F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Be the Rock! – from Goldilocks

    Goldilocks showed up to the Lion’s Den fifteen minutes early to a bit of a drizzle. No one was there which made Lox’s heart thump a little bit. Did he come to the place? However, Goose and Pope showed up which made his little heart calm down. The rest of the Pax showed up to Goldilocks’ VQ and we were ready to roll.

    The warmups were the normal: SSH, Wind Mills, Imperial Walkers, arm circles, cherry pickers, and some self love. Lox was excited and his cadence may have been quicker then the Pax was accustomed too, but it got the job done!

    Thang #1

    Lox then revealed the theme: St. Peter, the Rock of the Church. The Pax would follow in his footsteps as seen in the last chapter of the Gospel of John. This would begin with an Indian Run with the last person doing five merkins before sprinting to the front. St. Peter was running away from his vocation, and was a little proud so the Pax needed to get their chest big like him. He was also a fisherman so DJ Dox and his faithful sidekick JBL played some drunken sailor tunes for us. Members like Smooth and Michelin kicked into high gear and sprinted faster than the eye can see, but Cardinal still slowed down the pace (guess he didn’t wanna run too far from our Lord).

    Thang #2

    Bear crawl into 14 Bonnie Blair’s and 15 Diamond Merkins followed by crab walk into 14 J Lo’s and 15 squat jumps (x3) 29 reps on each side. June 29th is St. Peter’s Feast Day.

    Lox then brought us to the next part of the Pax’s journey with St. Peter. The Lord had asked Peter, “Do you love me more than these?”. Peter responded, “Yes, Lord you know that I love you.” Jesus then told him to feed his sheep. So the Pax would get at feeding dem lambs! This would entail a bear crawl to chase after the lost sheep catching them with some lunges and merks, but then the Pax had to bring the sheep back home with a bear crawl and the celebrate the return of lost sheep with some J Lo’s and squat jumps. DJ Dox gave us some Bieber to inspire us to work admit not knowing what the Lord was up to.
    The Pax felt good after only doing this once (Econdoline hadn’t even given us a grunt yet!) Lox then crushed their spirits reminding the Pax that the Lord asked the same question a second time. So the Pax got after it again for round 2. DJ Dox hit us up with some Queen and Econdoline gave us his famous grunts. Meanwhile Cardinal was still smoking all of us in crab walking, and Smooth was showing us his hips don’t lie with those sets of J Lo’s which would inevitably win him GiGi.
    The Pax crawled in after round 2 only to get hit again with the same thang. The Lord had asked Peter a third time, leading Peter to frustration. Lox hit the Pax with round 3, which led to the same response. Round 3 showed us what was really happening. Dox was tired of Cardinal smoking the Pax in crab walks, so he played some defense and sacrificed himself to get in the way of the flaming Cardinal, only slowing him down a bit. What a courageous solider that Dox is! Michelin showed some real heart as Lox yelled at the Pax to BE THE ROCK! This would win him Animal! Goose still finished first as always.

    Thang #3

    The Pax ended with some Mary, knowing that it is only with her help that we can follow the Lord admits trial and tribulation.

    Lox is super grateful for these F3 brothers, and is inspired everyday by their unwavering commitment to each other and to their own health. Keep going strong and be that rock! COT and pray led by Michelin closed us out.

  • July 4 America USA – from Goose

    YHC and Pope rolled up a little earlier than usual this Independence Day morning, hopeful that the day off of work would mean a bigger crowd than usual for Tuesday Tuff, and this PAX did not disappoint. Smooth and Michelin were already there at 5:00am, but Pope and I were still able to sneak over to the bumper area to set up some cones without anyone noticing. By 5:15, there were 12 strong ready for a patriotic sweat fest.

    Yankee had pulled off the perfect EH by picking up an FNG, the would-be Honeysuckle. We can all learn from this–it’s much harder to fartsack when someone’s sitting in your driveway. (Maybe that’s what we need to do for some of these “hc” specialists.)

    The warmup was frought with mumblechatter and unnecessary exercise explanations (YHC though it important to go into the details of how to execute the complex “high knees” exercise–I almost pulled out YouTube for some demonstration videos).

    We then moseyed to the bumper, YHC carrying BAPS into his first ever Bleep test performance. Once the PAX saw the cones, dread spread quickly. There were only a few who didn’t know what they meant, who hadn’t yet experienced YHC’s fascination with the layers of mental and physical dynamics at work within the Bleep test. This morning, YHC connected it to our celebration of the birth of our nation by pointing out that the defining moments, the heroic and selfless acts that have become the cornerstones of our identity as a nation would not have happened, would not have been possible without countless Americans pushing through countless unrecognized and seemingly meaningless difficulties, day in and day out. The bleep test is just a 20 meter (65-ish American feet) run, done over and over. That’s it. You just gotta decide to turn around and do it again, especially when you really don’t want to. And, the only reason we do this is because the man beside us, who we care about is doing it, because we want to get better together, because we want to be a part of something bigger than us, something meaningful that was earned through shared suffering. And so, we did. Nobody earned a medal (no participation trophies or rewards for softball music trivia), we just decided to keep doing another lap. And, if you didn’t make it before the beep, you stepped off to the side to plank up or complete 20 merkins to buy your way back in. Why? Because that’s where your brothers are suffering, and there’s no better place to be!

    YHC usually lets Paradiddle and Pope push him to the limits to be the last man standing, but this morning, having heard that the FNG was an ultra-marathon runner, YHC made a subconscious decision that if it ended up being him and me left at the end, that I would go no further, as long as the previous record of 70 lengths was broken. And, that’s exactly what happened. Paradox and Pope pushed farther than they have in the past, even without Paradiddle, but they dropped off somewhere in the high 60’s, which left YHC with Honeysuckle moving into #75. And, though I wondered how much he had in him, how well distance training translated into shuttle running, I was too winded to actually care and pulled up short before finishing #76. Honeysuckle was gonna keep going had YHC not called it, and though I was curious to see how long he could have gone, he seemed to appreciate the break.

    After moseying back to the flag, we circled up for song #1. BAPS lit us up with Ray Charles’s rendition of “America the Beautiful”. We held Al Gore for the duration and did Bobby Hurleys for every “America” and every old English words (“thee”, “thine”).

    Song #2 was the Armed Forces medley, which gave us the opportunity to work the core in a variety of ways. During the Marines portion, we did flutter kicks, Navy = boat/canoe, Army = American Hammers, Coast Guard = Scuba Steves, and Air Force = gas pumps.

    After this, YHC had a general idea for how we could focus on America’s unique sense of humor exemplified by the origin of the song “Yankee Doodle” and how it became a sort of theme song for the Americans during the Revolutionary War (look it up)–basically, we Americans are proud, but we’re good at not taking ourselves too seriously.
    I think it took more time for YHC to explain the story and then the routine (counting off, counting off within the count-off, naming teams and then teams within the teams, demonstrating the exercises, redirecting Yankee Joe) than it did to actually do the routine. I mean, it was a little challenging, a little fun to watch people try to Grouch-walk quickly, but ultimately, it was too complicated, and we ultimately scrapped it in order to get back to the flag in time.
    The routine was four corners on the sidewalk track: 1. Wacky Jacks, 2. Goofballs, 3. Miami Nighclubs (Moroccans with a step back and to the side), 4. Air Presses. The first member of the team would Groucho walk to the next corner while all members performed the exercise of their corner until they were relieved by a teammate Groucho walking toward them. It was supposed to look ridiculous, which it did, but most were lost in the endless explanations and directives given throughout. I hope at least the passing cars got a kick out of it.

    At 5:58, we had to rush back to the flag for the Star Spangled Banner–we laid on our sixes and held our feet six inches off the ground for the duration of Whitney Houston singing it live with a big band. Unfortunately, though, the drama and emotion were drowned out by the pain in the lower abdominal region, and it went the route of most songs used in F3–categorized under “hatred” and “PTSD”–especially given how long she held out “…braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!”

    COT and the FNG became Honeysuckle thanks to Econoline’s immediate wit, which made the PAX wonder if he’s been sandbagging this whole time–nobody has that much brain function at the end of a beatdown these days.
    Announcements including Goldilocks’s upcoming VQ, and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • It’s Gonna Be a Good Day – from Paradiddle

    YHC has recently felt the fire within and has been trying to recruit new pax to join this lovely cult that we call a club (both F3 and WHOOOPgang). You see, today was supposed to be a big day for one of our own. After a Friday evening prethang with Goldilocks, as we prepared our bodies (and thighs) to be sculpted into the most beautiful figures mankind could ever lay eyes on – thanks to YankeeJoe, Goldilocks, after a little peer pressure from YHC, agreed to VQ today. After a small but strong showing on Saturday, YankeeJoe had me convinced that all of the pax were out of town on the beach, pina-colada with tiny umbrella in hand. YHC was merely looking out for Goldilocks (locks, or is it lox?) by wanting a strong showing at his VQ. Locks agreed, even seeming excited to have a bit more time to prepare for the chaos he wishes to unleash upon us all this coming Thursday.

    YHC arrived with two minutes to spare (impressive, right?) to find a full showing of pax, coupons already unloaded, cheeks clenched, and mumble chatter strong. YHC was happy, and with a big smile, we began.

    Warmups were the usual not knowing how to count off anything in cadence and consisted of:
    – SSH
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers (w/ the clap)
    – Open the Gates (bringing something new)

    Mumble chatter was strong and YHC was so distracted that he nearly just got right in to the beatdown. Thanks to Lil’ Cuz piping up, we actually stretched our arms (and we needed to):
    – Arm circles
    – Cherry pickers

    THANG ONE
    – Indian run w/ 3 caboose burpees
    DJ DOX was quick to be ready with ever faithful JBL, and YHC just about put him in the grave when the decision to run in silence was announced to the pax. Sometimes you just have to be alone with those inner demons and face them head on. The pace was set and kept for the run with the exception of the ever popular Cardinal-pace. We stopped midway back to the stage for a group circle of 30 Bonnie Blair’s so that we could get a bonus burn in the thighs.

    THANG TWO
    – Step Up’s & LBC’s w/ Coupons
    YHC’s current favorite tv character, Mr. Ted Lasso, has a way with people. His positivity is contagious, and many of his colleagues are often annoyed with his upbeat nature and attitude. I feel similar to Ted here. Some of the pax like to acknowledge my smile when running the Diddle Death March and other popular exercises. After my dear Ted got put down in GroupMe last night (not gonna name names *honk*), I was inspired with this routine.

    The song was “Good Day” by Nappy Roots – a real bop , frfr. We would do lbc’s with coupons on the verses and step up’s on the chorus for the duration of the song. This was sure to get the pax in a great mood this morning! We can make the decision to make it a good day from the moment we sit up in bed (lbc’s) and take our first steps of the day (step up’s).

    Mumble chatter and grunts were at a minimum, but Cuz did set the record for the most amount of bird poop anyone has laid in.

    THANG THREE
    – Merkin Mountain
    After Yankee Joe’s inspirational sharty beatdown on Saturday, YHC might have a new favorite exercise – the Merkin Mountain. YHC adapted this gem into what I’m now calling the Merkin Flatlands (which might just be tougher than the mountain – Dox I repent of saying this would be easier, I was wrong).

    We would begin with one merkin, take one step(?) in a bear crawl, two merkins, two steps in bear crawl , three merkins, three steps in bear crawl, etc until we reached 18 merkins (thanks to Cuz who remembered how many the mountain had, but im pretty sure he remembered because he got to the top right behind shari’ah and stomped the rest of us).

    This…proved to be difficult. After hearing Econoline’s thunderous grunts from afar, YHc had to pivot and reduce the mountain to 15 merkins. Those 51 pushups really would have ate our lunch.

    THANG FOUR
    – Dora
    – 100 overhead press w/ coupon
    – Partner runs a lap
    – 200 Bonnie Blair’s
    – Partner Murder Bunny’s to the second picnic table & back
    – 300 Squats
    – Partner does mountain climber’s til he tags out and swaps

    The pax plowed through the over head press and running portion, and YHC was downright inspired by Smooth making that coupon look like he was lifting a box of Kleenex above his head.

    Goose, to no surprise after May’s ISI challenge, set the pace with the Bonnie Blair’s. This is where things got challenging. Murder Bunnies are rightly named, and the pairing with Bonnie Blair’s should have had them named something even more sinister. YHC was grateful for Pope absolutely destroying the majority of our 200.

    We timed out during the 300 squats so that we could get 60sec of Mary in.

    Leg raises and flutter kicks took us out.

    *I remain ever grateful for men that continue to push one another in their fitness and their virtue. It is not lost on me that most beatdowns go by and no one complains, no one grumbles, no one brings the spirit down. This is one of the first things that made me stick around F3. I know it is a part of our culture here in F3 Thib, and we would make Ted proud.*

    “Futbol (F3) is life!” – Dani Rojas

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • Gonna Have a Good Day – from Paradiddle

    YHC has recently felt the fire within and has been trying to recruit new pax to join this lovely cult that we call a club (both F3 and WHOOOPgang). You see, today was supposed to be a big day for one of our own. After a Friday evening prethang with Goldilocks, as we prepared our bodies (and thighs) to be sculpted into the most beautiful figures mankind could ever lay eyes on – thanks to YankeeJoe, Goldilocks, after a little peer pressure from YHC, agreed to VQ today. After a small but strong showing on Saturday, YankeeJoe had me convinced that all of the pax were out of town on the beach, pina-colada with tiny umbrella in hand. YHC was merely looking out for Goldilocks (locks, or is it lox?) by wanting a strong showing at his VQ. Locks agreed, even seeming excited to have a bit more time to prepare for the chaos he wishes to unleash upon us all this coming Thursday.

    YHC arrived with two minutes to spare (impressive, right?) to find a full showing of pax, coupons already unloaded, cheeks clenched, and mumble chatter strong. YHC was happy, and with a big smile, we began.

    Warmups were the usual not knowing how to count off anything in cadence and consisted of:
    – SSH
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers (w/ the clap)
    – Open the Gates (bringing something new)

    Mumble chatter was strong and YHC was so distracted that he nearly just got right in to the beatdown. Thanks to Lil’ Cuz piping up, we actually stretched our arms (and we needed to):
    – Arm circles
    – Cherry pickers

    THANG ONE
    – Indian run w/ 3 caboose burpees
    DJ DOX was quick to be ready with ever faithful JBL, and YHC just about put him in the grave when the decision to run in silence was announced to the pax. Sometimes you just have to be alone with those inner demons and face them head on. The pace was set and kept for the run with the exception of the ever popular Cardinal-pace. We stopped midway back to the stage for a group circle of 30 Bonnie Blair’s so that we could get a bonus burn in the thighs.

    THANG TWO
    – Step Up’s & LBC’s w/ Coupons
    YHC’s current favorite tv character, Mr. Ted Lasso, has a way with people. His positivity is contagious, and many of his colleagues are often annoyed with his upbeat nature and attitude. I feel similar to Ted here. Some of the pax like to acknowledge my smile when running the Diddle Death March and other popular exercises. After my dear Ted got put down in GroupMe last night (not gonna name names *honk*), I was inspired with this routine.

    The song was “Good Day” by Nappy Roots – a real bop , frfr. We would do lbc’s with coupons on the verses and step up’s on the chorus for the duration of the song. This was sure to get the pax in a great mood this morning! We can make the decision to make it a good day from the moment we sit up in bed (lbc’s) and take our first steps of the day (step up’s).

    Mumble chatter and grunts were at a minimum, but Cuz did set the record for the most amount of bird poop anyone has laid in.

    THANG THREE
    – Merkin Mountain
    After Yankee Joe’s inspirational sharty beatdown on Saturday, YHC might have a new favorite exercise – the Merkin Mountain. YHC adapted this gem into what I’m now calling the Merkin Flatlands (which might just be tougher than the mountain – Dox I repent of saying this would be easier, I was wrong).

    We would begin with one merkin, take one step(?) in a bear crawl, two merkins, two steps in bear crawl , three merkins, three steps in bear crawl, etc until we reached 18 merkins (thanks to Cuz who remembered how many the mountain had, but im pretty sure he remembered because he got to the top right behind shari’ah and stomped the rest of us).

    This…proved to be difficult. After hearing Econoline’s thunderous grunts from afar, YHc had to pivot and reduce the mountain to 15 merkins. Those 51 pushups really would have ate our lunch.

    THANG FOUR
    – Dora
    – 100 overhead press w/ coupon
    – Partner runs a lap
    – 200 Bonnie Blair’s
    – Partner Murder Bunny’s to the second picnic table & back
    – 300 Squats
    – Partner does mountain climber’s til he tags out and swaps

    The pax plowed through the over head press and running portion, and YHC was downright inspired by Smooth making that coupon look like he was lifting a box of Kleenex above his head.

    Goose, to no surprise after May’s ISI challenge, set the pace with the Bonnie Blair’s. This is where things got challenging. Murder Bunnies are rightly named, and the pairing with Bonnie Blair’s should have had them named something even more sinister. YHC was grateful for Pope absolutely destroying the majority of our 200.

    We timed out during the 300 squats so that we could get 60sec of Mary in.

    Leg raises and flutter kicks took us out.

    *I remain ever grateful for men that continue to push one another in their fitness and their virtue. It is not lost on me that most beatdowns go by and no one complains, no one grumbles, no one brings the spirit down. This is one of the first things that made me stick around F3. I know it is a part of our culture here in F3 Thib, and we would make Ted proud.*

    “Futbol (F3) is life!” – Dani Rojas

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • Get Sharty – from Yankee Joe

    YHC arrived at The Peltch with high hopes of a large PAX. Sure, I only sent out five pre-hypes and sure, nobody actually HC’d. That said, nobody said they WEREN’T posting. Nobody said, “Hey, I know you are going to spend hours putting together a beatdown, and I hate to miss it, but we’re heading out of town.” As Montana would say from his vacay on the beach right now, “ya hate to see it.” I assume he’s at the beach. I have no idea.

    In planning the beatdown, I didn’t want to sell the PAX SHORT. I worked hard to ensure SHORTness of breath so that mumblechatter would be in SHORT supply. Though many of the PAX are under six feet, we make up for our SHORT stature in other ways. After seeing Goose’s seven inch vents and 3 inch inseams on his SHORTS the other day, I knew what had to be done. I couldn’t guarantee someone wouldn’t have an accident and SHART themselves, but today is all about the SHORT SHORTS or wet sharts depending on who you ask. The beatdown would celebrate four icons of short shorts.

    As I was saying, with my short shorts all up in a twist, YHC was excited to ultimately welcome five other PAX. With Paradiddle and Goldilox keeping up their posting streak and Paradox rolling in with some turquoise peeking out of his collar, the forecast looked bright. Lil’ Cuz sauntered in, but apparently couldn’t convince his M to loan him some shorts. His 10” inseams were a bit awkward. YHC was really looking forward to those pearly white legs.

    Most importantly, YHC was expecting an FNG. A former student and helluva beast first baseman for Nicholls (keep in mind, Nicholls beat the current College World Series champions this year), YHC was excited to have him in the mix. He emerged on the other end in much better condition than the rest of us, along with the new name, Shart’eh. He’s Canadian. He likes to say, “eh.” You put the rest together.

    We had 40 penalty burpees already on the books. The PAX had three trivia questions worth burpee deductions to be decided in fully transparent and biased fashion by the Q.

    Warmarama

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    High knees
    Mountain climbers

    Thang 1: Shartin’ to the Oldies

    Trivia #1: Where is Richard Simmons originally from?

    Answer: New Orleans (nobody got it)

    Song: Short shorts (The Royal Teens) – In high plank, 2 Groiners on “short shorts”; Shoulder taps during rest

    Plank Fonda X 15 each side (Jane Fonda’s in high plank with full arm extension)
    These were really hard. YHC is adding them to every beatdown moving forward.

    Star jacks X 15 IC

    Patty cake merkins w/ partner X 15 (P1 and P2 in merkin position facing each other. Merkin in sync, slap opposite hands at top of merkin…like patty cake.

    Transport: Mosey to ED White bleachers listening to “In Da Club”

    ——————————————————————————————————–
    Thang 2: If He Dies, He Dies

    Trivia #2: In 1975, Chuck Wepner fought Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight championship. Wepner was not expected to last more than a few rounds. Wepner even knocked Ali down in a near KO. Wepner eventually got TKO’d in the 15th round. A young screenwriter was sitting in the crowd that day and subsequently, wrote the plot to his movie idea in three and half days. Who was he?

    Answers: Slyvester Stallone (Lil’ Cus saved the day)

    To celebrate the Rocky franchise, but most importantly, the movie that saved America from communism, Rocky IV, the PAX laid into two new challenges. Of course, we listened to the traditional Rocky songs, including the Rocky IV training montage. As Paradox noted, the “only training montage.”

    Lunge Mountain

    Start at the base of the bleachers and lunge up each bleacher row. On top of each bleacher, do ascending air squats. There were 20 bleacher benches, thus 20 incline lunges and 210 squats. Not that it needs to be mentioned, but Goldilox is not a man, he’s a machine. See what I did there?

    Merkin Mountain

    Start in an incline Merkin at the base of any stadium bleacher. Perform 1 merkin and climb (preferably bear crawl) until your feet are where your hands started. Perform 2 Merkins and repeat adding one Merkin for every level you go up until you reach the pinnacle. There were 19 bleacher benches, thus 190 merkins.

    The FNG methodically pulled away from the PAX seemingly not breaking a sweat. Lil’ Cuz was right on his tail. Everyone fought through the insanity of this one. I think I heard Cuz say something like, “Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.”

    Transport: Mosey to softball fields, picking bricks up along the way – Song: “I Know You Want Me” by Peetbool

    —————————————————————————————————————-
    Thang 3: Birds of a Feather (or heatstroke)

    Trivia #3: I’m a 3X NBA champion, 3X NBA MVP in three consecutive years, 12X all-star, I went to Indiana State and in 1979, we lost the national championship, which was the first meeting of many between me and Magic Johnson. Who am I? (Larry Bird) Who did I play for? (Celtics) What was my number? (33)

    The FNG got this one right out the gates and saved the PAX from burpees. And the fact that YC forgot about them altogether.

    Also, earlier at the end of Warmarama, Paradox revealed that he was wearing our ‘ol girl, GiGi. However, it was at this point that he revealed one of his greatest moments. He dropped his shorts to reveal 3” inseam shorts, black with pink piping. The beatdown nearly derailed. I was sure that our FNG would say. “Welp, I’m outta here,” but no, but Paradox said, “If I can change and you can change, everybody can change.” Or maybe he said, “If he dies, he dies.” I have no idea…I couldn’t stop looking at the shorts.

    Webbicides

    If you’ve ever been part of a basketball practice, you most likely finished with free throws and team sprints for every miss. We didn’t do any free throws, but we did do 80 yard suicides (10 yard increments). A standard suicide but instead of touching each line the pax does an increasing number of Bobby Hurleys at each line. Run to the first line, do one BH, run back to start, run to the next line, do two BH’s, and so on until you get to 8.

    This one was a beast as well and took longer than YHC had planned. There were supposed to be two rounds, but after a continuous seven minute suicide, YHC had to move on. Paradiddle showed that endurance that only comes with 7 point strains while the rest of us are posting 14+ (it’s a Whoop thing, you wouldn’t understand).

    ———————————————————————————————————————
    Thang 4: The ‘Ol Coach Got Balls

    In this last exercise, YHC shared some items from his personal life…

    You see, YHC moved to Florida with his Dad when he was in elementary school. He happened to play little league with Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis. In fact, we were born two weeks apart. You could say we’ve been on similar life tracks.

    For example,

    – He’s a graduate of Yale where he was the captain of a Division I baseball team. I sometimes started for a D3 team that won 4 games. So, same.

    – Then got his law degree from Harvard. Big deal…I went to Lynchburg, Va and taught Spanish grammar to 9th graders and coached JV soccer. Same again.

    – He then was a commissioned officer in the Navy. Big whoop…during the same time, I ran a half marathon. Same, same, same.

    – He was elected to the House of Representatives and then Governor of Florida. Child’s play…during the same time, I qualified for a high interest loan to finance my truck. It’s like we’re the same person.

    – He recently announced his bid to run for President of the United States. Me? Well, I traded in that truck for a minivan and then tried to kill it by driving it into a concrete crevasse. Also, Poor guy. He must have fallen in with a bad crowd.

    Butttt…that’s not the Thang….

    One of those years, maybe 7th grade, Gov Ron and I played on the same little league team. On the first day of practice, we gathered in the parking lot outside of the Dunedin National Little League fields. We all sat down. Coach was wearing the good ‘ol polyester short short coaching shorts. They were short. Coach squatted down. As a 12 year old, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but polyester, the amazing apparel innovation that it is, can only hold so much and well…one ball slooowlyyy popped out the side. We were silent. He was silent. We were silent. He stood up and rearranged himself. We moved on.

    So, we will move on too… but not before always checking ourselves a few times to make sure all baggage is properly stored in the above compartment.

    The ‘Ol Triple check

    Teams of three. First man holds in freestyle peoples chair (knees together in seat position, no wall), arms straight up, second man in front of him doing Bonnies Blair’s, third man sprints 80 yards and back with bricks, rinse and repeat until time. We aimed for nine runs…each man cycling through three times. We succeeded, finishing by 7:29:58. The men REALLY pushed themselves here, especially on the brick sprints. In fact, it seemed like they were only getting faster.

    COT, GiGi was bestowed upon the Diddle. Our FNG was named.

    Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Safe travels to everyone this weekend.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • The death of pro shop Barry – from Wiford Montana

    This morning rolled up with much anticipation. 1yr ago was YHC first que and it happened to be the VQ of the infamous, ISI loving, jerf spitting, Yankee Josephine. That day was one to remember but this day was about showing appreciation, an appreciation of a group of like minded men that go far beyond some short one liners. Yes, we laugh and are still in utter shock at the length of goose’s shorts(I wouldn’t let my daughters out in that length inseam) but it’s beyond that. I made the decision to stick with F3 and the friendships made even in short 12 months are game changing. Keep showing up and also keep “heat checking” ur pax all u can it means something! So I will explain what we did but know what u so goes beyond the struggle.

    Warm up Tana style:
    A mix of permissible mumble chatter, backwards 1st arm circles, and bricked up Moroccan lunge nightclubs (shown by Enron,explained in great detail by Dox)

    Thang 1:
    Run the reservoir Indian run style with bricks then after the lap do 64 reps (1 for ever lb lost since Jan 1)

    Thang 2: “if you can read this ur in trouble”
    An ode to the YJ vq and his wrestling dayz
    30 alarm clocks
    30 lbc
    30 Turkish alarm clocks
    30 big boyz

    Thang 3: Diddle Death March
    Paradiddle had the pax needing more a couple weeks back when he ran us into the ground so I wanted to bring this back as part of the top Tana awards
    Burpee 10,8,7,6……1 but a long transfer jog in between

    We finished with a final lap around the building.

    Cot and Diddle prayed us out!

    SYITG
    Tana

  • The Centenarian Decathlon – from Paradox

    YHC has been in a rather melancholic mood recently and asking the deeper , heavy hitting questions about this life ?

    Am I original? Yeahhhh
    Am I the only one? Yeahhh
    Am I sexual ? Yeahhh
    Am I everything thing you need? You better rock your body now…
    *record scratch***
    ***looks in the mirror and slaps face ***

    (No no no !
    That’s not it !
    That’s YJs Monday beatdown playlist with the Backstreet Boys still plaguing your mind
    Let it go Dox , keep your composure
    Focus , you’re better than this
    Do it for Tana, he’s alone out there in the rep wilderness and needs this blast )

    Ok ok I’m back but seriously the question here is what can I do for the years I’m allowed on this planet to be the most functional
    Can health span truly = lifespan?

    Well, 8 High impact men beat the darkness at the stage Tuesday morning to answer the above.

    This framework YHC picked up from a longevity expert Dr Peter Attia (see links below for more elegant explanations)
    But it boils down to imagining your most important tasks at 100 years old and reverse engineering the training for our own personal decathlon. So YHC polled the pax audience via text the day before and built a list of everyone’s “must be able to do at 100” list.

    But here’s the catch .. sure you can do those things now but we need to be able to compensate for age related decline.
    So for example you can all pick up a 20 lb toddler now and raise them over your head like Simba. But for the next 4 decades you could lose 7-8 percent of your muscle strength/decade (perhaps more if you have a roaring water problem) : so today you need to be able to lift ….let’s say a 40 lb coupon overhead roughly 50 times. Makes sense? You see where this is heading

    Duke get the footage and Medicare part D we got new indications baby !

    Warmup
    Standard issue warmups welcoming back Goose and Pope fresh from NC adventures and extra time to nurse a few tight arms from YJs zombie crawls and Lil cuzs pull-up palooza.

    Bumper mosey

    Da List

    #1 get up from lying down un aided
    #2 climb stairs

    Song : I Don’t Need Your Rocking Chair – George Jones
    Wake up , Climb Stairs

    BBSU into box jump
    Back into bed with 1 Merkin increase each rep
    That bird poop on the stage never smelled better.

    #3 Coordination to play with great grandkids and #4 Driving )
    Indian Run with frisbee
    Last man does 5 gas pumps
    If Frisbee miss , all pax 7 jump squats

    YHC will confess here that I’m very bad at frisbee and expected atleast 5-6 drops. Little did I know smooth and Goldilocks are semi pro frisbee weekend warriors. YHC had so little faith in an overthrown pass that I had halted the run to smugly handout squats. Goldilocks turned on the #jets and the seminarian house will be getting PED testing very soon.

    #5 Pick up great grandchildren and #6 Swim

    WIPE OUT
    Flora
    P1 10 Thrusters to complete 100
    P2 Flutter kicks

    The chatter subsided significantly after opening the thrusters …

    LIVE ON A PRAYER

    Travel – 20 coupon curl each to complete 80 as a partner pair
    P2 – Genuflections

    ITS THE CLIMB #8
    #9 GOLF with my FRIENDS

    100 Apolo Onos (to get the ball out of the hole ) – sets of 10
    Coupon Dance Steps fast as you can go (simulate climbing )

    Fantastic group effort to finish these out and I don’t know if I was motivated more by Goose or Miley Cyrus but we finished real strong.

    …Grand Finale

    GIVE ME SOME LOVING #10

    It was here YHC revealed that Smooth had answered the penultimate question with his usual stunning word efficiency

    What is the single most important activity to still be doing at 100 ??

    Pickle Pounders!

    Song : Give me Some loving
    Plank reaches on Song
    2 Merkins on Glad
    Pickle Pounders on Give and loving
    All I can say here is that somewhere in North Carolina ole Kilmer is smiling and that there could be some HR classes Goose has to attend for being an upstanding HOA member present at this musical debauchery.

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Animal given to the Pope for carrying YHC through the thrusters and still counting them all.

    The Tanaversary is Thursday
    The hype is building…

    Great morning striving alongside you men keeping our physical and spiritual health sharp.

    Keep it 100

    SYITG

    Dox

    https://peterattiamd.com/how-to-train-for-the-centenarian-decathlon/

  • Just Make Sure You Remember to Forget – from Yankee Joe

    It’s 1996 in Omaha for the 50th anniversary of the College World Series. It’s the Championship game between LSU and Miami. Warren Morris, who has been inactive most of the season due to a wrist injury, convinces the Skipper before the game to put him in the line-up.

    It’s the bottom of the 9th. LSU is down 8-7 against a prolific Miami Nine. Morris strolls to the plate with a man on third. There are two outs. The first pitch is a hard curve low and away. Morris swings with everything his wrist can handle…and it’s all over. Gone. The Walk-Off has been called by some the greatest moment in college baseball history. Morris certainly couldn’t know as he rounded second base that the Miami shortstop crying and pounding his fists in the dirt would end up being a three-time World Series champion – Alex Cora. Go Sox.

    So, if you’re LSU, you should remember 1996. Also, if you’re LSU, you should thoroughly absorb and then forget the Game 2 debacle yesterday as Florida hung 24 runs on ya. As Paradiddle reminded us about the quote from the great Ted Lasso. “Be a goldfish.”

    We would use ’96 and 24 for rep counts throughout. Just to keep us in balance.

    YHC arrived at The Stage about 20 minutes early to make sure that my burner phone would successfully hook up to BAPS. Smooth Operator was right on my tail, followed by Goldilocks, Cardinal, and Econoline. YHC had yet to meet Econoline, so this was an added bonus after a week hiatus due to being on the IR.

    Paradox rolled in with the shovel flag. He was followed by Montana and French Horn…wait no…they ballsacked again? I just assumed they would show up when prewriting my blast because they…you know…HC’d. Oh wait. They came up with their own version of “hopeful commit?” Is that a thing? Does F3 recognize that garbage? Regardless, Sans the Captain and the Pusher, the PAX finally closed ranks with the standard late arrival of Paradiddle. I’m running out of excuses to make for this guy.

    —————————-
    Thang 1: Skipping through the daisy fields – gotta be humbled.

    – (Mario punches) to sidewalk, 96 LBCs at sidewalk; then Mario punches back to stage, 24 J-Lo’s

    If you thought Cardinal was fast as a crab, you should see him tear up the pitch as a 1992 Nintendo character. I swear it looked like his feet never touched the ground.

    —————————–
    Thang 2: Humility and the Mumblechatter killer

    – Flying Nuns (lunge walk with baby arm circles) to sidewalk; 96 leg raises; Reverse Flying Nuns return to stage, 24 J-Los (2:1)

    It was during the reverse nuns that Paradox offered up his only real bit of chatter. Something to the effect of my fresh legs after a month off. If you want to keep chatter at a minimum, make YHC take the Q and don’t let Paradox get near Goose, Tana, or Enron. Take away his primary voter base, and his platform starts getting creaky.

    —————————–
    Thang 3: An American in Paris

    – Frog jump to sidewalk; 96 American hammers (1:1); Frog jump back to stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    This was impressive on all fronts. Smooth, Paradox, and Goldilocks traded the lead several times. I swear Goldilocks was clearing 6 feet with every jump. He and Econoline have added to what is becoming the stoic caricature of F3 Thibodaux. Like Smooth, Lil’ Cuz, and Superfun(d), these two maintain the same facial expression and just plain GRINDDD. No complaints, no chatter, no shortcuts. It’s pretty durn awesome. Also, did you know that Smooth is a J-Lo machine? His hips not only don’t lie, they’re straight up insulting your family and calling out your darkest fears. Kilmer would be proud.

    ——————————
    Thang 4: The Jake Sully

    – Zombie crawl to sidewalk; 96 Superman’s; Zombie crawl back to the stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    YHC believes that the zombie crawl is the single most effective (and awful) core exercise in F3. The correct form means your knees never touch the ground as you essentially elbow plank crawl with J-Lo’s. It’s brutal and it puts your lower core and obliques on full blast. It’s one of those barometer exercises that can clearly demonstrate your progress. Last March, YHC couldn’t go five yards. It’s a little better now. BUT Holy Dang, Paradiddle!!! His core strength is just stooopid.

    ——————————–
    Thang 5: Run Toward the Fire, Full Speed Ahead

    – Ongoing sprints to sidewalk, nur back until time (last 6 minutes) – goal of 24.

    I wish YHC could make some sort of commentary about the PAX performance at this point. However, my only memory between blackouts and Paradox simply flying was me yelling, “Do you want to be Morris or Cora?” I expected Goldilocks to give me a knowing nod. He admitted he had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Then it hit me that when Morris rounded the bases in that epic 1996 moment, Goldilocks wasn’t even born. I then looked around for my walker, but couldn’t find it because I couldn’t see without my glasses and was tripping over my balls…I mean dentures.

    COT and Econoline prayed us out.

    Good to be back in the swing of things. Geaux Tigahs!

    SYITG,

    YJ

  • The Greatest Kickballer Among Us – from Lil Cuz

    YHC found himself following two F3 Thib Legends into the Peltch this humid June Morning. The need for a fun Saturday was felt through all and as I drove up it seemed we finally had enough people on a Saturday to play America’s favorite Past Time, that’s right KICKBALL!!! Who didn’t have dreams of blasting one straight over the outfield and running the bases staring at your middle school crush as you round third hoping for the game winning kick celebration kiss? Just me…alrighty then. Moving on…

    Today is June 24th which is the feast of John the Baptist, who was called by Jesus Himself, “Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist”. (Matthew 11:11 for those interested in reading more) So before we played a rousing game of kickball we had to rise to the occasion and chase after the G.O.A.T himself.

    Thang 1:
    Cindy Crawford – this was to get our whole body in the best shape it can be, which of course is bikini body ready. It’s beach vacation time after all.
    AMRAP:
    – 5 Pull Ups
    – 10 Merkins
    – 15 Squats
    – 20 LBC’s
    – 25 Toe Raises
    This lasted 15 minutes and TONS of mumble chatter later everyone realized they can do WAY more pull ups than they thought before we started. T-Claps all around!

    Thang 2:
    Coach Burpee – YHC has been coaching his oldest 2.0’s baseball team and it has taught me more patience and made me realize we are viewed outside of our homes sometimes more than in it and a good coach can get even the most un-motivated player to do things neither thought they could do.

    Pax split into teams of 3 or 4 due to number of Pax at Peltch today.
    – P1 does Burpees
    – P2 yells encouragements to keep going
    – P3 runs ¼ mile
    – P1 switches to P2, P2 switches to P3, P3 switches to P1.

    This originally was supposed to be until all Pax had completed a mile, but due to unfortunate time constraints this was changed to ½ mile and not at all due to everyone being gassed from hitting, by my latest estimate, 275 burpees in 15 minutes. It was awesome to hear yells of encouragement coming from all coaches and I know a bunch of Pax hit numbers of burpees they did not think they would hit prior to starting. T-Claps all around!

    Thang 3:

    KickBall Game:
    Split into 2 teams. Buy in is 5 Squats or 5 LBC’s. No one chose LBC’s which was expected or because no one heard me say this and just kept with squats. The world may never know.
    When kicking, you can kick normally and all defense has to do 2 merkins before they can play the ball.

    Can choose to do a trick kick (ex: kick backwards, kick behind back, left foot), if this is chosen then defense must do 5 merkins before playing the ball.

    When running the bases: normal kick – bear crawl to base. Trick kick – lunge walk to base. This was changed to run after the first inning to get some runs in.

    True colors truly came out in this game. We had quitters whose team never let him live it down and to this day is known as “Quitter-Mcgee”. Strange world we live in when guys who can’t show up on time start pegging 2.0’s with dodgeballs as they run the bases. After the mayhem Team 1 had to show Team 2 a lesson for hitting innocent 2.0’s and loaded up the bases with said 2.0’s. Then threw out the big guns in Smooth who absolutely crushed the ball with his left foot and brought all 2.0’s in for a score with the biggest hit single in kickball history! Truly awe-inspiring stuff!

    There were no cute girls to wink at while rounding third, just Enron dripping sweat and cheering on his team and Dox asking for the ump, who could not be found. I think we made John the Baptist proud despite all of this but he is still the G.O.A.T. Thanks for pushing hard today fellas!

    SYITG,
    Lil Cuz’

  • The Happiest Animal in the World – from Paradiddle

    After getting the initial nerves out of the system from his VQ, YHC was determined to have a bit more fun with his second Q. He was feeling free, and after seeing the hustle of the pax from May’s ISI challenge, he knew everyone could dig a bit deeper than they give themselves credit for.

    YHC has recently been inspired by the mustache’d man from Kansas who found himself coaching the struggling AFC Richmond UK football team. Now, let no one be fooled, YHC knows next to nothing about football (and US football), but Ted Lasso has been a source of inspiration and joy. The “Lasso Way” is a controversial way that Ted coaches the team by seeking to help the players grow both on and off the field. One immediately sees the growth of certain characters, such as Roy Kent and Jamie Tart, who both go from egotistical bad mama jama’s to virtuous men and best friends. It’s not frequent that you see truly good men on television. But Ted Lasso illuminates the goodness in each of these men as they truly are the iron that sharpens each other. This would be YHC’s inspiration for the beatdown.

    YHC woke early, left on time, and even managed to pick up a fun old sorta new guy, Goldlocks, for the beatdown. Arriving ten minutes early, YHC found Smooth awake from his post-work slumber, Enron fishing for hints on what the beatdown might be, and Wet Tap, who came in clutch with the perfect dry erase board needed for the exercises (YHC was going to resort to cardboard and a sharpie). After preparing the board, YHC did his own pre-thang (not by choice) to deliver the goods to the ED White track, which was under construction, but YHC might have completely missed that due to his extra excitement for the morning (the introvert was feeling extroverted this morning).

    Returning to the Pelch, YHC found the rest of the pax assembled, mumble chatter was strong, and debates of who was on “the Diddle List” filled the air. Warmup consisted of the usual SSH, some thing I can’t remember, arm circles, pickers, mtn climbers, and high knees. YHC still has a good bit of learning to do, as every exercise started with a different variation of “Exercise, ready, move, in cadence, exercise…start.” We’ll get the kinks worked out soon.

    The pax moseyed the stadium where one set of stadiums were part of an extended warmup. Goose and Goldilocks were excited for the fresh challenge, while YJ held down the back of the train, his chatter weighing him down (the complaining kept a grin on YHC’s face).

    THANG 1
    YHC gathered the pax on the track where he asked an important question – What is the happiest animal in the world? A goldfish. Why? Well, because they have a 10second memory. (All information comes purely from YHC watching Ted Lasso and not actual research) YHC then, in his own introverted super brief storytelling way, tried to explain to the pax how Roy helps Jamie to grow as a soccer player by consistency showing up at his house everyday at 4am for them to run together. The pax both knew and feared where this was going. YHC revealed the board of doom with thang 1 bulleted.

    AMRAP – 25min
    – 1/4 mile run (1 lap around the track)
    – 15 declined push ups
    – 10 Mountain Climbers (2 is 1)
    – 10 Groiner w/ Flying V
    – 10 Peter Parker’s
    – 10 V Up’s
    – 10 Bonnie Blair’s
    – 10 Step Up’s

    Due to the field being cleared of benches, YHC nixed the step up’s and everyone began. The pax only made it 1.5 times through the list before a real life Colossus XXL (Cars 2, people) made its way on to the track. YHC called an audible and with the help of Goose, relocated inside the Peltch. The pax grinded out what must have been 5-7 laps of the exercise (most of it while being serenaded by MC Hammer’s 2 Legit 2 Quit – DJ Dox must have really liked that one). 25 solid minutes of Zone 4 by every pax. The shirts were off, the sweat was pouring, Dox’s back had more grass stuck to it than a farm growing St. Aug. Smooth’s classic “next” moved us to our next activity.

    THANG 2
    Burpee Sprints
    To keep with tradition, burpee sprints are typically 10 burpees followed by sprinting the length of a football field (100 burps & 10 fields total). If only we had a football field… YHC picked the tree that resided behind the Dawson house for YJ’s Christmas Classic as the end of the field. The pax took off, and soon YHC realized, not for the sake of the pax, but for the sake of time, that a full set of burpee sprints wouldn’t be possible. Audible two was called and we counted down each set (10, 9, 8, etc til 1). A few chirps from Lil’ Cuz during the runs made YHC smile, but otherwise the pax were a silent bunch this morning for some reason. Oh no! What’s that? Is it a rustling in the distance?! No – it’s Yankee, on his six in pain. His back struck again (we really need to get Heath on speed dial – YHC is sorry for your back, and I really hope it gets better soon). The pax finished strong – at least five shirts off, and we finished as a team. The F3 motto “Leave no man behind, but leave no man where you find him” rang true on this hot Saturday morning.

    We moseyed back to the flag and for a 40 second round of Mary we each breathed independently. It was needed. Name-o-rama and Tana prayed us out (I think).

    What a morning. I’m constantly inspired by a group of men that don’t complain, always push harder, and who are growing stronger every beatdown. I know that just the last two months have pushed me harder and made me stronger than I have probably ever been. It is because of the accountability of showing up and walking next to this group of men who pray and play together. You each put in the work. You each push past the point of comfort for the betterment of yourselves and your families. We do this for more than ourselves. The pain is temporary – go one more.

    – Diddle