F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lil’ Cuz

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • A Taste of Tuesday – from Enron

    The Stage was set with an unexpectedly larger amount of rain than forecasted coming down in the darkness, making it feel necessary to give the PAX that can’t make it to Tuesday’s beatdowns a little taste of what it’s like. Additionally, after missing this week Tuesday Tough beatdown, YHC was ready to step up the action for Thorsday. “Yankee Joe, stop trying to make Thorsday happen, it’s not going to happen”. Anticipation increased upon hearing the night prior that Cardinal would be making his triumphant return to action from injury. And after receiving medical clearance from Paradox’s wife, a new pair of Nike Pegasus’, and listening to him give a 10-minute speech on why we should all be in attendance for the beatdown today, along with some EHing on the Groupme, and side texts. Cardinal … fartsacked. Resulting in disappointment that resonated all the way to Chackbay. Thus, later nominating him for fartsack of the year at the inaugural Thibby awards. In other fartsack discussion, after YHC requested for Paradox to bring JBL, he was nowhere to be found. Resulting in a potential allegiance shift to another speaker along with some last-minute changes to today’s routine. Although it felt like we were missing quite a few familiar faces including the mentioned absences above, the beatdown began with 7 PAX.

    PAX: Goose, Superfun(d), Lil’ Cuz, Paradox, Piccadilly, Fence Post, and much later, Kilo

    Warmup: The usual minus a bumper mosey

    Thang 1:

    The Burpee Mile:

    1 mile run through rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile. Each stop was the following:

    1) 20 burpees
    2) 15 burpees
    3) 10 burpees
    4) 5 burpees

    The burpee mile was tough enough to make YHC appreciate the rain that was coming down steadily at this point.

    Thang 2:

    DORA 1-2-3

    Partner up and grab 1 coupon per pair:

    100: Partner 1: Overhead presses
    Partner 2 : carioca to the sidewalk and back and flapjack with your partner taking over on the count to 100
    After the first set, Goose (aka the Paxville Grinch), was feeling so strong that he grunted and slammed the coupon to the ground shattering it to pieces, intimidating the remaining PAX before quickly carioca’ing into the dark and rain.
    Next, out of the dark rainy gloom from a vehicle never seen before by any of the PAX, and most likely repossessed from a previous job, Kilo arrived and jumped right into the work.

    200: Partner 1: Coupon Curls
    Partner 2: Nur to the sidewalk and back, flapjack until 200 is reached

    300: Partner 1: SSH
    Partner 2: 1st round – lunge walk down mosey back, round 2 bear crawl down mosey back, rinse and repeat

    Thang 3: This is where a great song was planned on being played but will have to be forced into another beatdown in the future due to the lack of a consistent audio source.

    Thinking quickly, the dice from YHC’s custom F3 Christmas present from his M were presented. Until time was called (about 8 minutes). The PAX alternated rolling the dice while Siri called out random numbers 1-30 for the amounts of the exercise printed on the dice.

    COT and Lil Cuz prayed us out. Thankful for all the guys that came out and toughed it out in the rain this morning.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Dream Team – from Goose

    YHC knew it would likely be just me and Lil Cuz at The Stage this morning, and I was looking forward to the opportunity for some QT. Team Fitbit/Team Balding Beard would be getting the upper hand on the rest of the PAX via some Tuesday Toughness!

    Warmups of the usual including some fire hydrants to get the knees and hips firing after yesterday’s monkey humpers.

    We started with a shoulder-tap merkin mile: 15 shoulder-tap merkins every quarter mile for a total of 60. These proved to be plenty challenging, though YHC hasn’t decided if after three straight weeks of it, a variation of the merkin mile will work its way into any future TT (Tuesday Tough) beatdowns.

    In honor of John the Evangelists feast day, we hit some themed four corners around the field. For our theme, we would use the four creatures described in the book of Revelation (written by John), which are assigned to the four Gospel writers.
    1st corner: St. Matthew, represented by an angel/man–7 manmakers
    2nd corner: St. Mark, represented by a lion–7 manmakers and 14 heels to heaven (“lyin’”down”–I couldn’t think of any lion exercises)
    3rd corner: St. Luke, represented by an ox/cow–7 manmakers, 14 heels to heaven, and 21 jump squats (because the cow jumped over the moon…I know).
    4th corner: St. John, represented by an eagle–7 manmakers, 14 heels to heaven, 21 jump squats, and 28 overhead claps (flapping like a big eagle).

