F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Gambling with Minors – from Goose

    YHC showed up at the Peltch fully expecting it to be just Maneater and Jacknife joining the truckful of Dawsons on this Independence Day weekend, but what to my wandering eyes should appear, but Cuz, Honeysuckle, and Smooth, each with a 2.0. I think this is actually the first time I’ve ever attended a beatdown with more 2.0’s than 1.0’s. Even if we counted Pope as a full-grown PAX, the little ‘uns still outnumbered us 7 to 6. And, when we finally got them to put the sticks down, it was time to warmup.

    Did the usuals, but introduced the Lafayette grass-grabbers, increasing the Lafayette warmup exercises to 30% of the total this morning. You see that math? That kind of quick figuring is what almost got YHC first place in the poker tournament. But, almost means I didn’t. An unlikely victor ran away with the prize, but we had some work to do first.

    After the warmup, we moseyed to the farther end of the lower field, and YHC set up Bose with what was assumed to be a blast from the past, a reminder of years we might not want to be reminded of. (…right around the time we learned not to end a sentence in a preposition.) YHC set up Bose, gave instructions, and let fly with “Lucas with the Lid Off”, a top 25 track from 1994 with a Grammy nominated music video. We planked for the duration, toe tapped (reached under and touched opposite foot) for every “catch the vibe” and merkins for every “bubbles”. YHC expected maybe Maneater or at least Honeysuckle had heard it on the radio in middle school, but it was as if I had pulled a deep track from an unpopular album from an obscure Scandinavian country. YHC was like, “But it played on the radio all the time,” and they and every single person on GroupMe were like, “You sure that was a radio?” Whatever–music videos from other dimensions don’t get nominated for Grammys. At least I don’t think they do. But, it did motivate me to see how many other songs seemed to vanish into thin air somehow in future Q’s. More to come on this…

    On to the main event, the F3 2024 Poker Tournament. The PVC cards from the Deck of Death were still wet from last time, so shuffling was difficult, but YHC managed, and each man was given 5 cards while each boy was given 3. The men paired up for one on one 5-card draw poker while the boys paired up for battle/war. The loser of each pair had to do the exercises on the cards of the hand with the harder exercises, and the winner did the exercises on the easier hand. If you did your math, like YHC, you’d see that pretty much every card was used (we included the jokers and the instructions cards–they were wild), whihc meant that there was no avoiding the really tough ones. Someone was going to be doing the 25 burpess or the 400m sprint. The jokers were frog hops between trees, which brought back bad memories from not too long ago.

    After all 5 exercises (or 3 for the wee ones) were completed, the winners went to the winners’ bracket, and the losers to the losers’ and we did it again. After that round, we had a winning winner’s bracket, a losing losers’ bracket, and a bracket that combined the winning losers and the losing winners from the previous round. YHC and Bam Bam were the final pair to face off for the title of King Poker Face, and he won with a pair of 4s. After getting an actual flush the round before (no wilds), YHC could only muster a king-high, so Bam Bam emerged as the champion, and YHC had to do some sprinting.

    With about 10 minutes on the clock, we went all against all, 5-card stud, and somehow Cuz ended up with three kings and a Joker, so the whole PAX did the exercises on the cards in his hand. (Shared suffering is so much better than doing your own sets of different excercises, even if you’re right next to someone else.)

    After this, we hustled back to the flag for about 6 minutes of Mary: WWI situps, crunchy frogs, heels to heaven, wife pleasers, Afflecks, and side planks. COT, intentions offered, especially for the PAX on family retreat, and Coyote prayed us out.

    Awesome work, fellas! It’s always such a gift to start the weekend with such quality men.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Homer and the Odyssey – from Honeysuckle

    Five PAX plus YHC descended onto the Den Formerly Known As the Lion’s for a July Fourth beatdown. As it was also YHC’s 1-year manniversary, the PAX surely wondered what was in store. Since not all trucks are created equal, it was self-evident that AB was the one backing into the parking spot. And when the tailgate lowered, the PAX knew that at some point we were to hold these coupons.

    Warmarama

    First stop in the course of today’s human events was a warmarama (SSH, windmills, willie mays, arm circles f/r, cherry pickers, Lafayette night clubs, mountain climbers).

    Thang 1

    Then it became necessary to traverse to the four separate and equal corners of the civic center. In honor of the seventh month (and Cardinal), the first straightaway transport was seven crab crawl steps (2:1) then a run to the next corner. Second was four (the day) burpee broad jumps. Third was 17 (hundred years) bear crawls (2:1), and fourth was 76 lunge steps (1:1). The lunge steps did not in fact get us to Chick Fila but ended close enough to the concrete square for YHC.

    Thang 2

    YHC spoke a few words about the positive impact F3 and the PAX have had over the past year. Smooth was clearly becoming uncomfortable, so the subject was changed to the exercise. Part of the first F3 experience is getting named, and while Buzz Lightyear was a contender during YHC’s namearama, ultimately Econoline mentioned Honeysuckle and it stuck (no pun intended).

    Upon a year of reflection on the name, YHC realized that Honeysuckle is a meaningful concept that is part of American literature and songs – of course not to the extent that the fourth of July is.

    So, for the next thang, the PAX were to listen to the beginning of a song and determine whether the lyrics include (a) Fourth of July, (b) Honeysuckle, (c) both, (d) neither. During the song, a set of exercises were to be done, and after the song, we’d take a run to Aldi. If the PAX were incorrect in their guess, we’d have 5 Aldi burpees. Otherwise 0 burpees. Lil cuz was the official PAX spokesperson.

    –Song 1: Born on the Bayou, CCR. Hold plank, Merkin on Bayou. PAX were correct that only the 4th of July is mentioned. Lots of guitar soloing in this song. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 2: Church on Cumberland Road, Shenandoah. Side straddle hop, Squat jump on refrain. PAX correctly guessed that both honeysuckle and 4th of July are mentioned. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 3: Tin Cup Chalice, Jimmy Buffet. Big boy situp, OHP on refrain. PAX were once again correct that only Honeysuckle was mentioned. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 4: America the Beautiful, Ray Charles. 6” hold, leg raises on refrain. Lots of discord in the PAX over this one. Lil cuz ended up saying the 4th of July, but in reality neither was mentioned. AB plans to listen to this one a few more times, because maybe Ray did in fact say Honeysuckle somewhere while he’s riffing. Run to Aldi, 5 burpees for our Thibodaux PAX everywhere, and run back.

    Thang 3

    We had a few minutes left so there was time for a little Dora – another 7/4/1776 theme. The transport would start with bear crawl to the sidewalk and run back. Then run for the remainder. The exercises were 7+4=11 manmakers, 17 thrusters, 76 curls. All individual counts. We were close to finishing, and maybe a few PAX were successful in the pursuit of a good bicep pump.

    COT
    Announcements, including AB’s manniversary next Thursday. No articles of clothing to exchange today. Prayer intentions. AB prayed us out.

    I heard it on the honeysuckle vine:

    YHC was EH’d by a Yankee Joe / Paradox duo on 7/3/23. YJ must have just gotten out of an EH course, with the lead, “So, uh, what do you do for exercise?” Paradox gave off more the vibe of “I mean, I don’t care if you come or not. The more I think about it, maybe you probably can’t handle it anyway, so it might be better if you don’t.” YJ agreed to drive YHC to the beatdown the next morning (in the Odyssey, not the Prius), to a Goose Q, and the rest is history.

    To all the PAX: OG, new, past, present, regular, one-timers, haven’t been in a while, come every now and again. You all are meaningful parts of this community and I feel fortunate to have spent the past year as a part of it. My life has been enriched and strengthened in all three F’s over the past year, so thank you.

  • Nostalgia, Patriotism, and I’m out of Adderall – from Maneater

    Five PAX assembled on another muggy Monday at The Stage for a sweaty saunter down….. oh look a squirrel. What was YHC saying? Oh yeah, A sweaty saunter down ADHD lane.

