F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl tag/ Oliver Anthony – from Smooth Operator

    8/29/23 St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl Tag/Oliver Anthony

    Attendance
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Dumbledore
    Yankee Joe
    Honeysuckle
    Americas Best
    Safety Valve
    Tana
    Paradox
    Smooth Operator

    This morning YHC had some serious trouble getting out of bed. The only thing that kept me from sleeping till 0900 was my commitment to the HC and the idea of some shared suffering with friends.

    YHC arrived around 0505 on the heels of Paradox to find Enron and Dumbledore waiting on us. After a request for a music box in the group text fell unanswered, YHC just assumed Dox would have JBL on standby as usual. When Dox was confronted about JBL, you could have sworn he left one of his kids home unattended with the stove set to broil by his reaction. Dox started running straight to a groggy Yankee Joe whom had car pooled with AB and Honeysuckle to no avail. Finally, St. John’s place podna Safety Valve came through in the clutch and pulled out what appeared to be a lunch box out of the Platinum. After confirming this was indeed a speaker and not a PB and J sandwich holder, YHC saw the name on the front was turtle box. YHC has seen quite a few speakers that have graced the PAX with tunes throughout my 7 or 8 month tenure as a PAX member, none have jammed quite like the Turtle. The rest of the PAX pulled up and we started warmarama at 0516.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Windmills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers
    Pairing up for Thang 1
    Coupon curb mosey to pick up 1 coupon per pair

    Today is the Feast of the passion of St. John the Baptist. YHC was very short on my explanation of why we were doing the couple of exercise because of time constraints, but the main points of my research and reasoning behind this beat down were 3 things. John the Baptist was sent by God to make straight the road for Jesus Christ which we will touch on with thang #1. John the Baptist was also sent by God to preach repentance and spread the news of Jesus ministry, which we will touch on in thang #2. Thang #3 didn’t have much to do with John the Baptist, it had more to do with shared suffering and these songs have been very helpful for me while dealing with my recent hardships.

    Alright let’s get on with it.

    Thang #1
    Catch me if you can/ murder bunny version

    Thang one ties in with John the Baptist because we are going to literally make the path straight for our partners to run behind us by pounding the ground flat with coupons. We moseyed to the big field down the bayou from the stage. After finalizing our partnerships, YHC set out to explain Catch me if you can which I remembered really enjoying a Goat’s beatdown where this was involved. Basically partner 1 starts murder bunnying across the field toward white fence and back. Partner 2 will complete 5 goosees and then sprint to partner one and catch him. After this the partners will switch until they have completed 3 times from the street to the white fence. After this the Pax did the same exercise except we lunge walked instead of murder bunnyed and did 5 merkins instead of goosees. We completed 2 more street to white fence reps. The PAX did awesome on this exercise and shout out to Dumbledore taking care of his portion of the work and alot of mine. That dude is a beast and probably a future animal if the current owner of the animal shirt ever brings it back to a beatdown.

    Thang #2
    Bear crawl tag
    Earlier this summer, Tractor and I were outside playing tag. We had the sprinklers on, Jack be Nimble was running around spraying people down with a hose pipe. Miller was probably trying to find a new way to get hurt. Well YHC was tired of running after that little speedster tractor and we decided to try something new. Tag but on all fours. We did this for at least an hour and tractors stayed smiling for way longer than that. Then the wheels started turning and YHC knew he needed to work this one into a beat down. Alright back to reality, the rules for this one were relatively simple, we all
    Bear crawl, YHC would start out as IT. As I tagged people they would do 5 merkins and then be IT along with myself. We would continue on until 1 person was left standing. Then they would start the next game being it. Well due to time restraints we only played one game, but this one will make a comeback.

    Thang #3
    Musical beatdown.
    With a little over 15 minutes we had the perfect amount of time to get through the 3 songs I picked out for today. These songs were very helpful with YHC coping with the hardships I been experiencing lately and I really wanted to share them with the PAX.
    There has been a craze over a farmer from Virginia lately. He goes by Oliver Anthony and he sings some simple songs that have messages that are strong in character.

    The first song was titled Rich Man’s Gold.
    The PAX would be changing levels from mission impossible and high plank whenever there is a break in the lyrics. YHC stressed it was not important in getting all the lyrical breaks correct it was all about the effort.

    After this we moved on to the second song Rich men from Richmond. This song is what made Oliver Anthony popular. Contrary to popular belief, Oliver Anthony is not a conservative. He pretty much said he doesn’t like any politicians. On the second song we would be changing levels again in the breaks in the lyrics. We would be switching from deep squat, Al gore or mid level squat, to an athletic position. As the song went on, YHC ability to distinguish the breaks in the lyrics got worse and worse.

    The last song was a song from Larry Fleet, Where I find God. For this one we would be holding 6” and with ever break in the lyrics we would be doing a leg raise. 3/4 of the way through we hit 0600. The Pax seemed pretty content with this.

    After this we had COT. A few of us had problems counting off. Announcements revealed that Enron had the Q for Thursday at the Lion’s Den. We expressed intentions for all the PAX members whom M’s are pregnant and Safety Valve prayed us out.