    Lil’ Cuz was being patient enough with the stretched theme, so YHC kept it up. John was exiled to the island of Patmos, where he suffered a good bit. We climbed up onto the stage for our island of exile and suffered a good bit via the following (all 4-count, IC, so double the number): 12 irkins, 12 dips, 20 alternating step-ups, 12 dips, and 12 derkins (the count slowed considerably toward the end).

    We climbed back down with eight minutes left for Mary: rotation between upper abs, lower abs, obliques, and lower back.

    Per usual, YHC is a huge fan of Lil’ Cuz’s humble tenacity and perseverance, and his progress is obvious. Thanks for coming out this morning, bro!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • St. Stephen’s Day Murders – from Goose

    It was another frigid morning, this time at The Stage, so Enron wore socks and only Paradox’s eyes were showing through a jungle of F3 logos. YHC was also donning new, post-Christmas Mudgear gear as five total PAX gathered in the icy gloom. YHC arrived two minutes late due to the consequences of poor eating choices the day before combined with ice on the windshield, but the PAX were gracious and coupons were unloaded.

    Warmup–the usuals with some added Peter Parkers to get the outer knees firing and some requested grass grabbers, clap included. There were some typical efforts at insurrection, some Q-testing, but threats of penalty burpees seemed to calm the kiddos down well enough. Bumper mosey rounded us out and we gathered to meet the new kid on the block:

    Oontz is YHC’s new bluetooth speaker, and his efforts at filling the rectangular hole with a triangular prism were tested with an obscure Irish song, a deep cut from the Chieftains Christmas album, The Bells of Dublin. The song, “St. Stephen’s Day Murders”, sung by Elvis Costello, is about the tradition in Ireland of celebrating Christmas with family through the day after Christmas, St. Stephen’s Day, which has its own family rituals, songs, etc. It’s a comedic (hopefully) song about getting tired of having family over, eating and drinking constantly for days, and then deciding to poison them all (in typical dark, Irish fashion). The refrain ends “And it’s nice for the kids, cuz you finally get rid of them, in the St. Stephen’s Day murders.”
    Oontz performed well enough for his size, so YHC will keep him around until the kids inevitably destroy him. For this song the PAX started with side straddle hops and slowly got lower as the song went on–for every “St. Stephen”, we dropped a stage due to poisoning or drunkenness or whatever. After the first–Smurf jacks, the second–plank jacks, the third–chilly jacks (elbow plank jacks). The exercises certainly delivered, and the rest that followed during the explanation of St. Stephen’s martyrdom was welcomed.

    Thang 2:
    A reenactment (of sorts) of St. Stephen’s martyrdom. PAX partnered up for the following:

    1. Partner 1: throwing stones = squat and throw the block down field repeatedly to the sidewalk and rifle cary back. Partner 2: stones to the head = split duty on 100 skull crushers.
    2. Partner 1: lay down cloaks at the feet of Saul (future Paul) = block and bear through the icy grass to the sidewalk and rifle carry back. Partner 2: stones to the body = split duty on 200 chest presses
    3. Partner 1: carry body for funeral, pall bearer style = farmer carry both blocks there and back. Partner 2: praise the Lord and ask for forgiveness for your murderers = split duty on 300 air presses.

    The block and bears were helped by the icy grass with the block sliding easily, but the blocks and the grass were extremely cold, so the hands were struggling. Lil Cuz shoved his hands up Yankee Joe’s rising shirt mid bear crawl to warm them up, so YJ requested penalty burpees, but YHC refused, telling him they needed to work it out between themselves. Typical sibling conflict.

