F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • DAT DAWG – from Paradox

    7 dawgs at the stage today on a relatively cool May morning.

    We had a smooth purebred Pit always ready to roll. A local German shepherd with a huge litter of puppies brought in the coups. A young French bulldog living the summer lyfe and looking for a fight. An aged and scholarly golden retriever who can still retrieve after he gets his paws stretched. A north La bred bull mastiff who showed up purely for raw steak and Merkins. Rounded out by a greyhound who ran all the way from his kennel in Bourg. A variety of breeds from far and wide but today they were all looking to be Dat Dawg ….

    Duke! stop trying to recreate sweat stains and get the footage!!

    YHC recently saw F3 Nola’s Hawgcycle (still a mystery how to pronounce this) post that his daughter would be following in his shoeless footsteps and raising money for the Special Olympics by running 1 mile a day for 2023. If you had asked a 12 year old YHC to run a single mile I would have had a hard time penciling you in my booked schedule of Cheetos and GoldenEye so I was floored by this effort and knew we had to rally our bayou pax to support.

    Thus DAT DAWG was born …

    Warmup

    The usuals with some extra reps after an intense Diddle VQ yesterday.

    Like any veteran Dawg, ole Jeaux could smell the intensity in the air. A prolonged warmup , a call for BAPS, surrounded by Dox cones. I could see him working through his Rolodex of fartsack excuses but it was too late .

    We grabbed coupons and headed to the Junkyard.

    YHC explained todays cause and that we would pledge $ for each lap completed.

    YHC then took the pax through a tour of the rough 1/2 mile long obstacle course:

    10 coupon curls , run to next cone
    10 big boys Nur to next cone
    10 merkins bearcrawl the pylon thingys and then roughly 60 yard stretch then more pylons. If a car passes you gotta bark (Merkin) . 10 more merkins on the other side. Run to stage.
    10 box jumps and karaoke to bumper
    1 suicide then sprint to junkyard
    10 burpees then mark your territory (chalk )

    Format: Most Laps complete OR the pax in the lead at the end of 30 minutes would be declared ..

    DAT DAWG.

    Notes:

    -Merkins , bearcrawl , merkins continues to be a recipe for success and YJ had such an accurate bark impression I had to double check it wasn’t an actual wild dog.
    -Horn broke another Coupon and is 1 away from joining TreeRoot in the bayou. RIP
    -Several pax pushing the limit of cardio exertion , it was beautiful.
    -BAPs brought the absolute thunder.
    -Ole hC Tana got caught in a late Pickle fartsack and one hateth to lay eyes on such a thing.

    When the dust settled at 5:59 to no one’s surprise Goose was charging up 4.5 laps with Ronnie close on his heels.
    Both displaying beastly inner DAWG.

    YHC called it and presented Goose with the first DAT DAWG chain. (Must see pics)

    It will serve as our “break in case of charitable event “ trophy. If the chips are down or a worthy cause is in need then you can call on DAT DAWG for fast support.

    In all we completed 26 laps of DAT DAWG as a PAX and raised a nice chunk for an excellent cause.

    COT and dat ole dawg Yankee Jeaux prayed us out.

    An honor to lead this pack of Dawgs today .

