F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • It’s You Against You, So You Better Be First. – from Yankee Joe

    How It Started:

    Yesterday, YHC was talking with Paradox about life. As would be expected, the conversation shifted quickly to F3.

    We wondered at Popeye’s badassery and how he methodically works through a beatdown. You’ll hear part of that Army motto pouring out with his sweat, “I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat. I will never quit. I will never leave a fallen comrade.” Chills!

    We lamented the torture that was SaturDiddle and that we actively seek out fartsacking excuses when Diddle’s name shows up on the Q list. Brutal!

    We marveled at Safety Valve’s unprecedented posting record right out of the FNG gates…6 for 6. Keep it up. Respect!

    We delighted in how Bone Thug swooped in one day and took his place at the table. We debated whether Bone Thug should be plural or singular. Dox writes it in plural. He’s wrong. Recognize!

    We discussed the wonder of Cardinal’s random F3 superpowers, including his Q evasion tactics for questionable excuses like needing to shepherd the people. Apostolic!

    We laughed and cried about how Pope is surpassing Goose, but acknowledged the King was far from dethroned. Quicksand!

    You can almost hear the exchange:

    – Pope ‘Shark’ Lavay: “Slow down, Dad. You’re going to have a stroke.”

    – Montezuma ‘Goose’ Monroe: “I don’t get strokes motha*@$#&. I give them.”

    ———————————
    Why It Started:

    You see, YHC is fully focused on the SV 500, and thus, beatdowns leading up to the event should be carefully designed. YHC told Paradox there would be no silly themes. Nope…no props or monologues this time. Paradox simply said (in his deep, serious Doctor voice when he doesn’t make eye contact), “Yeahhh. That sounds good.”

    Soooo, while driving home, suffocating under the crushing weight of Dox’s disappointment, it became clear what needed to be done. It was an obvious transition from…SV 500 to Indy 500 to Talladega Nights to wearing a Cal Naughton Jr. wig to adopting a Homeric accent. (Homerian? Homenetian? Homogenous?)

    Following the Warmarama, in the spirit of Ricky Bobby, and in honor of Paradox’s homeland, YHC gave a monologue (below) in his best Homer, LA speak. However, YHC’s High Country Homerian dialect was difficult for Paradox to follow. As the old adage goes, there’s San Pellegrino and there’s La Croix. Then there’s Schweppes Club Soda. Quaint!

    If you haven’t seen Talladega Nights, the following monologue will sound pretty stupid. If you have seen Talladega Nights, the following will still sound pretty stupid. Who cares?

    ——————————–
    The Monologue (read in your best Homerian accent):

    “As we are prepping for the 2nd inaugural SV 500, most of us are reconsidering how ready we are following Paradiddle’s ‘Back to School” beatdown.

    “That said, it’s in these dark moments where we find our special talents.

    “Sometimes you get a knock in the head, you get superpowers. It happens all the time. Read comic books, okay.

    “I know what each of you are thinking…you’re thinking, “I wanna go fast. I wanna go fast.”

    “But in the midst of our suffering, yer startin’ to doubt yerself and askin’. “Am I going fast?”

    “You look around to see how other PAX are doing, but mannn…you can’t “mumblechatter with your eyes, you chatter with your heart.”

    “And sometimes you don’t know “what to do with your chatter.

    “You find yerself flyin’ through the air, the Tom Cruise witchcraft ain’t working, the ninjas are tryna get you…and then shame of shames, you get thrown out of Applebee’s and you don’t know what to say.

    “But then you see Goose and realize that he’s just a big hairy American F3 machine. Heck, paradox’s shorts are so tight he could crack walnuts with his butt cheeks.

    “So, you dig deep. Maybe you picture Jesus in a tuxedo. You think perhaps, it’s time to shake and bake.

    “You’re all jacked up on Mountain Dew and Surge. ready to go at yerself like a spider monkey.

    “Because it’s okay…in the end, in F3, it’s just you against you. But also, if you ain’t first, yer last. So, if it’s between you and you, you better be faster than you so you don’t lose. Here’s your sign.

    “To help our lost cause, we got ourselves a cougar in the back seat…you know, metaforeigner speakin’. We got ourselves a little race. We got ourselves an F3 500.

    And I’ll tell you this right now, you know who loves racing? Our girl, Dora.

    —————————————–
    What Happened (please make it stop):

    9 PAX gathered at the Stage on a VERY muggy Monday morning. A few HC’s and a few pseudo commits. As alluded to, most of the PAX were nursing physical and emotional wounds from a torturous Saturdiddle. Mannn, we were ALL on the Diddle List. We’re prepping for the SV 500 and though we wouldn’t go full pads, YHC very generously offered a series of strength and conditioning opportunities. Playing off of the SV 500 theme, the PAX entered with respectable pole positions for an F3 500.

    In pairs, P1 would sprint around the AO track (approx. ⅛ mile) while P2 knocked out reps of a particular exercise. When P1 returned, flapjack, and P2 would sprint the track. The goal was to reach a rep count of 100 for each exercise. There were five scheduled exercises for a total of 500. Yeah, you get it. Cheers.

    There were three caviars…(Homerian for caveat). The PAX loved those. The groans sounded like a bunch of constipated walruses.

    1. The race was timed. All teams had 25 minutes to complete 500 reps.

    2. When a partner pitted (completed a lap), both partners had to perform 10 Bonnie Blairs before P1 could start the exercise or P2 left pit row.

    3. YHC could put up one caution flag, in which all PAX had to slowly mosey around the track until caution was lifted. This meant the partners completing reps had to stop and mosey along with the running PAX.

    The Exercises:

    – Overhead press with coupons (x 100)
    – Leg lifts with coupon (x 100)
    – Thrusters (x 100)
    – Coupon LBC’s (x 100)
    – Coupon curls (x 100)

    ————————————–
    To YHC’s surprise, several teams finished within the 25-minute window. YHC’s team finished only because Pope and Goose dragged him there. Thanks, fellas for carrying me. The PAX then moved onto the musical stylings of the Proclaimers.

    500 miles

    – Flutters, V-ups on “gonna”
    – LBC’s on refrain
    – Mosh jumps on bridge (na na na na) – after second verse
    – SSH for third verse with high knee sprints on last refrain

    Here, YHC remembered and genuinely understood a great line from Paradiddle’s last blast:

    “…a chance to catch your breath, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me).”

    It wasn’t only you on Saturday and it definitely wasn’t only you this morning.

    We finished with Pot Luck Mary, but stopped just short of Paradox’s dolphin hops. You know dolphins shouldn’t swim in a shark tank.

    Gigi was bestowed on Paradiddle by Safety Valve. ANIMAL was presented to Popeye.

    Don’t forget to sign up for the SV 500.

    Prayers for Smooth and Paradiddle, the first day of school (teachers and students), and for Cardinal’s new and exciting journey as the Bishop’s Secretary.

    Popeye prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux

    Have A Cup of Jeaux:

    Let’s talk about the hard commit or HC? The H has always confused me…as if the word “commit” is a multi-leveled state of being. There is no qualifier for commitment. You can’t semi commit, kinda commit, soft commit…just like you can’t be just a little bit pregnant. You are either pregnant or you aren’t. You can’t kinda be dead. You either are or you aren’t. You can’t sorta be a jackass. You either are or you aren’t. In this particular case, I am. There is only “commit.” There is only C.

  • Chlorophyll? More Like Borophyll. – from Paradiddle

    Coming off of a week long hiatus, YHC was excited to be back for a beat down. Not knowing where to turn, but knowing that the SV 500 lay around the corner, YHC consulted with none other than Goose to try and collect some intel on the possible beatdown. YHC was determined to try to prepare the PAX for lay ahead. After turning to the exicon for some inspiration, none other than a childhood favorite of Billy Madison would be the source of inspiration for the punishment that lay ahead.

    YHC was coming in hot this morning from Houma, and he arrived with only a few minutes to spare. The PAX were already assembled upon his arrival. Mumble chatter was low, and as YHC approached, silence fell over the men. DJ DOX would be needed for his duties this morning. Yankee Joe was quick to offer BAPS as the source of sound, even though YHC offered Burrito Supreme who was nestled in the truck. Let a man do his thing. BAPS to the rescue, and rescue us he would. But wait…who is that?! Out of the gloom came G.I. Joe – a legend of sorts in these swamps.

