F3 New Orleans

Tag: Popeyes

  • Choose your Poi, Son! – from America’s Best

    Unbeknownst to many, YHC spent his small kid time in Hawaii… AB was just a barefoot Haole, speaking pidgin, surfing with an alien I thought was a dog, working as a private investigator, and flying around in T.C.’s helicopter. This beatdown was inspired by those days. . .

    The PAX rolled in, totaling a dozen by the time Dilly rolled on… so we began Warmarama… a bit of a pickle since we only had 10 coupons. But, like a glorious Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Paradox broke out of the circle, leapt out in to the gloom, and returned with a giant black stick that would have to suffice.

    Island 1: Hawai’i (The Big Island):

    Constantly in fear that a volcano was about to erupt, YHC’s early visits to this island were always a bit nightmarish. We pay tribute today to this childhood fear with Volcano by the late, some-say-great, Jimmy Buffet. Hold Al Gore. Burpee on “I don’t know.” Tuck jump on “Volcano.”

    Mom Jeans’ hatred of Jimmy Buffet during this segment was noted, catalogued, and will be weaponized in a future beatdown.

    Island 2: Maui – the Man, the Myth, the Island

    The trickster demigod was definitely present during this well-planned, expertly explained, and piss-poorly executed portion of your entertainment.
    The plan was a Kola (which is the closest phonetic match to Dora, since there is no “D” or “R” in the Hawaiian alphabet). Pair up, one partner is Maui, pushing up the sky (coupon presses) while the other is his brother, tricked into pulling up islands from the sea floor(moving coupons). Then Flapjack, and 2nd partner takes over the presses while partner 1 moves the coupon back to the start. The explanation was much longer, murkier, and nobody in the PAX was clear on whether they were Maui, his brother, or themselves, so everyone was moving islands all over the ocean.

    Admittedly, this part was half-baked at best. And so YHC went into full-on Dad/Tech Support mode (“Move!”) and just walked everyone through a new version: Walk backwards, with alternating sets of curls and goblet squats. A more well-planned Maui beatdown is guaranteed next time.

    Island 3: O’ahu… choose your Poi, son!

    One of my earliest memories was at a luau, learning about poi, a Hawaiian food staple. Hard to describe, it’s a fermented paste of pounded taro root. It’s like if yogurt and sweet potato had a baby. And then you ate out of that baby’s diaper.
    Anyway, you typically classify it based on consistency: “one-finger”, “two-finger”, or “three-finger”, based on how many fingers are required to scoop it up.
    So here, participants are asked to choose which poi they want. And like poi, with each added finger it gets more runny:
    1-finger poi: Roll die, do 7x that many burpees and WWII sit-ups, with murder bunnying and bear crawling (least runny/no running)
    2-finger poi: Roll die, do that many laps with 2x that number of blockees as buy-in for each lap
    3-finger poi: Run/nur until you find the Run-Cajun-Run sticker on a lamp post; then 3 burpees and run back (most runny)

    Without hesitation, Honeysuckle chose 3 and lead the other gazelles off into the unknown gloom.
    Seeming the most innocuous, 2-finger poi proved to be the most difficult. Those were the real tough guys. . .who didn’t do the math first.
    Enron and YHC were the only two bold enough to try the 1 finger poi, and were rewarded for our bravery by finishing first.

    Final Thang: The Ring of Fire
    The Ring of Fire is also a belt of volcanos surrounding the Pacific. So we did the typical Ring of Fire, but (Inner) “Circles” by Soul Coughing was played instead of the usual Johnny Cash song…
    About 2 minutes into the ‘roid rage, YHC offered to stop the thang if anyone could ID the artist… and decided to mention “this is a 10-minute song, by the way.”
    Only Popeye had even heard this song before. And so, a minute later, desperation set in, and Yankee Jeaux jumped up to check the phone and call out the artist to stop the torture.
    The song was over anyway. YJ cheated, but YHC lied.

    Pau.
    COT and Yankee Jeaux prayed us out.

    Something for my Llamas:
    Nobody knew why that song by the Animals was played this morning amongst the Hawaii-themed music. YHC’s favorite volcano is Haleakala… which is Hawaiian for “House of the (rising) Sun.”
    Another bit of trivia for you: The Hawaiian Islands were once called the Sandwich Islands, but the name was changed because it brought too much shame when Firehouse Subs was founded.

