’s regained his activeness and high energy level; thank you on behalf of him, Goose and myself for all of your prayers!), and (2) that Monday was November 11, Veteran’s Day.
The last time YHC unknowingly signed up to Q on a holiday was on January 1 of this year; Goose was there to dump off to—not this time. He did, however, have a quick and easy (to devise) format: “How about you do eleven elevens?” my reaction was the same as what I read on the faces of the numerous PAX that showed up: mixture of “Ooh…” and “Eh?”
Jogging to the Stage from the house after Goose left with Yote, YHC came within sight of the parking lot and noticed with a faint glimmer of hope that it was empty at 5:10… maybe everyone else held on to the justified opinion that a holiday workout—especially after Popeye’s CFT destruction on Saturday –was not worth the trade of a few extra hours of sleep. YHC’s hopes were dashed—ahem… assumption was proven wrong when Popeye pulled in as soon as the thought occurred to me, followed a few minutes later by Valve.
The format was simple: ten reps of eleven different exercises (done this morning up on the Stage) then one rep of another set of eleven different exercises (done after a half-lap around the track), followed by nine of set one’s exercises and two of set two, and so on in basic elevens format.
The exercises for each set were as follows:
Set 1 (descending):
· American hammers
· Merkins
· Bobby hurleys
· Big boy sit-ups
· Freak nasties
· Squats
· V-ups
· Kraken burpees (later modified to hand-release burpees)
· Box jumps
· LBCs
· No-cheat merkins
Set 2 (ascending):
· Freddy mercuries
· Carolina dry docks
· Bonny blairs
· WWI sit-ups
· Shoulder taps
· Imperial walkers
· Burpees
· Derkins
· Star jumps
· Hello dollies
· Inchworm merkins
(Note: Valve promised to remove most of the chest workouts tomorrow, for those considering posting.)
In 40 minutes, the PAX completed every set until we got to 6 and 5 reps at the respective stations. Chatter was generally quiet, as is to be expected when the routine requires an annoying amount of rep counting and/or physical discomfort.
COT and Valve prayed us out.
The PAX kept up a decent pace throughout the beatdown, only slacking a little; shoutout to Valve and Popeye for showing up on a holiday and grinding out an intimidating workout with me to the finish (bonus points for enduring the general lack of tunes).
SYITG, Pope