    SYITG

    Dox

  • F4 by Pope – from Goose

    If YHC learned anything today, it is that improv is an essential skill in many different scenarios in life; F3 is certainly no exception.
    First, there were the signs… very oddly placed STADIUM CLOSED signs contradicting the wide-open gates from which they hung. And the padlock on the gates behind the goalpost, also open.
    YHC began to worry, since a major part of the thang consisted of material requiring hash marks, then relaxed a bit when Cardinal showed up.
    Then Cardinal dropped the bomb on YHC that the stadium was actually closed this time.
    Not only that, but the field beside Bayou Road was dominated by peewee baseball fence.
    YHC also learned (and please store this in your memory—could come in handy if you get into a similar pickle) that the Chimney is a very versatile backup location.
    YHC began the beatdown revolving around the sport that Yankee Joe had yet to theme—not futbol, not America’s mere pastime of baseball, but America’s sport—with the usual warmups (SSH, windmills, SL, etc.) and debuted A-skips to the warmup arsenal.
    After completing windmills, the gloom was pierced by Paradox’s cry of “Keep it midnight!” and on that somewhat foreboding cue, Dox, Lil Cuz, Piccadilly and Enron pulled off their shirts and blinded the bewildered PAX with neon shirts with the sleeves apparently cut and/or torn off, decorated by the stenciled abbreviation TLM along with the wearer’s name on the back. Dox outdid himself when he and his neon minions donned similarly colored headbands stenciled with #KIP. YHC overcame the shock with great struggle and continued warmups…
    The PAX moseyed to the Chimney and very easily separated into teams: the Midnight Owls (and Enron’s 2.0 FNG Harrison) against all—YHC, Goose, Cardinal, French Horn and Coyote. YHC determined the boundaries and initiated a game of football—football according to Tom Cruise and the Top Gun: Maverick crew. This version of the game (first of all, was originally planned for the Bayou Rd. field) consisted of two footballs, two quarterbacks on the field at one time, and all PAX playing offense and defense at the same time.
    The balls were placed after each play on the spot where the ballcarrier who had gained more yards was stopped, and according to which side of the field in which the line of scrimmage was, the team defending it did 5 8-ct body-builders while the opposing team performed 5 big boys (YHC thinks he should have stressed the need to keep track of May Challenge exercises a good bit more; if you haven’t already calculated that, have fun). If a team scored, they were assigned 10 star-jumps, with the defeated, shamed defense doing 10 burpees. In the case of both teams scoring, all PAX did 25 merkins.
    Ultimately, the neon-green dark of midnight was overcome by Team Morning Light by a score of 6-4. Highlight of the game: YHC dropped back to pass and noticed Piccadilly sprinting up the field with their ball. YHC rolled to the right and tagged Dilly with his left hand and the ball, then turned on the jets and ran beyond the line of scrimmage. YHC planted his foot and cut right to avoid Paradox, then lateralled to Goose—a pass that fell far behind Goose, who couldn’t even touch it as it fell to the ground and was recovered by Enron. YHC then decided to be a jerk and call the game. Hey, it was five minutes past the previously determined end time anyway!
    Knowing that most of the PAX hadn’t thrown a ball yet today and had untested throwing arms, YHC circled up the PAX and began a game of throw-&-catch, during which one would catch the oncoming ball, pass it to another PAX, then drop for a couple of burpees—three if he dropped the pass and picked it up to throw it.
    Next Goose and Coyote fell back from the PAX and waited for the first two contestants of the longest-throw elimination-style contest. Two PAX attempted to throw the football farther than the other, the winner choosing a May Challenge exercise and the number of reps to do while the loser did 15 merkins and 15 big boys (yet another accidental complication in the tracking of reps). YHC was victorious in the cannon-arm contest. Next the PAX competed for the longest punt, the contest consisting of the same mechanics. However, having witnessed Goose’s thunderous punts while returning thrown balls to the PAX, the competition was really for second place, a title won by Piccadilly.
    Returning to the flag with the rest of the PAX, YHC observed the unfortunate fact that most of the time spent at the Chimney was spent standing around, either in the huddle or waiting for one’s turn to throw/punt. With that in mind, YHC was determined to add the initially aimed-for grind of the beatdown via Mary. After leading the PAX in the previously debuted Down for the Count, Mary consisted of penguins, WWI sit-ups (which were apparently new to the long-absent Cardinal), Dr. Ws and Freddy Mercuries.
    YHC had the original draft of the beatdown written out in early May and figured that all would go according to the anticipated plan. However, much was overturned, and YHC is just glad that rules are made to be broken and that YHC didn’t focus very hard on the beatdown’s every detail, as he usually does.
    SYITG,
    Pope

  • Earn that Wood – from Wiford Montana

    9 at the Den and the Q was Co
    Next man up to fill in for Jeaux

    Late Tana and you hate to see it
    Running warmup and you couldn’t flee it

    9 in a row for diddle , I hear a rustle
    Cardinal back from another vacation but we respect the hustle

    We would pay the troll then dance to a song
    The hills were steep and the tunes were long

    Burpees , unwelcomed but they did feel good
    Tana made it weird to earn that wood

    Roxeanne and the police till our legs were bare
    Marvin Gaye moved mountains but the price was fair

    Squats to Bonnie just for your butt
    Then we asked Lil Jon turned down for what ?

