F3 New Orleans

Tag: Popeyes

  • Brain Games – from Goose

    Last Monday, it was the same thing. Crickets on GroupMe after a tough Saturday and a last minute Goose fill-in on a blank Q slot. Thankfully, Safety Valve had already HC’d on the Jurptown group, and Paradiddle started chirping early enough to prove he was already on the road navigating the killer cane trucks appearing suddenly out of the fog. So, YHC knew that he and Pope wouldn’t be attacking the points monster alone.

    And, this proved to be the attendance list–four men, unafraid of posting two days in a row; unafraid of the nonsense that comes into YHC’s head at 10pm the night before a Q. This time it was math, psychology. and diamonds.

    YHC knew we had to try to get as many points as possble in a 45 minute window while not destroying the morale of a small crew and keeping it somewhat interesting. So, a brainless grind was off the table, as was any strong theme that might suck up time. YHC settled on the 7 of Diamonds. Any ladder exercise gives you an insane amount of reps while not feeling like an insane amount of reps because you’re doing a limited number at a time and you’re very focused on counting.

    After some solid warmups and a trip to the coupon stash, we stowed our coupons on the far side of the stage patio and then gathered on the lot side for instructions.

    Round 1:
    -First corner of the track = 7 burpees, run to next corner
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups, 28 Curls

    The mind trick here is that you think you’re just adding a few more of something at each corner. But, you’re actually cranking out the reps, which is pretty exhausting, and we needed a ten-count before Round 2.

    Round 2: (carried coupons with us this time)
    -Corner 1 = 7 burpees
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls, 28 Big Boys

    At this point, YHC explained that we had just done 56 burpees in about 10 minutes, in the midst of other not-so-easy exercises. And those were the easy part. It’s amazing what the body can endure when the brain is focused elsewhere. So, YHC then explained that we’d be doing 11’s with manmakers and merkins, which was similar to last Monday. This initially made SV and Pope doubt the wisdom of posting this morning; but, just like last Monday, we’d start with 10 of the hard one, and work our way down. The brain can then focus on the relief it’s getting with every round instead of on the fact that we’d be completing 55 manmakers in 15 minutes in the midst of running and nurring over a half mile and doing 55 merkins.

    These guys are beasts, and they flew through these despite YHC’s interesting new playlist rolling along behind them (and maybe the strange combination of songs provided a bit of a distraction from the pain as well). And, so, four men, in just making the decision to get out of bed, show up, and not say no, completed the following number of exercises one set, one rep at a time:
    55 Manmakers
    56 Burpees
    100 Merkins
    42 Bonnie Blairs
    82 V-ups
    70 Curls
    28 Big Boy Situps
    1 Mile
    Total: 600 points

    On this second-to-last day of Jurptober, YHC is proud to be joined by these men and driven by them and for them to choose to keep pushing the limits of what’s possible in 45 minutes. These are things that I would never do for myself, but just as in every other aspect of life, I always benefit more from the decisions to let go of my comfort for the sake of others than I do when I’m chasing my own fulfillment. This is what life is all about, and it makes me extremely grateful for these experiences with you guys.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Don’t Fear the Reaper – from Paradox

    YHC rolled in a touch early to the Peltch to lay out a few stations for our trick or treaters. Greeting Ronnie and Fresh Gi on the way I made a few cone deposits, worked up a lather and visited the haunted ghost toilet for an early backblast. Jeaux had been correct previously noting the eeriness of a densely fogged peltch morning and YHC planned to weave it into todays theme.

    On return Ronnie and Gi had been joined by a stout group of 12 more pax. It was another true gloom and YHC had trouble distinguishing everyone but found early inspiration in a returned Fire in the Hole and a sweaty HoneySuckle, already 7 miles deep on the day. (Campaign to rename him RunnySuckle?)

    Slowly noting my error in a late groupme invite to wear a costume YHC was ready to be “that guy”’when the Old Testament Tundra rolled in and out stepped Malachi Obadiah Dawson the IV , the great Shepard/Prophet/Early Church Father( his story is in one of those apocryphal books so don’t sweat it ).
    It was a clear sign the cardio strain was about to get biblical.
    Let’s get it !

    Duke! Get the candy corn
    It’s F3 Thib Halloween!

    Warmup
    SSH
    IW
    Frankensteins (shout out to America’s FrankenBeast )
    Bat Wings (10 AC, 10 CP, MNCs, Self Love )
    HIgh Knees, Butt Kicks

    Indian run to ThunderDome with last man dropping off for 3 Peter Parker Merkins as a shoutout to Gooses lifelong love of the spidey suit.
    Because if a full grown man can’t be spiderMan every year till he’s 99 then what are we even doing with all this freedom ?!

    We had a fine Indian run with some Halloween selected jamz leading us back to the Tdome for jurps and treats.

    As this backblast goes to print we are 28 days into what the critics are calling the greatest ISI of our age. Jurptober has had it all. Feats of strength, bonding, betrayal, ghost poops, Merkin miles, berkin miles (hushtones), ageless wonders, Google sheets meltdowns..all under the careful eye of the Architect. So it was difficult for YHC to refresh the jurpee but if there’s one thing that always moves the needle in F3 Thib it’s the feared emom timer…
    YHC dialed up 2 minutes with 3 kraken burpees as the kicker.
    All finished in fine form and Smooth beat the clock on round two of the Kraken by atleast 14 seconds.

    **Trick or Treat**
    Roll first dye – Take standard 15 reps (treat) OR add the trick and roll the second die with lower or higher. (Die have 5-10-15-20-25-30)
    We rolled every time we change locations or as a ten count.
    Along the way we did Burpees , BBSU, LBCs and Most Pax chose the conservative 15 rep approach. (Lame!)

    Mosey to the Chimney to start the Monster Mash

    The Main Thang was all about releasing dat Monster within.
    We trained in each of the 4 traditional Halloween monster disciplines. Listed below with their correlating groupme hype actors. Name image and likeness were taken from these men with no consent and they will have little help with litigation as my legal team is busy battling no less than 17 active Jurp citations this month.

    Da Monsters:

    I.) The Werewolf (Yankee Jeaux Jackson before turning full werewolf in the Thriller video)

    7 Werewolf’s (Carolina dry dock into upward dog yoga pose )
    Run to the chimney , Nur back
    1 BBSU
    Increase the BBS and decrease werewolves until complete.
    This had several pax booking early Monday chiropractic appointments for shoulder evals.

    2.) The Zombie
    Pax split into equal teams
    Hold plank in a line with enough room to frog hop in between. The last pax hop to the front and do 5 merkins. Repeat until your entire team crossed the cone. The return race would be a team arm linked lunge. Epic graveyard race and YHCs vision was too blurry to call it anything but a photo finish.

    Mosey to monkey bars

    3.) The Vampire (Count Goosula)
    Hanging in the Cave
    P1 hanging leg raises AMRAP
    P2 10 burpees
    2 rounds each to complete 40 burpees as a pair.

    4.) The Mummy (our Knights in shining Armor Ronnie and Tana)

    Pyramid Scheme of Burpees

    Bearcrawl to cones
    Increasing burpees , then crawl bear during descending burpees
    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1

    YHC set the course up for some intended gang clashes and was not disappointed when I hit a smooth wrecking ball and was almost shanked by a an optometrist. Ya love to see the competition.

    Back to the flag for name off count off

    Jurpee numbers (adjust if you see fit)
    1 jurp
    67 burpees
    Merkins depending on graveyard race cycles
    50 BBSU

    Intentions
    Announcements:

    AB house party upcoming Nov 11

    Goose Leaving the Nest party on Nov 12
    (I’m still in denial, it’s just a prank…sigh)

    More deets on these in the GroupMe

    Ronnie Prayed us out

    Had a blast getting better and finding some monsters today men.
    Great work
    Enjoy a feast on your 2.0s candy
    It was well earned.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates:

    Ever found yourself curious as to what a psychedelic experience would feel like? No?…
    No one? Okay okay then, play it coy, your secrets safe with me *wink *wink
    Buttttt if you had, and didn’t want all the baggage, (health risk, weird shaman named Marley, unhealthy fear of leprechauns) then yesterday morning at Peltier park at approximately 6:39am you had a perfect opportunity. You could have sat right in the Thunderdome, on a bleacher, sober as a church mouse and witnessed quite a trip:

    A light fog sizzling off the hard pan spicy grass, backlit by a tremendous blazing full moon. A shadowy hearse standing ominously at center stage. Street light splotches of hazy orange along the pavement. Fluorescent greens and purples from a blow up haunted house add to the dizzying effect. And then you hear the growing foot falls of 11 men, 3 children and a well worn wagon. Led by a desert prophet they jog by single file maniacally tossing dice to and fro. Anchored by a ghostbuster, occasionally one loses all function, drops to the ground and pretends to be spiderMan. They continue in this manner until reaching a pre arranged destination surrounding the hearse. That’s when the shrooms really kick in. They start a synchronous series of exercises while the Blue Oyster Cult reminds them to not fear the reaper. Not satisfied with this they disappear into the gloom looking for more monsters to mash with.

    Ya know
    Maybe my 6th grade DARE teacher was right
    Maybe you can get high on life.

    I’ll need a few more beatdown to be sure…

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Country For Old Men – from Honeysuckle

    Jason Aldean was the flame. Boot Scootin Goosie was the fuse. It was only a matter of time until the country beatdown would occur. And friend-o, that day was today.
    On a dew-filled morning at the stage, fourteen men gathered eventually and the fun began.

    Warmarama
    20 Side straddle hops (YHC would have made it 40 if Tana had been there on time)
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward and back’ard
    No cherry pickers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    As all required Jurps no longer need to take place prior to doing anything else, yet realizing that leaving a full four Jurps for the PAX to have to do OYO after a beatdown is a little too much, we split the difference and did two Jurps as part of the beatdown. As to not waste time, the country music started with “I think I’ll just stay here and jurp” by Merle Haggard. Piccadilly jumped in after the first round started but so smoothly it was as though he just appeared out of thin air. Despite the excessively long instrumental outro, a second song was needed so that the second jurp could be completed by the PAX so that was [this is taking a very long] “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams.
    Then, a coupon mosey to get the hard stuff.

    The first thang
    The next part was a small homage to what played no small part in putting country music into pop culture (and eventually into a cult with popeye), which was the movie Urban Cowboy. (That movie also put mechanical bulls into every honky tonk bar.) Both songs are by Jerry Lee, with the first being “Cherokee Fiddle.” We did V-ups during the song, but during the chorus (“When he smelled the smoke and the cinders…”), we grabbed our own cinders and did manmakers.

    The second song was “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” YHC looked at points total per Jurptoberfest exercise and found the two exercises with the fewest points. These at that time were big boy situps and curls, so by doing these we would be looking for points in all the wrong places. So similar to the previous song, BBS’s during the song and curls during the chorus. Enron had been preparing for this moment his whole life and really shone during those curls. As did Cuz.

    YHC after the fact proposed the equivalent of a “standard deduction” for points earned during the first thang. This is because there were no sheets to write down the number of each exercise the PAX did, so many PAX did not really know how many points they earned. Inadvertently, in doing so, YHC perhaps initiated a bout of points inflation that a future hawkish Q will have to clean up. The overall jurptober impact remains to be seen. Analysts are saying that the biggest impact is likely to be in the manmaker category as they represent the largest number of points per exercise.

    The second thang
    The second thang was going to take longer and finish out the workout. The song “Redneck Girl” has always been a favorite, next to “Queen of my double wide trailer”. But in “Redneck Girl”, the Bellamy Brothers highlight all of the desirable qualities of these types of women. One of these is that a redneck girl has her name on the back of her belt. In honor of that line, we did a conveyor belt exercise.

    There were 5 stations where these five activities were done, with bear crawls in between.
    Station 1: V-ups (20)
    Station 2: Merkins (20)
    Station 3: Bonnie Blairs (20, I think we all know by now it’s 2:1)
    Station 4: Big Boy Situps (20)
    Station 5: Burpees (10)

    Four stations were populated with PAX leaving one open station for at least a little freedom of movement for one group. All PAX in a group were supposed to stay together and couldn’t go to the next station until the group at that station left. But I’m sure Yankee Joe could spend multiple lectures covering case studies highlighting what PAX are “supposed to do” versus what they actually do. And I just completed an internship.

    Now, if you liked the loitering and waiting in Saturday’s beatdown, you would LOVE the conveyor belt. There was ample opportunity to trash talk teams taking too long, and those opportunities were seized. However, the waiting was sort of a feature because otherwise there were no real breaks. Just like in a honky tonk bar, there were even PAX getting up on the tables doing their thing. In the end, everyone made it through two rounds, in most/all cases also finishing a third set of the exercise where the respective PAX began.

    During this time, we got to additionally hear “John Deere Green” by Joe Diffie, “Hard Workin’ Man” by Brooks and Dunn, and most of “L. A. Freeway” by Jerry Jeff Walker. The soundtrack was well received overall, though one PAX couldn’t take it and left. And I expect to continue to not hear country music during my next eye exam.

    We circled up, counted off, named off, did announcements, intentions, and Pope prayed us out. Dox pictured us out.

    After the coupon return and general cleanup, around 10 PAX stayed and finished up the Jurps. Gotta love and admire the dedication of this group. Smooth, showing next level determination and grit, grinded out his last Jurp with everyone just sort of standing around him and Goose holding the shovel.

    Much appreciation to the PAX for being hard workin’ men today and even feeling comfortable enough to share that they enjoy listening to country music only if chipmunks are singing it. It is great to celebrate the recent birthdays, and while some of these songs remind us that the world and our lives keep changing as we get older, many fundamental things don’t change, and for myself at least, F3 continues to provide a way to improve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to stay in the fight now and hopefully for many years to come.

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.

