F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • Mad Pax: Fury Road Trip – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux Police Blotter: October 1, 2022
    Officer ParaDox reporting on duty

    6:30 am Called to the scene for suspicious activity at Peltier Park for 3 men and a wild Coyote rolling dice around a shovel flag. These men were all recognized as repeat offenders, there criminal profiles noted below:

    The Ringleader: noted for organized workouts in the region dating back to 2020, he leads a tough gang with iron will and burpees. Rumored to have 20-25 offspring. His authority was questioned…once.

    The Barefoot one: 200 lbs of muscle, he is clearly the enforcer of the gang.
    XL mudgear shorts so his quads don’t rip the seams. That wayyyyyy down the bayou DNA keeps his cardiac output ready for live action at any moment.

    The Redneck Idiot: unsure of his role in the gang, a gangly NorthLa transpant that prefers tight shorts and neon garments. Usually runs interference by mispronouncing words and mumbled speech.

    Wild Coyote: an actual feral coyote the gang uses for intimidation to rival gangs.

    6:37 am Authorities alerted that the gang picked up a late arrival, suspect in a red Southern pipe hat goes by the call signal Goats. Rumored to have an “off the grid” bunker in deep Thibodaux with enough livestock for the whole gang.

    6:42 am Suspects in question noted packing cinderblocks into an unmarked white van by planking and squat thrusting.

    6:50 am: Suspects reported by local gas station attendant. While one suspect pumped the gas, the other sprinted into the store for snacks. They continued to mercilessly gamble in the parking lot , hollering “20 merks” and “5 lbcs”. Clearly, organized crime lingo. 200 reps were pumped before they fled the scene.

    7:01 am: Civilian call outside an interstate in Texas noted that several men in unmarked white van were seen sprinting to a ditch then doing several squats. They were overheard chastising each other due to a gas station purchase of fish sticks from the vending machine.

    7:10 am News helicopter in Arizona picked up footage of the white van stuck in traffic. Suspects spent this down time disturbing the peace with hang burpees and blasting John Wallers “While Im Waiting”. 20 burpees were recorded for Project Burptober.

    7:15 am After getting jammed up for a traffic violation the white van entered a high speed chase. The gang deployed a deadly Ring of Fire maneuver for 2 rounds. Bearcrawling with merkins followed by lunges and squats were just enough to evade capture for most of the gang. Unfortunately, their beloved Goats was struck by a stray bullet of mysterious cramps. He stayed behind to take the heat for the gang in true hero fashion. “Take care of my chickens” he cried as they placed him in cuffs.

    7:20 am Following the Ring of fire dust up there were scattered reports of gang activity in Talahasee, Fl, Santa Fe, New Mexico and Bismark, North Dakota. These criminals clearly leveraged their children’s knowledge of state capitals for secondary gain.

    7:29 am The gang was last reported half moseying/half limping and carrying cinderblocks, a wifi speaker and a few cones near Thibodaux.
    After a prayer together they faded into the gloom.
    This is where the trail went cold. The suspects remain at large.

    If you have information about these HIMs please come forward to the F3 authorities at the Stage on Monday at 5:30. They will be brought to justice.

    SYITG

    Officer Pdox

    RIP GOATS
    Gone but not forgotten

  • IPC Week 3: The Backblast – from Goose

    YHC and Coyote rolled up to The Peltch a little early to measure out how far down the road we’d be running this morning. The atmosphere was thick and muggy, which only confirmed that it would be a painful one. But, having surrendered to it, and knowing we were not going to be grinding through it alone, we found ourselves rejoicing at every car that pulled into the parking lot, as if each additional PAX would somehow divide the pain among more of us.
    6:30 came quick, so we were off to the warmups: the usual with some additional mountain climbers to prep for the many burpees and man-makers to come.

