F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • How To Bear Your Soul – from Yankee Joe

    YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.

    Warm-up
    – Side straddle hops
    – Windmills
    – OG Grassgrabbers
    – Arm circles forward
    – Arm circles backward
    – Cherry pickers
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bumper mosey

    Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.

    Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.

    So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.

    C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.

    So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.

    ————————————-
    The First Thangggg

    Paddington Bear

    As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.

    The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.

    To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.

    – One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.

    – Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.

    Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
    ————————————-
    The Second Thangggg

    Winnie the pooh

    Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
    He’s Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Willy nilly silly old bear

    Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.

    – Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
    – Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders

    Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”

    —————————————–
    The Third Thangggg

    The Yogi Bear Circuit

    Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.

    But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.

    It goes a little something like this…
    – Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
    – Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins

    Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:

    40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.

    COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.

    “Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.

    Next stop…Manniversary

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Joe

  • The Big Shamrock’s Birthday Bash – from Lil Cuz

    As I’m sure many of you are aware, today is a very special day. Today we celebrate the birth of Big Shamrock himself. AKA Hobo Master, AKA The Big Banana, AKA The Big Galactus,
    AKA Witness Protection, AKA Manny Shaq-Iaou, AKA MayorMcShaq,or more commonly
    known as Shaquille O’Neal AKA Shaq.

    Typical Warm up with the added blessing of a Cajun recipe shared by Enron that got all Pax riled up wanting to know how to make Fake Turtle Soup. Crowd went wild as he explained the intricacies of such a delicacy that most of the circle couldn’t help but dry heave as he blasted the remnants from last night across everyone’s assaulted nostrils. Mouths were open…

    Thang 1:

    Trivia Questions:
    If Correct – 34 – Freddy Mercs (2:1), or Flutter Kicks (2:1), or LBC’s (1:1)
    If Wrong – 32 Squats (1:1)

    1. What year was Shaquille O’Neal born? Incorrect

    – 1972

    2. What position was Shaq selected in the 1992 NBA Draft? Incorrect

    – Round 1; Pick 1

    3. How many NBA Championships has Shaq won? Incorrect

    – 4

    4. What is Shaq’s rap name? Correct

    – Big Diesel

    5. Name one of Diesel’s 4 album releases: Correct

    – Shaq Diesel
    – Shaq Fu: Da Return
    – You Can’t Stop the Reign
    – Respect

    6. What famous artist featured Diesel on his album titled “HIStory”? Incorrect

    – Michael Jackson

    7. How tall was Shaq by the age of 10? Correct

    – 6’ 4”

    8. What was Shaq’s free throw career percentage? Incorrect

    – 52.7%
    – FUN Fact: He once missed all 11 of his free throw attempts in a game against
    the Seattle SuperSonics on December 8, 2000, which is the current record.

    9. What is Shaq’s 3-pointer career percentage? Incorrect

    – 4.5% or 1 in 22 attempts

    10. Shaq was nominated for 3 Golden Raspberry Awards for his work in film, what was one
    of the categories nominated? Correct
    – Worst New Star
    – Worst Actor
    – Worst Supporting Actor

    Honestly expected going into this portion we would have way more ab type workouts to do and instead we did so many more squats which would prove to be detrimental once we got to Thang 3…more on that later. Enron has got his best CPA co-workers on the calculations as we got reminded this morning math is not his strong suit, and Dox sent his wife to brainstorm with the other doctors as they are all hard at work calculating the exact number of squats performed this morning. We all wait with sore quads in anticipation to know how manly our legs will be tomorrow morning upon waking up. Word is Goose has gone home to study for Kobe Bryant’s birthday to be better prepared come August. Now with our fresh knowledge that will definitely be on the test at the end of the semester, we moved into our training and competition.

    Thang 2: Cone Dribbling Drill
    1. Each Pax on a team must dribble through the cone course and return back to the team then the next pax can go.
    2. While the Pax is dribbling the rest of the team will do various workouts until Dribbling
    Pax is done.

    1. SSH (1:1)
    2. Flutter Kicks (2:1)
    3. Squats (1:1)
    4. LBCs (1:1)
    5. Al Gore (1:1)
    6. 6” Inch hold (1:1)

    Team wins when each team member has dribbled twice through the course. Winning team
    receives nothing but props for being better ball handlers than the other team. Side Note: YHC neglected to mention that this was a race until near the second lap and this probably is the reason Team 2 lost. No excuses though, Team 2 just needs to start dribbling practice for Big Shamrock’s Birthday next year. First practice is Wednesday at 9pm after kids go to bed. See you guys at the Lion’s Den. Team 1, find your own place to practice!