    We began the warmup with the usual SSH, grass grabbers w a clap, windmills, circles, cherry pickers, high knees, and mountain climbers.

    The pax would then mosey with a coupon to the breezeway at E.D. White, where the thang would be explained.

    The Thang
    Taking the advice of Goose (one hour, no breaks), YHC explained the Billy Madison.

    We would work our way through each of the numbered school grades, only to then have to repeat them as Billy does (to prove to his dad he’s not a fool). Each grade would have 12 reps of one exercise, followed by a run to St. Joseph Elementary and back to the breezeway at ED White. Once back to the breezeway, you would repeat all the previous grades, making your way all the way to 12th grade. (1st grade, 1st + 2nd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd + 4th grade, etc.)

    So the grades would go:
    1st – Burpees
    2nd – Bonnie Blairs
    3rd – Declined Merkins
    4th – Grainers
    5th – Kettle bell swings
    6th – Thrusters (do it for Tap)
    7th – goblet squats
    8th – Peter Parkers
    9th – OH Press
    10th – Russian Twists w/ coupon
    11th – Hernia (V-Ups w/ coupon)
    12th – Dips

    The Pax soon discovered that the run to St. Joseph would be their reprieve, a chance to catch your breathe, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me). With a strong start, everyone stayed together through third grade. Coyote set the pace for the 2.0’s, with Pope offering insight into his actual schedule for his upcoming school year. Lil Cuz, YJ, and America’s Best led helped to set the pace for the majority of the pax with a strong and consistent showing. YHC was terrified of the first impression he was leaving on Safety Valve. Smooth, as always, kept the run fun with the boys. YHC is sure that the convo shared between Dox and Gecko is one in reference to “that man”. Goose helped YHC set the pace, but in reality YHC was fighting to keep up through those coupon swings. A high school inspired playlist from some of the pax helped us along, and we needed all the help we could get. Imagine not having MMMBOP to get us through the sixth round of burpees?

    The Pax would make it halfway through 7th grade before time would force us to call it quits. A slow, silent mosey back to the flag and YHC desperately just wanted a cooldown walk. But the PAX pushed back and asked for three minutes of Mary. Freddie Merc’s, flutters, and ABC… (just three letters). The counting of this morning is all the evidence one would need to prove that the PAX desperately needed to repeat their grade. Now the only thing to do is make through the remaining grades at an undetermined date in the future.

    An impressive showing of 16 men this morning who came out, showed up, and put up with the shenanigans of a Saturdiddle. Til next time… or til next Saturday when we kinda have to do something similar again…but at least there will be breakfast.

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • Two-fer One; We Belong Together (by Dox AND Goose) – from Paradox

    Opener: Dox
    2 roads diverged in then den
    And sorry YHCc could not travel both
    And being 2 pax long they stood
    Until 8 more HCs knew they should
    Cardinals claim,  was it right and just?
    The answer is no but the CoQ was a must
    Yet knowing how way leads to way
    We’ll keep his Q for another day
    The CoQs built a beatdown rep by rep
    There’s  a big race coming we still need the prep …

    Duke! Stop ripping off Bob Frost and roll that beautiful footage

    Warmup: Goose
    When the Cardinal-ready PAX heard that YHC and Dox were co-Q-ing, there was an astonished moment of silence. Was this scientifically possible? Two heavy hitters with two very different styles; both frighteningly all-in, tall, and good looking, but was there room in one beatdown for both? What would happen? It was like putting a gorilla in a pen with a walrus, or an alligator with a jaguar, or a bull and a bear, or a shark and Mike Tyson. Could they join forces, or would they just stare at each other wondering what move the other would make?
    Ultimately, it was a mixture of both as YHC told Paradox to come up with his usual warmup mashup ridiculousness, while I went the practical route. But, after the forward arm circle/high knees, it seemed only appropriate to match the Yin with the Yang and do backward arm circle butt kicks. This then led to P-dox leading self-love lunges, which, of course, was followed by YHC’s Moroccan Night Club Windmills. The chemistry had begun, and there was no stopping the fallout.

    Song 1: Paradox
    The coQs had a few jams planned to get the muscles loose. YHCc wanted to started with “Move Along”  by All American Rejects as a tribute to moving along from last years SV500 trauma and to talk about the first time I was dumped. Did I cry in my 02 Chevy blazer with the factory 10s?  (I kept them clean)
    Yes
    Did my now ex girlfriends dad have to jumpstart my car after the battery died in their driveway. Also yes
    But here I am after Moving along and better for it and this was my hope for the pax.
    We released the pain with hand release Merkin burpees on each “move along” and let the pain tears flow on the concrete.
    Popeye is our local burpee variation expert and I could see he appreciated it a lot.

    Song 2: Goose
    One of YHC’s fondest memories from when I was a student at LSU was the time spent in shared suffering with good brothers at the Rec Center gym. We enjoyed quality time together most days, working out before heading to class. This included a refreshing shower surrounded by mostly old men who tended to clear out relatively quickly not long after we arrived. It might have had something to do with the singing, but the jury is still out. We gravitated mostly to 80’s hits, our favorite being “We Belong” by Pat Benitar, which we sung with all the passion we could muster after a tough workout in a strikingly accurate pitch.
    YHC figured we could harness that same energy this morning to bring a sense of belonging to the PAX, especially after Dox’s story of isolation and whoa.
    We split into groups of three (one with four), and laid down with our heads together looking at the stars. The PAX were then directed to hold six inches (Legs, Yankee Joe. Get your “belonging” straight.) for the duration of the song, and execute a leg raise for every “belong”, touching toes together at the top.
    It was good. It was really good.

    First Thang: Dox
    The SV 150
    Mosey to the basketball court and partner up
    Buy in was 1 full suicide to get to the signs at the other end of the court, and after completing the chosen number of sets (given on the sign) frog hop back to get your bling

    Bronze: 10 points
    Silver: 15
    Gold: 25

    Stations for your choosing:
    1 Bobby Hurleys
    2 SSH
    3 freddy mercuries
    4 mountain climbers
    5 leg raise Dora with fence run
    6 Bonnie Blairs

    You cannot repeat a station and
    10 minute timer till we had a winner

    This went along with what YHC planned for a cardio torcher mixed with some core work. As always, it was great to be under the watchful Eye of Yankee “Sauron” Joe for an iron sharpening form critique. Great team efforts across the board. The jello legs set in very quick with frog hops and huge T – claps to Safety Valve his 4th in a row post and for continuing to pretend that being YHC’s partner is a good time.
    In the end Team Ronnie/Jeaux rekindled that old flame from last years fling to take 1st place with 100 points.
    YJ conquered his inner zinc demons and was all about the Climb  with his new found knowledge that Miley Cyrus and Hanna Montana are the same person (not a Finkle/Einhorn situation).

    Second Thang: Goose
    We gathered ALL the gear and headed back to the flag. Again, YHC had to decide between a practical grinder of 11’s, or a fun, yet challenging competition. And, again, the chemistry took over, so the fun spirit of competition continued.
    YHC grabbed some baseballs (actual baseballs, YJ) as the PAX split into new teams of three. Each team got a ball, and YHC introduced Rarajipari, a game in which teams run and kick a ball a given distance. The only rule given this morning were that the ball couldn’t be kicked by the same PAX twice. The starting line was the entrance driveway, and we had to kick it around the civic center to the mouth of the opposite driveway (a little over a quarter mile, I think). And, since it only took five minutes to complete this, we turned around and took it back the other way (to the delight of all).
    Athleticism was helpful, and endurance was a must, but the drive to get to the ball was the ultimate factor in this one. Most ran the loop faster than they otherwise would have–this caused the PAX (minus those who had attended the NOLA convergence a couple of years ago) to be surprised at how physically demanding this game is. Ultimately, though, since this crew was made up of some very driven men, it seemed that the soccer skills of Yankee Joe and Safety Valve were the deciding factor in giving their team the win. (YHC could get to the ball but couldn’t seem to kick it more than three feet, and even then, in an unhelpful direction.)

    COT, Valve got the loaded GiGi, and Pope prayed us out.

    Conclusion: Dox

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    At some AO ages and ages hence
    The men of F3 take the road less traveled
    And that has made all the difference

  • Outlive & the 4 Pillars of Exercise Fitness – from Enron

    YHC has been on a recent journey to learn more about the health secrets to longevity, and more importantly how to live out a longer health span and not just lifespan. Two potentially very different things. After some push from his concierge service PCP, or at least a guy that claims to be a doctor (we all know his M is the actual physician), he picked up a book called Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia. A great read I might add. Although, admittingly only the first 100 pages of over 490 pages have been read so far, YHC thought it would be a good thing to pass some of the preliminary information on to the remainder of the PAX. Therefore the 4 pillars of exercise fitness were created, well more like repeated, and copied from someone much smarter.

    YHC arrived early to write down some lists on an “exercise board”, which was just a piece of construction paper after an unwanted spring-cleaning event removed the dry erase board that was perfect for these things …. But I digress. The PAX quickly started to arrive, and by the time the beatdown started we were 9 strong at the Stage.

    An Introduction to the 5 Tactics of the Longevity Toolkit were quickly listed as follows and a short description of each was given:
    1)Nutation Biochemistry
    2) Exercise Fitness
    3) Sleep
    4) Distress Tolerance
    5) Drugs, Supplements, and Hormones

    Because we aren’t coming to the stage to eat (not this week at least) or sleep (although Tana looked like he might still be halfway there), YHC informed the PAX we would be covering the 4 pillars of exercise fitness as it applies to longevity training. Those four pillars are different types of exercise training that should be completed on a weekly basis and are as follows:

    1) Zone 2 Training – keeping heart rate at 60-70% of your max consistently through an exercise. Another way to judge if you are in zone 2 heart rate is if you can still carry a conversation while performing the level of exercise.
    2) Strength
    3) Stability
    4) V02 Max or Zone 5 Training – This is maximum effort and 90-100% of Max Heart Rate training.
    As a certain “doctor” once said, “Duke, lets get this show on the road.”
    Warmup:
    SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles, Cherry Pickers, IW, Willie Mays Hayes, Self-Love

    ZONE 2 Training:
    Mosied for a mile while keeping conversation for the duration of the jog. This was approximately a 10–11-minute mile pace. We ended up getting going a little fast, and every person will be different from a heart rate standpoint.

    Strength Training:
    Broke out the coupons and did the following exercises in order for 2 rounds.
    5 Man Makers
    10 Overhead Press
    15 Kettle Bell Swings
    20 Coupon Bench Press
    25 Merkins
    30 Goblet Squats
    35 Curls
    40 LBCs

    Stability Training:
    The following were meant to be performed until failure, but due to time constraints and Goose’s ability to do each of these for way too long, we completed a minute of each of the following:
    1) Hold Al Gore
    2) Mission Impossible Plank
    3) 6-inch Hold

    VO2 Max – Zone 5 Training:
    Sprinted to each of 3 picnic tables spread throughout the field about 15 yards apart, completed 1 burpee at the first and Nured back, then back to the second, 2 burpees, and so forth until we had worked our way up to 4 burpees then counted back down.

    Recover called.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.
    Reminder that next Friday and Saturday is the SV500 and signups need to be completed soon. Can’t wait for that Thursday Cardinal Q!

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Endurance – from Paradox

    YHC arrived a touch early to the stage to set out a few cones on the back end of Richmans loop for a light cardio routine (rest and recovery is my thing ya know)
    . All was set, a few minutes to spare when nature called. YHC has become quite a fine purveyor of port o potty’s during my career at the stage. When demand meets supply plus IBS…well..Dr. Maught can tell you the rest of that equation this fall. I took a lovely light mosey to a very new Po’P to reread my bd notes.
    After reviewing the walls and wondering why I should call Terry for a good time (does he know we have a free men’s workout?) I hustled out to make good timing. That’s when I slipped and hit my head on the curb and the lights when out….

    …
    Somewhere in the Wedel Sea
    during “The other expedition”

    Fierce polar winds threatened to rip our tent apart with every breath as we huddled inside for warmth. Captain Goose had called this meeting on our 400th day at sea, floating aimlessly on the pack ice.

    He peered at us through a thick frosted beard
    “I’ll be straight with you men. We’ve got 800 miles to cover in a 20 foot life boat to save the pax we left on Fartsack island.
    There’s 9 of us and only enough provisions for 8.
    There’s also a pistol with 1 bullet left..”
    The tent door rustled open sharply and YJ popped is head in
    “What are y’all doing in here, is this an SLT meeting? Anyway I’m doing my heavy hands routine out here to stay warm if anyone wants to join” …cricket chirps…
    “Nobody?” This time even the Antarctic cricket was silent.
    He went back out and a collective sigh spread through the men.
    YHC shook his head in reply “ I’m sorry, we had to bring him, Rienzi 1 percenters funded the trip ya know “
    Captain Goose cleared his throat to re-establish order “Well it’s going to take every ounce of strength we have to save those men and…”
    YJ pops back in visibly more excited.
    “Hey I created a song called ice ice baby , it’s got a dope beat y’all come listen “ then he strutted back out.
    Across the tent, Tana pulled the last bullet from his shirt pocket, his gaze still stuck on the place YJ stood, he handed it to YHC with a nod. “Save it till we are starving but when the time comes you know what to do. Back of the head and Make sure he knows his backblasts were the best. “
    YHC racked the shell into his pistol as a single tear formed then froze in the artic gloom.
    Silence descended on the tent
    “For the pax” I said as the light faded …
    …

    YHC regained consciousness just in time to walk up and meet 9 sea worthy men at the stage in record setting humidity. They trickled in slowly following an abnormally early Cardinal arrival (61% sleep and fresh roasted grounds works wonders, can’t wait for his Q Thursday ).
    We circled up, all smiles, and only one of us knew what was waiting in the depths of the loop.

    Duke it’s time to cross Antarctica!
    Roll the footage !

    Warmups
    The usuals with 30 IWs by request because some jerk made us coupon lunge on Saturday. Chatter was at a zero but Bone thugz was just getting warmed up! A mosey to the bumper to get started.

    YHC started a series of beatdowns today to honor men throughout history that displayed courage and leadership in the face of great adversity.
    We shall call it Memorable Men Mondays (thanks smooth)

    Today we salute you …
    Sir Ernest Shackleton
    Considered one of the last great Antarctic Explorers. Most famous for his attempt to be the first to cross Antarctica in 1914 and today we would focus on his leadership during that expedition.

    First we needed to go back in time to 1914 and you if you are going to return 109 years the only appropriate travel is Nur. Goose repeated this a few times then seemed to accept it and I fear where his next time travel Q may take us.
    So we ran backwards to the fresh paint lot into the age of exploration.

    August 1 1914 : the ship Endurance sets sail from London to South Georgia Island with 28 men aboard as the Imperial TransAntartic Expedition begins. Their goal is to make landfall on Antarctica , hike across with sled dogs, and meet up with another crew on the other side…simple right?

    28 merkins for the 28 men aboard endurance.

    From South Georgia they left land and unknown to them would not return for 497 days.

    Stuck in pack Ice only 60 miles from their land destination the Endurance began to slowly be crushed by relentless pack ice and they were forced to abandon ship and camp on the drifting ice.

    “Ice Ice Baby “ by Vanilla Ice
    Rock Balboas – Jump Knee Tucks on ice ice baby.
    The pax had trivia which would free them from the Vanilla torture.
    What Year was song released? (1990) 1 minute
    What is vanilla ice real Name- Robert Van Winkle 2 minutes
    What lawsuit did this song create – Queen Under Pressure copyright) 3 minutes
    Two minutes were gained after Goose and YJ had a classic senior moment and went with 1991.

    Indian run to the back of Richmans loop where we found YHCs full arsenal of COUS (coupons of unusual size, thanks Tap) with the coup de grace being a rowing machine YHC plucked from his brother in law several months ago in a blockbuster trade deal for sketchy discount medical care. The concrete schoolyard was ready and the pax were willing.