    Moseyed with the blocks down the road to the area in the grass off the road exactly 200 meters from the gate. The playlist was a thing of beauty, if I may say so, and the timing of the songs couldn’t have been better (like “Livin’ on a Prayer” coming up at exactly “halfway there”), and Anker performed well. The inspiration of the music added to the inspiration of doing this for a fellow PAX who had lost his wife (accentuated by the heart-wrenching video shared on our GroupMe of the surprise candlelight vigil that his region arranged for him). The exercises were as follows:
    5 Rounds of:
    -20 overhead coupon presses
    -20 burpees
    -20 coupon curls
    -20 V-ups
    -20 goblet squats
    -13 man-makers (burpee with coupon)
    -400 meter run (to the gate and back) with an extra 400m run at the end of the 5th round
    This added up to 571 total reps, the number of days his wife fought pancreatic cancer before passing away.

    YHC didn’t expect that any of us would finish, especially with the longer warmup and the time it took to mosey with the blocks to the beatdown area. So, as we could no longer delay the inevitable, Michael Jackson kicked us off with “Bad”, and like pushing off from the top of a scary waterslide, there was no turning back. The experience of 20 burpees and 13 man-makers was as life-sucking as expected, and YHC found that the decision to just keep going without measuring what was left in the tank had to be made many, many times.

    YHC was buoyed by Montana, Cardinal, and Lil Cuz’s never quit attitude as well as the long-term tenacity of Enron and Yankee Joe. Coyote seemed to be enjoying himself, as usual, his mind in his happy place as he distractedly did what might resemble curls, presses, etc. After three rounds, YHC checked the watch and saw there were about 20 minutes left, and after some fatigue math, figured it might actually be possible to finish close to 7:30 if I pushed, though that wasn’t a very attractive option. Yankee and Enron weren’t far behind, so I knew the decision to finish at all cost wouldn’t just affect me. But, whatever song came on at the time reminded me why we were doing this, so if pride wouldn’t get me across the finish line, a suffering brother would.

    The 7:30 alarm went off, giving all who were on a tight schedule a reason to stop. YHC had four man-makers and 800m to go, so the decision to finish was an easy one. Yankee Joe wasn’t far behind, but it was the decision by the rest of the PAX, especially Montana, to accompany YHC on the final 800m run that was inspiring and greatly appreciated. Enron provided the push for the final sprint, and then we all collapsed like dead bodies scattered on a battlefield. The oxygen that seemed to have been in short supply up to that point tasted as sweet as food to a starving man, and we gulped it hungrily and gratefully.
    Slow moseyed to the flag with blocks on shoulders, COT, and Yank prayed us out.

    Mumblechatter afterward revolved around the unprecedented bio data, which was collected by what is still a variety of devices. This one was definitely a memory maker. YHC is extremely grateful for the men out there today and their willingness to dig deep, which is what it takes to forge true and lasting brotherhood. Honored to be joined with this crew in the trenches!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Stupid is is Stupid Does – from Goose

    Armed with his trusty Anker, YHC rolled up to The Stage to a solid crew that included the newly minted Lil’ Cuz and an FNG from Cardinal’s parish in Chackbay (which was somewhat overdue for the king of EH-ing). After a lengthy disclaimer and a warmup of the usual, Anker was fired up, and YHC explained the culture of epic movies back in the day. When a big budget movie came out, everyone saw it dozens of times, quoted it for years, and it defined culture for decades. Though that happens more rarely these days given the glut of video media produced, YHC though it important to dive into one of the greatest epics of the 90’s, Forrest Gump.
    Using highlights from the soundtrack, we took a trip with Tom Hanks through the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, with a different exercise for each song (each played to the end, Paradox) as follows:

    * Hound Dog: Mountain climbers for the duration, 2 Carolina Dry Docks on “hound dog”
    * Walk Right in: Imperial Walker’s for the duration, prisoner squats on “sit right down”
    * Land of 1000 dances: Q calls different core exercises (cuz of all the dances), 100’s on “Na-nas”
    * Blowing in the wind: burpees for the duration, rest on refrain (How many burpees must a man throw down, before he can break for oxygen? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind…)
    * Fortunate Son: Chinooks for the duration, genuflection on “It ain’t me”
    * California Dreaming: SSH for the duration, Bonnie Blairs on “California dreaming” (2:1–you know, cuz she’s a speed skater…on ice…”on such a winter’s day”)
    * For what it’s worth: side plank, Mission Impossible plank for refrain, then switch sides (elbows in, Montana!)
    * Volunteers of America: bear crawl in a circle, switch to crab walk at “revolution” (once per refrain)
    * Let’s get together: Partner 1, back plank, feet on the back of Partner 2 who’s high planking, switch on refrain
    * Turn Turn Turn: wife pleasers, switch to J-Los on “Turn, Turn, Turn”, then back to wife pleasers, etc. (required some Q tweaking to even it out).