    Thang 3: 11’s
    Burpee (1:1)
    – Mosey with #1’s pointing to Sky to opposite Sidewalk
    Apolo Ohnos (2:1)
    – Nur Back with Hand held up like after just making 1st (and only) Career 3-
    pointer

    This portion was simply put here to make sure all the whoopers could show their strain to the rest of the world. Looking forward to those screen shots fellas. Also, all those incorrect answers and squats really piled on to make this thang increasingly difficult. The ANIMAL himself recognized another ANIMAL in his midst and I believe it was the grit and determination Cardinal showed to complete this monster of strain pushed him over the edge to be gifted the peeled back sweat covered shirt off Smooth and is Monday’s ANIMAL. (Which will be gifted on Thursday due to unforeseen conflicts for a Tuesday Tuff).

    4MOM potlock style with Goose throwing in the crowd favorite Dr. W’s and Dox finishing us
    off with his ever famous Dolphin Hops. Gotta love em! (Cuz we do them so much).

    COT and Paradox prayed us out!
    Great Birthday celebration today fellas, and thanks for putting up with Enron’s fake turtle soup recipe long enough to get through another beatdown.

    SYITG,

    Lil’ Cuz, AKA Cuz Master, AKA The Big CUZ, AKA, Manny Cuz-Iaou, AKA MayerMcCuz,
    or more commonly known as Cuz.

  • Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose

    Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
    We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
    To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
    The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
    At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
    Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
    SYITG, Pope

  • A Lion, A Partnership, and a Tank Top: A Short Story – from Yankee Joe

    Seven PAX showed at the Lion’s Den, which was a nice surprise. The night before, YHC had shared a pre-blast with his M, and she responded with something like, “This is why you have difficulty making friends.” Ouch. But, she’s kinda right.

    The idea was inspired by Goose’s Burpee Time(r) beatdown the Tuesday Tuff prior. In that beatdown, PAX rotated through a variety of exercises for the duration of however long it took one PAX to complete 20 burpees. Though grueling, YHC noticed how much more eager he was to push through the pain of 20 burpees when other PAX’s suffering was hanging in the balance. So YHC attempted to take that “leave no PAX behind” commitment to partner commitments. In this episode of “we’re not medical or even fitness professionals,” Partner 2 would work through a combined 15 minutes of elbow plank work, while Partner 1 (the Timer) worked through sets of varying stupidity.

    Ok, so my way of making friends looks different. But is it effective? Well, probably not. Regardless, YHC was happy to see Fence Post who has started to become a mainstay of the Thursday Lion’s Den. In the mold of Lil’ Cuz, his quiet, methodical movements through a beatdown inspire a sense of deep respect. His sheer strength is still unnerving. YHC can’t wait to see him in action come Iron Pax. Part of the reason the Lion’s Den came into being was to be closer to Chackbay. As the Cardinal flies, it is only a few miles. That said, Cardinal does not fly, and he showed up “on time” in the same way crawling “backward is forward” for a crab. Goats in the Machine apparently wants to be a crab too, though he probably still thinks beatdowns start at 5:30 and not 5:15. But the man keeps showing up, and that’s all that matters. Enron made his appearance in an unpredictably good mood. Erich the Great aka Ragnar aka Tana showed sporting his newly acquired six pack abs courtesy of F3. Goose showed up wearing a tank top reading ANIMAL on the front. Enron somehow said nothing about it. I’ll get to that in a bit.

    Warm-up 5:15 – 5:25
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Knoxville cherry pickers 15 ct
    Mountain climbers 10 ct
    Mosey around civic center

    The Thangggg 5:27 – 6:00
    Partner up; Start on embankment in front of civic center
    P1 exercise represents the timer for each station
    P2 exercise happens simultaneously until P1 has finished
    P1 & P2 bear crawl between each station
    At end of circuit, P1 & P2 flapjack, then work their way back through stations
    Mosey around civic center between rounds

    Circuit Round 1
    Station 1
    P1 does 25 decline groiners on embankment
    P2 does decline peter parker merkins on embankment
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 15 yards to Station 2

    Station 2
    P1 does 25 monkey humpers
    P2 does chilcutt peter parkers
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 3

    Station 3
    P1 does 25 burpees
    P2 does J-Flecks (J-Lo both sides, then pickle pounder)
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 4

    Station 4
    P1 does 25 coupon thrusters
    P2 does dancing chilcutts

    When P1 finished, partners flapjack and work back through stations

    Mosey around civic center

    Circuit Round 2: Rinse and Repeat
    Mosey around civic center

    2MOM
    Leg lifts
    Freddie Mercury’s 2:1
    Pulsing Supermans? (Goose called them Lois Lanes, so now that is what F3 Thibodaux will call them.)

    After namarama, Goose explained the tank top. YHC couldn’t help saying an internal prayer of gratitude. Had Goose meant to wear it without any explanation, our friendship would have been examined more carefully. In the end, Goose, always thinking about how to serve the PAX, announced (mandated, commanded) that after each beatdown the ANIMAL tank top would be bestowed upon the PAX that most exemplified the nature of an animal.

    Or maybe it was the PAX that most sounded like an animal? Maybe it was the PAX that best blew ass like an animal? What constitutes the definition of a “beatdown ANIMAL” is still unclear. In Enron’s case, perhaps it represents the PAX that taunts the Form Police most like an animal. But again, I have no clear evidence.

    COT and Cardinal reminded YHC he needed to pick someone to pray. Thus, Cardinal prayed us out.

    Always grateful for each of you and your willingness to push through to your inner animal.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • It’s Burpee Time(r) Again! – from Goose

    YHC showed up tired, mostly because it was the morning after a late night planning session that seemed awesome before crawling into bed and not so awesome while tying shoes this morning in the dark (we’ll call it the “Pre-Q Dread”). After a slow warmup of the usual with 5 total PAX, YHC led us on a nice, slow bumper mosey to further delay the inevitable.

    YHC knew that despite a challenging Saturday and Monday, Tuesday Tuff has to live up to its name or YHC might lose his edge. So, no time for a pity party, it was Burpee Time(r) Again!

    Four PAX lined up and spread out facing the stage on the concrete along the curved grass line waiting for instructions. While one man did 20 burpees in the middle, each other man would do AMRAP the exercise assigned to his spot. So, each guy would do a different exercise nonstop until the guy in the middle finished 20 burpees, hence the “burpee timer.” Once the burpees are done, the men rotate to the next station and remind the guy behind him what exercise he’s about to have to do. Communication was key…Actually, it wasn’t. There were only five stations, and it was pretty obvious what the guy ahead of you was doing, mostly because of the shape of the sweat stamp on the concrete.

    Round 1 exercise stations (done while middle guy is completing 20 burpees):
    -merkins
    -coupon curls
    -squats
    -Peter Parkers

    Round 2:
    -BBSU
    -coupon swings
    -lunges (back then forward with same leg before switching)
    -Imperial Walkers

    Round 3:
    -Freddy Mercurys
    -coupon rows
    -Apolo Onos
    -freak nasties on the picnic bench

    Round 4:
    -crab cakes (Crabby Patties, according to Tana)
    -coupon LBC’s
    -flutter kicks
    -SSH

    6:00 came almost all the way through the fourth round, though time was a bit of an illusion this morning. It felt like each guy took about seven minutes to complete his burpees, though it was probably less than two. And the stretch from 5:56 to 6:00 crept on for about 15 minutes, and I think it actually stopped once or twice.
    The chatter was at an all time low this morning, though a few guys likely had to check their pants when they got home given the quality of sounds that were communicated once things really got moving.

    T-claps to these men for pushing hard through this one and not giving into the instinct (or peer pressure) to take a breath before starting those burpees. As mentioned during the COT, F3 is supposed to constantly push me and give me concrete experiences that make it clear that I still have a long way to go, while at the same time giving the reward of deep brotherhood that comes from shared suffering.
    If we ever feel like “we’ve arrived”, we’re doing it wrong, but if we ever feel left behind, we’re also doing it wrong. We’re in this together for the long haul, and we’re also growing and improving immensely with every single beatdown!

    Announcements and Tana prayed us out (sorry, Smooth, I forgot!)

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • SPORTSman Paradise VQ – from Superfun(d)

    YHC showed up at 4:55 to be the first one at his VQ since he usually shows up 2 minutes before to maximize his sleep. All behold, French Horn swoops in right before YHC like he’s preparing for Yankee Jeaux’s final. T-claps for him for his dedication and time he spends with his mentor. While sitting there waiting for more PAX to arrive, a douche wagon pulls up even with me but on the highway, the bald-headed man nonchalantly backs up to the entrance thinking no one is watching. A strong PAX of 12 showed up on this warm humid morning to witness my VQ.

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Arm Circles (Front and back), Cherry Pickers, Self Love, Grass Grabbers with the clap

    Moseyed to the BB court. YHC jokingly wanted to have his VQ at Schneider Park for home field advantage. The park has the football and baseball field, but a while back, they demolished the tennis/basketball court. So the PAX was going to take a mosey down Chackbay until we found someone’s house to play BB.

    Thang 1: Basketball (Gotcha )
    – Chatter from the PAX(Paradox) murmured that they called it “Put Out” in the North. Well ole friend, this is bayou country, anything south of I-10 is Gotcha, Yankee! Knowing the PAX is very competitive, I made sure that the two basketballs were the same size with exactly 7 PSI each so I would hear no complaining. Once you were out, SSH until the game was over. Winner gets to pick the punishment exercise for the PAX for a 10 count. Knowing the Lions Den always had a double rim, I was waiting for some good laughs. Not thinking that 12 PAX would show up, the game lasted longer than expected. Eventually Paradox battled out Lil Cuz and became the victor. Paradox graciously gave out 10 burpees to the rest of the PAX. There was going to be round 2 but didn’t want to run out of time. Moseyed to baseball field.

    Thang 2: Football (11s)
    – Started with 1 squat, karaoke from the edge of the infield until the outfield fence (switch direction on each round), 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) then Nur back. Repeat. Moseyed to home plate.

    Thang 3: Baseball
    – The PAX split into two teams. This exercise was timed. One member at a time would run the bases until they got to home plate, then the second teammate would start and so on. Here’s the catch, each base had its own exercise to complete. 1st base: 10 merkins, 2nd base: 10 BBSU, 3rd base: 10 Toy Soldiers (1:1), then run home to tag next teammate. Team 1 would go first while Team 2 would plank the whole duration then vice versa. Team 1 edged out Team 2 with a time of 5:11 to 5:38. Team 2 graciously gave Team 1 15 burpees while they effortlessly did 15 imperial walkers. Moseyed back.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thank y’all for coming out to support my VQ. The fitness, fellowship, and faith is powerful in our group, and I greatly appreciate the F3 Thib PAX.

    Until next year,
    Superfun(d)

  • DJ DOD volume 3: Fat Tuesday Tuff – from Paradox

    A good beatdown can originate from many sources. Some days we sharpen iron, others we honor feasts. Sometimes a theme may be in order or maybe just a hodgepodge of track induced pain (yea Goose , we still salty).
    A few days ago after YHCc’s 3rd lifetime Mardi Gras parade, so many F3 worthy songs were heard that there remained only one course of action. A text to my DJ DOD counter part that it was time for volume 3. The supply of Mardi Gras jamz was high and the pax demand for fun on Fat Tuesday even higher. If only we had a professor of marketing (who is also a self proclaimed traditional NOLA Mardi Gras expert ) to guide us. Well maybe one day, I guess it’s next man up. So we dusted off the deck of death and two north La rednecks shouldered the burden of what became Fat Tuesday Tuff.
    Pit Boss Ronnie set the tone early with a pair of seizure shades and several parade props to distribute amongst the Pax. 4 more pax saddled up and we let the good times roll! ( it’s a traditional Nola greeting , look it up )

    Duke ! Get the bean footage!

    Warmup
    Ronnie led standard warmup
    While YHCc was adding increasing burpees between each warmup. Goose saw the tactic immediately and looked like he smelled a dead animal carcass in the bayou while Cuz begged for more than 1 each round because he wore his scuba shorts for extra sweat.

    The Twerkin Mile
    A twist on a TT classic to get the core fully activated.
    Standard Merkin mile course with four stops for :
    20 leg raises
    40 big boys
    60 gas pumps
    80 flutter kicks (2:1)

    This is where the chatter picked up and we were introduced to an entire new segment called the Tana Tumbler. Here’s how it works . During a group run you introduce a topic to Tana and he will run with it while introducing new topics on top of it until we are all in stitches. In this very manner we covered Scientology , The great hot sauce debate, what the Superman move actually means and even post BD he couldn’t be stopped and gave us a history of pre-ATT devices. We have our beatdown fact checkers working overtime and will give a full report on percent accuracy of the Tana Tumbler claims.

    Back to the flag for some DJ DOD

    Song #1
    Mardi Gras Day
    Boat hold into Superman on all “mardi gras days”
    YHCc kept feeling like a beached whale and in retrospect we might need to do this in the grass or maybe never again.

    DOD
    Special Mardi gras edition
    Ronnie will throw the cards up in the air and if you catch multiple you get to pick which exercise .

    Goose started with a great strategy to “breadbasket “ the cards and gifted us 100 calf raises
    Wet Tap gave us 14 Carolina dry docks and several excuses as to why he wasn’t a wide receiver.

    Song 2
    YHCc stressed again that we would stick to Traditional NOLA Mardi Gras music so we went for an old timer classic…
    Silentos “Whip and Nae Nae “ -hold plank
    Whip -merkins
    Nae Nae -side reach
    Stanky leg -lift leg
    Break yo leg – MC

    Still not sure I wanna know what a Superman is.

    DOD
    Tana brought us 9 ranger merkins and Cuz caught some high flutter kicks that were particularly nasty .

    Song 3
    Saints go marching in
    Bearcrawl /crawlBear to first picnic table
    Dolphin hop on Saints
    Silence followed by grumbling, ahhhh sweet music to my ears.

    DOD
    YHCc caught zero cards , blamed the wind and we did 60 2 is 1 Freddy mercuries. Lil Cuz has not fully learned to translate YHCc’s slurred speech and began to dutifully pound out 60 Freddy Merkins. Love that attitude cuz. Bonus Merkins with a smile will always get T claps at F3 thib.

    Ronnie was last, caught two cards with his hands and one on with his chest sweat (like a real man) and we rounded out with 20 low and slow squats.

    Song 4
    Carnival Time Finisher
    Burpees on carnival , SSH on rest

    COT and Wet Tap prayed us out .

    Had an absolute blast out there in the gloom today fellas. Special thanks to Ronnie for all the props and for willingly looking like a crazy person with me.

    SYITG
    DJ Texaco Cat

  • We Did This to Ourselves – from Yankee Joe

    This past Saturday during Goose’s ‘Ha-quartermile-matata’ beatdown, YHC expected football games and shenanigans in five-yard increments. Instead, he experienced a darkness, nay a hopelessness that hadn’t been seen since Paradox’s “Teamwork Gumbo- Add Burpees to Taste” beatdown back in August.

    Cardinal described the experience perfectly, moving through the range of emotions from hope to confusion to darkness to disgust with Goose to owning the pain. During a similar past experience, Enron had simply asked Goose, “Who hurt you?” Wet Tap provided the pivotal insight we all needed by describing Goose’s rebirth and remaking each spring. The explanation stirs images crossing between that scene in Alien and a large bald bird in the process of molting. In fact, molting simply means shedding old feathers, hair, skin, etc. to make room for growth. I suppose in this case, the hair never grew back.

    It is in this mindset that YHC considered Monday’s beatdown. He was very fortunate to have his cousin, Mullet, DR’ing from The Branch AO in Houston, so of course, the pressure was on. With 60 degrees and nine PAX, we delved into some over-active recovery mixed with some festive tunes to celebrate Mardi Gras and the onset of the Lenten season.

    ————————————–
    Waramarama was normal in both exercises and YHC’s odd struggle with remembering the order of cadence. This only opened a huge, massive, enormous door for Paradox and Enron mumblechatter. Like sharks to blood in the water. No mercy.

    We covered a lot of ground, the most important of which included deep wisdom from Homer. No, not that Homer. Homer HIgh School…Alma Mater of our very own Paradox…home of the mighty Pelicans and the recipients of an impressive Google review of 3.4 out of 5.0 on their website. It’s nice Clark. Real niiice. (I’m not even sure he went there, but who cares, right?)

    We finished with throw me somethin’ mistas and after watching Montana’s shimmying, YHC was forced to accept that the beatdown was already off the rails. The rest of the mernin’ would run in similar fashion. Like a middle school boy, who during the first hour of an 8-hour field trip, tried to be funny and rip ass on one of his friends. However, he got far more than he bargained for. There are no bathrooms to be found on a bluebird school bus. There are no bathrooms to be found at Lake Kissimmee State Park visiting the pioneer cabins. So all a fourth grade Joe can do is walk bowlegged and hope for the best. YHC has never been caught without doo doo pills for any trip longer than 30 minutes since.

    ———————————-
    Warm-up song – Mardi Gras Mambo
    – Shoulder taps for duration of the song
    – Merkin on “Mardi Gras” and “mambo”
    – 49 merkins

    Mumblechatter decreased significantly, but the PAX’ confidence was still a bit too high. Based on some observations from this past Saturday, YHC saw things that he couldn’t unsee. What was so repulsive? GABF or Generally Accepted Burpee Form. We needed to get back to basics, so we deconstructed the burpee mechanics. YHC felt something sting on the back of his neck…was it Cardinal staring daggers?

    Thang 1: Breaking The Pax Down
    Deconstructed burpees (55 squats; 55 groiners; 55 merks, 100 yds bearcrawl)

    – 10 squats
    – 10 groiners
    – 10 merkins
    – Bear crawl to next marker
    (Decrease by 1 each rep until 1 each)
    – Finish with 10 burpees

    ———————————–
    The problem according to Goose – as he told YHC this past Saturday – is that “you’re weak.” Maybe even lazy. The only way to fix this affliction is through our good friend, Dora. To be honest, she’s a bit of a hack. Map and Backpack do all the heavy lifting. And now that I think about it, Swiper reminds me of Paradox. Paradox, stop doctoring. Paradox, stop doctoring. YHC asked if there were any questions. Enron responded with something, it was not fully audible. I don’t think it was a shout out.

    Thang 2: Lazy Doras

    Partner up. Partners perform 200 Merkins, 400 squats, & 600 LBCs as a team. Here’s the catch…no running.

    – P1 starts with 20 Merkins while P2 elbow planks, then switch. Continue switching between Merkins and plank until 100 total Merkins reached.

    – P1 does 40 squats, P2 performs Al Gore until P1 is finished, then switch. Continue switching until all 400 squats are completed.

    – P1 does 60 LBCs while P2 does 6″ leg hold, then switch. Continue switching until 600 total LBCs are completed.

    We barely finished the second round of squats. It is probably for the best. Had the Form Police been at the scene one set of PAX would have been hauled off to jail. In retrospect, based on their Juvenile interpretive dancing, Cardinal, Tana, and Lil’ Cuz almost backed their thangs up into purgatory.

    As you can imagine, YHC had to say something. As you can imagine Lil’ Cuz and Cardinal tore YHC to shreds. It got ugly, but not as ugly as watching Tana’s Al Gore pose from the backside.

    On a brighter note, Paradiddle is a straight up beast. He barely broke a sweat during Goose’s PMS beatdown and this morning, hung out in Al Gore, but the hard way with legs splayed wide and toes pointed out. In some circles, this is called the goddess squat and it makes Al Gore feel like a comfy heated toilet seat.

    YHC called time with five minutes remaining and shifted to our close out song.

    Mary Song – Hey Pocky A-Way (The Meters)

    – Hold elbow plank for duration of song
    – Pickle pounder on every “way” or “hey”
    – 66 pickle pounders

    The chatter subsided and the badassery resumed.

    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Don’t let the snark fool you. We all love and are exceedingly grateful for the molting process.

  • Ha-quartermile-matata – from Goose

    It was a frigid morning as YHC pulled in much earlier than normal due to a lack of 2.0’s and the need to place a marker board by the track without being seen. I didn’t want the PAX to see it before it was time–no need to ruin a beautiful morning sooner than necessary. YHC expected to sit in a warm truck for at least a few minutes before Paradox would inevitably break the solitude with the beginnings of a solid hour of chatter. But, not this morning–Smooth Operator pulled in just a few seconds behind YHC with two young 2.0’s in a blanketed wagon. Jack Be Nimble and Tractor jumped out into the frigid morning ready to rock, showing the same joyful readiness as big Smooth. As more PAX rolled in (including Major Brat!), there was still no sign of Paradox, and YHC began to wonder if he had slipped in an announcement of being out of town at the end of Thursday’s beatdown (brain function tends to leak out with the steam coming off YHC’s head). But, he pulled in with two minutes to spare and Enron right behind him looking like he wanted to fight–Enron was smiling, but road rage was in his eyes as it seemed the usual competitive jostling had started on the way to the beatdown.

    The much needed warmup began with the usuals plus some Willie Mays Hayes for the cold, tight lower backs. Then, we moseyed to the track/field to reveal contents of the board. The Quarter Mile Ladder was the title under which was written a list of exercises. At first, the PAX thought we’d have an enjoyable opportunity to log some miles and some quality time, assuming that we were going to be doing one exercise at a time with a leisurely lap between each. Wouldn’t that be nice. For our wives.

    No, that’s not how a ladder works. We’d start with the first exercise, 5 burpees, followed by a lap (quarter mile), then add the next, so 5 burpees and 10 merkins, followed by a lap. Then, 5 burpees, 10 merkins, and 15 lunges (2:1) followed by a lap, ultimately working our way up to 10 total exercises followed by a tenth lap. Here’s the list:
    5 burpees
    10 merkins
    15 lunges (2:1)
    20 mountain climbers (2:1)
    25 Freddy Mercs
    30 squats
    35 Peter Parkers (1:1)
    40 Big Boy Situps
    45 Side Straddle Hops
    50 Shoulder Taps (1:1)

    When YHC saw Paradiddle pull in (on Bourg time), I knew this one would be right up his alley, so I was happy to sidle up next to him on the first lap and stay in pace for the duration. Running seems as easy as breathing for him, so YHC knew I’d be pushed but also be distracted from the drudgery by some solid conversation. It was clear that many of the PAX had entered a dark place after the first lap or so, so YHC suggested pacing with a partner, which seemed to give a few guys a shot in the arm. But, nothing could’ve boosted the morale more effectively than a spontaneous serenade from Tractor. Smooth had been hauling the two boys around the track in the luxury wagon for about 30 minutes to a constant stream of encouraging/shaming shouts of “Come on, Dad! You can do it! Push harder! COME ON! You’re taking forever! What’s wrong with you?” And, while waiting for super-dad to finish his Peter Parkers, Tractor started belting out “Hakuna Matata” (or something close enough to that), and the cute innocence combined with the irony of hearing a bunch of grown men singing along, “it means no worries…” as they fought for breath and poured their sweat (and blood–Paradox) into the track, deeply dreading the next lap, couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. It was incredible, and it likely kept a number of the guys from spiraling into a deep, dark solitude.
    YHC was initially worried about finishing too early, but instead found that I was yearning for 7:30 to provide sweet relief. It seemed, however, that the ladder was crafted a little too perfectly, and YHC rolled into the last turn with nothing left in the tank and seconds left on the clock. The rest of the PAX came flying in and collapsed, breathless but grateful to have finished what looked at first to be an extremely unattractive exercise routine.

    The brotherhood, as we slow moseyed back to the flag carrying layers of clothing, was deeply felt, wrought by a unique experience of mutual suffering on a cold but beautiful morning. Providentially, this was also the morning Yankee Joe thought to bring the fixings of a solid coffeeteria, so we were gratefully able to remain in it for a while after COT. Even YHC partook of the enslaving brew, raising an insulated cup to this awesome fraternity forged in the fires of pain, humility, gratitude, and accomplishment.

    Announcements included some ideas for an amazing Northshore convergence in April–stay tuned for more details, but we’re definitely gonna clown car up there for it if the date works.

    Thanks, again, for the push and the camaraderie this morning, fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • 90s Kid – from Paradox

    The years 1990 to 2000 saw YHC grow from age 2 to 12. These were the meat and potatoes of my childhood , which places me for better or worse, solidly in the realm of a 90s kid. You would be correct in thinking that going from diapers to scamming knockoff Surge cans on the verge of Y2K is quite a formative leap. Yet just as Yankee Joe describes his LSD years in the 80s, I still find the vibe of the 90s hard to describe. Grunge rock, beany babies , JNCO jeans, TGIF, asking your parents why Bill Clinton always looks nervous on TV…A weird time to be sure. Just a certain feel you get when looking back with those nostalgia glasses on ya know? But is there a better way to distill the essence of a time period than a 45 minute peer led outdoor men’s workout ???

    No says I!

    Roll the footage Duke !!

    7 PAX strolled into the Lions Den unknowingly about to be blindsided by a dump truck of 90s nostalgia.

    WarmUp
    The usuals plus some “throw me something misters “ to help us with his PTSD from Sundays Shaka parade. I know those weren’t “little chocolates” on that necklace Tana but we’ll get through this together. YHC thought the chatter was …dare I say ..absent. Leading to self reflection that I must be the chatter problem . Fortunately I stood corrected shortly after I Added some experimental Tae Baos to prep the pax for the 90s theme and well …let’s check the chatter comment section:

    Goose : Dumbest thing you have ever done
    Enron: please never again
    Cuz: why did he say vhs/dvd ?
    Cardinal : I’m just going to pray Billy Blanks doesn’t see this blast
    YJ : this is a disgrace to the 90s
    Smooth: I’m silently thinking this is less than optimal. Should have Rucked 17 miles instead.

    Ahhh that’s better, now I feel at home

    5 star reviews across the board !

    Long Run Cajun Mosey to Bball court where we discussed the definition of a 90s kid and learned about financial advisor blood feuds.

    We started our 90s tribute with the eras Greatest dance craze mixed with the inventor of the internet.

    “Macarena” by Los del Rios
    Al gore while doing the Macarena.
    Squat on Macarena
    Bobby Hurley 360 jump on Hey Macarena.

    Goose gave us the official dance and Enron has clearly been using those Valentine’s Day dance lessons and was displaying some unusual coordination. lil cuz on the other hand looked like he had a high dose muscle relaxer on an empty stomach but the effort was there.

    Thang 1

    Blockbuster Trivia
    Always be kind and rewind

    Was there anything more 90s than walking into a blockbuster and having the entertainment world at your fingertips. The very foundations of my negotiating skills were laid down when my parents said we get 1 rental …between 4 kids. To honor this forgotten institution and the treasure trove of 90s entertainment YHC mixed some backwards exercises with high risk trivia . Really felt the chatter love crank up here as questions were scrutinized and unruly pax were simply asked to get stronger or leave. We depended heavily on our elder statesmen team of YJ and goose to go 7/10 on trivia . Well done , questions below for the fartsackers.

    If correct sprint/nur full court
    If incorrect bear crawl/crawl bear half court. Followed by exercise.

    1. What year did Forest gump come out? 1994
    20/40 merkins

    2 . What was the highest grossing film of the 90s?
    Titanic
    30/60 Flutter Kicks (2 is 1)

    3. 1997 film with with John malcovich , Nicolas cage, John cusak – Con Air – 10/20 7/14 Airplanes

    4. Which popular 90s child star voiced Simba in the Lion King- Jonathan Taylor Thomas . 40/80 Mountain climbers
    5. How old was Notorious BIG, aka biggie smalls when he was murdered? 24 – 12/24 merkins
    6. Mcauley Caulkin became the first child start to make $1million in this 90s classic ?
    My Girl
    10/20 Carolina dry docks

    7. The tamagotchi angel was one of the highest selling toys of the 90s. Tamagotchi is a japanese combination of what two words?
    Egg and Friend

    10/20 Aussie Sweat Angles

    8. How many champions chips did the bulls win in the 90s?
    10 burpees if correct , 20 if wrong

    9. The USA men’s basketball team known as the dream team won the Olympics in what year ?
    1992

    10. Minimum wage for 7 of the 10 years of the 90s was?
    $4.25
    4 corners 10/ wide, Reg, ranger , diamond Merkin . (20 if wrong )

    The Buddy System

    If anything was drilled into my 90s childhood brain more than quicksand rescue it was the use of the buddy system. From scouting trips to summer camp , the buddy system was the fool proof method to survive life’s harrowing adventures. Well if it ain’t broke, YHC won’t fix it !

    The Buddy System
    Rules :
    Partner Up
    Sprint length of the court together and in flora format complete 90 of exercise (up to you as a team to divide according to your strength) , sprint back and plank up in order and present your buddy alive and well.

    I think this can be a regular occurrence but ran low on time for extra rounds.
    YJ and Goose took first place and continue to rep our north 40 club with grace and advanced cardio.

    The Final Boss

    YHC spent large portions of the 90s conquering Nintendo villains and preparing for life’s final bosses. YHC took a moment to prepare the PAX that we were going to a dark place called 90s one hit wonders. We would need to draw on a deep well of courage to slay this particular one hit wonder dragon. The pax gladiators stood ready …Then YHC opened the gate and JBL unleashed …

    1997’s ultra one hit wonder Hansons “Mmmm Bop
    Burpees on all versions of “bop, dop, pop” , IW on rest.

    Mosey/Sprint back to Aslan(d)
    COT and Goose prayed us out

    In the summer of 1997 I was tasked to complete a summer writing project with the assignment of “ an adventure story”. As you would guess I wasn’t in love with the idea of being pulled away from the OJ trial to do busy work. Buttt against my will I discovered I didn’t mind writing and YHC cranked out the manuscript for “Danger Island “ (killer title right? Well, I was 9 so check yourself)

    It was a classic thrill ride adventure of a boy and his friends in a dark cave battling a mysterious large reptile that picked them off one by one. In the end , it was only defeated by combining their brains and brawn!

    Were agents blowing up the house phone with book deals? Strangely, no.
    Did it look eerily similar to the plot of the 1997 hit Anaconda ? Yes. Yes it did. But let’s focus on what’s important here.

    While reminiscing about my childhood in the 90s and the novella that was Danger Island I could see parallels in life then and now.

    I’ll tell you truth men, most days I’m still standing in that gloom filled cave.

    Knowing the darkness is ever present .

    Knowing that reptile is still prowling and seeking our ruin.

    Knowing it’s Impossible to defeat alone.

    But also knowing the only way out is together, by following our one true source of Light.

    We are tasked to be the Light of the world and F3 helps remind me that we can always shine a little brighter when we know there are others ready to stand beside us in the darkness.

    It was privilege to lead.

    SYITG
    PDox