    Thang 3:
    St. Stephen is the ultimate example of the fulfillment of Jesus’ teaching about not preparing your defense ahead of time since the Holy Spirit will give you the words to say. So, instead of preparing exercises for the last 10-15 minutes, we let the Holy Spirit lead us through Enron’s newly minted Dice of Doom. His M, Brooke, knowing his appreciation for F3 and for randomly generated beatdowns, had them custom made! She researched and picked out the exercises and everything. (I think that definitely deserves Thibby consideration.) Although both die have exercises on them, YHC could think of a few different ways to randomly generate rep numbers (one of which could just be to add a regular die to the group and multiply the number x5 or 10), but for this morning, we took the fourth letter of the second exercise and used the alphabetic order number of that letter (A is 1, B is 2, etc.). This led to more than enough burpees and enough monkey humpers to make YHC sore till probably Thursday.

    COT and YJ prayed us out. It was an awesome gift to be out there sweating in the cold with you fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky – from Paradox

    9 Thursday Thoroughbreds at the Stage to honor Christmas traditions new and old.
    We began with a welcome to 3 of our F3 Katy brothers (ChootEm, Technical, 4/10) and a nice prethang run to orient our DR pax to the AO. I’m confident both 4/10 and Technical would still be running a 8 minute pace if they weren’t stopped for the beatdown. The old guys held a leisurely pace and listened to some inspiring stories about the impact of F3 on the Katy region . Great to hear for our blossoming Thibodaux crew.

    Warm Ups
    Usuals with my new improved cadence.
    The chatter was somewhat suppressed and I was proud of our PAX in pretending for a few minutes to be the consummate professional weekday warriors. No talk about schisms or doo doo pills. No one asked about Moroccan self love and like clockwork Camaro guy serenaded us with a few extra revs of the Hemi. Beautiful PAX harmony.
    We really looked like we had it together!

    Bumper mosey and back to flag.
    .
    With a heavy heart YHC addressed the recent loss of the F3 hero Anker to start the day. I’ll pause here because I hear you mumbling in the back right now Yankee Jeaux . “An Anker memorial presented by JBL??”. “The dirt is barely fresh on his grave “ adds EnRon. But here’s the truth. Like any two red blooded alpha male Bluetooth devices sure JBL and Anker had their differences (primarily sound quality lol jk). But at the end of the day they wanted the same thing: bring the PAX Thunder and squeeze every ounce of effort from their weak human bodies.

    So today we begin anew, with a small black rectangular sized hole in our hearts. We burn the schism that was JBL/Anker and in its ashes a new tradition is born ….

    The official Anker Warmup Song

    My challenge to the pax is to honor Ankers legacy after each warmup with a song to make Anker smile in Bluetooth heaven. Today we began with his all time favorite :
    “ Thunderstruck , AC/DC”
    Tin Soldiers on song and Burpees on all the Thunder.

    We miss you buddy

    On to the THANG

    Christmas tradition @ House Paradox involves an annual trip to view the greatest of ballets (the only one YHC has ever seen)
    The Nutcracker.

    Every year YHC is stunned at the stamina and strength of the ballerinas to perform these world class routines.

    During our recent viewing, visions of sugar plums danced in my head of ways to modify this into an all leg consuming beatdown.

    Today I present to you

    THE BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Act 1

    Decorate the Tree and dance around it

    Step ups while other Pax Bearcrawl to picnic table
    10 incline merkins bearcrawl back
    Then 10 merkins
    Then 10 derkins
    FlapJack with Partners each round

    The Presentation of gifts
    Each pax roll Purple die
    Rest of PAX do the exercise while pax who rolled runs to the stage for 10 box jumps
    I swear that die has a gift for feeling the body party that is the theme of the day so we did a zillion Squats.

    Presentation of the Nutcracker
    100 thrusters
    Partner 2 run a track lap

    SideNote:
    Lil Cuz is a Thruster Machine , watch out WetTap ! He’s coming for the crown !

    Mouse King vs the Nutcracker
    Two teams
    Grab coupon , Indian Run
    chest carry , last coupon lunges to the front , when he gets to the front he yells “Sugar Plum Fairy “
    This signals two things , 5 goblet sqats from all and last man lunges to front . Go to concrete and Back .

    Def have to tweak this one as YHC miscalculated lunge speed vs sqats speed. Tana questioned the Q game plan and somewhere in an empty clinic a drug rep handout sits idle waiting for signatures. You hate to see that.