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out
    3x animal for Diddle, the man is stout !

    My boys in Thib , we got dat dawg
    Tana and Dox , we’ll see you again in the fog

  • That’s 200 yards, right? – from Enron

    YHC arrived to the Stage later than normal after dealing with sleepless roaming 2.0s and a lost set of keys; leaving the M at home not very impressed with the noise and light levels at 4:50 am. If I go missing for a few beatdowns (or forever) we will now know why. Quickly upon rounding the curve to park, Smooth and Paradox came trotting by, continuing to accumulate points for the Clevland May Challenge in a beastly way. Smooth, your incredible will and drive continues to push us all. By 5:15 (or shortly thereafter due to miscalculations on BMs) we had a total of 7 PAX ready for some Tuesday Tuffness.

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, the rest of the usual, maybe some mountain climbers in there.

    Thang 1: Mile Mosey – That’s it we just jogged a mile. As you can see, a lot of planning went in todays beatdown.

    Thang 2: Rich Man’s Loop Light Post Choose Your Destiny
    After the mile and a ten count, the PAX gathered their coupons and made way to the beginning of rich man’s loop. This is where the F3 deck of death was presented, and instructions were handed out.
    Each light post one PAX would have the chance to choose their destiny (along with the rest of the PAX) as we made our way from post to post around the loop. The choices were as follows:
    A) Perform the exercise on the card, or
    B) Choose “MAY Challenge” which means that the suit of the card determined the exercise:
    a. Hearts – Merkins
    b. Spades- Coupon Tricep Extensions (Curls) or Coupon Squats
    c. Diamonds – BBSU
    d. Clubs – Coupon Curls

    Paradox drew the first card and chose to take what was on the card. This turned out to be a 200-yard sprint which in turn sparked a quick debate about how far 200 years was. Goose quickly, and loudly, made his position known that one light post was 100 yards away and we would just need to sprint back and forth. Stupidly listening to his seniority, YHC agreed. After returning from what must have been a 75-yard sprint it was agreed that we (he) may have miscalculated.

    For the rest of the loop, each Pax drew a card and chose their destiny, with most choosing the May Challenge rules. This loop took longer than YHC planned for and by the end we had to make a long mosey with coupon to the Stage.

    Upon arrival back at the stage we completed coupon curls AMRAP until time.

    COT and Goose prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • The Goose Option – from Goose

    The Goose Option refers to both the Q-uarterback’s decision to pitch to the running back at the last moment (YJ to Goose), and the modifications YHC has employed during the past couple of months to avoid further injury to the right wing. This morning, we would all endure the Goose Option.
    YHC arrived with Pope to see Smooth already running laps–a good sign for Team Smoothie Kings. Worried that “HC” has further come to mean “fartsack” for many, YHC was carefully watching the clock as we inched dangerously close to 5:15. But, French Horn pulled in (a few minutes early, mind you), followed by a trickle of solid dudes who eventually added up to a Magnificent Seven despite the large number of solid fartsackers (including at least one “HC”). Seriously, it was awesome to see that we can have so many men there on a Monday morning even with so many missing.

    Encouraged by this crew, including two who traveled from Houma and beyond (Paradiddle’s 5th in a row!!), we rolled through the warmup of the usuals, and YHC introduced Goose Option, Part 1.
    During the May challenge, YHC can only score points through situps, tricep curls (which are harder than bicep curls, so it’s not cheating!), and running. So, for the sake of camaraderie, we all did 4 rounds of the following: 3 sets of 15 tricep curls and 15 WWII situps followed by a quarter-mile run (to bumper, then Stop sign, and back). This ultimately added up to 180 curls, 180 situps, and 1 mile run.
    French Horn continued to pour forth unprecedented music and movie knowledge from the 90’s as he kept up with YHC (and ultimately earning the Animal shirt as a result), which made this stage fly by. T-claps to the whole crew for cranking out the tricep curls and big boys–I felt known and loved.