    Thanks to all who showed up. Keep up the good work and thanks for pushing me to be a better man.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • “Sweet Summer Rain…” – from Goose

    As the thunder rolled and the lightning struck starting at about 3am, YHC wondered how many more fartsackers would avoid this morning’s romp than the usual Goose-Q checkouts. But, as it strangely does on F3 mornings, the weather let up at around 5:00am, and this morning it eased to a gentle drizzle and some beautiful lightning in the distant sky. YHC couldn’t have ordered it up better, especially after the streak of stifling sizzlers we’ve been enduring for the past month or so.
    After a warmup of the usuals plus some lower back work, we moseyed to the coupon stack to grab a few. YHC stopped by the truck to grab the beautiful, readable marker board that YHC’s M prepared for this morning’s IPC prep, and we set up the easel facing the parking lot, on purpose, so everyone could read it since exercises would be done on the concrete and the grass.
    YHC is a little wary of all the HR merkins, goblet squats, and kettle bell swings that we’re destined to burn out on this coming Saturday morning, so I figured we’d utilize the opportunity to strengthen the same joints we’ll be straining since we’re five days out, enough time to grow some muscle around them.

    The board said:
    15 of each, 10 burpees, then Stop Sign run
    -HR Merkins
    -BB situps
    -Goblet Squats
    -Dips
    -OH Presses
    -Flutter kicks (4-count)
    -Kettle Bell Swings
    -10 Burpees

    And, the grind began. Lil’ Cuz brought an FNG from the far north (round Homer somewhere–newly named Barney Fife), but in my own wet fog, I didn’t see how he managed. Seemed ok at the end, though. The men were unusual quiet as they slogged through it, though YHC was grateful for Paradox’s verbosity, which served as a distraction during the runs. (It was good to have a reason to push, too–can’t have anybody too far ahead of me, and Dox was feeling froggy this morning.). Dumbledore continues to impress as he kept moving despite foggy glasses, and Cardinal stayed right behind us the entire time looking fit in that Carolina blue.

    YHC was grateful for these dudes and their willingness to grind through this wet morning. It’s an experience that’s hard to match, and it changes everything when you’re sharing it with quality men.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Jurpee: Live and Deconstructed – from Yankee Joe

    Quick Note:

    Gentlemen, this beatdown was just hard. I appreciate and admire how each of you simply took care of business. Though Q-drenaline is real, I can say that when my tank is empty and my brain is lying to me, all I need to do is look around at the PAX to regain momentum. In my experience, there’s no amount of self discipline or mental toughness that can manufacture that last mile push. This is why the gym membership, by itself, will eventually fail.

    If you have not Q’d a beatdown yet, get on the books. I promise you are READY.

    The Blast
    —————————————–

    Wednesday Night – 6:45 pm

    YHC: “Hey Babe…can you come look at this beatdown design real quick?”

    M: “Sure, I can’t think of anything else that would be a better use of our time while trying to get kids ready for bed.”

    YHC: “I totally agree! Ok…do you think 200 burpees is too much?”

    M: “Honey, we talked about this. You don’t make friends by trying to hurt them.”

    YHC: “C’mon…it’s not like that…the guys will love this stuff.”

    M: “Really? Doesn’t half of F3 Thiboduax go to the same chiropractor?”

    YHC: “Umm. Actually, now that you mention it, yes…yes they do. Hey…do me a favor and don’t mention the Chiropractor thing to Paradox. He gets real sensitive about it.”

    ——————————————-

    Thursday Morning – 6:45 am

    2.0: “Daddy, are you in here? I heard noises like a dinosaur. Why are you on the floor next to the potty”

    YHC: “Hey, sweetheart. Yes, I’m fine. Daddy’s tummy is a little upset.”

    2.0: “Why?”

    YHC: “Daddy did a really hard workout this morning with lots of those burpee things I showed you.”

    2.0: “Why?”

    YHC: “I thought it would be fun.”

    2.0: “It’s not fun to hurt your friends. Did you throw up on Mr. Enron again?”

    YHC: “I did NOT throw up on Mr. Enron. How many times do I have to tell you?”

    —————————————–
    The Inspiration

    We are just mere days away from the best time of the year – The Iron Pax Challenge. The F3 Thibodaux draft class of 2023, as mentioned in prior blasts, has reshaped the PAX into a collective of bad, bad men…or bawzzz as it were – Michelin, French Horn, Michelin, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Bone Thug, Safety Valve, and Dumbledore. This group of monsters have not experienced IPC’s path-altering power. I’m not sure about Popeye and Paradiddle since they are part of the F3 Thibby OG. Yeah, you know me.

    IPC has a way of changing a man, breaking through and shattering the false ceilings of what he thinks he can or can’t do. Lil’ Cuz and Superfund as FNG’s, were (as Dox eloquently noted) “forged” in the IPC fires. Once a week in September, with pre-blast in hand, each man voluntarily embraces a level of such exertion that chatter simply vanishes and is replaced by venomous snark.

    For those less familiar, I offer the following snapshot from various IPC beatdowns last year.

    —————————————–
    After a few minutes, you’re already in pain. You start becoming confused. You can’t understand how any actual human can do this amount of man-makers (burpees with a coupon). You think back on the F3 Greenwood pre-blast video tutorials. Ben Gay, with a smug smirk, describes the week’s torture like it’s directions for making frozen pizza. He has a few jabronies jump into frame to demonstrate like THREE REPS of the various exercises. You hate their perfect Bonnie Blair form with their stupid pumping arms. You’re like, “C’mon… if I only had to do a few reps, I could bring my ass to the ground like a catcher on a coupon thruster too.” The hate starts to consume you.

