F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky – from Paradox

    9 Thursday Thoroughbreds at the Stage to honor Christmas traditions new and old.
    We began with a welcome to 3 of our F3 Katy brothers (ChootEm, Technical, 4/10) and a nice prethang run to orient our DR pax to the AO. I’m confident both 4/10 and Technical would still be running a 8 minute pace if they weren’t stopped for the beatdown. The old guys held a leisurely pace and listened to some inspiring stories about the impact of F3 on the Katy region . Great to hear for our blossoming Thibodaux crew.

    Warm Ups
    Usuals with my new improved cadence.
    The chatter was somewhat suppressed and I was proud of our PAX in pretending for a few minutes to be the consummate professional weekday warriors. No talk about schisms or doo doo pills. No one asked about Moroccan self love and like clockwork Camaro guy serenaded us with a few extra revs of the Hemi. Beautiful PAX harmony.
    We really looked like we had it together!

    Bumper mosey and back to flag.
    .
    With a heavy heart YHC addressed the recent loss of the F3 hero Anker to start the day. I’ll pause here because I hear you mumbling in the back right now Yankee Jeaux . “An Anker memorial presented by JBL??”. “The dirt is barely fresh on his grave “ adds EnRon. But here’s the truth. Like any two red blooded alpha male Bluetooth devices sure JBL and Anker had their differences (primarily sound quality lol jk). But at the end of the day they wanted the same thing: bring the PAX Thunder and squeeze every ounce of effort from their weak human bodies.

    So today we begin anew, with a small black rectangular sized hole in our hearts. We burn the schism that was JBL/Anker and in its ashes a new tradition is born ….

    The official Anker Warmup Song

    My challenge to the pax is to honor Ankers legacy after each warmup with a song to make Anker smile in Bluetooth heaven. Today we began with his all time favorite :
    “ Thunderstruck , AC/DC”
    Tin Soldiers on song and Burpees on all the Thunder.

    We miss you buddy

    On to the THANG

    Christmas tradition @ House Paradox involves an annual trip to view the greatest of ballets (the only one YHC has ever seen)
    The Nutcracker.

    Every year YHC is stunned at the stamina and strength of the ballerinas to perform these world class routines.

    During our recent viewing, visions of sugar plums danced in my head of ways to modify this into an all leg consuming beatdown.

    Today I present to you

    THE BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Act 1

    Decorate the Tree and dance around it

    Step ups while other Pax Bearcrawl to picnic table
    10 incline merkins bearcrawl back
    Then 10 merkins
    Then 10 derkins
    FlapJack with Partners each round

    The Presentation of gifts
    Each pax roll Purple die
    Rest of PAX do the exercise while pax who rolled runs to the stage for 10 box jumps
    I swear that die has a gift for feeling the body party that is the theme of the day so we did a zillion Squats.

    Presentation of the Nutcracker
    100 thrusters
    Partner 2 run a track lap

    SideNote:
    Lil Cuz is a Thruster Machine , watch out WetTap ! He’s coming for the crown !

    Mouse King vs the Nutcracker
    Two teams
    Grab coupon , Indian Run
    chest carry , last coupon lunges to the front , when he gets to the front he yells “Sugar Plum Fairy “
    This signals two things , 5 goblet sqats from all and last man lunges to front . Go to concrete and Back .

    Def have to tweak this one as YHC miscalculated lunge speed vs sqats speed. Tana questioned the Q game plan and somewhere in an empty clinic a drug rep handout sits idle waiting for signatures. You hate to see that.

    Audible to 10 ballerina sqats and Rifle carry back for Mary .

    Team Mary
    It only took 42 minutes of peace in the wake of Ankers passing for a new new schism to rear its ugly head.
    The clockwise vs counter clockwise debate has risen with Enrons systolic spiking to 200s just thinking about it.

    YHC restored order with classic Dolphin Hops (man I just love those)
    YJ with flutters
    Goose with some ridiculous pickle pounders that always seem to end YHCs beatdowns

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks to ChootEms crew for rolling in early and pushing us through a run. Great to meet y’all.