    Part 2 would be a song since more than half of song routines consist of the plank/merkin combo or something like a SSH/burpee combo and YHC has to do some sort of leg destruction to match the intensity. So, we would all destroy our legs using “The General” by Dispatch. We held Al Gore for the duration of the 4 minute song, and during the refrain, we did the following:
    -squat jump on “take a shower”
    -Bonnie Blair on “shine your shoes”
    -Apolo Ono on “young men”
    -genuflection on “forgiven”
    According to Paradiddle, this looked like some sort of dance, and maybe it was. Maybe that’s all I’ve ever really wanted, to dance in sync with a bunch of swole dudes. Either way, the legs were shot long before we finished, but we genuflected our way to the bitter end before lining up at the edge of the concrete for the final 8 minutes.

    Part 3 reflected the common experience YHC has of modifying an arm routine to a leg routine only to have the Q call a killer leg routine next. So, we would do 11’s until time ran out–flutters at the Stage, lunge walk to the sidewalk, leg raises at the sidewalk, and run back. It was basically a few ab exercises to provide a little space between a bunch of ridiculously long lunge walks. (I’ve discovered since then that if I sit down, I should plan to be there for a while.)
    This was a tough one, but these dudes cranked it out without stopping or complaining (too much), though I think Paradiddle did run behind his truck to let out what sounded like enough gas to inflate a weather balloon. Seemed like a waste of steps to me–I would have like to have seen how that affected his lunge walk.

    6:00 mercifully came, and the PAX made their way back to the Stage for the COT. Tana’s hair told the whole story–it looked like it had been through a lot and wasn’t even trying anymore. Frenchy got the Animal shirt, as mentioned, and Paradiddle prayed us out.
    Diddle decided to stay and clock one more mile, and as we were driving out, we saw Smooth go back from his truck to the track to join him so he didn’t have to run alone. That’s what it’s all about!!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Try Athletes – from Paradox

    Does anyone else have an item on your bucket list that looks wayyyy better on paper and in your head than in reality.
    YHCs has always been the triathlon.
    The conversation goes something like this :

    12 year old YHC brain:
    bruhhhh Conquering multiple elements of human locomotion in a variety of terrains, an ultimate test. You are literally an amphibious machine. Cross that finish line while everyone cheers your name. The ladies will be lined up. This is your life’s greatest work.

    35 year old YHC brain:
    bro , chill, you get the heeby jeebies from swimming in deep water, biking always hurts your back, and your feet cramp after a two mile run. If you keep taking ibuprofen you will get an ulcer. Check yourself before you shipwreck yourself.

    And so on just like that for decades.
    But no more!
    Today we put the triathlon to bed once and for all…as a team!

    Duke put down those electrolyte gummies and roll the footage.

    12 pax beat the gloom on a beautiful summer morning at the Peltch. YHC rolled in a touch early to plant a few seeds and then met up with a growing prethang Saturday crew of Horn, Diddle and Ronnie. With a steady pace we covered topics ranging from Cardinals secret beach workouts to Horns new longboard interest group and melted away a few miles in the process. Please text YJ for all prethang details if you are interested (there’s an application and he needs to know your long term intentions and previous prethang relationship history)

    Several more pax trickled in and we had a rock solid group ready to race.

    Warmup
    Started with a ear splitting cadence of 36 SSH to honor the bday of our resident beast Enron. Full back blast sarcasm aside here, Ronnie is a cornerstone of our pax , always exhibiting a tenacious spirit and has really progressed into a force to be reckoned with physically.
    Enjoy those well earned bday jucifers brother!

    We got back into a steady warmup when YHC heard a verbal altercation brewing.
    At only 2 minutes and 39 seconds into the beatdown Sheriff Deputy of Form Yankee Joseph found his first citation. Does proper form have an age limit? not for this deputy. There is no jurisdiction when someone does a half Side straddle. He is the Law.
    Little did he know the young Coyote is highly skilled in verbal jiuJitsu and in seconds had YJ questioning his entire form police career and presenting badge and gun to Goose.
    The dust settled and a Donnybrook was avoided , Goose threatened to hose us and we moved on.

    Indian run
    Classic Sea Shanty run
    Last man Drop off 5 diamonds merkins
    We ran to tennis court for two songs to set the mood.

    Da Tanggggg

    Part 1 : Swim
    Open Ocean Jam session

    Baby Shark
    YHC set the mood with this dark and foreboding tail.
    Burpee on Shark
    SSH on song
    On about the 3rd burpee we had our first casualty as the baby shark was clearly targeting the elderly blood in the water. Further investigation underway to see if a banana peel from Coyote was the murder weapon. (But seriously rest up Jeaux, the team needs you)

    Under the Sea
    Side shuffle
    Bobby Hurley on Sea
    This one got warm pretty fast and begin to set the stage for further cardio testing.

    Buddy System
    Partner up
    Both complete 20 2 is 1 flutter kicks sprint to tennis ball bucket. Ten merkins at tennis’s ball and sprint back. (About 50 yards away)
    We all ended up with 6 tennis balls per couple but Cuz did some weird Yee Yee math and said 5 so he and partner Frankenbeans took penalty burpees.

    Part 2 : Bike
    Indian Run #2
    We hit the road in search of our bikes.
    As we crossed the ditch Horn kept us entertained with a rendition of I believe I can Fly
    He ate that dirt sandwich with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. You can’t keep a good man down.

    Last man drop off for 5 2 is 1 Freddy mercuries.
    Frankenbeanz succumbed to a leg injury halfway through and YHC deployed Horn on a life raft to check in on the growing IR list.

    Bicycle Song at Tennis court
    Freddy mercuries on bicycle
    Leg raises on other parts
    Superfun(d) began to question the amount of sugar YHC had in his cereal.

    Part 3: Run

    Tennis Ball Suicide relay
    Split into two teams
    Must run full suicide to the bucket , get tennis ball
    Full suicide back to secure tennis ball at home base
    Team with most balls wins

    Back to the flag for a little Mary

    WetTap awarded the GiGi to Coyote for his resistance to the form police. I know Coyote is already busting merkins so he can look jacked in the GiGi next Sat.
    SuperFun(d) sent the Animal back to its originator as Goose continues to pound out 4000 Bonnie Blair’s and big boys per beatdown.

    COT and WetTap prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC is an over-analyzer by nature. If you lay out 20 reps of an exercise in front of me my brain says “ok 5 slowish, 10 regular then just kinda bob around till someone else stops. Full self preservation mode. Yet some of my favorite moments in F3 happen when the beatdown overrides the system. The intensity is cranked, sweat in your eyes, minimal mental processing, just you and your team stuck solidly in the present. One tennis ball at a time till there are no more.

    You can Try for yourself
    Try for individual gains
    Try for self recognition
    And you will feel good temporarily.
    But hidden in the secret sauce of F3 is the Try for others while the “Me” takes a back seat.

    Grateful for the men of F3 as we make each other a little stronger each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Show Up and Find Out – from Smooth Operator

    Show Up And Find Out

    Paradiddle, Pope, Goose, Paradox, Yankee Joe, Tana, French Horn, Smooth Operator

    After sending some slightly inebriated cryptic pictures as beat down hype, YHC was not sure what kind of turn out to expect. YHC showed up at the Den around 0415 to do a little levee scouting and rack up the ruck mileage for our May challenge. Around 0440, Paradox and YJ pulled into the parking lot and started pounding the pavement making circles around the reservoir. Pope and Goose were the next to arrive around 0450 and had the same intentions. 75% of the Smoothie Kings completed a mile and headed back to the flag. Tana arrived next along with French Horn, and Paradiddle seemed to appear out of thin air.

    Alright warm ups went like this:

    Side Straddle Hops
    Wind Mills
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks
    Arm Circles
    Self Love

    Yankee Joe like worrying about odd numbers so I threw in a 27 count of side straddle hops to make his noggin start hurting.

