F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Luck of the Pax – from Paradox

    7:05am March 16
    Nicholls University Campus Police Blotter

    Early calls from the freshmen dorms reporting a group of middle aged vandals loitering around the soccer fields and hollering “do your burpees” at each other . Several shirtless. Smells like Mountain Dew. Others with matching insignias and new member initiates forced into green mullets. Clear gang affiliates. The tall one responding to honks seems to be the gang leader. And looks like the goalie is the enforcer, clearly he’s done some time but gosh he looks familiar. Like I just saw him teaching supply chains familiar…weird
    .Student Officers in bound…Tasers on the ready…

    …40 minutes earlier

    Peltier Park Tennis Courts

    **YHC and Gecko putting out cones in a beautiful gloom at the tennis court, walking though the game plan and contingencies.

    YHC: “Chillier than I expected , did you bring your gloves bud ?”

    Gecko (looking at the blueprint):
    “I think I might get warm when we do burpees , if not we should just run more.”

    YHC : (silence) *A single tear of pride rolls down one cheek. “You’re right buddy, you’re so right..**adds more burpees to notes section **
    Let’s go find some bully boys! “

    Duke!!
    those beans are not magically delicious!
    Roll that beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC and Gecko rolled in from setup to unveil the newest F3 Thib Logo shovel flag to 13 other Pax ready to roll.

    Wet Tap has been working overtime in the studio to crank out a high quality shovel/pole setup and we finally put the components together for a world premiere. It was glorious.
    Will be a great addition to rep our crew at major gatherings.

    ParO’dox McBurpee and GeckOCallahan took care of the rest of warmup with the usuals.
    Some pax commented the Irish accent had declined with a whole year to improve and these pax were politely asked to write their local representatives with further complaints.

    Proper Irishmen Run

    Drop off man does 3 Bonnie Blair’s on our way to Tennis Court.

    At Tennis Court :

    Irish Trivia Opener

    AB, our most Irish heritaged Pax, lended YHC a beatdown consult with the below trivia opener.

    YHC tried to give this nugget of info but the caffeine and nerves sometimes make me delete entire words . It came out “yours Truly Americas Best made these trivia “
    Not accurate but I think “yours Truly , Americas Best” has NYT bestseller potential.

    I’ll wait on my royalties check.

    The Questions :

    1.) Contrary to urban legends (possibly meant to deter tourists from fully experiencing the attraction), local teenagers and drunkards do not pee on this Irish landmark.
    Answer: The Blarney Stoney

    Goose picked this one up immediately and YHC Introduced the Blarney Stone…

    We would roll a large dice with 6 options
    1: Trivia
    2: Trivia
    3: Burpees
    4; Merkins
    5: BBSU
    6 Bonnie Blair’s

    We did assorted rounds of the above with 10 reps each and the below trivia mixed in . 10 merkins correct , 10 burpees in correct

    2.0 question for the next generation of Llamas:

    What’s the tagline for the cereal Lucky Charms?
    -“they’re magically delicious “

    **FNG (soon to be named Daryl Starwberry) took care of this one! Strong Work

    According to legend what is a Leprechsuns occupation?
    -shoemaker

    What meat and vegetable dish is trademarked as the St Patrick’s Day meal.
    -corned beef and cabbage

    *late edition asked post beatdown

    This common term defines something “broken into many pieces”
    It comes from the Irish word, “Smidrini “

    Smithereens !

    Next was a clover Dora to honor the Prayer of St Patrick a
    D work the quads into Smithereens!

    In this prayer St Patrick asks God to remind him of his presence during all things.
    (Excerpt below)

    “Christ on my right, Christ on my left, 
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, 
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me”

    So we would honor this with a Dora with multiple exercise positions .

    Partnered up for :
    100 Apollo Ohno (1:1) Lunge walk
    200 Heels To Heaven – Nur
    300 SSH- Mosey

    YHC cut this a bit short so we would have time for some proper Irish competition

    The Grand Finale

    F3 Gaelic football

    Rules
    -goals scored by kicking the ball in , this can be accomplished by kicking the ball from the ground or dropping the ball from your hands to feet.

    – You can only take 4 steps then must pass advance the ball by throwing or kicking BUT every time you pass you must pay in burpees kick (1 burp) or throw (3 burp)
    – after score opposite team inbounds the ball

    To be honest this was one of those F3 games that YHC thought could either be fun or turn into a raging chaotic lava dumpster of epic proportions (like a Maui thang but with a soccer ball if you need a visual)
    But with the pax help on some minor tweaks (shout out to YJ for the “only kick goals in ” idea and Goose for switching us to shirts/skins) we settled in for a fiercely competitive yet tremendously fun game of Gaelic foosball.
    One of YhCs many favorite things about F3 is watching Pax of all ages switch into their respective competitive modes…it’s pure magic.

    Tough to describe but A few examples may suffice.

    Goose turned into a field general seeing every angle of competitive advantage. Lox turned shimmering golden and started calling his quads “Goku” and “Gohan”. Dilly had eyes every where, seeing passes with Lebron like court vision and flexing lightning fast twitch pickle ball calves. YJ turned back the clock 20 years diving on saves, you can replace those joints later my friend . Valve was basically imported straight from Real Madrid and kept saying “Olayyy” and doing knee slides . Captain D’s transformed into Captain Defense locking up the opponents top talents. Ronnie’s eagle vision noted pax rule infractions from 100 yards away as he led a legion of 2.0 goalies. Suckle was simply every where , in every play floating butterfly like on defense, only out done by his offensive sting! Pope did athletic Pope things that only a Sports Science episode could break down. Smooth broke the all time Gaelic football assist record despite previously asserting he would only participate in American football.
    The 2.0s scrapped about biting ankles and popping up from falls that would put their Dads in the stretcher.
    No clue where we ended on the scorecard , yHC just knows he was ready to announce we were going to play till the street lights went out and our wives came looking for us but alas 7:30a came too soon.

    A mosey back to the Flags (plural!) and some Mary to wrap a bow on it.

    Announcements:

    Getting rolling with some Brothers Keeper work.

    Check GroupMe for updates and marathon commitments/decommitments.

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Welcome Daryl Strawberry !!
    (Genius name)

    It’s a privilege to lead you men.

    Epilogue

    University Police
    7:25 am

    The officer walked back to his car slowly as he reported his findings to his superior on the radio.

    “No arrest , not even a ticket to show! “

    His hands were raised in disbelief.

    “I don’t get it. The reports were clear. No vandals, no gangs, no lewd behavior…heck not even a mid life crisis !!”

    He paused and stared out the window of his car as the men cheered at a final goal scored.

    “ Just a couple men playing a hybrid soccer game…diving into stickers to do burpees and calling each other weird names …seemingly in the prime of their life. It’s crazy , my Psych 100 class says these are the guys that are lonely, depressed , and mad at the world and I tell you the crazy part …it looks fun …like they are really having fun”

    “Huh…just lucky I guess “ the supervising officer quipped

    “I don’t know ..” he said back as he watched them disappear into the gloom.

    “Doesn’t seem like luck has anything to do with it ….”

    SYITG

    Dox

  • St. Joseph and a Psycho Killer – from Goose

    There are rare occasions upon which YHC comes to discover that his firm opinions about some or other aspect of life may not be as accurate or informed as he once thought. And, sometimes, on even rarer occasions, YHC might even seek out deeper or unknown aspects of a particular area of life that much of the population seem to value but YHC sees as worthless or worse. This morning, YHC would share the results of one such venture.

    in a sliver of openness to potential value of country music, YHC stumbled across an old gem: “Psycho” by Jack Kittel, recorded in 1974. And, that’s as far as it got. No need to foray any deeper. The refrain starts, in a slow Texas drawl, “You think I’m psycho don’t you, mama?” So much for country.

    When YHC revealed that we’d be utilizing the results of his recent country study in this morning’s first exercise, the PAX had high hopes for either a country-conversion or something funny like “I Wanna Marry the Troops”. It didn’t take long for those hopes and giggles to fade into a few quetly uttered, “Oh, no”s.
    -Plank for the duration, merkins on “mama”.

    We recovered (physically), and moved into the actual theme of the beatdown, St. Joseph’s Day.
    St. Joseph went through some tough stuff, but it allowed him to participate at the deepest level in the most incredible, important event that has ever occurred on earth: God became man and lived among us. But, it wasn’t until he allowed himself, his decision-making to be led by a God he trusted despite not being able to see where it was all going.

    St. Joseph Dora–partner up for:

    1. St. Joseph finds out she’s pregnant and tries to sneak out and hit the road, but is stopped by the Angel Gabriel and runs back to Mary and her child: 100 Australian Sweat Angels, P2 sneaks out to the street and runs to the stop sign and nurs back.

    2. The governor selfishly calls for a census and forces everyone to travel back to the place of their heredity, and Joseph leads pregnant Mary all the way to Bethlehem, where he finds no room for them. But all these horrible circumstances lead to the fulfillment of many important prophecies and ultimately the revelation of God-become-man in a newborn: 200 genuflections while partner bear crawls to the sidewalk and runs back. (The Bonnie Blair b-day celebration yesterday made for some slow, sloppy genuflections.)

    3. The psycho king moves to kill all the young children in Bethlehem, and though God saves his son from an early death, He doesn’t stop Herod (or anyone else from then till now) from causing unimaginable suffering. Joseph flees with the baby and his mother to Egypt in obedience to the angel: 300 mummy walks (straight legs, toes touching outstretched hands) while partner cariocas to the sidewalk and back.

    After this, YHC waxed a bit on the nature of God’s decision to allow evil and suffering to continue in order to safeguard man’s freedom, which is required for his capacity to fully live and love. Instead of messing with that, in a genius stroke, he entered into our suffering, united himself to us exactly where he knew we felt most vulnerable, alone, and human. He knew that sharing our suffering (completely) would be an infinitely greater gift than taking it away, and he allowed St. Josph to do this with him from the very moment of his conception in Mary’s womb.

    They went through some tough stuff, but St. Joseph also got to live with him in their small little family and help form him into the man God had planned for him to be. Life in this family had to be incredibly blessed, so we would share in that blessing by sharing some suffering, too.

    Split into groups of 3: while one does 15 8-count bodybuilders, the other two are doing either LBC’s or SSH until he’s finished, then they rotate. Once done, they caught a quick 10-count before heading up to the Stage with 5. minutes remaining on the clock.

    One of the things St. Joseph is most known for is being upside down, buried in someone’s yard. The homeowners are under the impression this will somehow bring about the speedy sale of their home….No idea.

    In reparation for our boy being put so often into the dirt headfirst like a tent stake, the PAX took their positions, each near a column, for a Balls to the Wall Merkin Ring of Fire. Upside down, with feet up on the post and hands on the ground, the PAX took turns doing an upside down, head-first merkin, counting by each up to 40. Any further and more than one PAX would have passed out (and dental waivers may have needed to be passed out, too).

    We finished exactly at 6:00 and stepped down for COT, and Valve prayed us out.

    St. Joseph gave one of the best examples of how shared suffering is more of a gift than any comfort, knowledge, wealth, or fame could ever provide. He was allowed to share in God’s own suffering and life. This may sound unrealistic, but why else would 8 men show up at 5:15 am to let someone else tell them what they’re all gonna do, and the only guarantee is that it will hurt. And we can’t get enough. It’s not because we’re crazy, but because we were made for so much more than just avoiding pain and getting through day. We were made to choose to enter into life fully, and to do that with and for others in spite of (and actually through) suffering.

