F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Mad Pax: Fury Road Trip – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux Police Blotter: October 1, 2022
    Officer ParaDox reporting on duty

    6:30 am Called to the scene for suspicious activity at Peltier Park for 3 men and a wild Coyote rolling dice around a shovel flag. These men were all recognized as repeat offenders, there criminal profiles noted below:

    The Ringleader: noted for organized workouts in the region dating back to 2020, he leads a tough gang with iron will and burpees. Rumored to have 20-25 offspring. His authority was questioned…once.

    The Barefoot one: 200 lbs of muscle, he is clearly the enforcer of the gang.
    XL mudgear shorts so his quads don’t rip the seams. That wayyyyyy down the bayou DNA keeps his cardiac output ready for live action at any moment.

    The Redneck Idiot: unsure of his role in the gang, a gangly NorthLa transpant that prefers tight shorts and neon garments. Usually runs interference by mispronouncing words and mumbled speech.

    Wild Coyote: an actual feral coyote the gang uses for intimidation to rival gangs.

    6:37 am Authorities alerted that the gang picked up a late arrival, suspect in a red Southern pipe hat goes by the call signal Goats. Rumored to have an “off the grid” bunker in deep Thibodaux with enough livestock for the whole gang.

    6:42 am Suspects in question noted packing cinderblocks into an unmarked white van by planking and squat thrusting.

    6:50 am: Suspects reported by local gas station attendant. While one suspect pumped the gas, the other sprinted into the store for snacks. They continued to mercilessly gamble in the parking lot , hollering “20 merks” and “5 lbcs”. Clearly, organized crime lingo. 200 reps were pumped before they fled the scene.

    7:01 am: Civilian call outside an interstate in Texas noted that several men in unmarked white van were seen sprinting to a ditch then doing several squats. They were overheard chastising each other due to a gas station purchase of fish sticks from the vending machine.

    7:10 am News helicopter in Arizona picked up footage of the white van stuck in traffic. Suspects spent this down time disturbing the peace with hang burpees and blasting John Wallers “While Im Waiting”. 20 burpees were recorded for Project Burptober.

    7:15 am After getting jammed up for a traffic violation the white van entered a high speed chase. The gang deployed a deadly Ring of Fire maneuver for 2 rounds. Bearcrawling with merkins followed by lunges and squats were just enough to evade capture for most of the gang. Unfortunately, their beloved Goats was struck by a stray bullet of mysterious cramps. He stayed behind to take the heat for the gang in true hero fashion. “Take care of my chickens” he cried as they placed him in cuffs.

    7:20 am Following the Ring of fire dust up there were scattered reports of gang activity in Talahasee, Fl, Santa Fe, New Mexico and Bismark, North Dakota. These criminals clearly leveraged their children’s knowledge of state capitals for secondary gain.

    7:29 am The gang was last reported half moseying/half limping and carrying cinderblocks, a wifi speaker and a few cones near Thibodaux.
    After a prayer together they faded into the gloom.
    This is where the trail went cold. The suspects remain at large.

    If you have information about these HIMs please come forward to the F3 authorities at the Stage on Monday at 5:30. They will be brought to justice.

    SYITG

    Officer Pdox

    RIP GOATS
    Gone but not forgotten

  • When Love Turns Violent – from Goose

    Five sore PAX and and FNG gathered in the gloom this morning to douse themselves in bug spray and uncover the “great plans” YHC had sneakily advertised the night before. After a warmup of the usual with some added hillbillies, mountain climbers, and requested grass grabbers to work out the soreness, YHC led a mosey to the start of Rich Man’s Loop (phone in hand).