    Audible to 10 ballerina sqats and Rifle carry back for Mary .

    Team Mary
    It only took 42 minutes of peace in the wake of Ankers passing for a new new schism to rear its ugly head.
    The clockwise vs counter clockwise debate has risen with Enrons systolic spiking to 200s just thinking about it.

    YHC restored order with classic Dolphin Hops (man I just love those)
    YJ with flutters
    Goose with some ridiculous pickle pounders that always seem to end YHCs beatdowns

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks to ChootEms crew for rolling in early and pushing us through a run. Great to meet y’all.

    Grateful for the work and opportunity to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Tuesday Tough, and the Untimely Death of an F3 Hero – from Goose

    YHC expected only one or two tough guys to show this morning given the weather report and so was excited to see three hardy gentlemen awaiting him at The Stage nervous for what has now been deemed #Tuesday Tough since YHC seems to be the only one Q-ing. (I really think other Q’s are just as hard, but perception is everything. I mean, Enron wears a Mudgear Speedo to every beatdown regardless of how low the temperature is.) I do like a good challenge, though, and no beatdown should be wasted, so the tough get going.

    Warmup: plenty of the usuals plus Hairy Rockettes, high knees and butt kicks to shake of the cold and the tight joints from yesterday. Lots of cadence discussion, and YHC is getting better at using “Starting” rather than “Ready”, but not perfect yet.

    1st Thang:
    With a nod to last week’s Merkin Mile, YHC would use the long run as both a way to both prolong the warmup and keep up the “tough Q” image. This time, instead of 25 merkins every quarter mile, we did 25 jump squats for a total of 100. Not as bad as the merkins, but still tough, and provided some time to chat about modern literature.

    2nd Thang:
    Song: Trans Siberian Orchestra’s “Christmas Eve”, a rock combo of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and “Carol of the Bells”. Each movement was matched with a core exercise, which amounted to lots of flutter kicks, 6-inch holds, Freddies, and lots and lots of Dying Cockroaches. Speaking of dying, it was at this point that Anker died. For the first time, ever. YHC was mildly annoyed but assumed there was a good reason–Anker has been so faithful, ever stalwart even in the midst of criticism, adversity, and overuse. We switched to the phone speaker instead, but YHC would have to look into any underlying issues once we got home.
    This was followed by a Yrevocer Pal (recovery lap running backward), which was a fun way to work dem quads while being distracted by the fear of breaking a bone or two.

    Thang 3:
    We hopped up onto the stage and grabbed some brick for 10 Step-up Merkins–starting in plank position, step up with both hands, irkin, step back down, merkin = 1.
    This was followed by 12 Freak Nasties (dips, 4-count IC), which were a tough follow-up to the step-ups.
    After this, YHC couldn’t skip the opportunity to do push us and keep to the theme with 10 Pu-pets Nikrems (backward Step-Up Merkins). Starting in plank position facing away from the bricks, step each foot up on the bricks, perform a derkin, step back down, merkin = 1. These were something. I was just glad there were no broken toes or noses. Though, we may see these again.
    Another 12 IC Freak Nasties rounded us out and left our arms unable to bend at the elbow anymore without great effort.

    Thang 4:
    The phone speaker did its best to push out another tune, this one a traditional Irish song about the St. Stephen’s Day (Dec. 26) tradition of killing a wren and going from house to house singing to collect money and trinkets (and drinks) for the wren’s funeral. “The Wren in the Furze” by The Chieftains (look it up, it’s a fun song). PAX did Imperial Squat Walkers for the duration, the triceps being the surprising factor (elbows bent, hands behind the head after the previous exercises).

    Finished with 8MOM (8 minutes of Mary) focused on obliques, just cuz, and COT. Yankee prayed us out, grateful for no rain and solid brotherhood. ISI followed–definitely seeing some real progress!