    At this point Shackletons crew , after watching their beloved ship be crushed by ice and sink, must traverse roughly 100 miles of unruly pack ice all in 3 life boats to the closest land , Elephant Island .

    To honor this YHC put together a circuit with various tasks to represent the varied tasks of the men of Endurance .
    Everyone found a cone and we got to work.

    Voyage 1 Circuit
    45 seconds
    Patience Camp to Elephant Island

    1 rowing – 28s/m
    2 seal jacks
    3 Med ball hammers
    4 med ball v ups
    5. mountain climber
    6. Leg raises
    7. Suicides
    8. Hickory Lunges
    9. Freddy merks

    The pax performed admirably here despite minimal directions from YHC. Bone thugs has progressed into quite a force of mumblechatter and started to find his voice as the reps piled up. Pope continues to be an unstoppable force.

    In a 5 day journey the men make it to Elephant island 1/2 starved, several with frost bite but still fighting.
    Shackleton makes the decision to put 5 men (including himself) in the James Caird, their best life boat and attempt an 800 mile trip to South Georgia Island to get help. They leave with 23 men on the island knowing that if they fail , everyone will perish.

    Voyage 2 Circuit
    60 seconds
    Elephant Island to South Georgia
    800 miles
    1. rowing
    2. SSH
    3. BBSU w ball
    4. Med ball v up
    5. Flutter kicks
    6. Apollo Onos
    7. Nur suicide
    8. KB thrusters
    9. Med ball smash

    800 miles, 17 days and a hurricane in the most feared polar sea on planet earth and the 5 men survive to arrive at South Georgia Island.
    One final task to reach help and rescue their shipmates….
    A 26 mile hike across the island (which is basically a glacier) to civilization.

    Time to hoof it.

    We left everything for a 1/2 mile sprint back to the flag.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    T- Claps to Safety Valve for his second post after the Catan massacre. Solid work from BT as well.

    SV 500 on Aug 12!
    Jambalaya tickets for sale

    NMM
    I stumbled upon this incredible story this summer and it blew me away. The perseverance through obstacles, the mounting intensity, and the odds looking worse and worse at every turn will have you on the edge of your seat. It has my highest reading recommendation. ( See links below) .
    The ability of Shackleton to have the men buy into giving everything they had to save the man next to them or the ones left behind was simply incredible.

    Clearly we don’t face anything even in this stratosphere on a day to day basis but it did remind me of the men in my own life. The ones ready to empty the tank when the cause is great and the glory not our own.
    Grateful to be surrounded by you gents, nobody id rather be in the boat with.

    https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/127307/?refId=40886&detailsLocale=US&refId=41464&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7-y_mZW6gAMVcwetBh0rIgy7EAQYASABEgL8EPD_BwE

    Epilogue

    “The Other Expedition”

    It was day 497 at sea for the 9 men who had left Fartsack island to find help.
    The provisions gone , the boat held together in tatters, most men with blackened toes and fingers.
    8 souls crumpled into the bottom of the boat clinging to life….

    All but one continued to row.

    The one they had saved the bullet for.

    Scientist would later spend decades trying to explain how this man single-handedly saved his crew. Some say it was years of his heavy hands routines. Others say that the only manuscript of his backblasts were in that boat and he knew the world needed them.
    But only the men of F3 Thibodaux knew
    , it was the chatter , all he ever needed was the chatter.

    “Ice Ice Baby” Joe whispered as he peered into the sky and led the boat to land.
    His pax were safe and the chatter would live on.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Legends Never Die – from Yankee Joe

    “Gramps, tell us a story.”

    “Girls, it’s time for bed, but alright, one quick story.”

    “Yay! Tell us the one about the great race!”

    “The great race? Which one was that?”

    “You know…the one about Mother Goose and some guy Tapping a Wet Pope. You know, when you let them win.”

    “Ahhh yes. The St. Vincent of Catan race of 2023. When America’s Best and I bestowed magnanimous mercy upon Goose, Wet Tap and Pope as they neared the finish line.

    “That’s it! Wasn’t there also something about you and Captain America being betrayed by Superman and a three-star restaurant rating system?”

    “Hahaha…good memory. Yes, Superfun(d) and Michelin, having just received a gracious and merciful gift from me and America’s Best, then promptly turned around and hit us with a heat seeking red turtle shell…10 yards from the finish line! You know, those were strange days. That race would prove to be the spark that finally ignited the F3 Thibodaux coup led by Paradox. It ultimately led to the secession from F3 New Orleans. Strange times indeed.”

    “Wasn’t there also some Viking at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet that missed exercising because they were always pickling their balls?”

    “Ummm…no. Ohhh…yes…Picadilly and Montana! They did not miss all the time because of pickleball…well not Picadilly anyway. Kids, do me a favor and don’t use that word order in front of your parents. Anyway, back to the race…try to imagine this…

    —————————
    Chapter 1: The Beginning

    It was a bright and humid Saturday morning. Your Gramps had been up all night trying to craft the perfect beatdown. With the approach of our second St. Vincent de Paul 500 race, it was time that the PAX get serious about being in shape. We were all soft. Even Mother Goose. It was clear we needed some competition, individual suffering, and opportunities to both hurt and help our fellow PAX.

    I looked everywhere for inspiration. Nothing. Then it hit me. I’d look at the absolute monarchical dictatorships in history…surely, there would be something I could use. And wouldn’t you know it? Germany and Japan both delivered with The Settlers of Catan and Mario Kart respectively. Who woulda thunk it. ‘Merica!

    “Gramps, what does ‘Merica mean?”

    “It means mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom. Now shut yer mouths.”

    ———————–
    Chapter 2: The Gloom

    As we were gathering, Paradox brought an FNG who would later be dubbed Safety Valve. Goose’s fourth 2.0 to make an F3 appearance settled on Duke, and Paradox’s own 2.0 walked away with Gecko. Strong names. The PAX continues to grow. See coup reference above. Most impressive was the fact we had SEVEN 2.0’s!

    Perhaps, just as exciting was the late arrival of Frank n’ Beans and then as if from Goose’s lips to God’s ears, who should pull into the parking lot in the silver bullet? No, it can’t be. Can it? HORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! 78 fart sacks later and he made sure to show up 5 minutes late. Hey, you gotta stay on brand.

    Quick and tentative disclaimer by yours truly for the pledges and away we went.

    We finished the usual Waramarama reps, chose partners, and moseyed to the main Peltch field. As we moseyed, YHC took a detour so that the PAX could be inspired by Gwen Stefani’s epic ballad, Hollaback Girl. It was a song that got dropped from a previous beatdown…to Honeysuckle and America’s Best great disappointment I might add. However, YHC was always a gracious and selfless Q, so, you’re welcome.

    We then switched over to bagpipes blaring with ‘Scotland the Brave’, made a few pointless detours in the rec center parking lot – to ruffle some Goose feathers – and made our way to the shart show.

    At this point, Safety Valve was looking at Paradox and asking himself, “I didn’t trust this loon when he was my cadaver instructor, so why the heck did I get in the car with him this morning?”

    “Gramps…what’s a shart?”

    “Well kids, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…”

    [from the next room] “DAD!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!”

    “Sorry, Honey. Sheesh. That explanation would have been celebrated in certain men’s workout circles. Annnyway…

    ———————
    Chapter 3: The Setup

    “There would be 10 stations, each station with two types of exercises to be completed by both partners. In order to “buy in” to the exercises at each station, partner 1 had to lunge walk with a coupon while the other partner spiderman crawled (dubbed that day as the ‘leopard gecko crawl’) to the next station. Then one partner would nur (run backward) to the starting line and sprint back to whichever station the team was on, while the other partner completed 15 burpees. ONLY THEN, could the team begin their two exercises (not naming namesl , typically in quantities of 100 or 50. Repeato for 10 stations, 10 yards apart for a total of 100 yards.

