F3 New Orleans

Tag: Pope XL Pipelayer

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    YHC recently finished “Into Thin Air” by John Krakauer, a first hand account of a tragic Everest expedition in 1996. It turned disastrous after a freak storm hit the summit during the only window multiple competing teams had to make it to the top. A great read if you want a deep dive into the world of high summit climbing and especially if you really, really never want to even consider strapping on a pair of crampons.

    But it got my wheels turning about bucket list items and the wild ambitions a man can find on this planet. (There’s a beatdown coming here later but just sit tight with your hookahs for a moment.)

    Ya see, There have been short periods of time when YHC had his own aspirations as a mountain climber. First in my early 20s and then I left a rock climbing gym with a hernia. The staff said “first time climbers” shouldnt recreate Tom Cruise mission impossible stunts but what do they know.
    Undeterred, a few years later I headed up a mountain in Breckinridge, CO (brek brah) during a med school trip and was met with acute altitude sickness. It will shock none of our local pax to hear that my body shuts down if I leave the state lines or an altitude of 100 feet. Those trips to the oxygen bar did have a silver lining as I found out my future M would leave her friends and nurse a redneck bafoon to health.
    Now in a real pickle, I had met both physical and even genetic barriers to my climbing goals . But nonetheless my 7th grade bucket list item remained.! Mrs Smith, our English/creative writing teacher (who planted the seeds of back blasting 101), had instructed us that no item was too far fetched to put on our list. So right there sandwiched between “Ironman triathlon “ and “learn English” was “climb or visit the 7 summits”. But here I was, like a 5:02am YJ bowel movement , stuck between a rock and a hard place as time ran out. The opportunities flushing fast and the midlife crisis impending as YHC saw his 7th grade dreams replaced by watching men in verbal altercations about the glory of a hand jive. Was my musical life just a sing-along this whole time??

    Panic stricken, I made a plan…

    I wouldn’t climb them free and solo. (Been there , done that, have the scars)

    WE would climb them.

    And we would climb them ALL in a 45 min free men’s workout.

    Duke!! Put down that FMLA paperwork!
    We are back to blasting !!
    Roll the beautiful mountain bean footage!!

    YHC rolled in a 1/2 minute late to a Lions Den boiling over with pax. Safety Valve continues to make up for a lifetime of missed SSH and provided a prompt courtesy warmup for the men. Fighting shadow GroupMe Q stealers and cumbersome garage coupons this beatdown theme was already heating up as a true uphill battle for YHC. We hit the usuals with continued slow high knee pax not maximizing their zone 2 cardio and our Lake Charles brothers wondering if the cadence here in Thibodaux is done in synchronized ear buds.

    YHC gave the pax a little warmup mosey while slipping in hints to the big Thang.
    7 nation Army was a nod to the 7 summits and the only riff I could try to learn on a guitar to looked cool in 2005.

    Next up YHC needed to sell the allure of the mountains. We had “ Big rock candy mountain “ by Harry McClintock and he’s a fine salesman, ensuring us there would be no rain, wind or bull dogs with real teeth.
    A perfectly weird tune that we performed MCs, plank jacks and coupon merkins to.

    These young sherpax also required belay certification. YHC obliged by splitting them into two teams and utilizing a standard issue Mardi Gras football for each team that needed to be transported around the civic center. They needed to spread out in a chain and throw the ball one man at a time. With a drop equaling 3 burpees. And continuous squats for any stationary pax. Most of the pax atleast feined understanding and this mini thang proceeded to reach 7.2 on the Maui Scale. Drone reports later cited early high altitude cerebral edema that lead to the opposing team thinking the 3 burpees happen everytime they threw their kloot. YHC sent the chopper 6 rescue for rendezvous back at base camp and the whole thing had to filed under “belayed gratification”.

    All that was left was Altitude Training so we headed to Lafourche Parishs highest point to complete 10 burpees then it was go time:

    Mount Thang a Lang

    How it should work: Team sends 1 man up the mountain to do reps up top while all alternate between 3 exercises (7-7-7) , rinse and repeat till entire team has competed.
    Winner has all team mates back and in plank

    7 rounds for the 7 highest summits on each continent(some modified for time)

    Authors Note
    ***
    There are almost as many geography schisms as Thibodaux sandwich schisms and it seems fiercely debated which of the seven summits are the “true seven”. This bd will reference the area of Oceani (Australia plus New Zealand plus Indonesia) and the concensuus across trivia books seems to be the below:

    1- OCEANIA

    Puncak Jaya (16k ft)
    what country?
    (Indonesia)
    Merkins – plank jacks -squats

    We started at a modest 16000 feet and this one may have been the toughest trivia across the board. YHCs Jawa is a little rough around the edges, compounded by wind and N. Canal traffic most of the pax thought I had sneezed and were still waiting on a question when we started burpees.

    Team 1 took a decisive victory with a shocking decision to put Maneater as the sprint finisher and Jennayyy I tell ya..this man just felt like running. It took a year or two but we finally found Maneaters trigger….NEVER Disrespect Olivia Newton John or he will run you into the ground. White Meat could not be reached for comment and we left his body and a copy of Big Lebowski for the natives on Puncak Jaya.

    2- ANTARCTICA
    Mount Vinson Massif (16)

    Penguins – Leg Raise – WW3 sit-ups

    Goosie got this one correct after heavy penguin hints.
    Team 1 had found there best horse and Maneater was again putting pure greased lightning.

    3- EUROPE
    Mount Elbrus (18k ft)
    ***Skipped for time but I think we did burpees for the trivia.

    4- AFRICA
    Mt Kilimanjaro (20k ft)
    (Easiest to climb)
    Coupon jumps, Donkey kicks, tin soldiers

    YHC meant to serenade the pax with Toto’s masterpiece here bit if you start to play it in your head now it will reach peak chorus when you finish this blast.

    5- NORTH MERKINA
    Denali (22k ft)
    Merkins- wide, regular, diamond

    All Merkins because nothing says USA like naming your most majestic gas guzzling SUV after your politically controversial named and renamed mountain.

    6- SOUTH AMERICA
    Acongua (27k ft)
    27 Monkey Humpers
    -Just seemed right

    Finisher….

    7- ASIA
    Everest (29)
    “I’m on top of the World”

    On top of having some great bd songs this band also gives you the chance to always end a tough conversation with the upper hand by saying “imagine those dragons” and then walking away. (Reader discretion advised, not for domestic use)

    We did Coupon Al Gore and Thrusters on “World”

    We finished with continuous thrusters and all legs met jello criteria.

    Back to the flag for supplemental oxygen, counting, naming and also we learned XL is actually Excel so we didn’t have anymore questions about mysterious t-shirt sizes and some mumbled comments about google sheets being superior.

    Announcements were mostly replaced by ways to let YJ know his Manniversary was a hoax or turn it into a “9th green at 9 “”situation. Backblast pending?

    Prayers and intentions for many in our regions and beyond.

    Thanks for climbing with me Pax

    I hope that in this Lenten season of lessened distractions God makes our own mountains more clear and that we have the faith to climb with what he has provided.

    Can you imagine those dragons?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • 2/27/25 Planet Fitness Death March – from Smooth Operator

    2/27/25 Planet Fitness Death March
    XL
    Pipelayer
    Pope
    Goose
    Safet Valve
    Lil Cuz
    ManEater
    Americas Best
    Yankee Joe

    Nothing like a lil death march to get us into the month of March, and an end to Run Cajun Run by doing a little pole to pole shuffling.
    YHC showed up a little later than normal from a night shift due to late morning shift change. Goose had already started his warm-up lap and Pope and Maneater were discussing ways to save Pope’s generation from world-wide catastrophes like man eating lion’s and tigers and dead eyed corporation gym members and such.  
    As others showed up, one individual stood out. He did not know it, but Lil Cuz was instrumental in the creation of this beatdown. He once told me of a gym where “normal” people could go and walk on tread mills and do exercise machines and other foreign “equipment” without fear of being intimidated by individuals who grunted a little too much or occasionally dropped a heavy object or two. He even said there was a buzzer type light that was in place to shame these Neanderthalic clumsy individuals. And as I stored this seemingly useless but hilarious information into my hard drive, YHC vowed to use this information for the good of humanity.  

