F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • The Emperor’s New Clothes – from Goose

    Before a trip to Goodwill, family and friends will often make a stop by the Dawson house since we have kids of pretty much every size (male and female), so getting a bag of gently used clothes is a relatively frequent occurrence. And, since the decision to utilize the Animal shirt a couple of months ago, YHC doesn’t leave the pile of unwanted clothes destined for the actual thrift store to leave the house without choosing one or two items that might make their way into the F3 Thibodaux structure (or just derail a Q or two).
    For this morning’s Tuesday Tuff beatdown, YHC, the newly crowned King FartSack, chose some form-fitting leggings with a stylish black and gray brushstroke design along with an open concept, black and white striped tank top with knotted straps to highlight the clavicles. A post-beatdown review of this ensemble will be given later in the backblast.

    Warmups of the usual followed by a bumper mosey, then Paradox revealed that he firmly resolved to keep the aquamarine Euro tank top well lodged within the structure of F3 Thibodaux by taking off his jacket. He was wearing said tank top and had stenciled both the front and back with his/Enron’s overactive F3 stencil. I felt known, appreciated, and no longer alone on this weird journey. Bug spray was needed for all the exposed flesh.

    The first Thang was two laps around the track:
    1. Bear crawl across in front of the stage, side shuffle up to the other end, bear crawl across back toward the parking lot, and side shuffle back to start.
    2. Same, but carioca instead of side shuffle.
    (YHC remained in front so the PAX might appreciate the functionality of the leggings.)

    After stopping for a needed 10-count, we moseyed to the start of Rich Man’s Loop for a classic Fartlek–jog three light posts, sprint one. Smooth, again, showed the fruits of posting multiple times a week and the wisdom learned from the Northshore legends over the weekend. (And, FYI: sprinting with just leggings was awesome–like the ancient Olympics, but without the thigh friction.)

    The last thang was a repeat of the burpee timer from a couple of months ago. While one man did 15 burpees, station 1 did non-stop(ish) monkey humpers, station 2 did merkins, and station 3 did wife pleasers. After all four PAX did burpees, we moved on to round two where station 1 was mountain climbers, station 2 was jump squats, and station three was gas pumps.
    With only four men, this ended about five minutes sooner than expected, so YHC ran to the truck to retrieve the Deck of Death for a round of F3 poker. Enron won the hand with three nines, so we completed the exercises on his five cards (100 flutters, 19 Chuck Norris merkins, 90 second plank, 19 high knees, and another bear crawl across the front of the stage).

    With three minutes remaining for Mary, we burnt out whatever remained in the upper abs with a lot of crunchy frogs, heels to heaven, and slow penguins.

    COT with some solid prayer intentions (especially for a big week for Enron and YJ) and Paradox prayed us out.

    Clothing review:
    Shirt–mix of Richard Simmons, Gene Simmons, and a mime from the 70’s. Only difference from being shirtless was the thin layer of protective cloth during Mary.
    Leggings–high rating on functionality, but as Thibodaux lies neither on the East Coast nor the West Coast, they will find their way back into the bag. (Also, if the shirt front hadn’t been as long as it was, we would have definitely been moving into new territory as an F3 community.)

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Dare You to Move – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux tradition dictates that the Holy Week beatdowns crank the intensity on a few levels. On Saturday YHC jumped on an empty Q slot , laid a blueprint, and when I took a step back it was …well, we’ll just say it was a little too heavy. I thought “well I’ll just let that simmer and maybe the lightness will find a way.”
    I then talked with Cardinal (our EH specialist) on Sunday who told me about a new potential FNG he knows from the office of parish support.
    “This guy is perfect “ he said. “He checks all the boxes, Lives in the settlement , natural leader, strong faith, tall and used to be athletic. Was actually in the NBA D league until he had 47 kids. Best known for telling guys who fouled out that he would pray for them. His wife says he just needs some friends and a hobby ya know”

    Perfect ! This is just what we need for Monday. So I routed our warmup mosey to his house and we took a 0.8 mile run to start the beatdown , dropped off the F3 Thibodaux FNG brochure and patted our selves on the back . Mission accomplished!

    Just remember that ole saying kids …Hell hath no fury like a Yankee Jeaux scorned !

    Duke!! It’s Holy Week
    Roll the footage !

    Abbreviated warmup so we had time for our mission.

    Thang 1
    Leave Jerusalem-Then Return

    After returning from a successful FNG visit we Moseyed to Richman Loop on the straight away

    Return with our burdens , shoulder them together

    1 Pax lunge walk with ole hickory to a cone about 20 yards apart
    Rest of Pax mosey ahead to next cone to begin an exercise with lunge as timer.

    SSH
    Merkins
    Coupon OHP
    Med Ball Slams

    Solid cardio/muscle mix here and the Temple cleansing slamball is the best therapy on the market.
    We discussed Whoop/F3 partnerships and Enron showed us all proper Ole Hickory lunge form. A bold move with sheriff Form present but no sirens needed today.

    Mosey back to Stage with our burdens for a few songs to get us in the right mind for Holy Week.

    While I’m waiting -John Waller
    Donkey Kicks in waiting
    Plank for rest

    Dare you to move -switch foot
    Step ups
    Incline merkins on Dare

    COT and Enron Prayed Us Out

    Special intentions for the family of the local officer killed in the line of duty.

    NMM

    Roughly 20 months ago I was home from the wellness center telling my M I was once again “done with the gym”
    I couldn’t sit in an air conditioned building on the treadmill another minute watching reruns of Supernatural then do two reps of bench press and head home. I could do the workout DVDs again but that felt stale. Just so much missing . I was really stuck.

    Fast forward to April 3 2023

    At 5:15 this morning I met 4 other men while wearing a women’s small tank top after enlisting another man to also wear women’s clothing so we could run to another man’s house and enshrine him as King FartSack (which is only humorous because he’s our fearless leader and directly or indirectly he EH’d us all and never misses) plant a sign, take selfies and run back and that was a “warmup”!

    All these men I consider brothers who would be there for me or my family at moments notice.
    All this , from one of these men who made a single phone call to share this gift. This small gesture , a phone call and an invite, truly changed the course of my life and
    I’m constantly reminded that we have these opportunities daily. One smile, one invite, one shared story can be the spark for someone’s dwindling fire.
    The task for myself and our pax this week is to lean into the gospels message, let it transform you and let God lead you into those opportunities for connection and service.

    Dare you to move

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Down Here, it’s Our Time: A Story of Revolution, Nerds, and Kumquats – from Yankee Joe

    Over the course of history, man has always been restless, chafing under any force that threatens his most sacred right: Freedom.

    We’ve seen the proletariat rise up against Louis XIV in France, the Bolsheviks tear down the republic to establish communist Russia, and American colonists rail against the tyranny of taxation without representation. Most recently, there’s trouble down on the bayou that includes Bluetooth factions and wayward Geese flying north for the winter.

    Though history points to a series of causes that lead up to these revolutionary movements, there are usually a couple key moments that trigger the tipping point.

    Perhaps, after years of schisms, history will cite the spark that ignited the Great Rebellion of F3 Thibodaux. Maybe it was leadership deviating from the vision. Maybe it was leadership sowing seeds of division between competing AO’s. Or maybe it was the moment leadership demanded full grown men (seeking fraternity and exercise) to wear women’s clothing.

    Of course, it could be just a function of a college professor desperately trying to maintain some shred of professional decorum in front of PAX that also happen to be his students. Though that professionalism bar is admittedly low, somehow rocking a women’s aqua athletic tank top – with a single euro trash strip in the back – seems…I dunno…a little like credibility suicide.

    Indeed, Live Oak historians will say that I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. Who can say where the road goes? Where the day flows? Only time.

    In our modern era, we see this gross abuse of power best personified in Hollywood. Namely, the varsity letter jacket wearing jock of the 80s and 90s. YHC showed up to the Peltch at 6:29 to find Enron and Paradox most likely planning a beatdown for two. YHC hopped out the minivan with BAPS, a Cindy, and his very own letter jacket. It looked to be a tenacious trio of varsity prowess, brotiful and stUdfast.

    Warmarama: the usual stuff, made more satisfying when, per Enron’s prediction, French Horn tore into the parking lot five minutes late. His presence would be greatly appreciated, as the Horn dismantled YHCs trivia, thus saving the PAX 31 burpees at the end.

    The Thang

    – Mosey to treehouse, nur to stations
    – After each song, sprint to treehouse (approx 100 yards), nur back
    – Complete exercise at station, all 30 reps

    Stations in 30s
    – Squat butterflies with bricks
    – Hold Al Gore, Punch ups with bricks (2:1)
    – Coupon overhead press
    – Groiners

    –———
    Songs

    Song 1
    The Breakfast Club
    Jock: Andrew Clark
    Played by: Emilio Estevez
    Song: Don’t you forget about me
    Exercise: Burpees on “don’t, down, and la,la,la”
    Ssh or IWs in between

    Song 2
    Varsity Blues
    Lance Harbor
    Paul walker
    There goes my hero
    Bird dogs (alternating)
    Chilcutt PPs on refrain

    Song 3
    Back to the future
    Biff Tannen
    Thomas Wilson
    Roll with me Henry
    Burpee on every “roll”
    Bobby Hurley’s otherwise

    Song 4
    Revenge of the Nerds
    Frederick Aloysius palowaski
    Donald Gibb
    One foot in Front of the Other
    One leg hops
    Bonnie Blairs on refrain

    Song 5
    Grease
    Danny Zuko
    John Travolta
    Summer nights
    Pickle pounder when Danny sings
    J los when Sandy sings
    Chilcutt plank jacks when both sing
    Catalinas on chorus

    Max Heart rate Song
    It is Well (with my soul)
    Burpees on “well, soul, God, Christ”

    Namorama and French Horn prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I write this as my last backblast for the Thibodaux PAX. I’ve kept it to myself, but my M and I are embarking on a new journey. As a former account manager at Google and Yahoo, Rebecca has accepted a job with Amazon HQ in Seattle. It’s an opportunity she can’t pass up.

    For me, as some of you may already know, I have a somewhat random passion for farming. Nothing like new beginnings to make one take a risky life plunge. That said, I’ve found a job on a small kumquat farm that specializes in organic kumquat products such as juices, jams, and face creams. It’s obviously a huge change, but I’m really excited. The name of the farm is Kumquat May. So clever…check it out. One of my jobs will include selling kumquat of the month subscriptions. Hope you’ll think of using us for some of your holiday gift ideas. Unfortunately, we don’t have much lead time, so we’re moving the family by end of April. It’s been a huge honor and pleasure getting to know each of you. I’ll be around for a few more beatdowns.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Pyramid and the JERF – from Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up to the Stage only a few seconds late to see the PAX eagerly awaiting a beatdown. Somehow subconsciously, the PAX had unassumingly formed a circle. This instinctive skill must be a defensive mechanism. Never-the-less, despite vomit, monsters, and God Thunder, YHC was ready with a quality Tuesday Tuff beatdown.

    The usual warm-a-rams without haste:
    SSH, high knees, Butt-kicks, arm circles F/R, Self-love

    The JERF goes back as long as time itself. Some say this was the brainchild of Moses, others Ancient Egyptians. I personally believe it pre-dates most of written history. Somewhere in the late 80’s an F3 folk legend names Yankee Jeaux eagerly typed these instructions on his state of the art typewriter (with delete function). The JERF is a mighty foe in itself, yet YHC yearned for more, call it ignorance.

    In typical fashion, the JERF includes 10 sets of:

    10 coupon curls
    30 squats*
    10 merkins
    10yd bear crawl
    10 merkins
    20 American Hammers (2:1)
    30 Lying leg lifts
    20 LBC

    YHC wanted a throw back pyramid training in-between each set. The standard pyramid sprint cycle goes like this:
    50 yd, 100 yd, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100, 50

    The sprints would immediately follow each set.

    The eerie quiet of the PAX made me consider I bit of too much. Perhaps we’d run out of time? With the flash of lightning and rumble of thunder the party began.

    As we climbed the pyramid, all hopes of a low strain were gone; and at the summit a much needed 10 count ^2 let us admire the view. Back to work with high hopes. As we descended the subtle sounds of back against pavement cued Paradox to enforce form police mode. Without even a glance, Paradox can tell if those leg lifts are hittin’ just right!

    Beast mode was attained as Enron hit a 5th or 6th gear, leaving us wondering how and why? The unexpected strength and stamina exhibited by the PAX as we all finished together was something awesome. Leave no man behind was in full force as we all ran a little harder to finish the beatdown ( FrenchHorn-Goose).

    A 2 minute Mary was all we had left, giving us plank hold shoulder taps in sequence and a final 6 “ leg hold slow and steady fall.

    COT and prayer by French Horn
    @Goose, @FrenchHorn, @ Enron, @ Paradox, @Smooth Operator,

  • PawPaw’s Chainlink Beatdown by Smooth Operator – from Goose

    Alright let’s get started, I have been thinking about my PawPaw ever since I been following the discipline of exodus 90. One of the formation packs Suffering well with Christ struck home with YHC. So I decided to make some exercises that represented some aspects of his life that I found especially interesting.

    YHC showed up at the stage around 0445 this morning and started unloading some props. Enron was the first to show up as I was finishing duck taping a slightly damp cement bag together to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart throughout the work out. Lil cuz showed up next followed by Paradox coming in hot around 0510. After some chitchat we jumped into warms up.

    Warm up
    Side straddle hops
    Grass grabbers
    Windmills
    Arm circles both ways
    Cherry pickers
    Butt kickers
    Self love

    Thang 1 Meat rabbit 7’s

    Alright my PawPaws first attempt at entrepreneurship was raising rabbits to provide meat to the little town of Lucy. It did not take off like he hoped and eventually he tore down his rabbit building and moved it to Vacherie to make his fence shop.

    Meat rabbit 7’s are an adaptation of 11’s due to time. The workout by the stage were burpees which we started with 7 and worked down to one. The mode of transport was bunny hops to the side walk and one legged bunny hops switching at every picnic table on the way back. The sidewalk workout was squats from 1 to 7. This one was a lot harder on us than YHC thought it was going to be. Towards the end the bunny hops started to look like horse gallops, but the PAX got it done.

    Thang 2 The Chainlink Circuit

    After my PawPaw got himself a plant operator job, he still had the entrepreneurI’ll itch to start a business. This business was St. Pierre Fence company. It was his pride and joy right behind his 3 sons.

    Alright from here we dove into the fence material circuit. This involved 4 stations due to the 4 PAX members in attendance. The exercise would start and stop with the PAX that flipped the 6’ double knuckled chain link roll end for end to the 2nd picnic table and back to the stage concrete. He was the timer. From there this PAX would move onto the tire beatdown. He would beat an old tire with a large maul until the next PAX member would return with the chainlink roll back to the starting point. After the tire beatdown the PAX member would move onto the 9’ by 2” schedule 40 galvanized fence post exercise which would change every round. 1st round was power clean, squat, shoulder press. 2nd round was curls, and 3rd round was skull crushers. The last station was the 80 lb. cement bag carry. The PAX member would either fireman carry or strongman carry the cement bag from the 1st picnic table across the field to the sidewalk and back.

    The chainlink circuit went exactly like YHC wanted it to go. The PAX got to experience a simulated version of what it’s like to build a chainlink fence. I think my PawPaw would have been proud seeing this exercise.

    Thang 3 Music tribute

    My PawPaw lived with MS throughout the majority of his life. In 2004 he ended up catching a massive stroke and lost his motor functions and ability to communicate. He lived like this for 9 years and ended up passing in 2013.

    YHC put in a couple songs that reminded me of my PawPaw. The first was Cost of living by Ronnie Dunn. The PAX would be doing mountain climbers or planks for the duration and would be doing merkins when the phrase I got a strong back came up. We would continue to perform merkins until the phrase cost of living is high and going up was sang. There was some chatter going on for this song, but we put in some good work.

    The next song was Small town southern man by Alan Jackson. For this song we would be doing Penguins for duration and do some big boy sit up whenever southern man was sang. YHC was begging to hear anything that even remotely sounded like southern man. Those penguins got pretty tough toward the end.

    From seeing my PawPaw suffer for so many years didn’t help my relationship with God. I couldn’t understand why God would make a good man suffer so much. Towards the end I clan remember praying he would pass just to ease his suffering and the strain it was putting on my dad and grandma. After reading Suffering well with Christ I finally understand a little more of what the Lord was doing with him and I am more at peace with it.

    YHC called the work out at 0600 which was followed by COT and Enron prayed us out. Thank you fellas for showing up and doing this one with me. It was a good one.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note – St. Pierre fence is still running today. My dad bought the business from my grandmother and my little brother is currently in charge of operations. I’m proud of them for kept it going and just wish I had the time and craftsmanship to help them out more.

  • Pursuit of Joy VQ by Smooth Operator – from Lil Cuz

    Today I showed up to a couple PAX already standing by Aslan talking amongst themselves as Goose and Kilmer were doing an F3 shirt swap which I didn’t know was a thing until this morning. That’s right, we didn’t scare Kilmer away, so I guess we are doing something right. We had 8 PAX in attendance for my first crack at this Qing thing. So, let’s get started.

    Warm up
    -SSH 12
    -Windmills 12
    -Grass grabbers with the clap 12
    -arm circles forward and reverse 12
    -mountain climbers 12

    Honestly YHC thought that this was the hardest part. Apparently saying a couple phrases and basic arithmetic causes me to struggle, but the PAX coached me up and got me through it. Thanks guys.

    After we finished the dreaded warm ups, we moseyed down to the baseball field outfield fence. From here we discussed the first issue I had been having. A couple weeks ago Paradox talked about the differences between happiness and joy which made me realize there are three categories of happiness. From here we talked about the first category temporarily gratification. A couple examples that were used are, alcohol, drugs, pizza, random hook ups that kind of thing. These are temporary modes of pleasure and should not be something we base our lives around. Which we will get to later.

    Thang 1
    Alright, so the first things I had the PAXs had to do was find a section of 5ft chain link fence that looked suitable for holding their weight because we would be going over this fence. YHC figured that’s when the examples of temporary gratification popped up in his younger years there always seemed to be a fence that had to be jumped to keep from getting in trouble. YHC also figured quite a few of the PAX in attendance had similar experiences. Back to the thang, the Pax would be going up and over the fence and performing 11 Derkins, they would then be going back over the fence and completing 10 more Derkins, this would continue down to 7. 45 total Derkins we’re supposed to be completed but I forgot to mention to stop after 7 so the PAX got a little more shoulder and chest work in. After this we completed the same work out but with squats. From here YHC called it, and we moseyed down to the basketball court.

    Thang 2 was temporarily interrupted by the condition of the basketball court which was littered with trash. The decision was made to take a quick break from the beatdown and be men of action to pick up all the trash in the area. Once this was completed, we had a quick short discussion on what could happen if we get addicted to temporary gratification. From here YHC had 5 suicides on the books for the PAX to complete but due to the cleanup operation. YHC decided to knock it down to 3 suicides which was plenty hard enough.

    Thang 2
    Suicides
    These suicides were performed exactly as YHC remembered them going as a teenager. The PAX would start at one baseline and sprint to the closest free throw line and run back to the initial baseline. From here Pax would run to the half court line and then back to the baseline. After we headed on down to the opposite free throw line and back to the baseline. From here we ran down to the opposite baseline and back. That completed one suicide and we knocked out three.

    After this we moseyed down to the stairs on the front of the civic center. About halfway there, YHC almost got to see his bean and cheese enchiladas that he had for supper the night before. But we pushed on to the towering staircases.

    Once at the stair cases, we jumped straight into the thang instead of discussing a more permanent happiness due to our eagerness for more shared suffering.

    Thang 3
    The work out was rocky balboa’s which involved two PAX standing on the bottom of the staircase with one foot on the bottom step and the other on the concrete. They would alternate feet repeatedly until the next two Pax inline completed their timer exercises, which happened to be 10 burpees. The rest of the PAX would be doing planks at this time. After the timers went off the PAX doing balboas would sprint up the stairs and down the adjacent staircase and would be performing Al Gores until completion.
    Upon completion, YHC had the PAX repeat exercise except the stair work out was box jumps which was both feet on ground then both feet on the stairs jumping back and forth until the timer went off.

    After the completion of the exercise we then had a discussion on a more permanent happiness with examples such as, Listening to good music, traveling, art, finding the right kinda friends. And then we moseyed back to Aslan.

    Once at Aslan, we discussed transcending joy with examples such as, finding a good life partner, bringing kids into the world, finding and maintaining a relationship with the Big Man.

    Thang 4
    Thang 4 required YHC to acquire some tech support from Goose and Kilmer but since my 10 year old Milwaukee job site radio works when it wants. We did the first song a classic Rocket Man by Elton John by just iPhone sound, and it didn’t have the effect YHC was hoping for.

    So we push along through the tech issues and planked during the duration of the song and did half burpees when the words high, long, and man came up in the song. It should have been about 40 half burpees but it was hard to hear with the passing traffic.

    After this Goose and Kilmer got the radio working and we completed the next song workout as YHC intended. The next song was Last dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty. We did LBC throughout song and big boy sit-ups when ole Tom referred to himself or Mary Jane which should have been around 30 big boy sit ups. The kicker was holding 6” during the instrumental portions. YHC called it at 0600 on the dot. It was quite a sight to see all the sweat prints on the concrete.

    After this we had COT during which Cardinal aka the animal picked Tana to be the next animal due to his quiet Ragnar like abilities to kick this beatdowns butt. Yankee Joe used his eloquent impromptu praying abilities and prayed us out. Thanks to all the PAX for coming out, that was one fun train wreck of a beatdown, and I learned a lot. Hopefully Monday will be even better.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note: Cardinal said it best “don’t settle for fleeting happiness but seek enduring joy”. This animal truly gets it.

  • How To Bear Your Soul – from Yankee Joe

    YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.

    Warm-up
    – Side straddle hops
    – Windmills
    – OG Grassgrabbers
    – Arm circles forward
    – Arm circles backward
    – Cherry pickers
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bumper mosey

    Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.

    Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.

    So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.

    C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.

    So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.

    ————————————-
    The First Thangggg

    Paddington Bear

    As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.

    The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.

    To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.

    – One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.

    – Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.

    Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
    ————————————-
    The Second Thangggg

    Winnie the pooh

    Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
    He’s Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Willy nilly silly old bear

    Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.

    – Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
    – Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders

    Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”

    —————————————–
    The Third Thangggg

    The Yogi Bear Circuit

    Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.

    But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.

    It goes a little something like this…
    – Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
    – Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins

    Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:

    40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.

    COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.

    “Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.

    Next stop…Manniversary

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Joe

  • The Big Shamrock’s Birthday Bash – from Lil Cuz

    As I’m sure many of you are aware, today is a very special day. Today we celebrate the birth of Big Shamrock himself. AKA Hobo Master, AKA The Big Banana, AKA The Big Galactus,
    AKA Witness Protection, AKA Manny Shaq-Iaou, AKA MayorMcShaq,or more commonly
    known as Shaquille O’Neal AKA Shaq.

    Typical Warm up with the added blessing of a Cajun recipe shared by Enron that got all Pax riled up wanting to know how to make Fake Turtle Soup. Crowd went wild as he explained the intricacies of such a delicacy that most of the circle couldn’t help but dry heave as he blasted the remnants from last night across everyone’s assaulted nostrils. Mouths were open…

    Thang 1:

    Trivia Questions:
    If Correct – 34 – Freddy Mercs (2:1), or Flutter Kicks (2:1), or LBC’s (1:1)
    If Wrong – 32 Squats (1:1)

    1. What year was Shaquille O’Neal born? Incorrect

    – 1972

    2. What position was Shaq selected in the 1992 NBA Draft? Incorrect

    – Round 1; Pick 1

    3. How many NBA Championships has Shaq won? Incorrect

    – 4

    4. What is Shaq’s rap name? Correct

    – Big Diesel

    5. Name one of Diesel’s 4 album releases: Correct

    – Shaq Diesel
    – Shaq Fu: Da Return
    – You Can’t Stop the Reign
    – Respect

    6. What famous artist featured Diesel on his album titled “HIStory”? Incorrect

    – Michael Jackson

    7. How tall was Shaq by the age of 10? Correct

    – 6’ 4”

    8. What was Shaq’s free throw career percentage? Incorrect

    – 52.7%
    – FUN Fact: He once missed all 11 of his free throw attempts in a game against
    the Seattle SuperSonics on December 8, 2000, which is the current record.

    9. What is Shaq’s 3-pointer career percentage? Incorrect

    – 4.5% or 1 in 22 attempts

    10. Shaq was nominated for 3 Golden Raspberry Awards for his work in film, what was one
    of the categories nominated? Correct
    – Worst New Star
    – Worst Actor
    – Worst Supporting Actor

    Honestly expected going into this portion we would have way more ab type workouts to do and instead we did so many more squats which would prove to be detrimental once we got to Thang 3…more on that later. Enron has got his best CPA co-workers on the calculations as we got reminded this morning math is not his strong suit, and Dox sent his wife to brainstorm with the other doctors as they are all hard at work calculating the exact number of squats performed this morning. We all wait with sore quads in anticipation to know how manly our legs will be tomorrow morning upon waking up. Word is Goose has gone home to study for Kobe Bryant’s birthday to be better prepared come August. Now with our fresh knowledge that will definitely be on the test at the end of the semester, we moved into our training and competition.

    Thang 2: Cone Dribbling Drill
    1. Each Pax on a team must dribble through the cone course and return back to the team then the next pax can go.
    2. While the Pax is dribbling the rest of the team will do various workouts until Dribbling
    Pax is done.

    1. SSH (1:1)
    2. Flutter Kicks (2:1)
    3. Squats (1:1)
    4. LBCs (1:1)
    5. Al Gore (1:1)
    6. 6” Inch hold (1:1)

    Team wins when each team member has dribbled twice through the course. Winning team
    receives nothing but props for being better ball handlers than the other team. Side Note: YHC neglected to mention that this was a race until near the second lap and this probably is the reason Team 2 lost. No excuses though, Team 2 just needs to start dribbling practice for Big Shamrock’s Birthday next year. First practice is Wednesday at 9pm after kids go to bed. See you guys at the Lion’s Den. Team 1, find your own place to practice!

    Thang 3: 11’s
    Burpee (1:1)
    – Mosey with #1’s pointing to Sky to opposite Sidewalk
    Apolo Ohnos (2:1)
    – Nur Back with Hand held up like after just making 1st (and only) Career 3-
    pointer

    This portion was simply put here to make sure all the whoopers could show their strain to the rest of the world. Looking forward to those screen shots fellas. Also, all those incorrect answers and squats really piled on to make this thang increasingly difficult. The ANIMAL himself recognized another ANIMAL in his midst and I believe it was the grit and determination Cardinal showed to complete this monster of strain pushed him over the edge to be gifted the peeled back sweat covered shirt off Smooth and is Monday’s ANIMAL. (Which will be gifted on Thursday due to unforeseen conflicts for a Tuesday Tuff).

    4MOM potlock style with Goose throwing in the crowd favorite Dr. W’s and Dox finishing us
    off with his ever famous Dolphin Hops. Gotta love em! (Cuz we do them so much).

    COT and Paradox prayed us out!
    Great Birthday celebration today fellas, and thanks for putting up with Enron’s fake turtle soup recipe long enough to get through another beatdown.

    SYITG,

    Lil’ Cuz, AKA Cuz Master, AKA The Big CUZ, AKA, Manny Cuz-Iaou, AKA MayerMcCuz,
    or more commonly known as Cuz.

  • Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose

    Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
    We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
    To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
    The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
    At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
    Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
    SYITG, Pope

  • Huff, Puff, and Beatdown – from Goats in the Machine

    Warm-O-Rama

    Sub-contracted to goose due to the Q’s tardiness

    THANG 1: Story of the 3 little pigs

    Once upon a time, three little pigs decided to leave their mother’s house and build their own homes. The first little pig built his house out of straw
    • Pig 1 built a house of straw – 4 bodybuilders. Wind sprint to the parking lot

    the second little pig built his house out of sticks
    • Pig 2 built a house of sticks – 8 bodybuilders. Wind sprints to the last picnic table

    and the third little pig built his house out of bricks.
    • Pig 3 built a house of bricks – 12 bodybuilders. Wind sprints to the opposite sidewalk

    One day, a big, bad wolf came and knocked on the door of the first little pig’s straw house. “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!” said the wolf. But the little pig replied, “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!”
    • 20 LBCs (symbolizing the wolf huffing and puffing at the straw house)

    The wolf huffed, puffed, and blew the straw house down. The little pig ran to his brother’s house made of sticks.
    • PAX to run a loop

    But the wolf followed him and knocked on the door. “Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!” said the wolf. But the two little pigs replied, “Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins!”
    • 20 LBCs (symbolizing the wolf huffing and puffing at the straw house)
    • 20 reps of merkins (symbolizing the wolf trying to break down the stick house)

    The wolf huffed, puffed, and blew the stick house down. The two little pigs ran to their brother’s house made of bricks.
    • PAX to run a loop

    But the wolf followed them and knocked on the door. “Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!” said the wolf. But the three little pigs replied, “Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins!”
    The wolf huffed and puffed but couldn’t blow the brick house down. So, he climbed onto the roof and tried to come down the chimney. But the clever little pigs had a pot of boiling water waiting for him, and the wolf fell into the pot. The pigs covered the pot with a lid and boiled the wolf alive.
    • 20 LBCs (symbolizing the wolf huffing and puffing at the straw house)
    • 20 reps of merkins (symbolizing the wolf trying to break down the stick house)
    • 20 reps of air squats (symbolizing the wolf climbing the brick house and falling down the chimney)

    From that day on, the three little pigs lived happily ever after in their sturdy brick house, knowing that hard work and determination always pay off in the end.

    THANG 2: a game called “Beat the Wolf”

    The Pax Break into groups of 4. 3 PAX represents each of the pigs. (4 PAX will be pigs for teams of 5). 1 PAX is the Wolf.

    The 3 pigs plank. When the wolf arrives at a pig, the pig then calls an exercise for a 10-rep count. Whoever completes the task the fastest wins and becomes the pig in the plank position. The loser becomes the Wolf and moves on to the next Pig. Rinse and repeat. If a pax is a wolf 3 times in a row, he can do 5 penalty burpees to become a pig or remain the wolf.

    Thang 3
    • Elevens: overhead hand claps & calf raises, transport with bear crawls and walking leg kicks

    Mary
    • Pax Potluck Mary

    • COT • Announcements • Intentions • Smooth Prayed us out

    Moleskin
    YHC was running late, as usual, this morning. T-Claps to Goose for keeping the train on the tracks. YHC is grateful for the PAX transporting themselves to the 19th-century American countryside for a cheese fable-based beatdown. Hopefully, the storyline aided the pax in exerting maximum physical output with a minimal mental load. To be honest, YHC thought it would take longer than it did and wishes we would have taken a victory lap after the last round. In Thang 2 we continued the man-vs-man theme that has been popping up in previous beatdowns. T-claps to Smooth Operator for using a strategy that created an advantage with his short arms and impeccable bear crawling skills. Additionally, Yankee Joe can up with some crazy core-based stuff that exposed YHC’s lack of core strength (again). With this extra time to spare YHC called for Elevens and showed mercy by way of overhead claps and calf raises. Based on the mumble chatter, YHC will not show this type of mercy again.

    Thanks to all for going along with this goofy-themed beatdown and putting up with my tardiness.