    Did you know that in some circles untreated ADHD is considered a super power? It’s tru (ish). If one can see past the wild impulsivity and general lack of self-awareness, it becomes apparent that ADHD has a few benefits. I’ll give you a personal example:
    A week and a half ago M was telling YHC about a presumably interesting conversation that she had while working at a local church parish. Unfortunately, YHC was only able to catch about one quarter of the story M was saying, as the theme song for the 90’s classic cartoon Darkwing Duck was stuck on repeat in YHC’s mind. Fortunately, that Fowl diddy inspired an idea for a beatdown. So as soon as M finished YHC took out the phone and searched a few 90’s cartoon theme songs, and in true ADHD fashion, stopped there. Not finishing the beatdown plan. See, superpower.

    Low Super-power standards aside, after volunteering to cover this beatdown on short notice YHC decided to combine a few of the gooey centered ideas into larger half baked beatdown. So without further ado, Let’s get Dangerous

    The Thang:
    90’s Kid Beatdown:

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme
    -Butt Kickers for duration
    -Squat Jumps on ” TMNT”

    Darkwing Duck Theme:
    -BBS for Duration
    -Gas Pumpers on “DarkWing”

    Chip and Dale’s Rescue Ranger Theme
    -Run in Place for Duration
    -Squat Jumps for Chorus

    Thunder Cats Theme
    -Plank for duration
    -Merkin on “Thunder Cats”
    -Peter Parkers on Guitar Solo

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme again:
    -See above

    ‘Merica! That’s Why

    Five Station Circuit- Toss, Sprint, Drag, Carry, Mosey- inspired by the US Army’s Army Combat Fitness Test
    1. 40 meters each way over the shoulder medicine ball toss there and back
    2. 40 meter Sprint there and back
    3. Cinder Sled- two coupons on a folded Tarp- drag backwards 40 meters and back
    4. Carry a coupon in each hand 40 meters and back
    5. Mosey around the Stage track
    Then do It again and again and again and again.

    After performing a number of circuits, PAX moved on to MARY. PAX went around the horn with each PAX leading a burndown.
    After Mary; prayer intentions and announcements included our F3 brothers, Holy souls in Purgatory, those families on the DC retreat, that God reveal Himself through the Holy Spirit to all of those seeking Him.
    Hey, have you seen that show on FX “The Bear”? It’s really good. The language is pretty rough, but it’s gritty, emotional, and the actors do a great job.
    Anyway……. Pope prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Maneater

  • Bona Fide Odyssey – from Goose

    YHC may have done this theme before, but if so, it’s been long enough, and we were overdue for a romp through one of the greatest movies of all time, O Brother, Where Art Thou? In no other movie can you find a script made up completely of quotable one-liners given by the most interesting and entertaining characters in an unpredictable plot with every element coming from nowhere but left field, keeping the viewer in rapt wonder from start to finish. And, because of this, it’s the only movie YHC knows that doesn’t get old no matter how many times you watch it.

    Six adults and four 2.0’s gathered in the bright summer “gloom”, and YHC figured the leader of this outfit should be the one capaable of abstract thought, so he started the warmup with some SSH and moved through the usuals, adding some WMH and Good mornings since there would be some atrain on the back early on.

    We grabbed the blocks, and it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T. We made it to the playground, or the chain-gang work site, and YHC began reviewing the plot: the movie starts with three men chained together, running through a cornfield to escape from a chain gang. One of them, Ulysses Everett McGill, promised the other two share in the treasure he had buried, and they were running to try to catch a box car on a train. The treasure ended up being his wife and children, and he was on a time crunch because she was scheduled to get married to another man (“Mama says he’s bonafide.” “He’s a suitor!”)

    The exercise at this point would consist of two groups of three men, the first group, arms around each other, would lunge walk four steps together before dropping to the ground to avoid being caught, and there doing four Merkins before continuing to lunge walk four more steps, and moving in this fashion to where the “train tracks” were, the far playground area. The other three men stayed put, and acted as the chain gang, doing repeated sets of 10 grave diggers and 15 overhead presses with the block while Bose’, Sr. belted out Po’ Lazarus and Big Rock Candy Mountain. Insights about where to put your arm for the lunge walks and comparisons to high school dates at the movies were shared by our resident mid-beatdown philosopher, Lil’ Cuz.

    After a successful enough escape, we grabbed our blocks and moseyed to the Thunderdome. This would act as our rural radio station, where our newfound partner, Tommy (Suckle?), who sold his soul to the devil in return for guitar lessons, would give us what we needed to sing into a “can”, record a record, and make $10 apiece, unwittingly becoming major celebrities in the process.

    Bose’ rocked “Man of Constant Sorrows”, which rocked our lower abs in the following manner: hold 6 inches for the duration, and leg raises on every non-possessive pronoun that refers to the singer (I, me, he, him).

    In order to stay ahead of the pursuing lawmen, it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T again, this time along the road. But, about halfway to the chimney, one of our party demanded that we pull over immediately. He had heard something so irresistable, so heart-rendingly attractive, he, and then we, couldn’t not investigate. We discovered three beautiful women doing laundry in the stream singing the most intoxicating song in perfect bluegrass harmony. We also discovered an abnormally large number of people waliking the park that day and judging us as we completed the following routine (AB’s wearing of The Fire Within may have absorbed most of the rays of judgment aimed at us, but certainly not all.):

    11’s–run instinctively to where the Sirens are (a tree about 10-15 yards away), do 10 J-Lo Pickle Pounders, or Afflecks (as Delmar said, “We was fxin’ to fornicate!”), then like Pete, we was turned into a toad and had to frog-hop back for 1 American Hammer and so on in typical 11’s fashion. The American Hammers were reflective of the two remaining friends who weren’t transformed, but were beat with a tree branch by the Bible salesman, Big Dan.

    The frog-hops were brutal, but that’s justice for you, and on we traveled. Soon, we stumbled into a KKK riitual gathering led by none other than the favorite in the upcoming gubernatorial election, Homer Stokes, the “Friend of the Little Man” who was gonna “sweep this state clean” of “rascalism, nepotism, croneyism,” etc., not to mention “all them people say we come from monkeys”.

    The routine would be a stationary Flora where we partnered up, one partner representing Stokes while the other represented the “Little Man”. They split duty on 100 Coupon Swings (sweeping the state clean), 100 tricep presses (emphatically brandishing the broom overhead) , and 100 curls (lifting up the little man). While one partner worked through 10, then 15, then 20 reps of these, the other, the “Little Man” did Smurf Jacks, then Mission Impossible plank, then LBC’s (all nice and little, or low to the ground).

    This is where we finally lost all pride. If the Sirens or park walkers didn’t defeat us, Stokes and his Little Man did. But we stuck it out, driven by the undying desire to save our wife and children from the clutches of Vernon T. Waldrip, Mr. Bonafide himself. So, in an unexpected turn of events, Stokes was revealed for the man he was, his constituency rode him out on a rail, and the three men were given bonafide jobs in the governor’s cabinet.

    We moseyed with the blocks back to the flag for what the Pax hoped would be a happy ending, but instead were met with sinister authorities, who were ready to exact the highest (or lowest) level of justice. The PAX dropped to their knees (10x, in cadence, as genuflections), and Providence smiled on them as a wall of water came rushing in and swept them all away in a cleansing tide as the valley was flooded by the TWA for the new power plant. 10 Scuba Steves, in cadence, brought us to the surface, where we discovered the roll-top desk in which we found Everett’s wife’s original wedding ring.

    But, of course, his wife had one more heroic task for Ulysses/Everett to complete–YHC won’t spoil it here , bu suffice it to say, she made her mind up (“counted to three”), so we finished with 10 static wife pleasers (hold for 3-count at the top).

    COT, and The Fire Within was bequeathed by AB to Maneater for his timely recitation of some one-liners from the movie, and he immediately squeezed into it like a wet six-year-old putting on pajamas after a bath. Prayer requests and Cuz prayed us out.

    That was a fun one, and a solid crew. Thanks for posting! “I’m with you fellers.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Summer Swolestice – from Paradox

    Summer Swolstice

    Inspiration for a beatdown can come from almost anywhere. The blank slate , fresh canvas you are handed as a Q will always give YHC that “kid at Christmas” feeling. Lose Yourself in some nice Cinema and the the next day you are leading the men in the Inception kick song in a mosey around a municipal building at 520am. Have another pax critique your form? No bother, you can answer with a 45 minute beatdown lecture on Apollo and his OhYes. Earl Dibbles fan? YEEEE YEEE brother! Say no more, that’s a whole hour specialty beatdown!
    Tributes , birthdays , mountain climbing franchises, feast days, holidays, schisms, sandwiches vendettas…all great reasons for a free men’s workout and today YHC wanted to add one more entry to our Pax ever expanding portfolio: the exercise research beatdown. June 20th being the summer solstice and this month being Alzheimer’s awareness month YHC has been reading more about the cutting edge prevention of this state and of neuro cognitive decline, a field that has exploded in just the last decade. YHC saw a recent study placing exercise (mental and physical) very highly on the list of modifiable risk factors. It went further, breaking down the type and duration of cardio and by the time YHC had finished reading the abstract the following beatdown was in the slow cooker just waiting on lab mice…ahemmm…pax.

    Duke! Put the WD40 on the rowing chains ! The pax need some cardio.

    YHC moseyed in with 30 seconds till kickoff after a light setup sesh. AB was found loitering in the midst of the circle and was pulled into a full on haboob he didn’t much care for. Some commented it was Darude of him to decline advances but he must be more of a slow dance kinda guy, I’ll try Peter Gabriel next time.
    Anyhouser, We got right into the usuals and then Sandstormed our way to the Cones of Dunshire.

    According to this metanalysis the following actions are optimal for maintaining our cognitive abilities and stemming decline. (Some liberties were taken so please don’t send this to JAMA , they have enough on their plate working on Valves call schedule complaints )

    Needed:

    -10 minute bursts of cardio
    -Short Term/Long Term Memory work with rapid alternation between the two
    -Execution of a task , especially with spatial awareness
    -learning a new skill
    -Social relationships

    So obviously the challenge here is “could this all be done simultaneously in 45 minutes ?”

    Here’s YHCs swing at it .

    10 station Circuit

    1. Med Ball Slam (no one has time for therapy )
    2. WW3 Sit-ups (cuz they suck)
    3. OHP (make free throws challenging)
    4. Goblet Squats (that suck thing again)
    5. Row (learn something new)
    6. Coupon Curls (for Ronnie)
    7. Pickle #1 with increasing drop burpees (build social relationships)
    8. Pickle #2 (what Goose happens after 5 guys)
    9. Apollo Ohnos (cus YJ loves them )
    10. THE TIMER : dribble run with various free throws (spatial execution)

    While traversing the circuit the lab participants would need to compile a working short term memory bank of seemingly random words while accessing there long term memory to see if there was a common thread. Musical clues and foils would be playing for motivation, rhythmic coordination, and philosophical discussion.

    R1 BEST PICTURE

    Moonlight – Parasite- Crash-Chicago-Gladiatior-Ghandi-Patton-Marty- Rebecca -Spotlight

    R2 Bond Villains

    Trevelyan- Scaramanga- elektra king -le chiffre- Hugo Drax – Dr. Julius No – Mr White – Raoul Silva- Elliot Carver – Mr Big

    R3 NOBEL Prize

    Linus Pauling, MLK, Mother Theresea , Al Gore, Red Cross, Watson and Crick , Al Einstein

    Lab Observations:
    – the OHP and Curls had devastating effecting on FT percentage (that’s what we will blame today)
    – YHC loved listening to the proposed common threads and watch the “AHA” moments as the puzzles clicked. I saw the exact moment during Duran Duran that Goose realized they were all bond villains!
    – ManEater was upset Bloodsport wasn’t in the Best Pic nods and he has his own best picture list, I can’t wait for that beatdown.
    – HS can drain a free throw on command but also wanted everyone in zone 4 cardio so he missed some just to sharpen iron,

    Gear packed in the party wagon and we moseyed back to launch pad.

    Wet Tap graced AB with The Fire Within (TFW), actually the same phrase the GI doc wrote to describe his colonoscopy.

    Invitations to keep those individuals and their families suffering with cognitive decline in your prayers and to offer our own sufferings for Christ to use in their relief.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Post Doc Analysis

    Like any good study YHC had to leave some variables unknown to the subjects so YHC did not inform the Pax that the Lions den court had been converted into a linear functional MRI scanner for observation of brain waves and translation to pax thoughts during the exercise. Here are the results:

    Wet Tap: I’m feeling really extra swole in this tank top, can I award myself the fire within?

    YJ: We’re no strangers to love

    Goose: This may be the dumbest thing dox has ever done, wait is that the row machine! …ok second dumbest and I’ll give him a half point for Lecrae.

    Lil Cuz: Gladiator, Spotlight, Crash..are these all ways to describe my beard ?

    YJ: You know the rules and so do I

    Enron: Gosh I hope he’s got some Cash Money Millionaires on that playlist.

    Americas Best: I should really look for a free men’s workout with harder trivia

    YJ : Never gonna give you up

    Popeye : *smirk intensifies

    ManEater: where is “Dumb and Dumber”, “Die Hard” , and “Point Break”????
    This is clearly not best picture material.

    YJ: Never gonna let you down

    Honeysuckle: This is a great warmup. Hope I hit Zone 2 today.

    YJ : Never gonna run around and desert you !

    A pleasure to lead men
    Thanks for letting me Roll with you.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The traffic pattern – from Safety Valve

    On this Day in 1928, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Second in history only to the famous Charles Lindbergh. She was also the first person ever to fly from the mainland of the US to Hawaii. To be a pilot at that point in history was not an easy task. To be a woman and pilot was almost unheard of. The calculations needed and limitations of the aircraft meant that only the most intelligent and daring of people became pilots. Most pilots nowadays learn to fly the aircraft, but like most things nowadays the process are automated. There are private jets that a passenger can push a button and the jet can land itself based on GPS and autopilot functions. That was far from the case in the 1920s. People like Amelia Earhart pushed the boundaries of what aircraft in her time can do, which led to the innovations we have today. Be like Amelia, push the boundaries of what we have now so that we may make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

    Warmaramma
    SSH – 50 of them
    Mountain climbers
    Willy mays hays
    Flying sun gods x 4

    Thangs:
    1. Learning to fly by Tom Petty – plank jacks for durations, burpees on the chorus
    2. Flying the traffic pattern – The newly paved section of the neighborhood is perfectly divided into 4 consecutive rectangles. The airport traffic pattern is flown in a rectangle. Couldn’t think of a better time to teach the PAX about flying the traffic pattern. We moseyed the short parallel streets and sprinted the long perpendicular streets because the hardest part of flying is the take off and landing.
    3. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, remember the rep count you got to. This had nothing to do with flying. Just trying to hurt these people… I mean, just trying to improve the health of my friends
    4. 11s – jump squats and stationary flying nuns
    5. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, try to match or beat the rep count from earlier

    COT, intentions, prayers. To the dismay of Goose, YHC opted for comfort over the “the fire within” since it was still wet with paradox’s sweat from the previous day. Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.

    #renewyourvalves

  • Be a Daddy, Not a Diddy – from America’s Best

    The beatdown usually starts with a small idea. YHC wanted to emphasize form today. The dictum “Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast” came to mind.
    YHC learned of this phrase from “cool dad” Phil Dunphy. Apparently the phrase subsequently became so prolific I believe the military even adopted it.
    Pre-Father’s Day miracle #1: Didn’t even realize I was creating a (Pre-)Father’s Day Beatdown.
    It’s probably known by now that YHC has an unhealthy compulsion to inject some kind of musical trivia into every beatdown. For this one, each song would have a commonality which the PAX would have to discern at the end of the beatdown.

    But first: Standard-issue Warmarama, with one addition
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm Circles
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Top of the Merkin to Ya (not Blades of Steel) – programmed exclusively to help rehab YHC’s shoulder

    Quick mosey around The Center Formerly Known as The Lion’s Den while we heard “Intro” by The XX – only a 2 minute jam, so some sprinting was necessary.

    Prelude to The Thang:
    Originally planned as a Dora, YHC somehow found “All About the Benjamins” on a page I had saved from the Exicon, so I changed it from Dora to AATB… but I had already formed my playlist, and while Puff Daddy fits into the Father’s Day theme, “All About the Benjamins” would definitely not fit the music theme (and we won’t mention P-Diddy’s recent transgressions). I almost changed the entire musical theme around this song, but ultimately decided to keep the list as planned…

    Pre-Father’s Day Miracle #2: The song I had already chosen as the first song (originally for the Dora), was relatively unknown to me … and it contains the lyric “All About The Benjamins”

    On to the Thang: All About the Benjamins setup as 25 SLOW 6-count Curls, 25 lunge walks, then 25 Arnold Schwartzenager (8-count) Squats. Bear crawl back, rinse and repeat until we have done 100 of each.
    As Yankee Jeaux noted, the bear crawls seemed considerably easier after the super-tempo squats. That extra stretch actually does something. The importance of proper form, boys. Make a note of it.
    Not surprisingly, this part of the beatdown took a good amount of time. Our entertainment was not so much the music itself, but Paradox’s guesses on the music theme, as well as the artists. “Songs ODs smoked weed to in college?” stood out to me. Also of note, Dox may have heard the names Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins somehow associated with the 80s and 90s. Or maybe he is just trying to hurt Goose.

    We finished that up with just enough time for the gamified mosey around The CFKATLD. Except that it wasn’t a mosey, but a sprint with 5 Arnold Merkins at each stop, unless someone could identify the common thread amongst the songs. The catch: first, you have to identify the song/artist to unlock the your chance to guess the theme. We stopped at the first cone while YHC played a clip of Intro by the XX… Popeye correctly ID’d the band, but at that point did not have a guess for the theme. So we sprinted to the next cone and did the merkins while we heard a clip of The End of the Contender by Everything Everything… no one knew this one, so we sprinted/merkined again. This continued through songs by Django Django, JR JR, and Man Man. Somewhere in there Enron voiced the answer to the theme, but no one had yet unlocked any band name in order to make that guess, so on we suffered (YHC may have put the more obscure bands at the beginning by design). Finally Goose saved us, identifying Mr. Mister, and completing the second answer. We got to mosey the rest of the way while skipping past Talk Talk, Duran Duran, and the Ting Tings. Thankfully we did not have to listen to the Go-Gos.
    T-Claps to Enron for remembering to grab the cones.

    We arrived back at the flags for a quick Mary. YHC led us through some Wheezy Jeffersons before passing the baton to Goose, who apparently wanted to showcase YHC’s lack of coordination by ordering Dr. W’s. And there was much flailing.

    COT

    Always an honor and pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees: The Hand of God in everything. Even in Everything Everything.
    I mentioned some “miracles” in this blast, which is probably hyperbole, but I think it underlines the fact that God’s hand is truly in everything we experience. So from big miracles (like YHC finally becoming a Father a few years ago) to everyday “God Winks,” it’s important to acknowledge even the smallest things as gifts from God.

  • Dadlympics 2024 – from Paradox

    776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :

    Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:

    Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?

    Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.

    Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
    beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.

    Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.

    Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.

    2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.

    Welcome to the Dadlympics

    Duke
    Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !

    Warmup
    9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
    Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.

    YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.

    1. The Track
    2. The Field
    3. The Battleground

    Opening Ceremony
    Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
    Last man drop to 5 torch raises

    Thang 1 —-TRACK

    It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
    So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
    -P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
    -complete 1 track lap

    This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.

    Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.

    YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
    The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.

    Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :

    -I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.

    -I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet

    – Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .

    Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.