    Thanks for being willing to suffer with me this morning, fellas! I’ve never felt so alive!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “Pain exists in the mind.” – from America’s Best

    What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An ear (ehr)worm?
    No… a free men’s workout. Resilient… highly contagious. And once an idea for a beatdown has taken hold of the brain, it’s almost impossible to eradicate.
    Months ago, the idea for this beatdown was planted into YHC’s fragile eggshell mind by Paradox.
    Now, YHC had not seen Inception in years, so a refresher was necessary.
    (Since the movie is currently available only on Canadian Netflix, YHC may have had to commit some “light violation” of Netflix’s terms of service in order to view the movie.)

    Began as usual, with Warmarama, but YHC wanted to set up the disorientation and confusion early. Only 3 SSH were done; Enron looked up from setting his Whoop, and it was over.

    The first thang:
    The entire PAX enters together into the first dream layer:
    Dream on (Aerosmith)- Hold Al Gore during music, SSH during lyrics. Burpee on “sing,” merkin on “dream”, then change to hold plank and and merkins all subsequent “sing”s and “dream”s.

    Second Thang: for the next dream layer, it’s necessary to break into smaller groups.
    So we divided into partners and performed a Musical Dora – one partner does curls during song 1, and thrusters during 2nd song. Other partner is running a lap, and doing 5 derkins on the hill.

    Deepest dream layer: Limbo, on your own.
    In the world of Inception, Limbo is an “expanse of infinite raw subconscious,” described as “unconstructed dream space.”
    And so it came to be that we would suffer the deconstructed burpees of Yankee Jeaux’s dreams (Jurpees) in unconstructed dream space. AMRAP. On your own.
    For your listening pleasure: Sweet Dreams (are made of these) and Good Old Fashioned Nightmare.
    Not sure if the entire PAX experienced the extreme time dilation YHC did here, but these two songs seemed to last about 4 hours.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was the song used in Inception to alert the dreamers to wake into the higher dream state.
    So when it played, we ran a lap around the civic center to “kick” back out of limbo and up into the second dream.

    Second Thang again:Repeated Musical Dora, this time with sit ups on the (up) hill.
    May I submit that this exercise henceforth be known as “the drug mule”? Because when I was done I had so much grass in my crack I felt like I was crossing the border with Cheech and Chong.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” played again, so again we ran a lap around CC (before song ends!) and reunited entire PAX to finish up in the original dream.

    And the last thang:
    “Wake Me Up” : flutter kicks until chorus. Big boy sit ups during chorus, Big Boy Sit Up Ups (stand ups)on “Wake Me”; Freddy Mercury during breakdown

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was supposed to play one final time. Maybe we were supposed to run one more lap?
    Either way, not sure if we got to that final bit… but I hope this blast has summed up the rigorous confusion of the beatdown.

    COT. Goose prayed us out.

    Thanks for showing up for the mayhem. Always an honor to lead you maniacs.

    AB Sees…
    A parallel between Han Solo and Yankee Jeaux:

    How was I confident that we could make the lap around the Civic Center before that French song ended? First, a story:
    Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon “made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.” Critics and nerds love to point out that this makes no sense, because a parsec is a unit of distance, not time.

    A few weeks ago, YHC was planning this beatdown and so asked YJ “how long does it take to run a lap around the Civic Center?” His answer: 0.3 miles.

    So how was I confident we would make it in time?
    Not at all. But Goose was back! And showing up only minutes after me, informed me “I’m going to run a few laps to warm up.”
    Giving me the perfect opportunity to time him… as long as we can all run like Goose, we should be fine. How confident was I that we could all run like Goose?
    Not at all. But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Or otherwise, “become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.”

  • The Prayer of Pain – from Cardinal

    We find ourselves in the season of Lent, where people tend to try to recommit to focusing on the spiritual side of things. YHC, being a Catholic priest, sees it often and often hears the question of feeling like you don’t know how to pray. Some have said the psalms are a great place to start, because it’s essentially a prayer book in the Bible. YHC would agree with that “some,” because it’s the psalms that first brought him deeper into a relationship with God. (Sky Q? Nah.) So a beatdown based on the psalms was devised that would prove to be less prayerful and more painful…

    A standard fare Warmorama was had, including imperial walkers, side straddle hops, arm circles and cherry pickers, high knees and butt kicks, and some self-love. First lesson of prayer – let go of expectations (like you HAVE to start with SSH) and be open to what God has to say.

    YHC crafted a playlist of songs based on several of the psalms. Each song was paired with an exercise, with the psalm’s number of reps having to be completed before the song finished. (So for example, the song based on Psalm 139 would require 139 squats to be completed in the duration of the song.) The PAX didn’t know how long the songs were, so it was a guess as to how much time you had to finish it. Numbers were pulled at random to really let God have the final say.

    The PAX had enough time for 5 songs, which were as follows:
    1. Psalm 46 – 8-count body builders
    2. Psalm 57 – Burpees
    3. Psalm 98 – Big boys
    4. Psalm 84 – hand-release merkins
    5. Psalm 16 – 15-yard-choice of crab walk or bear crawl

    A couple of observations…
    1. The plank jack in the 8-count makes a HUGE difference. The burpees after that felt like a breeeeezeeeeeeeeee….mostly…until the second half…
    2. YHC wasn’t entirely confident that he had matched the exercises with the rep count and timing that well, but the PAX handled it like champs. They dug into it with everything they had, and it was really a sight to behold. Many were able to complete most of them. But whether you finished it or not, it was clear they were pushing through without holding back. I could really give the Animal (who’s got that again??) to any of them.
    3. That drive also kept chatter to a minimum.
    4. YHC can’t count to above 20 to save his life.
    5. The last bear crawl, YHC witnessed a bear crawl race…AB’s bear crawl is really a sight to behold.