    Grateful for the work and opportunity to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Y’allTide Christmas Party – from Lil Cuz

    It was a week before Christmas and all around the Stage, pax gathered for a VQ, some were excited while others were anticipating a History of Lockport theme beatdown. YHC had other plans and felt like a Christmas Party was more in order with a suddenly and uncharacteristically cold Louisiana December morning approached this close to Christmas.
    We started with what quickly became a crowd favorite from another recent VQ (Thanks GOATs for the great idea!) but with one little Christmas change.

    “THE GRINCH” – Play off of Leeroy Jenkins – If any one yells “THE GRINCH” all Pax must sprint to the nearest tree or bush and run back to scare him off from stealing Christmas.
    With the theme laid out and the hidden mini game introduced, the party started albeit with one Pax who had the ever-crucial music and BAPS was running late. My mind went to those lame parties with no music and people just standing around awkwardly waiting to leave and go home.

    Thang 1: Rich Man’s Loop – Christmas Themed Trivia – wrong answer results in 5 Carolina Dry Docks and sprint to next lamp post.

    As we were bout halfway through the Loop I noticed another runner a street away and thought “Man, who is this crazy guy running with us from a distance.” As he approached behind and scared a few Pax, the Music man himself, Yankee Joe, had arrived and the Party was saved. Our next thang was secured and the dancing would begin. No more worries of party goers thinking of an excuse to get home and put their pajamas on.

    Trivia Questions that were asked if anyone wants to ask their families and see if they get better scores than us:

    1. What is the highest grossing Christmas movie of all time?
    a. Home Alone Correct

    2. In “Home Alone”, where are the McCallister’s going on vacation when they leave Kevin behind?
    a. Paris Correct

    3. What is the best-selling Christmas song?
    a. “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby Correct

    4. When do the earliest gingerbread cookie recipes date back to?
    a. 2400 B.C. Incorrect

    5. In what modern-day country was St. Nicholas born in?
    a. Turkey Correct

    6. How many gifts in total were given in “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song?
    a. 364 Incorrect

    7. Three of Santa’s reindeer’s names begin with the letter “D”. What are those names?
    a. Dancer, Dasher, and Donner Correct

    8. What popular Christmas song was actually written for Thanksgiving?
    a. “Jingle Bells” Correct

    9. At what age was St. Nicholas made a Bishop?
    a. 30 years old Incorrect

    10. Name 2 things St. Nicholas is the patron saint of. Incorrect
    a. Sailors
    b. Children
    c. Wolves
    d. Pawnbrokers

    Thang 2: F3 White Elephant – Pax circle up with dice block exercises and the deck of death. Pax select between dice and deck for a random exercise chosen for them by fate. Pax can then either choose to do the exercise or pass it along to another Pax. If passed then you have to choose the other exercise selection method. The chosen pax must complete the exercise while all others do an exercise of YHC’s choosing. Admittedly, YHC ran out of exercises rather quickly and was graciously helped by the circle of Pax. Once the fateful exercise has been completed it moves to the next pax in the circle. We went two rounds as not many were wiling to pass along the harder exercises to others except after Yankee
    decided to slow his pace while the circle was in mission impossible plank. He was promptly paid back by Goose with 20 burpees on his own as our one and only “White Elephant” gift. No others decided to test those waters as it was cold this December morning.

    Thang 3: Louisiana Christmas Sled Race (Wheel Barrel Race): Partner Up for a Wheel Barrel Race across the field and switching barrel on the way back.
    – Punishment for losers are 10 Burpees. Last place adds 5 merkins to burpees. Winner relishes in their breather.

    Congratulations to our Winners!: Yankee Joe And Enron even though Dox and I almost pulled off the upset.

    Last Place was Goose and FencePost with the mumble chatter expected for Losers having a harder punishments.

    10 minutes of Mary to finish this VQ, COT, and Yankee prayed us out.

    F3 has meant a lot to me fellas and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for pushing me harder and making me do things I didn’t expect I can do. I look forward to all future beatdowns and look forward to a day where I too can be #TuesdayTuff.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz

  • The beatdown to Bethlehem – from Enron

    After Tuesday’s (#tuesdaytuff) cardio heavy beatdown, YHC was ready for some slower, heavier movements, or just not ready for any more cardio. It seemed to be the perfect timing for a themed beatdown that had been drawn up the night prior with the help of a much more creative wife. The stage was set as YHC pulled up to a much familiar look of a minivan awaiting the arrival of more PAX. Yankee Joe was ready as usual. As 4 more PAX arrived in the gloom, we had plenty of pre-thang time to discuss the many schisms that have been dividing the Thibodaux PAX for decades, OK, well maybe just the past 6 months. This mumble chatter did not slow down as the warmups began, and YHC decided it would be a good time to test his newly acquired (thanks Goose) pre-cadence call. This did not go over well with about half of the group while the other half took it in stride, hence the building of a divide. We quickly learned, or were directed to, who was the leader of pre-mentioned schisms. The usually ultra-quiet and very reserved in his words, Paradox, has decided to form groups on each side… again. Goose, in all his wisdom, informed us that Cardinal (on IR) also enjoy the great divides of this PAX, but is a “seeker of truth” and is always looking for the “correct” side to be on. Although, JBL, #whoopteam, “starting position, in cadence, ready position move” (or however it goes), #Tuesdaytuff (ok twice is enough); will always be the right side.

    Warmup with waaaay too much chatter in between, to where YHC had no idea what number we were on:

    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, bumper mosey

    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem

    After reading an extensive amount of information on many different Christmas topics, a theme was finally coming to light. We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days (leaving December 15th to be perfect for the beatdown). A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled all of this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.

    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich mans loop, where approximately 15 light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.

    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:

    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between. The slower carry between had plenty of time to discuss just how tuff #tuesdaytuff (last time) was, especially without Paradox.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Walk through the Jordan River – 10 Bonnie Blairs (the hard way)
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 20 Mountain climbers – in cadence
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- this was a burpee but with a donkey kick during the thruster
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 25 Merkins
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 30 squats (no coupon)
    Fight off more animals – 30 coupon curls
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 15 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Perfect Merkins
    Give God the glory – 25 Heals to Heaven
    Turned away at the Inn – Run to next light pole (this light pole was out making the reference perfect)
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: Song
    “Jingle Bell Rock” – Hold Al Gore for duration and squat on Jingle
    This made the PAX looks like whack-a-mole moles with how many “jingles” there were and how uncoordinated we can look at times.

    2 minutes of Mary with Freddie Mercury’s and Penguins

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thanks for the laughs to go along with this one. I hate to admit it but the mumble chatter only added to the fun. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.

  • 12…(13) Days of F3 Christmas – from Wiford Montana

    The pax coming off a strong performance at the peltch on saturday assembled for my 3rd que. This Monday was extra gloomy with fog and humidity rivaling that of mid July. 5:30 hit and we began with only what could be described as “hot garbage” of a cadence. Any confidence from que 2 was flushed like a goose post beatdown “thruster.” We had the usual stuff ending on a bumper mosey but I will be going back to the warm up tutorial video for my next que for sure.
    The Thang was the 12 days of F3 Christmas
    Day 1: lap around the stage track
    Day 2: burpees
    Day 3: merkins
    Day 4: Man Makers
    Day 5: Lunges
    Day 6: plank jacks
    Day 7: mountain climbers
    Day 8: crowd pleasing “thrusters”
    Day 9: LBCs
    Day 10: squats
    Day 11: SSH
    Day 12: Carolina Dry Docks

    After that 12th time around the track YHC can’t articulate what he felt but he knew no matter the faces the pax wanted……no, needed the Truth! Today gentleman is 13 days until Christmas, so alll thru the house not a creature was stirring when YHC announced day 13: BBS
    After that we had 2 minutes left so we got in 100 flutter kicks and Freddy’s till que failure. As I laid full extension on the ground looking up upon the sky, we counted off circle off and circle of Trust, YJ prayed us out
    #13days #thestage