    We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.

    Ending with this doozy….

    -You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .

    A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
    The heart can only withstand so much.

    Thang 2—Field

    A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.

    Carry the Beach Equipment

    P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
    P2 flutter kicks

    The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.

    Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
    P1 Thrusters
    P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)

    The Thang Finale —-Battle Field

    American Dadiator

    Rules :

    3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
    2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
    Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls

    Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
    -2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
    -5 merkins to get a tennis ball
    -If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
    -10 minutes on the clock

    Teams :
    TanaCuz (picachu )
    ValveDox (gecko)
    Office of Parish Support (Duke)

    Notes :
    – very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
    – The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
    – Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.

    When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.

    Gear up and back to the flag

    YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.

    Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.

    Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
    1: children being born
    2: being awarded TFW

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.

    See you at the ‘25 games

    Dox

  • Some Classics and a Mystery Stick – from Goose

    YHC knew that the Mystery Stick would need to find its way into today’s workout somehow. It had also been a while since we’d taken a dive into some of the foundational routines that had been buried somewhere at the back of the equipment closet.

    The hook-stick was left conspicuously at the foot of the flags, and a warmup of the predictables ensued.

    YHC then called for an Indian Run. Just a regular Indian Run to get the heart pumping and the system nice and waked. What was new, however, was the path. We took the new road and zigged and zagged our way back to the flag, swim-moving around the road-closed signes and cones on the brand new roads between future home sites. We were like Lewis and Clark forging our way through what would soon be a bustling nation, guided only by Indians who prefer to not be in the back of any single-file lines.

    Once back at the flag, YHC grabbed Bose’, Sr. and the stick and moved into the grass. The stick served, once again, as an excellent speaker/phone prop, and YHC introduced another foundational routine, the 10 min Burpee EMOM: 10 burpees, Every Minute on the Minute, for 10 minutes. There’s a good reason this one was buried behind the archery targets and wrestling mats, and that reason is because it’s just hard for hard’s sake. All you can do is think about how hard it is and how much more you have to do. No distractions, just an automated jerk telling you you have 10 seconds to somehow catch your breath enough to do another 10. And, you know what? It’s good for you. After you’re done, you feel like you accomplished something, and you’re glad it’s over….hopefully.

    Next Classic bit was partner BLIMPS. This is usually a Dora- or Flora-style routine of any six exercises that start with those letters. Today, the plan was to split duty on 100 BBSU, 100 Lunges (2:1), 200 Imperial Walkers, 200 Merkins, 250 Plank Jacks, and 250 SSH while your partner(s) carioca’d to the sidewalk, did 1 Bobby Hurley, and carioca’d back. The Mystery Stick, however, was hung mysteriously on the string lights. At the cost of 10 burpees, by anyone at any time (but without interruption), the stick could be moved one light bulb closer to the intersection of the two wires. And, YHC explained that at the end of the routine, that the number of lights remaining between the stick and the intersection would determine, how many burpees the entire PAX would do x10.

    The hope was to present the PAX with a tough decision to either get the burpees over with after having just rejoiced at having no more burpees to do, or to delay the burpees, risking the impending fatigue that grew with every carioca. But, this PAX is as tough as they are smart, and they hit the burpees at the very beginning, basically taking turns hammering them out until the stick hung well beyond the crossroads.

    YHC had to modify a bit as the lunges crept a little too slowly toward 100. 2:1 changed to 1:1, and 200 merkins became 100, and that was as far as we got, even though we started with over 15 minutes on the clock. It wasn’t due to lack of effort–nobody took any breaks–but BBSU and lunges are just deceptively slow exercises.

    With a couple of minutes remaining, we burned out the core with some wife pleasers and slow penguins.

    COT, and “The Fire Within” was passed to Safety Valve, who promised to spend time contemplating its many layers of profundity before clothing himself in its splendor tomorrow morning for what can’t help but be an inspired Q.

    The Mystery Stick went back into the truck, and we will continue to find ways to name and incorporate random objects into the fabric of F3 Thibodaux.

    SYITG,
    Goose