F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • The Emperor’s New Clothes – from Goose

    Before a trip to Goodwill, family and friends will often make a stop by the Dawson house since we have kids of pretty much every size (male and female), so getting a bag of gently used clothes is a relatively frequent occurrence. And, since the decision to utilize the Animal shirt a couple of months ago, YHC doesn’t leave the pile of unwanted clothes destined for the actual thrift store to leave the house without choosing one or two items that might make their way into the F3 Thibodaux structure (or just derail a Q or two).
    For this morning’s Tuesday Tuff beatdown, YHC, the newly crowned King FartSack, chose some form-fitting leggings with a stylish black and gray brushstroke design along with an open concept, black and white striped tank top with knotted straps to highlight the clavicles. A post-beatdown review of this ensemble will be given later in the backblast.

    Warmups of the usual followed by a bumper mosey, then Paradox revealed that he firmly resolved to keep the aquamarine Euro tank top well lodged within the structure of F3 Thibodaux by taking off his jacket. He was wearing said tank top and had stenciled both the front and back with his/Enron’s overactive F3 stencil. I felt known, appreciated, and no longer alone on this weird journey. Bug spray was needed for all the exposed flesh.

    The first Thang was two laps around the track:
    1. Bear crawl across in front of the stage, side shuffle up to the other end, bear crawl across back toward the parking lot, and side shuffle back to start.
    2. Same, but carioca instead of side shuffle.
    (YHC remained in front so the PAX might appreciate the functionality of the leggings.)

    After stopping for a needed 10-count, we moseyed to the start of Rich Man’s Loop for a classic Fartlek–jog three light posts, sprint one. Smooth, again, showed the fruits of posting multiple times a week and the wisdom learned from the Northshore legends over the weekend. (And, FYI: sprinting with just leggings was awesome–like the ancient Olympics, but without the thigh friction.)

    The last thang was a repeat of the burpee timer from a couple of months ago. While one man did 15 burpees, station 1 did non-stop(ish) monkey humpers, station 2 did merkins, and station 3 did wife pleasers. After all four PAX did burpees, we moved on to round two where station 1 was mountain climbers, station 2 was jump squats, and station three was gas pumps.
    With only four men, this ended about five minutes sooner than expected, so YHC ran to the truck to retrieve the Deck of Death for a round of F3 poker. Enron won the hand with three nines, so we completed the exercises on his five cards (100 flutters, 19 Chuck Norris merkins, 90 second plank, 19 high knees, and another bear crawl across the front of the stage).

    With three minutes remaining for Mary, we burnt out whatever remained in the upper abs with a lot of crunchy frogs, heels to heaven, and slow penguins.

    COT with some solid prayer intentions (especially for a big week for Enron and YJ) and Paradox prayed us out.

    Clothing review:
    Shirt–mix of Richard Simmons, Gene Simmons, and a mime from the 70’s. Only difference from being shirtless was the thin layer of protective cloth during Mary.
    Leggings–high rating on functionality, but as Thibodaux lies neither on the East Coast nor the West Coast, they will find their way back into the bag. (Also, if the shirt front hadn’t been as long as it was, we would have definitely been moving into new territory as an F3 community.)

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Attitude Determines Altitude – from Paradox

    YHC touched down at a crisp cool Den today with a single mission: Prepare the PAX for one of modern man’s most grueling mental and physical battles.

    An ultramarathon you say ?
    No , that’s fun …I guess..enjoy your 120.0 bumpersticker bro

    Surely it’s The Iditarod then??psssshh Child’s play and the dogs get all the cardio anyway.

    But wait …Swimming the English Channel? …yea sure that’s cute. My grancy used to do water aerobics too.

    No men , this grueling cauldron of chaos is not for the faint of heart. Today it is YHCs privilege to prepare the pax for …(dramatic pause) ….
    ….taking your family to the airport …there were audible gasps from the Pax as we had to fan Goose back to life after he fainted thinking about 11 suitcases in the van of power but we would soon find out the syncope was actually related to wardrobe vascular constriction.

    So the peanuts were fresh , the runway was clear and if you are getting nauseated by airport puns then you better get the Dramamine baby cus this little Cessna is just getting warmed up!

    Duke! Get your boarding pass
    It’s time for the bean footage!! (TM)

    Warm Up
    Standard issue where we discussed the NYT article about pickleball injuries being the leading cause of F3 fartsacks. Hope our F3 brothers can get some help soon. The first step is knowing you have a problem.

    Thang 1

    As with most fruitful endeavors, the real work starts in the home. When your wife sends you to the attic to get the luggage while she crams shoes into vacuum bags.

    We rifle carried over to the steps where YHC delivered a brief monologue enjoyed by all except the king of monologue’s. We want name him but he looked as if YHC was his 4th job applicant of the day who said “my greatest weakness is having no weakness”.
    Pure disgust from the professor.
    It fuels me.

    Packing luggage
    P1 100 thrusters/squats
    P2 takes coupon over stairs and back in rifle carry
    FencePost is a coupon thruster machine.