  • Jurptown Rides at Dawn – from Goose

    After absolutely zero interactions or responses to YHC’s hype on GroupMe last night, low numbers were expected this morning, especially after Yankee Jeaux’s thrasher on Saturday. YHC is starting to see a pattern of slim Mondays after tough Saturdays (IPC last month really nailed this home). So, Pope and I weren’t surprised to see a lone, very brightly lit truck waiting for us in the parking lot at 5:12 am. Thankfully, per usual, the PAX did not disappoint, and two more fancy trucks made their way in before the warmup was over; and thankfully, they were both inhabitants of Jurptown, USA. The ever-stalwart Safety Valve and the ever-jurping Lil’ Cuz made it a five man crew with Wet Tap and Pope repping “We Ride at Dawn” with their newly minted headbands.

    The usual warmups with lots of reps and with added high knees and butt kicks still weren’t enough to break through the soreness and stiffness from Saturday, but YHC had hopes that the first Thang could handle it.

    Thang 1: Merkin Mile
    The Merkin Mile feels like that one girl that every guy talked about for a while in 7th grade. But, after a few months, when they realized that she had already gone through “changes” and was merely annoyed by them, they just found other things to talk about, like Zelda or murder bunnies. But, with the opportunity to both loosen up and rack up a quick 150 points, it was time to resurrect an old faithful. Mile loop with 25 merkins at each quarter-mile. We stayed together as a group, just like at the 7th grade dance.

    Thang 2: 11’s. Twice.
    The first set of 11’s were in response to the mathematical reality that YHC learned on Saturday: manmakers rack up a ton of points. And, knowing that Valve and YHC share a deep love for manmakers, why not stack up 55 of them in 15 minutes? Thankfully, YHC had the wherewithal to put the manmakers first, starting with 10 and working down, otherwise we may have lost our morale for good. So, it was manmakers at the flag and v-ups at the opposite sidewalk, running there and nurring back.
    The second set brought sweet relief from the manmakers, but that relief died a quick, violent death after just one round: Bonnie Blairs at the flag and curls (2:1) at the sidewalk, carioca both ways. Bonnies to carioca and then back to carioca after not enough time curling to catch your breath was a deadly combination. 10 minutes was not enough to finish this one, though we got close.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out, but we had some jurping to do. All 5 stayed through the first round (a little slower on the back end of a beatdown than on the front end), and Tap had to roll, but the rest of us pushed through three more so we could be done for the day. And, no one wants to jurp alone.

    Incredible work by these manly men this morning. Thanks for being willing to get out of bed and post! It was a point feast, and these fellas earned every one of them.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Looked Better on Paper – from Goose

    YHC felt pretty proud of the continued creativity necessary to keep jurps and points rolling after almost three full weeks of beatdowns. And this morning was a particular point of pride because YHC was going to introduce the PAX to a classic routine that was a huge part of YHC’s F3 foundation while also racking up an obscene amount of points. At least, that was the plan.
    Warmup brought a welcomed razzing from YJ (the now-usual absence of he and Dox have made for some unusually quiet warmups). Then, we grabbed coupons out of the truck and made a ring around Enron (at the second sidewalk). He declined to be the center of attention, saying something about his tempo squat form, and we commenced three rounds of jurps. But, since YHC was Q-ing, the whole group had to nurse a rotator cuff injury, so we replaced the 10 groiners with 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1). It was tough, and it definitely took longer than 10 minutes; a good bit longer.
    YHC took the opportunity to fit in a quarter-mile lap around the building while the anchors finsihed the last round to Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” cranking out of the impeccable sounds of the Oontz. And, we needed to keep half the PAX from building up points while they waited for the rest to finish–especially the ones not on YHC’s team.
    The time had come to share the foundational gift of the Classic Deck of Death. With the dawn of the newer F3 cards with a different exercise on each, the classic routine has fallen deep into the dark middle range of the Exicon. Well, not today! Today each suit represented an exercise, and it would remain that way for the duration–so, only four exercises, and the number on the card drawn would be the number of reps. But, the face cards are bad news–they mean high reps and a harder version of the exercise of their suit. The suits were assigned as follows:

    Hearts: Merkins; Face cards: 20 shoulder-tap merkins
    Clubs: V-ups; Face cards: 20 X-factors (lying spread eagle, hand goes up to meet opposite foot, like a half v-up)
    Spades: Bonnie Blairs; Face cards: 20 Goosies
    Diamonds: Curls (but 2x the rep numbers); Face cards: 40 curls
    All Aces: lap around the building

    You can imagine why YHC would have figured on racking up points, especially since YHC remembers getting almost through an entire deck during beatdowns on the Northshore. But, they didn’t do three rounds of Bonnie Blair Jurpees and a quarter-mile lap before starting. And, somehow it took an average of 30 seconds for each PAX to turn over a card, stare at it like it they were having to decipher some sort of ancient language, read it out to the group, and then half the PAX ask for him repeat it loudly because they couldn’t hear it over Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4”. So, we only got through about a third of the deck and one other Ace, which brought the total up to a measly half mile.
    Total numbers of reps were:
    -3 jurps
    -71 Merkins
    -59 Bonnie Blairs
    -55 V-ups (2:1 x-factors counted as 1)
    -78 Curls
    And, for those who ran a couple more laps after COT, 1 mile.

    YHC appreciated the PAX’s willingness to push through, especially the Bonnies and Goosies, despite the supposed promise of some fun games of chance. (Instead, they got “Just turn over the next card and we’ll do one of four things.”) Honestly, it’s more interesting when you know you’re gonna get through the whole deck, so the torturous cards are comin’…it’s only a matter of time before your luck runs out.

    Announcements, Animal shirt went to the well-deserving Hypotenuse, whose quiet perseverance is admirable, though YHC looks forward to when he starts slinging witty mud at YJ like the rest of us. America’s Best prayed us out.
    Lastly, it was awesome as YHC was driving out to see more than one of the men accompanying the still recovering Smooth around the civic center as he refused to not complete his mile. Proud to be a part of such an awesome crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “But Wait, There’s More!” by America’s Best – from Yankee Joe

    There was once a time, before all of this handheld, on-demand streaming gluten-free wifi entertainment, a time when men were men, and Boyz II Men, and ABC, BBD (East Coast Family). In these grueling times, if one were to lie sleepless at night, the only solace was whatever happened to be on the TV… which was almost always the Infomercial. A late night beacon through the (brain) fog, the Infomercial beckons: “Give me your clumsy, your stupid, your flummoxed masses…”

    Smooth Operator was already on site as YHC pulled up this morning; this dude never fails to impress with his punctuality, commitment, and demeanor after working 12 hours. Also, in spite of being here first, he doesn’t steal anyone else’s parking spot. The brief parking spot controversy this morning was broken by a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom, cloaked both in darkness and a red hoodie. This was the signal- it was time to begin.

    Warmarama:
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Now, as the chatter rose, a confidential informant (we’ll just call him “Elliot”) murmurs an aside to YHC: when the PAX ups the chatter, it’s time to drop the hammer.

    And so began Warmarama++(AKA ”The Jurp Store Called and They’re Running out of You”):
    23 Tempo squats
    18 or so mtn climbers
    20 tempo merkins
    15 mtn climbers
    Then the rest of the Jurp on your own. (Somewhere around this time Hypotenuse appears, and YHC could go off on a tangent about that here… but we all know tangents never reference Hypotenuses.)

    With the first Jurp completed, it was time to mosey.

    The Thang:
    While actually planning a Thang of completely different proportions for this morning, YHC began to notice that certain Jurpaple exercises were actually contained within other more complicated maneuvers.
    And so, much like the hapless characters in the first half of most “how many times has this happened to you” infomercials, we would go about getting our Jurp points the hard way.

    Let me explain. No, there is too much… let me sum up:

    First, the Jurps. The Jurpee is the OG Granddaddy Longlegs of overdoing it. To this point, there was some sort of objection that “you actually get more points from Jurping than by just doing Burpees,” but luckily, YHC had the mental toughness to block that kind of positivity out. And the PAX completed the buy-in.

    21s (Curls): the bottom half of a curl 7 times, the top half of a curl 7 times, then 7 full curls. Lots of extraneous work for 7 curls. There was a bit of debate over whether ½ curl + ½ curl =1 curl. Ultimately, YHC used his executive “boat captain” power to declare only full curls are full curls. And thus, while a total of 56 additive curls were done, only 28 were scored. And there was much groaning (but not as much as there likely was after that hypotenuse joke).

    NUR one lap

    Breakdancer Merkins: “How many times has this happened to you? You’re trying to Merkin, then one arm shoots up in the air, while the opposite leg flails out in front of you?”
    Dox feigned ignorance, then took it to another level, breakdancing with Merkins in-between. YHC is pretty sure there was even a headspin in there. (Which may be why he blacked out during his performance and has no memory of it).

    Dying Cockroaches: Almost a V-up? Maybe half a V-up, and then another half? Also confusing because no two people do this exercise the same way. In fact, YHC (very awkwardly) demonstrated it, then performed it in a totally different fashion. Either way, you get zero points for whatever bastard child of a V-up this is.

    NUR! Another lap

    WWIII Situps: If you don’t hate these yet, you haven’t done enough of them. Please let YHC know.

    Goosies: Like the old saying goes: “If you wanna get some Bonnie Blair, sometimes you gotta cop a Squat for free.”

    —-End black-and-white portion of the infomercial—

    Thang 1.5 —Welcome to Oz— (the Colorized portion of the infomercial)

    Now it is time to do things the “Easy Way.” YHC offered a brief respite to recount a story… years ago, a friend, frustrated at the supermarket, was cursing at some avocados when suddenly she was approached by a strange woman. “Oh deary, calm yourself…. don’t you know about the ‘Easy Way’?”
    This was one of those seemingly innocuous statements that also sounds a lot like an invitation to join a cult. Other examples include “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table,” and “Free Men’s Workout.”

    For the remainder of the Thang, we will do only what is necessary to garner Jurp points (AKA the Easy Way)

    Now Run! Like normal human persons!

    Burpees! (some far-off mumbling again about total Burpee vs Jurpee efficiency, probably)
    Coupon Curls! YHC has to give credit to Enron for inspiring all the curls in this beatdown… he has done them in such large quantities YHC figured they might be a welcome break. YHC was wrong.

    RUN Again!

    Merkins! Regular ones, where you get points for exactly what you are doing.
    V-ups! Same!

    And, I’m sorry we are out of time.

    Animal was bestowed upon Yankee Joe.

    Dox prayed us out.

    Afterword: “High Impact Men” only begins to describe the members of this PAX. Hope you guys are as motivated by YHC as YHC is by you all. Honored to be a part of the PAX, and so thankful for those who said to YHC that fateful day, “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table”

    SYITG,
    AB

  • Gameday Training – from Enron

    It has been quite a while since YHC has been able to make it to a Saturday beatdown and even longer since having the opportunity to Q one. Therefore, YHC rolled up a little early to the Peltch to an empty parking lot scattered with shot-gunned Twisted Tea cans from what looked like a wild Friday night. 9 PAX of men pulled in shortly thereafter waiting for training camp to get started. Flag planted, let’s get this thing rolling.
    Warmarama: SSH, IW, Windmills, Self-Love, AC, Cherry Pickers, High Knees, Butt Kicks
    YHC noticed it was eerily silent during the warmup and didn’t know if it was due to the lack of Dox and Tana’s normal chatter, or the fear that was placed on the PAX from Yankee Jeaux’s description of the last “Game of Games” Q in the GroupMe.
    Thang 1: Strength Training
    To be game day ready, YHC described that there are many different forms of preparation that you must put your mind and body through. We would be working our way through each of them to make sure that the PAX was prepared for the main event at the end of today. This started off with some strength training.
    Who doesn’t like medium-roasted Jeaux in the morning? YHC explained the breakdown of what the exercises in the Jurp were for YJ since he has seemingly forgotten the movements since he wrote them down 3 weeks ago.

    20 Tempo Squats
    10 Groiners
    20 Merkins
    10 Groiners
    20 Jump Squats
    20 LBCs
    20 Leg Raises

    Rinse and Repeat

    Thang 2: Endurance Training

    After a quick debate on the best route to get a mile in, and quickly shutting down Wet Tap’s idea, the PAX began a 1-mile Indian run with the last man dropping off for 3 merkins before running to the front to choose his pace.

    Thang 3: Coordination Training
    Moseyed to the previously unused Bocce ball court for a quick game. Thanks to Goose, Pope, and Duke for allowing the use of their family game night set of Bocce Ball.

    Split into teams 1 and 2
    Rules:
    Thow out the “jack”
    Each member throws their Bocce Ball to attempt to get closest to the jack. If that ball ends up closer, the opposing team does 2 Burpees. Alternated teams until each player had thrown their ball. The team with the closest ball at the end was “rewarded” with 5 Merkins, while the losing team did 10 burpees.

    Team 2 had a commanding lead through the entire game and thought we would easily walk away with a victory. Smooth had other plans. On the last shot, he went with the perfectly placed hail Mary of a throw and knocked the Jack, and his ball, out of the cluster of other balls to take the W. Well played sir.

    Thang 4: Mental Training
    Each team lined up facing one another for a quick round of Rock paper scissors.
    The Rules:
    One game of RPS vs. each of the opposing team members
    Round one loser 1, 2=1 Bonnie Blair
    Round 2 loser 2 Bonnie Blairs
    Round 3 loser 3 and so on until all teammates have played each member of the opposing team.

    Thang 5: The main event, Gameday – Frisburpee
    Ultimate Frisbee but on every turnover the team that turned over the frisbee would drop for 2 burpees while the opposing team would do 1 merkin. In the second half this was changed to 2 Bonnie Blairs with 1 squat. Losing team did 5 Burpees per touchdown in the first half and 5 Bonnie Blairs in the second.

    This is what the PAX has been training all day for, the main event. The teams seemed relatively even though YHC was very pleased to see that both the 2.0s were on his team. 2.0 energy has been known to be a large advantage in any endurance, and running, game. This was quickly proved to be correct. After scoring the opening 6 touchdowns, team 2 was dominating the opposition. Jeaux, learned that he had to “sell out” for the frisbee, and with reckless abandon he was quickly diving all over the pitch. Pope was showing off his impressive ups and long arms for grabbing the frisbee. Duke even looked over to YHC and said “ Enron, I really like this game”. With that kind of lead, what is there not to like.
    Not so fast my friend… Team 1 quickly scored a couple TDs towards the end to even the score out (kind of). Time was called and we moseyed to the flag.

    Announcements and Goose Prayed us out. Animal was rewarded to Smooth for his ever continuing strength and drive.

    This was an awesome start to “gameday” and YHC is truly honored to be a part of this PAX and this group of High impact men. Happy to see Goldilox back in the rotation again as well. Thanks to all for making it out.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Glory Hogs – from Goose

    It was Day 2 of finding creative ways to rack up a ton of points in the Jurptober By-You Spreadsheet Challenge, so before it gets old, YHC decided to fill this beatdown with valuable exercises.

    As YHC and Pope parked in a relatively empty parking lot, we wondered if it’d be slim pickins for what YHC hoped would be an exciting challenge. But, AB quickly pulled up, and then Hypotenuse emerged from a truck that has not yet imprinted itself on YHC’s PAX radar. Then, thankfully, six more dudes flowed in, Honeysuckle wearing a new shirt that embodies the spirit of F3–it says “Honeysuckle” below a graphic from what looks to be an album cover from the early 70’s. Upon questioning, he revealed that Honeysuckle was/is in fact a band, but that no further details are known. By anyone.

    YHC was struck by the fact that, besides Smooth and Pope, this group was a totally different group than the one that posted yesterday morning. It’s awesome to see that we’re up to enough guys to have solid numbers despite the fact that people don’t typically post every day. But, it also meant that only the three of us would benefit from multiple days this week of jacked up beatdown points. So be it.

    After a warmup of the usuals, up to the full 20 reps since YHC is getting old, we moseyed to get coupons. Upon returning, the coupons were placed in the middle of the field so as to outline a square, about 10 yards across. After the needed two rounds of Jurps OYO, the square became a professional wrestling ring and the PAX partnered up for a Tag Team Royal Rumble. Here’s the rules:
    While Partner 1 cranked out a given exercise in the ring until he needed a break, Partner 2 ran around the track waiting to be tagged in. Exercises changed every five minutes. Men in the ring weren’t allowed to take breaks or rest–if you needed to stop/take a break, you had to run to your partner and tag him in. The Partner 2 got the chance to earn points while the timer ticked and famous “tag team” musical duos rocked the field via the power of Oontz (he did pretty well sitting up on top of a coupons).

    The exercises were: burpees, V-ups, merkins, Bonnie Blairs, Big Boi Situps, and curls. And, just like in professional wrestling, the glory only goes to the one in the ring, and though the Q clearly stated that there was to be no resting in the ring, there were still some glory hogs who seemed to be bent on intentionally robbing their partners of the opportunity to shine. This may have been because partners weren’t on the same Jurpee teams, or because of Oontz’s ability to drive men’s hearts with clarity and bass. it may have also been the quality of YHC’s Tag Team playlist, which expertly combined songs like “Whoomp, There it Is” by Tag Team, “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel, and “Think About It” by Flight of the Conchords specifically to invoke the greatest possible interior response and enhance the brain’s capacity to log multiple numbers while continuing to count new reps and laps around the track (8 times = a mile). Nothing syncs the neurons like Kriss Kross followed immediately by the Dooby Brothers.

    When the sugar plant whistle blew at 6:00 (that’ll be a nice way to keep time for a few months), every man did his best to repeat his numbers in his foggy mind so they didn’t float away with the cool breeze. Circled up, counted off, Animal went to Cardinal (where it will likely hibernate for the winter), and Honeysuckle prayed us out.
    After prayer, a number of the PAX ran a few more laps to get finish out the second mile, and then we trickled out of the parking lot. Awesome work this morning, fellas! Y’all make it worth the effort!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Great British Beatdown – from Paradox

    “Everyone has a plan, till you get punched in the face by the iron fist of a 3 week old” YHC thought as he sent the mayday text to Goose at 5:10a “start the warm up then Jurp them boys and jurp them good!”
    Apparently newborn vomitus waits for no man and after some mischief was managed I put the Dox mobile into a hi 5th, ya hate to be late to a bake-off !!

    When the great creator of the Jurp (some circles only whisper his name as “the architect”) unveiled the Jurpee extra curriculars YHC thought they looked like a recipe’s ingredient list. I knew that could be used, but it sat in the “save for beatdown file” waiting for a spark. Stephen King says the creation of any good story starts with a cup (the content) and you just need to add a handle (the conflict/action) to carry it. When YHCs M reminded me of a fresh season of the Great British Baking Show I had just the Handle I needed. Ya see unlike more productive pandemic hobbies (Cardinal’s coffee roasting and Jeaux’s Peleton) YHC picked up this ultra addictive baking show. It had all the fine qualities YHC loves in a tV show. No plot, no characters to remember. Comedians hired to stir the pot. PLUS you can fall asleep in season 2 , wake up in season 7 and they are baking the same bread with the same quippy satire. No spoilers, no recap. Just pastry’s and focaccia and zero stress.
    Bliss

    In review : Cup plus handle plus prime time gloom= a bake off themed beatdown

    Duke! Get the bean footage!
    On your mark , get set , bake!

    Warmup –
    Completed by Goose as YHC performed burp cloth windmills and imperial wet diapers.

    The Signature Bake

    Dish : 2 pots of oven baked JurpeeLaya- Just add pax
    Serve fresh with a late Q.

    YHC rolled in hot after an agonizingly long ride behind a cane truck and picked up about 1.25 jurps in. This segwayed nicely into the explanation of the Jurpee as a classic signature bake. It’s familiar, repeatable, and you can present it with confidence even if Paul Hollywood says your jump sqats look stodgy and your leg raises are still raw in the center.

    The Technical Bake:

    Dish : The Paul HollyWebb

    Usually difficult with very little instructions involving complex ingredient ratios.
    Our bakers had to attempt a Paul Holliwebb bake that included a 1 mile run and some mixed Jack Webbs
    First at the port a jon for Bonnie Blair’s and Merkins.
    Increases by 1 and 2 till we finished with 6 Bonnie’s and 12 merkins
    (Total : 16 Bonnie’s , 30 merkins)

    There were zero complaints about the OctoberBest Merkin fest on Saturday
    German engineering at its best.

    Round 2
    V/ups / BBSU
    1 BBSU/2 BBSU till we got till 6 BBSU and 12
    (Total : 24 v ups ish
    (Memory is hazy here so please modify your numbers if that’s the truth in your heart)

    **at the time of this writing leg raises outside of a jurp will be put on trial by the Rienzi Inquisition.
    Goodness gracious , this ISI has more asterisks than the McGuire/Sosa homerun race ***

    Took it to Coupon Alley with a 3 burpee Indian Run on the way

    The ShowStopper

    The last bake of the show
    This one is everything you got
    All out , hammer down, no brakes.
    Which logically lead us to …

    The Diddle Death March ManMaker Mile brought to you by Betty Crocker

    Inspired by Diddles personal touch to close out a bd with nothing left but a puddle of pax.

    10 Manmakers
    Run to stage
    1 Burpees
    In Elevens format we decreases the manmakers and increased the burpees till time or death do us part.
    The plan was to make enough rounds to generate a mile but the pax were saved by the bell.
    In the great white tent of the British bake contestants are always up against the clock and todays bake was no different.
    Goose and Pope went pretty deep into the man makers and got Dox Hollywood handshakes.

    Smooth gets Star Baker for gutting out a heavy run Q and I think we hit 2.5 “Okays”

    Announcements
    Invigor8 Grant FB live event tomm 7pm

    Link will be on groupme

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Bulletin Board Material:
    Jurptown USA has formally changed its name to SmugVille City led by Mayor Goose.
    They sit on a mountain of points and dare a challenger to come and take the trophy.
    Do not let them go gently into the night !

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates :

    Have you ever seen someone and just for a split second it wasnt how you usually see them. I know you are thinking “dox put the shrooms down “ but hear me out. Like in a crowded airport when you unexpectedly see a family member or as you pass a loved one in traffic. Sometimes just for a microsecond your brain sees them as any other stranger would. Then almost instantaneously your brain catches up and the recognition kicks in. And in that microsecond window of time you go from “complete unknown variable” to filling in all the experiences you have had with the subject in question. Then you have special moment of grace realizing the connection.
    Well this morning while rocketing down 308 behind the aforementioned cane truck I was too absorbed to realize I was already parallel with the stage. The opposite lane was full of another 2 cane trucks (Tis the season) and then suddenly cleared. There in the gloom were 7 men suspended in perfect jurp squat unison. Pushing past their own pain to help sharpen the one next to them. I’d never seen it like that , from the outside. It was glorious. For just that blink of time I didn’t know what it was. Then I smiled, pulled in and jumped into the fray, filled with gratitude for these high impact fellows.

    A privilege to lead men

    SYITG
    Dox