    An update on Anker:
    Upon arriving home, YHC went to plug the charging cable into the port, but noticed that it didn’t fit as smoothly, and the red light of life flickered just once and then no more. After deeper inspection, it became clear that Anker’s time in mission territory amongst the savage natives in YHC’s home had exposed him to some rough handling particularly in the area of the charging port. Because he never complained, YHC had no idea, and he just quietly, faithfully poured himself out to the very end, knowing that he’d never again be able to receive the rejuvenating gift of life from the wall outlet. His last breath was spent doing what he loved most–serving the men of the Thibodaux PAX. He was the original, and he remained humble, faithful, obedient, and capable of pushing quality sound (well enough) through all the arrogant, noisy competitors who came along with something to prove. From Thibodaux Regional to JBL, Bose’, and BAPS, Anker never lost composure and so remained the Anchor of this community. And he will never be forgotten.
    YHC thought about carefully taking him apart to try to replace the port, but to be honest, it wasn’t all that expensive, and I just didn’t feel like it.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Chatter Goose: A Lesson in Righteousness – from Yankee Joe

    The important stuff first…

    Major Brat (as always, thank you for your service) had mentioned that he had successfully recruited his brother. At 6:28, there was no sign of him. O brother, where art thou? However, the concern would be misplaced. At 6:29, the brotherly new guy rolled up with blue jeans, sweat pants, hoodie, and a look of skeptical curiosity further raised when the first people to approach him introduced themselves as Goose, Enron, and Yankee Joe. It was then acknowledged that Major had not really told his bro much about F3, which is the way it should be. The FNG would survive the day with undaunted fortitude, never bowing out, and most impressively, not yakking on the beautiful perennial rye grass. He would emerge at the end of the day, rebranded as O’SHEM.

    ———-

    Today was a bit wonky. YHC’s original plan had to be scrapped (it will showcase next Saturday, 12/24) and plan B also ran into logistical challenges. So, at 6:22, as the Pax were arriving, YHC made some significant shifts. 8 Pax repped at the Peltch, which would be perfect for the partnering and teams needed for the morning. The idea was to create a second installment of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl. That…um… did not happen.

    Instead, we would spend the first half of the morning in muscular failure and the second half running a short field Ultimate Burpball game. Or maybe it’s Ultimate Burpee Ball? Ball Burping? Ultimate Burping? Who knows…I’m sure Goose will be MORE than happy to tell you. MORE on that in a moment.

    ———-

    But first, my dear and loyal reader, I want to discuss something of grave importance, and I want to be clear. There is a sickness settling over F3 Thibodaux. It is a sickness that targets Warmarama instructions and proper cadence execution. It burrows deep into the Pax psyche. It manifests itself in gruesome ways. The sickness is real, and I’ve cited the evidence below (Chicago style because the APA are a bunch of nerds).

    For example, with arm circles, some can’t tell the difference between forward and backward (Paradox, 2022). Others don’t even know the difference between arm circles and windmills (YHC, 2022). Still others make singular words like “position” or “cadence” plural and for no good reason (Montana & Goats, 2022). Even when an exercise is successfully communicated, (2.0 eye muffs, please) the actual cadence resembles something like the moment Ace Ventura figures out that Finkle is Einhorn…and of course, Einhorn is Finkle (see Enron et al. 2022). Seven count flutter kicks, 42-count imperial walkers (YHC, 2022), side straddle hops at Mach 2 (Lil’ Cuz, Fence Post & Superfun(d), 2022). Some simply modify every single warmup exercise as they see fit (Cardinal, 2022). It doesn’t end.

    How did this happen?

    When there’s Pax sickness, only one remedy exists. Now hold on a moment. I know what you’re thinking and that remedy is not Paradox’s wife, who, by the way, is a doctor. Paradox is married to a doctor. How cool is that? An actual doctor living in his house. To date, YHC is unclear what Paradox does for a living, but hey, does it really matter? He’s set…his wife is a… DOCTOR!

    No, my friends, the only cure for this type of sickness is a Goose. A big, head tilting, eyebrow raising, low talking Goose. You KNOW the look I’m talking about. The little smirk, saying, “oh, it’s something.” He knows we have gone astray; that we’ve forgotten our roots. He understands all too well that to screw up an Exicon name here, or a cadence rhythm there is a very slippery levy. It could lead to chaos. The next thing you know, we’ll be doing drugs, listening to rock & roll, and dancing. Worst of all, we may abandon our truth to erect a golden icon of Greg Glassman.