    You try not to drop your coupon on Enron’s toes after he comments on your inability to tell time (You’ll get your vengeance during the Skinny Runner IPC, watching him desperately try to use a jump rope). You see Montana waving frantically at the “we’re not worthy” station. Your legs are wet noodles, and you stumble across the field to change the song as BAPS very loudly blares that particularly offensive (and REPEATING) lyric in Rage’s “Killing in the Name.” Why? Because there’s a Family Fun Run at the Peltch. Moms are blushing. Kids are crying. Dads are moshing.

    You’re out of breath…there is no side conversation. You see Cardinal toss his coupon 10 yards after each set, disgusted by the very nature of the beatdown design. You think to yourself that there hasn’t been something this awful since the casting tragedy for High King Peter in the Narnia movies. They might as well have cast Jar Jar. At least Jar Jar had a story arc of growth and purpose. King Peter enters the plot as a douche wagon…and well, upgrades to a minivan.

    You look over, marveling at how Goose and Wet Tap can be so far ahead of everyone else…hoping deep down that you’ll catch them executing poor form. You hear ‘Lil Cuz lament that he should have taken the glove recommendation seriously, and yet he’s still plowing through with bloody, blistery hands. You know that Paradox typically takes off his shirt when a beatdown starts getting serious…about half way through. This day, you’re horrified to see him lose the shirt, and we’re only five minutes in. Instead of running between exercises, you’re shuffling like a prisoner with ankle cuffs on. It’s like the opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan.” Everything sounds warped like you’re underwater. You think, “ I can’t keep going…not even one more rep. Not one more step.”

    But you’re wrong. You CAN do more reps. And you do them. Then time is called and it’s over. Suddenly, you love everything and everyone. You praise F3 Greenwood for their misunderstood creativity. You spit out endorphin laced Dad jokes and everyone laughs. It’s an emotional and physical rollercoaster. IPC is where YHC turned the corner in F3. I’ve been waiting so patiently. It really is the best time of the year.
    ————————————-

    So….

    The On Ramp

    14 PAX showed up to the Den on a Thursday morning. Today was forecast to set heat index records. By 5:15 am, the heat index was already 90 degrees. The humidity was hovering around 70%. As French Horn would say, “Bruhhhh…it was nastayyy.” Before getting out of the douche wagon, America’s Best presented YHC with his ‘hot off the press’ prescription glasses. This exceptional customer service wouldn’t save him from the morning’s misery, but I did feel a little guilty if that counts for anything. The only other medical professional I’ve known that offers such unparalleled customer satisfaction is a Chiropractor in Raceland. (That noise you’re hearing? Bad words being yelled in Homerican…)

    The PAX seemed oddly quiet. Was it because YHC’s subtle pre-hype about burpees wasn’t so subtle? Was it because they heard YHC talking to Goose about doing Goosey’s (bonnie blair with squat jump) as a MODIFICATION? Perhaps it was because the SV500 tank top club is super elitist and the rest of us felt left out. Who’s to say? With French Horn posting two days in a row, however, James Hetfield would insist nothing else matters.

    Usual warmarama with some extra arm and hamstring stretches, then off to the lighted tennis/pickleball courts where BAPS awaited us with superior sound quality and epic beats.

    Our rev up song was “Call On Me” by Eric Prydz. The PAX would do Burpees on “Call On Me,” recover in between. There were 51 burpee opportunities. At this point, there was still minimal chatter. The pace was fast between burpee triggers. In fact, “Call On Me” are the only words in the song. The men were beasts. YHC was not.

    ————————————-
    The Thang

    For the main event, we put together a deconstructed burpee with some core. The objective was to mimic the AMRAP nature of many IPC beatdowns. YHC would set the clock for 20 minutes and the PAX would complete as many rounds as possible in that time. Following the lead of Ben Gay, YHC demonstrated the various exercises in three-rep increments. The PAX was not pleased to learn that the actual rep count was 20 for each exercise. YHC did his best to soften the misery with a carefully curated EDM playlist.

    The Deconstructed Jurpee – AMRAP rounds for 20 min. (goal of 5 rounds)

    20 medium slow and low squats
    20 groiners
    20 merkins
    20 groiners
    20 jump squats with arms raised
    20 LBC’s
    20 leg raises

    Per usual, I looked across the circle to see Goose, Wet Tap, and Pope breezing through the rounds. Honeysuckle looked almost bored, but sweating profusely, nonetheless. Smooth was grinding as always, shirt off, and knocking out merkins like it was nothin’. Safety Valve continues to impress and looks similar to Paradiddle with his methodical (and dare I say, perfect) form. Cardinal was straight up working! With a focused, stoic expression, he was not shying away from one of the things he hates most in life…the burpee (a close second to misguided telecommunications consumer choices).

    Heck, even Montana’s form wasn’t criminal. All the more impressive considering that a burpee is not really conducive to being 6’ 7.” Every time YHC looked over at Paradox, he just “happened” to be doing leg raises, but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. However, he was the biggest cheerleader of the playlist, which I genuinely appreciate considering I spent 45 minutes trying to find the perfect EDM cover of “Wellerman.”