    Tanks for coming out, bruddahs. Always an honor to lead. Great seeing the consistency of White Meat (that sounds weird) and that Ponzi is posting again on the regular. And some guy named Wilford Montana made my day by showing up (sans coffee) to join us.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose

                Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
    YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
    A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
    First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
    After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.

  • The Circuit – from Safety Valve

    After Coyote’s inspiring Q on Saturday, YHC thought it was time to get the PAX back into the running game to kick off the last week of RCR.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Mountain climbers
    Imperial walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Arm circles forward and back
    Cherry pickers

    Thang
    Today was all about F1, none of this F3 stuff. If unfamiliar, F1 is the premier international sport racing event. Each team in F1 has two cars that race and a pit crew. Everyone is trying to win the race, but most teams have a single driver that is faster and a support driver that helps the faster driver win. Ultimately, it is a team sport. During our F1 circuit this morning we had 3 teams (one thruple) that would work together to try to win the race. The circuit consisted of several rounds of buy ins (pit stops) prior to completing a 1/3 mile run. The point is to complete the buy in/pit stop quickly in order to get more miles in.

    To make it interesting, once every 3 laps around, each team could tag another racer while on the circuit and that racer had to drop and do 5 burpees and be slowed down. Once every 3 laps, each team could also choose one racer to skip the buy in/pit stop and just keep running through to the next lap. Used wisely, these could change the outcome of the race.

    Formation lap – 1/3 mile run to get everyone familiar with the circuit

    Round 1
    Buy in – 5 burpees, 20 big boys, 20 merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 2
    Buy in – 10 jump squats, 20 LBCs, 20 hand release merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 3
    Buy in – 15 star jumps, 20 V ups, 20 shoulder tap merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 4
    Buy in – 5 burpees, 20 big boys, 20 merkins.

    1/3 mile run

    Round 5
    Buy in – 10 jump squats, 20 LBCs, 20 hand release merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 6
    Buy in – 15 star jumps, 20 V ups, 20 shoulder tap merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 7
    Buy in – 5 burpees, 20 big boys, 20 merkins.

    1/3 mile run

    Round 8
    Buy in – 10 jump squats, 20 LBCs, 20 hand release merkins

    1/3 mile run

    Round 9
    Buy in – 15 star jumps, 20 V ups, 20 shoulder tap merkins

    1/3 mile run

    This got us to 6:00 and Cot commenced. Animal was bestowed upon Tidy for his never give up attitude and the inVESTment was given to Pope for his running prowess. Announcements and intentions were lifted up. Dox prayed us out.

    Side note:
    F1 sucks. The other 2 Fs are definitely needed. Without building our faith and without the brotherhood, YHC would have stopped coming after the first posting. Grateful for all that this group has given- the time, the chatter, the support, the strength to push more than we think we can. Thanks for showing up. It’s always a pleasure to lead.

  • The Ohrwurm, Part 1 – from Yankee Joe

    PAX: Smooth Operator, Maneater, JackKnife, Paradox, Enron, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Safety Valve, Popeye, Ponzi, French Horn, Paradiddle, Yankee Jeaux

    ———————————
    How It Started

    Coming off of “It’s Only Just Maybe Somewhat Close to Nearly a Mile (allegedly)” this past Saturday (again, huge T-claps to Paradox!), YHC’s knees…well all the body parts, were on the struggle bus. It’s been a rough road lately, and YHC has missed more beatdowns in the past two months than ever before. It started to feel like I was drifting away from F3. History has shown that far greater pickleballers than I have gone down that dark path, never to return.

    You have to fight everyday to keep the fartshackles off.

    As such, YHC reluctantly limped out to the IOJMSCTNM event. As expected, the event destroyed my body. Unexpectedly, it reinvigorated my spirit and commitment to the PAX.

    It’s a paradox…well, no…actually, it’s ironic…unless of course, you weren’t expecting the contradiction in the first place, in which case, you’re a stupid smart oxymoron. Of course, if all you needed was a knife or it rained on your wedding day, then it’s NOT ironic…it just sucks to be you.

    The reality is that these struggles exist Around The World, but if you Never Say Never, remembering to always Give It Up (to God), you’ll be in high Cotton able to keep your PopEye on Jeaux.

    How is YHC so wise? Because, like Bieber, Jeaux IS the forever Q of your Kenna Brah hawt. Yo Ronnie!

    Soooo, for the first time in nearly a year, YHC will post 4 of 4 beatdowns this week, and I gotta tell you…it feels good, like honeysucklin’ good, like blast your French Horn from the top of the Ponzi pyramid good, like Valve Diddlin’ good.

    ————————————

    We got a good recovery Goosing on Monday, resting the legs, and lighting up the man boobs. Tuesday’s Dox/Ronnie DJ Deck of Death was just what the “Doctor” had ordered – recovery strength work accompanied by “good music.”

    For Thursday’s beatdown, YHC, still wary of his pulsating ITBS, looked to carry on the recovery, slowly re-introducing some running, but bringing in some more full body cardio. To do this, we needed inspiration in the form of catchy songs that would stick with you for daysssss, thus annoying all of your colleagues and family members alike.

    As America’s Best noted, this phenomenon is oft referred to as an “earworm.” Even more appropriate coming from AB is that the term was originally dubbed by German scientists (ohrwurm) to describe a few bars of music that get stuck in your brain. For those PAX who believe they are of German heritage, this might be of interest. Maybe you sent me pictures of your German genealogy certificates, maybe they were made at FedEx Kinkos. We’ll never know.

    —————————————–

    YHC rolled in slowly and deliberately at 5:13am, windows rolled down, Sirius (not the streaming radio service) blasting like it was Chicago, 1996. My inspiration for the dramatic entrance was of course drawn from various Paradox Q’s. I was excited to get his approval…unfortunately, he was late and didn’t see it. I can count on two fingers how many of his Q’s I’ve missed…and I’ve never once been late. Hey…friendships are just viewed differently in North Louisiana.

    As we got started, YHC was pumped to see Ponzi repping the ANIMAL, along with the Anthony Davis undershirt. Also, having the Maneater/Jackknife combo back in the mix only added much needed energy to the PAX.

    But as exciting as that all was, during warmarama, YHC still kept looking to his left. Assuming that my last eye check-up with AB had been grossly mishandled, I kept squinting in the gloom at a familiar figure. It couldn’t be. My brain could not reconcile the eyeworm residual of French Horn. Could it really be him? Sho’ nuff, as we later began our first run, I heard it. I heard the old but comforting greeting, “Bruhhhhhh.” It could be. It was. Horn had finally come home.

    ————————————
    How It Went

    Warm-up (5:15 – 5:25)

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Lafayette night clubs 15 ct
    Self love 15 ct
    High knees 15 ct
    Butt Kicks 15 ct
    Mountain climbers 14ct

    The morning would consist of four songs with trigger word exercises. Before each song, the PAX would run to the far side of the civic center, do 50 reps of a certain exercise, then complete the lap and do 50 more reps in front of the civic center. Each round would consist of different run exercises. (in total approx. 1.2 miles)

    There were too many earworm song candidates to choose from, so YHC settled on four showcase songs and a handful of running songs all carefully curated to worm their way into the PAX’s collective conscience. The trick was to have music at homebase in front of the civic center as well as on the run. YHC couldn’t (or wouldn’t) carry BAPS all over creation, so he connected BAPS to Bose (pr. Bozay) for a hopefully seamless transition of music between base and laps around the civic center.

    —————————————-

    The Earworm Pt. 1 (5:25 – 5:33)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: chilcutt jacks, x50 each stop
    – Song: Never Say Never by Justin Bieber (requested by Paradox)
    == Alternating shoulder taps throughout
    == Merkin on “never” or “forever” or “pick it up”

    *This was meant to be funny. It wasn’t. The assault on our ears and pecks was nasty. I think the PAX was confused and felt generally awkward. Paradox was in his element.

    ———————————————

    The Earworm Pt 2 (5:33 – 5:42)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: Flutters 4:1, x50 each stop
    – Song: Around The World by Daft Punk (requested in September by French Horn)
    == Jogging in place
    == Full body Drop downs to chest (similar to flying squirrels) on every Around The World.

    *If you’re not familiar, the only words in this song ARE ‘Around The World’. Safety Valve and Paradiddle literally looked bored, as if waiting for a real challenge. Meanwhile, YHC just started falling down, would get back up to his knees, then flop down again like a beached cod. This is the day the chatter died, and we weren’t singing S%#&.

    ——————————————-

    The Earworm Pt 3 (5:42 – 5:50)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: J-Lo’s, x50 each stop
    – Song: Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex (requested by America’s Best)
    == Man singing – bonnie blair’s
    == Banjo/Fiddle – hillbilly squats; leg thrust out to the side, thumbs in belt
    == Women singing – burpees

    *The Bonnie’s, following the song prior, were nearly impossible. There was confusion as to whether it was a woman singing or if Bieber is a lot older than we thought. Across the gloom, I could see a distinct and calculating smirk on Smooth’s face. A face that meant one thing…we’d see this in a Q coming soon to an AO near you.

    **In the misery, AB somehow found a way to correct YHC that the “banjo” solos were in fact fiddle solos. For crying out loud, what do you want from me? I’m a non-tenured instructor at a quasi bankrupt regional state university. Thibodaux is lucky I bother to put on pants each morning.

    ——————————————–

    The Earworm Pt 4 (5:50 – 5:57)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: LBC’s, x50 each stop
    – Song: Baby Give it Up by KC and The Sunshine Band, Ivan Jack remix (requested over and over again by Honeysuckle)
    == imperial squat walker
    == Squat jump on “baby give it up”

    *The crown jewel of YHC’s collection. The Ivan Jack remix is solid platinum bronzed pewter. The imperial squat walkers started to burn early on. The jump squats were hard to do with any semblance of rhythm, and the song just kept going and going and going. We just kept giving it up to the point we expected payment for our services.

    ————————————————

    We finished with two minutes of all AMRAP LBC’s to the gangnam stylings of PSY.

    COT, ANIMAL bestowed on Popeye. He “gets” Ponzi. Apparently some Southern Louisiana PAX view friendships in a more wholesome light. The VESTments were inVESTed in the muse of the Earworm beatdown, the Best of the Best. ‘Merica.

    Prayer intentions, including traveling PAX, Enron’s M, and Goose (and M) leading a marriage retreat in Wisconsin.

    Enron prayed us out.

    In the words of F3 Bieber, Never Say Never.

    Yankee Eye Jeaux

  • DJ DOD Volume 4: Greatest Hits – from Paradox

    “Shouldn’t they teach that in school?!”

    It’s the conversation you’ve all had with friends or family and many topics can go into the open blank.

    Taxes, tire changes, bonnie blair’s..you name it, there’s somethings we would all add to the formation of our youth. We can all see the value of teaching and learning everyday life skills at the peak age of brain elasticity and thats where my newest form of learning comes in. The ultra secret 3-man groupme trivia league?! No..sorry, I’ve sworn an oath not to discuss that publicly and some hearts just aren’t ready to talk about it. What I’m referring to is my degree from the streetz. For the last 2 years I’ve been auditing classes from Dr. Jeauxs FLEX MBA (major ballin assets). No classroom for this stuff, you just have to be in close proximity and absorb these little wisdom nuggets . This semester we have really been diving deep into some great discussions in SELF PROMOTION SYSTEMS 5000. As we’ve seen from French Horn TMZ videos and from his own monologues this man can flat out teach. I’ve learned two major rules of the road from his mastery during BEATDOWN FRANCHISES 800 this semester.

    #1 Standardized production. Like watching Dilly bomb a drive 225 every single swing, the customer craves to know that the product will be the same repeatable quality. Why is the line always 20 deep at canes. You know the sauce is waiting and the caniac hasn’t changed!

    #2 Brand Recognition. Let the customer take solace in knowing the product is there for them. When you see the McD’s arch you don’t think about processed chemicals, just the taste of awesome fries. And when you see the DJ/card dealer gifs hit the groupme at 9pm the back of the brain says there will be pain but other guy in the midbrain with the mullet says you should totes NOT miss brah!!

    So when YHC was determining a suitable theme for a Tuesday Tuff with multiple pax (yhc included) in the walking dead category it was only right to return to the GREATEST HITS. YHC dialed up Ronnie over at Bayou Lafource Studios (yo dis P..who dis?) and his schedule was wide open for a pitt boss gig. With increasing franchise success, we would use the professor’s rules to keep the production the same great quality you all know and love but sprinkle in a little “fan servicing” (heck, it works for Disney) with previous hits and limited running for joint preservation.

    DUKE! Get the cards, its DJ DOD VOLUME 4 !! Roll the beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC rolled in hot after a failed attempt at Pope pickup but just in time to give a disclaimer for a mystery FNG! We got in the usuals with a bumper mosey that was eerily quiet as pax waited to see if this was a precursor for more running. It was the only .25 we attempted.

    A round of 21s followed just to make sure YHC had the pax full attention and several infractions led to 10 OYO burpees.

    THA THANG

    FORMAT: DJ (songs w/ triggers) followed by DOD- Ronnie Picks the game (blackjack, battle, poker etc)

    If you ‘re keeping track at home the previous 3 installments were:

    DJ DOD
    DJ DOD Volume 2: She’s A Brick House
    DJ DOD Volume 3: Fat Tuesday Tuff

    YHC hand selected a tune from each for todays Greatest Hits montage, mostly the ones that elicited the highest mix of grumbling and muscle growth.

    Round 1:
    Hey Ya- OutKast
    Coupons Side Shuffles on song with thrusters on Hey (down) Ya (up)
    This was a heater early but you know the Ole baseball trick, First pitch is always an inside the plate fastball to give the catcher some space to operate.

    DOD: High Card- Derkins, Chuck Norris Merkins, Freak Nastys (dips)

    I’d like to issue a formal apology for Valve and Jeaux who were the only attendees to survive this unlucky draw AND Gooses 70,000 merkin beatdown on Monday. T-claps.

    Round 2:
    Whip and Nae Nae from Silento
    Hold plank on song
    Merkins on Whip
    Side Reach on Nae Nae
    Leg raise on Stanky Leg
    MC on Break Yo leg
    **Editors Note- Need an exercise for “Bop”

    DOD: LBCs, Carolina Dry Docks, Bulgarian Split Squats

    Round 3
    “Ring of Fire” Johnny Cash
    Bearcrawls around Picnic table- Merkins on Fire
    Reports from Ponzi post beatdown of a lifelong cure of hemorrhoids just by realizing the true meaning of the song.

    DOD black jack: Leg Raises, Bonnie Blairs

    Round 4- a “bonus track” on the greatest hits album to make sure they come back hungry

    Destinys Child “Say My Name”
    Coupon High Knees- Coupon Curls on “Name”

    Wrap up with a traditional DJ DOD burnout song
    Calvin Harris – Too Close
    Freddy Mercuries till 6 am

    Counting, Naming and…AN FNG

    Our mystery FNG revealed himself as the cousin of NOLA’s Reluctant Yankee
    He was part of the amazing hosting team for the IOAM and came to see what the fuss was about.
    With great deliberation we landed on a combination of his address and hobbies with …WHITE MEAT
    Welcome man, Solid work and looking forward to seeing your progress out here.

    Prayer with solid Intentions as we continue through Lent with many ill and traveling.

    Thank you all for participating in the latest edition of DJ DOD, like any great temporary product (I see you McRib), it will return… when you least expect it but when you need it the most.

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Ease the Knees, Flex the Pecs – from Goose

    Having tweaked the spine somethin’ fierce last week, YHC is pretty much limited to merkins, and a few arm movements, which was conveniently similar to the PAX who ran in It’s Only A Mile on Saturday. So, YHC decided not to relinquish the Q, but offer a clinic in stretching while also completely burning out the one muscle group least used on Saturday. It was time to loosen the legs and challenge the chest; ease the knees and flex the pecs; salve the calves and test the breasts. Know’m sayin’.

    Warmup: Imperial Walkers (cuz that’s all YHC could handle, and we’d be stretching the legs nicely for the rest of the beatdown), AC both ways x20, Cherry Pickers x15, Lafayette Night Clubs x15, and Self-Love x20 to get the upper body nice and loose. It wouldn’t be enough.

    The Thang for the duration of the workout would be a Tabata style, AMRAP/stretch routine consting of 30 seconds of stretching (x2 of each) followed by 30 seconds of a given merkin variety AMRAP. If the stretch was one leg at a time, or one arm at a time, we’d alternate two types of merkins since there would be four rounds of merkins altogether for that one stretch (each limb needing to be stretched twice, you see).

    It went like this (all x2):

    -Feet together, touch toes; regular merkins
    -Quad stretch; Werkins and Diamond merkins
    -Calf stretch on the curb; staggered merkins w/one hand up on the curb (2 L, 2R)
    -Butterfly groin stretch; Ranger Merkins
    -Butt/IT stretch (laying down, pull knee to opposite shoulder); Hand-release merkins and Shoulder-tap merkins
    -Ab stretch (on elbows, up like a cobra); Peter Parker Merkins
    -Tricep stretch (against a post); Irkins and Derkins on the Stage wall
    -Chest stretch (between posts); Carolina Dry Docks

    The stretches were deeply welcomed by all, but the merkins quickly became something to be dreaded as the timer ticked loudly toward another round, and chatter was at a minimum. By the time the Derkins were upon us, the bird poop on our resting faces didn’t seem so bad. And, the Carolina Dry Docks had YHC thinking we need to EH a dentist soon if we’re gonna keep declining on dead arms.

    YHC was impressed by Popeye and Yankee Joe posting after such a grueling feat of endurance on Saturday (Pope, too, but he didn’t really have a choice). And, it was great to have Safety Valve with us again–nobody quite matches the smiling-while-complaining wit of our very own 16-year-old surgeon.

    We never left the stage area, and we never ran, but we heated up nicely in the cold weather, and the fire that burned in our chests warmed the cockles of our innerds as we circled up, grateful for another fulfilling experience of shared suffering. COT and YJ prayed us out

    N.B. The neighborhood has been given yet another reason to put forth (almost) 0 FNG’s during YHC’s tenure here–the tricep stretch had us leaning against various posts on the stage like a 90’s boy band right before walking over to the half wall for some manly irkins. They don’t know what they’re missing.

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox

  • Fat Tuesday Tuff- Volume 2: Texaco Cat has Unfinished Business – from Paradox

    “What is a Mardi Gras?” YHC asked. Standing in the playground of Homer Elementary , YHC was at that tender age of naivety when it seems coaches have all the answers to life’s questions. My PE coach cinched up his grey Riddell shorts (you know the ones) around a considerable beer gut and confidently informed me:

    “ Yea Owens, well it’s pretty much a bunch of idiots get drunk and dress up like fools with their friends then give up bread or something ….why don’t you go cover first base and maybe ask your parents”

    9 year old YHC trotted out to first base safely tucking Mardi Gras into my “Bobby Bouche: Things That are the Devil” folder, right beside football, MTV and any activities after 8pm.
    Thankfully it didn’t stay tucked away for long as God put YHC on a path towards south La and I would soon be in a free men’s workout group where the chatter de jour was usually “how to say pirogue” or “whether potato salad and gumbo should ever touch each other”. It’s one of the many fine attributes of this thing we call F3, somedays my virgin ears hear Depeche Mode and can never regain innocence and others days if I’m the lucky downwind pax, I get a fartlek taste in the air of last night’s Cajun cuisine. So, todays beatdown would be a wild hodge-podge of Mardi Gras learned, observed and practiced from a North La transplant.

    LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the court case filed as Mr. Ronnie Lillickk vs the Pax of F3 Thibodaux the ruling of the jury was that YHCs north La version of Mardi Gras does not represent all North La transplants. Furthermore, there are many fine intelligent people form this part of the state.

    Duke! I know you are the King of Barkus this year but you still have to roll the beautiful footage!!

    Warmup
    YHC moseyed in from deep Richman territory adorned in only the finest cheap plastic gadgetry that Houma CVS could offer. Running right into a welcome sight of none other than Tidy Whitey!! He got a few highlighter stick pops as penance for 500 plus missed beatdowns but was welcomed back with much hoopla and praise! With 8 more pax ready to roll we got down to business with the usuals as YHCs outfit could not withstand even a few SSHs, one hates to see it. A bumper/stop sign mosey was in order to get the legs pumping and begin racking up some RCR miles.

    THANG 1
    Mardi Gras Mambo –The Meters

    Traditional F3 Thibodaux style with Merkins on Mambo and Donkey Kicks on “Down in New Orleans”. This song goes down in F3 Thib lore. In its debut the line “it takes a cool cat to blow a horn” was translated (by YHCS caffeine riddled brain) into “Texaco Cat blows a horn” and the legend of Texaco Cat still lives on . YHC has always imagined Texaco Cat as a north La gas station attendant that’s strong as an ox, knows his rights and has a bumper sticker on his hemi Dodge Ram that says “kids who fish and hunt don’t steal and deal”.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that proper form would be observed and rewarded. Yankee Jeaux was locked in early and often in this beatdown and took the merkin form title easily. He was then granted the Tutu of Power and the Flashing Stick of Trust to lead us as the Grand Merkin Marshal in an Indian Run Parade with 3 drop off LBCs ( ya gotta find dat baby in da king cake shah! Piyyyyahhhh)

    Onward to the beginning of Richmans loop for “Throw me something Mister”, originating from a younger ignorant YHC speculating that maybe all those cajuns are just angrily throwing stuff around because they got all them teeth and no teethbrush (ok I’ve reached my second Waterboy reference and I promise that’s it)

    PAX partnered up with a goal of transporting both pax and 1 tennis ball to the far corner of RL. Mode of transport was mosey then catch a “throw” from your partner. Rinse and repeat with 3 “Hi 5” burpee penalty for a drop. Ended up in a two horse race with Goose/Cuz vs YJ/AB enjoying a reduced burpee penalty at the finish line. The rest of the us enjoying a 10 burpee appetizer.

    THANG 2

    Next up Mardi Gras Trivia to represent YHCs schooling years when I began to figure out the Rubiks cube holiday of mardi gras and Lent.

    Correct Answer- run/nur 1/2 road to port a jeaux
    Incorrect – run /nur full road to cones and back

    1-Name all three states in which Fat Tuesday is recognized as a State Holiday.
    ANSWER: LA, AL, FL- With a little prodding we got this correct.

    **LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the case of Mr./Future Dr. Maught vs the people of Florida the jury has come to a decision that he was in fact “not raised here” but does at times display Floridian characteristics and is able to leverage their politicians for social media clout.

    2-Carnival comes from the Latin phrase Carne Vale meaning what?
    ANSWER: Farewell to Meat – YHC was feeling gracious after those penalty burpees and helped a bit on this one.

    3- This on screen Batman served as King Bachus?
    Michael Keaton was correct with a surprising lack of controversy that Michael Keaton was the GOAT on screen Batman. YHC was ready for a good ole donnybrook if anyone said the word Clooney.

    4- New Orleans cancelled Mardi Gras parades in 1870 due to an outbreak of this disease?
    ANSWER: Yellow fever – Correct and a very safe guess for any illness before the 20th century.

    5- Krewe of Zulu tosses what coveted Mardi Gras trinket during the parade each year?
    “Coconut” was immediately given as an answer then contested that this was incomplete and YHCs brief internet research led him to believe it was only GOLD coconuts. YHC will now award post beatdown points that this was acceptable and letters of condolence have been sent to all who ran that extra eighth of a mile.

    THANG 3

    Only in the last 3 years has YHC come to fully appreciate Mardi Gras as part of the yearly feast before we begin our Lenten fasting. After some exicon research YHC found the Cooper to be a great representation of contrasted feast/fast with some potential RCR mileage sprinkled in .
    The (mini and abbreviated ) Cooper
    *editors note- a full Cooper is 10 merkins, squats, burpees with a quarter mile run in between each round
    Fast- Run 1/4 Mile (alley/straight away/alley and back )
    Feast – 7merkins , 7burpees, 7 squats

    The crew got about 3 rounds into this before YHC realized we were a touch behind schedule and called an Omaha at the line. We finished the 5 rep and 3 rep rounds at the corners of the loop then sprinted for home.

    Counting, naming and welcoming the prodigal Tighty Whitey return!

    InVESTment given to Cuz for his willingness to wear a hat and play the part of “that guy at the parade that bases his whole life on defending Bud Light”.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out

    Grateful to show up each day and improve the mind , body, and spirit with you fellas.

    See you in the Gloom

    Paradox

  • Bountiful – from Goose

    YHC purposely avoided posting any hype last night given the pattern of Monday Q’s that have resulted in slim pickin’s at The Stage. And, though the numbers were still low (correlation is not necessarily causation!), the two PAX who showed (besides Pope) were of the highest quality. Cardinal fell for the trap (he thought YJ was Q-ing) and Wet Tap ain’t skerred. So, though the numbers weren’t bountiful, the beatdown would be.

    After a warmup of the usuals and a bumper, stop sign mosey, YHC revealed the cardboard with a list of exercises written hastily scrawled upon it. Inspiration came from Enron’s recent, epic Q that brought a full-body exercise combined with mucho miles. This time, though, instead of 30 reps of each exercise, we’d do 40, and instead of the alphabet, the exercises’ first letters spelled out “BOUNTIFUL GRACES”, and instead of a 1/8 mile lap, we ran the 1/4 mile bumper/stop sign/stage lap after each exercise.

    Bose’ started cranking the tunage, and it was every man for himself, though high-fives and encouraging grunts were given and received in abundance as we passed one another on the road. Pope stayed either just behind or just ahead of YHC, like a two-year-old puppy running circles around an older, stiffer, heavier, out-of-breath dog. (I swear, he bounces down the road like his legs are made of rubber. Very light rubber.)

    Here’s the exercise list–40 reps apiece:
    BBSU
    Overhead press (no coupon)
    Uh-no’s (just Ono’s–couldn’t find a better U exercise that Enron hadn’t already used)
    No-cheat Merkins
    Tricep Dips
    Imperial Walkers (2:1)
    Freddy’s (2:1)
    Upside Down Angels (Australian Sweat Angels)
    Lunges (1:1)
    Groiners (oof)
    Russian Twists (aka American Hammers) (2:1)
    American Hammers (aka Russian Twists) (2:1)
    Crab Cakes (2:1)
    Ex-wings (1:1)
    Squats

    YHC and Pope only got through R, and Tap and Card weren’t far behind. So, we worked dem muscles and logged about 3 miles apiece (thankfully, we were 3:1 Thibby to JV).
    The Bountiful Graces theme came from a revelation (or reminder) last night that God doesn’t usually take away the things that are going wrong, that cause us pain and unjust expense of energy, but if we can entrust those to him and stop being so focused on how unjust it all is, there are bountiful graces to be received. There are truly beautiful gifts to be received if we let go of how things should be. And, that’s the mindset that makes F3 work so well. Yeah, it brings with it way more pain and unjust expense of energy than anyone should have to shell out at 5:15 in the morning, but the graces are obviously bountiful; no one can argue with that. And, the more we let go of how things ought to be, the more we can rejoice in them!

    Announcements and excitement building for Saturday’s “It’s only just a little old mile”. COT and Tap prayed us out. Huge respect and appreciation for these dudes!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Alphabet Marathon – from Enron

    In preparation for this morning’s beatdown, YHC had the task of coming up with something that would incorporate enough running to be effective for Run Cajun Run milage, as well as keep the PAX’s minds off previously mentioned running. A few months back an idea to go through the alphabet with various exercises had arisen and YHC thought this might be the perfect opportunity to put it in place.

    10 strong staggered in on a chilly morning at the Stage only to be greeted by a couple children’s drawing books laid out on the concrete. On those two books were the letters of the alphabet with corresponding exercises written on them. Naturally, that sparked a little bit of chatter only to be stopped by circling up that PAX to start the warmup.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, WM, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, Self-Love, IW
    The 1 and Only Thang:
    The Alphabet Marathon

    Attention was drawn to the drawing boards where the letters of the alphabet were written, next to each letter was a corresponding exercise. The instructions were to perform 30 of each exercise (30 seconds of some), then run a lap around the stage after each letter’s exercise was complete. The lap is .12 miles, meaning that if the entire alphabet was completed, that PAX would have run 3.12 miles.
    The letters and exercises were as follows:
    A- American Hammers
    B- Big Boy Sit Ups – This was a last-minute decision to scratch burpees off the list. A gracious Q indeed.
    C- Coupon Curls
    D- Dips
    E- Elbow Plank (30 seconds)
    F- Flutter Kicks (2=1)
    G- Gore (Al) (30 seconds)
    H- Humpers (Monkey)
    I- Imperial Walkers
    J- J-Lo’s
    K- Kettlebell Swings
    L- Lunges 1=1
    M- Merkins
    N- No’s(Oh) – Somehow almost forgot this letter
    O- Overhead Press
    P- Pickle Pounders
    Q- Q’s Choice – This ended up being LBCs
    R- Reverse Crunches
    S- Side Straddle Hops
    T- Toy Soldiers
    U- Up Straddle Hops – A 1 legged Side Straddle hop which made for an interesting sight
    V- V-Ups
    W- World War 1 Sit ups
    X- X-Wings
    Y- Yul Brynner’s
    Z- Zombie Crunches

    Prior to this morning, YHCs belief was that none of the PAX would be close to completion of the alphabet. This assumption was incorrect as Goose, Pope, and Honeysuckle, were very close to completion with only the letter Z left to complete when “recover” was called. Also, there were many other of the group that were very close behind. This may be one that has a redo to see where progress is made.
    Great work by all this morning. The variation was enjoyed and the milage still abundant. Always great to continue to push ourselves with this crew.
    Announcements and the inVESTment was passed from Honeysuckle to Goose
    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Enron