    Thang 1: What’s in a Name?
    Today, Catholics celebrate the feast of the Holy Name of Mary, a chance to rejoice in the ways God showers blessings on those whom He chooses to take part in His saving work on earth. Mostly as a way to get a good many sprints in, YHC had a list of the many titles that have been given to Mary over the centuries, and the PAX had to fill in the blanks correctly or sprint to the next light post. If they got it right, it was only a mosey. YHC knew that Cardinal was on vacation, so the chances of success were low, but the PAX did surprisingly well, even those who didn’t grow up Catholic, so it really didn’t get rough until the last few posts. Yet another example of how imminent pain will jog even the most remote corners of the memory.

    Thang 2: More Enculturation
    In a repeat of last week’s structure, YHC introduced two more songs to the uncultured PAX. The first was another Irish shanty, this time about chemical plant workers, “The Chemical Workers Song,” by Great Big Sea. Plank for the duration, and merkins for every “Go”.
    The second was yet another ridiculous spoof (to follow last week’s “I Wanna Marry the Troops”), this time reaching back to some of the roots of spoof in the 70’s–we went with “Happy Boy” by the Beat Farmers, an absolutely ridiculous song that may have later set the tone for Weird Al’s career. Six-inch hold for the duration with knee tucks on every “Happy Boy”.

    Thang 2: F3 Poker
    While the PAX recovered from the brain numbing song, YHC retrieved the Deck of Death and then dealt 5 cards to each PAX. 2’s and Jokers were wild, which meant Paradox held four Jacks (including two Jokers), so his hand dictated the next 15 minutes or so of exercises. YHC decided to allow each of the Jokers to be something a little out there, so the first was 10 power merkins (partners perpendicular with partner 1’s feet on partner 2’s back). Both completed 10 merkins in unison then flapjacked.
    For the second Joker, YHC pulled out an old favorite, the Tunnel of Love. We were shocked when Paradox said he’d never done it–YHC assumed the FNG and maybe Montana would get a kick of doing it for the first time, but surely Paradox had done it before. But, his lack of experience was proven when, as YHC was recovering after all PAX had passed through the tunnel, he tried to go through again, only to receive a solid knee to the temple, UFC style. The sickening smack silenced the PAX for a brief moment, and then Goats instinctively popped up the concussion tent and asked him what his wife’s middle name was. He didn’t know, but he assured us that he’s a medical professional, he spent 10 years in school, his wife’s a doctor too, and he’s fine. So, on to the second hand.
    Goats blew away the competition with a royal straight, which started us with 25 burpees–a nice touch after the Iron Pax Challenge just a couple of days ago. YHC doesn’t remember much about what followed, just that 6:15 couldn’t get there fast enough. It did get there, though, before we could finish the hand, so all promised to do 25 dips in the car on the way home.

    Name-off (welcome Lil’ Cuz! Heck of a first workout!!), COT, and Goats prayed us out.
    It’s an honor to be part of such an awesome group of men.
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Just Wait Until This Year – from Yankee Joe

    A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.

    Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.

    By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.

    High Country Chatter:

    – Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
    – Bosé up in this piece
    – Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
    – Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
    – Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
    – Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
    – Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
    – Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.

    Warmarma:
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Wrist circles
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Arm stretches
    Imperial walkers
    Grass grabbers
    Mosie

    Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
    – Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat

    Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)

    Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.

    Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
    – 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)

    Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.

    Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
    – Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
    – P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
    – Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
    – Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.

    Painful Reflections Playlist:
    Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)

    Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)

    Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
    – Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
    – BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
    – Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
    – Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)

    Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.

    359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.

    I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Circle of Life by Yankee Joe – from Goose

    The Circle of Life

    Recently, after acquiring his first set of progressive eyeglasses (let’s be honest…they’re trifocals), YHC had been reflecting heavily on his life journey thus far. In keeping with the melodramatic pondering that is called a “mid-life crisis,” YHC called on the wisdom of Mike Tyson.

    While exploring the pivotal issues of his day, Iron Mike once observed, “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.”

    Indeed, Michael, indeed.

    But what does this have to do with the Circle of Life? Just this…when you find yourself at the pinnacle of your life’s AS-cent, you are only moments away from biting ears and solving Scooby-Doo style mysteries on Adult Swim.