    The Pax enjoyed commentary comparing the lack of creativity in lyrics from the 50’s and early 60’s to Lil’ John’s “Turn Down for What” as well as Lil’ Cuz’s rookie realization that songs used in beatdowns are forever ruined and have to henceforth be removed from all playlists. Thankfully, most of these weren’t on any of his playlists.
    Count-off and name-off, including the naming of the FNG, which required an explanation as to how F3 names work, though Paradox wasn’t there for the standard example, so Enron had to suffice.
    Welcome to the crew, Super Fun! Excellent work, especially in having to approach a group of strange, middle-aged men standing in a circle in the dark and letting another man put his beefy, sweaty legs on your back. Looking forward to seeing you out there Saturday!
    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.
    Thanks for posting, gents! It’s an honor to be joined by you in the gloom!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • When Love Turns Violent – from Goose

    Five sore PAX and and FNG gathered in the gloom this morning to douse themselves in bug spray and uncover the “great plans” YHC had sneakily advertised the night before. After a warmup of the usual with some added hillbillies, mountain climbers, and requested grass grabbers to work out the soreness, YHC led a mosey to the start of Rich Man’s Loop (phone in hand).

    Thang 1: What’s in a Name?
    Today, Catholics celebrate the feast of the Holy Name of Mary, a chance to rejoice in the ways God showers blessings on those whom He chooses to take part in His saving work on earth. Mostly as a way to get a good many sprints in, YHC had a list of the many titles that have been given to Mary over the centuries, and the PAX had to fill in the blanks correctly or sprint to the next light post. If they got it right, it was only a mosey. YHC knew that Cardinal was on vacation, so the chances of success were low, but the PAX did surprisingly well, even those who didn’t grow up Catholic, so it really didn’t get rough until the last few posts. Yet another example of how imminent pain will jog even the most remote corners of the memory.

    Thang 2: More Enculturation
    In a repeat of last week’s structure, YHC introduced two more songs to the uncultured PAX. The first was another Irish shanty, this time about chemical plant workers, “The Chemical Workers Song,” by Great Big Sea. Plank for the duration, and merkins for every “Go”.
    The second was yet another ridiculous spoof (to follow last week’s “I Wanna Marry the Troops”), this time reaching back to some of the roots of spoof in the 70’s–we went with “Happy Boy” by the Beat Farmers, an absolutely ridiculous song that may have later set the tone for Weird Al’s career. Six-inch hold for the duration with knee tucks on every “Happy Boy”.

    Thang 2: F3 Poker
    While the PAX recovered from the brain numbing song, YHC retrieved the Deck of Death and then dealt 5 cards to each PAX. 2’s and Jokers were wild, which meant Paradox held four Jacks (including two Jokers), so his hand dictated the next 15 minutes or so of exercises. YHC decided to allow each of the Jokers to be something a little out there, so the first was 10 power merkins (partners perpendicular with partner 1’s feet on partner 2’s back). Both completed 10 merkins in unison then flapjacked.
    For the second Joker, YHC pulled out an old favorite, the Tunnel of Love. We were shocked when Paradox said he’d never done it–YHC assumed the FNG and maybe Montana would get a kick of doing it for the first time, but surely Paradox had done it before. But, his lack of experience was proven when, as YHC was recovering after all PAX had passed through the tunnel, he tried to go through again, only to receive a solid knee to the temple, UFC style. The sickening smack silenced the PAX for a brief moment, and then Goats instinctively popped up the concussion tent and asked him what his wife’s middle name was. He didn’t know, but he assured us that he’s a medical professional, he spent 10 years in school, his wife’s a doctor too, and he’s fine. So, on to the second hand.
    Goats blew away the competition with a royal straight, which started us with 25 burpees–a nice touch after the Iron Pax Challenge just a couple of days ago. YHC doesn’t remember much about what followed, just that 6:15 couldn’t get there fast enough. It did get there, though, before we could finish the hand, so all promised to do 25 dips in the car on the way home.

    Name-off (welcome Lil’ Cuz! Heck of a first workout!!), COT, and Goats prayed us out.
    It’s an honor to be part of such an awesome group of men.
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Swamp Crawlin’ – from Goose

    YHC knew that today would be tough after yesterday’s push with Cardinal to complete the Yankee-Jerf-Lee Challenge at The Stage in time to get him to say Mass without mud on his face. And, we also needed some warmup for Week 0 of the Iron Pax Challenge to be completed on Thursday morning. So, with the truck loaded with coupons, YHC moved slowly and trepidatiously (behind the usual creeping vehicles on Main Project Rd.) to Schriever Park. Simultaneously, Goats in the Machine was traveling to The Stage with dreams of sweaty brotherhood dancing in his poorly mistaken head.
    Due to the slow traffic, YHC arrived exactly at 6:00 to meet Enron and do a poor job of unloading the truck, which required a second trip through the mire to get the bug spray and the coupons. That’s when Elmer’s pulled in hot, saying something about slow cars and a snotty baby. So, warmup commenced at 6:06, which ended up being a merciful gift of providence since six more minutes may have been the death of us.

    Warmup: the usual routine, but added a never-before-seen-in-Thibodaux exercise that was a favorite on the Northshore–Good Mornings: hands behind the head, stand up straight, and bend over at the waist as far as possible before coming back up again. Fires up the lower back muscles to get them warm and flexible, for they would be much abused today.

    Thang 1: Swamp Crawlin’ and Coupon Ploppin’
    Partner Dora of the following exercises: 100 coupon thrusters while partner bear crawled the length of the fence (at the back of the tennis courts, near the playground, in the mud) and ran back; 200 coupon curls while partner bunny hopped through the mud and ran back; and 300 coupon rows while partner nurred through mud and back. Gloves and socks were muddy, and the coupons made a satisfying plop as partners flapjacked.
    The thrusters were to prepare for Thursday morning’s ridiculousness (some pre-trauma trauma), and the curls were to keep the Jerf-Lee routine strong, though Enron seems to remain completely unfazed by any and all coupon curls. Even Elmer’s, with his beefy carpenter arms, had to bow to the finance wizard’s steely biceps.
    At some point during this routine, Goats drove by honking wildly on his way to Mr. Ronnie’s (I’m assuming) after showing up to a dark and empty Stage at 6:05. (Cardinal and Yankee Joe were able to respond quickly to his GroupMe plea for help–well done, fellas.)

    Thang 2: Thunder-dome
    With very little felt energy left in the tank after the Dora (thrusters are truly the worst), YHC knew the mental battle was just getting started. Anker was activated and AC/DC echoed through the mini-Thunderdome with pounding rhythm of “Thunderstruck”. PAX instinctively started Imperial Walkers and dropped for burpees at every “Thunder”. They didn’t even have to be told–they felt it. We began to feel a number of other things as the song continued, such as the desire to tell Ozzy to shove it and just end the song already, and ideas for how to travel back in time and remove Imperial Walkers from the Exicon.

    Slow moseyed back to the flag for some Mary and to get mud on the parts of us that weren’t muddy yet. COT and Elmer’s prayed us out.

    It’s been awesome to see so much engagement and drive moving into September with the Yankee-Jerf-Lee and the Iron Pax Challenge, not to mention potential resurrection from Goats, Gordon, and the newly minted Toe Loop. Looking forward to some serious growth!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Teamwork Gumbo- Add Burpees to Taste – from Paradox

    One of the many beautiful things about F3 is that beatdowns come in all flavors. Some are slow cooked for that low heat quad burn. Some, pan fried in zoysia and leave you needing 2.5 gallons of Rouses water to lick your wounds. Others, heavy on the spice , with unknown ingredients mixed in ready to ambush you at every dollar store cone. Saturday’s beatdown needed all our pax ingredients to blend together in a synergistic gumbeaux of team building exercises
    It went a little something like this….

    Recipe for Teamwork Gumbeaux
    1 cup extra crispy Yankee Joe , variable beard length for extra masculinity
    1 oven roasted Goose , dark meat or white meat you’ll find the form impeccable
    3.18 micrograms of Spicey Enron powder (kinda like a knock off Tony Chachere’s ) to challenge the palate,- works well on slow 10 counts
    1 complaint free twice baked Perclelator , Chackbay imported only
    1 tightly wrapped Wet Tap , 10 merkins before cooking or the chest meat will be gamey
    1 Kilo of unmarked everchanging vehicles to keep the recipe fresh
    1 sprinkle of Chocolate Montana Thunder to keep the fasting glucose below 300
    1 lb of freshly chopped Piccadilly,  imported from Houma
    A dash of Coyote so we have a benchmark for speed
    A spread of Pope to keep us young and humble
    Blend all together in a roux of burpees and squatsPreheat your Peltier Park Oven to 92 , adjust to max humidity and cook for 1 hour
    Serve hot and Bone app the teeth cus it always goes down smooth

    WarmUp

    The usuals plus a few added reps while we welcomed Kilo and Montana to the fray. (T claps to Montana for his first Peltch experience)
    Got started with a Black snake Indian run with the last PAX dropping for 10 ssh.  JBL dialed up Eye of the Tiger and was thumping to keep the intensity high. PAX came out of the gate strong with speed and tenacity. Set the tone and didn’t let up. This led us to the tennis courts. 

    With a goal of solidifying pax unity before our fundraiser event YHC had some teamwork training in mind today.  First step was to identify the key pillars of an effective team then immediately put them to the test. 

    Thang 1
    Mutual respect for your teammates

    Aretha Franklin taught the boys some RESPECT
    IW on song , Squats on “just a little bit “ , Burpees on “Respect “
    Followed by a Mini ladder – 10 reps of the following exercises with descending burpees From 7
    Ranger merkins
    Elbow plank jacks
    Squats
    Peoples chair arm raises
    Easy merkins (wide)
    Carolina dry
    Terrible merkins (diamond)
    Coyote continued to challenge the land speed record for mammals and Yankee Joe kept the mumble chatter to a simmer which was his lowest possible setting. – T- claps to Goose for watching out for PAX safety on those net jumps. May have to modify those if they tighten the net. 

    Mosey to ThunderDome

    Thang 2

    Communication, Accountability and Trust
    YHC welcomed PAX to the Burpee minefield where we will build communication or suffer the consequences.
    Pax holds plank on the surrounding rectangle with scattered cones in between. 
    send one pax through blindfolded
    if he knocks over a cone , 5 squats
    Decrease time each rotation as communication improves . Goose , Montana, Wet Tap, and Coyote ran the gauntlet safely. Great teamwork and flexibility here as the PAX learned to let the next man down the line control the instructions as they are closer to the action. Penalties were minimal.

    Thang 3
    Mosey To big field For Conflict resolution training Via JBL and Anker. If you’ve been following the bayou pax backblasts you may know about this storm that’s been brewing. The feud between pax bluetooth devices has been long, bloody and flooded many well planned beatdowns with chaos. Every great team must be challenged with internal conflict. But how you respond to the conflict seperates good from great. With this lesson in mind YHC extended an olive branch to Team Anker with a goal in mind…. Pax destruction via a two headed bluetooth hydra spitting fire , thumping tubs, and striking thunder in the hearts of the pax. 

    Split into 2 teams. one to Anker, one to JBL roughly 100 yards apart
    When your team does 3 burpees run to the other song
    High knees on song
    Sprint between devices
    JBL played ACDC ,  burpees on thunderStruck
    Anker played TubThumping
    burpees on “get knocked down”

    All YHC will comment here is that an anonymous tip of Whoop data was submitted later that day with HR spikes to the 190s and unprecedented strain. 

    We put it all together with a mission to advance the kettlebell to the 100 yard cone
    All Pax in single file, pass kettle bell behind you while in al gore
    Last man takes kb and lunges to the front hands off , does 5 squats
    Every time you hand off the kb, do 5 squats. Brutal quad burn.

    Mosey back to the flag for Special Musical Mary
    With our teamwork training complete we felt like a cohesive unit , cueing up Feel so close by Calvin Harris: Alternate freddie mercuries on the chorus with wife pleasers , penguins , LBCs, big boys, flutter kicks. A great burner and the effort here was tremendous. 

    COT and Enron prayed us out 

    1 week until the SV 500!! The Stage is set and Sponsors are filled! . Check out Slack or Facebook for more info. Come see us Friday night for a burger at the Stage as well. 

    Grateful for you men and the strength we have when locking shields together
    . Thanks for the freedom to lead. 

    SYITG

     Paradox

    ◦

  • Circle of Life by Yankee Joe – from Goose

    The Circle of Life

    Recently, after acquiring his first set of progressive eyeglasses (let’s be honest…they’re trifocals), YHC had been reflecting heavily on his life journey thus far. In keeping with the melodramatic pondering that is called a “mid-life crisis,” YHC called on the wisdom of Mike Tyson.

    While exploring the pivotal issues of his day, Iron Mike once observed, “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.”

    Indeed, Michael, indeed.

    But what does this have to do with the Circle of Life? Just this…when you find yourself at the pinnacle of your life’s AS-cent, you are only moments away from biting ears and solving Scooby-Doo style mysteries on Adult Swim.

    In the depths of this brooding, the miniature Yankee Joe’s discovered “The Lion King” (the original version, of course…because I’m not a monster!) That broke YHC out of his funk and led to a more light-hearted backdrop to an otherwise dark beatdown.

    After doing a practice runthrough of said beatdown, YHC decided that cinder block coupons were not…well…safe. Thus, YHC showed up with 5 gallon jugs of water (albeit useless) handles. Paradox would later point out that there was a “sneaky psychological angle” in wanting desperately to drink the water. He did not, however, voice this concern during the beatdown as that would almost certainly be considered high-country mumblechatter. I digress.

    Notable Mentions:

    – Montana back in action. A drug dealer with tinted windows just makes this better.
    – Cardinal continues to dominate bear crawls in ways that YHC simply cannot understand and can only aspire to achieve.
    – A peace offering in which Paradox (chief lobbyist for JBL) chose to support Bosé in an awkward moment
    – Goose=Beast
    – Enron asked YHC to be his partner for the St. Vincent’s 500. YHC said yes.

    6 PAX at the Stage

    Warm-up:
    The usual suspects with some – apparently very challenging – wrist circles, then mosey around the track.

    Thang 1: Young and Hopeful

    – Absolutions (Groiner, Mahktar N’ Diayes, and Chilly Jack, done on an 8-count cadence); As always, thanks to Goose for maintaining the sanctity of the proper Exicon terminology
    – On the concrete; OYO for the duration of “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” (3 min.)
    – Real men should be able to complete 34ish reps. YHC is not a real man.

    Thang 2: You must crawl before you walk…or for that matter, before you do lunges with coupons

    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); army crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); zombie crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); bear crawl back to start; 5 big boys
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); lunges back to start; 5 big boys
    – High skips WITH coupon, 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); high skips back to start; 5 big boys
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); 5 big boys

    Thang 3: In Your Prime
    – For the duration of Hakuna Matata (3 min, 33 sec)
    – With coupon, continuing step ups on ledge in stage pavillion, alternating legs
    – With coupon, 5 squats on every Hakuna Matata

    Thang 4: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return” Gen 3:19

    Reverse Thang 2
    – Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 5 calf jumps; 5 superman raises
    – High skips WITH coupon, 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
    – Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises

    Mary’s…kinda sorta

    – WITH coupon; Assortment of what began as four ab exercises for the duration of “Circle of Life” (4 min), alternating randomly at the discretion of the Q.
    – WWII sit-ups, big boys, flutter kicks holding coupon high, obliques
    – At some point, Enron decided to point out that YHC was not transitioning in the order that it was explained. YHC then added superman raises (with coupon) and American hammers. Enron then further rebelled by not doing superman raises because he allegedly had no skin on his left knee from army crawls.

    As YHC continues to learn the ways of the Force, he must become better at explaining thangs and keeping up with Goose.

    Gents, thanks for keeping YHC in his Prime and out of the fart sack.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The Breakdown of the Human Mind – from Goose

    YHC has noticed that toward the end of particularly brutal beatdowns, even simple brain activity, like remembering your own name or age, can be a challenge. So, this morning, YHC decided to take up that challenge with a combination of a ladder routine and a memory game. (Props to Percleator for first introducing this idea).
    At 6am, YHC thought maybe this idea would have to wait for another day as I sat alone in the Schriever Park parking lot, but then Elmer’s showed up at 6:01 with all those colored hoses flapping out the back of his truck and his young brain ready to be put to the test.

    Another soggy warmup of the usuals followed by a sidewalk mosey to the bleachers where we traversed up and down in careful fashion using the following modes of transportation: crawl bear up, bear crawl down, crab walk up, walk crab down, klaw (walk backward) up, klaw down. These looked good on paper, but those bleachers are spaced awkwardly, and they’re slick when wet, so, though careful balance was practiced, the heart rate remained low.

    Moseyed the rest of the sidewalk trail to the tennis courts for Memory Fest. YHC started with one chosen exercise, then Elmer’s led that exercise followed by one of his choosing. YHC led those two, then added another, etc. The challenge was to remember each exercise in order, along with their given rep count (which varied) before adding your own to the ladder routine. The penalty for forgetting was 10 burpees, and then we’d start from scratch.
    These ladders, like all ladders, were challenging; they definitely kept the heart rate up and the sweat stamps fresh on the court. We got through two stacks, both ending with Elmer’s botching the rep count (though YHC’s mental accuracy wouldn’t have lasted much longer if he hadn’t).
    Ended with some Mary and COT where we both remembered our names after a period of reflection. It was good to have some 1:1 time with Elmer’s, and the incoming storm kept the temperature down with a nice breeze, so YHC is grateful for a great morning. Nothing like suffering through a solid beatdown with good men!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Scout it Out – from Goose

    YHC knew that in order for this particular beatdown to work, there would have to be more than just a couple of PAX in attendance, and they did not disappoint. Four was the magical number, and after a warmup of the usual, YHC led a mosey to the beginning of Rich Man’s Loop to reveal the rules of the expedition.
    While three PAX stayed put at each street light completing a given exercise AMRAP, a lone scout would sprint to the next light and back to let us know if the coast was clear (thankfully, it always was). Once the path was scouted, all PAX moseyed to the next light, and the next man up scouted while the rest pounded it out. Exercises included (but weren’t limited to: diamond merkins, jump squats, big boys, side lunges, werkins, leg raises, star jumps, gas pumps, burpees, shoulder tap merkins, mountain climbers, and others adding up to about 20 total street lights.
    Upon return, a couple of ten counts were wanted, and then the deck of death was unsheathed and shuffled. Poker was so much fun on Saturday that YHC decided to give it another go. Largest hand wins, and all exercises in that hand are completed. YHC took the first hand with triple two’s, which might sound easy, there are no easy cards in the deck of death. There are some stupid hard ones, though; every time I open the box I say a prayer that the 400m sprint remains untouched.
    Then, it was Deal or No Deal: each PAX pulled a card and could decide if we did that exercise or pulled the next one. If a second was pulled, there was no going back to the first, so it was always a gamble. No 400m sprints were chosen, so all else seemed a merciful gift in comparison (though, monkey humpers plagued us throughout with their sneaky burn).
    COT and updates on the SV500–things are coming together well with some high quality PAX registering from NOLA and the Northshore. T-claps to Paradox for all the work and leadership he’s putting in. Be prepared to play a vital role in the coming days, though–there’s much to be done! And, if you haven’t registered, don’t wait, do it right now.
    Grateful for these fellas for making these mornings so impactful!
    SYITG,
    Goose