F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • You Got Goose-Diddled! – from Goose

    The GroupMe was eerily silent last night/this morning for two reasons:

    1. French Horn had laid down a stronger than usual commitment post, and though many doubted, and many wrote and then deleted hilarious comments stating such thoughts, nobody wanted to discourage what looked to be an actually possible showing by the long-absent, greatly missed, mop-topped, boat-conceived youngster. Couldn’t risk that.

    2. Paradiddle was on the list to Q, but no hype had been posted by the ‘stached bandit nor any comment acknowledging the inevitable. Many wrote and then deleted requests for hype or temperature checks due to the fear that has now been associated with tank-tops, mouth-brows, and a white-capped abundance of hair.

    YHC thought there might be a small chance that Diddle had forgotten amidst his wild schedule, but wasn’t necessarily prepped with a back-pocket Q. Thoughts between waking and arriving had fluttered around Dilly’s spoken desire to complete grades 7-10 (left incomplete during his back to school Billy Madison Q) and memories from last year’s IPC, specifically the “Death by Skinny Runner” beatdown. So, when 5:15 arrived, and there was no Diddle, the site-Q (YHC) got excited at the opportunity to channel the inner Diddle and combine it with a little Goose-flavor and some IPC prep.

    A long warmup was needed after Smooth’s monster coupon routine yesterday, and this gave YHC some time to put the pieces together. Enron suggested the Deck o’ Death, which put the finishing touch on it, especially since YHC had also just attained some workout dice that were itching for some concrete.

    Warmups: the usual suspects plus Willy Maes Hayes and Toe Touches (bend down, touch toes, then come up and touch waist, then up straight onto toes with hands in the air = 1). Every vehicle that pulled into the neighborhood was taken to be Diddle coming in hot, but the hopes (or fears) never materialized. YHC then led a bumper to Stop sign to flag mosey to get the PAX familiar with the distance, cuz…

    Thang:
    One (or two) exercises followed by a quarter mile run, which happens to be the exact distance of the bumper to stop sign to flag loop. But, this would be a race, and the winner got to pick the next break…er, exercise. The winner could pick an exercise of their choosing or elect to roll the dice (three dice–one with reps/time and two with exercises) or pick two cards.

    Pope won the first one (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and chose low-slow squats to give the PAX a breather. Smooth made it known that now that he was comfortable with the route, he’d be smoking us all, and though he started strong with a powerful sprint on the next lap (and every one after that), long distances remain his kryptonite.

    YHC won the next, (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and we rolled the dice landing on 90 seconds of squats and penguins. The three minutes were greatly appreciated, but at this point, it had become clear that any hope of real recovery between laps was unrealistic.

    The next one was won by Honeysuckle (with Pope right behind him) who seemed to be set up to Q the rest of the beatdown, and he chose Freddy’s, which went way too fast.

    Next lap was Pope again (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and he went with a couple of cards: 16 Bonnies (1:1) and a Joker, which he turned into a 60 second Mission Impossible plank (still better than running).

    Honeysuckle took the next (surprise, surprise) and went for a dice roll in hopes that two exercises would take longer than one (and that burpees wouldn’t come up) and the risk paid off. 30 reps of leg raises and wife pleasers.

    The last lap took off at 5:57, and many of the men must have seen the time, because the performances were impressive. YHC finished first, but Yankee Joe had joined Honeysuckle and Pope right behind him, again revealing that he’s got more gas in the tank than he lets on. PAX planked until the 6 arrived, and it was 6:00.

    All in all, YHC was extremely impressed by this crew’s resilience as they pushed hard each lap. Seriously, though Pope and Honeysuckle put the bar nice and high, the rest of the bunch weren’t too far behind–every time. T-claps to Enron, YJ, and Paradox, for some noticeable pushes, and Smooth for being first off the line every time.

    More T-claps to the impressive level of mumblechatter this morning despite the lung-busting, leg-deadening work. Unfortunately, YHC’s memory has been affected by the post-beatdown brain fog, so the only one that comes to mind was Enron’s comment as we were lining up for lap 4 or 5. YHC’s hand had substantially brushed a particularly sensitive area as we crowded to be first in line, and he immediately came out with, “Man, I goosed AND diddled in one beatdown!” YHC couldn’t breathe, and it almost sabotaged the lap.
    If you remember more gems, please post them in the GroupMe to make up for YHC’s inability to immortalize them here.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • It Takes Two to Make a Thang Go Right – from Yankee Joe

    “There are two types of men in the world…Those men who fart and simply go on about their day…and then there are those who jealously guard their “silent but deadlies” like temporary super powers, strategically unleashing bombs on their children before ghosting. Of course, these two types…”

    DUKE! What are you doing? That is not the bean footage I told you to roll! I swear, you partner up with Paradox, Montana, and Cardinal ONE TIME, and it all goes off the rails.

    ———————–

    Let’s try this again and let that lime flavor Shasta flow.

    “Okay…There are two types of men in the world…Those who embrace technology and read eBooks, and those who swear they can still smell the ‘bookishness’ of a room.”

    DUUUUKE! C’mon bro, this is serious. Also, I’ll have you know I can totally smell the bookishness of a room.

    I’ll take it from here, Duke. What’s that? Well, I don’t care if Paradox gives you space for your “creative process” when writing his backblasts. Your one job is simple. Show up to the beatdown, pay attention to what the Q says, and don’t get sucked into the shenanigans of, let’s say for example, pharmaceutical sales reps and diocesan priests.

    ———————–

    (Turn cassette over to Side B)

    So, YHC was really excited about this morning’s beatdown. It would be an exclusively partner workout filled with unique partner exercises. Lately, YHC has been researching the Exicon and YouTube for innovative partner routines.

    Why is this worthy of mentioning? Well, I used to hate group or partner ‘anything’ before I got to F3. If you’re like YHC, when a project presented itself in the past, you either a) just wanted to get the job done without being bogged down or b) you were concerned you wouldn’t bring value to the table and thus bog others down. So it was with F3. I cringed every time the Q would say, “Partner up.”

    Over the past two years, it is not an exaggeration to say that F3 has almost exclusively shifted this mindset, carrying over into my work, my social life, and even my marriage. These days, I can’t get enough of partner focused beatdowns.

    That all said, It would appear that the partner beatdowns are trending across all Q’s during the past six or so months. I firmly believe this awesome PAX culture shift is due to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux Draft Class. It’s unparalleled. For perspective, I would argue the 1981 NFL draft class – Mike Singletary, Lawrence Taylor, Ronnie Lott, Howie Long, Rickey Jackson, Russ Grimm and Kenny Easley – is the best class of all time. Well, it doesn’t hold a candle to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux class. See list below.

    2023 Draft Class (FNG Date):

    – Baggins (January 9th)
    – Smooth Operator (January 12th…crazy…feels like Smooth has been around for years!)
    – AOL (January 19th)
    – French Horn (February 7th)
    – Prius (March 20th)
    – Econoline (April 19th)
    – Frank n’ Beans (May 13th)
    – Shart’eh (July 1st)
    – Michelin (June 15th)
    – Honeysuckle (July 4th)
    – America’s Best (July 11th)
    – Bone Thug (July 18th)
    – Safety Valve (July 29th)
    – Dumbledore (August 10th)

    Not to mention our badass Welcome Back Cotters, @GoldiloX and @Popeye

    Nuff said! These men have dropped an atomic verve bomb right in the middle of the PAX, creating a core that I believe could hold its own anywhere in the country…except for maybe F3 Milwaukee…I mean how do you do burpees next to Lake Michigan with a -40 degree windchill?

    —————————————
    The Forecast:

    11 PAX showed up to a surprisingly cool morning at The Lion’s Den. As mentioned prior, YHC was excited to share his partner exercise concoctions. Straight out the gate, however, trouble began. Across the Warmarama circle, Paradox’s IBS somehow took the Northwest Passage to his mouth. YHC responded with 30 cherry pickers. Didn’t phase him. Like not at all. I was optimistic though. That is, until Dox thrupled up with Montana and Cardinal. To be fair, YHC did not do a good job in accommodating any potential thruples. This is my fault, and I own it. That said, I had no idea of the intolerable…nay the mutinous repercussions that this oversight would have.

    —————————————
    The Setup:

    There would be six rounds (we only got through four) with the following format. 1) partner transport from sidewalk to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards); 2) partner exercise; 3) partner transport back to start; 4) Dora with 100 reps of various exercises.

    For music, there was a clear theme of “two” across the playlist with two additional songs from one of the greatest brotherhood movies of all time, “Stepbrothers.” In honor of that masterpiece, each team during the beatdown could yell out “Boats and Hoes.” That team could rest for 30 seconds, while the rest of the PAX sprinted to touch either a tractor or bucking milk cow with…balls (I have so many questions).

    I should note that there were two tractors, one 40 yards away and one 10 yards away. The PAX were CLEARLY instructed to run to the far tractor (or cow), NOT the near tractor only 10 yards away. As would be expected, The Triage Trio of Tana, Dox, and Card, who were yapping during the instructions, ran to the nearby tractor. As a result, the rest of the PAX followed them and were thus robbed of precious moments to get stronger. Perhaps robbed of precious minutes from their very lives. Further evidence that mumblechatter not only hurts the perpetrator, but those around him as well. Chatter kills.

    —————————————–
    The Thang:

    Round 1

    – P1 Piggy back P2 to sidewalk
    – Partner derkins
    – P1 elbow plank, P2 perpendicular to P1 with feet on P1 on upper back
    – 30 derkins, Flapjack
    – P2 piggyback P1 to start
    Dora
    – Bonnie Blair’s with bricks (2:1) 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
    – P1 run to parking lot and back, Flapjack

    Round 2

    – P1 partner drag (backward holding P2 under armpits – or man breasts in Popeye’s case) to sidewalk
    – Partner Nolan Ryans with back of hand high five x25 each side
    – P1 and P2 both in high side plank, back to back; Flapjack
    – P2 partner drag P1 to start
    Dora
    – Butterfly squats with bricks – 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    Round 3

    – Partner lunge to sidewalk
    – Partner OHP Al Gore style
    – P1 facing P2 crotch (pre-blast should ask PAX to wash ahead of time) with P2 ankles on shoulders
    – In Al Gore – 25 OHP; Flapjack
    – Partner lunge back to start
    Dora
    – Leg raises with bricks held out to side, full arm extension
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    Round 4

    – Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows to sidewalk
    – Burpee high fives x 25
    – Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows back to start
    Dora
    – J-Lo’s – 100 reps
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    With four minutes remaining, the PAX circled up to do partner Mary. First, we did 20 (2:1) partner gas pumps (both PAX on six, butt to butt, holding hands by hips, and legs alternating sides with partner’s legs). We finished with 20 Partner plank jack shoulder taps (both PAX head to head in high plank, doing plank jacks in sync, while alternating tapping partner’s shoulder on each jack).

    —————————————

    T-Claps to Pope and Paradiddle for cruising through the beatdown like it was a stroll in the park. Huge shout out to YHC’s partner, @Popeye, who has now joined Enron in the “my back hurts from always carrying Yankee Jeaux” Club. Apologies to Popeye for the man boob assault during the backward partner drag. It hurt you more than it hurt me.

    Goose and Piccadilly were methodical as always, plowing through the pain without a single complaint. You’re both heroes in my book. Same goes to Dumbledore and Honeysuckle (sorry about those fire ants, Suckle…yikes), who didn’t even seem to break a sweat. Then Honeysuckle ran home. Like I said…2023 Draft Class…one for the ages.

    —————————————-

    Epilogue:

    After dropping off one of YHC’s 2.0’s, I had the pleasure of grabbing a cup of coffee with @Montana. During that chat, we recapped how The Thwarted Thruple (Tana, Dox, Cardinal) made accommodations for each exercise. I’m here to tell you that what was described to me was nothing short of genius. In fact, YHC has already redesigned this morning’s beatdown sequel to be thruple focused. But still…how grown men gonna act like that?

    —————————————–
    Have a Cup of Jeaux!

    Drivers who neglect to pull up for a left turn epitomize incompetence. Their inability to grasp basic traffic flow patterns disrupts everyone behind them. Who are these people? I want to pull them over not to yell, but to ask questions. I just want to understand what it is that, in their minds, would justify such callous immorality and a complete disregard for civilized society.

    Where can you find these monsters? That’s easy. Perhaps, the nation’s greatest example of this unscrupulous behavior is on full, incomprehensible display in Thibodaux…when trying to take a left on the bayou bridge at the corner of Canal and HWY 1, heading toward Nicholls.

    Don’t tell me about traffic laws. As an American, it is my responsibility to defy any law that I deem corrupt and unethical. I mean, c’mon dude…just pull up five yards. We added the yellow light to street lights back in the 20’s. You’ll be fine.

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Jeaux

  • MAX mobility – from Paradox

    9 men wobbled in and huddled around the gloom early at the stage today. Just 48 hours since the bodily devastation of the SV500 we needed immediate distraction, and this was provided listening to the latest chapter in the Life and Times of Cardinal.

    “I woke up Sunday and it was the strangest thing, like my whole body wasn’t moving right and everything hurt. ” Cardinal explained while poking his muscles and testing these claims.

    YHC questioned further… “were you …umm…perhaps sore?”

    “Sore? Like a boil on my skin? ” He asked, still perplexed and searching the Cardinal lexicon for this foreign term.

    YHC sighed and got ready to break the news.

    “Well, you see after you turn 30 your body slowly tries to kill you each and every day especially if you exceed your limit of physical exertion. They call this state of being sore.

    Cardinal : ..

    YHC: ..

    Cardinal : well I guess I was sore , I’ll try my best to never feel that ever again.

    And just like that Mobility Monday was born…

    Duke! get the WD40 and K tape it’s time to fix some bo Bo’s
    and roll the footage.

    Warmups

    SSH

    Abe Vigodas

    IW extra slow

    Bat Wings:

    Leave them up gosh darn it !!

    AC , CP, Seal Jacks , OHClaps, seal jacks

    MC

    Mosey to bumper with some concerned side glances that we would unearth the newly minted coupon bunker.

    Not today men, let those Koopas cool down, they still hawt from Saturday.

    We continued our series with Volume 2 of Men of Courage Mondays as today is the feast day of St Max Kolbe. A Polish priest and Franciscan friar who among many other amazing works substituted his life for another man’s during imprisonment at Auschwitz.

    So Todays Acronym was MAX:

    First , the M…the Mobility Mile

    Mosey Richmans loop and we stomped out those spicy ant devils on the way as retribution for Popeyes riddled calves.

    We ran the mile and stopped for 4 mobility stations interspersed with audible groaning, creaking, pops, clicks, sharts, Hoosker dos, hoosker donts and even a few whistling kitty chasers. It was a deep burn and we all felt better for it:

    1. ) 1 minute
    Hold side plank

    Right arm up then through

    Left side

    Right hand on hand and pull through

    Left side

    2. )1 minute: Downward dog, alternate calf stretch and Cat/Cow ( 1 minute )

    3. ) 1 minute: Plank and hip stretch , outside, inside, inside outside

    4. 1 minute Side lunge stretch with sumo squat

    As a humorous interlude YHC shared the story of looking for a St Kolbe book in Barnes and Nobles only to have the clerk think that Kobe Bryant had been canonized.

    Not yet Kobe, not yet. (he had shaq and MJ only had Pippen so….)

    YHC introduced an F3 Thibodaux classic …Basketball Jones.

    We would alternate between all levels of a squat every time we heard the word Basketball.

    I’ll give the men at home a sample :

    “Yes i was a victim of basketball Jones

    In fact I was the baddest dribbler in the whole wide world

    I loved my basketball ball.

    That basketball was like a basketball to me…”

    It went on like that for 4 minutes and YHC pulled the plug early.

    Because sometimes you just have to set a pick when you on the give and go of life.

    Today we were all victims of the basketball Jones.

    On to the ABS (the A of mAx)

    St Max Feast day is Aug 14 (today) The day of his death 8-14-41 and canonized in 1982 so we clearly had to work the COREners and look for cobwebs.

    8 bbsu

    14 crunchy frogs

    41 Freddy Merk

    82 LBCs

    This was completed in 4 corners or “7s “ formatting. Dumbledore was feeling the crunchy frogs and Goose assured him he would gain abs of steel as he advanced in the F3 school of witchcraft and wizardry.

    To finish the MAX we needed an X

    X Wings Flora

    Partner up

    100 merkins , 20 each set while P2 x wings

    200 MC (40 each set while P2 X wings)

    Great push here to ramp up the cardio on the MCs. Paradiddle barely made it out of Zone 1 but his joints will thank me when he’s still mosh pitting at 65. The pax will rest easy tonight knowing that Cardinal discovered soreness and mobility training in the same calendar year!

    COT with special intentions for Bones recovery

    Dumbledore prayed us out.

    Always a great privilege to lead you men.

    “Let us remember that love lives through sacrifice and is nourished by giving…Without sacrifice there is no love.” – St. Maximillian Kolbe

    St Max Kolbe, Pray for us!

    SYITG

    Dox

  • There and Back Again, and Again, and Again – from Goose

    YHC was happy to pinch hit for Picadilly on this Tuesday Tuff morning–it would give us a chance to put (at least) one more hurtin’ on the legs and abs to steel them up for this weekend, AND YHC could work around the wounded wing without having to modify. The rest of the PAX was delighted, too…

    Ultimately totaling 8 after a couple of late ‘uns, the warmup consisted of much of the usual, but we added some shoulder rolls cuz YHC remembers how the neck felt after Tap’s 1 mile nur a few weeks ago and wanted to avoid that given the amount of nurring that was planned for today. We also focused a bit more on the ol’ hammies with some Tin Soldiers–they’ve been getting quite a beating the past few beatdowns, and this morning would be no exception.

    YHC was happy to introduce a few of the newer guys (who have been extremely impressive in their consistent posting) to some foundational routines today. The first was 11’s. We started on the edge of the pavement with 10 Big Boy Situps, ran to the opposite sidewalk, and completed 1 Goosie (newly minted this morning–it’s the Goose-modified burpee: Bonnie Blair plus a jump squat = 1). Then, Nur back for 9 big boys at the patio, then 2 Goosies, etc. with the number of BBSU decreasing by one and Goosies increasing by one until each had completed 1 BBSU and 10 Goosies.

    Honeysuckle showed his superhuman stamina on the Goosies, for sure, and the dude was just getting started. Everyone else’s legs were certified gelatin, but there was still 25 minutes of beatdown to go, so it was on to Thang 2, starting with a mosey to the beloved first street lamp on Rich Man’s Loop.

    (Seriously, running and stopping at that first street lamp for instructions (and pontification) is like arriving at the waiting room at the dentist–you’re not exactly sure what’s about to happen, but it’s guaranteed to be extremely uncomfortable.)

    Today, the lesson was in mental toughness and our ability to measure progress. We may be constantly working our tails off, but if we’re needing measurable progress through the ups and downs, the backs and forths to give us a reason to keep going, we’re gonna struggle. The truth is, the suffering IS the journey, especially when it’s shared with brothers, and interior progress is the only progress that really matters.

    So, the routine was titled “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back”–it consisted of running two light poles, then nurring one back; then running three light poles, then nurring two back, then running four, then nurring back three, all the way up to running 7 and nurring back six.

    Honeysuckle, Diddle, and Pope began to pull away relatively early, reveling in their running prowess, while the rest of us just tried not to let anyone down. Dox and Enron paired up, as did America’s Best and Safety Valve, leaving YHC to grind it out alone as the pit began to close around him somewhere between the 5th and 6th volley, the will to win having been sucked out in the later rounds of the 11’s. It’s funny, though, how any little hand-hold will do when you’re trying to survive, and YHC found some comfort in watching his shadow start to shrink as each light post approached from behind. Nurring is tough on the legs, but it’s also tough on the mind–you can’t really tell have far you have to go, and you can’t keep your eyes on the prize. All you can see is where you’ve been, the sweat stains and the pain you’ve just poured out. This was good training in mental toughness, and YHC was proud of this crew for stepping up and cranking it out.

    Once all but one team had finished, the run to pick up the six became a necessary Indian Run back to the flag due to time constraints and YHC’s desire to no longer suffer alone.

    Upon arrival, the count-off was complicated due to brain fog and tired math muscles, but all were accounted for and Gigi (the game ball in the absence of Animal) obviously went to Honeysuckle as he easily stayed out front for the entire nasty beatdown. Thanks for keeping the bar high, HS!

    Announcements: get signed up for the SV500 if you haven’t already, and get those jambalaya tickets sold! Incredible work, per usual, on all this Paradox! Let’s keep praying and be prepped to show up early and help make this a successful event.
    Prayer intentions for Smooth’s crew, Diddle’s crew, Cardinal’s transition, and Enron prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • It’s You Against You, So You Better Be First. – from Yankee Joe

    How It Started:

    Yesterday, YHC was talking with Paradox about life. As would be expected, the conversation shifted quickly to F3.

    We wondered at Popeye’s badassery and how he methodically works through a beatdown. You’ll hear part of that Army motto pouring out with his sweat, “I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat. I will never quit. I will never leave a fallen comrade.” Chills!

    We lamented the torture that was SaturDiddle and that we actively seek out fartsacking excuses when Diddle’s name shows up on the Q list. Brutal!

    We marveled at Safety Valve’s unprecedented posting record right out of the FNG gates…6 for 6. Keep it up. Respect!

    We delighted in how Bone Thug swooped in one day and took his place at the table. We debated whether Bone Thug should be plural or singular. Dox writes it in plural. He’s wrong. Recognize!

    We discussed the wonder of Cardinal’s random F3 superpowers, including his Q evasion tactics for questionable excuses like needing to shepherd the people. Apostolic!

    We laughed and cried about how Pope is surpassing Goose, but acknowledged the King was far from dethroned. Quicksand!

    You can almost hear the exchange:

    – Pope ‘Shark’ Lavay: “Slow down, Dad. You’re going to have a stroke.”

    – Montezuma ‘Goose’ Monroe: “I don’t get strokes motha*@$#&. I give them.”

    ———————————
    Why It Started:

    You see, YHC is fully focused on the SV 500, and thus, beatdowns leading up to the event should be carefully designed. YHC told Paradox there would be no silly themes. Nope…no props or monologues this time. Paradox simply said (in his deep, serious Doctor voice when he doesn’t make eye contact), “Yeahhh. That sounds good.”

    Soooo, while driving home, suffocating under the crushing weight of Dox’s disappointment, it became clear what needed to be done. It was an obvious transition from…SV 500 to Indy 500 to Talladega Nights to wearing a Cal Naughton Jr. wig to adopting a Homeric accent. (Homerian? Homenetian? Homogenous?)

    Following the Warmarama, in the spirit of Ricky Bobby, and in honor of Paradox’s homeland, YHC gave a monologue (below) in his best Homer, LA speak. However, YHC’s High Country Homerian dialect was difficult for Paradox to follow. As the old adage goes, there’s San Pellegrino and there’s La Croix. Then there’s Schweppes Club Soda. Quaint!

    If you haven’t seen Talladega Nights, the following monologue will sound pretty stupid. If you have seen Talladega Nights, the following will still sound pretty stupid. Who cares?

    ——————————–
    The Monologue (read in your best Homerian accent):

    “As we are prepping for the 2nd inaugural SV 500, most of us are reconsidering how ready we are following Paradiddle’s ‘Back to School” beatdown.

    “That said, it’s in these dark moments where we find our special talents.

    “Sometimes you get a knock in the head, you get superpowers. It happens all the time. Read comic books, okay.

    “I know what each of you are thinking…you’re thinking, “I wanna go fast. I wanna go fast.”

    “But in the midst of our suffering, yer startin’ to doubt yerself and askin’. “Am I going fast?”

    “You look around to see how other PAX are doing, but mannn…you can’t “mumblechatter with your eyes, you chatter with your heart.”

    “And sometimes you don’t know “what to do with your chatter.

    “You find yerself flyin’ through the air, the Tom Cruise witchcraft ain’t working, the ninjas are tryna get you…and then shame of shames, you get thrown out of Applebee’s and you don’t know what to say.

    “But then you see Goose and realize that he’s just a big hairy American F3 machine. Heck, paradox’s shorts are so tight he could crack walnuts with his butt cheeks.

    “So, you dig deep. Maybe you picture Jesus in a tuxedo. You think perhaps, it’s time to shake and bake.

    “You’re all jacked up on Mountain Dew and Surge. ready to go at yerself like a spider monkey.

    “Because it’s okay…in the end, in F3, it’s just you against you. But also, if you ain’t first, yer last. So, if it’s between you and you, you better be faster than you so you don’t lose. Here’s your sign.

    “To help our lost cause, we got ourselves a cougar in the back seat…you know, metaforeigner speakin’. We got ourselves a little race. We got ourselves an F3 500.

    And I’ll tell you this right now, you know who loves racing? Our girl, Dora.

    —————————————–
    What Happened (please make it stop):

    9 PAX gathered at the Stage on a VERY muggy Monday morning. A few HC’s and a few pseudo commits. As alluded to, most of the PAX were nursing physical and emotional wounds from a torturous Saturdiddle. Mannn, we were ALL on the Diddle List. We’re prepping for the SV 500 and though we wouldn’t go full pads, YHC very generously offered a series of strength and conditioning opportunities. Playing off of the SV 500 theme, the PAX entered with respectable pole positions for an F3 500.

    In pairs, P1 would sprint around the AO track (approx. ⅛ mile) while P2 knocked out reps of a particular exercise. When P1 returned, flapjack, and P2 would sprint the track. The goal was to reach a rep count of 100 for each exercise. There were five scheduled exercises for a total of 500. Yeah, you get it. Cheers.

    There were three caviars…(Homerian for caveat). The PAX loved those. The groans sounded like a bunch of constipated walruses.

    1. The race was timed. All teams had 25 minutes to complete 500 reps.

    2. When a partner pitted (completed a lap), both partners had to perform 10 Bonnie Blairs before P1 could start the exercise or P2 left pit row.

    3. YHC could put up one caution flag, in which all PAX had to slowly mosey around the track until caution was lifted. This meant the partners completing reps had to stop and mosey along with the running PAX.

    The Exercises:

    – Overhead press with coupons (x 100)
    – Leg lifts with coupon (x 100)
    – Thrusters (x 100)
    – Coupon LBC’s (x 100)
    – Coupon curls (x 100)

    ————————————–
    To YHC’s surprise, several teams finished within the 25-minute window. YHC’s team finished only because Pope and Goose dragged him there. Thanks, fellas for carrying me. The PAX then moved onto the musical stylings of the Proclaimers.

    500 miles

    – Flutters, V-ups on “gonna”
    – LBC’s on refrain
    – Mosh jumps on bridge (na na na na) – after second verse
    – SSH for third verse with high knee sprints on last refrain

    Here, YHC remembered and genuinely understood a great line from Paradiddle’s last blast:

    “…a chance to catch your breath, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me).”

    It wasn’t only you on Saturday and it definitely wasn’t only you this morning.

    We finished with Pot Luck Mary, but stopped just short of Paradox’s dolphin hops. You know dolphins shouldn’t swim in a shark tank.

    Gigi was bestowed on Paradiddle by Safety Valve. ANIMAL was presented to Popeye.

    Don’t forget to sign up for the SV 500.

    Prayers for Smooth and Paradiddle, the first day of school (teachers and students), and for Cardinal’s new and exciting journey as the Bishop’s Secretary.

    Popeye prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux

    Have A Cup of Jeaux:

    Let’s talk about the hard commit or HC? The H has always confused me…as if the word “commit” is a multi-leveled state of being. There is no qualifier for commitment. You can’t semi commit, kinda commit, soft commit…just like you can’t be just a little bit pregnant. You are either pregnant or you aren’t. You can’t kinda be dead. You either are or you aren’t. You can’t sorta be a jackass. You either are or you aren’t. In this particular case, I am. There is only “commit.” There is only C.

  • Two-fer One; We Belong Together (by Dox AND Goose) – from Paradox

    Opener: Dox
    2 roads diverged in then den
    And sorry YHCc could not travel both
    And being 2 pax long they stood
    Until 8 more HCs knew they should
    Cardinals claim,  was it right and just?
    The answer is no but the CoQ was a must
    Yet knowing how way leads to way
    We’ll keep his Q for another day
    The CoQs built a beatdown rep by rep
    There’s  a big race coming we still need the prep …

    Duke! Stop ripping off Bob Frost and roll that beautiful footage

    Warmup: Goose
    When the Cardinal-ready PAX heard that YHC and Dox were co-Q-ing, there was an astonished moment of silence. Was this scientifically possible? Two heavy hitters with two very different styles; both frighteningly all-in, tall, and good looking, but was there room in one beatdown for both? What would happen? It was like putting a gorilla in a pen with a walrus, or an alligator with a jaguar, or a bull and a bear, or a shark and Mike Tyson. Could they join forces, or would they just stare at each other wondering what move the other would make?
    Ultimately, it was a mixture of both as YHC told Paradox to come up with his usual warmup mashup ridiculousness, while I went the practical route. But, after the forward arm circle/high knees, it seemed only appropriate to match the Yin with the Yang and do backward arm circle butt kicks. This then led to P-dox leading self-love lunges, which, of course, was followed by YHC’s Moroccan Night Club Windmills. The chemistry had begun, and there was no stopping the fallout.

    Song 1: Paradox
    The coQs had a few jams planned to get the muscles loose. YHCc wanted to started with “Move Along”  by All American Rejects as a tribute to moving along from last years SV500 trauma and to talk about the first time I was dumped. Did I cry in my 02 Chevy blazer with the factory 10s?  (I kept them clean)
    Yes
    Did my now ex girlfriends dad have to jumpstart my car after the battery died in their driveway. Also yes
    But here I am after Moving along and better for it and this was my hope for the pax.
    We released the pain with hand release Merkin burpees on each “move along” and let the pain tears flow on the concrete.
    Popeye is our local burpee variation expert and I could see he appreciated it a lot.

    Song 2: Goose
    One of YHC’s fondest memories from when I was a student at LSU was the time spent in shared suffering with good brothers at the Rec Center gym. We enjoyed quality time together most days, working out before heading to class. This included a refreshing shower surrounded by mostly old men who tended to clear out relatively quickly not long after we arrived. It might have had something to do with the singing, but the jury is still out. We gravitated mostly to 80’s hits, our favorite being “We Belong” by Pat Benitar, which we sung with all the passion we could muster after a tough workout in a strikingly accurate pitch.
    YHC figured we could harness that same energy this morning to bring a sense of belonging to the PAX, especially after Dox’s story of isolation and whoa.
    We split into groups of three (one with four), and laid down with our heads together looking at the stars. The PAX were then directed to hold six inches (Legs, Yankee Joe. Get your “belonging” straight.) for the duration of the song, and execute a leg raise for every “belong”, touching toes together at the top.
    It was good. It was really good.

    First Thang: Dox
    The SV 150
    Mosey to the basketball court and partner up
    Buy in was 1 full suicide to get to the signs at the other end of the court, and after completing the chosen number of sets (given on the sign) frog hop back to get your bling

    Bronze: 10 points
    Silver: 15
    Gold: 25

    Stations for your choosing:
    1 Bobby Hurleys
    2 SSH
    3 freddy mercuries
    4 mountain climbers
    5 leg raise Dora with fence run
    6 Bonnie Blairs

    You cannot repeat a station and
    10 minute timer till we had a winner

    This went along with what YHC planned for a cardio torcher mixed with some core work. As always, it was great to be under the watchful Eye of Yankee “Sauron” Joe for an iron sharpening form critique. Great team efforts across the board. The jello legs set in very quick with frog hops and huge T – claps to Safety Valve his 4th in a row post and for continuing to pretend that being YHC’s partner is a good time.
    In the end Team Ronnie/Jeaux rekindled that old flame from last years fling to take 1st place with 100 points.
    YJ conquered his inner zinc demons and was all about the Climb  with his new found knowledge that Miley Cyrus and Hanna Montana are the same person (not a Finkle/Einhorn situation).

    Second Thang: Goose
    We gathered ALL the gear and headed back to the flag. Again, YHC had to decide between a practical grinder of 11’s, or a fun, yet challenging competition. And, again, the chemistry took over, so the fun spirit of competition continued.
    YHC grabbed some baseballs (actual baseballs, YJ) as the PAX split into new teams of three. Each team got a ball, and YHC introduced Rarajipari, a game in which teams run and kick a ball a given distance. The only rule given this morning were that the ball couldn’t be kicked by the same PAX twice. The starting line was the entrance driveway, and we had to kick it around the civic center to the mouth of the opposite driveway (a little over a quarter mile, I think). And, since it only took five minutes to complete this, we turned around and took it back the other way (to the delight of all).
    Athleticism was helpful, and endurance was a must, but the drive to get to the ball was the ultimate factor in this one. Most ran the loop faster than they otherwise would have–this caused the PAX (minus those who had attended the NOLA convergence a couple of years ago) to be surprised at how physically demanding this game is. Ultimately, though, since this crew was made up of some very driven men, it seemed that the soccer skills of Yankee Joe and Safety Valve were the deciding factor in giving their team the win. (YHC could get to the ball but couldn’t seem to kick it more than three feet, and even then, in an unhelpful direction.)

    COT, Valve got the loaded GiGi, and Pope prayed us out.

    Conclusion: Dox

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    At some AO ages and ages hence
    The men of F3 take the road less traveled
    And that has made all the difference

  • Outlive & the 4 Pillars of Exercise Fitness – from Enron

    YHC has been on a recent journey to learn more about the health secrets to longevity, and more importantly how to live out a longer health span and not just lifespan. Two potentially very different things. After some push from his concierge service PCP, or at least a guy that claims to be a doctor (we all know his M is the actual physician), he picked up a book called Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia. A great read I might add. Although, admittingly only the first 100 pages of over 490 pages have been read so far, YHC thought it would be a good thing to pass some of the preliminary information on to the remainder of the PAX. Therefore the 4 pillars of exercise fitness were created, well more like repeated, and copied from someone much smarter.

    YHC arrived early to write down some lists on an “exercise board”, which was just a piece of construction paper after an unwanted spring-cleaning event removed the dry erase board that was perfect for these things …. But I digress. The PAX quickly started to arrive, and by the time the beatdown started we were 9 strong at the Stage.

    An Introduction to the 5 Tactics of the Longevity Toolkit were quickly listed as follows and a short description of each was given:
    1)Nutation Biochemistry
    2) Exercise Fitness
    3) Sleep
    4) Distress Tolerance
    5) Drugs, Supplements, and Hormones

    Because we aren’t coming to the stage to eat (not this week at least) or sleep (although Tana looked like he might still be halfway there), YHC informed the PAX we would be covering the 4 pillars of exercise fitness as it applies to longevity training. Those four pillars are different types of exercise training that should be completed on a weekly basis and are as follows:

    1) Zone 2 Training – keeping heart rate at 60-70% of your max consistently through an exercise. Another way to judge if you are in zone 2 heart rate is if you can still carry a conversation while performing the level of exercise.
    2) Strength
    3) Stability
    4) V02 Max or Zone 5 Training – This is maximum effort and 90-100% of Max Heart Rate training.
    As a certain “doctor” once said, “Duke, lets get this show on the road.”
    Warmup:
    SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles, Cherry Pickers, IW, Willie Mays Hayes, Self-Love

    ZONE 2 Training:
    Mosied for a mile while keeping conversation for the duration of the jog. This was approximately a 10–11-minute mile pace. We ended up getting going a little fast, and every person will be different from a heart rate standpoint.

    Strength Training:
    Broke out the coupons and did the following exercises in order for 2 rounds.
    5 Man Makers
    10 Overhead Press
    15 Kettle Bell Swings
    20 Coupon Bench Press
    25 Merkins
    30 Goblet Squats
    35 Curls
    40 LBCs

    Stability Training:
    The following were meant to be performed until failure, but due to time constraints and Goose’s ability to do each of these for way too long, we completed a minute of each of the following:
    1) Hold Al Gore
    2) Mission Impossible Plank
    3) 6-inch Hold

    VO2 Max – Zone 5 Training:
    Sprinted to each of 3 picnic tables spread throughout the field about 15 yards apart, completed 1 burpee at the first and Nured back, then back to the second, 2 burpees, and so forth until we had worked our way up to 4 burpees then counted back down.

    Recover called.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.
    Reminder that next Friday and Saturday is the SV500 and signups need to be completed soon. Can’t wait for that Thursday Cardinal Q!

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Endurance – from Paradox

    YHC arrived a touch early to the stage to set out a few cones on the back end of Richmans loop for a light cardio routine (rest and recovery is my thing ya know)
    . All was set, a few minutes to spare when nature called. YHC has become quite a fine purveyor of port o potty’s during my career at the stage. When demand meets supply plus IBS…well..Dr. Maught can tell you the rest of that equation this fall. I took a lovely light mosey to a very new Po’P to reread my bd notes.
    After reviewing the walls and wondering why I should call Terry for a good time (does he know we have a free men’s workout?) I hustled out to make good timing. That’s when I slipped and hit my head on the curb and the lights when out….

    …
    Somewhere in the Wedel Sea
    during “The other expedition”

    Fierce polar winds threatened to rip our tent apart with every breath as we huddled inside for warmth. Captain Goose had called this meeting on our 400th day at sea, floating aimlessly on the pack ice.

    He peered at us through a thick frosted beard
    “I’ll be straight with you men. We’ve got 800 miles to cover in a 20 foot life boat to save the pax we left on Fartsack island.
    There’s 9 of us and only enough provisions for 8.
    There’s also a pistol with 1 bullet left..”
    The tent door rustled open sharply and YJ popped is head in
    “What are y’all doing in here, is this an SLT meeting? Anyway I’m doing my heavy hands routine out here to stay warm if anyone wants to join” …cricket chirps…
    “Nobody?” This time even the Antarctic cricket was silent.
    He went back out and a collective sigh spread through the men.
    YHC shook his head in reply “ I’m sorry, we had to bring him, Rienzi 1 percenters funded the trip ya know “
    Captain Goose cleared his throat to re-establish order “Well it’s going to take every ounce of strength we have to save those men and…”
    YJ pops back in visibly more excited.
    “Hey I created a song called ice ice baby , it’s got a dope beat y’all come listen “ then he strutted back out.
    Across the tent, Tana pulled the last bullet from his shirt pocket, his gaze still stuck on the place YJ stood, he handed it to YHC with a nod. “Save it till we are starving but when the time comes you know what to do. Back of the head and Make sure he knows his backblasts were the best. “
    YHC racked the shell into his pistol as a single tear formed then froze in the artic gloom.
    Silence descended on the tent
    “For the pax” I said as the light faded …
    …

    YHC regained consciousness just in time to walk up and meet 9 sea worthy men at the stage in record setting humidity. They trickled in slowly following an abnormally early Cardinal arrival (61% sleep and fresh roasted grounds works wonders, can’t wait for his Q Thursday ).
    We circled up, all smiles, and only one of us knew what was waiting in the depths of the loop.

    Duke it’s time to cross Antarctica!
    Roll the footage !

    Warmups
    The usuals with 30 IWs by request because some jerk made us coupon lunge on Saturday. Chatter was at a zero but Bone thugz was just getting warmed up! A mosey to the bumper to get started.

    YHC started a series of beatdowns today to honor men throughout history that displayed courage and leadership in the face of great adversity.
    We shall call it Memorable Men Mondays (thanks smooth)

    Today we salute you …
    Sir Ernest Shackleton
    Considered one of the last great Antarctic Explorers. Most famous for his attempt to be the first to cross Antarctica in 1914 and today we would focus on his leadership during that expedition.

    First we needed to go back in time to 1914 and you if you are going to return 109 years the only appropriate travel is Nur. Goose repeated this a few times then seemed to accept it and I fear where his next time travel Q may take us.
    So we ran backwards to the fresh paint lot into the age of exploration.

    August 1 1914 : the ship Endurance sets sail from London to South Georgia Island with 28 men aboard as the Imperial TransAntartic Expedition begins. Their goal is to make landfall on Antarctica , hike across with sled dogs, and meet up with another crew on the other side…simple right?

    28 merkins for the 28 men aboard endurance.

    From South Georgia they left land and unknown to them would not return for 497 days.

    Stuck in pack Ice only 60 miles from their land destination the Endurance began to slowly be crushed by relentless pack ice and they were forced to abandon ship and camp on the drifting ice.

    “Ice Ice Baby “ by Vanilla Ice
    Rock Balboas – Jump Knee Tucks on ice ice baby.
    The pax had trivia which would free them from the Vanilla torture.
    What Year was song released? (1990) 1 minute
    What is vanilla ice real Name- Robert Van Winkle 2 minutes
    What lawsuit did this song create – Queen Under Pressure copyright) 3 minutes
    Two minutes were gained after Goose and YJ had a classic senior moment and went with 1991.

    Indian run to the back of Richmans loop where we found YHCs full arsenal of COUS (coupons of unusual size, thanks Tap) with the coup de grace being a rowing machine YHC plucked from his brother in law several months ago in a blockbuster trade deal for sketchy discount medical care. The concrete schoolyard was ready and the pax were willing.

    At this point Shackletons crew , after watching their beloved ship be crushed by ice and sink, must traverse roughly 100 miles of unruly pack ice all in 3 life boats to the closest land , Elephant Island .

    To honor this YHC put together a circuit with various tasks to represent the varied tasks of the men of Endurance .
    Everyone found a cone and we got to work.

    Voyage 1 Circuit
    45 seconds
    Patience Camp to Elephant Island

    1 rowing – 28s/m
    2 seal jacks
    3 Med ball hammers
    4 med ball v ups
    5. mountain climber
    6. Leg raises
    7. Suicides
    8. Hickory Lunges
    9. Freddy merks

    The pax performed admirably here despite minimal directions from YHC. Bone thugs has progressed into quite a force of mumblechatter and started to find his voice as the reps piled up. Pope continues to be an unstoppable force.

    In a 5 day journey the men make it to Elephant island 1/2 starved, several with frost bite but still fighting.
    Shackleton makes the decision to put 5 men (including himself) in the James Caird, their best life boat and attempt an 800 mile trip to South Georgia Island to get help. They leave with 23 men on the island knowing that if they fail , everyone will perish.

    Voyage 2 Circuit
    60 seconds
    Elephant Island to South Georgia
    800 miles
    1. rowing
    2. SSH
    3. BBSU w ball
    4. Med ball v up
    5. Flutter kicks
    6. Apollo Onos
    7. Nur suicide
    8. KB thrusters
    9. Med ball smash

    800 miles, 17 days and a hurricane in the most feared polar sea on planet earth and the 5 men survive to arrive at South Georgia Island.
    One final task to reach help and rescue their shipmates….
    A 26 mile hike across the island (which is basically a glacier) to civilization.

    Time to hoof it.

    We left everything for a 1/2 mile sprint back to the flag.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    T- Claps to Safety Valve for his second post after the Catan massacre. Solid work from BT as well.

    SV 500 on Aug 12!
    Jambalaya tickets for sale

    NMM
    I stumbled upon this incredible story this summer and it blew me away. The perseverance through obstacles, the mounting intensity, and the odds looking worse and worse at every turn will have you on the edge of your seat. It has my highest reading recommendation. ( See links below) .
    The ability of Shackleton to have the men buy into giving everything they had to save the man next to them or the ones left behind was simply incredible.

    Clearly we don’t face anything even in this stratosphere on a day to day basis but it did remind me of the men in my own life. The ones ready to empty the tank when the cause is great and the glory not our own.
    Grateful to be surrounded by you gents, nobody id rather be in the boat with.

    https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/127307/?refId=40886&detailsLocale=US&refId=41464&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7-y_mZW6gAMVcwetBh0rIgy7EAQYASABEgL8EPD_BwE

    Epilogue

    “The Other Expedition”

    It was day 497 at sea for the 9 men who had left Fartsack island to find help.
    The provisions gone , the boat held together in tatters, most men with blackened toes and fingers.
    8 souls crumpled into the bottom of the boat clinging to life….

    All but one continued to row.

    The one they had saved the bullet for.

    Scientist would later spend decades trying to explain how this man single-handedly saved his crew. Some say it was years of his heavy hands routines. Others say that the only manuscript of his backblasts were in that boat and he knew the world needed them.
    But only the men of F3 Thibodaux knew
    , it was the chatter , all he ever needed was the chatter.

    “Ice Ice Baby” Joe whispered as he peered into the sky and led the boat to land.
    His pax were safe and the chatter would live on.

    SYITG
    Dox