    In the depths of this brooding, the miniature Yankee Joe’s discovered “The Lion King” (the original version, of course…because I’m not a monster!) That broke YHC out of his funk and led to a more light-hearted backdrop to an otherwise dark beatdown.

    After doing a practice runthrough of said beatdown, YHC decided that cinder block coupons were not…well…safe. Thus, YHC showed up with 5 gallon jugs of water (albeit useless) handles. Paradox would later point out that there was a “sneaky psychological angle” in wanting desperately to drink the water. He did not, however, voice this concern during the beatdown as that would almost certainly be considered high-country mumblechatter. I digress.

    Notable Mentions:

    – Montana back in action. A drug dealer with tinted windows just makes this better.
    – Cardinal continues to dominate bear crawls in ways that YHC simply cannot understand and can only aspire to achieve.
    – A peace offering in which Paradox (chief lobbyist for JBL) chose to support Bosé in an awkward moment
    – Goose=Beast
    – Enron asked YHC to be his partner for the St. Vincent’s 500. YHC said yes.

    6 PAX at the Stage

    Warm-up:
    The usual suspects with some – apparently very challenging – wrist circles, then mosey around the track.

    Thang 1: Young and Hopeful

    – Absolutions (Groiner, Mahktar N’ Diayes, and Chilly Jack, done on an 8-count cadence); As always, thanks to Goose for maintaining the sanctity of the proper Exicon terminology
    – On the concrete; OYO for the duration of “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” (3 min.)
    – Real men should be able to complete 34ish reps. YHC is not a real man.

    Thang 2: You must crawl before you walk…or for that matter, before you do lunges with coupons

    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); army crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); zombie crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); bear crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); lunges back to start; 5 big boys
    – High skips WITH coupon, 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); high skips back to start; 5 big boys
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); 5 big boys

    Thang 3: In Your Prime
    – For the duration of Hakuna Matata (3 min, 33 sec)
    – With coupon, continuing step ups on ledge in stage pavillion, alternating legs
    – With coupon, 5 squats on every Hakuna Matata

    Thang 4: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return” Gen 3:19

    Reverse Thang 2
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 5 calf jumps; 5 superman raises
    – High skips WITH coupon, 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises

    Mary’s…kinda sorta

    – WITH coupon; Assortment of what began as four ab exercises for the duration of “Circle of Life” (4 min), alternating randomly at the discretion of the Q.
    – WWII sit-ups, big boys, flutter kicks holding coupon high, obliques
    – At some point, Enron decided to point out that YHC was not transitioning in the order that it was explained. YHC then added superman raises (with coupon) and American hammers. Enron then further rebelled by not doing superman raises because he allegedly had no skin on his left knee from army crawls.

    As YHC continues to learn the ways of the Force, he must become better at explaining thangs and keeping up with Goose.

    Gents, thanks for keeping YHC in his Prime and out of the fart sack.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • Scout it Out – from Goose

    YHC knew that in order for this particular beatdown to work, there would have to be more than just a couple of PAX in attendance, and they did not disappoint. Four was the magical number, and after a warmup of the usual, YHC led a mosey to the beginning of Rich Man’s Loop to reveal the rules of the expedition.
    While three PAX stayed put at each street light completing a given exercise AMRAP, a lone scout would sprint to the next light and back to let us know if the coast was clear (thankfully, it always was). Once the path was scouted, all PAX moseyed to the next light, and the next man up scouted while the rest pounded it out. Exercises included (but weren’t limited to: diamond merkins, jump squats, big boys, side lunges, werkins, leg raises, star jumps, gas pumps, burpees, shoulder tap merkins, mountain climbers, and others adding up to about 20 total street lights.
    Upon return, a couple of ten counts were wanted, and then the deck of death was unsheathed and shuffled. Poker was so much fun on Saturday that YHC decided to give it another go. Largest hand wins, and all exercises in that hand are completed. YHC took the first hand with triple two’s, which might sound easy, there are no easy cards in the deck of death. There are some stupid hard ones, though; every time I open the box I say a prayer that the 400m sprint remains untouched.
    Then, it was Deal or No Deal: each PAX pulled a card and could decide if we did that exercise or pulled the next one. If a second was pulled, there was no going back to the first, so it was always a gamble. No 400m sprints were chosen, so all else seemed a merciful gift in comparison (though, monkey humpers plagued us throughout with their sneaky burn).
    COT and updates on the SV500–things are coming together well with some high quality PAX registering from NOLA and the Northshore. T-claps to Paradox for all the work and leadership he’s putting in. Be prepared to play a vital role in the coming days, though–there’s much to be done! And, if you haven’t registered, don’t wait, do it right now.
    Grateful for these fellas for making these mornings so impactful!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “Brick killed a guy” – from Enron

    Better late than never a backblast from Monday, 7/18/22.

    YHC rolled up to the stage in the dark to prepare for the morning’s beatdown. After some prior recalling from Paradox that it has been a while since the bricks have been seen, a theme popped up. 12 bricks were unloaded and prepared for the PAX. (Fortunately, 2 extra bricks were unveiled as Paradox found that they are more fragile than previously believed).
    Shortly thereafter the following started rolling in:

    PAX: Enron, Goose, Paradox, Wilford Montana, Yankee Joe

    Warmup: the usual plus a couple with a mosey, bricks in hand, to the stop sign afterwards – SSH, WM, AC, Cherry Pickers, Grass Grabbers, IW

    After gathering at the stop sign, YHC informed the PAX that the bricks were now a part of them. “There are many bricks like this, but these bricks are mine”. Instructing that the bricks would not be placed on the ground for the remainder of the time.

    Thang 1: Rich Man’s Row Run/Nur
    Rotating Run and Nur between each light pole along the way, the following exercises were completed at each pole with bricks.
    5 x Hand Release Brick Merkins
    10 x Flys with Bricks (The clapping/showing-off of the bricks during this is what broke two bricks for Paradox, resulting in having to carry 4 pieces for the remainder of the run)
    15 x Arms out Squats
    20 x Shoulder Taps
    25 x Moroccan Night Clubs
    Rinse and Repeat – completed 3 rounds of these before making it back to the front of the Stage

    Thang 2: A song – “Brick House” – The Commodores
    After some banter about difficulties of connecting to JBL and the ongoing discussion/argument of which portable speaker is best, the song was started. Thanks to Wilford Montana for the correct guess on the year “Brick House” was released – 1977.
    The following was performed:
    Curls for the duration of the song
    Overhead clap on “Brick”
    Seal Clap on “House”

    Thang 3: 7-18-22s
    Chose a triangle using the picnic tables that the PAX are praying are still around for the St. Vincent 500, the following exercises were completed at each one, still with bricks:
    7- Moroccan Night Clubs
    Bear Crawl to Table
    18 – V ups
    Crab Walk
    22 – Curls
    Mosey

    Next Round:
    7 – Tricep Extensions
    Bear Crawl
    18- Floyd Mayweather’s
    Crab Walk
    22 – Nolan Ryan’s (11 on Each side)
    Mosey back

    Finished with some brick included Mary.

    COT and prayed us out. It was a great experience this morning with these guys, thanks to all that made it.

    Till next time in the Gloom,
    Enron

  • Humility is a Moving Target – from Goose

    Storm clouds threatened as 6 PAX gathered in the muggly gloom for YHC’s third and somewhat wonky attempt at a beatdown. Nevertheless, the theme was true and the PAX was hungry. Said theme revolved around gratitude and humility.

