F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lil’ Cuz

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.

  • Jurptown Rides at Dawn – from Goose

    After absolutely zero interactions or responses to YHC’s hype on GroupMe last night, low numbers were expected this morning, especially after Yankee Jeaux’s thrasher on Saturday. YHC is starting to see a pattern of slim Mondays after tough Saturdays (IPC last month really nailed this home). So, Pope and I weren’t surprised to see a lone, very brightly lit truck waiting for us in the parking lot at 5:12 am. Thankfully, per usual, the PAX did not disappoint, and two more fancy trucks made their way in before the warmup was over; and thankfully, they were both inhabitants of Jurptown, USA. The ever-stalwart Safety Valve and the ever-jurping Lil’ Cuz made it a five man crew with Wet Tap and Pope repping “We Ride at Dawn” with their newly minted headbands.

    The usual warmups with lots of reps and with added high knees and butt kicks still weren’t enough to break through the soreness and stiffness from Saturday, but YHC had hopes that the first Thang could handle it.

    Thang 1: Merkin Mile
    The Merkin Mile feels like that one girl that every guy talked about for a while in 7th grade. But, after a few months, when they realized that she had already gone through “changes” and was merely annoyed by them, they just found other things to talk about, like Zelda or murder bunnies. But, with the opportunity to both loosen up and rack up a quick 150 points, it was time to resurrect an old faithful. Mile loop with 25 merkins at each quarter-mile. We stayed together as a group, just like at the 7th grade dance.

    Thang 2: 11’s. Twice.
    The first set of 11’s were in response to the mathematical reality that YHC learned on Saturday: manmakers rack up a ton of points. And, knowing that Valve and YHC share a deep love for manmakers, why not stack up 55 of them in 15 minutes? Thankfully, YHC had the wherewithal to put the manmakers first, starting with 10 and working down, otherwise we may have lost our morale for good. So, it was manmakers at the flag and v-ups at the opposite sidewalk, running there and nurring back.
    The second set brought sweet relief from the manmakers, but that relief died a quick, violent death after just one round: Bonnie Blairs at the flag and curls (2:1) at the sidewalk, carioca both ways. Bonnies to carioca and then back to carioca after not enough time curling to catch your breath was a deadly combination. 10 minutes was not enough to finish this one, though we got close.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out, but we had some jurping to do. All 5 stayed through the first round (a little slower on the back end of a beatdown than on the front end), and Tap had to roll, but the rest of us pushed through three more so we could be done for the day. And, no one wants to jurp alone.

    Incredible work by these manly men this morning. Thanks for being willing to get out of bed and post! It was a point feast, and these fellas earned every one of them.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Prost! An Oktoberfest Origin Story – from Yankee Joe

    The year is 1976. A piercing cry breaks through the pre-dawn gloom of the small hamlet in West Germany.

    “Nein, Frau Best, it’s ok… he’s supposed to look like that…”

    After several hours of counseling and education that you cannot “trade in” a baby, the young mother finally concedes. She brings the youngling home, hoping to place him in a side show or perhaps a “world’s hairiest baby” contest.

    A few months pass, and (as per German tradition) the infant is abandoned in the Black Forest with only a six-pack of Bitburger Pils.
    The memories of that youngling’s first year of life in that forest, memories only of beer, bears, and pain, fueled this morning’s beatdown. . .

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Toy soldiers
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Butt kicks
    High knees
    Self love

    Mosey to the truck to pick up “Brew-pons”.

    Thang 1:
    German Volumetric Training (or YHC’s bastardization if it)
    10 exercises, 10 reps each. All Merkins, all the time
    In some particular order:
    Fingertip Merkins
    Diamond Merkins
    Crucible Merkins
    Sphinx Merkins (2=1)
    Man maker Merkins (2=1)
    Knurkins
    Creature Merkins (2=1)
    Superman Merkins
    Derkins
    Merkins

    (Aside: a German Merkin is a Gherkin, which is a small pickle. Nobody wants that.)

    Goose absolutely killed this, figuring out where the Merkin stations were as well as physically destroying the reps.
    YHC forgot where station 2 was, and self penalized himself with an extra set of Diamond merkins.
    And there was much grunting.

    Thang 1.5:
    Bear Crawl to Berlin. And back.
    Smooth Operator displayed superhuman ability here. Defying physics, he somehow bear-crawled downhill while on level ground.

    Thang 2:
    Make it Stop: Oktoberfest

    We began with WWIII sit-ups while German-language or German-centric songs play. Anyone who can identify the song, Artist, album, or year released, gets to change the exercise.
    Goose showed unprecedented music prowess by nailing both “Major Tom” and “Rock Me Amadeus” correctly (in spite of YHC erroneously thinking it was simply called “Amadeus”).
    Honeysuckle, the usual ringer for music knowledge, displayed his patriotism here by refusing to identity any of die Musik.
    Also, apparently every popular German language song was released in 1983. And who knew Lou Bega was from Munich?

    (Paradiddle’s contribution during this phase of the beatdown, while significant, consisted solely of gas and giggles.)

    Final Thang: Stein hold

    Brewpons are held out at chest level, Bruce Lee-style, emulating the traditional Oktoberfest Steinholding competition.
    ‘Lil Cuz won, reinforcing his steadfast love for his brewpon.

    GG to Paradiddle for reasons obvious to all.

    Brewpons to go.

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Epilogue:

    The youngling, nourished on hops and barley, and fortified by merkins, emerges from the depths of the forest.
    Bear-crawling a few meters further, it rises up on its now-ample haunches, howling, “Ich bin Deuchlands Besten!”

  • Better together – from Safety Valve

    Today was the day. IPC week 3 on a Saturday morning at the Peltch. On paper it seemed a daunting task. But that’s just life isn’t it. Sometimes it’s sweet and a breeze. Sometimes it’s tougher than we think we can deal with and overwhelming. Looking back on challenging times in my own life, in the heat of the moment, it seemed as if YHC would never make it through. Now in retrospect, YHC made it through those tough times because of the people that surrounded me. The same can be said about week 3 IPC.

    After a short mosey to the tennis court at the Peltch, and some mild confusion for Diddle, we began.

    Warmaramma
    Side straddle hops
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers

    The Thang

    Round 1
    10 merkins
    15 thrusters
    20 merkins
    25 thrusters
    30 merkins

    400 meter run

    Round 2
    10 thrusters
    15 v ups
    20 thrusters
    25 v ups
    30 thrusters

    400 meter run

    Round 3
    10 v ups
    15 jungle bois
    20 v ups
    25 jungle bois
    30 v ups

    400 meter run

    Round 4
    10 jungle bois
    15 blockees
    20 jungle bois
    25 blockees
    30 jungle bois

    400 meter run

    Round 5
    10 blockees
    15 Merkins
    20 blockees
    25 merkins
    30 blockees

    400 meter run

    When time was called at the usual 7:30, three of the pax finished in the 45 minute window. Big shout out to Diddle, pope and goose. The rest of the pax were struggling somewhere in round 5, inevitably working through the never ending blockees. YHC felt like anything beyond round 3 would be impressive. This group blew it out of the water. Yankee Jeaux kept us on pace and every time we saw him hold back that vomit, it was more motivation to keep going.

    At the end of it all, Cardinal showed up in the most glorious way… with coffee and donuts. Even with a thumb out of commission, he couldn’t resist the F3 fellowship. He seemed very upset about missing out on the 100 reps of thrusters. So blessed to have a post IPC hang out and refreshment time.

    We circled up, offered prayers to those in need, Cardinal prayed us out and we dug into the donuts and coffee.

    Back to the tough times in life YHC eluded to earlier… Before starting on this F3 journey merely 50 days ago, YHC would have never thought of doing 100 merkins. That would have seemed ridiculous, let alone 100 thrusters with a cinder block. Now it seems nothing but normal for a Saturday morning. I owe this change and higher mental strength to the F3 Thibodaux PAX. When these workouts seem unfathomable, we look to the guy to the left and right that are going through the same pain. It’s the only motivation that’s needed. So, when life gets tough and seems impossible, surround yourselves with good people. Look to your right and left, they will get you through whatever hell is happening. Tough times will never last and life will be sweet again.

  • The BDE Mile: Fruit of the Sea – from Yankee Joe

    Saturday, September 16th, 2023 marked the third week of IPC – The BDE Mile.

    Today, for no particular reason, we decided to go for a little run.

    So, after warmarama, we ran to the end of The Peltch, and when we got there, we thought maybe we’d run to the gate of the EDW football field.

    And when we got there, we thought maybe we’d just run around the track.

    Now, thinking since we’d run this far, we would add in five BDE burpees after each lap. And since we’d done that, maybe we’d just run another lap. And since we’d done this already, we thought, “Why not add in five BDE Merkins?”

    Now, looking at the routine we’d created, maybe we would just repeat that routine for 45 minutes…nonstop.

    And that’s what we did. We ran clear around the track for 45 minutes, alternating between BDE burpees and BDE merkins.

    No particular reason. We just kept on going.

    We ran clear around the track. And when we got there, we figured since we’d gone this far, we might as well turn the corner and just keep on going.

    And when we finished another lap and completed our BDE exercise, we figured since we’d gone this far, we might as well just keep right on going.

    When we got tired, YHC complained…a lot.

    When we got slow, we were lapped by Paradiddle, Goose, Pope, and Enron. Several times.

    When we started crumbling, Popeye found four extra running gears, smiling the whole way.

    When we needed a boost, Jack B Nimble offered high fives and Tractor danced us into Elysium.

    When we needed to know how much time was left, Duke asked on our behalf.

    When we were struggling to put one foot in front of the other, Safety Valve talked us through the pain with his calming, cool side of the pillow, voice.

    When we got into our own heads, Lil’ Cuz recounted scenes from Malcolm in the Middle.

    When he had to drop a deuce, Smooth…you know…dropped one.

    We just felt like runnin’.

    For some reason, what we were doing seemed to make sense to us.

    Papa Goose always said, “Put your ass behind you before you can move on.” And I think that’s what our running was all about.

    We had run for forty-five minutes and zero seconds.

    Then we said, “We’re pretty tired. We think we’ll go home now.”

    And just like that, our runnin’ days was over…well until Honeysuckle’s VQ.

    COT and Lil’ Cuz in The Middle prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, today was a whole different brand of suck. It never gets old how when this group gathers together, we achieve something that would be dang near impossible on our own. I can’t count how many times I wanted to quit this morning in a fit of childish tantrums. In those stupid moments, Smooth Operator would, with ear to ear smirk, tell you to stop making excuses. Then he would gleefully point out that wearing his Hawaiian shorts was perfect since he was living the dream in paradise every day. The ROI on this free men’s workout is off the charts.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ————————————
    IPC Week #3 – The BDE Mile

    Format
    – 45min AMRAP
    – 400-meter track with 100-meter increments clearly visible

    The Thang
    – The workout begins when the timer starts
    – 400-meter lap
    – 5 BDE burpees
    – 400-meter lap
    – 5 BDE merkins (AKA – hand-release prisoner merkins)
    Hand release merkin to Peter Parker to the right elbow to hand release merkin to Peter Parker to the left elbow to hand release merkin

    Repeat until time is called.

    Scoring
    – Total number of meters rounded down to the closest 100 when time is called
    – For example, if time is called and you are between 880 and 890 meters, your score is 800 meters

    Top Scores:

    – Paradiddle – 17 laps (6,800 meters)
    – Goose and Pope – 16 laps (6,400 meters)
    – Enron – 15 laps (6,000 meters)

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • “Sweet Summer Rain…” – from Goose

    As the thunder rolled and the lightning struck starting at about 3am, YHC wondered how many more fartsackers would avoid this morning’s romp than the usual Goose-Q checkouts. But, as it strangely does on F3 mornings, the weather let up at around 5:00am, and this morning it eased to a gentle drizzle and some beautiful lightning in the distant sky. YHC couldn’t have ordered it up better, especially after the streak of stifling sizzlers we’ve been enduring for the past month or so.
    After a warmup of the usuals plus some lower back work, we moseyed to the coupon stack to grab a few. YHC stopped by the truck to grab the beautiful, readable marker board that YHC’s M prepared for this morning’s IPC prep, and we set up the easel facing the parking lot, on purpose, so everyone could read it since exercises would be done on the concrete and the grass.
    YHC is a little wary of all the HR merkins, goblet squats, and kettle bell swings that we’re destined to burn out on this coming Saturday morning, so I figured we’d utilize the opportunity to strengthen the same joints we’ll be straining since we’re five days out, enough time to grow some muscle around them.

    The board said:
    15 of each, 10 burpees, then Stop Sign run
    -HR Merkins
    -BB situps
    -Goblet Squats
    -Dips
    -OH Presses
    -Flutter kicks (4-count)
    -Kettle Bell Swings
    -10 Burpees

    And, the grind began. Lil’ Cuz brought an FNG from the far north (round Homer somewhere–newly named Barney Fife), but in my own wet fog, I didn’t see how he managed. Seemed ok at the end, though. The men were unusual quiet as they slogged through it, though YHC was grateful for Paradox’s verbosity, which served as a distraction during the runs. (It was good to have a reason to push, too–can’t have anybody too far ahead of me, and Dox was feeling froggy this morning.). Dumbledore continues to impress as he kept moving despite foggy glasses, and Cardinal stayed right behind us the entire time looking fit in that Carolina blue.

    YHC was grateful for these dudes and their willingness to grind through this wet morning. It’s an experience that’s hard to match, and it changes everything when you’re sharing it with quality men.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Chlorophyll? More Like Borophyll. – from Paradiddle

    Coming off of a week long hiatus, YHC was excited to be back for a beat down. Not knowing where to turn, but knowing that the SV 500 lay around the corner, YHC consulted with none other than Goose to try and collect some intel on the possible beatdown. YHC was determined to try to prepare the PAX for lay ahead. After turning to the exicon for some inspiration, none other than a childhood favorite of Billy Madison would be the source of inspiration for the punishment that lay ahead.

    YHC was coming in hot this morning from Houma, and he arrived with only a few minutes to spare. The PAX were already assembled upon his arrival. Mumble chatter was low, and as YHC approached, silence fell over the men. DJ DOX would be needed for his duties this morning. Yankee Joe was quick to offer BAPS as the source of sound, even though YHC offered Burrito Supreme who was nestled in the truck. Let a man do his thing. BAPS to the rescue, and rescue us he would. But wait…who is that?! Out of the gloom came G.I. Joe – a legend of sorts in these swamps.

    We began the warmup with the usual SSH, grass grabbers w a clap, windmills, circles, cherry pickers, high knees, and mountain climbers.

    The pax would then mosey with a coupon to the breezeway at E.D. White, where the thang would be explained.

    The Thang
    Taking the advice of Goose (one hour, no breaks), YHC explained the Billy Madison.

    We would work our way through each of the numbered school grades, only to then have to repeat them as Billy does (to prove to his dad he’s not a fool). Each grade would have 12 reps of one exercise, followed by a run to St. Joseph Elementary and back to the breezeway at ED White. Once back to the breezeway, you would repeat all the previous grades, making your way all the way to 12th grade. (1st grade, 1st + 2nd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd + 4th grade, etc.)

    So the grades would go:
    1st – Burpees
    2nd – Bonnie Blairs
    3rd – Declined Merkins
    4th – Grainers
    5th – Kettle bell swings
    6th – Thrusters (do it for Tap)
    7th – goblet squats
    8th – Peter Parkers
    9th – OH Press
    10th – Russian Twists w/ coupon
    11th – Hernia (V-Ups w/ coupon)
    12th – Dips

    The Pax soon discovered that the run to St. Joseph would be their reprieve, a chance to catch your breathe, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me). With a strong start, everyone stayed together through third grade. Coyote set the pace for the 2.0’s, with Pope offering insight into his actual schedule for his upcoming school year. Lil Cuz, YJ, and America’s Best led helped to set the pace for the majority of the pax with a strong and consistent showing. YHC was terrified of the first impression he was leaving on Safety Valve. Smooth, as always, kept the run fun with the boys. YHC is sure that the convo shared between Dox and Gecko is one in reference to “that man”. Goose helped YHC set the pace, but in reality YHC was fighting to keep up through those coupon swings. A high school inspired playlist from some of the pax helped us along, and we needed all the help we could get. Imagine not having MMMBOP to get us through the sixth round of burpees?

    The Pax would make it halfway through 7th grade before time would force us to call it quits. A slow, silent mosey back to the flag and YHC desperately just wanted a cooldown walk. But the PAX pushed back and asked for three minutes of Mary. Freddie Merc’s, flutters, and ABC… (just three letters). The counting of this morning is all the evidence one would need to prove that the PAX desperately needed to repeat their grade. Now the only thing to do is make through the remaining grades at an undetermined date in the future.

    An impressive showing of 16 men this morning who came out, showed up, and put up with the shenanigans of a Saturdiddle. Til next time… or til next Saturday when we kinda have to do something similar again…but at least there will be breakfast.

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle