F3 New Orleans

Tag: @Jose10k

  • Lo and behold-6 full-grown knaves, wll past the age of wisdom, were seen galloping through the ancient streets of Olde Mandeville – from Waterpik

    Hear ye, hear ye! A most noble and mildly ridiculous account of this morn’s Thursday gathering of the F3 fellowship:

    Upon the dawning of the day, ‘twas declared with great fervour that the F must needs be restored unto our Thursday toil — for lo, ‘tis not merely a letter, but a spirit, a flame, a fire! Sir Jose10k, in an act of alchemical wit, didst attempt to divine the sacred algorithm by which Sir Cowbell arrives exactly two minutes tardy to each summons. Two minutes? Verily, the crowd did wonder what other feats he performeth in such swift time…

    The gallant gazelles did leap forth along their usual path, their strides light and graceful. Meanwhile, the Clydesdales, noble of heart and heavy of hoof, did follow apace, conversing of many a deep matter: the fickle nature of diet, the perils of teenagers, the enchantments of prom, and the heartbreaks of love long lost.

    And lo! Upon the return to the realm of swings and monkey bars, there stood the mighty Waterpik, who smited the brethren with feats of strength and calisthenics most cruel. None could match his vigour, though many did try, and all did suffer with great camaraderie.

    Thus concludes the tale of six buffoons, bringing both glory and distress to the cobblestones of Olde Mandeville. They ended the morn, sweaty and sore, yet richer in tales and tighter of hamstring. Long live the fellowship of F3!

    Fin.

    Now, let me explain this. I am in the middle of administering the English portion of the state test. Upon finishing the test, all of my students are talking in English accents. I had to inquire why, and apparently one of the questions involved the Renaissance Perfect, now I get to do the thing that I absolutely love to do. I get to tap into my students’ creativity and give them a shared google document. The topic: early morning run with exercises at the playground at the end. The theme: old English. And bam, this is what they come up with. I did add a little flare to it: sorry Cowbell. I hope y’all enjoyed it.

  • The “10” Commandments – from The Hammer

    Four brave souls hit the basketball court Monday morning, led by YHC. First to join Waterpik and myself was a freshly bronzed Jose—straight from Grenada and glowing like a golden churro. Then came Coachella, who clearly forgot this was a workout and not a music festival.

    The day’s theme? The number 10. Because why not suffer symmetrically?

    We kicked off with a “Merkins & Bear Crawls” relay that basically turned the court into a sweaty hamster wheel —10 merkins, bear crawl, 10 merkins, bear crawl again, repeat over and over. We were trying to add enough sweat to erase the Marsh madness tallies that haunt some of us.

    Then came the ladder to 10, aka cardio purgatory. We hit all four corners with 10 merkins and at each stop continued to add 10 reps of another exercise. I can’t remember all of them—because who can remember anything mid-suffering?

    Highlight of the day? Coachella tried to kiss the ground with his whole face. Zero style points, but 10 out of 10 for comedic value.

    We closed with Mary… that lasted a minute and a half. Jose was still on island time, and frankly, we were all too tired to argue.

    Great workout. Even better faceplant.

  • Wall to Wall Disappointment – from Steve

    Man, this was the kinda crowd where you gotta have your coffee before you show up to Q. That or a shot of Jaegermeister.

    Not only did YHC have Bush texting the night before, making sure it would be an “impactful” beatdown before he committed to posting, but I had the Wacker progeny after me as well, with Duke apparently complaining that morning that, “Oh Mr. Steve’s workouts are never that hard.”

    Et tu, Duke?

    YHC had the last laugh, though, conjuring images of Mandeville’s long-dormant Machete Man just before Duke attempted to relieve his bladder in Granny’s bamboo forest. The little man noped right outta there!

    Now I can’t say that this beatdown was impactful, but hey, we did try a few new things. Started each round with a different wall exercise at the far end of the corridor, followed by another exercise x15 at each of three points around the trailhead, before circling back for some calf raises. Rinse and repeat.

    The wall (and subsequent) exercises were:
    BTTW crawl —> 15 jump squats (x3)
    Donkey Kicks x15 —> 15 merkins (x3)
    Hip Slappers x 15 IC —> 15x big boys (x3)
    People’s Chair w/ Air Presses x 100 —> 15x SMK’s IC (x3)
    Dirty hookup x15 (2:1) —> 15x T-merkins (x3)

    Everyone was bummed that we had to save the Chicken Peckers for a later date, but hey, we did get to hear many tales along the way.

    We learned that Jose on vacation in Grenada is the same Jose that we get every week: he nearly memorialized his 10k status on TripAdvisor, threatening the airline that he’d run from the hotel to the airport if they didn’t provide a taxi to get his lost luggage. Considering Jose’s recent mastery of the backblast, I think we can all agree that the world has been deprived of a very unique TripAdvisor review.

    What else… Three of the pax (Russo, Bush, Cowbell) had successfully run the Crescent City Classic over the weekend. Cowbell reminisced about the time the amphitheater bats chased him down the block. Duke counted cadence with the salty authority of the gunnery sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. (Duke also showed us the opposite of “intensify to modify,” with his Dead Superman modification of the t-merkins reminding me of the old days and the infamous “Nacho plank.”) Bushwacker lit fire to his reputation as a tight wad and made it rain this weekend, buying trips and vehicles that would’ve given the Bush of old an aneurism. And last, but certainly not least, we learned that you don’t cut in front of bear-killer Coachella at the lunch line at Piccadilly, even if you are a child. Bad things happen and this man has no problem stepping over your dead body for another scoop of carrot soufflé.

    COT, announcements of the Zoorich Classic this Saturday, Legal’s party on May 10th, and Coachella’s birthday party coming up in June. Stay tuned for details on the latter, which promises to be a Breakfast Club-type collision of stereotypes. And finally, Russo prayed us out.

    T-claps to Coach, who is making a concerted effort to post to multiple weekday beatdowns from here on out. (Be on the lookout for him at Thursday’s Scramble, minus the plate armor.)

    And thank you gentlemen for posting this morning and pushing me to get a little better. Appreciate you.

    Except for Bushwacker, who summarized my effort to make this an impactful beatdown as…

    “Eh.”

  • Seventy-five and Still Alive – from Mobydick

    Under a full moon in wx to die for the combined pax of A1c and The Splash Pad came to get her to help YHC celebrate surviving and thriving with an All out workout for my 75th birthday. It was a pleasure be able to Q a wo that got some sweat out of some of the most season of us. A full body warmup with 75 reps of SSH Grass grabbers windmills high knees torso twist hi jill hi jack etc preceded the Thang. A mossey to the top of the garage ramp and a first of five sets of 15 dips With a run to the bottom of the ramp for the second set of 15 and back to the top for the third set you get the pix. For a total of 75 reps . Rinse and repeat with leg lifts, crunches, wife pleasers something else something else. Mix up the 25 or so runs up and down the ramps with backpeddles karaoke lunges etc and a good solid All Out workout that 8 years ago would have killed yours truly. But with the support and encouragement of my F3 buddies Thai old man that would have been headed for the home is now able handle all with grace. Thanks to you all.

  • 4-Mile Mayhem – from Shooter

    This is nowhere near as epic as the previous one, but we did our best with less time. I hope you all enjoy:

    The sun had barely risen when Shooter, smelling faintly of gunpowder and deer pee, rallied the troops for a 4-mile run through the suburban wilderness. Clad in camo shorts and suspicious confidence, he declared, “If we see a squirrel, it’s dinner.”

    Waterpik, always fresh from a fluoride rinse and reeking of peppermint, warned everyone to floss or die. He spent most of the run critiquing everyone’s gum health between wheezes.

    Bushwacker tried to take a shortcut through some hedges, screaming “I’m one with the landscape!” before tripping over a sprinkler head and performing a full scissor-kick dismount into someone’s rosebush. Nature: 1, Bushwacker: bloodied. It’s not the first time we has scissoring during a beatdown in Mandeville

    Hammer, the group’s legal eagle, spent the entire run drafting a class-action lawsuit against cardio. He cited mental anguish, chafing, and unsolicited motivational phrases as grounds for litigation. He began quoting 80s legal dramas, which most of us could not recall. We simply pleaded the 5th.

    Ballz Deep, who insists tennis counts as both cardio and therapy, ran in short shorts and a headband, aggressively grunting with every step like he was serving at Wimbledon. People stared. Children cried. He never broke pace.

    Then came Jose10k, part educator, part miracle worker, and fully out of place among this testosterone-fueled chaos. He delivered inspirational quotes mid-stride and tried to turn the run into a teachable moment. Unfortunately, nobody passed his pop quiz on “Proper Pacing and You.” So he decided to Ruck. He was going to quote Dangerous Minds while listening to Coolio, just to change up his play list to appease Cowbell.

    They finished the 4 miles sweaty, slightly broken, and somehow closer than ever. No records were broken, but egos certainly were. One thing’s for sure: adult fitness looks less like a Nike ad and more like a comedy sketch filmed in slow motion.

    Same time next week? God help us.

  • Workout Review: Grandmas House, The Marsh of Madness Rated R for Ridiculousness, Regret, and Rampant Burpee Abuse. An movie inspired back blast for a resident film editor: Steve – from Steve

    This morning’s workout was led by none other than Steve, a man with the calm demeanor of a yoga instructor and the workout intensity of a caffeinated Navy SEAL. Spirits were high, the weather was decent, and then—it happened. Frank opened his mouth.
    STARRING

    Steve as The Relentless Commander
    Fitness guru? Torture artist? Hard to say. Wears a watch that doesn’t tell time—it tells reps.

    Frank as The Unfiltered Oracle. He was the reason we couldn’t keep cadence
    Speaks only in political hot takes May or may not be sponsored by FoxNews.

    Shooter as The Deer Whisperer
    Disappears in the woods, can camp out with just a tarp and a stick. If the emp hits us, the only one of us who could survive because he know how to purify his own urine.

    Russo as The Conspiracy Theorist
    Chem trails, JFK assassination, Bigfoot, he knows all of the worlds secrets. Keeps a personal vendetta against half-reps.

    Jose10k as The Distance Demon
    Runs 10K before the workout just to feel warm. Laughs at burpees because he rely does them. Rumored to have an actual sponsorship from Advil.

    What followed was less a fitness session and more a live taping of a political stand-up special. The laughter was so violent, we couldn’t keep cadence or count. Hell, at one point I think someone tried to do a jumping jack and just fell over laughing. It was chaos. Steve tried to restore order like a desperate substitute teacher, but the image of Frank talking politics and Trump had the floor—and the filibuster.

    Eventually, we moseyed to the marsh, where Steve unveiled his twisted plan. Every stop sign became a mini-Hell: 5 Kraken burpees , 10 Sister Mary Catherines 10 and gas pumps
    Now Steve claimed it was “only 5 Kraken burpees,” but time warped. I aged. I saw my ancestors. I met a raccoon who offered me a cigarette and said, “You don’t wanna go back in there.”

    Sadly (or perhaps wisely), I had to leave early. But here’s how I imagine it played out after my escape:

    Final Act: “Marshageddon”

    Steve, shirtless and shimmering with sweat like a demigod forged in pre-workout, leads the group deeper into the foggy marsh. Frank, in spirit form, still monologuing about the federal reserve, is doing bear crawls backward while reciting Reagan speeches.

    Suddenly, Steve bellows, “MERMAN DRILLS!” Everyone dives into a stagnant puddle. Two men don’t resurface. Gas pumps evolve into explosive gas pump combos. Sister Mary descends from the heavens with a kettlebell and blesses the pain.

    The final challenge? Shooter pulling his Fit out of the marsh using only resistance bands and pure arm strength.

    They return to the parking lot mud-soaked, spiritually broken, and somehow stronger. No one speaks. They simply nod, silently agreeing to never speak of this morning again.

    10/10.
    Would recommend to people I hate.
    Bring a towel, a therapist, and maybe a priest.

    After COT, there is a post credit scene.
    [POST-CREDITS SCENE: “Marsh of Madness” – The Swamp Strikes Again]

    Fade in: eerie silence. Fog hangs low over the marsh. A single stop sign stands crooked, half-submerged in murky water.

    [Camera pans slowly…]

    A lone figure appears in the distance… it’s Frank, shirtless, wearing compression shorts and Crocs. He’s holding a whiteboard and a megaphone.

    Frank (yelling into the void):
    “Let’s talk about the real reason burpees were invented—government control!”

    The marsh ripples. Something stirs beneath the surface.

    [Suddenly, bubbles rise… a Kraken tentacle shoots up, slapping the whiteboard out of his hands.]

    Frank (unfazed):
    “Oh, you’ve been listening to the mainstream media workout plans, haven’t you?”

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Jose10K’s Sweat-Fest Recap: Moby is a lean, mean, fighting machine – from Jose10k

    So there we were—5 a.m., still basically night, but nature decided to bless us with 78 degrees of muggy disrespect, lightly garnished with a breeze that said, “This is the best you’re getting, deal with it.”

    Darkwing and Fletch rolled in, and with them, a historic moment: the legendary Run Cajun Run shirt was finally returned to its rightful owner—cue the slow clap. And of course, Old Faithful Moby showed up, reliable as that one knee that pops every time you stand up.

    We kicked it off with 5 minutes of warm-ups—code for “let’s convince our joints not to mutiny.” After a good stretch that felt like we were all auditioning for a Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies” yoga DVD, we made our way to the courthouse for a classic round of 11s.

    Here’s the deal:
    • Merkins at the bottom
    • Run up the courthouse steps like Rocky Balboa
    • Hit the Copperhead Squats at the top—slow, painful
    • Then a leisurely jog all the way back down and around the courthouse, which somehow gets bigger every round.

    Repeat. For 45 glorious minutes. A symphony of sweat, pain, and the occasional existential crisis.

    The mumble chatter was strong—somewhere between therapy session and roast battle. Next Friday, Moby turns 75, which means his cue is legally required to contain both wisdom and at least one threat of injury. Tomorrow is Marsh Madness, where a new champion will be crowned. And don’t forget May 10th—Barely Legal is throwing down with the second annual F2 Extravaganza.
    Jose10K out. May your soreness be short and your coffee strong.

  • Hello to the muggies!! – from Shooter

    Almost forgot what it felt like to be sweating by the first stop sign. This gloom provided a reminder of what is soon to come. The Muggies are back and so is Cowbell..
    5 PAX posted for the Scramble
    10k Rucked, Steve and Cowbell paced and Waterpik and YHC moseyed.
    We made it back and wrapped up with some core.

    Appreciate the post and until the next Gloom
    👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!