    ***If completed in its entirety, a team would complete 150 burpess, one mile of nurs/sprints, and 1,700 reps of various exercises.***

    To make things interesting, each team had one “sucks to be you” card that would be revealed at a station. This meant that after the team had completed their exercises, they would have to complete a designated additional amount of reps.

    Also, each team held a heat seeking shell that could be deployed against any other team. When called out, the team getting hit by the shell had to drop everything and sprint to and from the nearest park bathroom…roughly 200 yards.

    To balance this out, each team also had an IM3 card that could be deployed to help another team out by taking away one station “buy ins” of nur, sprint and burpees.

    Finally, the Q had wildcards called “Dancemodes” that would be yelled out to one PAX member who in turn had to stop and dance to the existing music. The music. Ah yes. Some of the music was good. Some of it was well…atrocious. Effective though. Ace of Base ‘I Saw the Sign’ will take your mind off thrusters in a heartbeat. Actually, most would prefer the thrusters.

    ————————
    Chapter 4: The Contest

    “The race started off in good form with all teams keeping pace through three stations. The exception was Coyote who continued to live as an outlaw from the Form Police, while racking up Academy Awards for his uncannily well timed trash talking to grown men in the last throes of burpee death. Goose, Pope and Wet Tap began to pull away if only by a few yards. There seemed to be misplaced exercise cards, but we overlooked their indiscretion since Goose was still nursing a banged up wing and Wet Tap was wearing a weighted vest. Nuff said.

    The first Dancemode came with the last minute addition of the 2023 Barbie song by Nikki Minaj. When YHC heard that Horn was watching the cinematic masterpiece the night before, the song was hastily added to the playlist. Horn would not disappoint. The entire PAX sat in amazement as he reminded us that though he may have the pop culture knowledge of a 50 year old, he was indeed a Gen Z’er.

    Meanwhile, heat seeking shells were being tossed around liberally. Coyote’s trash talk was intensifying, and YHC was getting grumpy with Goose & Co.’s interpretation of the race regulations. You gotta watch Pope, boi. He’ll fire off 15 burpees quicker than you can say, “I’m 45 years old…why am I here?”

    The second Dancemode was equally inspiring. With Friday Night Lights pregame speeches rejuvenating our spirits, Goose brought the Peltch down to ‘Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose’…from the shopping cart to the sprinkler to the Dougie. Or maybe he was popping. No, he was definitely locking. Whatever he was doing, two things were clear. 1) There’s such a thing as being cool and 2) it ain’t me.

    Some IM3’s began to emerge, first from the Goose/Wet Tap/Pope team to the Paradox/Safety Valve/Gecko group. Then reciprocated – albeit shamefully. Here, I realized that a NASCAR strategy had unfolded and we had a team car mucking up the pack so that the lead car could pull away. As YHC was swatting away this conspiracy theory, Goose hit the Yankee/America’s Best Team with a heat seeker.

    Conspiracy confirmed. Hell hath no fury like that of a Yankee scorned.

    On the far side of the pitch, Popeye and Honeysuckle were methodically keeping pace with the Goslings. They didn’t even seem to be breathing hard…like they were at a nice picnic doing merkins occasionally, while enjoying mimosas, crackers, and pepper jelly.

    To that end, the third Dancemode was probably the best thing to ever hit the Peltch. YHC called on Honeysuckle, and my man, with a smile on his face (I’m scared of his eventual VQ), dropped it like it’s hot. He would have kept going, if for nothing else but to give the PAX a rest. A good man.

    ————————

    “Gramps, were you a good dancer?”

    “Well, put it this way. The great Bill Belichick once said, ‘I don’t think you can ever really trust a man who likes to dance.’ Of course, this was coming from a hall of famer legend worth millions and yet he still felt wearing sweatshirts with cut off sleeves was a good look on game day.”

    “Soooo…does that mean you weren’t a good dancer, Gramps?”

    “Noooo…what I’m saying is that you can’t really trust me.”

    ———————-

    Chapter 5: The Betrayal

    “At this point, all teams were within four stations of the finish line. In YHC and America’s Best unending and selfless charity, we bestowed an IM3 upon Superfun(d) and Michelin. We knew they would be forever grateful. That is, until a few minutes later when they blew us to hell with a heat seeker. I laughed at first. It wasn’t a joke. A scorned Yankee, I tell you.

    As YHC was running back to Station 9 from the unforgivable treachery, I realized there were 90 seconds left in the beatdown. As I neared Goosilini and his fascist conspirators, I asked if they could cross the finish line before time ran out. The answer was a resounding YES. I then reminded them our team was sitting on a heat seeker, which would prevent them from finishing…that is, prevent them from winning. Goose protested with exasperation. We held their fate in our hands.

    ———————-

    “Oh my gosh! What did you all do, Gramps? That must have been such a difficult decision.”

    “Well, you would think so, but no. We kept the shell in its bay and let the clock run out. That day, YHC and America’s Best chose to give life, not take it away. Such is the path of heroes. This is the way.

    We then moseyed back to the flag, soaking in Gwen and Nikki. FNGs were named, prayers were raised up, especially for smooth and his family, and French Horn prayed us out.

    ———————

    Epilogue

    “So, there you go girls. That was the infamous day. The day the good music died. The day that Paradox turned the corner on spreading his wings to fly as a member of the senior leadership team.

    It was a hard and brutal affair. The men persevered without (much) complaining or double crossing allies.

    “What an amazing story! Gramps, were you a hero?”

    “No, sweetheart, but I served with a whole PAX of heroes.

    (Record abruptly stops)

    “Wait….that’s Band of Brothers”

    (Start soundtrack again)

    “Gramps, what happened to Goose? What about the rest of the Pax?”

    “It was weird that Goose had said F3 was like the John Paul II of workouts and his oldest son’s name ended up being John Paul. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it.

    I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Enron’s company had shipped him off to federal prison. After that, he became one of the pioneering developers of fraud protection software . Of course, we all know why.

    French Horn… well…The Horn got really into fartsacking and no one ever saw him again. Honeysuckle and America’s Best became an engineer and optometrist. They started out small, carpooling together to F3 workouts. But they became legends when they invented the F3 shuttle service.

    Goose grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought St. Vincent’s de Paul’s Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Paradox Porter became a professional DJ. You know him as “The Great BAPSbino”.

    Montana played Triple A pickleball, but he never got to the majors. He’s a drug dealer now and he coaches a seniors pickleball team called, “The Tanimals”.

    Yankee’s Prius lived to be 25 years old… uh, in douche wagon years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Peltch was still there. After Goose pickled Tana that day, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as “Dolly Poppins,” and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.”

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ———————
    Station 10:
    100 groiners, coup run back to base
    100 squat jumps, nur
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 9:
    P1: 50 coupon side to sides
    P2: 100 plank jacks
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Stations 8:
    P1: 50 apollo ono’s 2:1
    P2: 100 coupon flutters 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 7:
    P1: 50 gas pumps
    P2: 100 coupon presses
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 6:
    P1: 100 merkins
    P2: 100 coupon leg lifts
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 5:
    P1: 50 goblet squats
    P2: 100 freddy mercs 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 4:
    P1: 50 thrusters
    P2: 100 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 3:
    P1: 100 coupon overhead presses
    P2: 100 SSHs (a type of exercise)
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 2:
    P1: 100 coupon curls
    P2: 50 V-ups
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 1:
    P1: 100 plank jacks
    P2: 100 coupon LBC’s
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

  • Dad Music: The Only Kind of Music That Matters – from Goose

    Anytime YHC is given the opportunity to take a Q with relatively short time to plan, that one Q idea that’s been eating at me, the one that keeps popping up every time I’m doing dishes or yardwork and that one song comes on demanding to be honored in the gloom, that’s the one that wins the day. There’s not enough time to work through the typical through process: “Nah, not that one; it looks like a lot of fun on paper, but these chumps wouldn’t appreciate it. Better do something a little more practical.” So, BAPS is requested at 4:50am, and Oontz ends up having to carry it. And carry it well if I do say so myself…and I do…say so myself.

    Alright, the warmup:
    The usuals, but Enron tried to take the moral high ground this time saying that somehow his count was the gold standard,despite the mumblechatter flowing forth like wine from his general area. Conflict continued for the duration as to who carried the rightful rep number, and truth was lost somewhere deep under the many layers of misplaced confidence. Tana was pleased.