    Enough is enough. You schism makers, you modifiers, you fartsackers. You hate the cold. You fear the gloom. Has not Goose shown us the way? Turn not from his tilted head and raised eyebrows. He speaks only truth, and he speaks it…constantly. O, ye of little pecks, look to Proverbs 12:15.

    “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

    YHC would try to execute the Warmarama in a way that would impress the Pax, follow guidelines, and please Goose.

    Well, I can confidently report that…they weren’t, it didn’t, and he wasn’t.

    ———–

    Warmarama

    YHC: “Ok, it’s 6:30. Side strad…”
    Goose: “Hold on, hold on. Disclaimer for the FNG.”
    (partial and likely misleading disclaimer delivered)

    YHC: “Side Straddle Hops, 1, 2, 3…”
    Goose: “You can’t just go.”
    YHC: “Ok, ok. Position, movements…”
    Goose: “What are you doing?”
    YHC: “Ughhhhh. I don’t even know…”
    (YHC bent over between his knees, then throws Montana under the bus…the pax seems to be in agreement)

    YHC: (finishes warm-up and goes to pick up cones five feet away)
    Goose: (calls an audible and leads the Pax in self love without YHC in the circle)
    YHC: (oh no you didn’t…switches to Plan Freakin’ C)
    YHC: “Self love can’t save you now.”

    __________

    THANG 1: Lazy Seepurb’s (variation of Lazy Dora’s via reverse deconstructed Burpees…get it?)

    Round 1

    Partner 1 – 25 merkins while Partner 2 holds mission impossible plank
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)

    Goose head tilt, eyebrow raise to Enron. Enron asked for clarity around the number, 200. It’s cool. I’m coming and Hell’s coming with me. YHC articulated the concept of “Seegah,” which is the noise one makes when attempting to do a merkin, but is only capable of completing a half merkin. Because let’s face it. A second set of 25 merkins following 45 seconds of a mission impossible plank is friggin’ seegah.

    Bear crawl to station #2

    __________

    Round 2

    YHC: “Ok, next set, 25 leg thrusters, which loo….”
    Goose: “Groiners.”
    YHC: “What?”
    Goose: “Those are groiners.”
    YHC: “The IPC Greenwood folks called them leg thrusters.”
    Goose: “They’re wrong.”
    YHC: “Ok, next set – 25 groin thrusters.” (because I’m a mature adult and I DO WHAT I WANT)
    YHC: “Partner 2 holds a low plank unt…”
    Goose: “Elbow plank, but whatever, it’s fi…”
    YHC: “ELBOW PLANK UNTIL YOUR PARTNER IS DONE.”

    Partner 1 – 25 GROINERS; P2 holds ELBOW plank
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)
    Crab walk to station #3

    __________

    Round 3

    YHC: “Next, 25 squat jumps, while P2 holds Al Gore.”
    YHC: (Waits for any honking. No honking provided. YHC moves on.)

    Partner 1 – 25 squat jumps; P2 holds al gores
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. Per partner)

    YHC calls audible that after the first set of 25 squat jumps, three more sets of 10 instead of 25. By this point, most Pax weren’t even getting off the ground.

    __________

    THANG 2: Ultimate Burpball/Burpee Football (ask Goose)

    Ultimate frisbee rules…ish. Coyote and Pope chose teams. Five burpees for a turnover. For touchdowns, the scoring team did five burpees, the opposing team did 10. The amount of burpees for turnovers had to be reduced because by the time the five burpees had been completed, the other team had already scored, which meant 10 more burpees on top of the five. We changed rules for scoring such as the amount of passes needed (i.e. four, then 10).

    The game made movement constant and burpees began to quickly add up (unless you were Coyote). It was nowhere even close to the brilliance of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl, so we’ll let the commish run that show with Enron and Wet Tap moving forward.