    Warmarama  
    As we huddled around the handicap sign due to a lack of lion statue that YHC will never get over. 0515 hit and YHC and Pope ran to the flag to begin Side straddle hops while others filtered in from the sign using the non-orderly fashion method. After this warmarama went as normal with YHC forgetting his numbers occasionally.

    Exercises were:
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Tie Fighters both front and back  

    Thang 1  
    Planet Fitness Death March

    Thang 1 began with what seemed to be the start of some Canal street burpees, but YHC kept moseying into the abyss located between Live Mais and I’m Loving It. The PAX continued to the TJ Maxx end of Plaza Del Rienzi Shopping Center, and we stopped for YHC to explain the rules for our little there and back again march. The rules are as follows: Each skinny post the PAX will complete 2 goosees, thank you Goose for the demonstration. Each fat post will be 10 merkins and the PAX will bear crawl to the next post. For each 90 degrees turn in our alley way the Pax will complete 10 burpees. Mode of transport would be a mosey Ish sprint. At this point the PAX moseyed to the far end of our brightly lit alley way. We stopped near Bourgeois Insurance Shop and as the PAX attempted to ask further question YHC gave the ready set go and off the PAX went. YHC learned quickly that the PAX is up for any challenge. They started out the gate moving fast and never let up even when we reached the Planet Fitness area where we received a couple dead eyed stares and even probably got posted on Snapchat by one of the employees. You could have sworn that the PAX had painted red hands on their shorts and were carrying protest signs by the looks we received. The PAX kept at it and finished long before YHC expected. When Valve came to pick up the 6 (ME) he was adamant he would not be going back to our starting point near Bourgeois Insurance. Therefore, YHC decided in a bout of leniency to do a Rapid-Fire Death March. The Rules are the same except there would be no bear crawling and all number of reps would be 1. The PAX completed this in record time and before you know it, the PAX was on the move again in the direction of Small’s parking lot.

    Thang 2  
    Making it up as YHC goes

    We reached Small’s and YHC decided it was time for what everyone was there for anal street burpees. We did a couple and AB (the voice of reason) decided that tiny asphalt rocks and glass was not the place to be burpee ing. It seems like this wasn’t AB cup of frothy coffee, therefore the PAX headed back to the flag with 12 minutes to go. As we reached the flag YHC decided we would do a couple rounds of Mary. It started with a plead to move to concrete instead of the wet grass which YHC graciously approved. The round of Mary started with WWI sit ups, followed by Goose’s crunchy frogs, and the Yankee Joe’s Scissor maneuver. At this point we had approximately 10 minutes to go and YHC decided abs were not the way to go to kill time. The PAX took a lap around the civic center and ended up waiting on the 6 (YHC). With approximately 7 minutes to go, YHC decided that clearly running was not the way to go. The stair seemed to call out to the PAX as YHC rounded the front of the Warren Harang Municipal building. The Pax lined up and we went up and down 3 or 4 times which seemed to be the best work to rest ratio and as 0559 approached the PAX hit the ground for a minute of merkins or high plank holds until the St. Joseph co Cathedral bells started ringing signifying 0600.

    The PAX circled up around the flags and counted off. Announcements revealed Paradox got JBL charging and a whole hour of questionable music picked out for Saturday’s beatdown. Show up if you can. There will also be a board meeting at some point to further strengthen the inner circles. Prayers were for the ACTs retreat coming up and prayers for Yote’s continued treatment. Yankee Joe then prayed us out. Thanks for letting me lead and not removing my Q card upon completion.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

    P.S.
    AS YHC crafted this beatdown in the parking lot of Tiger Rock Martial Arts (gym?). I thought this beatdown would force the PAX to throw a lot of weight on the ground and hopefully ring the Planet Fitness buzzer a couple times. But on the way to the beatdown, listening to the Exodus 90 scripture reading and reflection a section struck me. It reads, The Psalmist prays: “Moses, God’s chosen one, stood in the breach before him, to turn away his wrath from destroying them” (Psalm 106:23). The Lord calls each of us to do the same for those God has given us to love and lead, to stand in the breach, to be willing to suffer for them, and to call down the Lord’s mercy on them. Today weather the Planet Fitness members knew it or not, The PAX stood in the breach, suffered for them and through suffering hopefully called down the Lord’s mercy on them.  

    P.P.S
    Dumbledore Come Home