    In between each song, we had a couple 10-counts and a recovery lap to prep us for the next one.

    We finished with a light penalty for those who didn’t complete any (mercy, right?? SSH vs calf raises) and then a couple minutes of MARY to close us out.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Grateful to the PAX for pushing through this morning. One of them commented “Prayer, fasting, almsgiving…and pain, the 4th pillar of Lent.” Praying with the pain, with the hard stuff, even if it feels fruitless in the moment, is some of the most fruitful experiences of prayer I’ve ever had. When we keep giving everything, whether we feel like we’re failing or not, God can do incredible things. Keep pushing through, brothers, relying not on your own strength or measure of success but on His.

    “Lord of hosts, you’re with us
    With us in the fire
    With us as a shelter
    With us in the storm.

    You will lead us
    Through the fiercest battle
    Oh, where else would we go?
    But with the Lord of Hosts.”

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • Mist Opportunities – from Honeysuckle

    It was a foggy morning and YHC had the title of this blast picked out before leaving home. It was an agonizing night realizing that the beatdown was about taking the PAX on a “virtual downrange” modeled after YHC’s Southport NC downrange experience last month, and with the addition of Bibs actually downranging, the perfect opportunity for an Inception-like Q was possible. Where are we now? Mobile? Thibodaux? Southport? The only way to know for sure is if the farts during ab work have an odor, you are not downrange.

    But not putting together that concept was a missed opportunity.

    Fortunately, opportunities are all around us.

    The promise of an FNG and Bibs downranging brought an energy and excitement to the Den, then the arrival of French Horn turned it up to 11. Another FNG (FNG 2) joined after watching from a distance for a while from the Civic center.

    We began with the usual warmarama, to a point where YHC started to introduce some of the differences experienced during the downrange.

    Side straddle hops

    Arm circles both ways

    Cherry pickers

    Imperial Walkers

    Pebble pickers – Willie Mays Hayes but perpendicular. Similar to grass grabbers? The PAX yawned, but YHC knew the next wrinkle would get their attention.

    High knees, but performed to the Imperial Walker pace. No jumping or running in place. You could have sworn it was a spa day with all the relaxed sighs, oohs, and aahs.

    Butt kicks, same concept. Low impact.

    Mountain climbers. Maybe they could have been done slowly but YHC went back to the usual pace.

    Equalizer. At times I definitely felt the “swing” that Goose referred to in his rowing beatdown.

    Thang 1

    Line up at the side walk. Start with 1 lunge walk steps, then four bear crawl steps. Then 2 lunge walk steps and 8 bear crawl steps. Then 3 and 12. And so on. When we reached the driveway near the oak trees, start over and go back.

    In Southport I was near the front of the pack. Today I was near the back. That is a testament to the fitness of our Thibodaux PAX.

    Thang 2

    Short mosey to the NE corner of the Civic Center. At this corner, we were to do 30 air squats. Then run to the NW corner and do 30 merkins. Then run to the next corner and do 30 WWI situps. Then run to the last corner and do 30 squat jumps. Then run to the Lion. In Southport, this was done in the equivalent of a city block in downtown Thibodaux.

    Planked at the end. After everyone was in plank position, we did 10 donkey kicks with the right leg and 10 donkey kicks with the left leg. Downrange, the Q did this while waiting for the six. Again, today we really didn’t have any six.

    Thang 3

    Short mosey to the north facing wall of the Civic center. PAX split up into two groups for each to do the Chedda Shredda. Line up shoulder to shoulder in plank position. The PAX at the end would crawl and align themselves head to head with the next PAX and they do a merkin together. Then the mobile (as in moving, not Mobile, AL) PAX moves down the line to the next PAX and those do a merkin together. While the mobile PAX goes down the line, the next PAX also goes mobile. And so on. The effect is sort of like tank tracks or cheese shreds falling when being shredded.

    After the team finished, sprint to the end of the parking lot and back.

    Then we did it all over again to perfect it. Something about needing more eye contact.

    Thang 4

    Chair position at the civic center wall, and the first PAX does four air shoulder presses. Then the second PAX, then the third, all down the line.

    Balls to the wall, and do the same thing with four shoulder taps. That was tough today. YHC didn’t realize how much adrenaline must have been flowing while downrange.

    Thang 5

    Indian run around the civic center. Last PAX drops off and does 3 merkins. YHC learned that FNG1 liked to run and was fast. So there was quite a variance in pace as we proceeded. This must have looked like a slinky.

    Thang 6

    At the Southport beatdown, there was another equalizer at this point so we did that too. After that, they have a tradition to do 10 burpees for the men who have not returned to a beatdown, or that haven’t been back in a while. So that is what we did as well.

    Since we had a few minutes left, we did a few minutes of Mary. Flutter kicks, Freddy Mercuries, LBCs, all in cadence.

    COT

    16 PAX counted off. FNG2 was named first. Yankee Joe must have heard at some point that FNG2 had the nickname Schouestmeister, which seemed like a good F3 name choice. Then FNG1 stepped up. YHC expected there to be an immediate consensus on his name but we found ourselves back at the drawing board. America’s Best made a connection to FNG1’s sheep and the fact that he’s a doctor to get to McDreamy, and there were a few supporters but FNG1 didn’t seem to like it so that sealed the deal. Welcome to both!

    Bibs mentioned a couple of events in his neck of the woods during announceorama that
    perhaps we’ll get a little more info on.

    AB prayed us out, Dox photoed us out.

    Each one of us there today had an opportunity to attend and did not miss it. Bibs had the opportunity to visit another AO for a workout and took it. The PAX had an opportunity to welcome two FNGs, one very unexpectedly. Tclaps to McDreamy for taking the opportunity to walk into a new experience and then killing it. Tclaps to Schouestmeister for being where he was this morning, for whatever reason, probably not realizing that a bunch of guys would show up and get in a circle, and then deciding to join that circle.

    When YHC went downrange, YHC didn’t know exactly what to expect, but had confidence that the experience would be worthwhile due to how F3 was set up. YHC was welcomed in without hesitation and the beatdown structure was familiar (in that there is very little structure). YHC walked away with even more appreciation of F3 because it delivered as promised. Your name is your membership card. (Now if we could only get Firehouse subs to also accept F3 names during their “if your name starts with the letter H…” promotions.)

    Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of it all.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • “Hey, Goose, You Big Stud!” – from Yankee Joe

    Over the past few weeks, the PAX has been playing regular season games while its Coach is sidelined for negligence around a sign-stealing scandal.

    Wait…that doesn’t sound right. Rufus, where the hell did you get this information from? Seriously? You let that baked bean loving cousin of yours tell you what to write? How many times do I have to tell you…Duke, is not a part of our Blast productions. And while we’re on the topic, you can tell that mutt and his lackey to roll their amateur footage all the way back to St. Johns.

    I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’ve been under a lot of pressure. In the past month, my profession, my coffee, and my smirk have all been called into question. I’m not sure who I am anymore, and the scorn is flowing like Goldilox (where has that guy been, by the way?).

    Ok, so over the past few weeks, the PAX has been posting without its tactle…I mean fearless leader in attendance. It has been a season of growth for the PAX, both in numbers and in identity. With Ponzi and Tidy Whity back in the mix, along with White Meat coming in hawt and staying hawt, the energy of beatdowns is palpable, not to mention the chatter quality has really found a new level.

    But no matter how many FNG’s show up, or how creative the beatdowns get, or to what extent Pope smokes the rest of us in…well everything, nothing but nothing can replace Montana. I guess he wasn’t really ‘carrying the boats’ after all.

    RUFUS! DUDE, C’mon! Please try to treat this more seriously than Popeye doing bonnie blair’s.

    Alright…Nothing but nothing can replace the energy and poise brought by Goose. And yet, while his absence creates a gaping abyss for Paradox to talk about pre-order lady cut t- shirts (“Bruhh, so the sport-tek is def superior to the tri-blend, no question.”), we can easily forget about Goose’s path to recovery. His faith unrelenting, Goose reminds us that God has a plan. Of course, that doesn’t make some of the turns any less dark.

    As such, YHC thought it might be a honkin’ good time to share in Goose’s recovery plan. So, YHC pulled up to a Tuesday Tuff expecting (hoping for) a deluge. A torrential downpour would have turned a regular session of pain into a morning full of dirty, sloppy suffering…a type of glory known only by the protectors of Helm’s Deep and Andy Dufresne. Alas, the bad weather would hold off, which is just as well. BAPS does not like to get his little knobs wet…it makes him feel all shorted out.

    By 5:15, a PAX of 8 began – that is once we waited for Paradox to finish an anecdote about something…probably another story about the trials of playing middle school football in Homer. We ran the normal warmarama. Cadence all over the place and YHC often forgot to count because he was too busy running his mouth…probably telling another story about the trials of going to middle school in the 1940’s.
    ————————————-

    The Thang

    If you’ve posted with Goose enough, you know he has a lukewarm relationship with Dora 1-2-3. Even so, YHC can’t think of a thang that is more Goose-like than:

    a) doing hard ascending exercises in increments of 100,
    b) alternating with some awful form of transport (typically leg heavy), and
    c) experiencing all of the suffering with the support of a partner.

    For this morning, we would take on a Dora 1-2-3 pyramid. The ascension/descension (reps of 100, 200, 300, 200, 100) represented Goose’s path to healing. Like any physical recovery, going up and down, the rehab is sometimes seemingly impossible, sometimes surprisingly productive.

    For each transport, we emulated Goose’s progress beginning with zombie crawls and working our way up through spiderman crawls, bear crawls, flying nuns, and finally, full-out sprints around the track. By the end, the PAX would slowly and painfully work through the pyramid to achieve Goose’s full recovery, 100 Goosie’s with full sprint as transport.
    ——————————————

    It went a little something like this…

    100 burpees – switched out for jump squats in what might be the most brilliant audible in YHC’s F3 tenure (that’s right, I said tenure)

    P1 – Zombie crawl to marker, mosey back
    P2 – Jump squats
    Flapjack

    Observations:

    YHC has called on the Zombie Crawl on several occasions as a Q. For whatever reason, it ALWAYS creates havoc, leading to debate among the mutineers about what the proper form looked like. For the purposes of posterity, let’s get this settled…let those who have ears hear, those who have bad form repent.

    The Zombie Crawl is NOT an Army Crawl. The latter requires leg movement, while the former requires your entire lower body to be dragged. As posited this morning, the Zombie Crawl can include full extension of the arms. However, doing so would basically be a mobile version of Paradox’s hip dip cobra thrust he tries to pass off as a merkin. Rather, YHC believes the Zombie Crawl should be a chilcutt (elbow) plank position, while pulling a lifeless lower body…you know…basically America’s Best’s whole experience in having YHC as a partner.

    ———————————————

    200 J-Lo’s 1:1

    P1 – spiderman crawl to marker, mosey back
    P2 – J-Lo’s
    Flapjack

    Observations:

    These are so much harder than I remembered from the Lil’ Cuz Peltch beatdown around the track. Not surprisingly, Lil’ Cuz is really good at these. At this point, any real chatter began to die off. The soundtrack at this point, the “Affirmative Goose” playlist was leaning into “Glory of Love” and “Hell’s Bells.” The morning seemed to be getting darker.

    ————————————————

    300 merkins

    P1 – bear crawl to marker, mosey back
    P2 – J-Lo’s
    Flapjack

    Observations:

    America’s Best inadvertently found himself partnered with YHC for the beatdown. Having apparently drawn the short straw, he was magnanimous in his patience with YHC’s woeful merkin count each round. I don’t know how he did it. I mean, he’s a specimen sure, but my man was turning out reps like Tana in Slidell on a Tuesday with McCallister’s in tow.

    Appropriately, the Rocky IV training montage was playing at this point. Pope thought it was theme music from a Wii game (Goose you need to address that). The morning was irrelevant. By now, time was just a construct. 10 minutes left or 20 minutes, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except for the next rep.
    ——————————————–

    200 leg raises

    P1 – flying nuns to marker, mosey back
    P2 – merkins
    Flapjack

    Observations:

    By this time, it was clear that the YHC/AB team had fallen behind. This was not really surprising in regards to the HoneyValve.com duo, but suspicions about questionable form were beginning to creep into YHC’s mind, only confirmed by AB whispering slanderous accusations.

    Now, from time to time, YHC has been known to throw an accusation or two around concerning bad form. NOT today, however. If the form police had been on site, YHC would have been brought up on felony charges, doomed to a life of peddling cigarettes and contraband posters of Rita Hayworth, Marilyn Monroe, and Raquel Welch. We got a nice little upbeat interlude with Jurrassic 5’s “What’s Golden,” but nobody cared. There was nothing to care about. Life had lost its meaning. Salt had lost its taste. Enron had lost his sarcasm.
    —————————————

    100 Goosies

    P1 – sprint around track
    P2 – Goosies
    Flapjack

    Observations:

    YHC had no observations. Each sprint around the track was…well not a sprint. YHC was beyond regretting most of his life choices. Jefferson Airplane serenaded us to an anthem of urban development (can’t help but think this would be a great trivia question), followed by ‘Come Sail Away’ by Styx. The Stage had faded to black.

    Having repped, crawled, and ran our way through Goose’s recovery, we finished with the only thing YHC felt would be appropriate for a man that has designed multiple versions of Burpeepalooza. We did full out Burpees AMRAP for the last minute.

    COT, Paradox talked about pre-order t-shirts for 23 minutes, and Safety Valve prayed us out.

    It’s obvious that the PAX is not complete without you, Goose. That said, every beatdown, every individual posting, every ridiculous bout of mumblechatter, and every obnoxious accounting of proper form is a testament to your legacy and the incredible gift you offered us by bringing F3 to Thibodaux.

    Opportunities to lead are precious. I don’t take them for granted.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    Epilogue:

    As we neared the end, I realized, to my amazement, that other teams had not only finished, BUT were starting the regimen all over again. So inspiring was this achievement that I was snapped out of the darkness. Upon finishing my last lap – being the very last one to finish – a sense of gratitude welled up inside of me. In that nanosecond, I got a glimpse of what real servant leadership looks like. Mannn…this F3 stuff…am I right?

  • Plain and Simple – from Superfun(d)

    Pax: Yankee Jeaux, Paradox, Cardinal, Pope, Wet Tap, Popeye, America’s Best, White Meat, Lil Cuz

    Since I’m not as creative and poetic as Yankee Jeaux or Paradox, I will keep this back blast simple, just like the beatdown. But, YHC knew it was going to be a good beatdown when the douche wagon pulled up.

    Warmups
    – SSH
    – Arm Circles
    – Cherry Pickers
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers with the Clap
    – Mountain Climbers

    Thang 1: Merica’s favorite exercise, Merkins!

    Each Pax had their own deck of cards. Each card you pulled represented how many merkins you did. K, Q, J, and 10s were 10 merkins each. 9 = 9 merkins and so forth. Since I’m a gracious Q, Aces were worth only 1 instead of 11. YHC called time since I didn’t hear anymore mumble chatter and the pecs were on fire. If you were able to finish the deck, it would be 340 merkins. Moseyed to stop sign and back.

    Thang 2: Groucho Mile

    Everybody partnered up. Partner 1 performed Grouchos (squat then turn 180 then repeat) while partner 2 did 5 War World 1 sits up. Once partner 2 was finished, he would mosey up to Partner 1 and swap. We had only completed ~.5 of a mile when time was called. We moseyed back to the stage where we did 1 MOM – flutter kicks and LBCs.

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Thank y’all for coming out to support my yearly Q. The fitness, fellowship, and faith is powerful in our group, and I greatly appreciate the F3 PAX.

    See y’all in 2025,
    SuperFun(d)

  • Leap of Faith – from Paradox

    Legend has it that Leap Day William lives in the Marianas Trench and only leaves that comfort every 4 years to swap candy for the tears of children….

    *Duke busts into the writing room*

    “No Dox , No! That’s 30 Rocks story …
    Tell your own! “

    Ahem..

    10 pax lept to the Lions Den on a windy spring morning eager to potentially meet a mythical leaping fellow. Surely he would be there ?! The GroupMe hype was crystal clear!
    Instead they found the great value branded Leap Day Williard. He only puts on sleeves if someone croaks and he crawls out from under a north La overpass every 4 years to bum a nicotine patch and exchange sweat equity for the tears of grown men. He has 45 minutes to maximize calorie burn and he definitely ain’t got time for your chatter or to pronounce simple nouns correctly.
    Those tv execs can go kick 30 Rocks , this is a real man’s Leap Day celebration!

    Even when presented with the dollar store version of a leap day hero these men stayed true to their HCs and settled in to, as one pax put it Best, Carpe that extra diem bawwwz!

    Duke! Roll that beautiful beatdown footage!

    Warmup
    YHC wrapped up some finishing touches of the pre-formation lap just in time to find that gaggle of leaplings calf stretching around Aslan. Took them through the usual fare with 29 SSH just to make sure Jeauxs HRV was still activated.
    Truncated warmups a bit to make room for a little musical leap day overture.

    Warmup Thang

    “Might As Well Jump”

    -Leap Day Trivia
    Started Van Halens “Jump” with Al Gore and Bobby Hurleys on Jump. The pax would need to guess the year the following albums were released and each correct guess would buy them 30 seconds off. White Meat (in his 3rd post in a week! T-claps ) dubbed these “discounts” and the pax would need all 4 (1 for each of the last 4 years) to reduce the song to 2 minutes of quad torture.

    Enron smelled the clue early that the answer would take place in a Leap Year. AB followed with his continued uncanny ability to dissect a competitive event into its vital organs, he haggled YHC down to 2 guesses per song.

    Songs :

    NWA released Straight Outta Compton and YHC was released Straight out of Homer in this year.? The pax waffled a bit but steered the ship back to 1988.

    Eagles – Hotel California (76)
    Jeaux got this album for his 10th birthday so this was a soft toss.

    Johnny Cash – Folsom Proson Blues (1968)
    Some rings of fire still burning from Jersey Mikes. Ya hate to see it.

    And the Finale, the song we had listened to the wholeeee time!
    Van Halen (1984)

    Da Main Thang

    Leap Cajun Leap

    2 yHC objectives here :

    1. Attempt 4 laps with 4 stations of a race with increasing burpees at the end of each , symbolizing the extra hours we tack on each year and then delete with leap day.
    2. Recall all the amazing beatdowns we had this month with creative ways of distracting us from the monotony of running.

    Formation Lap (The Circuit)

    YHC led the group in an intro of the course , this was from Safety Valves F1 beatdown. The formation lap, while revving the heart to pump your dreams, also gives you essential time for strategery. Some pax used this wisely and sized up potential partners while other choices could only be described as poi form.

    Da Stations (below) were roughly strewn around the civic center into Aldi and back to the Lion.

    Station 1 (3 cones in parking lot in a triangle )
    -From the Wet Tap Pyramid Scheme and Cardinal Ladder

    Partner Lunge Walk to cones
    Increasing partner squats then decrease
    3-5-3

    Mosey

    Station 2
    Alphabet Marathon (Enron)
    20 American Hammers
    Leap Frog to Cone
    20 Zombie Crunch

    Mosey

    Station 3 Bountiful Grace …if we can trust. (Goose beatdown)

    10 Goosies each
    Partner drag across to cone, swap
    10 Goosies each

    Mosey

    Station 4 The Poi-Son OhrWurm (YJ/AB)
    10 “Never Say Never”
    Shoulder Tap Merkins
    CrawlBear Through Volcanoes
    (To help AB conquer his lava phobia)
    If you knock one over, 5 star jumps
    10 Shoulder Tap Merkins at the end

    YHC could see the pax awaiting a layer of instructional complexity (AB has them trained) and a bag of recently purchased bandanas were presented to answer.
    As they were informed that one partner would be blindfolded and led through the lava by the sight able pax. They would then mosey to the lion in a half blindfolded trust run.

    Burpees after each round representing the excess hours that Leap Day takes care of each year.
    6-12-18-24

    Teams were carefully or chaotically selected and we had 29 minutes to see who could compete the most laps. I’ll break it down from YHCs view of each team.

    SafetySuckle (or HoneyValve, if you need a PG rating)

    One of the greatest pairings in F3 Thibodaux history these two politely crushed the pax and gave out attitude adjustments all while having a telepathic conversation about whether you should cut your lawn in concentric circles or parallel lines. They got separation early in the first volcano run and never looked back .

    JeauxDox (country rockstar vibes)

    Like the second team in the F1 pairing our job was mostly to keep steady pressure on safetysuckle and to show RonnieMeat what real form and real men look like. Things were fairly tame until we broke out the blindfolds….
    They say the loss of one sense heightens the remaining senses and as YHC tightened the knot the lights went dim but everything else intensified. The concrete beneath my feet , the grunting pax nearby in my ear, and then …what’s that …my spider senses were tingling …a smell in the air , we had surpassed verbal communication and now Jeaux was sending a flatulent telegraph to inform me he had ketchup and onions for dinner and couldn’t run that fast. A gastrointestinal bond was formed forever.

    I guess Seger was right this whole time.
    We were wild and young and free …against the wind.

    RonnieMeat

    Draped in a signature Walmart Stars and Stripes they kept a great pace. Representing finance and upper echelon poultry this was truly Americas team. They spent most of their time filing form complaints on JeauxDox that will never be processed.

    AB-Pop
    Recently YHC discovered there are mutiple genres of Asian pop (K-Pop, Mando-pop, C-Pop) and it seems the trend worked its way back west.
    In perfect synchrony this duo traversed a significant “muscle density “ differential that spawned an Eric Cartman meme and ultimately led to AB leaving the band for a solo career. Popeye could not be reached but his publicist sent a smirk emoji reply. Talks of a reunion tour are unlikely.

    The Trio
    Ponz-Cardinal-Dilly
    Multilevel marketing at its best they continued to let the pax know they would have gone further with just one more teammate. If I had just one pic of that 3 man squat it’s the only promo material we would ever need!

    At 5:59 SuckleValve had reached 2 and 3/4 lap and was declared victorious.
    We capped it off with a blindfolded race back to the flag and no ER trips.

    Counting , naming and announcements

    RCR closing day
    Thanks to everyone for all forms of locomotion and logging miles.
    Over 12k was raised for Youth Run Nola and 6k for Wibo Foundation.
    Local pax Stats breakdown and award ceremony pending…

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    A privilege to lead men.

    Epilogue

    Early in the beatdown planning committee as I was riffing on the different uses of Leap I came upon “Leap of Faith”. First I realized blindfolds were a must and second that the theme of trust and total surrender have been recurring a lot for YHC this lent.
    I had hopes the blindfold would be a physical challenge and maybe even slow down some of our thoroughbreds (it didn’t) but I underestimated the real fear that set in when trying to run in total darkness. Would I fall? Where was the curb? Do I look stupid? Surely we should be there by now? Am I being passed up? I fought the urge to reach up and claw it from my face and regain control. But Jeaux was there , calmly , confidently informing me that he could see everything ahead of me. After the panic stricken first lap I was ready for round 2, and as I began to feel the fear creep back in he said “grass is coming up dox, feel it on your feet”.
    That phrase has stuck with me since.

    It gave me hope and the visual of a place that was familiar.
    It has also been a reminder to me that we aren’t home yet. That most days I may be suffering, reaching , even clawing for the control I’m used to.
    But if I can accept the grace to fully surrender and know God can see the whole race then not only can I serve him but I can serve at full speed with any gift he has given. It doesn’t remove the obstacles nor alleviate the suffering but He’s there guiding , holding us, and providing the resources to serve.

    And one day, when our race has been run, when our struggle has ended and the battle is fought. That we may hear:

    “Home is coming up, you can feel it on your feet”.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Choose your Poi, Son! – from America’s Best

    Unbeknownst to many, YHC spent his small kid time in Hawaii… AB was just a barefoot Haole, speaking pidgin, surfing with an alien I thought was a dog, working as a private investigator, and flying around in T.C.’s helicopter. This beatdown was inspired by those days. . .

    The PAX rolled in, totaling a dozen by the time Dilly rolled on… so we began Warmarama… a bit of a pickle since we only had 10 coupons. But, like a glorious Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Paradox broke out of the circle, leapt out in to the gloom, and returned with a giant black stick that would have to suffice.

    Island 1: Hawai’i (The Big Island):

    Constantly in fear that a volcano was about to erupt, YHC’s early visits to this island were always a bit nightmarish. We pay tribute today to this childhood fear with Volcano by the late, some-say-great, Jimmy Buffet. Hold Al Gore. Burpee on “I don’t know.” Tuck jump on “Volcano.”

    Mom Jeans’ hatred of Jimmy Buffet during this segment was noted, catalogued, and will be weaponized in a future beatdown.

    Island 2: Maui – the Man, the Myth, the Island

    The trickster demigod was definitely present during this well-planned, expertly explained, and piss-poorly executed portion of your entertainment.
    The plan was a Kola (which is the closest phonetic match to Dora, since there is no “D” or “R” in the Hawaiian alphabet). Pair up, one partner is Maui, pushing up the sky (coupon presses) while the other is his brother, tricked into pulling up islands from the sea floor(moving coupons). Then Flapjack, and 2nd partner takes over the presses while partner 1 moves the coupon back to the start. The explanation was much longer, murkier, and nobody in the PAX was clear on whether they were Maui, his brother, or themselves, so everyone was moving islands all over the ocean.

    Admittedly, this part was half-baked at best. And so YHC went into full-on Dad/Tech Support mode (“Move!”) and just walked everyone through a new version: Walk backwards, with alternating sets of curls and goblet squats. A more well-planned Maui beatdown is guaranteed next time.

    Island 3: O’ahu… choose your Poi, son!

    One of my earliest memories was at a luau, learning about poi, a Hawaiian food staple. Hard to describe, it’s a fermented paste of pounded taro root. It’s like if yogurt and sweet potato had a baby. And then you ate out of that baby’s diaper.
    Anyway, you typically classify it based on consistency: “one-finger”, “two-finger”, or “three-finger”, based on how many fingers are required to scoop it up.
    So here, participants are asked to choose which poi they want. And like poi, with each added finger it gets more runny:
    1-finger poi: Roll die, do 7x that many burpees and WWII sit-ups, with murder bunnying and bear crawling (least runny/no running)
    2-finger poi: Roll die, do that many laps with 2x that number of blockees as buy-in for each lap
    3-finger poi: Run/nur until you find the Run-Cajun-Run sticker on a lamp post; then 3 burpees and run back (most runny)

    Without hesitation, Honeysuckle chose 3 and lead the other gazelles off into the unknown gloom.
    Seeming the most innocuous, 2-finger poi proved to be the most difficult. Those were the real tough guys. . .who didn’t do the math first.
    Enron and YHC were the only two bold enough to try the 1 finger poi, and were rewarded for our bravery by finishing first.

    Final Thang: The Ring of Fire
    The Ring of Fire is also a belt of volcanos surrounding the Pacific. So we did the typical Ring of Fire, but (Inner) “Circles” by Soul Coughing was played instead of the usual Johnny Cash song…
    About 2 minutes into the ‘roid rage, YHC offered to stop the thang if anyone could ID the artist… and decided to mention “this is a 10-minute song, by the way.”
    Only Popeye had even heard this song before. And so, a minute later, desperation set in, and Yankee Jeaux jumped up to check the phone and call out the artist to stop the torture.
    The song was over anyway. YJ cheated, but YHC lied.

    Pau.
    COT and Yankee Jeaux prayed us out.

    Something for my Llamas:
    Nobody knew why that song by the Animals was played this morning amongst the Hawaii-themed music. YHC’s favorite volcano is Haleakala… which is Hawaiian for “House of the (rising) Sun.”
    Another bit of trivia for you: The Hawaiian Islands were once called the Sandwich Islands, but the name was changed because it brought too much shame when Firehouse Subs was founded.

    Tanks for coming out, bruddahs. Always an honor to lead. Great seeing the consistency of White Meat (that sounds weird) and that Ponzi is posting again on the regular. And some guy named Wilford Montana made my day by showing up (sans coffee) to join us.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose

                Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
    YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
    A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
    First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
    After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.