    ————————————–
    YHC called time and with six minutes left in the beatdown, two options were planned…Mary or another longish song with burpee triggers. It was safe to say that the AMRAP deconstructed burpee had served its purpose. Except for Pope, the rest of us were wet toast. I offered ONLY the latter option to the PAX. I have no doubt that internally, each of us thought it was as dumb an idea as remaking Willow. Lucasfilm, that’s enough. Haven’t you hurt society enough? Audibly though, to a man, all chose death over cake.

    So, burpees for every male chorus response. 53 triggers to be exact. With the Pet Shop Boys reinvigorating our souls, the PAX did four minutes of “Go West” before time was called and we moseyed back to a sullen Aslan. No doubt lamenting his choice of High King.

    COT, the ANIMAL and GiGi tanks were nowhere to be seen, and Goose prayed us out.

    ———————————-

    Have a Cup of Jeaux

    I’m going to leave this here…

    Episodes 1 – 3 should be stricken from the record. Completely. Never happened. Do it again. George Lucas can hang out on set, but he gets zero input on the writing.

    If you don’t know what Episodes 1 – 3 refers to, ignorance is literally bliss. If you liked Episodes 1 – 3, you’re probably High King Peter.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux

  • Run Lift Shoot Beatdown – from Smooth Operator

    Attendance
    Goose
    POPE
    Tana
    Safety Valve
    Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up at the stage around 5 o’clock followed closely by Tana and Wet Tap whom looked on with curiosity as I set up and tested the final Thang of the morning. After this Goose and a sore Pope pulled up ready to get another week started. Right before we started stretching Safety valve came rolling up which means St. John’s Place had a strong showing as usual. I guess the Rienzi (30A) clan needed their beauty sleep.

    Warm ups
    SSH 27 count
    Windmills
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Mosey to the coupon corral for some goodies

    YHC decided to continue on with Paradox’s Memorable Men Mondays with a different type of high character man. YHC’s addition to triple M is an ultra marathon running, weight lifting, bow hunter whom’s goal is to be the unobtainable Ultimate Predator. I first heard of this fella while listening to the Joe Rogan Podcast, he has been on the podcast a number of times. Recently YHC started reading his book titled Endure which is an autobiography that shows this dude was a normal guy before he picked up bow hunting then he started training to become the best bow hunter he could be all while having a family, and working a 9 to 5 job. Today he is probably one of the biggest names in bow hunting. His name is Cam Hanes.

    Cam Hanes started his own YouTube channel and one of his programs is titled Run Lift Shoot. He takes different types of people and brings them run a trail up a mountain, brings them back to the gym and to move some weight, and finally brings them to get fitted for a bow and teaches them how to launch arrows at targets. YHC decided we would be doing a F3 version of Run Lift Shoot.

    Thang 1
    Run Indian
    YHC decided we would be doing a Run Indian for the running portion. which was introduced to me by Wet Tap. Basically the lead man calls out an exercise and will complete 10 reps of it. The rest of the pax will complete 5 and will run the rich man loop trail we normally run. The lead man will sprint to catch up and once he gets to the Pax the next lead man will call out an exercise and the process starts over again. This seemed like a good idea until YHC realized that we were moving at Gazelle speed instead of Clydesdales speed. We finished the exercise out with a 150 yard all out sprint to the flag.

    Thang 2
    Coupon Circuit
    After a couple of 10 counts YHC could formulate a sentence again. We would be doing 59 man makers, 59 goblet squats, 59 thrusters, and 60 overhead presses on our lifting portion of the workout. The reasoning behind this was solid, Cam Hanes broke a world record by hitting a ballon with an arrow at 237 yards (59×3)+60=237. I had good intentions but due to time constraints we needed to cut this down. We ended up going with 27 reps which was the number of miles Cam Hanes runs in a day. Even then YHC still had to pull up short on the over head presses to get to our shooting portion of the morning. The entire PAX could have earned the animal shirt with the effort they put forward.

    Thang 3
    Tire toss

    YHC thought about bring a bow and target to do a little shooting this morning but I decided we didn’t need law enforcement called on us this morning. Instead I decided to do an old fashion tire toss. First things first an exercise would be called out and the entire PAX would do 10 reps of the exercise.
    After this the tire tosser would turn around and throw the tire over their head toward a 8 lb maul which acted as our target. The next man up would then lunge walk the distance between target and the tire. We would then complete the buy in exercise as per the amount of lunges completed between maul and tire with some help from YHC. Listed below are the buy in exercises.

    C = coupon swings
    A =American hammers
    M= merkins

    H = hammer curls
    A = Australia sweat Angels
    N = Apollo unos
    E = goosees
    S = scissor kicks

    We completed the buy in for scissor kicks and Pope got to toss his second tire as the clock hit 6 o’clock.

    We hustled back to the flag and had COT and Safety Valve prayed us out. Thanks guy for sticking with me on this one. Y’all made this one fun.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • You Got Goose-Diddled! – from Goose

    The GroupMe was eerily silent last night/this morning for two reasons:

    1. French Horn had laid down a stronger than usual commitment post, and though many doubted, and many wrote and then deleted hilarious comments stating such thoughts, nobody wanted to discourage what looked to be an actually possible showing by the long-absent, greatly missed, mop-topped, boat-conceived youngster. Couldn’t risk that.

    2. Paradiddle was on the list to Q, but no hype had been posted by the ‘stached bandit nor any comment acknowledging the inevitable. Many wrote and then deleted requests for hype or temperature checks due to the fear that has now been associated with tank-tops, mouth-brows, and a white-capped abundance of hair.

    YHC thought there might be a small chance that Diddle had forgotten amidst his wild schedule, but wasn’t necessarily prepped with a back-pocket Q. Thoughts between waking and arriving had fluttered around Dilly’s spoken desire to complete grades 7-10 (left incomplete during his back to school Billy Madison Q) and memories from last year’s IPC, specifically the “Death by Skinny Runner” beatdown. So, when 5:15 arrived, and there was no Diddle, the site-Q (YHC) got excited at the opportunity to channel the inner Diddle and combine it with a little Goose-flavor and some IPC prep.

    A long warmup was needed after Smooth’s monster coupon routine yesterday, and this gave YHC some time to put the pieces together. Enron suggested the Deck o’ Death, which put the finishing touch on it, especially since YHC had also just attained some workout dice that were itching for some concrete.

    Warmups: the usual suspects plus Willy Maes Hayes and Toe Touches (bend down, touch toes, then come up and touch waist, then up straight onto toes with hands in the air = 1). Every vehicle that pulled into the neighborhood was taken to be Diddle coming in hot, but the hopes (or fears) never materialized. YHC then led a bumper to Stop sign to flag mosey to get the PAX familiar with the distance, cuz…

    Thang:
    One (or two) exercises followed by a quarter mile run, which happens to be the exact distance of the bumper to stop sign to flag loop. But, this would be a race, and the winner got to pick the next break…er, exercise. The winner could pick an exercise of their choosing or elect to roll the dice (three dice–one with reps/time and two with exercises) or pick two cards.

    Pope won the first one (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and chose low-slow squats to give the PAX a breather. Smooth made it known that now that he was comfortable with the route, he’d be smoking us all, and though he started strong with a powerful sprint on the next lap (and every one after that), long distances remain his kryptonite.

    YHC won the next, (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and we rolled the dice landing on 90 seconds of squats and penguins. The three minutes were greatly appreciated, but at this point, it had become clear that any hope of real recovery between laps was unrealistic.

    The next one was won by Honeysuckle (with Pope right behind him) who seemed to be set up to Q the rest of the beatdown, and he chose Freddy’s, which went way too fast.

    Next lap was Pope again (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and he went with a couple of cards: 16 Bonnies (1:1) and a Joker, which he turned into a 60 second Mission Impossible plank (still better than running).

    Honeysuckle took the next (surprise, surprise) and went for a dice roll in hopes that two exercises would take longer than one (and that burpees wouldn’t come up) and the risk paid off. 30 reps of leg raises and wife pleasers.

    The last lap took off at 5:57, and many of the men must have seen the time, because the performances were impressive. YHC finished first, but Yankee Joe had joined Honeysuckle and Pope right behind him, again revealing that he’s got more gas in the tank than he lets on. PAX planked until the 6 arrived, and it was 6:00.

    All in all, YHC was extremely impressed by this crew’s resilience as they pushed hard each lap. Seriously, though Pope and Honeysuckle put the bar nice and high, the rest of the bunch weren’t too far behind–every time. T-claps to Enron, YJ, and Paradox, for some noticeable pushes, and Smooth for being first off the line every time.

    More T-claps to the impressive level of mumblechatter this morning despite the lung-busting, leg-deadening work. Unfortunately, YHC’s memory has been affected by the post-beatdown brain fog, so the only one that comes to mind was Enron’s comment as we were lining up for lap 4 or 5. YHC’s hand had substantially brushed a particularly sensitive area as we crowded to be first in line, and he immediately came out with, “Man, I goosed AND diddled in one beatdown!” YHC couldn’t breathe, and it almost sabotaged the lap.
    If you remember more gems, please post them in the GroupMe to make up for YHC’s inability to immortalize them here.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • It Takes Two to Make a Thang Go Right – from Yankee Joe

    “There are two types of men in the world…Those men who fart and simply go on about their day…and then there are those who jealously guard their “silent but deadlies” like temporary super powers, strategically unleashing bombs on their children before ghosting. Of course, these two types…”

    DUKE! What are you doing? That is not the bean footage I told you to roll! I swear, you partner up with Paradox, Montana, and Cardinal ONE TIME, and it all goes off the rails.

    ———————–

    Let’s try this again and let that lime flavor Shasta flow.

    “Okay…There are two types of men in the world…Those who embrace technology and read eBooks, and those who swear they can still smell the ‘bookishness’ of a room.”

    DUUUUKE! C’mon bro, this is serious. Also, I’ll have you know I can totally smell the bookishness of a room.

    I’ll take it from here, Duke. What’s that? Well, I don’t care if Paradox gives you space for your “creative process” when writing his backblasts. Your one job is simple. Show up to the beatdown, pay attention to what the Q says, and don’t get sucked into the shenanigans of, let’s say for example, pharmaceutical sales reps and diocesan priests.

    ———————–

    (Turn cassette over to Side B)

    So, YHC was really excited about this morning’s beatdown. It would be an exclusively partner workout filled with unique partner exercises. Lately, YHC has been researching the Exicon and YouTube for innovative partner routines.

    Why is this worthy of mentioning? Well, I used to hate group or partner ‘anything’ before I got to F3. If you’re like YHC, when a project presented itself in the past, you either a) just wanted to get the job done without being bogged down or b) you were concerned you wouldn’t bring value to the table and thus bog others down. So it was with F3. I cringed every time the Q would say, “Partner up.”

    Over the past two years, it is not an exaggeration to say that F3 has almost exclusively shifted this mindset, carrying over into my work, my social life, and even my marriage. These days, I can’t get enough of partner focused beatdowns.

    That all said, It would appear that the partner beatdowns are trending across all Q’s during the past six or so months. I firmly believe this awesome PAX culture shift is due to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux Draft Class. It’s unparalleled. For perspective, I would argue the 1981 NFL draft class – Mike Singletary, Lawrence Taylor, Ronnie Lott, Howie Long, Rickey Jackson, Russ Grimm and Kenny Easley – is the best class of all time. Well, it doesn’t hold a candle to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux class. See list below.

    2023 Draft Class (FNG Date):

    – Baggins (January 9th)
    – Smooth Operator (January 12th…crazy…feels like Smooth has been around for years!)
    – AOL (January 19th)
    – French Horn (February 7th)
    – Prius (March 20th)
    – Econoline (April 19th)
    – Frank n’ Beans (May 13th)
    – Shart’eh (July 1st)
    – Michelin (June 15th)
    – Honeysuckle (July 4th)
    – America’s Best (July 11th)
    – Bone Thug (July 18th)
    – Safety Valve (July 29th)
    – Dumbledore (August 10th)

    Not to mention our badass Welcome Back Cotters, @GoldiloX and @Popeye

    Nuff said! These men have dropped an atomic verve bomb right in the middle of the PAX, creating a core that I believe could hold its own anywhere in the country…except for maybe F3 Milwaukee…I mean how do you do burpees next to Lake Michigan with a -40 degree windchill?

    —————————————
    The Forecast:

    11 PAX showed up to a surprisingly cool morning at The Lion’s Den. As mentioned prior, YHC was excited to share his partner exercise concoctions. Straight out the gate, however, trouble began. Across the Warmarama circle, Paradox’s IBS somehow took the Northwest Passage to his mouth. YHC responded with 30 cherry pickers. Didn’t phase him. Like not at all. I was optimistic though. That is, until Dox thrupled up with Montana and Cardinal. To be fair, YHC did not do a good job in accommodating any potential thruples. This is my fault, and I own it. That said, I had no idea of the intolerable…nay the mutinous repercussions that this oversight would have.

    —————————————
    The Setup:

    There would be six rounds (we only got through four) with the following format. 1) partner transport from sidewalk to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards); 2) partner exercise; 3) partner transport back to start; 4) Dora with 100 reps of various exercises.

    For music, there was a clear theme of “two” across the playlist with two additional songs from one of the greatest brotherhood movies of all time, “Stepbrothers.” In honor of that masterpiece, each team during the beatdown could yell out “Boats and Hoes.” That team could rest for 30 seconds, while the rest of the PAX sprinted to touch either a tractor or bucking milk cow with…balls (I have so many questions).

    I should note that there were two tractors, one 40 yards away and one 10 yards away. The PAX were CLEARLY instructed to run to the far tractor (or cow), NOT the near tractor only 10 yards away. As would be expected, The Triage Trio of Tana, Dox, and Card, who were yapping during the instructions, ran to the nearby tractor. As a result, the rest of the PAX followed them and were thus robbed of precious moments to get stronger. Perhaps robbed of precious minutes from their very lives. Further evidence that mumblechatter not only hurts the perpetrator, but those around him as well. Chatter kills.

    —————————————–
    The Thang:

    Round 1

    – P1 Piggy back P2 to sidewalk
    – Partner derkins
    – P1 elbow plank, P2 perpendicular to P1 with feet on P1 on upper back
    – 30 derkins, Flapjack
    – P2 piggyback P1 to start
    Dora
    – Bonnie Blair’s with bricks (2:1) 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
    – P1 run to parking lot and back, Flapjack

    Round 2

    – P1 partner drag (backward holding P2 under armpits – or man breasts in Popeye’s case) to sidewalk
    – Partner Nolan Ryans with back of hand high five x25 each side
    – P1 and P2 both in high side plank, back to back; Flapjack
    – P2 partner drag P1 to start
    Dora
    – Butterfly squats with bricks – 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    Round 3

    – Partner lunge to sidewalk
    – Partner OHP Al Gore style
    – P1 facing P2 crotch (pre-blast should ask PAX to wash ahead of time) with P2 ankles on shoulders
    – In Al Gore – 25 OHP; Flapjack
    – Partner lunge back to start
    Dora
    – Leg raises with bricks held out to side, full arm extension
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    Round 4

    – Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows to sidewalk
    – Burpee high fives x 25
    – Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows back to start
    Dora
    – J-Lo’s – 100 reps
    – P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack

    With four minutes remaining, the PAX circled up to do partner Mary. First, we did 20 (2:1) partner gas pumps (both PAX on six, butt to butt, holding hands by hips, and legs alternating sides with partner’s legs). We finished with 20 Partner plank jack shoulder taps (both PAX head to head in high plank, doing plank jacks in sync, while alternating tapping partner’s shoulder on each jack).

    —————————————

    T-Claps to Pope and Paradiddle for cruising through the beatdown like it was a stroll in the park. Huge shout out to YHC’s partner, @Popeye, who has now joined Enron in the “my back hurts from always carrying Yankee Jeaux” Club. Apologies to Popeye for the man boob assault during the backward partner drag. It hurt you more than it hurt me.

    Goose and Piccadilly were methodical as always, plowing through the pain without a single complaint. You’re both heroes in my book. Same goes to Dumbledore and Honeysuckle (sorry about those fire ants, Suckle…yikes), who didn’t even seem to break a sweat. Then Honeysuckle ran home. Like I said…2023 Draft Class…one for the ages.

    —————————————-

    Epilogue:

    After dropping off one of YHC’s 2.0’s, I had the pleasure of grabbing a cup of coffee with @Montana. During that chat, we recapped how The Thwarted Thruple (Tana, Dox, Cardinal) made accommodations for each exercise. I’m here to tell you that what was described to me was nothing short of genius. In fact, YHC has already redesigned this morning’s beatdown sequel to be thruple focused. But still…how grown men gonna act like that?

    —————————————–
    Have a Cup of Jeaux!

    Drivers who neglect to pull up for a left turn epitomize incompetence. Their inability to grasp basic traffic flow patterns disrupts everyone behind them. Who are these people? I want to pull them over not to yell, but to ask questions. I just want to understand what it is that, in their minds, would justify such callous immorality and a complete disregard for civilized society.

    Where can you find these monsters? That’s easy. Perhaps, the nation’s greatest example of this unscrupulous behavior is on full, incomprehensible display in Thibodaux…when trying to take a left on the bayou bridge at the corner of Canal and HWY 1, heading toward Nicholls.

    Don’t tell me about traffic laws. As an American, it is my responsibility to defy any law that I deem corrupt and unethical. I mean, c’mon dude…just pull up five yards. We added the yellow light to street lights back in the 20’s. You’ll be fine.

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Jeaux

  • MAX mobility – from Paradox

    9 men wobbled in and huddled around the gloom early at the stage today. Just 48 hours since the bodily devastation of the SV500 we needed immediate distraction, and this was provided listening to the latest chapter in the Life and Times of Cardinal.

    “I woke up Sunday and it was the strangest thing, like my whole body wasn’t moving right and everything hurt. ” Cardinal explained while poking his muscles and testing these claims.

    YHC questioned further… “were you …umm…perhaps sore?”

    “Sore? Like a boil on my skin? ” He asked, still perplexed and searching the Cardinal lexicon for this foreign term.

    YHC sighed and got ready to break the news.

    “Well, you see after you turn 30 your body slowly tries to kill you each and every day especially if you exceed your limit of physical exertion. They call this state of being sore.

    Cardinal : ..

    YHC: ..

    Cardinal : well I guess I was sore , I’ll try my best to never feel that ever again.

    And just like that Mobility Monday was born…

    Duke! get the WD40 and K tape it’s time to fix some bo Bo’s
    and roll the footage.

    Warmups

    SSH

    Abe Vigodas

    IW extra slow

    Bat Wings:

    Leave them up gosh darn it !!

    AC , CP, Seal Jacks , OHClaps, seal jacks

    MC

    Mosey to bumper with some concerned side glances that we would unearth the newly minted coupon bunker.

    Not today men, let those Koopas cool down, they still hawt from Saturday.

    We continued our series with Volume 2 of Men of Courage Mondays as today is the feast day of St Max Kolbe. A Polish priest and Franciscan friar who among many other amazing works substituted his life for another man’s during imprisonment at Auschwitz.

    So Todays Acronym was MAX:

    First , the M…the Mobility Mile

    Mosey Richmans loop and we stomped out those spicy ant devils on the way as retribution for Popeyes riddled calves.

    We ran the mile and stopped for 4 mobility stations interspersed with audible groaning, creaking, pops, clicks, sharts, Hoosker dos, hoosker donts and even a few whistling kitty chasers. It was a deep burn and we all felt better for it:

    1. ) 1 minute
    Hold side plank

    Right arm up then through

    Left side

    Right hand on hand and pull through

    Left side

    2. )1 minute: Downward dog, alternate calf stretch and Cat/Cow ( 1 minute )

    3. ) 1 minute: Plank and hip stretch , outside, inside, inside outside

    4. 1 minute Side lunge stretch with sumo squat

    As a humorous interlude YHC shared the story of looking for a St Kolbe book in Barnes and Nobles only to have the clerk think that Kobe Bryant had been canonized.

    Not yet Kobe, not yet. (he had shaq and MJ only had Pippen so….)

    YHC introduced an F3 Thibodaux classic …Basketball Jones.

    We would alternate between all levels of a squat every time we heard the word Basketball.

    I’ll give the men at home a sample :

    “Yes i was a victim of basketball Jones

    In fact I was the baddest dribbler in the whole wide world

    I loved my basketball ball.

    That basketball was like a basketball to me…”

    It went on like that for 4 minutes and YHC pulled the plug early.

    Because sometimes you just have to set a pick when you on the give and go of life.

    Today we were all victims of the basketball Jones.

    On to the ABS (the A of mAx)

    St Max Feast day is Aug 14 (today) The day of his death 8-14-41 and canonized in 1982 so we clearly had to work the COREners and look for cobwebs.

    8 bbsu

    14 crunchy frogs

    41 Freddy Merk

    82 LBCs

    This was completed in 4 corners or “7s “ formatting. Dumbledore was feeling the crunchy frogs and Goose assured him he would gain abs of steel as he advanced in the F3 school of witchcraft and wizardry.

    To finish the MAX we needed an X

    X Wings Flora

    Partner up

    100 merkins , 20 each set while P2 x wings

    200 MC (40 each set while P2 X wings)

    Great push here to ramp up the cardio on the MCs. Paradiddle barely made it out of Zone 1 but his joints will thank me when he’s still mosh pitting at 65. The pax will rest easy tonight knowing that Cardinal discovered soreness and mobility training in the same calendar year!

    COT with special intentions for Bones recovery

    Dumbledore prayed us out.

    Always a great privilege to lead you men.

    “Let us remember that love lives through sacrifice and is nourished by giving…Without sacrifice there is no love.” – St. Maximillian Kolbe

    St Max Kolbe, Pray for us!

    SYITG

    Dox

  • There and Back Again, and Again, and Again – from Goose

    YHC was happy to pinch hit for Picadilly on this Tuesday Tuff morning–it would give us a chance to put (at least) one more hurtin’ on the legs and abs to steel them up for this weekend, AND YHC could work around the wounded wing without having to modify. The rest of the PAX was delighted, too…

    Ultimately totaling 8 after a couple of late ‘uns, the warmup consisted of much of the usual, but we added some shoulder rolls cuz YHC remembers how the neck felt after Tap’s 1 mile nur a few weeks ago and wanted to avoid that given the amount of nurring that was planned for today. We also focused a bit more on the ol’ hammies with some Tin Soldiers–they’ve been getting quite a beating the past few beatdowns, and this morning would be no exception.

    YHC was happy to introduce a few of the newer guys (who have been extremely impressive in their consistent posting) to some foundational routines today. The first was 11’s. We started on the edge of the pavement with 10 Big Boy Situps, ran to the opposite sidewalk, and completed 1 Goosie (newly minted this morning–it’s the Goose-modified burpee: Bonnie Blair plus a jump squat = 1). Then, Nur back for 9 big boys at the patio, then 2 Goosies, etc. with the number of BBSU decreasing by one and Goosies increasing by one until each had completed 1 BBSU and 10 Goosies.

    Honeysuckle showed his superhuman stamina on the Goosies, for sure, and the dude was just getting started. Everyone else’s legs were certified gelatin, but there was still 25 minutes of beatdown to go, so it was on to Thang 2, starting with a mosey to the beloved first street lamp on Rich Man’s Loop.

    (Seriously, running and stopping at that first street lamp for instructions (and pontification) is like arriving at the waiting room at the dentist–you’re not exactly sure what’s about to happen, but it’s guaranteed to be extremely uncomfortable.)

    Today, the lesson was in mental toughness and our ability to measure progress. We may be constantly working our tails off, but if we’re needing measurable progress through the ups and downs, the backs and forths to give us a reason to keep going, we’re gonna struggle. The truth is, the suffering IS the journey, especially when it’s shared with brothers, and interior progress is the only progress that really matters.

    So, the routine was titled “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back”–it consisted of running two light poles, then nurring one back; then running three light poles, then nurring two back, then running four, then nurring back three, all the way up to running 7 and nurring back six.

    Honeysuckle, Diddle, and Pope began to pull away relatively early, reveling in their running prowess, while the rest of us just tried not to let anyone down. Dox and Enron paired up, as did America’s Best and Safety Valve, leaving YHC to grind it out alone as the pit began to close around him somewhere between the 5th and 6th volley, the will to win having been sucked out in the later rounds of the 11’s. It’s funny, though, how any little hand-hold will do when you’re trying to survive, and YHC found some comfort in watching his shadow start to shrink as each light post approached from behind. Nurring is tough on the legs, but it’s also tough on the mind–you can’t really tell have far you have to go, and you can’t keep your eyes on the prize. All you can see is where you’ve been, the sweat stains and the pain you’ve just poured out. This was good training in mental toughness, and YHC was proud of this crew for stepping up and cranking it out.

    Once all but one team had finished, the run to pick up the six became a necessary Indian Run back to the flag due to time constraints and YHC’s desire to no longer suffer alone.

    Upon arrival, the count-off was complicated due to brain fog and tired math muscles, but all were accounted for and Gigi (the game ball in the absence of Animal) obviously went to Honeysuckle as he easily stayed out front for the entire nasty beatdown. Thanks for keeping the bar high, HS!

    Announcements: get signed up for the SV500 if you haven’t already, and get those jambalaya tickets sold! Incredible work, per usual, on all this Paradox! Let’s keep praying and be prepped to show up early and help make this a successful event.
    Prayer intentions for Smooth’s crew, Diddle’s crew, Cardinal’s transition, and Enron prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose