F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • Destination Paradise? That’ll be 2 tickets, sir. – from Popeye

    Opener:
    Fun fact: the average weight of a “standard” brick is 4.40lbs.
    Funner fact: the average weight of a brick from YHC’s house is 5.25lbs.
    Talk about standards…

    Intro:
    YHC was frozen upon the late realization that his original vision for a Tuesday Tuff beatdown wouldn’t work; mother goose doled out such a ration of pain on the 5 poor PAX on Monday that the thought of more merks and coupon work almost made me wince.
    Instead, YHC smirked and realized I had a special secret to share with the tribe: tickets.

    No, Jeaux! Not the kind of tickets that you firemen take from the proletariat whilst slinging trashburgers and soggy fries at the fair, the kind of tickets that bring men to greatness. I’m talking about the kind of tickets (2) that might just get you to paradise…. For 45 minutes anyway.

    YHC shared with the PAX that for the past six years while assigned to New Orleans, I would frequently run along the river to the ruins of the Market Street power plant and work out on my own there with bricks. I called it the brickyard (super original, I know) and nobody would go with me. Working out there on my own was my zen, a (probably not) safe space where I could thrash myself under the curious gaze of the zombies and day walkers who lurked about the ruins. Special place, the only thing I think I’ll miss about working in the city.

    WU1 – The usual:
    SSH, Imp Walkers, Willie Mays, Slow Hi-knees, Arm Circle mix

    WU2 – The unusual:
    SSH w/tickets, Imp Walkers w/tickets, Willie Mays w/tickets, Slow Hi-knees w/tickets. Rare show of mercy on the arm circle mix.

    Musical complement:
    The PAX performed mountain climbers atop their tickets, and executed flawless shoulder-tap ticket merkins on each “waiting so long” and mention of “tickets” while enjoying “Two Tickets To Paradise” by the legendary Eddie Money. 22 points brah!
    This was hard, just ask Cardinal.

    ~ Ticket Mosey to Rich Man’s Loop ~

    Main event:
    The good news: We’d walk one lap – with tickets.
    The not so good news: after each quarter of the loop with tickets, we’d mosey ticket-free around the rest of the loop and progressively work around.
    1st Leg: Rocky tickets (punches).
    Lap
    2nd Leg: Curls till tired, then overhead press.
    Lap
    3rd Leg: Tricep extensions.
    Lap
    4th Leg: Side extensions and front extensions.
    Lap

    The PAX (really just AB) was grumbling about being at 2.5 miles in and something about points, so we returned to the flag to ditch tickets and then carried on to close out 3 miles.
    It’s the frickin’ Cleveland Wine Mixer May Chalenge after all, no points should be left in the table.

    Time elapsed, 1:45 over.

    COT, Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the solid showing and enjoying two tickets in the gloom. Always enjoy pushing myself and sharing the growth that only comes through deliberate discomfort with you men.

    Now I’m off to email YETI to see if they can make a bigger bucket to carry tickets.

    SYITG

  • Staking, Less, Killer – from Honeysuckle

    A universally accepted truth is that F3 Thibodaux is the most creative F3 group among those consisting of more than one type of doctor. Which pretty much puts it in the running for most creative F3 worldwide.

    But before we go any further, warmarama:

    SSH, windmills, willie Mayes Hayes, imperial walkers, arm circles forward and reverse, cherry pickers, Carolina high knees, regular butt kicks

    The Thang:

    YHC recently got interested in how does one quantify creativity. One way is via the Remote Associates Test (RAT). This test reveals three words, and the test taker has to figure out a fourth word that connects the other three. Our example today was

    Picture, washer, shopping

    And goose correctly answered “window” as the answer. Color me shocked.

    To simplify the beatdown structure, today the PAX would instead be doing a musical RAT (see hype) with pairs of songs.

    Five Doras were planned for teams of two. Each Dora corresponded to a song pair. Transport would involve coupons in one direction (one team member takes it to the far end and runs back, the second team member does the opposite).

    The PAX could guess the connection between the pair of songs and avoid 5 thrusters at the far end of the course for the next round. In reality, YHC quickly forgot about that part and likely no thrusters were done the whole time. Send complaints to paradox@innercircle.net.

    The Doras were 200 reps per exercise.

    1) merkins, SSHs, murder bunny transport
    2) Squats, v-ups, rifle carry transport
    3)Carolina dry docks, flutter kicks, block and bear transport
    4)Apollo oh-nos, LBC, lunge transport
    5)Crab dip, WWI sit ups, rifle carry

    We sped through the last few rounds due to time.

    The corresponding songs were

    1) A View to a Kill, Duran Duran / it’s my life, Talk Talk (double names)
    2) We have all the time in the world, Louis Armstrong/ the living daylights, A-ha (James bond theme songs)
    3) Take on me, A-ha / SOS, ABBA (palindrome band names)
    4) Atlantic City, the band / blinded by the light, Manfred Mann (covers of Bruce Springsteen songs)
    5) Ride like the wind, Christopher cross / Peg, Steely Dan (Michael McDonald backups in both)

    Count off, name off, announcements, intentions. May challenge starting. Pray for families and AB fighting Covid. YHC’s bionic partner for Doras today, Lil Cuz, prayed us out.

    As always it was a pleasure and honor to Q this morning. The PAX killed this and we 1000% absolutely don’t have to worry about AI being more creative than humans after all. I will sleep well tonight.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

    I heard it on the honeysuckle vine:
    —A view to a kill is also a James Bond theme song. YJ immediately picked up on this.
    —aha was played twice in a row
    —SOS is also a palindrome
    —the group Honeysuckle also has an Atlantic City cover.
    —in Peg, Steely Dan made Michael McDonald sing multiple individual notes and these were mixed together to form different sung chords in the song.
    —Technically, the first song played in the theme of “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” is an instrumental, with the Louis Armstrong song played afterwards.
    —Louis Armstrong does not play the trumpet part in the song.

  • F3-GPT – from Cardinal

    YHC had concocted an idea for a beatdown that had been percolating for a few months now, just waiting for the perfect time to reveal itself. With the explosion of AI chatbots this year, the seed was planted – could ChatGPT craft a killer beatdown?? I mean, it’s got an internet archive treasure trove of backblasts to read. YHC would never have to be creative, or panic at 11pm the night before, again!

    Before committing to the idea, though, YHC had to make a promise to himself – whatever ChatGPT gave would be the beatdown, no edits. So below you’ll find for your reading pleasure the full, unedited response to YHC’s prompt, “Create a 45 minute F3 beatdown.”
    —————
    Certainly! Here’s a **45-minute F3 beatdown** that you can use for your workout. This routine is designed to challenge you and work your entire body. Feel free to modify or adjust it as needed:

    1. **Warm-Up** (5 minutes):
    – **SSH (Side Straddle Hops)**: 20 reps
    – **Good Mornings**: 15 reps
    – **Arm Burners**: 10 reps
    – **High Knees**: 20 seconds
    – **Butt Kickers**: 20 seconds
    – **Merkins**: 10 reps

    2. **4 Corners Circuit** (15 minutes):
    – Set up four markers in a square or rectangular shape (e.g., tennis courts).
    – Complete the following exercises at each corner, then run to the next corner:
    – **Round 1**:
    – 10 Merkins
    – 15 Squats
    – 20 Plank Jacks
    – 6 Burpees
    – **Round 2**:
    – 15 Merkins
    – 20 Squats
    – 25 Plank Jacks
    – 8 Burpees
    – **Round 3**:
    – 20 Merkins
    – 25 Squats
    – 30 Plank Jacks
    – 10 Burpees

    3. **Parking Space 11’s** (10 minutes):
    – Start on one side of the parking lot.
    – Perform 10 Merkins, then run to the other side.
    – Perform 1 Charles Shackleford (burpee with a basketball shot).
    – Repeat, decreasing Merkins by 1 and increasing Charles Shacklefords by 1 until you reach 1 Merkin and 10 Charles Shacklefords.

    4. **6 Minutes of Mary** (6 minutes):
    – Rotate through the following core exercises:
    – **The Dolly**
    – **The High Dolly**
    – **LBC (Little Baby Crunches)**
    – **The Dying Cockroach**
    – **Flutter Kick**
    – **Row The Boat**
    – **Freddie Mercury**

    5. **Circle of Trust (COT)** (4 minutes):
    – Share prayer requests and intentions with the group.
    – Consider praying for:
    – Flat Head’s daughter (upcoming test at Chapel Hill)
    – Brother Landlord’s sister (recovering from surgery)
    – Scrappy’s friend (job loss)
    – CPR’s job test
    – Everyone dealing with COVID

    Remember to push yourself but also listen to your body. Modify any exercise as needed, and encourage others during the beatdown! 🏋️‍♂️💪
    ———

    A few observations: ChatGPT didn’t do a bad job overall. It started the Warmorama with SSH’s, as it should. It nailed some classic F3 exercises flawlessly.

    It clearly can’t take into account human fatigue – we ended up scrapping round 3 of the circuit in the interest of time. And if you didn’t recognize some of those exercises, that’s because they don’t exist, but we made our best educated guess where it left us without an explanation. The general consensus was that AI’s plan was to end us all there in its effort to take over the world, but the PAX valiantly pushed through some really hard stuff. It was a sight to behold. We finished out right on time (excluding that 3rd round of the circuit) and Valve prayed us out (including the presumably real intentions offered by PAX in the past).

    Who knows, maybe YHC will pull this tactic again in a pinch.

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • Cheaters Often Win: The Case of the Musical Cones, uh, Coupons – from Goose

    YHC was freshly returned from the massive F3 kingdom to the West known as Houston having been exposed to a fresh, new idea for a “fun” game perfect for the open Q slot at the Peltch on Saturday. The best part was that YHC had time on the flight home to concoct numerous levels of “gaming” this game after having been exposed to its many weaknesses while among the TX PX. However, as the PAX began to pull into the gravel lot on Saturday morning, YHC realized that the carefully crafted layers of deception and illusion would be greatly tested given the particular skill sets of this cast of characters. They were as follows:

    -Cardinal: “Captain Strategio”
    -Enron: “The Prosecutor”
    -Honeysuckle: “The Brain”
    -Popeye: “The Grizzled Soldier Who’s Seen Everything”
    -Safety Valve: “The Martyr”
    -Ladybug: “What Are We Doing, Again?”

    This crew would stretch YHC’s plan to its breaking point, but these plots within plots had been strategically architected for success under any circumstances.

    We started with an extremely unorthodox warmup to shake each man off of his confident perch ion the branch of comfortable expectations and break up any unity of thought amongst the collective. It went like this: Imperial Walkers, arm circles, cherry pickers, Laffy Night Clubs, mountain climbers, self-love.

    This was followed by a song, heard at least once by most, known well by none, called “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora. SSH for the duration (big surprise), windmills during the Tarzan yells, and 8-count bodybuilders during the bridge(s) (“Night to night, Gimme the other, Gimme the other…)”.

    YHC hinted at the ridiculous length of the song by offering a prize for any who could guess it. Most guessed that it was long with Enron getting within 3 seconds (it was 6:20, he guessed 6:23). That might have been close enough for Paradox, but we took it all the way into the fade out. It felt like we were watching the entirety of the end credits of an 80’s movie.

    The time had now come to execute the plan. All PAX grabbed a coupon and moseyed to the lower field, though Ladybug somehow got stuck in a very, very long conversation with an elderly couple jogging by. If YHC had to guess by their body language, it was about the unique qualities of cinder blocks and their multifaceted role in today’s society.

    YHC had the PAX circle up around the Q about 15 ft. apart and explained that we’d be playing musical cones, with cinder blocks, without cones. There were no cones on the field. When the music started, the PAX would bear crawl around the cones…no, blocks…and when the music stopped, everyone had to touch a block. The problem, of course, is that there was one fewer blocks than PAX, so the man left out had to go to the middle. The rest of the PAX performed an exercise AMRAP for 1 minute while the man in the middle did burpees. Each exercise would be done for 5 rounds of before switching to the next one on the list (so, each of the exercises listed below was done for 5 rounds of 1 minute AMRAPs):

    -Curls
    -Overhead Press (only did 3 rounds of this–it was looking/feeling really rough)
    -Goblet Squats
    -WW3 Situps
    -All rounds: burpees in the middle, and bear crawl around the cones, I mean, blocks (shut up, Cardinal!)

    After about 30 seconds of the first round of most of these exercises, we were pretty smoked, but the PAX pressed on and didn’t complain too much. At first, the burpees seemed a nice break from the endless curls and OHP, but that didn’t last long. The bear crawls and upper body work, followed by leg work, made the burpees more of a dreaded punishment as time went on.

    It only took about three rounds for the PAX to realize YHC had yet to have to go to the middle. It was Enron, of course, who brought it up, half joking, that it was coincidental that the Q, the guy holding the phone with the musical chairs app, seemed to have a block right next to him each time the music stopped. Now, YHC was ready for this, but it came quicker than expected. Likely, The Prosecutor’s nose for injustice was sharpened by having done multiple rounds of penalty burpees in such a short period of time. Level one of the plan was, of course, merely pressing a button on my phone, but YHC knew that wouldn’t last long, so the phone began to be carried in YHC’s pocket during the bear crawls to dissuade any accusations.

    The next level of the plan was guessed at by The Brain himself, Honeysuckle; though, he overplayed his hand by saying it out loud, which made it sound ridiculous, and the PAX had a good chuckle. He guessed that there was a sensor in each block that triggered the app.
    YHC had, indeed poured new cinder blocks the week before with sensors in them (that’s why they were so heavy, Ladybug). This meant that YHC had to move more quickly than planned to Level 3: a concrete sensor in the zip pouch on the rear of my short running shorts. It senses the proximity of dense-ish concrete blocks and sends a signal to my phone, set to stop the music after YHC passed exactly three blocks.

    This was working well, except that, by this point, Safety Valve seemed to purposefully be losing, getting caught without a block about 2 out of every 3 rounds. It evoked strong pity among the PAX, combined with Enron’s incessant accusations (“I’m telling you, he’s cheating. He’s never been to the middle, no burpees. There’s no way he doesn’t ever get caught. I’m telling you, I’m a numbers guy, and I’ve done the calculations. It doesn’t add up. It’s impossible, even for a computer, I’m telling you.”). YHC could see it in their eyes every time Safety Valve dove unsuccessfully for yet another block and then drug himself to the middle for unrelenting burpees: “What are you doing to him? He’s an eye surgeon! He has young kids! When is enough enough?” YHC’s lack of burpees could only go on so long, but just how long?

    Though Ladybug’s delight at the idea of using “World War 3” as a name for an exercise distracted the PAX for a bit, YHC knew that after a short while, Captain Strategio (Cardinal) would notice the music stopping after YHC passed exactly 3 cones, so we would need to move onto Level 4: underground wiring tracking YHC’s location relative to the blocks. This would be short-lived, however, as Popeye’s face (and modification of goblet squats) revealed that he was picking up some underground radio activity in his bum knee. We only had about 2 rounds left, so YHC was about to move to Level 5, satellite tracking, but then saw Honeysuckle messing with his watch, clearly manipulating his own satellites to check for orbital signals. So, there was only one remaining option. YHC would have to do burpees. I pretended to tie with Safety Valve as we both dove for the block, and then I offered to take one for the team to ease the collective sense of injustice he’d been a victim to at YHC’s devising.

    I’m here to tell you–those burpees were hard, especially followed by bear crawling for the umpteenth time around the circle. YHC almost felt sorry for the rest of the PAX who had all done multiple rounds in the center, but I was too distracted by trying to come up with a cover story for the unexplainable “luck” I had experienced.

    We picked up the blocks and headed back to the flag for some WW1 Situps (for Ladybug) to fill the last two minutes, then COT and Popeye prayed us out.

    Ultimately, I explained that I had picked up a strategy in Houston: wide, slow circles around the cones (dammit!) blocks, and make your way forward, nice and slowly, only once the guy ahead of you commits to the next block. It seemed to good enough for about half of the PAX, though Enron could be heard muttering at church the next morning: “I’m telling you, the numbers, I’m telling you.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Gifts – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Peltch on his last day of 35 with a song in his heart and some gifts for the pax. On Tuesday YHC had been gifted with the wealth of Fort Knox and now it was time to give back. This day would be about honoring the diverse group of Thib pax and the gifts they bring to all of us. So YHC put together a birthday bucket list of destinations to honor each group .

    DUKE! theres too many candles, get out of here, its gonna blowwww!

    Warmup

    36 SSH and heavy shoulder work to prep the coupon party.

    Great to have Toeloop out to work. Sorry you showed up for day 1 of the Dox cardio revenge tour but if your eye doctor calls out a lack of cardio it puts retaliation in the drinking water and YHC got thirsty.

    Black Snake Indian run to Thunderdome

    Warmup Song

    “I’ve Been Everywhere Man ”

    Johnny Cash

    Plank

    Mountain Climbers on Cities/States

    Plank Jacks on Everywhere

    Merkins on Man

    We successfully located Shreveport And Ferriday as LA cities in the chorus and Goose prolly has some friends in a DC circle in Winnamucca or maybe thats Opelika, maybe both.

    Da Main Thang- Travel the Bucket List

    These are setup as a series of “Amazing Races” and followed by the group they were dedicated to.

    1. } Egypt – the Great Pyramid of Geezers

    -Dedicated to our aged pax. YHC draws inspiration that we aren’t going to be physical dried up bags after we turn 36. I mean our “older” guys are absolute studs and it’s a gift to see y’all reverse Father Time every beatdown.

    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 cawn setup

    Split into two groups , Opposite sides , Bearcrawl – Burpee with increase at each cawn.

    Goose and ladybug were team 36 north and one thing you want to avoid is lining up intentional contact with Goose as he bearcrawls his way to freedom like Andy Dufrene. Valve is still taking ibuprofen as we speak.

    2.) Stone Henge
    Dedication to the Clydesdales.
    Power over finesse , these pax make the coupon look like tea cups.

    P1 Thrusters

    P2 curls

    P3 broad jump burpee to cone and back

    3.) Great Barrier Reef

    Dedicated this one for the creativity of our pax. With a lot of confidence I can attest that our gang is one of the most creative in F3nation. The quality beatdown/backblast combos consistently produced are amazing and every time a flag is planted it’s a good time.

    P1 Pick an exericse on the exercise machine tree by the chimney. Been itching to try this thing for years.

    P2 Flutter Kicks

    P3 suicide

    To baseball field

    4.)HobbitTown

    Dedicated to the Chatter and the Fellowship. While YHC has never been much of a loaner , the quality and depth of fellowship with you men has meant so much. Standing side by side in good times and bad , this fellowship aspect has been a game-changer.

    3 man Hobbit Carry
    P1 drags P2
    P3 does 5 burpees then runs to relieve p1 until around the bases.

    To pull up bars

    5) the beauty hike a volcano in Hawaii …just kidding this one is dedicated to the colon cleansers (YHC included)

    p1 mountain Climbers

    P2 run to top of volcano

    P3 burp ups

    Back to Stone Henge for the finale

    6.) the Faith

    Rome – Vatican City

    Dedicated to the mysteries of our Faith and What God provides to sustain us through tribulation.

    P1 genuflections

    P2 heels to heaven

    P3 Carry the burden – coupon lunge walk

    Sprint back to flag for COT and Goose prayed us out.

    Men , I started F3 at 33 years old and have been floored by what God has provided through this group in the last 3 years of my life. As stated above I know no other way to describe it than a gift.

    Thank you for showing up , for your effort and for standing in the fire with me when things get tough.

    SYITG

    Devin Owens, Paradox, Thirtyyyy Five and holding

  • The Den of Pain – from Smooth Operator

    4/11/24 Den of Pain
    Maneater
    Jackknife
    Honeysuckle
    AB
    GOOSE
    POPE
    YJ
    ENRON
    LIL CUZ

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial walkers
    Arm circles
    Mountain climbers

    The Pax grabbed a block and party mode BAPS and Indian rucked with last man doing 3 thrusters to the Den of pain.

    Due to YHC’s inability to count reps we will be practicing this throughout the beatdown

    Thang 1
    7’s
    Block and bears were the transport and man makers or blockies , depending on who you ask ,were done on the hill and goblet squats done between the tire and Oak tree finish line. Block and bears were done going both ways for 2 or 3 rounds and then YHC graciously lowered the expectation to one way and then rifle carry back. Enron completed his 7’s therefore YHC called the Pax back to the top the hill to start thang 2 to save time.

    Thang 2
    11’s
    Murder bunnies were the transport only one way and rifle carry back. Thruster we’re done on top the hill and the finish line which was moved up by YHC, the Pax did WW3 sit ups in the mud. The Pax got roughly half way completed this exercise before YHC called it due to 0600 creeping up on us. At 0545 the Pax partnered up for the next thang.

    Thang 3
    YHC had a vision of doing a Dora 123 with 100 150 200 but with 0600 staring us in the face we bumped it down to 50 100 150. For the 50 the pax would be doing triceps curls. For 100 biceps curls and 150 a rods. The kicker is the mode of transport for the traveling partner would be zombie crawls to the finish line and sprint back. I believe the Pax got roughly half way through their biceps curls before YHC had to call it to get back to the flags. The Pax Indian rucked back and we made it back in time to hold 6” for what felt like an hour but was really 1 1/2 minutes.

    After this we counted off and had announcements and Safety Valve made formed words and prayed us out. Thanks fellas for sticking with me, and not removing my Qing card immediately after the beatdown. It was a pleasure to lead y’all
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • Sweatin’ to the Oldies? – from America’s Best

    The morning was blustery. YHC was a bit late, and too tired to care that his cardboard boxes were about to blow away. Luckily Enron arrived early, surveyed the situation, and was able to uproot some tree stumps to keep YHC’s props from blowing away.

    Warmarama (that did not start with SSH) was presented with limited commercial interruption.

    The first Thang: Intro to Hans and Franz (Arnold Schwarzenegger Merkins and Squats):
    These are 9-count exercises. 5 count down, hold for 3 count, then explode up. The PAX performed these together, in 7s-style, to learn the cadence and ensure compliance. This must’ve been easier than YHC anticipated because the mumblechatter was deafening.
    You may be asking yourself, “Myself, why are they called ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger Merkins’ and ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger Squats’?
    Because that’s how Arnold Schwarzenegger does them.

    Thang 2: Decades
    6 Stations are set up, labeled 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, 20s. Each has 2 exercises assigned to it. A song plays. Mission of player is to identify which decade the song is from, bear crawl to that station, and perform AMRAP of the 2 exercises displayed. You can do as many of each as you choose, as long as you do at least one of each. If you are performing the exercises from the correct decade (you are in the correct station), you get credit for whichever of the 2 you did the most of. If you are in the incorrect decade station, you only get credit for the one which you did fewer of.
    Bonus points: At the end of the song, the word “STOP” is played, and is from another song. If you can ID where that came from, 20 bonus points. If you guess incorrectly, 5 burpee penalty.
    The Highlights:
    – Everyone except Popeye knows that Twilight Zone by Golden Earring is from the 80s
    – Goose did 98 of something! (and was in the correct decade)!
    – … but then Pope did 100
    – Enron was the only one to win Bonus Points… Hammertime!
    – Dox working out in the correct decade, heard a falsetto in a Broken Bells song, and said something like “Dangggitt” then switched to the 1970s…
    – White Meat wins for most rounds with the same score.
    – YHC was busy moving coupons and DJ-ing and missed most of the fun. Mental note to create a glove with a thumb cut-out.

    Points have been tallied… but this stuff is YOU AGAINST YOU, so I can give you your number, and just do better next time. It’s called beating yourself. (Not the same as self-love)

    A fair time was had by most.

    COT and The Jersey of Mike was bestowed upon LadyBug for his persistence– good to see him back.

    Goose prayed us out. Always an honor to lead such a great group of guys.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Hybrids, Donkeys, and Facial Nuts: My Life in Vegan Tights – from Yankee Joe

    YHC enjoys a good prank. As such, April Fool’s Day is like Christmas. Last year, YHC revealed to the PAX that he and his family were moving to the Seattle area. The M would be taking a job with Amazon, while YHC would follow his new found passion of farming to work for a local, kumquat farm. It specialized in organic kumquat-based mineral oils and lotions – all available through an affordable monthly subscription.

    The name of the farm? “Kumquat May.”

    ——————-

    This year, the “prank” part was too wonky and to be honest, after a grueling Saturday beatdown, a little recovery was needed. YHC still got in his jokes about switching over to CrossFit and trying to recruit F3 PAX to the good side of the force. However, instead of additional pranks, YHC set out to create a unique beatdown experience. A few fellers were asked for two true statements and one ‘not so true’ statement about themselves. The PAX could then guess which was which. One’s guess about what was fact or quasi fiction would dictate the type of exercise completed.

    However, before those shenanigans, YHC had other good stuff up his singlet. In the vein of CrossFit, YHC has always wanted to include a truck tire or heavy object rope pull. Wet Tap, who may or may not have been joking, suggested the Prius on GroupMe the night before. That’s all it took.

    “Duke, stop chewing on your ass.”

    ———————

    10 PAX and one FNG pulled up to the Stage on a comfortable 70 degree mernin’. The FNG, who was recruited by Popeye, was a good ‘ol Texas boy from his hometown of Austin. In his FNG naming, we would find out that he had once been pepper sprayed by the cops outside of the Cotton Bowl, WHILE on horseback because he was mother f-ing Justin Timberlake about being a shitty mouseketeer.

    His eventual name selection of Face Nutz was based on a story not appropriate for this backblast, but suffice it to say, Nutz has a special place in Toby Keith’s heart…rest in peace.

    Anyway, YHC had gotten to the Stage about 45 minutes early to test out how the Prius would respond to being pushed in neutral. Even solo, YHC was able to get some traction for about 10 yards. There was a Plan B, but this thang was just crazy enough to work.

    After a wonky Warmarama, in which the PAX did side straddle hops…that’s it. We only did side straddle hops. 410 side straddle hops…you get it…4/1. A few pranks had to be thrown in there, after all.

    Ok, so after that, we did the first ever F3 Prius indigenous peoples push.

    ———————

    The Thang:

    PAX in two teams

    – One team pushing the Prius – one PAX in the driver seat, the other teammates pushing.

    – Second team drops off and completes 10 triple merkin burpees (burpee with three merkins at bottom before jumping up).

    – Second team then runs to relieve the Prius team

    – Continue in that way around Rich Man’s Loop (approx. ½ mile)

    ——————–

    A few observations:

    It is possible that the Live Oak HOA will finally come together and ban F3. There was no shortage of neighbors peering out their windows. Pushing a car is one thing. White Meat yelling at anyone who would listen that it gets “85 miles to the freakin’ gallon” is something entirely different. However, YHC does appreciate the solidarity. Good lookin’ out, Bro.

    Paradox could not count the triple merkins at the bottom of the burpee. This is especially interesting since he perfected the triple merkin in order to cheat during Jurptober. His entire team’s points should have been thrown out.

    Wet Tap and Smooth could have simply carried the Prius around RML by themselves. Seriously, I’m not sure they broke a sweat. Smooth simply said, “ain’t this cute.”

    YHC still can’t believe how well this worked. Pushing the Prius, even with 4 to 5 people, got REAL hard, REAL quick. Steering without power was also a great arm workout. Except for the almost collision with the port-o-potty…because Face Nutz can’t drive (or maybe he couldn’t see because you know…the nutz…in the face), the PAX successfully pushed the Prius around RML and headed back to the Stage.

    ———————-

    Upon return to the Stage, the PAX completed

    – 41 burpees
    – 41 leg lifts
    – 41 J-Lo’s
    – 41 jump squats
    – 41 thrusters.

    It was during the jump squats that we heard the familiar retching of an FNG. We all looked over to see Face Nutz bent over and yakking his nutz off. However, he hadn’t moved his coupon before doing so and thus coated it with a creamy yellow bile…a color and consistency only found in Safety Valve’s Kenyan cool brew froth.

    Once the PAX finished up and the exercise circle moved upwind from Nutz’ vomit, facts were revealed. As mentioned, PAX would choose what they believed to be true versus a lie. Their choice dictated the exercises to come.

    Fact or (Quasi) Fiction

    *The first set of “facts” came from Paradox.

    1) At a birthday in middle school, a donkey kicked out his front teeth. For the next several years, through undergrad, his nickname was “Donkey Teef.”

    2) As the center for the Homer High School football team, he once sharted during a game and the quarterback, at first under center, took every subsequent snap in shotgun formation even though the head coach was threatening to bench him.

    3) He graduated from medical school

    I’ll let you, dear reader decide which of the three is false (and yes…almost everyone chose #3).

    —————————

    In the interest of time, YHC will only include the others’ most obscure, but true fact that blew the PAX’ collective mind.

    *Wet Tap “Fact”

    One of Wet Tap’s favorite songs is, “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. He said he loves singing this under his breath every time he gives epidurals to women in labor. One time, as he was preparing to administer the epidural, the woman heard him and burst out singing the song at the top of her lungs. Together, they sang so enthusiastically, that she prematurely went into labor and ended up having a natural birth.

    Moral of the story? Don’t ever let Wet Tap sing to your wives, boys.

    ————————-

    *Popeye “Fact”

    Popeye loves soup. His favorite soup, we found out this morning, is Cream of Asparagus. He said he literally buys the 24-can case from Costco every few weeks. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Cream of Asparagus. What’s more, is that he likes to chill it in the fridge overnight and then sip on it like a vichyssoise on a hot summer afternoon.

    I tell you what…Popeye sure does keep you on your toes.

    ———————-

    *America’s Best “Fact”

    One time, while still living in Virginia, AB went to a fundraiser in Washington D.C. While there, he got – in his own words – tore up from the floor up, and went to the men’s room to relieve himself. While at the urinal, Peyton Manning came in and started using the next urinal over. AB was so excited that he turned to him and said, “What’s up?”

    Unfortunately, AB hadn’t finished relieving himself and pissed all over Manning’s shoes. Apparently Manning looked down in disbelief, then looked back up to AB. In his drunken stupor, AB simply paused, zipped up, and yelled, “Omaha, Omaha!” and ran out of the bathroom.

    ———————

    *Goose “Fact”

    In high school, Goose joined a choreographed choir group that toured around and performed show tunes. He joined because he had a crush on a girl who was in the troupe. However, after about six months, the girl quit the group, but Goose, by this point, loved every bit of it.

    In fact, he was apparently, really good. He started branching out with other groups. Due to his height as well as athletic coordination, he was offered a full ride scholarship to the Academie d’ Chaussettes Sales in Paris…wait for it…Kentucky. Paris, Kentucky.

    However, as we all know, at that point, he had turned it down to follow God’s call to join the seminary.

    ———————-

    After all songs were played and penalty exercises were completed, YHC had one more treat in store for the PAX! In fact, YHC had been working on this thang for months. The logistics to carry it out were a bit over the top and may or may not have impacted YHC’s marriage.

    Looking back over the morning, however, it may have been YHC’s finest hour.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Our Consolation Is Abundant – from Yankee Joe

    First and foremost, welcome to @ZZ Leggs and @Elton. The joy of watching Goose and Reluctant Yankee (DRing from NOLA) go Beautiful Mind on us during FNG naming was a gift in itself. Both names are classic. Elton may be YHC’s favorite since the naming of Honeysuckle.

    YHC has several grumpy old man pet peeves. One of them is the abundant and obnoxious misuse of the word, “awesome.” That said, YHC should admit he uses the work WAY too much himself. It’s harder to stop saying it than, for example, crossing through the eye of a needle…or perhaps catching the eye of a German optometrist.

    To be awesome invokes the fullness of awe. Awe is typically invoked by events such as universe creation, miracles, defeating death, etc. So, when I hear certain PAX who are in their early 20’s and hail from LaRose say, “Bruhhh, those hot wings were AWESOME,” it makes one stop and ponder life in some confusion (and maybe sadness).

    Recently, YHC just reached his two-year Manniversary with F3. As many can relate, the F3 experience has been nothing short of a miracle. Sound melodramatic? Well, you be the judge. When YHC moved his family to Thibodaux, he had a few good acquaintances and some old “friends” from previous life chapters. His physical health was right in line with an early 40’s bro who often thought about the glory days. From time to time, he would run for a week or two after seeing a picture in which he saw the gut sticking out. YHC had no faith practice to speak of. Prayers happened when the S#&@ was hitting the fan or he was getting his teeth kicked in by life, in general.

    Blessed as he was to have a beautiful and growing family, along with a solid-ish career track, there was always something missing. “Something missing” is a dangerous place for a man to hang out…in between his ears…looking at deceivingly greener pastures elsewhere.

    So…with F3 came:

    1) meaningful friendships;

    2) the best physical/emotional shape in his life…since 1997;

    3) an awakening toward a faith life, leading ultimately to a full conversion to Catholicism;

    4) everything rich fruit that bountifully follows as a result of the previous three points.

    Still sound melodramatic? Deal with it, Pop.

    Coming up on his first year since confirmation in the Catholic Church, YHC is certainly not on the ballot for any ‘rookie of the year’ awards. That said, his faith has deepened in ways he never knew possible. Having never walked the Stations of the Cross before, it is these types of faith engagement of which YHC is just starting to now scratch the surface. And dang, bro…it’s some powerful stuff.

    After some thought and clumsy prayer, YHC settled on a ‘Stations of the Cross’ beatdown for Holy Saturday. The night before, YHC had a vision for how this could play out: 14 cones (or cawhns in North Louisiana). At 11 pm that night, the cones were no longer dramatic enough. YHC needed more.

    12 cinders and 12 cedar fence boards later, seven (7) crosses were hastily built. The PAX would go seven stations out (20 yards in between) and seven stations back. We would treat it as closely as time would permit to actually walking the Stations.

    However, in our version, we would lunge-walk with coupons in between stations (aka…walking genuflections) to symbolize bearing our own crosses. For each station, YHC read the leader’s prayer, the PAX responded, selected scripture was read aloud, followed by three (for the Triduum) exercises for the station. The third exercise was designed to consistently be six (6) man makers. Why? God made man on the sixth day.

    We would not have time to complete all exercises for all stations, but the PAX arrived at the 14th Station with two minutes to spare, picked up their coupons and sprinted back to the flag. The lunge-walks were brutal, the man makers were nauseating, and the side by side partner squats were disturbing…but not as awkward as the Suzanne Somers goblet squats.

    YHC will refrain from further narration. It’s not about him or the PAX…or the external validation derived from a quality backblast. On Saturday, seventeen men and soon to be men entered into Christ’s Passion.

    It was actually…

    Awesome.

    ————————————–

    Stations

    I. Jesus Is Condemned to Death
    20 Prisoner squats
    20 Nolan Ryans – both sides
    6 man makers

    II. Jesus Carries His Cross
    20 Goblet squats
    20 WWI sit-ups (no block)
    6 man makers

    III. Jesus Falls the First Time
    20 Burpees
    20 Mountain climbers (2:1)
    6 man makers

    IV. Jesus Meets His Mother
    20 flutter kicks w block
    20 WW2 Sit-ups with block/ or modify without
    6 man makers

    V. Jesus Is Helped by Simon of Cyrene
    20 partner air squats (side by side)
    20 Alternating partner shoulder tap merkins
    6 man makers

    VI. Jesus Is Comforted by Veronica, Who Wipes His Face
    20 apolo ohno’s (1:1)
    20 chilcutt jacks
    6 man makers

    VII. Jesus Falls Again Beneath the Weight of the Cross
    20 burpees, hand release merkins at bottom
    20 LBCs w/ block
    6 man makers

    VIII. Jesus Comforts the Women of Jerusalem
    20 Suzanne Somers (squats, toes pointed out)
    20 J-Lo’s (2:1)
    6 man makers

    IX. Jesus Falls for 3rd Time
    20 Bonnie Blair’s (2:1)
    6 man makers

    X. Jesus Stripped of His Clothes
    20 Thrusters
    6 man makers

    XI. Jesus Nailed to the Cross
    20 Star jumps
    6 man makers

    XII. Jesus Dies, Commending Himself to the Father
    20 genuflections
    20 V-ups
    6 man makers

    XIII. Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross and Placed in the Arms of Mary
    20 WW3 sit ups w/ block or modify to WW2 sit ups
    20 Leg lifts holding block straight up
    6 man makers

    XIV. Jesus is Placed in the Tomb of Joseph of Arimathea

    Coupon run back to flag
    6 man makers

  • Superunknown – from Paradox

    During two previous Goose masterminded Holy Thursday beatdowns the pax explored themes of shared suffering and the seemingly chaotic nature of events leading up to Christ Passion.
    (See F3 Archives for these fine works of Goose et al:
    2023’s “ You Don’t Got This Bro” 2022’s “ Holy Thursday : Plenty of Material to Work With”

    YHC re-read these seminal works in preparation for Thursday and was drawn toward the Garden of Gethsemane, more specifically the time period directly after Jesus is captured and before his trial. Wondering what the disciples may have been feeling at that time…lost, scattered, dejected, confused. Everything they had worked towards all up in the air.
    Everything unknown
    You might even say Superunknown …

    Duke!! Roll the footage and fetch ABs dusty CD case from the barn ! No, not the Shania Twain.
    Grab the one with the most angsty album cover, you can’t go wrong !!

    10 pax strong on a fine cool morning at the Den.
    Pumped to see McDreamy back for round 2 andddd Valve even showed enough respect to think he needed a warmup today !

    Warmup

    Some coupon dispersement then we got down to the usual business of YHCs mind wandering while the cadence stacks up at random numbers.
    Is it difficult to chatter with Ronnie AND keep the cadence , sure , but a beatdown is all about pushing through our perceived norms. Goose took the lead stepping out of his comfort zone and showing us a few arm circle karate moves that had us all buying tickets to Diamond Dawson’s Judy Chop Seminar.

    Self Love was left to chance as we got a warm up mosey around the civic center to make sure the legs were primed.

    Thang 1

    Multitasking

    There’s a lot going on during Holy Thursday but today’s primary theme would be the disciples experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. So we start with a symbolic run showing: A) the responsibility they carried being the disciples of Christ and B) the multitasking and chaotic nature of the events of this week .

    Coupon Indian Run to the Garden

    Last man drop off for 3thrusters
    When he passes you in line you do 3 OHP.
    Chatter seemed reduced to minimal questions about where we were going and grumbles about the logistics of running with coupons and Cardinals facial expressions of “how dare you” .
    All except Pope of course . You could put a baby grand on that kids back and he would still be smiling and correcting YHCs LOTR quotes. I know I’m a broken record here but watching him pass us all up in the last 2 years has been amazing.

    We made it safely to the St Francis Garden courtyard and the pax were clearly hungry for Garden themed trivia so we dove in.

    Correct Answer – 3 manmakers
    Incorrect Answer- 6 manmakers

    1.) NYTimes ranked this flavor of Sun Chips as # out of 10.
    (A: Garden Salsa)

    *If you bring French Onion in this house prepare to walk home.

    2.) First appearing in Orlando Florida , this restaurant chain has grapes as a part of its logo.
    (A: Olive Garden )

    ***Bonus***
    What 3 dishes make up YHCs favorite meal at Olive Garden, the Tour of Italy?
    (A: Lasagna- Fetuccini Alfredo – Chicken Parmesan)
    That’s right , y’all knew YHC was cultured but were you expecting that level of class? Doubtful.
    Pretty sure Goose said Spaghetti instead of Fett Alfredo but YHC knew what song was coming up and let the grace flow early.

    3.) Famed Showman PT Barnums alleged last words were “how were the receipts at “blank” , this famed venue
    (A: Madison Square Garden)

    The PAX had successfully figured out YHCs “garden” answers and made the rest look like Enron on Jeopardy with the category “early 2000 gutter rap” …Childs play.

    Flawless 3/3 from the Pax and the 9 manmakers were just the appetizer at this garden party.

    This Lenten season YHC has been thinking and praying with some difficult things God can sometimes ask us to do in waiting. As men we often want to see Problem A and fix it with Solution B. Part of our nature can be jumping into action. Patience is likely YHCs most ignored virtue but getting to know a lot of our pax more closely over the last few years has revealed how much work God can do in our waiting.

    This next bit wouldn’t be pretty but the intensity had to be ratcheted as we approach Sunday.

    Song:
    “While I’m Waiting “
    Goose introduced most of us to this song a few years back and it’s been a top 10 on YHCs playlist since. Just a solid reminder that waiting doesn’t put us into carbon freeze, but that we can still service and worship in that state.

    Hold “Al Goosies “ – Al Gore with a Coupon
    With Coupon Goosies on “Waiting and Wait”
    Coupon Goosies are a coupon lunches and a goblet squat.

    Somehow regular Goosies look a little nicer no

    Next we ventured a little deeper into the garden.

    “ Could you not stand watch with me ?”

    P1 100 HR merkins 10 at a time – p2 *Hold Coupon Press w Leg Raises

    P1 100 Goblet Sqats 10 at a time
    P2 *Coupon Side Reach Hold

    *Both Clinically proven to reduce drowsiness in gardens.

    And now the mob comes for Jesus in the garden and he’s captured.
    Has to be one of the darkest times so far in all of the disciples times together. Tough to fathom it. When mere words will not suffice in a beatdown it’s JBLs turn . YHC wanted a song here to fully represent the mood at the time immediately following the events at the garden. I needed a SOUND some how related to a GARDEN. I needed a melancholic mood like your whole Son had just gone black …

    90s grunge don’t fail me now!!

    Song : Blackout Sun by SoundGarden

    Challenge:
    Name this Song, Album, lead singer , year released.
    Each correct would take 30 seconds off.

    Slow Mountain Climbers
    Merkins on Black Hole Sun
    Side Reach in “won’t you come”

    Lead Singer – Chris Cornell
    Album – SuperUnknown
    Year released 1994
    (More on this later)

    Mosey to Bball court

    At this point all the disciples react in different ways . Some pray, some run, some fight but all are tested in their own way.
    So we would have a test of our own as a symbol of the increasing pressure as we approach the cruxifixction.

    The Test

    EMOM Timer
    3 burpees (drop to pray)
    1 court run (run back and forth)
    3 Thrusters (draw your sword)
    -increase 1 rep each round until you cannot beat the timer

    We made it to the round of seven reps.

    Coupon Mosey to Flag in relative silence.
    Mission accomplished

    Counting and Naming

    Announced BK500 is on the books for Sept 28.

    Start considering business sponsors and have an obligatory sit down with your previous SV500 partner about the seriousness of your relationship.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Thanks for following along with me. As always it’s a privilege to lead.

    A Dox of Chocolate:

    YHC has no idea what Chris Cornell had in mind when he wrote “Blackout Sun”. So a Google search was done and not much more was revealed. Some general reviews online that the song conjured up “disillusionment” , “feelings of discomfort”, “relentless heat” and “concealed darkness”. If nothing else this definitely fit the tone that YHC wanted to strike that the disciples may have felt in the garden. What I did find was an interview of the band explaining the song could be interpreted at the disgression of the audience, so I’ll give it a swing.
    My first thought was that, having been released in 1994, this song would have been a hit in the developing teen years of our pax’s 40 North club. So I imagined that motley crew playing this song…garage band style in ‘94. They would have a vague band name like “Sack of Fart” and people would debate for years if the flatulence in question was plural. Obviously Goose as baritone lead singer biding his time for a solo career. HoneySuckle on bass guitars with a “save the bees, save the world “ headband. AB as the smoky genius drummer. YJ is the quintessential band manger cutting deals and trying to figure out the “vibe” on the next record. Popeye drives the tour bus and does the pyrotechnics. WetTap as mosh pit director and occasional saxophone accompaniment. All wearing JNCo jeans with long hair and ironic sleeveless shirts . Those kids are going places they just don’t know it.

    Ok ok my first thought got carried away, it happens. But my second thought. My second thought was of the repeated line in the chorus of Blackout Sun. “Won’t you come?” It was an invitation of sorts. It reminded me that every year as we begin Holy Week we are invited to enter in to the experiences surrounding Christ’s passion. That for a moment we can put ourselves into the anguish and suffering. Into the deep prayer. Into the darkness felt by the disciples. And if we can go there then we can also begin to feel the immense and unconditional love that comes with the sacrifice. And see that no amount of chaos or despair can refute that love but that He meets us in it and works with us through it. The hope being that each year we are challenged to go a layer deeper and accept this invitation.

    “Won’t you come?”

    SYITG
    Paradox