F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • The Centenarian Decathlon – from Paradox

    YHC has been in a rather melancholic mood recently and asking the deeper , heavy hitting questions about this life ?

    Am I original? Yeahhhh
    Am I the only one? Yeahhh
    Am I sexual ? Yeahhh
    Am I everything thing you need? You better rock your body now…
    *record scratch***
    ***looks in the mirror and slaps face ***

    (No no no !
    That’s not it !
    That’s YJs Monday beatdown playlist with the Backstreet Boys still plaguing your mind
    Let it go Dox , keep your composure
    Focus , you’re better than this
    Do it for Tana, he’s alone out there in the rep wilderness and needs this blast )

    Ok ok I’m back but seriously the question here is what can I do for the years I’m allowed on this planet to be the most functional
    Can health span truly = lifespan?

    Well, 8 High impact men beat the darkness at the stage Tuesday morning to answer the above.

    This framework YHC picked up from a longevity expert Dr Peter Attia (see links below for more elegant explanations)
    But it boils down to imagining your most important tasks at 100 years old and reverse engineering the training for our own personal decathlon. So YHC polled the pax audience via text the day before and built a list of everyone’s “must be able to do at 100” list.

    But here’s the catch .. sure you can do those things now but we need to be able to compensate for age related decline.
    So for example you can all pick up a 20 lb toddler now and raise them over your head like Simba. But for the next 4 decades you could lose 7-8 percent of your muscle strength/decade (perhaps more if you have a roaring water problem) : so today you need to be able to lift ….let’s say a 40 lb coupon overhead roughly 50 times. Makes sense? You see where this is heading

    Duke get the footage and Medicare part D we got new indications baby !

    Warmup
    Standard issue warmups welcoming back Goose and Pope fresh from NC adventures and extra time to nurse a few tight arms from YJs zombie crawls and Lil cuzs pull-up palooza.

    Bumper mosey

    Da List

    #1 get up from lying down un aided
    #2 climb stairs

    Song : I Don’t Need Your Rocking Chair – George Jones
    Wake up , Climb Stairs

    BBSU into box jump
    Back into bed with 1 Merkin increase each rep
    That bird poop on the stage never smelled better.

    #3 Coordination to play with great grandkids and #4 Driving )
    Indian Run with frisbee
    Last man does 5 gas pumps
    If Frisbee miss , all pax 7 jump squats

    YHC will confess here that I’m very bad at frisbee and expected atleast 5-6 drops. Little did I know smooth and Goldilocks are semi pro frisbee weekend warriors. YHC had so little faith in an overthrown pass that I had halted the run to smugly handout squats. Goldilocks turned on the #jets and the seminarian house will be getting PED testing very soon.

    #5 Pick up great grandchildren and #6 Swim

    WIPE OUT
    Flora
    P1 10 Thrusters to complete 100
    P2 Flutter kicks

    The chatter subsided significantly after opening the thrusters …

    LIVE ON A PRAYER

    Travel – 20 coupon curl each to complete 80 as a partner pair
    P2 – Genuflections

    ITS THE CLIMB #8
    #9 GOLF with my FRIENDS

    100 Apolo Onos (to get the ball out of the hole ) – sets of 10
    Coupon Dance Steps fast as you can go (simulate climbing )

    Fantastic group effort to finish these out and I don’t know if I was motivated more by Goose or Miley Cyrus but we finished real strong.

    …Grand Finale

    GIVE ME SOME LOVING #10

    It was here YHC revealed that Smooth had answered the penultimate question with his usual stunning word efficiency

    What is the single most important activity to still be doing at 100 ??

    Pickle Pounders!

    Song : Give me Some loving
    Plank reaches on Song
    2 Merkins on Glad
    Pickle Pounders on Give and loving
    All I can say here is that somewhere in North Carolina ole Kilmer is smiling and that there could be some HR classes Goose has to attend for being an upstanding HOA member present at this musical debauchery.

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Animal given to the Pope for carrying YHC through the thrusters and still counting them all.

    The Tanaversary is Thursday
    The hype is building…

    Great morning striving alongside you men keeping our physical and spiritual health sharp.

    Keep it 100

    SYITG

    Dox

    https://peterattiamd.com/how-to-train-for-the-centenarian-decathlon/

  • O Brother, Where Art Thou? – from Goose

    Though this title could refer to a few of the PAX who didn’t show this morning, the crew who did show were of such high quality, YHC was lifted above any yearnings for missing brethren. Goldilocks/Animal was there for his third in a row, revealing later that CrossFit was now dead to him; Econoline returned after a brutal reentry with dimples shining in the moonlight; and Michelin was back and ready for whatever! The ever stalwart Smooth, Enron, and Diddle rounded us out, and though the warmup chatter was low, the spirits were high.

    Every now and then, a line from the movie, “O Brother, Where Art Thou” (Cohen Brothers movie with George Clooney) will jump into YHC’s head and bring with it delightful feelings of nostalgia from the many times it’s graced my screen. There are very few movies YHC can watch more than once or twice, but this is definitely one of them. The dialogue, the characters, the acting, and the ridiculous story-line have yet to get old. So, YHC dragged the rest of the PAX through the plot this morning via physical exertion.

    Warmup of the usuals, including some sharply executed Moroccan Nightclubs, followed by a bumper mosey to wake the legs up and start the process of getting the gallons of lactic acid built up from Saturday and Monday out of the system (it would take almost the full length of the beatdown to complete that process).

    The movie starts with footage of a prison chain-gang busting up rocks somewhere in Mississippi in the 1930’s. Three men, chained to one another, escape by running “stealthily” through a cornfield toward a railroad track with hopes of jumping on a train. So, we lined up along the edge of the grass, linked up with our arms over each other’s shoulder, and the all 7 PAX lunge walked together to the sidewalk. I felt sorry for the short guys, but that’s the way it goes when you’re chained together.

    Next, since we missed the train, we had to flag down an old, blind man cranking one of those manual railway cars. YHC pulled the first song off the soundtrack, “Keep on the Sunny Side”, and we did alternating overhead presses with those gray bricks that the 2.0’s have been using, and upright rows on every “sunny”. But, we only had 5 sets of bricks, so two guys had to use blocks…which was tough. T-claps to Enron and Smooth for taking that one.

    Next, the three escaped convicts made their way through many obstacles and opportunities to get back to the leaders’ wife, who was about to marry an upstanding man, a bonafide suitor, claiming that her convict husband had been hit by a train (“blooey!”). So, we ran through a sort of montage inspired relay race: Partner 1 was stationed a quarter of the way around the track and did Apolo Ono’s until Partner 2 completed 15 merkins and ran past Partner 1 to halfway around the track and took up the Ono’s. Once Partner 2 passed Partner 1, Partner 1 switched to 15 merkins before running past Partner 2, etc. This went on for three laps, and I think the winning team was Enron/Econoline. In case you were wondering, it was the merkins. The merkins were the crux. I love it when a routine ends up revolving around a seemingly harmless piece that no one expected would give them much trouble!

    After this, instead of a ten-count, we went right into another song, which YHC hoped would provide both a breather and a shoulder burner, but it ended up being pretty weak. The song, another from the soundtrack, was “I’ll Fly Away”, and we planned to do shoulder fly’s with the bricks on every “fly”, but there weren’t nearly as many as YHC remembered. (Should have tested this one–overconfident.). Smooth and Diddle ended up with the blocks on this one since YHC promised it would be a little easier–not sure it was. We ended up basically just doing a bunch of fly’s/block curls along with some heel raises till the end of the song, which provided enough of a burn to get us to the next thang.

    The movie’s climax is when the companions jump up on a stage at a campaign rally so Everett can get closer to his wife, who’s seated up front. They play “Man of Constant Sorrows,” (a song they played over the radio earlier in the movie to make a few bucks) and unbeknownst to them, reveal that they are the now wildly popular “Soggy Bottom Boys” that everyone’s been dying to hear. So, we took to the stage and did a continuous series of 10 dips, 10 alternating step-ups (1:1), 10 dips, and 10 box jumps until the song ended (about 4.5 minutes).

    Our performance was so good that we were reunited with our wife with plans to remarry. This led us nicely into some themed Mary, which included lots of Hello Dolly’s, LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, high, slow flutter kicks, slow penguins, and J-Lo’s.

    COT, Animal shirt went to Enron, and Enron prayed us out.

    It’s been an awesome start of the week, but everyone’s looking forward to Cardinal’s birthday Q on Thursday at the Den. Would love to see us break 13 for that one! Rest tomorrow and get there!
    And, watch the movie–we need a collective agreement on whether Paradiddle’s taste in movies is calibrated as poorly as YHC suspects.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Happiest Animal in the World – from Paradiddle

    After getting the initial nerves out of the system from his VQ, YHC was determined to have a bit more fun with his second Q. He was feeling free, and after seeing the hustle of the pax from May’s ISI challenge, he knew everyone could dig a bit deeper than they give themselves credit for.

    YHC has recently been inspired by the mustache’d man from Kansas who found himself coaching the struggling AFC Richmond UK football team. Now, let no one be fooled, YHC knows next to nothing about football (and US football), but Ted Lasso has been a source of inspiration and joy. The “Lasso Way” is a controversial way that Ted coaches the team by seeking to help the players grow both on and off the field. One immediately sees the growth of certain characters, such as Roy Kent and Jamie Tart, who both go from egotistical bad mama jama’s to virtuous men and best friends. It’s not frequent that you see truly good men on television. But Ted Lasso illuminates the goodness in each of these men as they truly are the iron that sharpens each other. This would be YHC’s inspiration for the beatdown.

    YHC woke early, left on time, and even managed to pick up a fun old sorta new guy, Goldlocks, for the beatdown. Arriving ten minutes early, YHC found Smooth awake from his post-work slumber, Enron fishing for hints on what the beatdown might be, and Wet Tap, who came in clutch with the perfect dry erase board needed for the exercises (YHC was going to resort to cardboard and a sharpie). After preparing the board, YHC did his own pre-thang (not by choice) to deliver the goods to the ED White track, which was under construction, but YHC might have completely missed that due to his extra excitement for the morning (the introvert was feeling extroverted this morning).

    Returning to the Pelch, YHC found the rest of the pax assembled, mumble chatter was strong, and debates of who was on “the Diddle List” filled the air. Warmup consisted of the usual SSH, some thing I can’t remember, arm circles, pickers, mtn climbers, and high knees. YHC still has a good bit of learning to do, as every exercise started with a different variation of “Exercise, ready, move, in cadence, exercise…start.” We’ll get the kinks worked out soon.

    The pax moseyed the stadium where one set of stadiums were part of an extended warmup. Goose and Goldilocks were excited for the fresh challenge, while YJ held down the back of the train, his chatter weighing him down (the complaining kept a grin on YHC’s face).

    THANG 1
    YHC gathered the pax on the track where he asked an important question – What is the happiest animal in the world? A goldfish. Why? Well, because they have a 10second memory. (All information comes purely from YHC watching Ted Lasso and not actual research) YHC then, in his own introverted super brief storytelling way, tried to explain to the pax how Roy helps Jamie to grow as a soccer player by consistency showing up at his house everyday at 4am for them to run together. The pax both knew and feared where this was going. YHC revealed the board of doom with thang 1 bulleted.

    AMRAP – 25min
    – 1/4 mile run (1 lap around the track)
    – 15 declined push ups
    – 10 Mountain Climbers (2 is 1)
    – 10 Groiner w/ Flying V
    – 10 Peter Parker’s
    – 10 V Up’s
    – 10 Bonnie Blair’s
    – 10 Step Up’s

    Due to the field being cleared of benches, YHC nixed the step up’s and everyone began. The pax only made it 1.5 times through the list before a real life Colossus XXL (Cars 2, people) made its way on to the track. YHC called an audible and with the help of Goose, relocated inside the Peltch. The pax grinded out what must have been 5-7 laps of the exercise (most of it while being serenaded by MC Hammer’s 2 Legit 2 Quit – DJ Dox must have really liked that one). 25 solid minutes of Zone 4 by every pax. The shirts were off, the sweat was pouring, Dox’s back had more grass stuck to it than a farm growing St. Aug. Smooth’s classic “next” moved us to our next activity.

    THANG 2
    Burpee Sprints
    To keep with tradition, burpee sprints are typically 10 burpees followed by sprinting the length of a football field (100 burps & 10 fields total). If only we had a football field… YHC picked the tree that resided behind the Dawson house for YJ’s Christmas Classic as the end of the field. The pax took off, and soon YHC realized, not for the sake of the pax, but for the sake of time, that a full set of burpee sprints wouldn’t be possible. Audible two was called and we counted down each set (10, 9, 8, etc til 1). A few chirps from Lil’ Cuz during the runs made YHC smile, but otherwise the pax were a silent bunch this morning for some reason. Oh no! What’s that? Is it a rustling in the distance?! No – it’s Yankee, on his six in pain. His back struck again (we really need to get Heath on speed dial – YHC is sorry for your back, and I really hope it gets better soon). The pax finished strong – at least five shirts off, and we finished as a team. The F3 motto “Leave no man behind, but leave no man where you find him” rang true on this hot Saturday morning.

    We moseyed back to the flag and for a 40 second round of Mary we each breathed independently. It was needed. Name-o-rama and Tana prayed us out (I think).

    What a morning. I’m constantly inspired by a group of men that don’t complain, always push harder, and who are growing stronger every beatdown. I know that just the last two months have pushed me harder and made me stronger than I have probably ever been. It is because of the accountability of showing up and walking next to this group of men who pray and play together. You each put in the work. You each push past the point of comfort for the betterment of yourselves and your families. We do this for more than ourselves. The pain is temporary – go one more.

    – Diddle

  • Run to the Father – from Paradox

    9 strong at the stage and ya know dat bayou summer is in full swing when it’s a balmy 81 before you even slip on your mudgears. YHC rolled back in (after forgetting JBL on the charger) to a steadily growing group of Pax bolstered by a fresh wave of our seminarian Pax getting back in dat action.
    The promises had been free flowing in the preBlast groupme with commitments of all shapes and sizes. Hopeful commits, repeat HC fartsack offenders, cardinal fanning flames, Even a brand new “FC”. That’s a frog commit, when pickleball says Jump , you say how high?
    Ya really really hate to see it but we pushed forward.

    Duke! run back home and get the footage. Your still a good boy!

    Warmup
    A respectable set of the usuals with extra care for the lower back.
    The newest fad injury in F3 Thib is a tight back (although YJ will say he’s been doing it before it was mainstream) and after getting nuked by the diddle list on Saturday we all needed some careful grass grabbers.

    The Thang

    YHC decided that directly after Fathers day was a good time to cover the parable of the prodigal son. So many perspectives to reflect on from this amazing parable but today YHC wanted to focus on the contrasting emotions and inner turmoil of the father/son. YHC Just needed a good canvas for this medium and during a recent downRange vacation post YHC was introduced to the total brutality of a Jack Webb medley (shout out to HouseCall). It felt like a great way to express the conflicting inner emotions of the parable all while pondering if Thibodaux has any oxygen in the atmosphere.

    First we had to take the inheritance and run away. We formed up in a Indian run with a last man Drop off – 10 Carolina dry docks facing away , see your family getting farther away.
    We jammed to Ghetto Cowboy while we counted our inheritance cash followed by a choice Goose selection of Ford Econoline and all was right in the world…

    Feeling pretty good about ourselves with endless money we stopped for Jack Webb #1
    Merkins and Air Raises up to 10/20
    The son beats his chest while the father prays “why?”

    We moseyed on starting to feel the strain of responsibility but still depending on ourselves we ditched our van and set out on foot looking for love in all the wrong places.
    100ish yard Lunge to DJ Snake/Bieber “Just let me Love You “
    Are you a Beliber now Cardinal ?

    We continued forward in a Jello Mosey
    There is now a famine in the land, times are tough. But the son still depends on himself.
    We headed for the pig pen to get in the slop. (Perfectly placed port o potty)

    Jack Webb #2
    Captain Thor
    BBSU/American Hammers (3 count)
    The son is pulling himself up (BBSU) while the father continues wrestling with his absence (hammers)

    Time to Run Home
    No money
    No love
    No friends
    Deep in the slop just hoping for a bite of the pig food.
    The crucial moment of uncertainty. I will return to be my fathers servant , but will he accept me ?

    Air Squats/Mountain climbers
    1 squat and 2 MC to depict the son running to the Father who was not only waiting but fervently seeking him daily.

    Run Back home w guidance
    Pair up and one pax run while guiding is partner in Nur.

    Back Home
    Song
    – Run to the Father -Matt Maher
    We held Tipper Gores on the song (atleast initially) with jump tuck on Run and Merkins on Again.
    Legs got reallll wobbly.

    Animal shirt awarded to Goldilocks! Back to back posts and this man is in pretty good shape if you are taking notes at home. Stay golden brother.

    COT and Diddle prayed us out

    Great effort across the board and awesome to have Goldilocks and Econoline in the mix. Grateful to be alongside you men today and always a privilege to lead.

    YHC is often reminded of the repetitive nature of the “returning to the Father “ portion of this parable. So easy to get bogged down the moment we return to the ole pig pen especially when you have been there sooo much the pigs know you by name. But there is such deep consolation of knowing that even as we tire in repetitive sin our Fathers endless mercy is always waiting.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • The Fat Boy Food Adventure – from Smooth Operator

    Participants: paradox, Enron, superfund, FNG (Michelin), Yankee Joe, Paradiddle, Goose, Smooth Operator

    I pulled up to the Lions Den at 0455 to find a FNG sitting in his truck. It looks like he had been there for quite some time and was ready to get his first F3 experience going.

    After that Enron pulled up and started giving us the synopsis of his Mexico City trip. He went on a guys trip and apparently ate at one of the best restaurants in the world, but for some reason either the restaurant or all of Mexico does not do Michelin stars. This brought us to another interesting topic, the Michelin star program is put on by the same people who sell tires. You learn something new everyday.

    At 0515 we had 7 eager adventurers rocking out to YHC’s musical fanny pack, and ready to overcome whatever craziness that YHC had planned for the PAX.

    We started with SSH and Goose gave the F3 disclaimer. After this we did windmills, arm circles cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks, and mountain climbers. Somewhere in the middle of this Paradiddle snuck in probably saying something about a train or stomach issues or being busy making a list as reasons for his tardiness. Either way this dude is always ready to roll on minimal warm ups.

    The thang

    After this it was time to talk about our adventure. Two things you need to know about YHC. Even though I lost a little bit of weight YHC is still a certified fat boy. It has nothing to do with F3 which has done great things for me but it kind of hard to outwork the fork when you spend most days eating like crap. It’s something I got to work on and I will, but first I figured let’s have fun with it. Secondly through the last couple monthly challenges YHC has learn that I like to ruck and am not a big fan of long distance running which seems to be involved in the majority of our beatdowns. So I figured let’s combine these two things and let’s see what happens. This is how YHC came up with the Fat Boy Food Adventure.

    The Fat Boy Food Adventure basically goes like this, the PAX would carry our coupons in whatever manner possible to various locations visiting some of YHC’s favorite restaurants in the area. The only time we would need to put the coupons down is to perform some manner of exercise that would almost always be more taxing on the body than rucking. Our mode of transport would be an Indian ruck with the last person dropping off to do a couple man makers and hustled to the front of the line. We started with 5 man makers and eventually went down to 3 then 1 as our journey got more difficult and time started to become a factor.

    First things first, we started our journey at the flag with 25 man makers which seemed to be a big hit with the PAX. From here we headed up the reservoir and across the bridge to the parking lot of 5 guys burger joint all the while jamming out to some southern and classic rock complemented by a couple of Spotify ads.

    At 5 guys, we did 25 coupon curls and 25 Chuck Norris merkins and discussed there delicious burgers, cajun fries, and YHC’s personal favorite their bacon flavored milk shake. It was nice to put a-little sweat equity down as payment for the next time YHC goes there to shovel down some more greasy food. After this, we continued our journey across the slightly less deserted parking lot of Rouses to our next work out location. After everyone completed 5 man makers YHC dropped it down to 3 due to the doozy of a work out coming next.

    Our next stop was across the large parking lot of Rouses heading up LA 308 where a car was parked conveniently about 30 to 40 yards away. YHC decided this would be our stopping point for some parking lot suicides.
    Half the PAX would be doing suicides while the other half completed 25 coupon squats and then we switched.
    The suicides were pretty straight forward, touch the closest yellow line and head back to the curb hitting every line until you reached the car.

    After this we headed to another great restaurant Big Mikes BBQ. You could smell the meat smoking as we reached the parking lot for another exercise. The exercise was 25 world war 2 sit ups and some bear crawl suicides. Once we started doing sit-ups YHC realized that we would not be able to complete the entire exercise as planned so YHC started cutting it down to make it back to the flag for 0600. So YHC deferred the bear crawl till Part 2 and we continued our ruck.

    The Pax started rucking down the road passing in front of Anytime fitness, the dog park and hustled up the reservoir levee. We stopped near the bridge intersection and performed 15 coupon swing which may have disrupted a couple of curious reservoir walkers on accident.

    From here we headed to the Civic center HVAC system to do our next exercise. At the Back corner of the Civic center we did 15 tricep curls and headed back to the flag to complete our last leg of the ruck.

    Once at the flag with a couple minutes to spare the PAX completed 25 more world war 2 sit ups, 25 PAX approved star jumps, and Apollo onos AMRAP for a couple minutes as 0600 was approaching quickly.

    We finished up with COT and named our new FNG Michelin due to our pre beatdown conversations and the fact that he is a trained chef. Paradox passed the distinguished ANIMAL shirt to a well deserving Superfund. Enron prayed us out as a muffler-less vehicle decided to make its presence known.

    Thanks to all the PAX who came out and decided to embark on this adventure. Without y’all always pushing YHC to the limit, I would still be a sad clown sitting on the sideline.

    SYITG

    Smooth Operator

    Part 2 coming to the Lion’s Den soon

  • Daddy, I’m Prairie Doggin’ it! A Road Trip Story – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue:

    What are your favorite road trip movie moments?

    Was it when Clark Griswold packed the dead Grandma on top of the station wagon in National Lampoon’s Vacation?

    Or maybe you were inspired by Paul Costanzo’s quote in Road Trip when talking about the difficulty of taking shortcuts, “It’s supposed to be a challenge, that’s why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy it would just be the way.”

    Some of you might relate to Rat Race when John Lovitz’ daughter, needing the bathroom, eloquently exclaimed from the backseat, “Daddy, I’m prairie doggin’ it.”

    Of course, for my money, it’s hard to beat the moment when Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) misses the turn for Colorado and instead ends up in Nebraska. When Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) wakes up, he says, “I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.” Lloyd replies, “I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of shit, man.”

    That all said, the best road trip scene of all time is found in (one of many) John Hughes’ masterful works, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.” Having missed his flight, Neal Page (Steve Martin) is desperate to get home. He meets Del Griffith (John Candy) who offers him a ride across country. While driving (and arguing), Del (Candy) claims that Neal (Martin) does things that annoy him. When Neal asks for an example, one of the greatest dialogues in cinematic history emerges:

    Del (John Candy): You play with your balls a lot.

    Neal (Steve Martin): I do NOT play with my balls.

    Del: (laughs) Larry Bird doesn’t do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!

    Neal: Are you trying to start a fight?

    Del: No. I’m simply stating a fact. That’s all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.

    Neal: You know what’d make me happy?

    Del: Another couple of balls, and an extra set of fingers?

    Mic drop.

    ——————————-

    Background:

    YHC was fortunate enough to take his family on a road trip to Fairhope, AL last week. The sheer multitude of graces and blessings that come with such an opportunity does not escape me. That said, I think traveling with small children is another compelling piece of evidence that God does indeed have a wonderful and humbling sense of humor.

    YHC’s three children are beautiful, smart, kind…and absolutely horrendous travel companions and roommates. Holy crap, what is wrong with these people? But as any road trip veteran may tell you, it’s not the temper tantrums or the unbelievable lack of gratitude. It’s not even the fact that YHC’s 2.3 picked up a croquet mallet and started terrorizing everyone and beating their tables during dinner at the nice, peaceful hotel restaurant (this happened).

    The hardest part is their locking onto 4 or 5 songs and demanding them to be played on repeat for 120 hours. During that time, we listened to a lot of great music. We also listened to a lot of really, really awful music. I endured it like the IM3 that I aspire to be, but the resentment continued to build over days. As it wouldn’t be right (or in some cases, legal) to vent this frustration on my children, I instead gifted that frustration to the PAX.

    ——————————–

    The Beatdown Preamble:

    Four PAX showed on a nice, muggy Tuesday Tuff mernin’. Montana was already parked when YHC pulled up 10 minutes early. We’re uncertain if he showed up because of the shade YHC threw at him the night before. Goose rolled up, three-point turned like a boss, and backed up…cuz we gonna need those coupons. YHC then emptied the back of the minivan, cuz yeah, we gonna use bricks with those coupons. We were all awaiting Enron, full of energy and fluent in Spanish from a healthy boys’ trip to Mexico City. Alas, he could not show due to being a good father and taking care of a sick 2.0. Hope everyone feels better soon.

    The normal warm-ups, slightly extended to accommodate Paradiddle’s routine tardiness. At some point, somebody has got tell him that the beatdown starts at 5:15, not 5:23. While you’re at it, drop the same revelation on French Horn. It’s ok though. P-Diddy is coming all the way from Bourg. Wait, what you said? He’s not coming all the way from Bourg? Interesting. Regardless, he always brings some solid tank top energy much needed when Paradox is not in the house.

    ————————————

    The Thangggs:

    5 songs were offered. 3 of these could be used for psychological warfare. 2 of the songs are good, but have now been so played out in my house, I can never enjoy them again. In between each song, we engaged in some very active recovery.

    Song 1 – Hug a Turtle (:49) – 5:25 am

    by Parry Gripp – from his punk movement band, the Nerf Herders to creating false commercial jingles to writing children’s music, this guy has been pumping out content for over 30 years. And I hate him.
    – Hold Al gores, arms up with bricks, hug on “Hug a Turtle” with bricks

    Active Recovery (coupons and bricks):
    – 30 coupon LBCs; Mario punch with bricks to sidewalk; high knees/high arms back with bricks, 30 coupon LBCs

    —————————————-
    Song 2 – Geronimo (3:38) – 5:31 am

    by Sheppard – This one isn’t so bad until the 734th time you hear it.
    – Shoulder taps in duration; Merkins on “Geronimo” and “Bomb’s Away”

    Active Recovery (coupons):
    – Murder Bunnies to 3rd picnic table; 50 SSHs; Redrum bunnies back

    —————————————-
    Song 3 – It’s Raining Tacos (1:32) – 5:38 am

    by Parry Gripp – In honor of Taco Tuesday
    – Walk in place high knees; Burpee on “Taco”
    – Mosh jumps during refrains (yum, yum, yum); Hold Al Gore during slow reading of ingredients

    Active Recovery (coupons):
    – 25:coupon curls; 25 goblet squats; 25 overhead presses; 25 curls

    —————————————-
    Song 4 – Crazy People (2:28) – 5:45 am

    by Casting Crowns – seemed like it was written for F3
    – Six inch coupon leg hold; Refrain – Shoulder presses with coupon, legs down

    Active Recovery (coupons):
    – 15 thrusters, rifle carry to sidewalk, 15 overhead presses, farmer carry back, 15 thrusters

    —————————————-
    Song 5 – That’s Just My Baby Doge (1:02) – 5:53 am

    by Chicky Milky
    – High plank; Groiners on “That’s Just My Baby Doge.” (for me, this was the worst because the title of the song is the only lyric in the song, which means an F load of groiners)

    *At this point, Paradiddle offered the contact of a really good therapist. I don’t think he was referring to my back issues.

    Active Recovery (coupons and bricks):
    – Run/Nur Suicides with bricks (all picnic tables and sidewalk), track mosey

    2 minutes of LBCs IC

    —————————————
    COT and ‘Tana prayed us out.

    Kidding aside, even in the deep sleep deprivation of traveling with small children, I couldn’t help thinking about how much gratitude I instinctively have for the blessings in my life. To be clear, it has not always been that way. I know we often remark on the power of F3 and the camaraderie it provides. Self reflection and humility naturally follow. For me, it is important, if not crucial, to continue speaking these appreciations out loud. I’m showing up for God, my family, my job, and my community in ways that I never thought possible. Without reservation, that “showing up” is continuously fueled by each of you “showing up” for me.

    In a way, it’s kinda like hugging a turtle. Actually, it’s not like that at all. Paradiddle, what was that therapist’s number again?

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The Sound of Goosic – from Paradox

    Paindrops on poses and thick scars on mittens
    Bright cement coupons plus bricks and he’s smitten
    A huge box of cheez-it’s tied up with strings
    These are a few of his favorite things!

    When dat Dawg bites
    When JerfLee Stings
    When he’s not feeling rad
    He simply remembers his favorite things
    Then he doesn’t feel so bad!

    Duke! Stop frolicking in the Alps and roll that footage!

    YHC rolled in guns blazing to a stage audience of 2 for a Goose bday after party celebration. Our man turned 41 on Sunday and after laying down some deep tracks on Saturday (with a Dora that still makes me shudder) and relaxing on Sunday (his actual bday) , YHC could not let him escape without a full Roast . With a massive assist from Gooses M we cooked up a David Letterman style Goose Top Ten and unlocked the vault of Goose t-shirts/costumes to prepare the world to hear the sounds of Goosic.

    Warmups
    Regulars w Lunge Arm circles fresh from YHCs downrange summer camp.

    Tha Favorite Thang

    A David Lettermen Style Investigation as to Why Goose Brought the F3 Flame to Thibodaux

    10. Why did Goose start F3 in Thibodaux?? Some say to plant, grow and serve through male leadership? A fresh out of school journalist may stop there. No sir, not today. YHC knows you have to dig deeper for a full story. We went straight to the source and his M revealed that deep down the ole Gooseberry really just wanted to dance with somebody. (plus he LOVES Whitney Houston, what a coincidence!) So we throupled up and the initial plan was to side shuffle in a back to back throuple while listening to Whitney Houstons “Dance with Somebody” and while doing an air squat high 5 on every “somebody” and every “dance”…well that was the plan. What went down was some sort of joyous rain dance with side shuffling and several modifications later we told Whitney to dance with somebody else.

    9. Maybe he didn’t want to dance. Maybe he just wants a killer badonkadonk ? He did do roughly 5000 Blairs in the month of May ya know. So we throupled up and completed 100 Bonnie Blair with Apolo Onos as a timer and buddy it started to warm up quick.

    8. What if he just wanted to wear ridiculous outfits with his friends in public. I mean there is a history there (see Death Valley Spiderman) –Well it just so happened YHC was in full spiderman attire, so we had to get 10 PP merkins a sidewalk mosey and another 10 PP merkins.

    7. Maybe it was all a ploy to establish a network of IBS brethren so he could express his own flatulence freely? – If you or someone you know is spreading the lie of 1 shart/year then we need more awareness and support for Sharters Anonymous. We completed 10 mountain main poopers (prolly not what those were) side shuffled and then another 10 mountain man poopers.

    6. Perhaps he just wanted to do unlimited uncounted burpees and not worry about the count. Math is stupid. We completed a circle of pain burpee that with 3 pax ended up looking a lot like nonstop burpees. Almost had to put the hose on Goose and YJ for trying to do them too fast.

    5. Was he looking to start the next fashion trend? Animal, GiGi, and lets not forget the eye bleach event of his croptop/yoga pants combo that put several men into therapy. In honor of the Animal we did a Gorilla hop to the sidewalk and back.

    4. Possible that he really just wanted to make an army of super soldiers to continue to defend family values learned from St. JP2? YJ was donning the Polish soccer style shirt as a JP2 tribute and we shoulder to shoulder lunged to the sidewalk with mosey back while listening to…you guessed it “ WE ARE FAMILY!”

    3. Could it all be a way to distract us from the pain of burpees? A well-known event growing in Thibodaux lore is Gooses BurpeePalooza. Pretty simple, he brings a playlist, and we do burpees until we want to quit and that’s the half way point. YHC dialed up his favorite hit from Burpee Palooza #2….Peaches. Burpee on Peaches and modify rest because the spidey costume was getting unbearably hot and YHC was seeing stars.

    2./1. While the above number 10-3 are mostly satirical YHC needed to switch gears here (into my low professional voice) and speak truly about what Goose brings to the table.
    When YHC has come to him as a friend with a tangled mess of struggles he is always there with his simple and sincere phrase : “Gods got you man”. No lengthy theological discourse, no chest beating battle plan. Just his authentic experience that God has led him through struggle , that when we feel surrounded He surrounds us. We listened to “Surrounded/See a Victory” by Mass Anthem and held plank with merkins on” Fight, Victory, Surrounds”. (Thanks to Fancy Pants for this one)

    Wrapped up with Potluck Mary

    COT and YHC prayed us out

    Happy Birthday to ya Goose

    We are grateful for you as a leader, brother, and friend.

    SYITG,

    Dox

  • Life is Hard Sometimes – from Goose

    YHC rolled up in a quiet, lonely truck, happy at least to see a few 2.0’s milling around since Pope and Coyote are still tromping around the mountains of NC for a few more weeks. It was YHC’s birthday Q, and the PAX graciously welcomed me, though with some obvious fear behind their well-wishing eyes. The quiet warmup added to the evidence that these fellas were wary of what was to come–we even had Dox and YJ in the mix, and the chatter was minimal. (Maybe it was the 41 IC SSH, but you had to see that coming.)

    Half the PAX grabbed coupons, and Wet Tap’s patience was tested as he was told to grab one; wait no, don’t; wait we need one more; wait that one’s extra; wait…ok, just run…for now.

    Once we arrived at the lower field, JBL was fired up, and YouTube was required for the first song, Garth Brooks’s “Calling Baton Rouge” since all of his songs are in some kind of digital fortress vault. YHC was born and raised in Baton Rouge. That’s it. That’s why we did it. Plank for the duration and merkins on every “Baton Rouge”. It’s not a long song, so it was pretty much just a warmup for the real Thang since YHC’s pecs haven’t seen much action in the past few months.

    We partnered up for a Dora 1, 2, 3 that reflected YHC’s elementary, high school, and college career. And, this is when we realized we didn’t have enough coupons, so YHC, YJ and Tap argued about who would run back and get one. Tap insisted to the point of being willing to sprint ahead of YHC, but once he was almost there, YJ pointed out that we actually had enough already. So, he was called back. But, then, YHC realized that we actually didn’t have enough because we had a throuple, so I turned to send him back, but thankfully, in his wisdom, Tap had already grabbed it–he was clearly done relying on the collective intelligence of YJ and YHC.

    Goose-life Dora: Partners split duty on 100 kettle bell swings (high school discus champ), 200 Bobby Hurleys (high school basketball non-champ), and 300 coupon rows (LSU rowing team). While Partner 1 cranked on those, Partner 2 gator-merkin crawled (elementary school mascot) 10 yards, did 10 Peter Parkers (original LSU Spiderman–Google it), and ran back. YHC knew this would be tough, that those gator merkins would be ridiculous, and they were. About halfway through, YHC was tempted to switch it to bear crawls or something, but why? Yes, there is a balance the Q must walk between pushing past the PAX’s felt limitations and asking them to do what’s not actually possible or at least practical. YHC felt that tension this morning, but each length, though really hard, was short and ultimately doable. It took everything we had, but the PAX kept going, so no need to modify. We would make memories instead…or maybe cause memory loss.

    After a few 10-counts, we moseyed to the grass next to the Thunderdome for another song reflective of YHC’s time in seminary and working for the Church. These experiences taught YHC that the faith journey doesn’t happen in the world of ideas but in the very real battle and painful mess that is our human experience. And, God is not a senile grandfather living in some far-off heaven whom we have to placate so he might throw us a bone every now and then. He is deeply involved in the mess, and the challenges of life only make sense if we follow His lead, trust in His wisdom, and let him carry us through the battles (interior and exterior). He hasn’t let YHC down, not once, through all the peaks and valleys of his journey.
    The song was “Lord of Hosts” by Shane and Shane, an intense tribute to these truths–Al Gore for the duration (5 minutes) and genuflections on every “God” and “Lord”. Quads were definitely making themselves known at this point.

    Next, YHC shared some details about being led to leave seminary and meet his would be wife, whom he ended up marrying on 9-8-07. In honor of this interesting date, we did The Motivator, counting down from 9. It was interesting to see that the PAX was, at this point, starting to just surrender to what came next–no chatter, just dead eyes and moving into position. Not a bad development.
    YJ mentioned right before this that this was the one-year anniversary of his puke-filled come-back, and YHC wondered if he might be able to force a repeat. He got my hopes up when he peeled off around round 7 and jogged with some urgency to the bathroom, but according to him, it was just for coffee induced urination. Shame.

    Lastly, to honor YHC’s nine kids, each partner did two sets of 35 curls, totaling 70 (the added ages of all 9 kids) honoring the constant picking up of babies. While Partner 1 did curls, Partner 2 did step-ups on the bleachers. 9 kids may seem like a lot, and yes, sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s hard; sometimes the time seems to fly, and at other times it seems to creep. But, regardless of how it feels, if we just keep taking one step at a time, just keep showing up and choosing to love these kiddos despite the constantly changing feelings and circumstances, it is an overwhelming, incredible gift that YHC certainly does not deserve.

    We moseyed back to the flag, coupons in tow, and Smooth prayed us out with his simple, yet sincere style.
    Many T-claps and thanks to YJ for bringing a solid birthday coffeeteria, complete with donuts. And, French Horn kept our spirits high with fun facts about his favorite cults.

    YHC is overwhelmed with gratitude for having been blessed with 41 years of a life filled with awesome gifts, and though it’s not been free of challenges, YHC has learned that it’s usually through major challenges that the greatest gifts are made possible. F3 has proven this truth over and over in a very concrete way, and I am extremely grateful that you men have been willing to join me on this journey, especially through this morning’s snot woggle (official F3 term: https://f3nation.com/lexicon/entry/2728/gvid=398600&pagenum=23).

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Death is Temporary – from Goose

    YHC thought it appropriate to capitalize on the cardio boost most of the PAX have experienced as a result of participating in the May Challenge as well as the increase in tenacity and mental toughness. And, stepping down the intensity could be a slippery slope. Only one way to go! DEATH!!
    It is YHC’s understanding that in the earliest days of Christianity, when they would baptize someone, they would bring them to a river, put them all the way under water, and then hold them there until they started to panic and fight before bringing them up. This was to give the baptizee a real, felt experience of the reality of death in the process of receiving the gift of new life. Any taste of the reality of your own mortality changes you, grounds you, and shines new, clearer light on all the other aspects of your life.
    So, what better day than a day in which we’re proud of what we’ve accomplished, what we’ve built over the month of May, to feel our own mortality.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals along with some Willie Mays Hayes before Indian running (regular type) up the levee, around half the lake, and onto the tennis courts. In a nod to Dox, YHC brought along Oontz and a sea shanty about the death of an honored general (“General Taylor” by Great Big Sea). This was where YHC realized that Oontz hadn’t somehow gained strength by resting him for a few months. This didn’t bode well for what was to come.

    On the tennis courts, the PAX waited patiently while YHC and Pope set up yet another Bleep Test, once again measuring wrongly, too short this time (that first lap felt way too easy), though after the beatdown looking back, I’m sure many were grateful for the rest.
    Once we finally got it right, Oontz was fired up–he already seemed nervous during the Indian Run, and without JBL or BAPS available, I could tell he also felt like the benchwarmer who had been called up after everyone else caught the stomach bug or something. His bleeps were barely audible despite multiple threats and ridicule, but the game went on, and the PAX performed exceedingly well.
    The first few times we did this, most PAX didn’t make it out of the 30’s (number of lengths run, not official Bleep Test scoring, which is weird). Last time, at The Stage, most didn’t start falling away until the 40’s and some into the 50’s. Today, though, there was not one PAX who dropped off until around 60. No joke. Once out, the rules were you had to plank up or complete 25 merkins (or Big Boys) to buy your way back in, which they did. We ultimately finished at 70, blowing our numbers from two weeks ago (or so) out of the water. I think it was because of the hype speech YHC was giving while measuring (and remeasuring): men who fought in battles, who sprinted across fields toward enemies who were sprinting at them, who rode into hand to hand combat with no fear of death or knowledge of the outcome, who still bust down doors with no certainty of what’s behind them, at some point stopped trying to calculate their odds of survival. They didn’t self-evaluate to see how tired they were or wonder how much longer they could endure; they just moved. And, today, we grew in our ability to let go of wondering how much more we can do, in our ability to push off the temptation to say, “Ok, but only 3 or 2 or 1 more of these.” We still, of course, have a long way to go, which is why the 2nd thang was what it was.

    After multiple 10-counts, we moseyed back to the Lion, picked up our blocks, and moved to the sidewalk. We lined up and YHC explained that we would be doing 11’s: bicep curls on this end and tricep curls at the next (20-25 yards). Transportation would be lunge walks (with coupon) there and rifle carry back. YHC heard a couple of groans, saw some mouths drop open, and in a couple of faces, just blank surrender–the decision to just enter into the pain without trying to measure it, cuz, hey, who of us actually deserves ease and comfort?
    The first few laps were hard, which YHC expected–muscles gotta wake up and get with the program. After 5 or 6, YHC could feel the temptation to modify it to 7’s instead of 11’s, but then I remembered the many times I just kept pushing, grinding one more lap, then another, without wondering how many more I could take, not giving myself the choice to stop, and it’s amazing how much further you can go when you stop giving yourself a way out. We had the time, so we just kept going. And the rest of the PAX did, too. It was a beautiful thing to see.

    We finished right at 6:00, but the pride and gratitude of what we had just accomplished together (and over the past month) didn’t hit until after about 4 or 5 minutes (after the heart rate dropped back down to normal). There was no Animal shirt (or GiGi), but the each man’s performances could’ve easily earned it. (YHC was waiting for French to crush another coupon, and was a little disappointed that he didn’t. Three in a row would’ve been epic.)

    COT and French Horn prayed us out–safe travels for the many out this weekend and gratitude for what we’ve been given. YHC is certainly grateful for the men who posted this morning and shared a healthy little taste of death. Nothing binds you together as brothers better than that!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Fubar – from Goose

    FUBAR.
    It’s a term you may have heard if you, like me, have spent part of your Memorial Day weekend watching Spielberg’s great film where Captain Miller leads his men behind enemy lines to rescue Private James Ryan. The entire mission is classified as Fubar from the very beginning from the men, but they learn that only with the strength of one another and trusting the lead of their Captain will they successfully complete their mission. Today Being Memorial Day, it was only right that we should suffer a little bit more than usual to pay our respects for the men and women that have served our country so bravely by giving their life. This was the very reason Private Ryan needed to be rescued – because his brothers had given their very lives for the sake of their country.

    _____

    YHC barely arrived on time to find 9 PAX already at the Stage with coupons arranged in the most organized fashion. Warmups consisted of SSH, windmills, and high knees. Before YHC could complete warmups, Cardinal arrived carrying some speed in his Vandebilt blue speed wagon. Warmpus finished with butt kicks, and mountain climbers.

    Thang 1
    – Partner Bropee Mile Indian Run w/ Bonnie Blair’s –
    YHC’s list of strengths might be running and cardio, but giving clear directions definitely did not make the list. The PAX partnered up and completed 5 Bonnie Blair’s before racing to the front of the partner Indian line, stopping every 1/4 mile and completing some Bropees (a burpee completed alongside your parter ending in a high ten at the top of the squat jump). YHC had the Pax breathing hard, and by the time the group reached the half mile mark, the sounds of some old animal filled the quiet of the early morning. The only thing to distract from the animalistic breathing sounds were the welcome butt slaps from those running to the front of the line. In total, 28 bropees were completed.

    Thang 2
    – Ascending Testicles & Coupon Lunges –
    YHC’s thorough reading of the Exicon introduced the PAX to a few new exercises – one of them being Ascending Testicles (a cousin of balls to the wall – declined merkins that progressively have a more extreme angle). The Pax would complete 10 merkins on ground level, 10 declined merkins on the bench part of a picnic table, and 10 declined merkins from the table part of a picnic table, followed by lunging with a coupon to a different picnic bench across the pitch. This would complete one set. Ultimate VQ hype man/DJ extraordinaire POO-X came to the rescue by providing tunes to motivate everyone to push through the rush of blood to their brains. In total three sets were completed, leaving time for the final thang.

    Thang 3
    – Butkus + Lion King + a lil’ jog –
    Heart rates were resting in a steady zone 3, so a ten count was in order (YHC has no recollection of who let two 10 counts, because at this point, his mind was complete fubar). Another jumble of instructions from YHC proved to confuse the Pax. Perhaps it was the terrible instructions, or perhaps it was the mumble chatter coming from the marketing trio of Tana, Horn, and Joe, but YHC had to pipe up, let those furballs descend, and use an “outside” voice to finish explaining butkus (rapid step ups on a curb for at least a minute) and Lion King (low squat into a thruster with a coupon). Much to YHC’s surprise, the pax crushed three sets of 1min Butkus, 1min Lion King, and a lap around the pitch. Smooth was locked in pretending that coupon was one of his rugrats, and Horn couldn’t control his strength and began his streak of crushing coupons with his bare hands.

    The morning ended with two minutes of Mary – Freddie Mercury’s, leg raises, and probably something else – but YHC’s mind was indeed fubar by this point and thus no new memories were able to be made.

    6:00am arrived sooner than YHC anticipated, and it proved to be bittersweet. The nerves from the VQ were gone, and only laughs and sweat were to behold. Hopes of 13.0 strain filled the air, and YHC found himself basking in those good good endorphins that only F3 Thibodaux can produce.

    __________

    So, the Memorial Day beatdown mission turned out not to be fubar, but instead a witness and sacrifice in thanksgiving for the lives of those gone before us by giving their life. I remain humbled, grateful, and surprised but the continual growth of the men that continue to show up, put out, and suffer much to make themselves and those around them better.

    – Paradiddle