    Warmup:
    The norm with an added deep hip flexor pulses (thing yoga crescent lunch with a hint of wife pleasers)

    Thang 1: Psalm 30:6-7
    We all too often, during the good times, can become complacent and thus tempted to push Him aside and “take over the reins.” Even in the tougher times, we are eager to “do it ourselves.” This is self-will run riot. To remind us of this awesome show of humility on the part of King David…
    PAX completed a set of worst worst merkins (6 ct each in slow cadence) with an additional 6 ct of full extended push-ups to fire up the core. (30 total); Lunged 15 yards; Round of mucho leg-o, 5 ct each of narrow squats, normal squats, wide squats, jump squats, and bonnie blair’s (30 total); Bear crawl 15 yards back to starting marker (15 + 15 = 30)

    Thang 2: Highway to Hell
    YHC spoke of a time when he took matters into his own hands, ignored all of the signs (literal and otherwise), and…well…destroyed a minivan and his pride. It was a powerful moment in humility (and certainly gratitude). With free will, we certainly must “drive,” but we also must pay attention to the signs and guideposts.

    PAX was treated to BOSÉ and an effortless demonstration of musical elysium to the tune of “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC. PAX did J-Lo’s throughout, dropping down for scuba steve’s during the chorus.

    Thang 3: Matthew the Egyptian (Matt 18:20)
    Part of YHC’s immense gratitude for the Thibodaux PAX could not be better summarized than Matt 18:20, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

    PAX lined up and completed a long series of “walk like an egyptian,” in which the entire PAX low lunged and held, while twisting core to the side of the front knee. The last PAX completed 5 LBC’s, bolted to the front of the line; the entire PAX then lunged to the opposite leg with opposite core twist. PAX completed 18 held lunges for a duration of 5 1/2 minutes. (In retrospect, the thang would work better with a larger PAX and clearer instructions from YHC)

    Thang 4: Illusion of Control
    To really break through our need for control in this life, we have to push through to a place where it (control) ceases to exist. In this case, muscle failure.
    PAX did merkins (OYO) until failure. Enron, Goose, and Paradox scorched YHC’s failure point of 32

    Next, PAX did squats until failure. Cardinal and Montana showed off some impressive stamina and eventually YHC had to call it for sake of time (next time, it will be bonnie blairs!).

    Next, freddie mercury’s and finally back to regular merkins under cadence; when YHC failed, Goose picked up the count with Goose and Paradox putting on a showcase of Dad strength.

    PAX finished with a strong session of Mary, big boy sit-ups, zombie crunches, supermans, scuba steve’s, etc. – all 30 ct. For the final exercise, yet to be named (our research team is madly combing through the Exicon literature), PAX got into superman position, but with hands behind head and toes grounded. Then lifted entire torso up to the left; returned to start position, still hovering, then lifted the torso up to right; returned to hover. PAX completed 10 count with a low country chorus of Gollum-like mumble(grunting).

    COT and Montana prayed us out. Grateful for the opportunity to serve. Will sharpen up transitions for next time.

    The storm never materialized.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • July 11–A Big Day – from Goose

    5 PAX gathered on a warm Monday morning, not knowing it was a big day, which would require a big beatdown. First, July 11 is the 40th anniversary of YHC’s baptism, which started it all. Second, it’s the Feast of St. Benedict, who not only is the father of monasticism, but his monasteries were responsible for preserving western civilization after the fall of Rome. Lots to celebrate!

    Warmup: the usual suspects

    Thang 1: March 21, 547
    Benedict died on that date, just like God told him he would. PAX completed continuous rounds of the following for 3 minutes and 21 seconds: 5 merkins, 4 burpees, 7 squats

    Thang 2: Rule of Life
    Benedict was asked to write a rule of life for the first monastic community–he did such a good job, they tried to kill him twice. Cupid would provide the same experience for us.
    Song–Cupid Shuffle; follow his rules: plank for the duration, move around in a circle for every “to the right” or “to the left”, plank jacks for every “kick”, mountain climbers for every “walk it by yourself”, and hand-release merkin for every “down, down, do yo thang”.

    Thang 3: Death
    Baptism is choosing to enter into death with Christ so to rise with Him. So, we entered into a modified Bataan Death Crawl: Partnered up, and P1 started bear crawling around the perimeter of the field while P2 did 5 burpees and ran to catch up to P1, and they switched. Butt slaps, punches, etc. were encouraged.

    Thang 4: Resurrection
    Song–“Christ is Risen”, by Matt Maher: hold Al Gore for the duration, and jump squat on every “risen”, “awake”, and “rise”. The quads burned with the fire of purification.

    Thang 4: “We will run and not grow weary.”
    PAX moseyed the short loop, sprinting every third street light. Paradox kept YHC honest on maximum effort, and Montana impressively showed some serious afterburners toward the end of his third ever beatdown (and self-reportedly, the third time he’s ever exercised in his life).

    Back to the flag for 7 minutes of substantial Mary, COT, and Yankee Joe prayed us out. Many thanks for an awesome beatdown, fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • What Makes Our Nation Great? BOMBS – from Goose

    4 PAX for the 4th, and YHC focused on what makes a nation truly great–the unnoticed people on the ground level who do the “small”, thankless work, generation after generation. It’s hard work, humility, patience, perseverance, and a willingness to just keep grinding it out day after day regardless of the circumstances. We would be in solidarity with them this morning.

    After a much needed warmup of the usual after Yankee’s soreness-inducing Saturday, YHC introduced the main Thang:

    Often, we hear about the men who led and made major decisions in decisive battles, but rarely do we think about those who built the weapons, who hauled the ammunition and gear into the field, and who followed orders and took care of their brothers in the trenches.
    So, the PAX partnered up, and while one partner made continuous progress on the road to greatness by doing alternating step-ups on the picnic tables, the other partner built BOMBS (then flapjack):

    Bicep Curls–17
    Overhead Press–70 (by tens)
    Manmakers–6(teeen)
    Big Boy Situps w/block–50 (by tens)
    Squats w/block–13

    Altogether, 1776, 50 stars, and 13 stripes

    Thang 2: Push Through It

    All PAX army crawled the length of the field, then ran back. It was grueling work, and the ground was harder than it seemed, so all were glad to be done with it. But, of course, in keeping with the theme, YHC announced we’d be repeating the trek.

    YHC shared his great admiration for those on the battlefield and in their homes who are able to make the shift from asking the question, “How much more of this can I take?” to “What is needed of me in this moment?” This shift seems to require a lot of practice (which YHC was happy to provide this morning), and I think it’s one of the main reasons for the Q-drenaline phenomenon–your focus is on the PAX and the plan rather than on constantly trying to calculate how much more you think you can suffer.

    Thang 3: Coyote Ugly’s

    Back to the picnic tables. Partner 1 holds Partner 2’s legs in wheelbarrow position while Partner 1 steps up with his arms onto the bench, merkin, then onto the top, merkin, back down to the bench, merkin, and down to the ground, merkin. That’s 1 rep. The plan was for each PAX to do 5 reps, but the physics of the step up from the ground to the bench proved to be a major strain on the lower back, despite the holding partner’s best efforts. So, each did 3 reps with legs held, and the last two with feet on the ground. Looking back, it might have been more successful just going from the bench to the top, skipping the ground stage altogether.

    With a few minutes left, all PAX sprinted to the road and back just to add some intensity before 7 minutes of Mary (“7 minute abs!”): All 20 IC–Flutter kicks, LBC’s, Leg raises, American Hammers, Hello Dollies, and Wife Pleasers.

    COT with some great updates about the St. Vincent 500 and some intense prayer intentions including thanks for Percleator’s finding a house. We’re grateful that they finally found a winner, but it won’t be the same without him!
    Extremely grateful for these HIMs and their willingness to get up early and grind it out, as well as for the gift of this great nation and the people who make it that way.

    SYITG,
    Goose