F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Hurting You is the Last Thing I Want to Do…But it is Still on the List – from Goose

    Dad jokes, like F3 exercises, require growth, maturation, hard work, and development. You can’t just expect to roll in with your sad-clown puns and expect that to check the “dad” box. Your kids, your wife, your friends, and the culture as a whole need more from you. It takes work, time, practice, and the ability to persevere through the piles and piles of cheesy, one-dimensional groaners to find the ones that communicate to your audience: “You’re worth more.” This morning would be a Dad Joke Intensive.

    After a warmup of the usuals, which got the sweat flowing freely in the bagass infused mugginess of The Stage, YHC suggested gloves despite no coupons and led the PAX to the Loop of Wealth. At the first light post, where all devious plots are revealed, YHC explained that a dad joke would be introduced at each light, and if the PAX was unable to come up with the punchline, we’d all endure a 10 merkin penalty. That was it. For the whole beatdown. We made it around the mile loop, and then headed backward to go around again. The hopper was loaded with winners (mostly), and YHC knew it would take a while to wake up the multiple levels of humor and creativity necessary for the true Dad joke aficidonado.

    Despite having some solid minds in the bunch, the PAX was clearly not ready for the heights we would be achieving today. Merkins flowed freely for quite some time before Tap started to catch on and work the old noodle a little harder. Honeysuckle, Valve, and Dox weren’t far behind, but the engines were sputtering for most of the run.

    It took the following two-liner before the message finally sunk in that we came to work:

    “Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station…

    Investigators have nothing to go on.”

    Dox was the first to figure out that you can’t just repeat one of the 20 dad jokes that you see on every list ever and think you’re doing your job. When you hear, “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” Don’t come with “Because 7 ate 9.” That’s wasting people’s time. You gotta come with something like, “Because 7 was a registered six offender.”

    The first break was earned by Honeysuckle, who came close enough on the following:

    “I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing form his job as a road worker…

    But, when I got home, all the signs were there.”

    So, YHC had to step it up a bit and bring it to the next level–you can’t go completely ridiculous, but Dad has to have an Ace up his sleeve. He has to come from somewhere completely unexpected, but still somehow make sense, at least a little:

    “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend…

    Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

    (And…10 merkins)

    The PAX picked up on the “unexpected angle” pretty quick and started to look for multiple directions, or misdirections. All four dads pulled out the punchline for the following and got a needed merkin break:

    “If people stood shoulder to shoulder around the equator…

    2/3 of them would drown.”

    Honeysuckle (or was is Dox?) even came up with a percentage that was almost the exact number. It was impressive.

    Somehow, though, most still got by them and they kicked themselves for missing some of the more direct ones, like:

    “Dad buys a universal remote and says…

    ‘This changes everything!’”

    or

    “A chicken coup only has two doors…

    If it had four, it would be called a chicken sedan.”

    There were a couple that came easy, though, like:

    “Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans.”

    But, there were still a few that were guaranteed merkins. I mean, we came to work out, right?

    “My drug test came back, and it’s negative…

    My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”

    or

    “I like to spend every day as if it’s my last…

    Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me my pudding.”

    Some were chosen just because YHC wanted to share what’s universally recognized as pure dad joke genius, like:

    “What do you call it when Batman skips church?

    Christian Bale”

    or

    “What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.”

    As we rounded the last few curves, we were skipping lights in order to get back to the flag on time. This was helped by Tap getting in a groove and nailing a few in a row, like:

    “So what if I don’t know what ‘Armageddon’ means…

    It’s not the end of the world.”

    And, we ended up finishing one minute late with the appropriate:

    “There are three types of people…

    Those who can count, and those who can’t.”

    All said and done, the PAX got 15 out of 48 correct, which meant we did 330 total merkins over 2 miles. With the distraction of the dad joke project, the merkins, though not easy, were not the focus, so we stacked them much higher than most of the PAX realized with what felt like moderate effort. Except for Pope. He knew all the jokes already, so all he was focused on was the merkins. He spent every light post run trying to use Jedi mind tricks to get the answers into their heads, dreading the impending merkins, while the rest giggled their way through what would have otherwise been a grinder.

    I’ll leave you with just a few more gems that didn’t make the cut, but should have:

    “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot.”

    “This is my stepladder…

    I never knew my real ladder.”

    “I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”

    You’re welcome. Keep working hard. Your loved ones need you.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A to ‘ – from America’s Best

    YHC arrived early (15 seconds before Goose), full of stoke for this beatdown, but mostly for da playlist. Had one full Hawaii playlist ready, but last night, no reason, YHC switched ‘em out for one playlist of all cover songs. And, like one log cruising over da waterfall in slow motion, they were glorious. . .

    Suddenly, something even more exciting:
    “Hey guys, this is Austin.” White Meat had brought an FNG.
    My brain squirrel jumped on the thinkin’ wheel, and the gears that push the struts that crank the wheels on the train of thought began to turn.
    Austin—>Austin Powers—> Richie Cunningham … but that would have to wait.
    It was time for: The Disclaimer.
    YHC could not remember all the points of the disclaimer. Luckily Paradox, playing Cyrano to my Christian, stood right next to me feeding me the lines. I tried to talk over him, but we all know the futility of that. I swear I didn’t see this coming when I started this analogy, but Paradox is the perfect Cyrano due to their shared love of Roxan(n)e.

    Standard Warmarama
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Windmills, William Mayweather Hayes, Mountain Climbers, Arm Circles, cherry pickers

    Bumper mosey, but there was no bumper! YHC became disoriented and ran in a wandering loop… really all part of the strategy to get to higher mileage… more on that later.

    Da Kine:

    Many months ago, Enron gifted us all with an A to Z beatdown, assigning an exercise to each letter of the alphabet. YHC immediately recognized the value of this “Rosetta Stone of Exicon” and began planning an homage to (ripoff of) that beatdown.

    And so da kine would be the same as Enron’s, but using the Hawaiian alphabet, which contains only 13 letters (if you count the okina, which I did).
    They would be:
    A – Aloha, Merkins (which are just merkins)
    E – Elbow plank
    I – Imperial Walkers
    O – Okole Rollers (BBS)
    U – Upright Rows
    H – Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Humpers
    K – Kurls
    L – Lunges
    M – Merkins
    N – No, Oh Nos
    P – Push-up Pimp Merkins (which are just merkins)
    W – WW2 Sit ups
    ‘ – Prime Time Merkins

    At the last moment, YHC added that designation to the Humpers, challenging anyone to pronounce the state fish of Hawaii. Pope nailed it immediately, completely demoralizing YHC. Mahalo, Disney.

    Because the number of letters is fewer, the number of reps would be higher. YHC loves to test the brainpower of the PAX, so I let everyone know that the number would be 49, and asked if anyone knew the significance of that number. Almost in unison, the PAX fell into my trap. “Because Hawaii is the 49th state.”
    No! No no no. Trick question! Hawaii is the 50th state, and we will do 50 reps of each.
    I can only assume these dudes are streaming “Hawaii 4-9” on WebFlix.

    Like Captain Cook, we circled 2 laps around the island between sets. Sometime during one of those laps, YHC had the epiphany that I had chosen a playlist of all covers, and WetTap fartsacked his Q yesterday, remaining under his covers. This beatdown would be dedicated to WetTap.

    The PAX impressively stuck together through the first 3 or 4 letters, then began to stretch into a greater distance between men. It was interesting to see how each of us had our strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness? I care too much.

    We ended with more music trivia, and the PAX performed well, racking up only 7 penalty burpees for missed answers. A final double-or-nothing question was offered and quickly accepted: “Who is the music playlist dedicated to, and why?”
    Goose almost nailed it (“because we covered his Q yesterday”). Actually, his logic was better than mine. Anyway, we did 10 burpees.

    COT
    FNG became who he was meant to be: Huffy.
    Rugby Jersey of Competitive Prowess bestowed upon Honeysuckle (anything to try and slow that man down)

    Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

    AB Sees: That sometimes you gotta rule wit one iron fist. ‘Specially when you might be wrong.
    Aftah da beatdown, my Apple Watch wen read 2.89 miles. One more lap around would give us all solid 3 miles.
    But had some controversy. Mo advanced running calculators worn by mo advanced runners wen show one lower mileage count. My argument: Everybody know Apple technology, while not da best, is mo common and accepted mo universally. So it wins. Kinda like [insert hated presidential candidate]. (See also: Yankee Jeaux’s iPhone conversion).
    Knowing I was up against bettah technology, YHC tried fo shut it down quick. “3 miles, I’m da Q.”

    History is written by da victors, so one final lap would give us 3 full miles.
    Naha stone drop.

    (true story: 5-year old AB talked like that, much to the dismay of his poor mother)

  • Always a Gunner – from Safety Valve

    YHC pulled up to scope things (and maybe come up with a beatdown idea) slightly earlier than usual. The air was thick and electric – the thunderstorm and lightening had YHC questioning if he should just turn around and say he overslept. Then he remembered that White Meat HC’d the night before. YHC couldn’t let a good chance go to waste to hurt that man again. In the wise words of our feathered leader, “we do not deserve to be comfortable.”

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    High knees (the real kind)
    Butt kicks
    Willy mays hays (very slow)
    mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry Pickers

    Thang

    With it being the last weekend of premier league soccer (YHC’s team is in the running for the title this year) and YHC’s first Saturday Q, playing some sort of soccer was on the docket. But first, some time had to be “wasted”. We moseyed over to the ED white stadium.

    1 mile run under 8 minutes was ordered – everyone complied and no dishonorable discharges had to be handed out. Dox and Honeysuckle led the group with around a 7 minute pace. There was some discontent in our little group of Ronnie, Goose, Pope, and YHC. Ronnie was helping to set our pace, but a backhanded compliment about being a good person to draft behind from Goose sent Ronnie into a new level. We finished with a 7:20 pace. White meat, Popeye and Wet tap were close one our heels.

    Next, the rules of our main event was explained. We would be playing soccer, with traditional soccer rules. No throwing the ball, no punting the ball. Just plain old soccer, using your feet. There would be 3 teams all playing at the same time with one ball. In essence each team had a goal to defend and two goals they could score on. Once a team was scored on, they would be out of the game and would have to do big boy sit ups until the last team was knocked out. If someone shot and missed the goal, that entire team had to do 3 burpees. Having three teams vs two added just the perfect amount of chaos that was needed to fulfill a F3 Saturday beatdown. Three separate games were played with a “halftime” show in between each game.

    Halftime show #1 – Tubchumper by Chumpawampa
    SSH for duration of song with burpee for every “I get knocked down..”

    Halftime show #2 – Stairway to heaven
    For the duration of the song: bearcrwal to 10 yardline and do 10 merkins and sprint back, bearcrawl to 20 yardline and do 20 merkins and sprint back, etc until the song was over. This wasn’t received well.

    Observations :
    #1 – Pope is athletic. I’m not sure he ever touched a soccer ball before, but he schooled most of us, including YHC.
    #2 – White meat has balled before – don’t let that innocent face convince you otherwise
    #3 – Goose is competitive, we know this. But, soccer is his weakness. I think it’s because he can’t just toss people over his shoulder in soccer. It’s frowned upon. File this away for another day.
    #4 – What Goose lacks in soccer skills though, he makes up for it in fatherhood. Seeing Duke literally give whatever he can to the group is amazing to watch. This 4 year old’s insight of the world is so advanced for his age. He felt like he wasn’t able to contribute to his team playing soccer since his Dad was trying to run him over, but he saw a need elsewhere. He became the best ball boy any soccer pitch has ever seen. T-claps for sure.
    #5 – YHC team was full of all-stars: Lil Cuz is a master shot stopper, his skills could only be compared to Wet tap playing ultimate frisbee. Popeye was the only level minded person on the field when he decided that just playing defense is the way – let the other two teams full of cavemen go after one another first. Brilliant! See #4 for Duke.

    We made it back to flag with 3 minutes to spare. YHC thought hard about ending the beatdown early, but once again, I couldn’t let White Meat down. We laid down in the mud puddles and completed 3 minutes of Mary. Announcements were made. The rugby jersey was handed from Lil Cuz to YHC – he must have appreciated the bearcrawl to heaven earlier. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out this morning and playing some weird sport that not many people are into. Always a pleasure to lead

  • Dangling Participles – from Honeysuckle

    YHC and 8 HIMs convened at the Den Where the Lion Once Was. Knowing that Achilles tendon injuries were soon to be on the rise due to the Thibodaux “Master Plan”, the warmup was slightly extended.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Mountain Climbers, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Self Love

    As we’re in the middle of the May Challenge, YHC decided to spend most of the beatdown rehashing the types of things we’ve been doing to get points. Today, it would be mainly mileage, merkins, and big boy situps.

    Thang 1:

    To get the ball rolling, we began with cheddar shreddar. Some of the PAX remembered this one, others didn’t, but what YHC didn’t remember is how challenging it is. The PAX lined up in plank position shoulder to shoulder, and the PAX at the far left would move to become face to face with the PAX to his right and say “down” as they both do a merkin together.
    Then everything shifts one to the right, sort of like a conveyor belt. At the end, run to the edge of the parking lot and back only to do the cheddar shreddar again.

    To get the “silent retreat beatdown” effect, YHC suggested that maybe we didn’t need to say “down” depending on the connection felt with the PAX you’re lined up with. What resulted instead was some extremely exaggerated and loud “down!”s as different PAX felt emboldened to let out pent-up frustration and disappointment with certain of their fellow PAX.

    Thang 2:

    To continue with the merkins, a ladder exercise was to be performed starting with 5 merkins at the fresh concrete square, run to the back of the civic center to do 5 BBSs, run back to the square to do 10 merkins, and so on, until the round of 25 merkins and 25 BBSs were completed. The PAX were instructed to stay together until everyone was finished. YHC took a little too long getting those 25 BBSs and only Pope stayed behind. To the other 7 PAX, YHC would like to say, “DOWN!!”

    Thang 3:

    In the spirit of rehashing, YHC reprised the “name the thing these two songs have in common” game with “Small Town” (John Cougar Mellancamp) and “Live and Let Die” (Paul McCartney and the Wings). For the first song, hold Al Gore and every mention of “Small Town” was a jump squat or Bobby Hurley. For the second song, squats during the slow part, SSHs during the fast part, and high knees during the other part. Oh, what was the common thread to which I was referring to? It reminds me of a joke.

    A visitor from Homer at Harvard on the Bayou (Cardinal tells me I may get sued for saying that) had gotten lost looking for the building once famous for simultaneously housing the culinary school and the biology department. Upon noticing a dapper marketing professor and asked him, “Sir, where is Gouaux hall at?” Looking up from his new iPhone, the professor said, “Here at Harvard on the Bayou, we don’t end sentences with a preposition.” The Homerian native, whose chatter ability was surpassed only by his sarcasm prowess, responded, “Sir, you just did.”

    Or something like that. You may have heard another version. I cannot forget from where it is that I come FROM. This ever-changing world in which we live IN. A chickfila pops up, an ALDI pops up, and the Lion is gone.

    Thang 4:

    In the limited remaining time, the PAX attempted to descend the latter of Thang 3, starting with 25 each. We made it through 15 merkins and then ran the rest of the time to end up with 2 miles as the clock struck 6.

    Announcements/Intentions. Good luck to YJ. May you destroy your defense as well as you destroyed the wood in the expansion joints this morning. Safety Valve prayed us out.
    Kudos to the fasters. The PAX continue to inspire YHC with not only physical prowess but dedication in these other areas. It was a pleasure to Q this morning.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • I Don’t Take Requests – from America’s Best

    Let’s get right to it.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Self love
    Mountain climbers
    William Mays Hayes Jr, Esquire (slow Willie Mays Hayes, unknowingly developed by Safety Valve 24 hours earlier)

    At this point in our warmarama, a figure quietly (as if on hybrid power) appears out of the gloom. Ambling up, confused, perhaps lost, the mysterious man speaks: “Is this the F6 Catalina Wine Mixer?”
    And so we added some more celebratory side-straddle hops to welcome YJ.

    First Thang:
    Indigenous Peoples Run – starting with pretty annoying music.
    Trivia for merkins: the song was too easily identified as “Bad Boys” from Cops, so the level 2 questions were activated: nobody knew the year the show premiered (1989) or the artist (Inner Circle). Honeysuckle knew the tangent trivia that Gloria Estefan sang “Bad Boy,” and of course Enron nailed the movie trivia (Will Smith and Martin Lawrence). 10 merkin reward.

    Stop 2
    Popeye knows his CHiPs, answering the first two questions here. Honeysuckle called out the band 7Mary3 (LL cred). The next question drew a pause (“is this a trick question?”) before a few PAX answered that 7Mary3 originated at W&M. No merkins.

    Stop 3
    Apparently this new guy (or is he a downranger?) YankeeJeaux likes dags. You like dags? He even knew Turner and Hooch. 10 merkins because nobody knew about the Beagle Brigade or the Jim Belishi garbage movie K-9.

    Stop 4
    Giveaway question: who sings this song?
    Impossible question: name 2 band members in the Police.
    Since everyone only knows Sting, what instrument did Sting play? Honeysuckle immediately, confidently answered “bass”.
    And speaking of sting? The final question:
    In 1999, both of 47 year-old skydiver Joan Murray’s parachutes failed, and she plunged 14,500 ft, striking the ground at 80 mph, but survived due to hundreds of stings of what wingless wasp relative?
    The takeaway here is that fire ants sting, not bite.

    Next Thang: You can do it!
    The song: “Can’t Stand Losing You”
    The work: Thrusters, with a curl for every “can’t”. We maybe did twice as many curls as thrusters. The Police really know how to drive a point home using that repetition.

    Edit: during this, somehow Honeysuckle came up with another member of the Police: “Andy Summers.” No word on which satellite beams music trivia to his brain, but the delay has been reported and someone at NASA has been fired.)

    Thang 3:
    YHC had formulated a Dora that was all points (Merkins, Curls, BBS), but that was scrapped for several reasons:
    1. Safety Valve ran the same Dora yesterday.
    2. 300 BBS yesterday led to abrasions on the area I believe the Jerky Boys referred to as the “ass-neck.”
    3. BBS and curls are only half-points.
    And so the Dora would be 200 merkins, followed by . . . 200 merkins.
    Two songs on repeat would direct the partner: during song one (Walking on the Moon), lunge walk, with a jump squat on each ”walking.” During song 2 (“Canary in a Coal Mine”), partner runs a lap. Wasn’t thinking about another trigger for this, but since Dox asked (“ooo! Miss Bliss, you forgot to give us homework!”), there would be a burpee on “canary.”

    All was running very smoothly…. Until Paradox tried to make a request? Now this beatdown was obviously inspired by the Exicon listing for “Roxanne.” But YHC always thought that using that song was a bit superficial, and maybe lazy, because The Police have so so so so so so many repetitive songs. I thought we could go deeper.
    So when Dox wanted to hear “Roxanne” YHC first thought “ok, you asked for it,” and considered it… but then YHC remembered:
    I don’t take requests.
    And I’d cataloged a few more Police songs with triggers, so instead we would get to hear the very appropriate “King of Pain” while we held our feet six inches and raised them up on every “soul” and “king of pain.”

    That left us with just enough time for a bit of Mary, and Jankee Jeaux quickly calculated that we had about 25 BBS of time left. We completed them during “Driven to Tears,” an Opus to the cloud of stank rained down upon YHC by YJ only moments earlier.

    COT and Dox prayed us out.

    Always an honor and a pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Family Feud – from Paradox

    You wake up on your couch, heart pounding as you brush off the Panera crust of last nights dinner. You turn off the 10th Dr Phil rerun and make a mental note to cool it on the charger lemonades. That familiar ill feeling falls over you as you realize you are late for work and truly in deep water because your incompetent, angry, micromanaging boss will surely make another passive aggressive comment that you have too many kids. One peek out the window and it looks like a ThunderTsumamiNado is brewing. You rush to the bathroom only to realize you are out of Old Spice but luckily there is puréed banana in the fridge for just such an occasion. You hustle out to your ole lemon of a truck. The inside smells like limes and regret. You mosey on into work avoiding the burps and curls of Thibodaux traffic. Stopped at a red light on canal, you can’t believe your eyes. Your beloved lion statue at the civic center is gone. A tough pill to swallow, seeing them pave paradise and put up a parking cawn! You are already composing the email to the authorities in your head as you pull into work. This won’t end without a Feud…heyyy what’s that beeping noise…

    You awake a second time.
    In your cozy fartsack.
    Alarm says 4:50am.
    It’s time for another beatdown.
    Whewwww, just a bad dream
    You can’t wait to get to the den and stretch your calves on that perfect 75 degree angle….

    Duke !! Wake up !
    Survey says it’s time for a last minute game show beatdown !
    Roll that beautiful footage and make sure it’s on the 1992 rolltop tv/vcr !

    Warmup
    Usuals with some serious groans of the chesticle region. Mostly done in silence as we all contemplated the loss of our lion friend and his mystery flags. Was this a targeted attack? Is there something bigger/better coming as payment for our 45 minutes/week of extra park security? And most importantly, just where in the heck are we supposed to do our pre beatdown loitering?!

    YHC led the pax in a coupon mosey drop off then transitioned into an Indian run 3 burp drop to warm the carburetors.

    Back to the …cawns (single tear) ..and YHC unveiled today would be about f3 family unity.
    Ya see F3 Thib has a long and bloody history of schisms…a few highlights from our timeline :

    1.) how to say “pirogue”
    -Early Goose Era

    Status : unsettled , please don’t ask Cardinal unless you want a homily about Acadian history.

    2.) The fitness tracker wars
    -late year 2 growth spurt era

    Status : stalemate , many casualties

    3.) The BlueTooth Conflict
    -Anker Dominant era

    Status : still healing after the death of Anker

    And the most recent blood feud may top them all …

    4.) The Earls of Sandwich
    – Rienzi Awakening Era

    Status : Some of the hottest takes about sub shops you can imagine.

    That’s just a taste of the major conflicts and so today we honor the bickering of brothers that can always be overpowered by the unity of the 3 Fs. At the end of the day we can agree to disagree and when the chatter gets unbearable …well has YHC told you about double Merkin burpees yet?

    Da Thang

    “We are family”
    IW on song
    Double Merkin Burpee on “Family” and “Sister”

    -Standard issue with AB immediately guessing Sister Sledge as the artist for 30 seconds off and later Pope guessed 1979 as the year of release for another 30 second discount.

    Mosey to Stairs for…

    F3 Family Feud

    Rules:
    Split teams
    Each team has a marker board and a designated writer.
    Given a family feud style topic that was allegedly from a “random” 100 Americans survey.

    The team must list top 3 answers and the order while running a lap around the civic center. They stop half way for 15 curls of a coupon and other curled lips of aggressive intimidation.

    Highest points wins the round.

    Winner – 10 merkins
    Loser – 10 burpees
    Tiebreak – 4, 5, 6th on list

    YHC would serve as host and journalist to report the team dynamics for the historians.

    Round 1
    Bad Qualities of a boss
    Answers:
    1. micromanagement
    2. Incompetence
    3. Angry

    Team 1 rolled out strong with Popeye clearly having some bad boss history to get off his chest . (“You sure lazy isn’t in there dox?” )
    Pope was established as the team writer since he can run 7 min miles in his sleep. He also sprinkled in some timely order changes.

    Team 1 was the victor
    Team 2 felt the sting of burpees and began the rally.

    Round 2
    You’re in deep (blank)

    Answer
    1. Doo-doo
    2. Trouble
    3. Water

    There’s a few topics you just can’t beat Goose on, the top 2 being Theology and Poop. He led his team to victory here correctly placing doo doo as number 1 and a full sweep of correct placements Team 2 handed out the burpees.

    Round 3
    Rhymes with “Will” associated with doctors.

    Answers:
    1.Bill
    2.Pill
    3.Ill

    YHC had to jog in silence as the doctor bashing began. Both teams correctly guess the qualities of this money grubbing profession and it was a Tie.
    YHC awarded the W to team 2 for the creativity of Dr Phil.

    **Wet Tap continued to lecture that some people consider burpees a win. It was looked upon in disgust by all.

    Round 4
    A wrestler named after a weather condition.

    Answer:
    1.) Tornado
    2.) Storm
    3.) Thunder

    Great debate here as our geographical anxieties put Hurricane in the forefront of the minds of both teams. Another tie and Lil cuz is watching Nacho Libre as we speak.

    Round 5 – The grand Fruitnale

    What fruit would you select if you were out of deodorant ?

    Answers:
    1.) Orange
    2.) Lemon/lime
    3.) Apple

    This one seemed to launch the greatest chatter and performed well when beta tested with YHCs family. Ronnie got off to a great debate on texture vs. smell and clearly preferred bananas. Popeye seemed to have no issue with his own body odor and considers society would better off without deodorant.
    Over in group 2 Gooses overindulgence of the Old Spice led to his prescience abilities. His eyes went blue and he was on the hunt for top rated citrus.
    Lil Cuz kept saying weird stuff about papaya but Everyone else just did their curls and lost the appetites for fruit all together.

    Group 2 edged out a win

    Shortened Mary with holding of 6 inches and leg raises.

    Intentions for families going through difficult times and graduating seniors.

    COT and Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.

    The Doxicology Report

    Many times you will hear a similar proclamation about F3 from guys across the nation. “It’s something I didn’t know I was missing but instantly knew I needed”. In the last few years I’ve continued to see the accuracy of this statement and it still remains difficult to quantify or even explain fully what God provides through this group. One aspect that is clear to me is that it fosters relationships where you can safely bring an opinion you know others may disagree with. This can be uncomfortable but it can also be a great opportunity to trust God in humility and to listen more than you yap. (Really tough one for yours truly )

    Whether it’s sandwich wars , Cajun dialect discussions or deeper matters YHC is grateful for a group where you can state your opinion , potentially change it based on something new and at the very least do ridiculous exercises until you forget what the issue was.

    In F3 Thib it ain’t a family without a little feuding and I reckon I’d be in deep doo doo without you fellers.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Destination Paradise? That’ll be 2 tickets, sir. – from Popeye

    Opener:
    Fun fact: the average weight of a “standard” brick is 4.40lbs.
    Funner fact: the average weight of a brick from YHC’s house is 5.25lbs.
    Talk about standards…

    Intro:
    YHC was frozen upon the late realization that his original vision for a Tuesday Tuff beatdown wouldn’t work; mother goose doled out such a ration of pain on the 5 poor PAX on Monday that the thought of more merks and coupon work almost made me wince.
    Instead, YHC smirked and realized I had a special secret to share with the tribe: tickets.

    No, Jeaux! Not the kind of tickets that you firemen take from the proletariat whilst slinging trashburgers and soggy fries at the fair, the kind of tickets that bring men to greatness. I’m talking about the kind of tickets (2) that might just get you to paradise…. For 45 minutes anyway.

    YHC shared with the PAX that for the past six years while assigned to New Orleans, I would frequently run along the river to the ruins of the Market Street power plant and work out on my own there with bricks. I called it the brickyard (super original, I know) and nobody would go with me. Working out there on my own was my zen, a (probably not) safe space where I could thrash myself under the curious gaze of the zombies and day walkers who lurked about the ruins. Special place, the only thing I think I’ll miss about working in the city.

    WU1 – The usual:
    SSH, Imp Walkers, Willie Mays, Slow Hi-knees, Arm Circle mix

    WU2 – The unusual:
    SSH w/tickets, Imp Walkers w/tickets, Willie Mays w/tickets, Slow Hi-knees w/tickets. Rare show of mercy on the arm circle mix.

    Musical complement:
    The PAX performed mountain climbers atop their tickets, and executed flawless shoulder-tap ticket merkins on each “waiting so long” and mention of “tickets” while enjoying “Two Tickets To Paradise” by the legendary Eddie Money. 22 points brah!
    This was hard, just ask Cardinal.

    ~ Ticket Mosey to Rich Man’s Loop ~

    Main event:
    The good news: We’d walk one lap – with tickets.
    The not so good news: after each quarter of the loop with tickets, we’d mosey ticket-free around the rest of the loop and progressively work around.
    1st Leg: Rocky tickets (punches).
    Lap
    2nd Leg: Curls till tired, then overhead press.
    Lap
    3rd Leg: Tricep extensions.
    Lap
    4th Leg: Side extensions and front extensions.
    Lap

    The PAX (really just AB) was grumbling about being at 2.5 miles in and something about points, so we returned to the flag to ditch tickets and then carried on to close out 3 miles.
    It’s the frickin’ Cleveland Wine Mixer May Chalenge after all, no points should be left in the table.

    Time elapsed, 1:45 over.

    COT, Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the solid showing and enjoying two tickets in the gloom. Always enjoy pushing myself and sharing the growth that only comes through deliberate discomfort with you men.

    Now I’m off to email YETI to see if they can make a bigger bucket to carry tickets.

    SYITG

  • Gifts – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Peltch on his last day of 35 with a song in his heart and some gifts for the pax. On Tuesday YHC had been gifted with the wealth of Fort Knox and now it was time to give back. This day would be about honoring the diverse group of Thib pax and the gifts they bring to all of us. So YHC put together a birthday bucket list of destinations to honor each group .

    DUKE! theres too many candles, get out of here, its gonna blowwww!

    Warmup

    36 SSH and heavy shoulder work to prep the coupon party.

    Great to have Toeloop out to work. Sorry you showed up for day 1 of the Dox cardio revenge tour but if your eye doctor calls out a lack of cardio it puts retaliation in the drinking water and YHC got thirsty.

    Black Snake Indian run to Thunderdome

    Warmup Song

    “I’ve Been Everywhere Man ”

    Johnny Cash

    Plank

    Mountain Climbers on Cities/States

    Plank Jacks on Everywhere

    Merkins on Man

    We successfully located Shreveport And Ferriday as LA cities in the chorus and Goose prolly has some friends in a DC circle in Winnamucca or maybe thats Opelika, maybe both.

    Da Main Thang- Travel the Bucket List

    These are setup as a series of “Amazing Races” and followed by the group they were dedicated to.

    1. } Egypt – the Great Pyramid of Geezers

    -Dedicated to our aged pax. YHC draws inspiration that we aren’t going to be physical dried up bags after we turn 36. I mean our “older” guys are absolute studs and it’s a gift to see y’all reverse Father Time every beatdown.

    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 cawn setup

    Split into two groups , Opposite sides , Bearcrawl – Burpee with increase at each cawn.

    Goose and ladybug were team 36 north and one thing you want to avoid is lining up intentional contact with Goose as he bearcrawls his way to freedom like Andy Dufrene. Valve is still taking ibuprofen as we speak.

    2.) Stone Henge
    Dedication to the Clydesdales.
    Power over finesse , these pax make the coupon look like tea cups.

    P1 Thrusters

    P2 curls

    P3 broad jump burpee to cone and back

    3.) Great Barrier Reef

    Dedicated this one for the creativity of our pax. With a lot of confidence I can attest that our gang is one of the most creative in F3nation. The quality beatdown/backblast combos consistently produced are amazing and every time a flag is planted it’s a good time.

    P1 Pick an exericse on the exercise machine tree by the chimney. Been itching to try this thing for years.

    P2 Flutter Kicks

    P3 suicide

    To baseball field

    4.)HobbitTown

    Dedicated to the Chatter and the Fellowship. While YHC has never been much of a loaner , the quality and depth of fellowship with you men has meant so much. Standing side by side in good times and bad , this fellowship aspect has been a game-changer.

    3 man Hobbit Carry
    P1 drags P2
    P3 does 5 burpees then runs to relieve p1 until around the bases.

    To pull up bars

    5) the beauty hike a volcano in Hawaii …just kidding this one is dedicated to the colon cleansers (YHC included)

    p1 mountain Climbers

    P2 run to top of volcano

    P3 burp ups

    Back to Stone Henge for the finale

    6.) the Faith

    Rome – Vatican City

    Dedicated to the mysteries of our Faith and What God provides to sustain us through tribulation.

    P1 genuflections

    P2 heels to heaven

    P3 Carry the burden – coupon lunge walk

    Sprint back to flag for COT and Goose prayed us out.

    Men , I started F3 at 33 years old and have been floored by what God has provided through this group in the last 3 years of my life. As stated above I know no other way to describe it than a gift.

    Thank you for showing up , for your effort and for standing in the fire with me when things get tough.

    SYITG

    Devin Owens, Paradox, Thirtyyyy Five and holding

  • Basketball Jones 2: Popeye Wanted Coupons – from Paradox

    “I’ve seen this disease process before” YHC sighed as he looked through the window at the man across his street. He was shooting free throw after free throw in his driveway , darting to get rebounds and boxing out his young children. They never stood a chance. Had he left cataracts on the table to come home and work on his game? The world may never know. YHC wasn’t sure how advanced the affliction was and emergent consult was needed.

    “Yup, seen this one hundreds of times , You have to treat it before it progresses“ YHCs M (who finished much higher in her respective med school class than YHC ) reported, as we watched him miss layup after layup while the sun faded over St Johns Place.

    She looked at YHC with concern and understanding …

    “You know there’s only one cure for the Basketball Jones…”

    Duke!! Stop practicing your sky hook and roll the beautiful footage!

    8 ballers strong at the Den today. YHC put out the late bat signal for a few bballs and these guys never disappoint. The Den has previously produced some deep magic (shoes/no shoes) and two separate light up basketballs from two distinct houses on a day when the lights are out on the court?! The amazingness only added to the divine mystique of the Den providing what the pax need for that days beatdown.

    Standard Warmup with Ronnie reminding YHC of his flag duties , midway through and a seamless transition setting them up. Further contributing to YHC’s theory that it will take 7-8 of us to accomplish what Goose has done alone for years. ( Dont worry , We’ll edit this out for Gooses ego later)

    Coupon Indian Run with 3 OHP drop off.

    Continues to be a crowd pleaser and chatter killer.

    At the court we confirmed we would play in the dark and I set my mind to work on investigating which eye care provider sabotaged the lights for more referrals. YHC is slowly learning the Thibodaux Eye Mafia is nothing to mess with.

    We accepted the darkness would mold us and The BBJ veterans knew there’s only one proper way to start this party…

    SONG : Basketball Jones

    Cheech and Chong version

    Hold coupon OHP with high knees

    “Basketball” is a Thruster

    OR

    Al Gore with Bobby Hurley on “basketball “.

    YHC had planned to give the pax an option of a made free throw that would save us from thrusters.

    AB got off to a hot start in his sandbagging by pretending to have never seen a basketball in his entire 48 years. Unfortunately EnValve followed suit and ya know what …why don’t we just enjoy the song. It’s a lovely , politically correct song after all.

    Next up :

    “Around the World”

    Increasing Bobby Hurleys on corners. 1-11 (in honor of our favorite Duke Alum, Mr Bobby Hurley. He was #11)
    At corner 4/ Thruster Station (reps #4, 8, 10, 6, 2)

    You can do regular scheduled reps OR go double or nothing.

    Make your free throw and you can skip your thrusters , miss your free throw and do double reps.

    Transport:

    Run -side shuffle -Nur

    This is where AB took off his Scooby Doo villain mask and revealed he was actually there to teach a dadgum free throw seminar. Honeysuckle gave him a good run but AB edged him out to win the race and listen to a few seconds of planked up Hit Team while the less fortunate pax finished. The “Cardinal phenomenon” continues to amaze me. When a man is placed between thrusters or relative comfort his body will produce unimaginable athleticism. (Or in cardinals case , Star Wars trivia)

    Da Main Event

    Putout/Gotcha/Lightning

    Standard rules

    One time only Buy back in 20 thrusters

    When out -mosey around the court perimeter

    SSH in line

    YHC continues to get a D minus in the “game explanation” category of beatdown construction and some pax thought they had multiple buy ins. When the confusion cleared and the riff raff took the penalty run it was Ronnie, AB and YHC to duke it out. Ronnie was only a few thrusters away from return when AB ended it with a timely layup. When the History books of F3 Thibodaux are written please make sure AB is in the top rankings for Sandbag Performance of 2024.

    Space Jam Finisher

    Suicides on song and None other than Bobby Hurleys on Jam.

    A wobbly legged Coupon Indian Run back to Flags.

    Push-up Pimp awarded to the Best of America for honoring the vocation with his good form and his sly dog tactics.

    Announcements: Saturday is open? May challenge is upon us.

    Prayer Intentions for retreatants, travelers.

    COT and Suckle prayed us out

    Epilogue :

    They met that evening again at the Basketball Jones Recovery Center to observe their patient through the window.

    Did the treatment take ? Was the cardio dose high enough? We would know shortly.

    Across the street, Right on cue , the patient stepped out of the Platinum Falcon and picked up a basketball .

    He held it for a few seconds remembering the scars then lined up a deep 3.

    Nothing but net.

    He left the ball to roll in the street and joined his kids on a bike ride.

    “Another case cured “ my wife whispered.

    I nodded and wiped a single tear.

    “Some men just need the space ya know ….the Space to Jam”

    SYITG

  • Don’t Bleepin’ Test Me Bro – from Piccadilly

    YHC feels a change is on the horizon and thought he would cash in on a long overdue Q session. As I arrived 5 minutes early for a change, Enron had beat me to the starting area due to what I’d assume a bad night sleep.

    The rest of the pax arrived and we began…

    Warm O Rama: ssh, Willie’s, mountain climbers, imperial walkers, self love…suddenly America’s Best appears, arm circles, cherry pickers…

    Warm up Indian run mosey around the track until everyone ran to the front one time then off to …

    THANG1

    The Bleep Test

    2 cones were set apart approximately 65 feet and the bleeps began. On first bleep, run to the next cone before the second bleep. Every so many rounds the window between bleeps gets shorter. If you don’t make it to second cone before second bleep, you fail, bye bye. After 2 fails based on the honor system, you’re out.
    Do ssh or air squats while watching rest of pax run and gasp for air…
    It was hard and highlighted my lack of fitness.
    Somehow the age before youth outlasted the lad and Honeysuckle prevailed over pope.

    THANG2

    7s

    Classic 7s starting with 6 burpees at first cone. Run to second cone and do 1 BBS. Complete til 1 burpee and 6 BBS.

    THANG3

    The Bleep Test

    It wasn’t any easier but maybe a bit harder. We, well not me but they, may have made it to round 7 in thang 1, but in thang 2 suckle and pope got to round 5 or 6. Honeysuckle prevails again. This dudes an animal.

    THANG 4

    7s : start with 6 ssh and 1 Bobby Hurley, complete til 1 ssh and 6 Bobby’s
    Then complete 50 merkins and 25 BBS on your own.

    With about 10 mins to 6 AM, we moseyed back to the flag and completed a casual Indian run around the big loop reminiscing about buttermilk biscuits and sir mix a lot.

    Maybe next time gents…we’ll cook up some pancakes.

    COT and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks fellas for digging deep with me this morning. Always a blessing and a privilege to sweat amongst you PAX.

    -Dilly