    I picked 3 people with a special connection to May 18th that I felt exemplified the 3 F’s of F3 and I broke them down into 3 Thangs. I also decided it would be a makeshift guessing game. So let’s get to it.

    Thang 1 (Faith)
    The first guy’s birthday was May 18th 1920.
    Through his Papacy he worked toward ending communism and building bridges to people of different religions.
    He was also a big fan of skiing.
    He is St. Pope John Paul the 2nd.
    Ole Yankee Joe got it right

    From the flag we went ahead and started with an Indian run which the last guy would be doing 5 genuflections while we ran 1 ½ times around the reservoir levee. From here we would be doing some levee climbing.

    We went ahead and did 10 Carolina Dry Docks on top the levee. Ran down the levee and did 10 WW2 sit ups. All of this took place on the front side of the reservoir between the reservoir and Hwy 20 for advertising purposes. All in all we completed between 5 and 6 sets and we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Thang 2 (Fitness)
    Our second guy’s special connection to May 18th was a little different. On May 18th 2004, This 40 year old threw MLB’s 17th perfect game.
    He was a 5 time Cy Young award winner and won a World Series with the Diamondbacks.
    He was also a member of the 300 win club and a 1st ballot hall of farmer.
    He is Randy Johnson
    French Horn got this one correct and knew a lot more about the big unit than anyone else did. T-Claps buddy.

    In honor of his perfect game we would run around the bases 27 times in sets of 6. In between sets we would be doing 10 Chuck Norris style merkins. Around lap 24 or 25 YHC had to call it due to time purposes. It was definitely not due to the stars and black dots that had started clouding YHC’s vision. After this we moseyed back to the flag to find out who our final May 18th guy would be.

    Thang 3(Fellowship)
    As DJ YJ set up the speaker for YHC, we started talking about another man born on May 18th. His birth year was 1952.
    He was dubbed the King of Country Music. After this one a lot of guess started flying. I heard Hank Williams, Alan Jackson, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. All wrong.
    He had 60 #1 hits over a 30 year period.
    He is George Straight.
    French Horn got this one correct also. Looks like that college education is paying off buddy.

    The first musical work out would be to the song Fireman by King George. Whenever the PAX would hear “They call me the Fireman” We would switch gears from mountain climbers to merkins.

    2nd musical work out would be the song Murder on Music Row by Alan Jackson and George straight. This workout would be done similar to the first song but the switch would be done on the phrase “music row”. The two workout were WW2 sit ups and Heels to heaven.

    After this song YHC called it at 0559. I had another musical work out planned, but it worked out for the best “A love without end, Amen” would have probably been a little awkward between ole Goose and Pope. From here we counted off one short due to Paradox cutting out 5 minutes early. We had announcements and Tana prayed us out.

    Total count for the May challenge was 150 Merkins, 100 WW2 sit ups, and 2 miles run.

    P.S. Around lap 18 or 20 of running the bases is when YHC realized that he was surrounded by 7 certified beasts. Y’all keep up the good work fellas. I hope one day I can get to y’all level of fitness.

    SYITG,
    Smooth

  • Tuesday Tough, Mostly – from Goose

    YHC pulled into a crowded parking lot for a Tuesday after making a quick loop around the new lot across the street, which caused the loitering PAX much consternation and fearful curiosity. But, it was unfounded–YHC was only scouting for a usable stretch of street for the first Thang.

    During the first part of the warmup, YHC was again faced with the weak, quiet cadence counting that tends to characterize the Thibodaux PAX. This weakness in an otherwise perfect PAX rears its ugly head especially when downrangers are with us–the confused outsider counts loud and proud while only about 2 or 3 locals eek out a barely audible, inaccurate count between Paradox and Yankee Joe’s comments about Tana’s hair. So, YHC shared his shame this morning, assuming the Tuesday Tough PAX would receive the blow with rock hard abs, but, alas, it was not so. You would have thought YHC had pulled out a ruler and was coming after their nether regions. All downrangers were immediately condemned and banned from future beatdowns, and warmup counts for the next two weeks are guaranteed to be a combination of both overly loud and overly quiet with side plots to overthrow the count-shamer. Well, so be it. At least we’re not overly schism prone–we should get through this no problem.

    The first Thang was supposed to be a quick Bleep Test over by the bumper area, and as the PAX planked up while YHC and Pope set it up, YHC noticed that it seemed a little farther of a distance than usual. The typical bleep test consists of two lines a set distance apart, and you run from one to the other at the sound of a beep–you have to arrive before the next one because it signals the start of the return trip. So, you’re running across at every beep, and if you don’t make it before the next one, you have one more try before you’re “out”. Originally, YHC thought the distance was 40 meters (34 yards), and set it up that way, but after the first beep, it became very clear that YHC was woefully mistaken. Literally nobody made it. So, thanks to the invention of the internet, YHC was able to double check and saw that the official distance is actually 20 meters. This thew off the idea that we would be driven to finish at least 40 laps to make a full mile, but half a mile or so would have to suffice.
    These men were no less tenacious, though, and YHC found himself challenged by a PAX that hung in there way longer than in previous beatdowns. As the time between beeps continued to shorten, YHC settled into what would clearly be some long-suffering. After about 40 laps, more and more PAX started dropping off, but we made a rule that you could buy your way back in with 20 monkey humpers, so as Paradiddle, Pope, and YHC tried to outlast each other, PAX with refreshed(ish) legs kept jumping back into the mix, pushing us to drive harder. It was quite the mental challenge, but all said and done, we completed about 54 laps, which is by far the highest we’ve done yet. Super impressed and grateful for this crew!

    With about 15 minutes left, YHC had three songs and three core bombs to deliver. The first was “Walking on the Moon” by the Police during which we’d be on our sixes holding feet at six inches, with a big, slow flutter kick at every “walking”. This is a five minute song, so I gave the PAX a chance to end early by guessing the artist–after some work, they got it, and YHC was happy to stop after about three minutes.
    The second song was “Ooh, Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson. We held static LBC position (crunched up) for the duration, and dropped down and back up with every “baby”. This was a first for YHC, and it really worked–we’ll definitely be seeing this again.
    The third was “Keep on Rockin’ Me Baby” by The Steve Miller Band–held static wife pleaser position (hip bridge up) for the duration, and down and back up for every “rockin’”. This was a killer, too–definitely worth repeating.

    With about 8 minutes left, we finished everyone’s mile by running three laps around the track (thanks, Paradox, for the push!), which left us with about five minutes for Mary. We started with Hello Dolly’s, and YHC’s goal was to keep going until Yankee was no longer able to sustain his high-energy counting. It was a nice distraction, but all distractions ultimately fail against increasing fatigue, so we made it to about 34 (2:1). We filled the last 4 minutes with as many Big Boys as possible. This sparked what YHC deemed the best mumblechatter line of the morning: YJ had brought his new F3 Broga mat and was pulling it out when Paradox commandeered it for group usage the way we’ve been doing with YHC’s for the past week. A mat that big is wasted on just one, so Dox and I assumed the three-man-butt-saver position, leaving a sliver for YJ, which led him to share that he felt “like the kid who brought a new toy to recess only to have the big kids take it away.” Shared suffering, bro. That’s how it goes.

    COT and the Animal shirt went to Superfun(d) (first time recipient) for his silent doggedness through the morning’s grind. Announcements and the typical accusations of exclusivity followed, and Paradiddle prayed us out.

    It was awesome to push through this morning with these guys, especially having Lil’ Cuz and Superfun(d) back in the mix, and Paradiddle posting three morning’s in a row! It’s amazing how the presence of each unique man makes such a huge difference–don’t think you’re not missed when you’re not there! You know how it feels to look around the circle at each guy with gratitude that they’re there–it’s no different when we look at you! So get there!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Test – from French Horn

    Four Score and 7 years ago, the founders of our nation based the core values of our nation on brotherhood, democracy, equality(eventually we got there), and most importantly; athletics. The first presidential fitness test was started by the legendary Dwight D. Eisenhower, the GOAT of World War Generals. The test was discontinued in 2013 because the new generation of liberal snowflakes couldn’t take the sheer dexterity and tenacity required for such a task. I was the last of a dying breed, the last breed of young men who attempted this test, and the impact it left on me is incermountable. As so, I thought there was nothing better to begin my Qing career than this test of sheer manliness.

    It wouldn’t be a Horn Q if YHC was fashionably late. I shot in at a crisp 6:34 as the PAX were deep into a warmup led by Goose, the man with the golden bloodline. Awaiting me in the parking lot is a highly touted FNG Andrew, someone who I warned beforehand how different this is from the weight room; he was hard headed enough to scoff at me, he will see what is to come soon. As disciples of the great marketing professor Yankee Joseph the 2nd, we know a thing or two about highly thought provoking ideas. I thought the PAX would be excited and enthusiastic about this workout when they knew about the prize I had. The F3 world championship belt. Here we go:

    The Thang:
    A good beat down includes a song, and what better song to start a hot muggy summer than some good ole Pearl Jam.
    Song: Alive with air squats through the song until the chorus when therefore we burpee.

    The Test.
    Merkins
    Big Boys
    Coupons Curls
    Shuttle Run
    Augmented Mile Run
    Montana’s Choice(I gave tana man the choice of workout as he was the reason I’m here with you fine gentlemen, and I will be forever grateful for this unit of a human)
    Pull ups
    Mosey Back

    A nice session of mary concluded with Pope becoming the champion and Coyote as 2.0 champion. As I said before, Goose has thoroughbreds as children. Slots from Katy came in 2nd, a performance for the ages, massive respect for him as he came in and out in 110% effort and was a beast for all 60 minutes. I’m also rocking the Katy F3 sticker on ole Bessie as we speak(it’s fire). 3rd place was Dox, you can always expect Dox to compete and show off his grit and wherewithal. FNG Andrew did a little better than I expected, he was a fish out of water without his pre workout and creatine, but it meant a lot to me that my brother from another mother made the trip to come to my VQ, as well as being given maybe the best name in history, Frankenbeanz(already legendary). Special mention to Wet Tap, as the F3 version of Hulk Hogan(always winning brother) suffered a weird off day, which was escpially weird as the ole taking off the shoes trick didn’t go in his favor. The animal recipient was Paradiddle, the first time I saw him at a beat down and I was extremely impressed, T-Claps to my guy. Gigi recipient was Wet Tap, it really essintiates his biceps. All things considered the beast will continue to conquer. Prayer intentions and then Wet Tap with a strong prayer out.

    I wanted to end this blast off by getting a little personal. Growing up I was a chubby kid. I was always athletic and always wanting to be active, but I was always heavyset no matter what I did. When Covid-19 hit, I was encouraged by my friends to start being active again. And so I started running(Forrest Gump voice). By the time 2021 rolled around I was chilling at 190, down from 265 in May, a massive drop. I was encouraged and happy, until I wasn’t. My dad dropped dead offshore from an aortic dissection. It was the darkest point in my life. I started making bad life choices, not having a clear path or clear sight of where life would take me. Down to 165 pounds, I was literally close to my body shutting down from lack of food. Then I had that moment where I realized I had to change. I started going to the gym and bulking up, continuing to try my best to make my dad proud along the way. The last year has still been difficult, as my mom and I’s relationship has been very shaky at best. I really have no guidance or adult prescense in my life at this point, so I was trying my best to stay afloat, at this point worse than before. One day during that roughy time while working at CC’s, I saw the great drug dealer from Napoleonville BJ Antill sipping his cup of hot coffee in visible pain. I asked him what’s up? He replied,”Cinderblocks man.” I was instantly intrigued. Then the sultan of stocks Adrien Maught realized our mutual connection to BJ. It was then they both began recruiting me, and I can say, F3 has been a blessing. It has gotten me involved with a group of amazing guys and i’m in a setting where I can be myself and do things that I love. I love and appreciate all of you gentlemen, and I hope to continue to grow and improve myself as time goes on within F3. Thank you gentlemen for everything.

    French Horn

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Challenge – from French Horn

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-8zgfUK4szaMrEe3Cm7g8Stc-9dystwj6decwRhL8lY/edit