F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • SPORTSman Paradise VQ – from Superfun(d)

    YHC showed up at 4:55 to be the first one at his VQ since he usually shows up 2 minutes before to maximize his sleep. All behold, French Horn swoops in right before YHC like he’s preparing for Yankee Jeaux’s final. T-claps for him for his dedication and time he spends with his mentor. While sitting there waiting for more PAX to arrive, a douche wagon pulls up even with me but on the highway, the bald-headed man nonchalantly backs up to the entrance thinking no one is watching. A strong PAX of 12 showed up on this warm humid morning to witness my VQ.

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Arm Circles (Front and back), Cherry Pickers, Self Love, Grass Grabbers with the clap

    Moseyed to the BB court. YHC jokingly wanted to have his VQ at Schneider Park for home field advantage. The park has the football and baseball field, but a while back, they demolished the tennis/basketball court. So the PAX was going to take a mosey down Chackbay until we found someone’s house to play BB.

    Thang 1: Basketball (Gotcha )
    – Chatter from the PAX(Paradox) murmured that they called it “Put Out” in the North. Well ole friend, this is bayou country, anything south of I-10 is Gotcha, Yankee! Knowing the PAX is very competitive, I made sure that the two basketballs were the same size with exactly 7 PSI each so I would hear no complaining. Once you were out, SSH until the game was over. Winner gets to pick the punishment exercise for the PAX for a 10 count. Knowing the Lions Den always had a double rim, I was waiting for some good laughs. Not thinking that 12 PAX would show up, the game lasted longer than expected. Eventually Paradox battled out Lil Cuz and became the victor. Paradox graciously gave out 10 burpees to the rest of the PAX. There was going to be round 2 but didn’t want to run out of time. Moseyed to baseball field.

    Thang 2: Football (11s)
    – Started with 1 squat, karaoke from the edge of the infield until the outfield fence (switch direction on each round), 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) then Nur back. Repeat. Moseyed to home plate.

    Thang 3: Baseball
    – The PAX split into two teams. This exercise was timed. One member at a time would run the bases until they got to home plate, then the second teammate would start and so on. Here’s the catch, each base had its own exercise to complete. 1st base: 10 merkins, 2nd base: 10 BBSU, 3rd base: 10 Toy Soldiers (1:1), then run home to tag next teammate. Team 1 would go first while Team 2 would plank the whole duration then vice versa. Team 1 edged out Team 2 with a time of 5:11 to 5:38. Team 2 graciously gave Team 1 15 burpees while they effortlessly did 15 imperial walkers. Moseyed back.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thank y’all for coming out to support my VQ. The fitness, fellowship, and faith is powerful in our group, and I greatly appreciate the F3 Thib PAX.

    Until next year,
    Superfun(d)

  • We Did This to Ourselves – from Yankee Joe

    This past Saturday during Goose’s ‘Ha-quartermile-matata’ beatdown, YHC expected football games and shenanigans in five-yard increments. Instead, he experienced a darkness, nay a hopelessness that hadn’t been seen since Paradox’s “Teamwork Gumbo- Add Burpees to Taste” beatdown back in August.

    Cardinal described the experience perfectly, moving through the range of emotions from hope to confusion to darkness to disgust with Goose to owning the pain. During a similar past experience, Enron had simply asked Goose, “Who hurt you?” Wet Tap provided the pivotal insight we all needed by describing Goose’s rebirth and remaking each spring. The explanation stirs images crossing between that scene in Alien and a large bald bird in the process of molting. In fact, molting simply means shedding old feathers, hair, skin, etc. to make room for growth. I suppose in this case, the hair never grew back.

    It is in this mindset that YHC considered Monday’s beatdown. He was very fortunate to have his cousin, Mullet, DR’ing from The Branch AO in Houston, so of course, the pressure was on. With 60 degrees and nine PAX, we delved into some over-active recovery mixed with some festive tunes to celebrate Mardi Gras and the onset of the Lenten season.

    ————————————–
    Waramarama was normal in both exercises and YHC’s odd struggle with remembering the order of cadence. This only opened a huge, massive, enormous door for Paradox and Enron mumblechatter. Like sharks to blood in the water. No mercy.

    We covered a lot of ground, the most important of which included deep wisdom from Homer. No, not that Homer. Homer HIgh School…Alma Mater of our very own Paradox…home of the mighty Pelicans and the recipients of an impressive Google review of 3.4 out of 5.0 on their website. It’s nice Clark. Real niiice. (I’m not even sure he went there, but who cares, right?)

    We finished with throw me somethin’ mistas and after watching Montana’s shimmying, YHC was forced to accept that the beatdown was already off the rails. The rest of the mernin’ would run in similar fashion. Like a middle school boy, who during the first hour of an 8-hour field trip, tried to be funny and rip ass on one of his friends. However, he got far more than he bargained for. There are no bathrooms to be found on a bluebird school bus. There are no bathrooms to be found at Lake Kissimmee State Park visiting the pioneer cabins. So all a fourth grade Joe can do is walk bowlegged and hope for the best. YHC has never been caught without doo doo pills for any trip longer than 30 minutes since.

    ———————————-
    Warm-up song – Mardi Gras Mambo
    – Shoulder taps for duration of the song
    – Merkin on “Mardi Gras” and “mambo”
    – 49 merkins

    Mumblechatter decreased significantly, but the PAX’ confidence was still a bit too high. Based on some observations from this past Saturday, YHC saw things that he couldn’t unsee. What was so repulsive? GABF or Generally Accepted Burpee Form. We needed to get back to basics, so we deconstructed the burpee mechanics. YHC felt something sting on the back of his neck…was it Cardinal staring daggers?

    Thang 1: Breaking The Pax Down
    Deconstructed burpees (55 squats; 55 groiners; 55 merks, 100 yds bearcrawl)

    – 10 squats
    – 10 groiners
    – 10 merkins
    – Bear crawl to next marker
    (Decrease by 1 each rep until 1 each)
    – Finish with 10 burpees

    ———————————–
    The problem according to Goose – as he told YHC this past Saturday – is that “you’re weak.” Maybe even lazy. The only way to fix this affliction is through our good friend, Dora. To be honest, she’s a bit of a hack. Map and Backpack do all the heavy lifting. And now that I think about it, Swiper reminds me of Paradox. Paradox, stop doctoring. Paradox, stop doctoring. YHC asked if there were any questions. Enron responded with something, it was not fully audible. I don’t think it was a shout out.

    Thang 2: Lazy Doras

    Partner up. Partners perform 200 Merkins, 400 squats, & 600 LBCs as a team. Here’s the catch…no running.

    – P1 starts with 20 Merkins while P2 elbow planks, then switch. Continue switching between Merkins and plank until 100 total Merkins reached.

    – P1 does 40 squats, P2 performs Al Gore until P1 is finished, then switch. Continue switching until all 400 squats are completed.

    – P1 does 60 LBCs while P2 does 6″ leg hold, then switch. Continue switching until 600 total LBCs are completed.

    We barely finished the second round of squats. It is probably for the best. Had the Form Police been at the scene one set of PAX would have been hauled off to jail. In retrospect, based on their Juvenile interpretive dancing, Cardinal, Tana, and Lil’ Cuz almost backed their thangs up into purgatory.

    As you can imagine, YHC had to say something. As you can imagine Lil’ Cuz and Cardinal tore YHC to shreds. It got ugly, but not as ugly as watching Tana’s Al Gore pose from the backside.

    On a brighter note, Paradiddle is a straight up beast. He barely broke a sweat during Goose’s PMS beatdown and this morning, hung out in Al Gore, but the hard way with legs splayed wide and toes pointed out. In some circles, this is called the goddess squat and it makes Al Gore feel like a comfy heated toilet seat.

    YHC called time with five minutes remaining and shifted to our close out song.

    Mary Song – Hey Pocky A-Way (The Meters)

    – Hold elbow plank for duration of song
    – Pickle pounder on every “way” or “hey”
    – 66 pickle pounders

    The chatter subsided and the badassery resumed.

    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Don’t let the snark fool you. We all love and are exceedingly grateful for the molting process.

  • Ha-quartermile-matata – from Goose

    It was a frigid morning as YHC pulled in much earlier than normal due to a lack of 2.0’s and the need to place a marker board by the track without being seen. I didn’t want the PAX to see it before it was time–no need to ruin a beautiful morning sooner than necessary. YHC expected to sit in a warm truck for at least a few minutes before Paradox would inevitably break the solitude with the beginnings of a solid hour of chatter. But, not this morning–Smooth Operator pulled in just a few seconds behind YHC with two young 2.0’s in a blanketed wagon. Jack Be Nimble and Tractor jumped out into the frigid morning ready to rock, showing the same joyful readiness as big Smooth. As more PAX rolled in (including Major Brat!), there was still no sign of Paradox, and YHC began to wonder if he had slipped in an announcement of being out of town at the end of Thursday’s beatdown (brain function tends to leak out with the steam coming off YHC’s head). But, he pulled in with two minutes to spare and Enron right behind him looking like he wanted to fight–Enron was smiling, but road rage was in his eyes as it seemed the usual competitive jostling had started on the way to the beatdown.

    The much needed warmup began with the usuals plus some Willie Mays Hayes for the cold, tight lower backs. Then, we moseyed to the track/field to reveal contents of the board. The Quarter Mile Ladder was the title under which was written a list of exercises. At first, the PAX thought we’d have an enjoyable opportunity to log some miles and some quality time, assuming that we were going to be doing one exercise at a time with a leisurely lap between each. Wouldn’t that be nice. For our wives.

    No, that’s not how a ladder works. We’d start with the first exercise, 5 burpees, followed by a lap (quarter mile), then add the next, so 5 burpees and 10 merkins, followed by a lap. Then, 5 burpees, 10 merkins, and 15 lunges (2:1) followed by a lap, ultimately working our way up to 10 total exercises followed by a tenth lap. Here’s the list:
    5 burpees
    10 merkins
    15 lunges (2:1)
    20 mountain climbers (2:1)
    25 Freddy Mercs
    30 squats
    35 Peter Parkers (1:1)
    40 Big Boy Situps
    45 Side Straddle Hops
    50 Shoulder Taps (1:1)

    When YHC saw Paradiddle pull in (on Bourg time), I knew this one would be right up his alley, so I was happy to sidle up next to him on the first lap and stay in pace for the duration. Running seems as easy as breathing for him, so YHC knew I’d be pushed but also be distracted from the drudgery by some solid conversation. It was clear that many of the PAX had entered a dark place after the first lap or so, so YHC suggested pacing with a partner, which seemed to give a few guys a shot in the arm. But, nothing could’ve boosted the morale more effectively than a spontaneous serenade from Tractor. Smooth had been hauling the two boys around the track in the luxury wagon for about 30 minutes to a constant stream of encouraging/shaming shouts of “Come on, Dad! You can do it! Push harder! COME ON! You’re taking forever! What’s wrong with you?” And, while waiting for super-dad to finish his Peter Parkers, Tractor started belting out “Hakuna Matata” (or something close enough to that), and the cute innocence combined with the irony of hearing a bunch of grown men singing along, “it means no worries…” as they fought for breath and poured their sweat (and blood–Paradox) into the track, deeply dreading the next lap, couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. It was incredible, and it likely kept a number of the guys from spiraling into a deep, dark solitude.
    YHC was initially worried about finishing too early, but instead found that I was yearning for 7:30 to provide sweet relief. It seemed, however, that the ladder was crafted a little too perfectly, and YHC rolled into the last turn with nothing left in the tank and seconds left on the clock. The rest of the PAX came flying in and collapsed, breathless but grateful to have finished what looked at first to be an extremely unattractive exercise routine.

    The brotherhood, as we slow moseyed back to the flag carrying layers of clothing, was deeply felt, wrought by a unique experience of mutual suffering on a cold but beautiful morning. Providentially, this was also the morning Yankee Joe thought to bring the fixings of a solid coffeeteria, so we were gratefully able to remain in it for a while after COT. Even YHC partook of the enslaving brew, raising an insulated cup to this awesome fraternity forged in the fires of pain, humility, gratitude, and accomplishment.

    Announcements included some ideas for an amazing Northshore convergence in April–stay tuned for more details, but we’re definitely gonna clown car up there for it if the date works.

    Thanks, again, for the push and the camaraderie this morning, fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • I Wanna Know What Love Is, and I Want Goose to Show Me! – from Goose

    8 PAX arrived by ones and twos for the first ever “Valentine’s Day Tuff” beatdown, and it was clear that these lugs were in need of some educatin’ on the true meaning of love. Thankfully, though YHC may not be a smart man, I know what love is.
    The warmup started with Seal Jacks, which blew everyone’s mind, causing the schismatic tendencies of Yankee Joe, Paradox, and Enron to flare up for the first of the typical ten or so times this beatdown. But, we made it through via synced clapping, which is always a morale booster. Warmup continued with the usuals plus some mountain climbers, high knees, and butt kicks without much of a break between each exercise–YHC knew we needed time for all the lecturing that was to be peppered (heavily) throughout the beatdown.

    We started with a song to get the juices flowing and the cardio system blowing in preparation for another Merkin Mile for time. YHC chose “Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys to illustrate that the earliest, shallowest stages of love pretty much consists of idealism and brain chemicals. Though important to the process, this stage should be endured without making any major decisions or doing anything that can’t be undone. So, we let the “good vibrations” and “excitations” be our trigger words for burpees while SSH’s carried us through the rest of the song. Most idealism driven chemicals come and go pretty quick, especially when real life kicks in, like endless burpees.

    The stage after the initial buzz of being struck by the arrow of love is typically a sort of tunnel vision–it takes over all your thoughts and all your time, and you can’t focus on anything else. What better way to navigate this stage than a manly Tunnel of Love. YHC hearkened back to my VQ exactly three years ago where this routine was one of the highlights. You can’t beat crawling through a sweaty man tunnel fraught with stalactites, stank breath, and butt slaps. Once again, being hit with the reality of life is the only way to safely navigate to this stage.

    The third stage of love is usually defined by a sense that we can conquer the world together, there has never been a love as strong as ours, and we’ll “stay right here forever, until the sky falls down on us”. Again, this is chemicals talking, so still not rooted in reality, but an important part of the process, nonetheless.
    This stage would be experienced by the PAX through completing the weekly Merkin Mile (1 mile run w/25 merkins at each quarter mile), which has been given special attention due to the superhuman efforts of Pommel Horse from Lake Charles setting the bar at 7:47. The PAX started with watches synced and a belief that our determination, desire, and confidence (brain chemicals) would see us through to at least a sub 8:00 time. Alas, reality broke through again–nothing kills determination and confidence chemicals like survival instinct chemicals kicking in somewhere between that second and third set of merkins. Self-preservation is ultimately the enemy of love, and every man felt it this morning. The fastest time was 8:25, which was slower than the previous week’s posting, most likely because of that added block that was mistakenly left out last week. But, the push was, again, impressive, and it set us up well for the next stage.

    So, if love isn’t a feeling, if it isn’t just a natural chemical reaction that runs the risk of fading away when things get tough, then what is it? We’re naturally attracted by the “other-ness” of the other, but it’s exactly that “other-ness” that tends to wear on us over time and cause us to go into self-preservation mode. And, our brains actually can’t handle a non-stop flow of those “in-love” chemicals; they actually have to fade for us to be able to properly function. So, what is love, then?
    IT’S A CHOICE.
    When the body says I need to take care of me, it’s a choice to live for another. When I get tired and want to retreat, it’s a choice to push forward into the mystery, into the pain, into the risk of losing it all because the other is truly worth it, and there is so much beauty yet to be discovered.
    This morning, there was so much concrete, grass, and mud yet to be discovered, and the only way to get better at pushing through the instinct to self-preservation is practice. So, since practice makes perfect, and the number 7 is the symbol of perfection, 7’s it would be.

    We started at the stage with 6 curls (for the girls in our lives) and then block and bear across the field to the sidewalk for 1 thruster before murder bunnying back to the stage for 5 curls, etc. The tenacity of the men was impressive, especially Enron’s, who used his sprint/stop/sprint technique and his long limbs to draft YHC for the duration and then powerfully pass me on the last stretch. Also, Smooth Operator continues to show the same solid determination and drive that’s got him #1 in the rucking category for Run Cajun Run–even once time was called, he refused to stop and finished strong on his last stretch of bunnies. What a beast!
    We didn’t finish the 7’s because we still have a long, long way to go before we’re perfect in our ability to love our wives. So, bring on the blocks, bears, bunnies, merkins, burpees, crying babies, financial unknowns, in-laws, mood swings, and getting older. It’s gonna be a helluva ride.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out. It’s an awesome gift to be able to train not just the body but the mind and heart through F3, and it wouldn’t be possible or nearly as fruitful without you guys. Deeply grateful for the camaraderie this morning, and looking forward to continuing to improve with y’all!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Cold Hands, Warm Hearts, Can’t Lose! – from Lil Cuz

    The game is over, you’re a Champion! You finally accomplished all that you have been working towards and now what…relief? Excitement? What comes next? The greatest players of all time always answer one thing to this question. “Let’s get back to work.” Most elite level athletes allow themselves the night of the biggest wins of their careers to celebrate, but when the next morning comes, they are back to working just as hard as if they are rookies again walking onto the field for the first time. This is the mindset that needs to be sought after in order to continue growing throughout life. Living in humility and knowing you can take care of business when the call comes.

    We may not be Superbowl winning level athletes, but we can apply this same work ethic in our everyday lives. We relax and enjoy our families on Sunday but Monday rolls around and it’s time to get back to work and continue on this path with our cross on our shoulder. We march on, thankful to God for the reprieve of Sunday and thankful to God for the strength to keep moving and working to better ourselves. So this Monday morning, in the cold and in the dark; We got back to work…

    Thang 1:

    Start by Shovel Flag with 50 SSH’s.
    – Sprint to concrete on opposite side of field.
    – Bear Crawl to halfway point of field.
    – Mosey around track back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 25 Merkins.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 15 Burpees.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 50 LBC’s
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 40 Jump Squats.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Thang 2:
    Relay race with the Pax split into 2 teams and team members spread out to the four corners of the Stage track. All Pax doing SSH’s while waiting their turn to run. Runner gets to next Pax on his team and calls a workout of which the next Pax to run would do a set of 15 before running to his next teammate. Two laps and winning team would get to relish in their “prize”. We had some real shiners that chose today to showcase their true speed, and a bunch of racers whose competitive spirit really showed through. The relay was neck and neck the whole way through, but Team 1 pulled out the win in the very last section of the race.

    Winning team would get to choose an additional 5 reps of each workout if they wanted to get the extra burn this morning or could take 5 reps away if they would like to relax. This was chosen in silence between the individual Pax and God, not as a team.

    Thang 3: Back to Thang 1 and this time seemed to be done much slower than the first, and each round felt so much sweeter as we got closer and closer to the end.

    Admittedly, YHC thought that thang 1 would take up much more time, but these fellas came to workout this morning and they weren’t having any slow counts in the cold. Relay race was supposed to be a finishing round but ended up as a middler to really see how far our muscles could be pushed. Everyone pushed so hard to finish and we did it with 1 minute to spare. There was dispute as YHC was under the impression we exercised for an hour during the week but YHC was quickly downvoted and told to lay off the Q-drenaline as we only had 1 minute left.

    :30 – :45 of Mary to close which consisted of 6-inch hold for duration.

    COT, name-o-rama, and Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the backblast name, Wet Tap! Cold Hands, Warm Hearts, Can’t Lose! This really has described the Thibodaux F3 Pax throughout the winter and I can’t wait for the next one.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz

  • Super Bowl Pair-a-Dice (by Pope) – from Goose

    It’s Super Bowl weekend, and YHC was ready to rock, both at the flag this morning and in front of the TV later.
    After warmups, YHC introduced something he devised called “Down for the Count”, where the PAX did merkins in cadence and held Mission Impossible plank after the final rep, holding while counting around the circle in a Ring of Fire fashion, followed by the same thing with squats (holding Al Gore) and leg lifts (six-inch hold).
    Next we headed to the Thunderdome for what YHC dubs “Paradise & Pair-a-Dice”. YHC hit up JBL, who told us what he would do “If I had $1,000,000” (8-count BB on “If I had $1,000,000” with SSH/Imperial walkers in between) before rocking “Gangsta’s Paradise” (penguins during verses, gas pumps during refrain).
    When playing some role-playing games, dice with varying numbers of sides are often used to determine outcomes. Today was no different; the numbers rolled by the dice provided by YHC would decide between life and death for the PAX. Each PAX rolled three dice—a 4-side, a 20-side, and a 10-side (with numbers ranging from 10 to 100). The 4-side indicated the exercise (1: burpees, 2: 8-count BBs, 3: Catalina wine-mixers, 4: SSH) the 20-side gave us the reps for rolls of 1, 2 and 3, and the 10-side set the amount of SSH in the case of a 4 being rolled.
    The PAX then moseyed to the ED White football field, where we split op into two 6-man (or kid) teams. The following game of F3 football brought out two things—the Dion Sanders in Paradox and the “bigger, stronger, fast-ish” in the rest of the Thibodaux PAX.
    Prior to each down, the offense and defense did a set number of 8-count BBs (offense does 1, defense does 5 on 1st down, 2:3 on 2nd down, 3:2 on 3rd, 5:1 on 4th). The initial plan was for a scoring team to do 10 star jumps versus the defense’s 10 burpees, but 1) YHC forgot to mention it and 2) nobody scored. With interceptions by Yankee, Goats and Enron and a sack by Coyote, it was a defense-dominated game. Hmm… prelude to the Super Bowl? Perhaps.

  • The Ultimate Sprint: Outsmarting 5th Graders and Conquering the Grave – from Goats in the Machine

    Today’s workout was a true test of both physical and mental strength. The Ultimate Sprint: Outsmarting 5th Graders and Conquering the Grave was a challenging journey through the pathways and bridges of the Civic Center Park area, aka The Lion’s Den. The air was ideal for a beatdown, and the ground was the perfectly saturated.
    Just before the workout began, First responders, including several police cruisers and an ambulance, rushed to the scene with their lights flashing. When they arrived a Police Officer, Officer grabbed a 10-pound maul and approached the door of a temp building with determination. He raised the maul high above his head and brought it down with a loud crash multiple time. Unable to help and wanting to stay out of the way, the Pax continued with their workout.

    Warm-O-Rama:

    The usual stuff

    The Thang:

    The workout kicked off with wind sprints between the sidewalks in front of the Civic Center. We completed two rounds of sprints, planks in between. This served as a groundwork for the challenging exercises ahead. Additionally, the ground was the perfect level of wet for my Choco sandal theory to be tested. YHC successfully avoided soggy sox by utilizing this footwear method. Unfortunately, planks were kind of awkward.

    Next, we made our way over to Aslan for a musical workout with “Ain’t No Grave” by Molly Skaggs. We performed Grave Diggers with burpee on the “down” and SSH on the interlude (“if you walk out of the grave…”). This was a great test of our endurance as we pushed ourselves to dig deep and keep moving. It also gave us a great view of what seemed to be the most action the TPD has seen in years.

    We then returned to the sidewalks for another round of wind sprints, this time with 4 rounds and a plank break between each. The Pax paused for a brief prayer for the emergency situation that was occurring nearby.

    Afterward, we moved to the bridge for a round of 11’s. This included overhead presses and goblet squats in round 1. Followed by kettlebell swings and BBSUs with the coupon in round 2. The coupon mosey back to Aslan was a welcome break before the final challenge.

    The last challenge was a true test of our intelligence with a game of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” with two teams. Correct answers meant a quick plank and incorrect answers meant 5 BBSUs. With questions ranging from history to science and everything in between, this was a fun and challenging way to end the workout.

    In conclusion, today’s workout was a true test of our physical and mental toughness, and I’m proud of everyone who stepped up to the challenge. The Pax of F3 Thibodeaux are grateful for the first responders who showed up this morning to help someone in need. They were a true testament to the bravery and dedication of those who serve and protect their communities. Until next time, stay strong and keep pushing yourselves!

    COT:

    • Count-O-Rama • Name-O-Rama • Announcements • Prayer Requests

    PS:

    IF you lift1 coupon with 2 hands and 2 toddlers with one hand, then you might be a Thibodaux PAX.
    If you typically spend your 10 count saying “ I used to be able to do that when I was younger” then you might be Yankee Joe.

  • “No disciple is [allowed to be] above his teacher.” – from Goose

    8 strong for Tuesday Tuff this morning, including a highly touted FNG who both serves Tana his daily brew and is served by Yankee Joe in the classroom. Tana noticed his truck pulling in with his eagle-salesman eyes, and so we did side straddle hops as we waited for him to make a lap around the neighborhood before coming back and pulling into the parking lot. Thankfully, YJ was in the road, prepared to physically stop his truck and move it into a parking space rather than allow him to take another lap.

    Warmup consisted of the usual things YHC needs to avoid old man injuries (all 20-count; can’t risk it) plus some high knees, butt kicks, and mountain climbers to kickstart the cardio system in preparation for an all out Merkin Mile.
    Manscape, the new leader of F3 Lake Charles had called out YHC late last week with a time to beat on the Merkin Mile since YHC introduced to them earlier this month. So, unable to back down from the challenge, and seeing the opportunity to measure growth amongst the PAX, we started the morning with a Merkin Mile for time. We went all out, pushing as hard as we could, and took stock of our time so that we could return to it in the coming weeks to track improvement…and, so YHC could put the bar higher than Manscape could reach, at least for a while. Knowing him, he’ll crush it soon enough, but I’ll ride the glory till then. Or, at least I thought I would…

    YHC got off to a good start, cruising beyond the rest of the PAX to a distance that felt like a comfortable lead. But, as we began the turn up through the alley behind the townhomes, I could hear footsteps getting closer. Was it Enron with his little brother superpowers, able to push beyond normal human limitations to beat whoever’s on top? Or was it Paradox, who is superhumanly motivated by any opportunity to push YHC’s buttons? As it turns out, it had nothing to do with YHC–it was Yankee Joe, the curmudgeonly GroupMe troll who is often heard complaining about how he just can’t seem to make progress the way the rest of us seem to, how he just gets too tired too quickly because he’s so darn old. And, yet, there he went, not only passing YHC, but continually increasing the distance all the way back to the flag. His motivation became clear as FNG Parker passed me not too far behind him and stayed right on his heels for the rest of the mile. His form was impeccable, and YHC should have known something was coming when he strapped on his Ralph Macchio headband pre-run. YJ, who didn’t know he had a second gear, also didn’t know he had a third gear, apparently, and that it would only be revealed when his professorly dignity was at stake. Either that, or he’s got the supernatural capacity to pour himself out for his students and loves to have a front seat to see them at their best; though, that sounds a little dramatic.
    Regardless, YHC was proud to see all the PAX pushing harder than usual this morning, and figured they earned a couple of 10-counts before the next movement:

    Song: “Jump” by Van Halen
    Hold a version of plank for the duration, and perform a groiner to jump up (top half of a burpee) at every “jump”. First verse–high plank. Second verse–elbow/chill-cut plank. Guitar/synth solo–Mission Impossible plank (this lasted about 15 minutes).

    Next, it was on to a classic Dora 1, 2, 3. YHC realized we hadn’t done one of these in a while, whereas they used to be a staple, so it was good to get back into it. Partnered up to split duty on the following (Partner 1 chipped away at the rep totals while Parter 2 ran a lap around the sidewalk track): 100 airplanes (1:1–alternating side plank with arm up in the sky), 200 Freddy Mercurys (2:1), and 300 Apolo Onos (1:1).
    While Yankee Joe focused again on running faster than everyone else, the rest of the PAX hammered diligently away at their reps and tried not to trip each other during the Onos. With about a minute left and most of the PAX done, YHC called it for a final minute of high plank and mumblechatter before recovering for COT.

    We took a nice, long time to come up with a name for the FNG, but “French Horn” eventually took the prize. Though it doesn’t have a great, creative backstory, it sounds like a solid F3 name (random, not super flattering), so YHC couldn’t pass it up. We definitely look forward to seeing more of French Horn!

    Announcements, prayer intentions, and Tana prayed us out. Awesome morning, fellas! Thanks for being part of this amazing brotherhood!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Stage Record – from Enron

    With anticipation building of what could be a new Stage record for attendance, YHC nervously arrived in the impossible-to-see foggy gloom to a surprise of multiple pairs of headlights awaiting. Tuesdays have not normally been highly attended, but all the stars had finally aligned to have a “hard commit” (no one ever fartsacks a hard commit) of 11 PAX on the GroupMe. Seeing 4 standing and waiting at 5:20, things were looking up for the record, especially with the surprise arrival of Paradox, aka POOX, and Wilford Montana. The types of compromises and promises that were made to their M’s are unknown, but their presence was welcomed. Vehicles continued to appear along with the arrival of Goose with 300 pounds of coupons in the back of his truck. YHC quickly unloaded one of his 2.0’s dry erase board, as well as additional coupons in set up for what was to come. As 5:30 arrived, a new record had been set. 12 PAX at the stage; this moment will go down in F3 Thibodaux history (which is honestly why this backblast is being forced).
    Warmup:
    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, grass grabbers (with the clap) Windmills, Self-Love, IW, Mountain Climbers and a large group bumper mosey.
    YHC can honestly say that nerves set it during the warmup as leading a large group comes with more Q-dreniline than expected. Counts may have been quicker than usual; mumble chatter was heard in the background regarding the cadence. Nothing out of the norm for Yankee Joe and Paradox and their shenanigans.
    Thang 1 and only 1: Modified Jerf
    A short synopsis/speech was given to instruct all the newer guys on the history of the “Jerf”. A combination of a Murph and a Bruce Lee with a twist from Yankee Joe. Quickly named the Jerf back in September/October by a group of PAX attempting to complete one per off-beatdown day. YHC had some new modifications and additions for today’s TuesdayTuff©. All were presented on the previously mentioned dry-erase easel. The following were completed in order, AMRAP, throughout the next 35 minutes. Although, one exercise was voted out and erased after each completed round. After 5 exercises were eliminated (5 rounds), YHC started to add one back on each round. Exercises are as follows:
    20 Coupon Curls
    20 Coupon Presses
    10 Yard Bear Crawl (this could not be eliminated along with the Crab walk as this was a mode of transportation)
    10 Merkins (eliminated 3rd)
    30 LBCS
    10 Yard Crab Walk (back to coupons)
    10 Merkins
    50 Freddy Mercury’s (1=1)
    20 Skull Crushers (eliminated 1st and also added back later as 10)
    20 Leg Raises (eliminated 2nd and added back later as 10)
    30 Squats (eliminated 4th)

    COT and Goose prayed us out. It was truly an honor to be able to lead this larger group of men today. Hopefully this is a sign of continued growth in our region.
    SYITG,
    Enron

  • Burpeepalooza 2023 (vol. 3) – from Goose

    When Enron asked YHC to switch with him and Q this morning, I asked myself the question, “Is it time for another Burpeepalooza?” and I answered myself the answer, “Why, yes. Yes it is.” Preparation required one hype GIF for the GroupMe and an hour or so of research for songs with repetitive lyrics and good burpee timing. Burpeepalooza 2023 was ready for launch, and YHC was so fired up, I woke before my alarm.

    Oh, and in case I should fail to mention it, new ground was broken last night as YHC reached across a deep, long-standing rift for the sake of a quality beatdown:
    Oontz had been showing some serious inconsistency with volume as of late, and since it would be of absolute necessity for all PAX to hear the trigger words for this beatdown regardless of loud traffic on the highway, there was no doubt about it–it was time to bring in the big guns. YHC knew down deep that BAPS (Big Ass Party Speaker, for the newer guys) was the only one who could handle this kind of weight, so late in the evening, YHC dialed up Yankee Joe. After some initial disbelief and suspicion of being punked (like that one time with JBL), YHC proved himself sincere, and YJ heartily agreed to let BAPS shine. We both shed some healthy tears afterward and slept a little more soundly.

    The warmup this morning had to be seriously substantial. After Lil’ Cuz’s Saturday butt-whoopin’, the soreness was deep and every single muscle was tight. So, given the range of motion burpees require, flexibility would be of the utmost to save the PAX’s joints for the rest of this week’s beatdowns.
    Warm-o-rama: seal jacks, windmills, imperial walkers (so sore), grass grabbers (the “three taps backward with the clap” variety), arm circles, cherry pickers, YJ-led wrist rotations (the non-yoga-demon variety), self-love, tempo merkins (3-count down and 3-count up), mountain climbers, high knees, and butt kicks. Had to cover all the bases, especially for us old guys!

    YHC then introduced the concept of the Burpeepalooza–Enron and Paradox (and the absent Fence Post) were the only ones who had done it before. It’s an entire beatdown of non-stop songs, each having a trigger word or phrase upon which a burpee is executed. Rest between (ha!).

    Here’s the list, played on shuffle so God decides if two or three (or four) hard songs get played in a row:
    “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers–burpees on “gone” and “away”
    “For God is With Us” by For King and Country–burpee on “God is with us”
    “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson–“coconut”
    “Happy” by Pharrell Williams–“Happy” (continuous burpees when they say it really fast)
    “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel–“your eyes” (backup singers count…they’re real people, too)
    “That’s the Way (I Like It)” by KC & the Sunshine Band–“I like it” (Dang.)
    “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone–“come and get your love”
    “Have a Little Faith in Me” by John Hiatt–“have a little faith”
    “Got My Mind Set On You” by George Harrison–“set on you” (Ran out of time for this one, probably because of the ridiculously long warmup)

    This crew was impressive–the mumblechatter continued to be witty and there were no visible signs of discouragement. Muscles were zapped, oxygen was in low supply in the mugginess, and there were some unfulfilled promises of merlot splashing (puking), but spirits remained high as the burpee count continued to quietly climb.
    All said and done, if all triggers resulted in burpees, the count was 245, a record for Thibodaux Burpeepaloozas! And even if some were skipped, most if not all of the PAX did over 200 burpees in 45 minutes! This would have sounded like an impossible feat if this number was shared at 5:29am, but because we were suffering together, distracted by listening for the triggers, and not counting to see how many we had done and how many more we felt like we could rationally do, our bodies outshone even our highest expectations. T-claps especially to the guys who had never done this before and were blindsided this morning!
    COT followed, and we discussed the mistake of trying to measure how much you have left in the tank, both during exercise and throughout our day with family, etc. We can always do more if we live for the person/people around us rather than constantly trying to measure “how much more of this I can take.”
    Q assignments for the rest of the week were finalized, prayer intentions were shared, and YJ prayed us out. It was an honor to get through that with you fellas this morning!

    SYITG (See You in the Gloom),
    Goose