    Thrusters really got those propellers spinning and we were halfway through a second ten count when Goose took off his hoodie and changed F3 Thibodaux forever. YHC did an actual double take as my first glance revealed Goose was covered in turquoise body paint. Closer examination revealed a women’s extra small tank top with a euro strip in the back for full trap flex. Silence descended as the backstory unfolded. Our fearless leader had wrestled this item away from his M and 2.0s to better serve the pax after the recent demise of Animal shirt 1.0.
    It’s this brand of tenacity that allows Goose to lead this pirate ship with wreck-less abandon. (How he went 17 minutes with a straight face boggles my mind. )

    YHC tried to recover the blackbox flight plan after this crash but I’d be lying if I wasn’t sneaking peaks at the absolute unit turquoise pectoral muscles across from me. Away from me temptress!

    Alight alright , focus …this is what we trained for.

    Sooooo now You have the 12 year old gmc Acadia busting to the gills with luggage and half eaten cinnamon rolls. You give the ole girl two pats on the hood, she coughs to life and you try to remember when you got new tires, 2017? we’ll be ok. It’s time to head to the danger zone.

    Thang 2 ..the Danger Zone
    Side Block Hops
    Increasing block merkins (irkins ) on Danger zone
    Full disclosure I had no idea there were that many “Dangers “ and this got out of hand fast so I had to pull the plug. Can’t win them all.

    Next you arrive at the parking garage and hustle the short term lot for long term pricing (pro tip from money market Ronnie!)

    TSA final boss

    Conveyor belt race
    2 teams
    Plank side to side pull coupon under backwards when it passes pax does 5 plank jacks. Team Delta took the title with a plank Jack strategy that YJ figured out too late and Im sure there will be a Council of Jeaux about this slight very soon.

    Now you get to your Gate and have 2 hours to kill because that TSA precheck ultra boost double clear (Ronnie did it again!) got you through TSA in a flash so it’s time to impress your family with aviation trivia.

    Head for the hill in front of civic center.
    Right answer lunge to and Back
    Wrong answer , coupon lunge

    1. This American aviator made the worlds first nonstop flight from NYC to Paris
    Charles Lindbergh

    2. 1905 the wright brothers were credited with flying the worlds first plane. first names of the Wright Brothers. (Orville and Wilbur )

    3. What town did this occur in? Kitty Hawk, NC

    4. What does the letters TSA stand for? Transportation Security Administration (great save by Yj)

    Goose was full of that mean girls tank top swagger and crushed 4/4 questions for the pax , even guessing correct questions before YHC got them out.
    Do not bring your medium difficulty trivia into the house of Dawson unless you want to get swatted into the rafters.

    We finished with the main event ..
    The Delta Mile
    4 different layovers with a “flight in between “ and a return to baggage claim. We left Lil cuz at LAX a few times but all found our bags unharmed.

    25 coupon press
    25 coupon OHP
    25 coupon curls
    25 coupon squats

    Great effort here to get our flights on time.

    The real “M” VP of any travel is your wife who always plans the best travel, games, snacks, medicines and we wrapped up with a few rounds of Mary to honor our better halves.

    Goose then bequeathed the Tank of Destiny to YJ and it’s future looks bright.

    Announcements :
    Northshore 12 hour beatdown on Saturday . Goose leaving at 4:15 from the Stage.
    Buy those pre order shirts !

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    Does anyone else have that phrase from your childhood that at the time made you sick to your stomach but in the light of adulthood looks better and better. Mine is “your attitude determine your altitude “and if I had one coach say it I had a thousand.

    F3 and our Thibodaux brotherhood has helped this phrase come to life for me. Carrying luggage, shuffling bags, coupon thrusters , silly plank races . These all can be put in the “that’s stupid “ file very quickly. But when combined with shared suffering , and an attitude of “I wont let a physical barrier break my spirit “ well then , the sky is the limit.

    Thanks for flying Paradox Air
    Please return your coupons to the upright position

    SYITG ,
    PDox

  • Pyramid and the JERF – from Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up to the Stage only a few seconds late to see the PAX eagerly awaiting a beatdown. Somehow subconsciously, the PAX had unassumingly formed a circle. This instinctive skill must be a defensive mechanism. Never-the-less, despite vomit, monsters, and God Thunder, YHC was ready with a quality Tuesday Tuff beatdown.

    The usual warm-a-rams without haste:
    SSH, high knees, Butt-kicks, arm circles F/R, Self-love

    The JERF goes back as long as time itself. Some say this was the brainchild of Moses, others Ancient Egyptians. I personally believe it pre-dates most of written history. Somewhere in the late 80’s an F3 folk legend names Yankee Jeaux eagerly typed these instructions on his state of the art typewriter (with delete function). The JERF is a mighty foe in itself, yet YHC yearned for more, call it ignorance.

    In typical fashion, the JERF includes 10 sets of:

    10 coupon curls
    30 squats*
    10 merkins
    10yd bear crawl
    10 merkins
    20 American Hammers (2:1)
    30 Lying leg lifts
    20 LBC

    YHC wanted a throw back pyramid training in-between each set. The standard pyramid sprint cycle goes like this:
    50 yd, 100 yd, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100, 50

    The sprints would immediately follow each set.