    Mosey time led us to the first light at Rich Man’s Loop in a potential Indian Run formation. YHC then explained that we would be cycling through the following transportation methods at each light: run, nur (run backwards–you get it?), carioca L, carioca R, side shuffle L, side shuffle R. This started as pretty tough, but most of the PAX got in a groove toward the end, and it was a good way to warm up the system and work on some agility.

    Once back at the flag, YHC revealed that Name That Tune would carry us through the rest of the beatdown. This was the third installment of Name That Tune, and YHC was a little trepidatious after the last two–a bunch of young ‘uns knew very little, and many hints had to be given to save tired muscles and a drooping morale, both times. But, this time, with so many new guys north of 40 and with a possible French Horn (the mutant 21-year-old) in the mix, YHC was a little more confident we’d get through more than five songs. But, when Horn didn’t show and with America’s Best out of the country, I wondered if Jeaux, Honeysuckle, and Popeye would be able to carry all that extra weight. Well, as it turns out, they could have carried much, much more.

    The rules were as follows: an exercise would be executed for the duration of the song unless the PAX could identify the artist or the title, either of which would allow for stoppage halfway through. Identifying both would allow for a full stop, and we’d skip to the next one.
    Here’s the song list (it was shuffled, so not in this order) with exercises and results for each:

    * “Steppin’ Out” by Joe Jackson: Rocky Balboas on the curb–one of only two songs (sort of) that nobody knew either the title or the artist (top 5 in 1982). That was a rough 4:30.
    * “One Particular Harbor” by Jimmy Buffet: Moroccan Night Clubs–YHC fully expected that the PAX would pick up on Buffet’s voice, but no way anyone would get the title. Popeye and Honeysuckle nailed both before he even started singing. This is when I knew my list was in trouble.
    * “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel: OH clap–it took him a few seconds, but Honeysuckle pulled the title from somewhere deep, and Popeye followed immediately with the artist. Unbelievable.
    * “Walk of Life” by Dire Straits: hillbilly walkers–last night I though this one might carry all the way through, but by the time this one started this morning, I knew it was done for in the first few seconds; and it was.
    * “Kyrie” by Mr. Mister: genuflections–this one was the only one (besides “Stepping Out”) that went as expected. Nobody knows who Mr. Mister is.
    * “The Mountains Win Again” by Blues Traveler: step ups onstage–YHC wasn’t sure how deep into Blues Traveler this PAX may have ventured, but when Popeye shared openly that he’d shed a tear or two to this one in tenth grade, I knew I was finally among my people. He let it play out a bit just to reminisce and get some quad burn, but eventually shut it down before it got real.
    * “Boys of Summer”: BBSU–by this time, Popeye was just toying with us. He let this one linger halfway through, even giving the PAX what should have been some solid hints, but he ended up being the one to pull the trigger again after the second refrain.
    * “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood: OH press–this one actually played first, and Honeysuckle and Popeye blasted it with both barrels within the first two notes. YHC almost lost composure, but was able to hold it together and pretend that I had put that one on there as a gimme. I mean, Popeye was coming out with like middle names and birth dates and stuff.
    * “Home” by Marc Broussard: butt kicks–the title of this one was pretty self evident, but Tana came from out of nowhere with the artist within the first few seconds. This one was supposed to trip up the old guys since it’s a little more niche, but Tana swatted it like Mutombo.
    * “Paint it Black” by The Rolling Stones: calf raises–by the time this one came on, YHC already had his finger on the skip button. No hope.
    * “Drumline Cadence” Tiger Band: high knees (skipping cadence)–YHC knew this one didn’t stand much of a chance, but it’s fun. We came back to this one at the end and let it carry us out with a few minutes of cardio.
    * “Funk #49” by The James Gang: LBC’s–
    Honeysuckle: “Joe Walsh?”
    YHC: “Nope”
    HS: “Is that Joe Walsh?”
    YHC: “Nope”
    HS: “You sure that’s not Joe Walsh?”
    YHC: “Yep”
    HS: “That sounds like Joe Walsh.”
    YHC: “Nope”
    (After 4 minutes of funky guitar…)
    YHC (triumphantly): “That was Funk #49 by The James Gang”
    HS: “Wasn’t Joe Walsh the lead singer of The James Gang?”
    YHC: “Next song…”
    * “The Promise” by When in Rome: SSH–this one looked like it was gonna go all the way when Popeye had nothing and YJ was stuck on Duran Duran, but Honeysuckle was searching the dusty corners of his brain, and after a couple of minutes actually pulled this one out, title and artist. I’m still stunned.
    * “Take on Me” by a-ha: Peter Parkers–YJ, though I called him out at the end for his surprising lack of impact, he shot this one down with all speed once he heard what the exercise was. At least Paradox was grateful.
    * “Africa” by Toto: Freddy Merc–we had barely enough time to sit on the ground
    * “Lord of Hosts” by Shane and Shane: squats–This was Dox’s only contribution, but it took him about three quarters of the way through the song to give Tana enough information to spark old youth group memories, and the artist was identified. Not long afterward, the title was deduced, and squats were squashed.

    Thankfully, YHC created what had seemed like a much longer list than was necessary, so we only had to fill a few minutes at the end, but these dudes had me sweating, and they successfully brought about the easiest Goose Q on record. It was worth it, though, to know that I’m no longer alone. Not only did these guys know the music, they knew that it was good. Last week, Yank decried millenial music, but we still had to endure it–this week, we shunned it altogether and hopefully provided at least a few of the “kids these days” with some quality craftsmanship. You’re welcome.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • 80 Miles to Sante Fe – from Paradox

    What comes to mind when you think of the absolute cutting edge of human performance? Ultra marathons, Saturdiddles, special ops training, Cardinal crab walking … I’m talking the outer limits of human capabilities here. Well men I have a new challenging feat of strength to add to this pantheon of greatness. A rigorous 5 day crucible that tests the mind, body, spirit, and even Rouses endless supply of 100% juice capri suns.

    Some only live through it to tell the tale…
    That’s how I found myself shoulder to shoulder with Econoline this week at 8:15am on a casual Tuesday in the Chackbay Catholic center, awaiting our first rotation of children.
    There we stood at the game station like 2 young hobbits awaiting 10,000 orcs at Helms deep. (Jk jk your children are all angels )
    It was about to begin…
    The great battle of our time..
    Being group leaders at…
    VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL

    Duke put down that snack pack and roll the footage . It’s VBS week!

    Warmup
    The usuals with spikes of chatter with Tanas gigi arrival and Gooses wearing a crosscut necklace of cloth but mostly silent focus on preserving precious oxygen with furtive glances at YHCs entire cone collection in the big field being guarded by BAPs. Sooooon….

    To kickoff the shenanigans YHC explained the similarities between VBS stations and F3 and that we would train as group leaders today to get a taste of the action.

    Opening ceremony

    Needs to be high energy , get the blood pumping but also you need to run full speed backwards because you forgot your 2.0 shoes and he has not a care in the world of being barefoot in public.

    Indian run around the big loop with Nur to the front to take us to the Chimney.

    Game Station #1
    Hula Hoop Relay race

    Break into 3 teams
    1 team mate does hula hop to and around cone
    Rest of Team does 4 merkins, 4 sqats , 4 SSH , 4 BBSU (4x4x4x4 (tM)
    Until all complete and must slide the hula hoop down the line.
    Enron clearly ignored the PDF and instructional video YHC sent him about the 4x4x4x4 and he still had questions. Ya hate to see that from the self proclaimed smartest man in the room.
    In the end Team Goose took the title and gifted the losers with 25 monkey humpers, in an unrelated note we now cannot go within 100 feet of the St Joe carpool pickup line.

    To the tennis court

    Every great VBS must have catchy songs that get implanted into your brain and this week we talked with the kids a lot about listening to God for your call…

    Music Station #1
    “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
    1 Merkin on “maybe” and “baby “
    Holding plank in a circle of pax and Pass the Hula Hoop with hands and feet.
    if it’s on you during call me maybe then you do 3 merkins.
    The pax got pretty good at passing that hula at lightning speed and WetTap has even adopted this as his on call theme song.