    That said, I would be remiss not to highlight the ridiculous skills of Coyote and Pope. Coyote was seemingly everywhere all the time. He would sneak through colliding boulders of middle age to emerge on the sideline, streaking toward the end zone, no defender in sight. No matter where you threw the ball, ‘Yote would catch it…back shoulder, overhead in stride, at his ankles, you name it. Soft hands and scary speed. Pope on the other hand was a relentless force on both sides of the ball. More than once, he hard core stuffed Father Goose in mid-throw. Other times, he traversed the width of the field to show the bright eyed would-be receiver what it felt like to have Marshon Lattimore get up in your grill. Throughout the contest, Goose was relatively quiet, undoubtedly deep in thought about how he kept dropping passes.

    __________

    Mary to the Core

    – J-Lo’s 2:1 x 15
    – Flutter kicks 4:1 x 20
    – Supermans x 20
    – Star V-ups (reverse supermans) x 10
    – J-Lo Pickle Gobblers x 20
    – Blast offs (from standing, 10-count down to deep squat, squat jump on “blast off”)

    Mosey back to flag, COT, and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Gents, I loved today. The work, the chatter, the athleticism, and the camaraderie make every Q super humbling and a heck of a lot of fun. O’SHEM, we were honored to have you today. We hope you will come join the beautiful chaos.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

    __________

    P.S. The correct cadence sequence is below. Read it, review it, memorize it, execute it.

    Proper Cadence Sequence:

    “The next exercise is…” [pause] “Side Straddle Hop!” (or name of other exercise)

    “Starting Position…” [pause] “Move!”

    “In Cadence…” [pause] “Exercise!” (begin count 1..2..3)

  • The beatdown to Bethlehem – from Enron

    After Tuesday’s (#tuesdaytuff) cardio heavy beatdown, YHC was ready for some slower, heavier movements, or just not ready for any more cardio. It seemed to be the perfect timing for a themed beatdown that had been drawn up the night prior with the help of a much more creative wife. The stage was set as YHC pulled up to a much familiar look of a minivan awaiting the arrival of more PAX. Yankee Joe was ready as usual. As 4 more PAX arrived in the gloom, we had plenty of pre-thang time to discuss the many schisms that have been dividing the Thibodaux PAX for decades, OK, well maybe just the past 6 months. This mumble chatter did not slow down as the warmups began, and YHC decided it would be a good time to test his newly acquired (thanks Goose) pre-cadence call. This did not go over well with about half of the group while the other half took it in stride, hence the building of a divide. We quickly learned, or were directed to, who was the leader of pre-mentioned schisms. The usually ultra-quiet and very reserved in his words, Paradox, has decided to form groups on each side… again. Goose, in all his wisdom, informed us that Cardinal (on IR) also enjoy the great divides of this PAX, but is a “seeker of truth” and is always looking for the “correct” side to be on. Although, JBL, #whoopteam, “starting position, in cadence, ready position move” (or however it goes), #Tuesdaytuff (ok twice is enough); will always be the right side.

    Warmup with waaaay too much chatter in between, to where YHC had no idea what number we were on:

    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, bumper mosey

    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem

    After reading an extensive amount of information on many different Christmas topics, a theme was finally coming to light. We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days (leaving December 15th to be perfect for the beatdown). A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled all of this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.

    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich mans loop, where approximately 15 light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.

    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:

    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between. The slower carry between had plenty of time to discuss just how tuff #tuesdaytuff (last time) was, especially without Paradox.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Walk through the Jordan River – 10 Bonnie Blairs (the hard way)
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 20 Mountain climbers – in cadence
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- this was a burpee but with a donkey kick during the thruster
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 25 Merkins
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 30 squats (no coupon)
    Fight off more animals – 30 coupon curls
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 15 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Perfect Merkins
    Give God the glory – 25 Heals to Heaven
    Turned away at the Inn – Run to next light pole (this light pole was out making the reference perfect)
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: Song
    “Jingle Bell Rock” – Hold Al Gore for duration and squat on Jingle
    This made the PAX looks like whack-a-mole moles with how many “jingles” there were and how uncoordinated we can look at times.

    2 minutes of Mary with Freddie Mercury’s and Penguins

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thanks for the laughs to go along with this one. I hate to admit it but the mumble chatter only added to the fun. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.