    The eerie quiet of the PAX made me consider I bit of too much. Perhaps we’d run out of time? With the flash of lightning and rumble of thunder the party began.

    As we climbed the pyramid, all hopes of a low strain were gone; and at the summit a much needed 10 count ^2 let us admire the view. Back to work with high hopes. As we descended the subtle sounds of back against pavement cued Paradox to enforce form police mode. Without even a glance, Paradox can tell if those leg lifts are hittin’ just right!

    Beast mode was attained as Enron hit a 5th or 6th gear, leaving us wondering how and why? The unexpected strength and stamina exhibited by the PAX as we all finished together was something awesome. Leave no man behind was in full force as we all ran a little harder to finish the beatdown ( FrenchHorn-Goose).

    A 2 minute Mary was all we had left, giving us plank hold shoulder taps in sequence and a final 6 “ leg hold slow and steady fall.

    COT and prayer by French Horn
    @Goose, @FrenchHorn, @ Enron, @ Paradox, @Smooth Operator,

  • Practice?! We Talkin’ About Practice?! – from Goose

    Yes. Yes, we are talkin’ about practice. This PAX has been leaning way to heavily on their natural athletic abilities and playground skills, but that’ll never get us to perform on the next level. This morning it was time to get back to fundamentals, back to teamwork, and back to puking. So, YHC dusted off his collared high school basketball coach shirt (yes, it was girls’ basketball, and yes I was just the assistant, but I am a treasure chest filled with knowledge and leadership) because it was time to give these thugs a proper basketball practice.

    Pre-warmups consisted of hugging the lion’s head for those deep calf stretches on the statue’s pedestal. Warmups consisted of the usual plus high knees and butt kicks to get the ankles and lungs moving. During the warmups, YHC kept looking over his shoulder to see if Tana was gonna pull in late. (Maybe he thinks “HC” stands for “Fart Sack”. Like in a different language.) We had five solid, which would work fine for what YHC had planned.

    We then moseyed over to the basketball court through a growing line of cars with people waiting in them (no idea), YHC carrying our high quality basketball (gray, perfect for the gloom, and nice and smooth after months of four-square in the street). I then shared some of my experience as a high school basketball player (“more of a defensive guy”) with a Cuban coach. I started the practice with one of his favorite inspirational speeches (in my best dramatic Cuban accent):
    “Every day in Africa, a lion wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or he will starve.
    “Every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the fastest lion, or he will be eaten.
    “So, gentlemen, how do you know if you’re running fast enough??
    “SWEAT!!”

    Trying to get your head wrapped around that? Don’t. Just start running. And, that’s what we did. We started with single-file figure 8’s around the court. Starting in the corner, sprint to half court, slap the ground, side-shuffle across to the other sideline, slap the ground, sprint to the opposite baseline, slap the ground, side-shuffle across, and repeat back to start. This was tough, so we did it twice to get the system nice and woke.

    After a ten-count, we split into partners(ish) and did chest pass drills. Two men faced each other about 15ft. apart and side-shuffled from one basket to the other chest passing it back and forth and finishing with a bounce pass and layup at the other end. The next pair was waiting there to take over going the other direction. For every dropped pass or missed layup, the pair were penalized with 15 crunchy frogs. We did a lot of crunchy frogs. Passes were better than I expected, but the baskets seemed to have force fields around them. We were celebrating made layups like they were 3-pointers.

    After about 10 minutes, we switched to a rebound tip-drill. PAX lined up single file facing the right side of the backboard, and the first guy in line tossed the ball off the backboard for the next guy to jump, grab the ball, and put it back off the board before hitting the ground. Each guy in turn had to do the same and then run to the back of the line. If the ball hit the ground, all PAX were penalized with 10 jump squats. I have to say, I pictured this one being a bit of a train wreck, but the PAX who showed up this morning were all athletes, even if in a former life. From the get go, that ball stayed up and the line kept moving through multiple cycles before dropping. It was beautiful. But I couldn’t tell them that–I had to stay in character. And that character would always say, “Perfection–is that too much to ask?!” So, after about five minutes on each side of the backboard and only about 40 total jump squats, we lined up on the baseline for a well-deserved suicide.

    The next drill was supposed to be 3 on 2 on 1, but since we only had 5 guys, it was just 3 on 2, and it worked fine. This is a fast break drill to help with of getting more of your men down the court faster and taking advantage of numbers for a quick score. Two PAX played defense while three brought the ball downcourt to try to score. Offense won if they scored, and defense won if they got the ball. Winners did 20 LBC’s while losers did 10 Big Boys. Then, we just rotated so we all had turns in each position.
    Again, latent athleticism revealed itself here and there on the ground, but the basket seemed to be playing better defense than all of us. It was fun to play some ball after so many years, though, but after about 10 minutes, it was time to shift into fourth quarter, game-on-the-line training.

    YHC had the PAX run a quick half court and back, full court and back just to wind us a bit and put the pressure on. Each PAX, starting with Enron (since he sprinted for the win on that first half-court) was given a chance to make a free throw to win the game and send us home. If they missed, it was another half-court, full-court sprint. We had about five minutes remaining on the clock, so any made shot could have officially ended it for us and given us a nice, slow mosey back to the flag. But, we all missed. Every single one of us. I think a few of us hit the rim, which was encouraging, but we had to mosey back to the flag knowing that we had been defeated at the last second of the game. I think that’s what made Smooth puke. (It’s ok, Smooth. It’s just a game.)

    COT with prayer intentions between panting breaths and Cardinal prayed us out. Heckuva job, team. I think we just might make the tournament next year.

  • The Ab Ladder – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to The Stage at 5:05 with nervous anticipation for what was to come on this chilly Tuesday. There were no hard commits on the GroupMe from the night prior, so attendance was an all-out guess. In previous talks with a couple members of the PAX, a discussion had come up that an all core/ab-work beatdown has not been done lately, if ever, with the Thibodaux PAX. Therefore, YHC felt a calling to create something that would address this challenge, and from there the “ab ladder” was born. The waiting game for the remaining PAX to arrive had YHC second guessing if today’s plans may be too Tuff for Tuesday Tuff, but it was too late to make any adjustments. Even though his M, a nurse and previous kinesiology major, confirmed the abdominal intensity may just be a bit much. This came after she rolled her eyes from seeing the kid’s easel being stolen for beatdown creation…. again. Slowly the group started to arrive, not letting the colder than usual morning deter them from their fate of stomach hurting sneezes, laughs, and all-around torso pain. 3 men ready to roll arrived and circled up to start.

    As a great author once wrote. Duke, roll that beautiful bean footage:

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, Self-Love – most with a cadence that was longer than normal due to the attempt to delay the inevitable.

    Thang 1: Just a regular mile run – this was originally going to be a “core work” mile with stops every quarter mile to partake in different forms of ab exercises, but with the prior concern of overexertion on abs, “we just started run-n”. YHC enjoyed the ability to partake in some chatter with the PAX instead of the usual sucking of wind by the second half of the mile.

    Thang 2: The Ab Ladder (all exercises were written on an easel for reference as the thang progressed) each exercise was completed in order, adding the next to the list each round after completing a lap around the stage (about 0.1 of a mile)

    5 – Merkins
    10 – BBSU
    15 – Pickle Pounders
    20- J-Lo’s
    25 – Leg Raises (as Tana and Superfun(d) made clear, these were the beginning to the end of the fun)
    30 – Penguins (1=1)
    35 – Freddie Mercuries (2=1)
    40- LBCs
    45- Flutter Kicks (2=1)
    50 seconds of 6 inch hold (the PAX was just short of getting to this one before time was called)

    COT and Tana prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Mount Up! – from Goose

    It was a cold one, so YHC had fleeting fantasies of being able to drive back home and crawl into a warm bed, but Enron pulled in, faithful as ever, so YHC pulled up his layers of big boy pants and planted the flag. We wondered if anyone else was gonna show, but thankfully Yankee Joe allowed the challenge of the cold to actually get him out of bed and change his schedule so as not to join the fartsacking crew who would inevitably avoid it this morning. Nicely done.
    YHC combined a few old ideas with some “hair of the dog” to clear out some leftover PTSD from this past weekend and a few Tuesday Tuffs ago. And, we let the holiday, St. Joseph’s Day, give us a reason to push through it.

    After some warmups of the usuals we started a Bonnie Blair mile–10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) every quarter mile. It’s always nice having quality time with these two, and the cold air made us feel alive as we moved around the loop. The feeling of gratitude made the Bonnie Blairs very doable, though I knew the real test was yet to come.

    The mile represented the trek from Nazareth to Bethlehem, but now we had to flee to Egypt, then back to Nazareth, then back and forth to Jerusalem every year, including the time he and Mary left to go home but had to go back after a days journey to pick up the child they accidentally left behind in His Father’s house. So, we moseyed over to the stop sign nearest the bumper, and Enron and YJ started to sweat. (I think I heard, “Don’t do it, Dawson. Don’t do it.”–hospital named and everything; the pleading was real.) With only these two with me, I knew it was time to deal with the trauma the only way I know how–get back in it. With a set of 11’s between the two stop signs, we would get a taste of the “hair of the dog” with a few minor changes. Tempo merkins would replace regular merkins, and after squats on the other end, we sprinted back instead of carioca.
    The grass was cut, which helped a little, though nurring after this past weekend was a challenge. Sprinting made things move more quickly, which also helped, but oxygen was in high demand. It definitely provided another opportunity to grow in mental toughness and, as YJ articulated, to just surrender to what the beatdown demands.
    Both YJ and Enron kept the pace, never giving into the body’s demands for a break, and the suffering eventually came to an end with us grateful to be able to put it behind us again (for now).

    Thankfully, the schedule was going as planned, so YHC had time for a couple of songs. The first was reflective of St. Joseph’s devotion to Mary, his wife–“Lady” by Styx, one of YHC’s favorite to belt out in the car (or around a campfire). 6 inch hold and heels to heaven for every “Lady”. Three minutes never felt so long.
    The second was one that came up a few times at the retreat over the weekend, and YHC couldn’t believe I’d never seen the clear connection to F3: “…hit the east side of the LBC.” So, we hit those LBC’s hard to the tune of “Regulate” by Warren G. LBC’s while Warren G is singing/rapping, and gas pumps while Nate Dog is singing. We’ll definitely be using this one again–it’s the first time YHC has completely burned out on LBC’s, probably because of the LBC/gas pump combo and the previous song. It’ll be painful to sneeze tomorrow.

    Monday Murders had come to an end, and after some schedule shuffling and some greatly appreciated vulnerability with prayer intentions, Enron prayed us out. It was such a solid morning with these two HIMs, though I hope the fartsackers who can’t handle sub-40 temperatures will join us tomorrow!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Hit ‘Dem Commitments! – from Goose

    A number of the PAX were with their wives on a married couples’ retreat with YHC over the weekend at Lumen Christi, and the rest of the PAX were gracious enough to meet us there at 6am for the official Saturday beatdown. The morning had already started with a number of awesome surprises:
    1. Two of the non-F3 retreatants came out after seemingly no interest shown the day before, one of whom had driven down from St. Louis. YHC happened to pack the trophy F3 St. Louis shirt won during the 2022 Make America Burpee Again CSAUP, and I only remembered that it was in my bag when he showed up that morning. It was an awesome “coincidence”, and the newly minted “Photoshop” will now be properly attired when he posts back home.
    2. A tall, dark, hooded being crept up silently in the cold darkness and refused to answer requests for identification until YHC recognized him when he was only about 10 feet away. Enron was ready to jump the stranger, but his wide smile and goofy laugh revealed the last Cotter we expected to see that morning–it was Cutthroat! After from swearing off F3, hills, and anything non-crossfit, he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore, and he was ready to battle the snakes, ant piles, and elevation that only this AO could deliver.
    3. Ben Naquin, to be later named “Prius”, caved to his brother-in-law, Fence Post’s pressure to get busy livin’, and despite a helluva tough year including some new physical limitations, powered out an incredible first beatdown with tenacity and perseverance matched by few.

    The joy of the 12 PAX at such a great showing was palpable, and the warmup was executed with high energy–a lot of the usuals with no arms; YHC’s shoulder is still needing some rest, so it would be lots of legs and abs today!

    The theme that would carry us through the day was the same as the retreat: Domestic Church–particularly the 7 commitments each couple chooses to improve upon over the course of their journey: individual prayer, prayer with Scripture, couple prayer, family prayer, couple dialogue, rule of life, and an annual retreat.

    Started with a combined individual prayer/prayer with Scripture, which was represented by an Indian run around the campus with the last guy dropping off for three genuflections before sprinting to the front of the line. Just like individual prayer, you gotta break the rhythm of the day to stop what you’re doing and hit your knees–it’s not gonna happen on its own!

    We stopped on top of the hill for couple prayer and partnered up for a lazy Dora. Each “couple” went back and forth offering their “prayers” in the form of splitting duty on 100 wife pleasers (the non-“praying” partner held bridge), 200 squats (other partner held Al Gore), and 300 flutter kicks (other partner held 6 inches). It was only later in the day, once the sun was up, that many of the PAX were able to see just how many ant piles were on that hill–it was truly a miracle no one laid in one or more and got munched. It really looked like we were all clear in the darkness of the gloom.

    Next was family prayer–a ring of fire with all PAX doing constant smurf jacks to represent a bunch of active kids waiting their turn to pray, or in this case, squat jump. We made it to 50 before YHC called it to make time for couple dialogue.

    Any Domestic Church veteran will tell you that couple dialogue, though typically a sleeper, is the secret sauce. This is where the real money is, where the major growth happens for the couples who take advantage of it. A couple dialogue allows a couple to make measurable progress–it takes time an effort, but if you don’t give up early, it’ll change you. It would be no different this morning–the memories and the PTSD would center around this routine: 11’s over the hill. We started on the lake side with 10 Apolo Onos and on the other did 1 gas pump–next time was 9 and 2 and so on until finishing at 1 Ono and 10 gas pumps. Transportation was nurring (running backward) up and running down (both ways). It was the nur. The nur uphill caused YHC to think more than once about calling this one early, and more than once I checked my watch to see if time would give me an excuse, but we were going too fast. Paradiddle and Wet Tap wouldn’t let YHC ease up without it being obvious–we were in it together, all in, or not at all. I’m grateful for those dudes, per usual, and for their tenacity and companionship, cuz there was no place for a tired, self-pitying Goose to hide, so I didn’t miss out on the chance for some solid growth in mental toughness.
    Huge T-claps to the two FNG’s (and Cutthroat, too) for their staying with this one–it was designed assuming we’d have nothing but veterans out there this morning, but these guys never gave up!
    Side-note–a few minutes into this is when another stranger emerged out of the gloom, this time with a bouncing phone flashlight, and tried to just enter the fray unnoticed, but his off-color, plant-worker humor gave him away, as did the 6:40 arrival time–typical Goats in the machine arrival time is 5-10 minutes late, but this time, his Lenten lack of social media usage made him 40 minutes late (didn’t check GroupMe), so he promised to do some Doras at home. Good to have you, Goats, regardless of how long we get you!

    We ended on the far side of the hill for rule of life and the annual retreat. For rule of life, we picked on of YHC’s household rules, no phones on the toilet. This was represented by 15 mountain man poopers, increasing in speed as the reps increased representing how quickly YHC can get in and out of the bathroom now.
    The retreat is a chance for us to pack up our wives and kids and drag them to a far off location in hopes that it will do us some good. So, we grabbed our partners and piggy-backed them up the hill, then dropped them, ran down, and flapjacked. This is where the highlight of the morning happened–Ben (“Prius”) was first carried by Superfun(d), who is not a small man, but when they flapjacked, YHC assumed there would be some modifications, but once Smooth dropped me at the top and I turned around, there was Ben, moving quick up the hill, a determined smile on his face. All our legs were dead at this point, but he wanted to see if he could do it. His digging deep blew the whole PAX away, and they erupted, cheering wildly as he topped the hill with his mustached rider. It was a thing of beauty.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 7 minutes of Mary, 20 IC of the following: crunchy frogs, leg raises, J-Lo’s, pickle pounders (excellent mumblechatter from Cutthroat and Cardinal about potential publicity issues with this), and Jane Fondas to go with Yankee Joe’s Donna Summers comments. Held plank for the last minute, and then called it.
    COT with some FNG naming fun, the Animal shirt going to the indomitable Paradiddle, and then Superfun(d) prayed us out. It was an awesome addition to the retreat, and another great shot in the arm for the F3 Thibodaux crew.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • ParO’dox and the St Patrick Games – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Den on two wheels with just a few extra minutes to let some LepraCones (tM) stretch their legs in the ball park . YhC saw Dilly drive up to see what was happening, gave a fist bump and politely let him know that everything he had seen was “classified “. YHC then set out a few coin dishes and the last thing YHC saw was a gangly Irish fellow with a green mullet and a smedium Irish Affliction shirt (never change Thibodaux Walmart) coming toward me. He had Joy in his eyes and a prayer in his heart. He shotgunned a Guinness and told YHC this beatdown was his…that’s when YHCs lights went dim and all that’s left below are eye witness accounts and fragmented memories during an out of body experience.

    Duke !! Get the footage !!

    Warmup

    5:15am:
    Report from Dale at the
    Chic Fil La Drive Thru :

    “I saw several middle aged men loitering around a lion statue. They looked like they were waiting on someone. Then a maniac rounded the corner with green hair and it was business in the front , party in the back . I’m gonna be honest with you here, that guy looked high. Maybe bath salts. He ran around them in circles, obviously some pagan ritual chant playing from a wireless device. He paused in the middle and spoke in what sounded like a hybrid between Jeff Foxworthy and Connor McGregor. They followed him in unison and it only took a few minutes for them to work into a full lather. He gave them one last cussin and they disappeared toward the demon duck pond. Strange man …real strange. “

    5:22am
    Report from Martha who “gets her steps in” every morning at the demon duck pond track:

    “Youths today !! I tell ya what ! They ran by me in a line singing about drunken sailors and rambling rovers! Then they made the last man do a crude 1/2 lunge dance. This new generation is circling the toilet ! Now if you’ll excuse me I need 400 more steps so I can have my pastalaya for breakfast “

    Journal entry from Earl Thibodaux
    Who works maintenance for the parks department and keeps meticulous notes during his smoke break.

    “These young fellas poured into the ball field about 5:30a. They had cardinals, gooses and one guy was straight up named after a piece of wood. Clearly gang affiliated. The skinny mullet weirdo read them an excerpt from the St Patrick prayer and they danced around the field. The signs said :

    Station 1
    Christ Beneath Me
    10 big bois
    1 coin

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    Station 2 Center Field
    Christ on my right, Christ on my left
    15 (2 is one) Apolo Ohnos
    2 coins

    Station 3 Right Field
    Christ Above Me
    20 Star Jumps
    3 coins

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    That fella then organized some sort of exercise money game. Prolly with that real Lean fella they call Enron.

    First they went solo collecting coins at Stations and the losers did squats.

    Next he had them Split into teams
    They started at home base with 2 buckets for coins.
    1 fella was at at bucket doing jumping jacks at all times but could swap out with a team mate.
    The rest of them leapt to any station or a cone to complete reps or gather a prize which gave them gold coins for the bucket of gold.

    He had some cones out too , looked like this:
    Cone 1 (I) 20 LBCs 1 coin
    Cone 2 (R) 100 high knees (1 is 1)
    Cone 3 (E) 30 Leg Raises …(the answer to the preBlast riddle was set as a 0 coin trap . Sorry Dilly! )
    Cone 4 (L) 10 side Lunges (left right is 1)
    Cone 5 (A) 10 American hammers
    Cone 6 (N) 20 flutter kicks
    Cone 7 (D) 10 dolphin Hops

    I heard the one they called Dilly holler “stay away from the E cone, it’s a trap!” They never saw it coming.

    They played a few rounds and the team with the cranky bald fella that makes fake siren noises kept winning. Finally they jogged back around the civic center and I for one , wouldn’t be surprised if you saw those mugshots on the 6 o clock news. “

    5:58
    Dale from Chic Fil La again

    “Well that girl forgot my mini biscuits so I made another lap around the drive thru. That’s when I saw them kids sprinting back to the lion. They did a few more leg ups then counted each other and named each other. They said a group prayer and scattered before I could even jot down a plate number!

    6:20a
    Paradox:
    YHC woke up in his driveway with a foggy head and some scattered cones. A note on my windshield read “you’ve got a solid group of Lads there, now they know a proper Irish beatdown !
    St Patty Pray for us
    see ya next year
    – ParO’dox “

    NMM

    Was recently discussing the consistency aspect of F3 with Enron and we both agreed it had outlasted any previous “fad exercises” in our careers. A funny thing about F3 for YHC is the “frog in boiling water “ effect. One day you walk into your first gloom with old gym shorts on cus your friend said it was “a challenging workout ”. The next thing you know you have on a Irish national flag hat with a sewn in mullet singing sea shanties and yelling “Oui” as a response while you lead other men. Yet just as the frog can’t quite remember when the water started boiling, I can’t really pinpoint when F3 begin to make me a better man. I just know day by day, rep by rep , through suffering and triumph we improve each other a little more .

    See Ya Bonnie Lads in the Gloom
    Dox

  • Catch Me If You Can Handle the Heat: Featuring 21s and Dora 1-2-3 – from Goats in the Machine

    The 5 PAX arrived, ready to take on whatever the Exicon had in store for them. Goose led us through a thorough warm-up to get the blood flowing and muscles loosened up.

    Thang 1: “Catch Me If You Can”
    PAX were partnered and thruppled up in the field between The Stage walking loop and the subdivision entrance. Round 1 consisted of 5 squats while chasing each other via sprint and nerr for 5 laps across the field (edge of the parking lot to the white fence at the front of the subdivision). Round 2 was 6 standing lunges and 3 laps.

    Thang 2: “Global Warming”
    The PAX formed a circle of pain and held the Al Gore position while slowly shuffling in a circle. The music played, and we did 10 merkins and 10 BBSUs on “sun” to Smash Mouth’s “Walking on the Sun.” Then we switched to Johnny Cash’s “Five Feet High and Rising” and did jump squats based on the number called out by the song.

    Thang 3: “Indian Run”
    The PAX formed a single-file line of runners, and the last guy in line ran to the front. We ran around the perimeter of the stage walking loop and pergola for approximately a quarter-mile.

    Thang 4: “21s”
    The PAX did side straddle hops in unison, counting reps 1-5 out loud. Reps 6-21 were all mental, and everyone had to stop together at 21. If anyone stopped early or went over, the YHC had the PAX perform penalty burpees. The PAX performed 3 rounds.

    Thang 5: A modified “Dora 1-2-3”.
    PAX worked in pairs, with one partner doing the exercise while the other sprinted across the lawn. The exercises were 100 bunny hops, 200 LBCs, and 300 squats.

    COT:
    Announcements: Lumin Christi beatdown on Saturday, more details to come in the GroupMe chat.
    Intentions: Lots to be thankful for today and prayers for families.
    Prayer: Smooth prayed us out.

    Moleskin:
    YHC is suffering from a shoulder injury due to a late-night rooster wrangling incident (see the group me for the security camera video). Additionally, Goose is suffering from a sore shoulder as well. His injury and athletic ability are a testament to the fact that age is just a number, but there are consequences for trying to turn back the clock. Therefore the decision was made to modify the beat down to minimize arms and exploit legs, core, and cardio.
    YHC gave the Pax an option between a 1 Thnag beatdown and a 5 Thang beatdown. The Pax opted for some variety. To craft this beatdown YHC used a number gereratoe to randomly select workouts from the Exicon. There are 31 web pages with 25 line items on each page. YHC had the number generator select 2 numbers. The first number select was between 1 and 31 and the second number selected was between 1 and 25… and BOOM! A “Tuesday Tough” BEATDOWN WAS BORN!
    The Pax enjoyed a beatdown that was mor Cardio heavy that usual. According to Enron’s apple watch we ran approx. 2.75 miles.

    AI Generatede Linerick:
    “We started our workout with glee
    Excited for what it might be
    Catch Me If You Can, a race
    Partners pushed each other’s pace

    Global Warming had us in pain
    Jump squats and merkins, sweat like rain
    Indian Run, kept us on track
    21s and Dora, no turning back”

  • Pursuit of Joy VQ by Smooth Operator – from Lil Cuz

    Today I showed up to a couple PAX already standing by Aslan talking amongst themselves as Goose and Kilmer were doing an F3 shirt swap which I didn’t know was a thing until this morning. That’s right, we didn’t scare Kilmer away, so I guess we are doing something right. We had 8 PAX in attendance for my first crack at this Qing thing. So, let’s get started.

    Warm up
    -SSH 12
    -Windmills 12
    -Grass grabbers with the clap 12
    -arm circles forward and reverse 12
    -mountain climbers 12

    Honestly YHC thought that this was the hardest part. Apparently saying a couple phrases and basic arithmetic causes me to struggle, but the PAX coached me up and got me through it. Thanks guys.

    After we finished the dreaded warm ups, we moseyed down to the baseball field outfield fence. From here we discussed the first issue I had been having. A couple weeks ago Paradox talked about the differences between happiness and joy which made me realize there are three categories of happiness. From here we talked about the first category temporarily gratification. A couple examples that were used are, alcohol, drugs, pizza, random hook ups that kind of thing. These are temporary modes of pleasure and should not be something we base our lives around. Which we will get to later.

    Thang 1
    Alright, so the first things I had the PAXs had to do was find a section of 5ft chain link fence that looked suitable for holding their weight because we would be going over this fence. YHC figured that’s when the examples of temporary gratification popped up in his younger years there always seemed to be a fence that had to be jumped to keep from getting in trouble. YHC also figured quite a few of the PAX in attendance had similar experiences. Back to the thang, the Pax would be going up and over the fence and performing 11 Derkins, they would then be going back over the fence and completing 10 more Derkins, this would continue down to 7. 45 total Derkins we’re supposed to be completed but I forgot to mention to stop after 7 so the PAX got a little more shoulder and chest work in. After this we completed the same work out but with squats. From here YHC called it, and we moseyed down to the basketball court.

    Thang 2 was temporarily interrupted by the condition of the basketball court which was littered with trash. The decision was made to take a quick break from the beatdown and be men of action to pick up all the trash in the area. Once this was completed, we had a quick short discussion on what could happen if we get addicted to temporary gratification. From here YHC had 5 suicides on the books for the PAX to complete but due to the cleanup operation. YHC decided to knock it down to 3 suicides which was plenty hard enough.

    Thang 2
    Suicides
    These suicides were performed exactly as YHC remembered them going as a teenager. The PAX would start at one baseline and sprint to the closest free throw line and run back to the initial baseline. From here Pax would run to the half court line and then back to the baseline. After we headed on down to the opposite free throw line and back to the baseline. From here we ran down to the opposite baseline and back. That completed one suicide and we knocked out three.

    After this we moseyed down to the stairs on the front of the civic center. About halfway there, YHC almost got to see his bean and cheese enchiladas that he had for supper the night before. But we pushed on to the towering staircases.

    Once at the stair cases, we jumped straight into the thang instead of discussing a more permanent happiness due to our eagerness for more shared suffering.

    Thang 3
    The work out was rocky balboa’s which involved two PAX standing on the bottom of the staircase with one foot on the bottom step and the other on the concrete. They would alternate feet repeatedly until the next two Pax inline completed their timer exercises, which happened to be 10 burpees. The rest of the PAX would be doing planks at this time. After the timers went off the PAX doing balboas would sprint up the stairs and down the adjacent staircase and would be performing Al Gores until completion.
    Upon completion, YHC had the PAX repeat exercise except the stair work out was box jumps which was both feet on ground then both feet on the stairs jumping back and forth until the timer went off.

    After the completion of the exercise we then had a discussion on a more permanent happiness with examples such as, Listening to good music, traveling, art, finding the right kinda friends. And then we moseyed back to Aslan.

    Once at Aslan, we discussed transcending joy with examples such as, finding a good life partner, bringing kids into the world, finding and maintaining a relationship with the Big Man.

    Thang 4
    Thang 4 required YHC to acquire some tech support from Goose and Kilmer but since my 10 year old Milwaukee job site radio works when it wants. We did the first song a classic Rocket Man by Elton John by just iPhone sound, and it didn’t have the effect YHC was hoping for.

    So we push along through the tech issues and planked during the duration of the song and did half burpees when the words high, long, and man came up in the song. It should have been about 40 half burpees but it was hard to hear with the passing traffic.

    After this Goose and Kilmer got the radio working and we completed the next song workout as YHC intended. The next song was Last dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty. We did LBC throughout song and big boy sit-ups when ole Tom referred to himself or Mary Jane which should have been around 30 big boy sit ups. The kicker was holding 6” during the instrumental portions. YHC called it at 0600 on the dot. It was quite a sight to see all the sweat prints on the concrete.

    After this we had COT during which Cardinal aka the animal picked Tana to be the next animal due to his quiet Ragnar like abilities to kick this beatdowns butt. Yankee Joe used his eloquent impromptu praying abilities and prayed us out. Thanks to all the PAX for coming out, that was one fun train wreck of a beatdown, and I learned a lot. Hopefully Monday will be even better.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note: Cardinal said it best “don’t settle for fleeting happiness but seek enduring joy”. This animal truly gets it.