    Arts and Crafts Station #1

    Another vital part of VBS is a crafting station and no craft session is complete without rock paper and scissors. Pax paired up for escalating rounds of Rochamburpee with 2 more burpees for the loser each round till we reached 12. Not sure how everyone faired here but it seemed like burpees were enjoyed by all.

    Mosey to the Thunder dome

    Music Station #2
    Over the past 2 years selecting “F3 songs” has become a cherished pastime at YHCs house. There’s no definitive criteria but you know a really good one when you hear it. YHC recently stumbled upon the #SWT (Ronnie would later figure out this was Songs With Triggers) channel of f3 slack and uncovered an absolute gem.
    I needed a song to represent this weeks teaching of finding a quiet place to pray and it just so happened that Dean Summerwind had provided directions to a quiet lake where we could park just 80 miles from Santa Fe.

    “Parked by the Lake “
    Dean Summerwind
    Hold Al Gore with
    Bonnie Blair’s on “Parked”
    Tin Soldiers on “Santa Fe”
    Squats on “Lake”

    I hope it met Popeyes high expectations. It will be added to my F3 Song Hall of Fame as Diddle proclaimed it both right and just.

    Game Station #2
    Duck- Duck Goose
    Pax plank up in a circle facing outward. One pax selects a “Goose” by running around and tapping them on the head while the pax knock out plank related exercises (Merkin, plank jacks, MCs)
    The real honker himself got us started and we had Some close battles here with the Dawson 2.0s showing some serious evasive maneuvers.

    Arts and craft Station #2
    – color our ABCs
    PAX on our six with legs up to spell out VACATION BIBLE SCHOOOL (those Os are just too fun)

    Mosey to big field and as we turned the corner BAPS was seen and one pax yelled “is Jeaux here?”
    A simple question but it nearly derailed me as I couldn’t shake the image of YJ crouched in his van with binoculars and 1980s spy equipment writing down notes and mumbling “I knew it” .
    I composed myself and we arrived safely at the Grand Finale.

    Every VBS ends with a grand finale Friday where you showcase everything you learned through the week. So YHC unveiled the ultimate VBS obstacle course
    We split into two teams started some SSH and each team let one pax into the race at a time until they got to the minefield.
    BAPS provided “the final countdown” and We raced through..

    1. Dizzy bat
    2. Lunges
    3. Merkin minefield with CrawlBears (5 merkins if you knock down a cone)
    4. Broad jump burpees
    5. Suicide Trifecta (Nur, Run, Carioca)
    We grabbed our ever growing pile of gear and moseyed back to the flag for people’s choice Mary to represent your kids showing you all the stuff they learned during the week.
    Dr Ws, Penguins, Fred Merk, fire hydrants , WW1 sit-ups with Yote till the buzzer.

    Count o Rama, NamoRama
    GiGi found a new home with Ronnie and the Animal went back to the Goose nest with concerns that Crosscut was on his last microfiber.

    COT with continued prayers for the St Pierre family
    Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC has a special place in his heart for VBS. Growing up it was always the mark of deep summer and where the seeds of my faith were first planted. (It’s where I picked up a love for relay races and obstacle courses!)
    It’s also a great reminder to me to search for simple yet profound truths and to strive for a childlike faith. Grateful for the men of F3 as we help each other walk a straighter path.

    PPS (Pickleteria PostScript) sponsored by Joola

    Following the beatdown several Pax gathered at the thunderDome for the first ever Pickleteria . Tana and Dilly graciously provided the pickleGear and all the fixings for Americas fastest growing game. In a thrilling opening match Team Dawson narrowly took down Threat Level Midnight 11-2. Acting manager of TLM Ronnie Lillich was optimistic for the teams growth during the post match interview: “Dox has a floppy wrist, plain and simple,I was carrying him. His mind was boggled about the kitchen and he lost his composure”. Sounds like TLM is going through a “rebuilding year” but a lot of league experts say Dox had a dollar store paddle. Ya hate to pickle with that.
    Well , It’s safe to say that the pickle fever has spread rapidly and the only question left is ..same time next week?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • I Ain’t No Hollaback Q! – from Yankee Joe

    For the love of Pete! Kids, turn off that durn radio television thing! I can’t hear myself think. I’m trying to type a summary brief of my exercise regimen I did with some other fellers this morning.

    What? It’s not a TV, it’s a tablet? Are you stupid? Do you see a chisel? I don’t care if you’re bored. Go outside! In my day, we would play outside all day. Hell, we were forced to sleep outside with the dogs. We drank hose water and lit M80’s while holding them in our mouth. We punched each other in the groin to say hello and ate grass for a snack. AND we were damn GRATEFUL for it. Grateful I tell you! We were tough as nails!

    What’s that you say? You didn’t know the tinted glitter sunscreen was for Dad’s perfectly manscaped chest? I guess you expect me to drive a golf cart down 30A with un-coiffed chest hair?

    What? You didn’t know that blood orange Perrier came from a garden hose? Go back to Navarre Beach if you want La Croix. I’m not raising peasants here.

    What do you mean you’re scared of my avocado-cucumber bro-mask? You think this skin tone just HAPPENS? Now shut your cute little pie holes…I’m trying to decide which organic tea to brew before my online Pilates class. Freakin’ kids…the minute I break out my typewriter…

    —————————

    YHC was planning on maybe 5 – 8 PAX for a humid Tuesday Tuff. Paradiddle suggested that it was cute that YHC thought 8 was a big showing. The beatdown was optimistically built for 10. At 5:10, 8 PAX were mulling around…and then they kept coming (some in minivans, some in brand new Mercedes SUV’s). With a minute to spare, we hit 14! YHC quickly started recalculating (while panicking) the beatdown logistics. It was going to be messy. It didn’t help that Paradox was in YHC’s ear singing 8 mile lyrics. Was this my one chance to blow? Then a 15th figure strolling up. Another FNG! YAY, but holy crap!

    That said, WELCOME to Bone Thug! It’s nice to FINALLY have a medical professional in the PAX now. I can’t imagine walking up to 14 strangers in the dark. Thug’s F3 name seems appropriate on many levels.

    Also, it’s really inspiring to see Honeysuckle, A merica’s Best, and Popeye all turning into regulars and providing some much needed maturity. (Shut up, Paradox. You’re a thick candy shell.) Seriously, you guys bring great energy, mumblechatter, and in Suckle’s case, a bunch of cinderblocks. It should be notet that Popeye was a huge part of F3 Thibodaux gaining momentum in the first place. Huge T-Claps. I hope the fruits of your early labor were clear to see this morning (Goose’s pastel crop top notwithstanding).

    ——————————

    CONTEXT

    In the era of “millennial songs,” we were subjected to a never-ending barrage of mind-numbing, soulless, and insipid compositions that represent the epitome of artistic decay. These so-called “songs” epitomize everything that is wrong with the modern music industry, where substance is traded for superficiality, and originality is replaced by generic formulas that appeal to the lowest common denominator.

    Ok, ok…that’s a bit much…especially coming from a 44-year old YHC who at one time in 8th grade thought Young MC, Tone Loc, and Vanilla Ice were prophets; that “She Drives Me Crazy” by the Fine Young Cannibals spoke my truth, and that Z Cavariccis with 75 pleats (and tight rolled around the ankles) was THE fashion here to stay. Fast forward a few years, and we won’t even bring up Oasis, Dave Matthews Band, Counting Crows, or the Black Eyed Peas. Yikes.

    ——————————

    THEME

    ANYWAY, lately, there seems to have been some confusion about those anthems which define generations. Per usual, the Gen Xers and Gen Zers don’t really care. It’s the Millennials, however, who always seem to be BEARing a grudge against their foreBEARers.

    I don’t blame them. If I was coming of age with Avril Lavigne hitting the scene instead of Guns n Roses, or BEARing the brunt of songs like “I kissed a Girl” instead of “Even Flow,” or groups like Blink 182 instead of…well any other group…ever, I’d be harboring some deeply confusing issues too. I’d be BEARing my chest and screaming “WHY oh WHY?” Of course, I’m BEARly scratching the surface here. But seriously, Justin Bieber? Just unBEARable.

    So, as Paradox (fine, he’s a medical “professional”), who is diligent about the PAX wellbeing, would say…”The PAX needed healing.” BUT what kind of bridge could we bring to BEAR that would connect our generations? Could these 30-somethings BEAR to hear the truth? Or would we have to BEAR down and drop reality bombs? BEAR. BEAR. BEAR.

    YHC’s 2.0’s offered the answer as they sang along to ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.” The story was originally introduced in a 1989 book and then remade in a 2015 cartoon, neatly connecting the Gen Xers, Millennials, Gen Zers, and every other group in between and following.

    So to take these important steps in healing, we’re going on a millennial…er I mean a BEAR hunt this morning. F3 style.

    Call it a journey through lyrical crap.

    —————————-

    THE BEATDOWN

    Thang 1: Climbing the Mountain (Stage to Sidewalk)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a scarrrry mountain shaped like a desperate cry for help!

    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to go through it,
    Gotta go over it with a bunch of stupid coupon exercises!

    Burpee penalty – Avril Lavigne – Skatr Boi (penalty averted by Paradiddle)

    10 man makers (45 sec)
    20 overhead presses (40 sec)
    30 curls (20 sec)
    40 merkins (60 sec) /
    30 curls (20 sec)
    20 overhead presses (40 sec)
    10 man makers (45 sec)
    Al Gore cheering on SIX

    —————————–
    Thang 2 – Narrow Pass (Sidewalk to Stage)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a really narrow pass, so narrow, too narrow for north louisiana egoes to pass through!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to go through it – with a crap load of leg exercises and burpees!

    Teams of 8
    First two teams Block and Bears to mid point; other teams chilcutt peter parkers
    – 20 apollo ono’s 2:1 – all (1 min)
    – 20 prisoner squats
    – 20 bonnies 2:1
    Block and Bears to Stage (next group goes when prior team begins last exercise)
    – Chilcutt peter parkers while waiting

    —————————-
    Punishment Song (just because) – LMFAO – I’m Sexy and I Know It
    – SSH on verses
    – Burpee on “look at that body”
    – Star jump on “I, I, I work out”
    – Hillbilly walkers on “I’m sexy and I know it”
    – Fast high knees on “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle”

    Coupon mosey to top track half point of field, roadside

    —————————–
    Thang 3 – Cross the field (Across short field, roadside)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a beautiful field full of the dying culture of 30 somethings!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to murder bunny through it!

    Burpee penalty – Katy Perry – I Kissed a Girl (didn’t get a chance to play, because YHC is old and forgot)

    Murder bunny to halfway
    – 25 coupon LBCs
    – 25 coupon flutters (2:1)
    – 25 freddie mercs (2:1)
    Murder bunny to street

    ———————————
    Thang 4 – Traverse the River (Across street)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a raging river of passive aggressive Chackbay snark!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to rifle carry coupons through it!

    Burpee penalty – Gwen Stefani – Holla Back Girl (didn’t play because of time constraints)

    Rifle carry/Groucho Walk (side to side squat) across street
    Mosey left to corner, leaving Cindies

    Uh, oh! It’s dark in here.
    I feel something,
    It has lots of quaffed hair!
    It’s soft like a douche bag! With two heads!
    AHHHHH It’s Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston!

    Song: Eenie Meenie (aka top five worst songs in history)
    – Plank jacks on intro (you need to read this crap)
    – Mtn Climbers on Mind, Time, Wind
    – Groiners on refrain

    —————————————
    COT, GiGi was passed from Superfun(d) to Paradox (again), we welcomed Bone Thug, and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    One of YHC’s research streams is around market segments and generational trends. Of course, it is helpful to have reference points as styles and fashions come and go. At the end of the day, however, it’s just not that complicated. The good stuff sticks around and the crappy stuff dies. It’s always been about quality. So, no need to continue this generational feud. We just need to be on the same page that high quality music disappeared around 1994.

    Today was a bit of a dumpster fire, but I am genuinely grateful and always humbled to fight the good fight with each of you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Beating Tires and Rocking Out to Skynyrd – from Smooth Operator

    Beating tires and rocking out to Skynyrd
    7/17/23
    Attendance
    Goldilox
    Paradox
    Goose
    Pope
    Cardinal
    Goats in the Machine
    Paradiddle
    Econoline
    FNG
    Smooth Operator

    I have always been a big fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd since I was a kid. Their music reminds me of hanging out with my dad whom always seemed to have their music on in his old truck. The other day I was feeling stuck in a rut and decided to let Spotify try and help clear my head. “4 walls of Raiford” by Lynyrd Skynyrd came on and instantly gave me a fresh new prospective on my problems. My little problems weren’t anything compared to this poor Vietnam Vet whom got caught up in a bad spot and ended up doing time in Raiford prison in Florida. Anyway lets get into it.

    I showed up this morning after a long wet night at work, but was feeling pretty good with a couple new additional props for this mornings beatdown. Lox showed up first with a FNG, and after that it was like the PAX flood gates opened up. Around 5:10 Goats in the Machine decided to grace us with his presence, it’s good to have you back buddy. I was hoping to see an ole Chevy pulling in to the subdivision around 0518 but I guess we will have to wait till Tuesday Tuff to start Frenchy’s comeback.

    Warm ups went as follows:
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers

    Cadence left something to be desired, I’ll go ahead and blame in on sleep deprivation along with the rest of the beatdown explanation.

    THANG

    After warm ups, we went up on the stage and picked out a cell mate. For here little JBL came to life with 4 walls of Raiford. One half the cell would be doing box jumps and the other would be doing merkins and we would switch in between verses. This proved to be pretty tough with the long dragged out guitar solos and YHC thought it was perfect. No reason to get in a hurry.

    After the song finished we moseyed to the bumper and back to the flag where YHC set up 2 tires I found on side the road along with an 8 lb. maul and a really cool looking 8 to 10 lb. axe hammer which was a YHC impulse buy. The second part of the thang was a hammer swing timer which YHC felt the need to put in there to signify the digging ditches for the chain gang portion of the beatdown. While the PAX would be doing AMRAP of Man-makers . Half the PAX would be responsible for getting 20 hammer swings done on the two old tires. This worked pretty good but I probably forgot to mention it the first time around that only half the PAX needed to swing since all the PAX ended up beating them tires like they was the devil.

    After this we Moseyed around the mini track and headed back to the Jailhouse (Stage) for another Jail cell beatdown while JBL jamming to songs like Simple Man, Balled of Curtis Loew, Tuesday’s Gone, Sweet Home Alabama, Free Bird.

    The second round of the jail cell beatdown would go like this one cell mate would complete 8 reps of burpees while the other cell mate would complete 8 reps of prison squats. Then they would switch. After this we would move down to 7 reps and so forth until we reached 0 planking up upon completion. As a group we moseyed to the bumper and back to the tire beatdown for more hammer swings and man-makers. YHC must have reiterated the need for only half the PAX to give us the 20 reps of hammer swings to move on because we got it right this time. After we completed this along with more man-makers AMRAP, we moseyed around the track back to the jailhouse for today’s final round of jailhouse beatdown.

    The final round of Jailhouse beatdown went similar to the initial round. It was set to the song “Mr. Banker” and the exercises to complete would be Apolo Onos and Freak Nasties switching in between verses again. After switching 3 or 4 times YHC showed the PAX mercy and we abandoned the Freak Nasties due to YHC wanting to get those glutes some extra work.

    From here, we had roughly 5 minutes left and YHC felt a strong pull to beat those tires again so that’s what we did. The other half the PAX beat on some tires 2 by 2 while all the PAX did more man-makers until 0559 when YHC called it.

    Announcement

    Animal shirt went from Econoline to a well deserving Pope.
    Our new FNG supplied by LOX was given the name Longhorn due to being from Oklahoma and a Sooner fan.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    Thanks to everyone who came out and put in the work, y’all kicked this beatdown’s butt.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator