Tag: Mambi

  • F3 Justice – from Kuch

    F3 Regional Court – View District

    In the View District Court of F3 New Orleans

    ————————————————————–
    F3 Nola,
    Petitioner,
    v.
    Jeffrey “Kuch” Green
    Respondent
    ———————————————————-

    Kenner (America’s City), USA

    Friday, Oct. 29th, 2021

    APPEARANCES:

    The Honorable Boudreaux T. Hawgcycle, III, Pontiff, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Fracsac, The View, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Jefferey “Kuch” Green; LVCCC, F3 NOLA; the Respondent.
    Mambi, Hokie, Mahatma, Bear, Kennah Bruh, War Eagle, Bolt, Triple Shift as witnesses

    DISCLAIMER AND WARM-UP
    (5:30 AM)

    PROCEEDINGS
    (5:35 AM)

    Judge Hawgcycle: We will hear the argument in case 21-003, F3 NOLA vs. Jeffery “Kuch” Green. Mr. Kuch, allegations have been brought forth that you are a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, no good, Yankee lawyer. These are serious allegations and will be discussed at length throughout this morning’s trial. In keeping with a tradition of the court we will open this session with 15 burpees on your own. Proceed.
    The courtroom does 15 burpees. Bailiff Fracsac ensures that burpees end with a clap, adhering to courtroom regulations.

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the first allegation against Mr. Kuch. It has been discovered that in early 2018, Mr. Kuch visited a Yankee website to look up exercise names. After visiting said website, he proceeded to name running up a levee backwards “The Bernie Sanders.” The court contends that Mr. Kuch had no authority in naming this exercise. Let the records show that as early as 2016 this exercise, commonly performed at the City Park District AO Okwata, had been referred to by the name “Quadraphilia,” by the good men of F3 NOLA. If it pleases the court (and it does) everyone will now participate in a round of Quadraphilia. By definition this exercise will last 4 minutes.

    The Court did a round of Quadraphilia

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the second allegation against Mr. Kuch. It appears Mr. Kuch has started a non-F3 workout with only F3 participants. This is the bi-weekly Broga workout occurring in the City Partk District of F3 NOLA. This is an unsanctioned workout, but because of the F3 only participation, it has caused a great deal of confusion in the greater community. Article I of the Core Principles is clearly broken. The workout is not free. Adherence to Article IV of the Core Principals is questionable at best. The workout is led by the same gentleman each time, Mark “Pretzel” Berger. Mr. Pretzel is an acquaintance of the Court and his F3ness is clearly in question. Now if it pleases the court (and it clearly does) I will lead the court in a round of F3 NOLA Style Yoga to provide an example of how one should properly pay for a beatdown….through pain.

    The Court did the following exercises:
    • Downward Dog Merkins x 20
    • Warrior I Bonnie Blairs x 5

    At this time the court yields the floor to the Respondent:

    MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT:

    Kuch: the charges against me are serious, and I apologize to this Honorable Court and the Metry contingent on hand for the following:

    • Any time one of your wives saw me in one of my super hot tank tops and accidentally called you Kuch during intimate conversations during the following week.
    • For all of those times you got home and didn’t have to throw your $100 pair of tennis shoes in the dryer or place them on the outside A/C unit.
    • For using the exicon in an attempt to bring more variety to workouts and to make them more interesting.
    • For giving you an opportunity to gain mobility and prevent injuries.
    • For giving you a safe place to wear your yoga pants.

    In my defense, I come before the Court with exercises I believe will please Sheriff Frac Sac.
    The thang: 9 minute ascending EMOM burpee pyramid starting at 6 burpees and going through 14. On the dark side of the levee with visibility low, appropriate tunes were selected: Metallica’s “One” on repeat throughout the 9 minutes. Mumblechatter ensued. T-claps to the 4 people who got every single burpee. It was dark, but I recall Triple Shift, Sheriff Frac, The Hon. Hawgcycle, and one more (maybe Mahatma?)

    I reserve the remainder of my time for rebuttal:

    THE MORE SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS

    Judge Hawgcycle: It is the understanding of this court that Mr. Kuch has manipulated dozens of men in the greater New Orleans area using aggressive, psychological techniques. Through his manipulation he has convinced them to leave their comfortable, yet joyless lives, and follow him in the Gloom of F3 NOLA. Mr. Kuch’s aggressive behavior does not stop there. He constantly terrorizes men, texting them each evening to pressure them into posting in the Gloom. He is known to arrive in their driveway, yanking them from the comforts of their home and taking them to that morning’s workout. There have been allegations that he has an organized a car pool ring, known only as the LVCC, that terrorizes the Lakeview Community every weekday morning. The court does not take these allegations lightly. If it pleases the court (and it obviously does) we will now participate in an exercise to prove how psychotic this man is. May I have a volunteer?

    Kennah-Bruh raised his hand

    6 cones(representing the men of this world) were set out about 10 yards apart along the bike path. Kennah-Bruh played the role of Kuch and it was his job to make sure each cone was standing. All other members of the court represented the Cares of the World and their job was to knock the cones down. After knocking a cone over, you run to the top of the levee, then you can come back and knock cones over again.

    We did this for about 4 minutes. Kennah-Bruh worked valiantly to keep the cones upright, but he was unable to do so. At this point Kennah-Bruh petitioned the court for assistance.

    Mambi joined Kennah-Bruh and over the next 3 minutes they worked together to keep the cones upright. They had better results, but many cones continued to be knocked down.

    Triple Shift petitioned the court to join Mambi and Kennah-Bruh. With three men monitoring 6 cones it was more difficult for the Cares of the World to knock cones down. It became clear by then end of the exercise that anything greater than a one-to-one ratio of Kuchs to cones would be optimal. The court rests upon the argument that this is the goal of Kuch, to create an army of men in Lakeview that are constantly protecting the well-being of others.

    IN MY FURTHER DEFENSE:

    I throw myself at the mercy of this Court and acknowledge the seriousness of the transgressions, especially the yoga. Who could have known when this all started that only months later, F3 men would be showing up to workouts in yoga pants and their newest Lululemon attire. I take no joy in the yoga-fying of f3 New Orleans, and again in my defense, I think most of the uptown guys already had a considerable amount of Lululemon athleticasual wear for all seasons. I suggest it could have been worse – I’ve never made a man wear Notre Dame shoes. I don’t get people’s feet wet when I Q. There is a lot respect for shoes in the LVCC. I’ve never asked a man to take a 12-hour stroll with a 30-pound backpack or run 100 miles through the damn woods. But still, in light of the charges against me, with my last act as champion of this AO, soon to deposed, I set my sights on one final goal.

    Now, some may say this goal is completely out of reach, like teaching the blind to see or the deaf to hear. I prefer to think of it as a “lifetime project,” something that we know will take many many eons to attain, but remains attainable, in theory at least, nonetheless. That goal: Bring a modicum of frisbee competency to Metry.

    The thang: Gather in a circle, 2 in the middle, guys in the circle pass the frisbee around, and everytime it hits the ground, 5 merks for everyone in the circle and 2 new people in the middle. There. Were. Many. Merkins. I lost count quickly. However, as time went on, we were able to string together some rallies, so I feel like we took an important step. We will see next time we all step on the field.

    In all seriousness, briefly: Thanks for having me fellas. Thanks for a truly unique and creative beatdown, Hawg. Thanks for the encouragement, and thanks for bearing with me for the stuff that did not work as well. Frisindian run…. Enjoyed spending some time with my Metry brothers. I will be back. Congrats to Hawg, truly a HIM.

    VERDICT:

    Court was adjourned around the flag of the United States of America. After instructions from the lead juror, Mr. Mambi, the jury quickly returned a unanimous guilty verdict on all counts. It is hereby proclaimed by this court that Mr. Kuch has been found guilty of being a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, Clown Car driving, Emotional Headlocking, Accountability Providing, Encouraging, High Impact Man and is hearby relieved of his duties as the Champion Q of F3 New Orleans and is sentenced to 6 months of Community Service in the Pontiff District teaching the most uncoordinated men in the F3 NOLA region the fundamentals of Frisbee.

  • Dancing with the Devil at El Diablo – from Triple Shift

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
    Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
    If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
    But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.

    One of the main things I love about F3 is the brotherhood that gets forged when working out with another man. As you know, the immediate unknown of Covid-19 caused many to forego the gloom from a health perspective. Unfortunately, from my observation, many members have foregone the gloom from a habit perspective. Today, I wanted to incorporate a partner workout to bring back what I enjoyed the most about F3….shared suffering.

    Warmup
    Twelve other men joined me as we warmed up around the track doing butt kicks, high knees, side shuffles, and cariocas and then headed to the rock pile. We started with 31 SSH then 10 eight count squats, and 10 eight count merkins. After the warmup, I directed the PAX to get a heavy rock and head to the goal line on the football field.

    The Thang
    We partnered up for 25 Patty Cake Merkins, 25 BBSU, 10 Bulgarian Split Squats (Pax 1 is kneeling on the ground with one knee forward and one knee backward while Pax 2 props his back foot on Pax 1 front knee and performs the Split Squat), and finally the crowd pleaser of 10 Nordic Hamstring Curls.

    After we finished up those exercises, we performed the ‘Tortoise and the Hare B.O.M.B.S.’ on the football field. Pax 1 carries the heavy rock down the field to the other goal line while Pax 2 does 5 Burpees. After Pax 2 completes his five burpees, he runs and tags Pax 1 (who now does 5 burpees) to take the heavy rock and continues walking until he gets to the end of the field and then turns around to walk back. After the 5 Burpees, the next exercise is 10 Outlaws (think O Mary), 15 Merkins, 20 BBSU, and then 25 Squats until everyone finishes.

    Time is running short so we mosey back to the rock pile to circle up and perform 10 straight leg deadlifts (8 count). Head back to the starting point and finish up with 5 big boy sit ups then stand up without the use of your hands.

    Countoff, Namerama, and COT
    I thanked the PAX for allowing me to lead and I closed out with a prayer for God to provide healing and peace for all those struggling with disease and the difficult time we live in.

  • The Star of the Pyramid – from Fracsac

    YHC committed to the Star of the View as the IPC was completed Monday, and this guy had no intention of making a second go of it.

    Not sure who would be present, a simple beat down was prepared. Luckily Kimchi and Mambi showed up to prevent a one Pax show.

    Disclaimer given, then mosey to the lake side of the levee.

    Warmup

    SSh IC x 31
    AV IC x 10
    GG IC x 10
    Bat wings with AC, OC, SC and MNC

    The Thang

    Call in a Ponzi, a ladder, or a pyramid. Build upon each with a lap between. The lap was up and over the levee to street and back, completing 5 jump squats on top of the levee. Anytime a plane came, more burpees!

    5 Burpees
    10 big boi sit ups
    15 Merkins
    20 flutter kicks
    25 LBC’s
    30 Lunges
    35 shoulder Taps
    40 monkey humpers

    COT

    NMM

    -Next week is when the Q vs Q comes back with Boo Boo vs Kuch. You’re not gonna want to miss it. The belt provided by Mambi is over the top!
    -Lots of opportunities to help hurricane victims in the weeks to come. Check out Slack or Mumblechatter for deets. Not on Slack? Ask on Mumblechatter to be added and drop an email. Not on Mumblechatter? I’m speechless…..

    SYITG
    

  • Mode of Transportation (MoT) and Coupon fun – from Hokie

    Our mission is to
    plant, grow and serve
    small workout groups for men
    for the invigoration of male community leadership.

    6 Pax (Frac, Triple, Bar Tab, Mambi, Boo Boo and yours truly) enjoyed the beautiful morning with pleasant temps and relatively low humidity.

    Warm ups
    Bulgarian Lunges/Squats
    Arm Circles
    SSH

    The Thang

    Using Cinder Block Coupons ~ Catch me if you can to the end (800 ft).

    PAX 1 does the 20 reps of the exercise with coupon; then farmer carries two coupons to catch PAX 2 who has been doing the MoT (Mode of Transportation); they switch roles; keep alternating roles until they reach the end of the 800′ runway. (From Circle to 1st large Power tower). At end of runway ~ Iron Sharpens Iron dictates 100 LBC’s & then Shoulder Taps til the six

    1. 20 Shoulder presses – MoT (Mode of Transportation) Bear Crawl.
    2. 20 Big Boi Sit-ups – MoT Broad Jump Burpees
    3. 20 Bicep Curl – MoT Double Tap Lunge
    4. 20 Upright Row – MoT Crab Walk.

    Anytime a plane goes overhead, we took “a break” and did 5 Seal Burpees (A Burpee with three merkins) 1st merkin, then right leg spider man, 2nd merkin, left leg spider man, 3rd merkin… followed with a jump 😉

    Upon returning we knocked out 50 chest presses and a little stretch.

    Closed with COT and reminder for Saban’s birthday 7 miler tonight and tomorrow’s 60th Birthday Party Q by Kenner Brah

  • The Joyous All Stars – from Fracsac

    4 All Stars gathered at the View for a Joyous beat down led by none other than YHC, unanimously voted as All Star MVP by a panel of individuals that shall remain anonymous. Trust me, it’s true.

    Mambi, Hokie, War Eagle and YHC grabbed a coupon, disclaimers were given, then up and over the levee we went.

    Warmup

    SSH IC x 31
    Grass Grabbers IC x 10
    Abe Vigodas IC x 10
    Hillbillies IC x 15
    Bat wings IC x 10

    COP 1 – Block Webbs!
    1 Merkin on Coupon, followed by 2 block presses
    2 merkins, 4 block presses, so forth and so on until the Q calls it…..we’ll come back to those later.

    COP 2: BOMBS
    Blockees x 10 (Manmaker, aka burpee with a block)
    Run up the levee to the cones and bear crawl the course, run back.
    Overhead presses x 20
    Bear Crawl course
    Merkins on the coupon x 30
    Bear Crawl course
    Bicep Curls x 40
    Bear Crawl course
    Squats x 50
    Bear Crawl course

    COP 3 – BLIMPS
    Blockees x 5 (Manmaker, aka burpee with a block)
    Bear Crawl course
    Lunges x 10 with coupon
    Bear Crawl course
    Imperial Walkers x 15 w/o coupon
    Bear Crawl course
    Merkins x 20 with coupon
    Bear Crawl course
    Plank Jacks x 25 on Coupon
    Bear Crawl course
    Squats x 30 with Coupon
    Bear Crawl course

    We owed a few more Block Webb’s, so they were completed here.

    Head back to flag

    LBC IC x 100

    COT

    NMM

    – The new coupons staged at the View are the real deal, feel free to come and critique them for yourself.
    – It was a requirement to be joyful during the beat down, but we didn’t do enough burpees. We should have done more burpees. Who voted me MVP anyway?? The bat wings we did have gone wasted without burpees. I’m a total disappointment.

    SYITG

  • Frac-Cycle – from Mahatma

    The disclaimer……yet stressed if you don’t push yourself beyond your comfort zone you’ll never leave it.

    This is the Frac-Cycle beatdown – most guest it contained burpees and running but what kind of running was not immediately known and how many burpees would surprise us all.

    Added incentive – 4 minute timer so whenever the dawg barks – 4 burpees and continue what you were doing.
    Short mosey to our starting spot – Warm Up
    SSH
    Grass Grabbers
    AbVagoda
    Toy Soldiers
    Smurf’s

    Several rounds of timer: 4 burpees

    Mosey over the levee to get things started:
    1. Baby Hill with 5 rounds of Quadrophilia

    Move back to the levee set the cones – all future effort for time. Pax lined up for 3 rounds each, 1st round set the time to beat after – 10 sec lower than round 1, otherwise more burpees.
    2. Diamond – all running with 3 merkins at the top, run down – 6 rounds – restart as soon as last pax reached the bottom. 30 secs rest between rounds 3&4
    Timmer burpees

    3. L – bear crawl, shuttle to Quadrophilia – 5 merkins at the top, run down – 3 rounds
    4. L – rinse and repeat shuttle to the right 3 rounds
    5. Broad jump midway, finish with Kong to the top – 4 burpees run down 3 rounds
    6. Quadrophilia up midway – shuttle over then bear crawl to the top at an angle 10 gas pumps run down

    Finished with 3 round full levee Quadrophilia sprint to the top.

    Walk over levee – Boo Boo lead mosey back (kenna bra sprinted).

    1 minute plank and merkin finisher.

    COT – a lot to be thankful for.

  • Da Plane! Da Plane! – from Fracsac

    9 Pax made a choice to take the DRP on their journey to get right and posted to the Westward Ho!!
    There was a new theme for the beat down that had all pax rejoicing! Anytime an airplane was heard, all would do 10 burpees. With a shovel flag planted, disclaimer was given, then mosey for:

    Warmup

    Airplane! 10 burpees OYO

    IW x 15
    GG IC x 12
    Abe Vigodas x 10

    Mosey to the levee. Start off with Jacob’s Ladder:

    Run up levee, 1 burpee, run back down
    Run up levee, 2 burpees, back down
    Continue up to 7.

    Mosey to a grassy area for a pax choice. YHC asked Bogey to choose between M and J. With M being the choice, it was time for:

    Motivator! Basically a deconstructed SSH from sets of 10 down to 1. #CrowdPleaser

    Next Papa Smurf was asked to choose between J and S. He couldn’t pass up the J, so:

    Jack Webbs

    1 merkin, 2 air presses
    2 Merkins, 4 air presses
    Continue up to 10 Merkins and 20 air presses.

    Plane!! 10 burpees

    Mambi had to choose between T and D. He enthusiastically chose D:

    Plane! Hey that’s the same plane! Overruled! 10 Burpees!

    DirtyMacDeuce

    4 rounds of 3 x 12 rep exercises, an arm, a leg and a core. Run a lap after each round. The lap was up and over the levee.

    Merkins, Big boi sit-ups, squats
    Lap
    Shoulder Taps, flutter kicks, Bobby Hurleys
    Lap
    Floyd Mayweathers, tin snips, burpees IC
    Lap
    Catalina wine mixers, LBC’s, 8 count body builders IC
    Lap

    War Eagle looked up and said Senior Q, Da Plane, Da Plane!! YHC thanked Tattoo…err….War Eagle….and 10 Burpees!
    YHC lost count of burpees…🤷‍♂️

    COT

    NMM

    -YHC was excited to see 9 Pax at Westward Ho! Thanks for coming out.
    -There was a light rain that cooled us down
    -Congrats to War Eagle on his 2.1 on the way, due 31 December! Solid tax credit!!🤣. Maybe you had to be there…..

    SYITG

    Thanks for the opportunity to be a part of this awesome brotherhood!

  • Shuffle the Deck – from Stiletto

    The Westward Ho always gives ya a nice breeze to go with the beatdown!

    8 PAX at the Treasure Chest. Started with intro and Mosey toward the Pier.

    Warmup:

    15 Each

    SSH
    Grass Grabbers
    Imperial Walkers
    OverHead Claps
    Seal Claps

    The Thang: DECK OF DEATH!

    Face Cards are x15, Deuces are x20, Joker is x100 LBC’s

    Hearts: Big Boy Sit-Ups (Fracsac really wanted Burpees)
    Diamonds: Knuckle Merkins (Love you Heisenberg)
    Clubs: Squats
    Spades: Mountain Climbers

    We went counter-clockwise to grab cards. We grabbed 2 cards per exercise instead of 1 for a little push! After every rotation of all 8 guys grabbing cards, we ran a lap around the pier.

    We went through the whole deck with 8 min to spare for MARY.

    Crunchy Frogs (Mahatma)
    Dying Cockroach (Mambi)
    10 Snips (FracSac)
    LazyBoy (HOKIE)
    Flutter Kicks (Pai Gow)
    American Hammers (Heisenberg)

    COT:

    Announcements and a word of encouragement about pushing out the voices of shame in our day-to-day schedule and life.

    Prayer and Dismissal