  • Block Treatment (Party) – from Goose

    YHC has had the coupons in the back of his truck all week since Goats needed them on Saturday, Montana on Monday, and Paradox on Thursday. I didn’t feel like unloading them, so it seemed necessary to work them into this morning’s beatdown. The Block Treatment was conceived in YHC’s closet at 10:30pm last night, the only place in the house where a light is allowed, and it was born this morning at 6:30am after a short gestation. There were some, however, who wished that it had never been born, that it would have remained just a twinkle in YHC’s eye.
    After threatening to show the interesting bug bites YHC received during Paradox’s beatdown on Thursday and then thinking better of it, we commenced the usual warmups with the addition of something a little bit new. That’s where the mutinous thoughts began to get a foothold, and they’d continue to fester and grow through the remainder of the beatdown. Shoulder circles aren’t a huge change, but they were awkward enough, especially for our Awkardness Specialist, Enron, to merit some serious mumblechatter and sideways looks, especially from our Sideways Looks Specialist, Cardinal.
    The grumbling really began as YHC directed the PAX to the back of the Goose-Mobile to grab a coupon. We moseyed to the lower field and lined up on the “baseline” by the batter’s fence. Partners were chosen, and while Partner 1 farmer carried both of their coupons (carry two coupons, one in each hand, by your sides, like milk buckets), Partner 2 completed 5 burpees before catching up and and taking over. YHC partnered with Pope to save Paradox from the public humiliation of uneven traps since Pope had a lighter composite block. The coups were farmer carried around a large perimeter, one partner at a time, and since one lap didn’t take very long, YHC decided to add another. The traps and hands were burning nicely through that last stretch, and the PAX was glad for a break and to rest in the bliss of ignorance as to what was coming next.
    What came next was so difficult to understand that it took about five minutes into the exercise for all the PAX to finally get what we were trying to do. Enron was convinced that we were gonna try to make a block bi-locate, and Lil’ Cuz was murder bunnying off into the sunset before things finally settled down. The PAX would Indian Run around the same perimeter, the front man rifle-carrying a coupon, and the back man would run to the middle of the baseline where ANOTHER coupon awaited and murder bunny five steps with it toward the other end of the field (to the Christmas tree lights). Once five murder bunnies were completed, he’d run back to the front of the line and take over the rifle carry. It took a few laps to get the murder bunny block all the way across, and the tracks across the wet grass were unique.
    Speaking of interesting tracks, the next exercise was the ol’ Block and Bear from the baseline to the Christmas tree lights (about 60 yards). Afterward, it looked like a bunch of slugs with legs had been through there, most of whom didn’t know that the quickest way from one point to another is a straight line. And, some looked like they achieved flight a few times.
    EMOM work was next, which was welcomed with thoughts (and noises) of insurrection. Every minute, on the minute for 10 minutes, PAX would complete the following, all with coupon:
    -5 lunges (1:1)
    -5 squats
    -5 rows
    -5 curls
    -5 overhead presses
    -5 tricep presses
    The PAX doubted YHC’s insistence that all this could be done in less than a minute, but the first round provided the necessary vindication. All exercises were completed in less than 40 seconds, giving the PAX about 20 seconds rest between rounds. YHC thought maybe trust in his leadership was being reestablished, but he was mistaken–at around minute 9, it was clear that though the PAX recognized that YHC’s ideas could be done, they doubted whether they should be done. And the next exercise(s) would only cement those doubts in their communal mind.
    PAX were asked to line up with some space between them and lay their blocks long-ways on the ground. Next exercise would be 10 burpee jump-overs–burpees, but jumping sideways over the block instead of straight up in the air. It was tough, and the timing of it toward the end of the beatdown made it just as much of an exercise of will as it was an exercise of lungs and thighs. But we wouldn’t stop there.
    The PAX were then directed to stand their blocks up vertically and do it again. This one came with a pep talk, though, cuz YHC could smell the despair. I couldn’t see everyone, but it seemed that this second, harder round was actually executed with more accuracy and success than the first. Just goes to show…(insert something inspirational).
    This was followed by a mosey back to the flag carrying the coupons. Some runners jogged by, and I heard more “good morning’s” than usual from the PAX–I think I heard more flexing, too.
    We had a solid 8 minutes left for coupon Mary, and this is where YHC lost the PAX for good. Commitments were made to ensure that all Saturdays, at least, were covered so that YHC would have no opportunity to Q again anytime soon. I think some plans were even made to steal and hide the blocks, or maybe use them in Goats’s upcoming chicken coop repair. Well, whatever it takes to fill the Q sheet. Exercises for Mary included:
    -big boys with block on chest
    -wife pleasers with pelvic blocks
    -flutter kicks with block held high in chest press position
    -LBC’s with block on chest
    -box cutters with block held high in chest press position
    -dying cockroaches with block held high in chest press position, rocking it back and forth
    -heels to heaven with block held high in chest press position
    -American Hammers with the block

    COT and Enron prayed us out.
    It was great to be in the gloom with you guys! I could never imagine having a reason to be excited to drive through thick fog at 6:15am, but I definitely was this morning, and it’s because of this crew. Much love for you, gents, and looking forward to all that comes next!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Drug Rep Death March – from Wiford Montana

    Drug reps are an interesting bunch but none the less the drug rep themed que was requested so I felt I had to go for it. Full disclosure there are plenty of drug reps that need to tone it down as are with any profession (doctors included)
    The “usual” Montana warm up with all over the show cadence and timing. Still working on it but we also threw in some seal jacks with a splash of yankee joe sarcasm centered around my lexicon knowledge or lack of it.
    The bumper mosey was welcomed and then we had returned.
    The drug rep death March was here:
    1st round walk thru together so you compare it to your office jobs, friendly faces, water cooler convos, but after that you were on your own! Alone, just you and your hybrid setting out to clinic who probably doesn’t want to see you to talk about things they don’t want to hear. But this my friends is where the magic begins, you go anyway and hope each and every other drug rep believes that garbage and drives on, blows the horn and hits the gym. Today though men we MARCH!!!!!
    The start 10 BBS
    Station 1 : 10 merkins with bear crawl to next station
    Station 2: we’re not worthys, murder bunnies to next station
    Station 3: 10 curls/ overheads lung to final spot and then 10 lbs
    Highlight was the coffee runs called out at random to get the doctors coffee (run to bumper and do 10 jungle boys) T clap to Dox on sending Yankee back a second time cause he got the order wrong, you had one job joe. Also hilarious was cardinal noticing the typical drug rep/ doctor small talk making the patient wait lol . After the first run thru We repeated the track backwards until 6:09

    6 minutes of pot luck Mary:
    Dox called dolphin hops which turned out to be a crowd pleaser!

    Well done gentlemen and actually o do love my job and the awesome healthcare heros I get to meet everyday, but it is fun too laugh about it once and a while

    #the stage, #goose,#paradox,#yankeejoe, #lilCuz, #fencepost, #cardnal, #montana #2ndque

  • The Turkey Bowl – from Paradox

    11/26/22 7:29 am EDW Stadium

    A youth sized Wilson football leaves the rocket launcher surgically enhanced shoulder of legendary quarterback Yankee Joe Montana. The game clock strikes 0:00 and the scoreboard is locked in a dead heat 0-0, the leather-bound vessel elevates in a tight spiral and cuts through the gloom of a misty bayou morning. A bird chirps. Fresh biscuits fill the air. It reaches the peak of its flight and underneath, each PAX fight for real estate to find its landing place. Its destination is a streaking Superfun(d) who has battled through the Yellow Team defense and found wide open spaces in the endzone. Time stands still, the fate of the F3 Turkey Bowl hangs in the balance….

    18 hours earlier…

    Text Thread
    YHC: F3 Turkey Bowl tomorrow, I’ll get flags. Can you bring an an American football?
    Yankee Breaux: Yea, going to Wally today to get black Friday deals on Icy Hot. What size, Junior?
    YHC: You bet. I can throw it clean over those mountains.

    14 hours earlier…
    Group Text with Tana and Yankee
    YHC: Check out this F3 turkey bowl jersey prototype (beaming with pride as YHC attaches pic of PDOX jersey I’d been stenciling for hours)
    Tana: Bro.. I’m gonna shoot you strait …that looks like it says POOX
    Yankee…..
    Tana:….
    YHC: No turning back, see yall in the morning. (*Googles Bible verses on Humility)

    6:00am YHC and Yankee setting up cones and feeling low expectations about turn out
    YHC : Can you play flag football with three people?
    Yankee: Who is the third? Tana had a few high APV brews yesterday, hes atleast 50/50
    YHC: Man , Goose is never gonna let me Q the special holidays again. Oh well it was a good run.

    6:29 am YHC and Yankee share a “yea this is gonna be awesome” nod as 10 PAX and one 2.0 FNG pour in from all corners to the Peltch gravel lot. The call of gridiron glory had not gone unanswered. Major Brat rolling in for his second beatdown! T Claps!. andddd a really special Welcome Back Kotter moment as Gordon strolled in with a fresh homemade F3 jersey and a twinkle in his eye. We got rolling with some standard warmups with somewhat proper cadence.

    THANG 1 WARMUP
    PAX Indian run with last man dropping off to do 5 Football Thrusters (thrusters holding a football, don’t overthink it) then runs to lateral pass the ball to the last man in the Indian run. If ball dropped we would suffer 5 burpees as a PAX. It took Cardinal approximately 3 microseconds to spot the morality loophole. “What if they drop it and nobody sees them?”. To YHCs knowledge there were only crisp albeit somewhat short passes and we made it to the EDW stadium with legs activated.

    Mosey to the Center Cards logo after an impromptu cone shuttle run.

    WarmUp Song
    “Are you ready for some Football?”…No not the one your thinking , sorry . I left Hank Williams Jr at home. We did Zombie Walks on the song with Burpees on “Football” to this version created by …checks notes….Mr. Lewis and D.O Dubb feat Dub Ruffin. You might want to google this one because its pure poetry.

    Mosey back to the endzone with a lateral cone shuttle run

    YHC had PAX line up shoulder to shoulder
    On Q call we passed the ball side to side
    On Down hold Al Gore, On Set we chopped feet, Then YHC blew the coach whistle and whoever had the ball got to call a PAX to go out for a pass. If caught 10 SSH, if dropped 5 burpees. PAX faired well here once in a rhythm. Gave everyone a chance to see what talents would be showcased in todays Main Event…

    Thang 2 The TURKEY BOWL
    Divide PAX by 1s and 2s and pass out yellow and blue flags
    BLUE TEAM: Montana, YJ, Cardinal, SuperFun(d), Wet Tap
    YELLOW TEAM: YHC, Major Brat, Lil Cuz, Paradiddle, Gordon

    The Rules were simple enough. Each possession starts on the 50. You get 4 downs, no first downs. PAX hold al gore in offensive huddle while PAX hold plank in defense huddle. Any turnover (on downs, interception, fumble) results in 10 burpees for offense and 10 SSH for defense. A touch down results in 10 burpees for defense and 10 SSH for offense.
    Yellow team took the first offensive possession after winning the toss and a lengthy explanation of an alien football backspin concept that must be a “down the bayou” thing. (still don’t get it)

    Yellow team with a turnover on downs to start after a failed flea flicker. Lil Cuz establishing himself as a field general early. Blue team started a steady drive and it looked like we would continue a Saturday tradition of watching Wet Tap do athletic things we usually only see on TV. Blue was threatening an early score leaning heavy on Taps speed and Tanas relentless trash talk.
    …That’s when Gordon decided enough is enough. As Tap was streaking for what looked like an inevitable score Gordon met him head on to force out of bounds. Unstoppable object..immovable force..we’ve heard this song before! Some bystanders say you could actually here the moment that Taps ear cartilage gave way. When the dust settled Team blue ate 10 more burpees and with blood in the water Team Yellow had the big Mo swing.

    HIGHLIGHTS
    -Paradiddle kept a great attitude despite not know much football lingo
    -Montana is light on his feet and has perfected the Lebron Crab dribble. Don’t let him get in open space.
    -Gordon with a contested 2 foot drag interception and we still are waiting on booth review
    -Legends continue to grow but pretty sure Wet Tap wasn’t allowed a vehicle as a teenager and just had to run to places. He was never late.

    We traded blows for the next few possessions but remained a tight defensive slobber knocker. YHC checked the applewatch game clock and gave blue team the 60 second warning. This would be the final drive…

    7:30am EDW Field Endzone
    The junior size Wilson descends on its path into the EDW endzone and finds SuperFun(d) ready to cradle it like a newborn baby. Crowd noises overtakes the scene as our perception returns to real time.
    The inaugural F3 Thibodaux Turkey Bowl had its victor. Blue team in Hail Mary Fashion!!

    Defensive MVP- Gordon
    Offensive MVP- SuperFun(d)

    Wrapped up on the field with our now traditional PAX clean up then mosey back to the flag.

    Welcome Lil Cuz’s FNG 2.0 –Pikachu!

    COT and Cardinal Prayed Us out

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.
    Lots of great ideas for this one going forward and I think the Bowl series will be a staple.

    SYITG

    Pdox (POO-X 4 Lyfe)

  • Skid Marks – from Goose

    I know, that’s two backblasts in a row from YHC with a toilet humor theme–I may or may not be working on a streak here.

    YHC has been yearning to take advantage of the random brick piles strewn about the neighborhood construction sites, and there was a particular exercise routine I remember both hating and marveling over from my time on the Northshore. This seemed the perfect morning to pull it out of the bag.

    After a warmup of the usual exercises and mumblechatter topics (including Goats’s late night GroupMe activity followed by a fartsack), we moseyed to the corner at the beginning of Rich Man’s Loop where we usually stop so the exercise can be both explained and groaned about.
    For the first Thang the PAX were just told that we’d be bear crawling to the next light post and then given further instructions. YHC didn’t notice that Yankee Joe hadn’t heeded the glove recommendation–what was to be a bit of a rough morning began for him at that point–that pavement’s got some wicked grooves. At the time, though, he thought, “Surely this is why he recommended gloves, but whatever–a little bear crawl never hurt nobody.” YHC could smell his thoughts, and they stunk of misplaced confidence, so I responded with thoughts of my own: “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    The next lightpost distance would be traversed via THE crab walk. All eyes were on Cardinal to see what kind of technique or mental prowess he employed to smoke everyone so completely and consistently. He did not disappoint as he completed the entirety of Rich Man’s Loop twice before even one of us had made it halfway to the next light post. And no one could evaluate his form because when you crab walk, you face backward. There was plenty of time, though, to make educated guesses: maybe it’s his arm to spine length ratio? his red hair? the grace of ordination? his youth? helium bags hidden in that sweatshirt? crab-derived steroids? Regardless, his prowess didn’t seem to be limited to just the crab walk this morning. Some leftover Q-drenaline, or maybe the lead-drenaline was kicking hard, and he would not be beaten for most of the light post transports.

    The next two posts were side shuffles (right-facing, then left facing) mostly so YHC could have a few seconds to get his courage up for the next two…

    The next light post was traversed via 44’s: 4 bear crawl steps and 4 merkins in turns all the way there.
    Wet Tap had graciously joined The Stage crew this morning, and this is where he made his presence known (not surprisingly). YHC is pretty convinced that he walked on his hands growing up and did push-ups continuously during class while his schoolmates sat in desks. (“I just learn better that way.”)

    After this, we switched the number “44” around to make it “44”: this time with crab walks and whatever you call the exercise where you do basically a standing, full extension wife pleaser. So, in crab position, you do like a mini dip (butt hits the ground) followed by a wife pleaser fully off the ground. 4 crab walk steps to 4 of those.
    This, again, was brutal for everyone who wasn’t Cardinal, especially since some sort of breach in the space time continuum caused the next lightpost to keep getting farther away and the one we just left to follow us like a puppy.

    Next post was The Groucho Walk, which was a pretty unique, dizzying experience in a tight group of 8 large men. The comparisons to West Side Story and the Anchorman rumble scene were the perfect distraction from the deep quad/groin burn.

    We ended this routine with one more interval of nurring before moseying, not back to the flag, but to the brick pile.

    Thang 2: S**t Brick Sliders

    YHC was first introduced to this routine by Crawfish from F3 Birmingham(?) when he made a cameo at Granny’s on the Northshore about three years ago. It was so creative and ridiculous and hard that it stuck in my head, and I’ve been doing the typical “avoiding it/can’t wait to try it again” dance.

    YHC mysteriously grabbed two bricks from the pile and led the mosey backtracking to the dead end in the middle of the loop (to the right after the long east/west straightaway where the burpee station was for the SV500), which will heretofore be known as “The Dead End of Solace” because of how pretty that area is, and because the 44’s were over. Montana felt the need to mention aloud that he would not willingly participate in any breaking and entering, and Enron actually agreed to take part in any revenge based activities that might be planned.

    Instead, each PAX, one at a time, took the two bricks, placed them on the ground, and pushed them down the street, driving with the feet and having to stay low because of the friction, and leaving red, stinky skid marks all the way to the manhole cover about 25 yards away. Before starting, each PAX would assign the rest of the group an exercise to complete AMRAP until they returned, and upon their return, each PAX would comment, “That’s harder than it looks!” Seriously, I think we heard that four times.

    We ended with all PAX running to grab two bricks apiece and lining up so we could all do it one more time together. Enron got off to an impressive start but face planted after the right brick caught a mud spot, though he still finished first after a solid recovery. Not much pride earned by any of the PAX on that last one, but the marks of our immense efforts will remain. At least until Wednesday when it’s scheduled to rain.

    Moseyed back to the flag for LBC’s and flutters, COT, and Paradox prayed us out. It was an awesome morning–definitely one that brought the PAX together and made YHC grateful for time with this crew! Very much looking forward to a Goats VQ on Thursday!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A Day in the Life of a Cardinal – from Cardinal

    YHC was up late the night before due to a thrilling game-winning field goal as the clock ran out in the second-round playoffs of his alma mater. With Cardinal pride coursing through my veins, the beatdown began to form. We’d take the PAX on a journey back to a day in Cardinal’s life as a Cardinal – pun intended.

    We began with the usual warmup – SSH, IW, WM, the full Arm Circle gambit (forward, backward, cherry pickers, and Moroccan night clubs) and finished off with some grass grabbers (sans clap).

    Then we moseyed to a new location – YHC’s parents’ house, which is right across the street from the Peltch and right next door to the high school.

    A typical Cardinal day started with a brisk walk to school – living across the street has some perks – like waking up 10 minutes before class started and still getting there on time (as long as a brisk pace was kept). We did an Indian run, with the last PAX dropping for 7 merkins, until we finally arrived at the classroom building for the day to begin.

    Now YHC’s alma mater is known for many things – chief of which are the legendary biscuits. Buttery goodness that you haven’t imagined or experienced until you tried one. Paula Dean would be proud. You don’t want to know how much butter goes in them. But they are unmatched. YHC had one (sometimes more) every day for the course of my stint at the school (hence the current need for working out). But as you might imagine, they were popular. You had to get there quickly if you wanted to have any time of recess left (and God forbid you risk them running out!!!!).

    Thus – the biscuit sprint. The PAX paired up, with one sprinting from the classroom building to the student union and back while the other did 4×4 of merkins, mountain climbers, BBS, and overhead presses. We did two rounds, because the daily limit imposed by the school was 2 biscuits per student per day.

    Then, classes resumed until lunch. We moseyed over to the Card Yard for lunch time and another partner workout. PAX paired up, with one doing incline merkins while the other bear crawled to the other side of the Yard. Round 2 involved derkins and crab walks.

    We finished lunch time with a quick round of blackjack from the deck of death. Two PAX came out with 19’s so YHC decided to do both. I forget exactly what happened, but it involved many squats.

    We then moseyed to the football stadium for the pep rally for the big game. Rival week is legendary between YHC’s alma mater and their rival school. The Thibodaux PAX have their own fierce rivalry on Bluetooth speakers – Anker, cheap yet decent, vs JBL, who has been accused of being the weakest speaker in F3. We put them to the test in a head-to-head playoff of Flower by Moby. JBL’s turn involved doing what the song said via squats (up and down). Anker’s turn involved merkins (up and down). Who was the winner??? Jury’s still out…the PAX could come to no clear winner – no one is willing to change their allegiance.

    We finished out on the field by doing 1st and 10’s…YHC forgot a couple details, which Goose was happy to let him do, so we did 1 burpee/100yd sprint, 2 burpees/90yd sprint, and so on. It was a hard…really hard…but good way to finish out. Just like last night’s game was down to the wire, we couldn’t slow down if we hoped to finish in time. The PAX succeeded. Rumor has it Paradox upped his life insurance policy after the experience. Paradiddle really came alive and showed that he was made for burpees and sprinting – God bless him…

    A final thought I had that never materialized was recreating the “Stadium Cleanup” – after each home game, students would come the Saturday morning to clean up the trash. Enron unknowingly made it happen with the suggestion to help clean up after we finished out – a great F3 act of service.

    We moseyed back to the Peltch for COT and Goose praying us out. A great beatdown despite the misty rain that persisted. Grateful for these men!!

    And GEAUX CARDS!!!

    SYITG,

    Cardinal