F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • The Twerkin Merkin – from Safety Valve

    It was another foggy and smoky Monday morning as YHC arrived earlier than usual at The Stage to set up for the beat down. After the last few Monday’s, YHC did not have much hope for a large showing. That seemed to be true as I stand there… all alone… at 5:10am. There was a back-up beat down planned as well just in case of low numbers. Then, as if Moses parted the sea and the Thudercats united from every which way, 5 of the PAX joined and the original beat down could be enjoyed.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willy Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Cherry pickers
    Arm circles

    Thang 1
    1 mile run
    That is all. Just a run. For a mile. No motives. No ridiculous mumblechatter. No burpees. Just running with a group of guys and our own thoughts.

    Just as we were starting to enjoy the quiet calm run, a dark figure appeared from a dark alley and at first YHC thought we were about to be mugged. All that could be seen from a distance was a silhouette of the perfection of pectorals, biceps, thighs and calfs. Then YHC thought there was only one person in the world with that physique. Tap sprinted rich man’s loop to catch up with us and joined in the alley between houses. And then there were seven. This odd number eventually led to one of the greatest things YHC has witnessed as an F3 thibodaux member… [insert catching phrase to captivate audience and grab attention]

    Thang 2
    YHC likes to experiment in all things of life , so after going through the depths of the exicon, a few things we have not done yet caught the eye. The PAX was a split into two doubles with one thruple group.

    AMRAP – 20 minutes, switch stations every 2 minutes for 2 rounds at each station
    Station 1: Ascending testicles on picnic tables – 3 levels of merkins (ground, feet on seat, feet on table top), 5 reps at each level. Continue until time called.
    Station 2: Captain thors – BBSU + American hammer (1:4), adding to the number with every rep. Goal was to get to 10 BBSU with 40 American hammers.
    Station 3: doracides – 1 partner sprints while the other completes LBCs to a total of 100
    Station 4: CPRs (curl to overhead press to tricep extension)
    Station 5: Squerkin (partner one does merkin while partner two holds partner 1s feet, partner 2 then does a squat, alternating every 10 reps)

    Observations:
    1. Ascending testicles will show up in additional beatdowns. Not only for the name but for how tough this was. With every level, it felt like adding an extra 20 pounds to the merkin.
    2. Captain thors. The American hammers were more difficult than previously thought. YHC was only able to make it through round seven (7BBSU followed by 28 American Hammers). Need more of these in beatdowns to build up goose level stamina.
    3. Two minutes was the perfect time to complete these. Somehow the distances between the cones seemed longer than YHC initially placed them at. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen that caused my confusion. Maybe it was Goose low key adding a few feet between them every suicide. The world will never know.
    4. CPR – coupon curl to Overhead press to tricep extension. YHC thought this through prior to the beatdown and it seemed like it would be difficult to go from the tricep extension back to the curl in an easy/safe way. So, the tricep extensions were left out for just the curl to OHP. This also proved to be a difficult transition unless you had the grip strength of a gorilla. Recommend against these in further beatdowns.
    5. … the squerkin. YHC and Cardinal have gone through our bromance at exponential pace for meeting really just 3 months ago. Most take a relationship slow. Get to know each other first prior to squerking together. Not this couple. First, hitting it off over coffee memorabilia, second being partners for SV500, thirdly squerkins. Seeing a man in this way can never be forgotten. On our last set, as YHC was awkwardly trying to curl and overhead press, my eye was drawn to a magnificent site. YHC has never seen three men move in such harmony than Goose, dilly and Tap did this morning. Dilly doing merkins, Wet tap with one leg, Goose with the other moving in perfect synchrony while doing squats and merkins. Seeing it in real time YHC would like to name this off shoot of the squerkin the Twerkin Merkin. After calling time, Goose mentioned that if the squats were done at the same time as the person doing the merkin it adds extra weight to the squat. Leave it up to goose to critique an exercise and find a way to make it harder. It is a gift for him and a curse for everyone else.

    Time was called on the AMRAP, 4 minutes of Mary commenced (flutter kicks, penguins, Nolan Ryan’s), COT, finished with announcements and goose prayed us out.

    Always a pleasure to lead. Thanks for waking up, showing up, and joining me in the gloom.

  • In The Beginning, There Was Only The Gloom – from Yankee Joe

    Excerpt taken from the recently discovered “Dead Peltch Scrolls”

    1 In the beginning, Goose created the Gloom. 2 Now the Gloom was formless and in his backyard, darkness was over the Settlement at Live Oak, and the annoyance of Kate was hovering over the mudgear.

    3 And Goose said, “Let there be suffering,” and there was suffering. 4 Goose saw that the suffering was good, and he separated the suffering from the misery. 5 Goose called the suffering “growth,” and the misery he called “being a bitch.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the first beatdown.

    6 And Goose said, “Let there be an AO to separate PAX from PAX.” 7 So Goose made the AO and separated the PAX from the NOLA AO from the PAX down the bayou. And it was so. 8 Goose called the AO “F3 Thibodaux.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the second beatdown.

    9 And Goose said, “Let the AO under F3 Thibodaux be gathered to one place, and let a real AO – that’s not my backyard – be found.” And it was so. 10 Goose called the dry ground “The Stage,” and the gathered PAX he called “HIMS.” And Goose saw that it was good.

    11 Then Goose said, “Let The Stage produce pain: picnic tables, wet grass, and moseying routes according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 And Goose saw that it was good.

    13 And there was posting, and there was COT—the third beatdown

    14 And Goose said, “Let there be music to separate the pain from the pain, and let the music serve as signs to mark sacred songs such as Thunderstruck, various sea shanties, and Peaches.” And it was so.

    16 Goose made the music come from a magic box—the greater magic box he called Anker and the lesser magic box he called JBL. He also made many farts. 17 Goose played the music to force others to do hundreds of burpees. And Goose saw that it was good.

    19 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fourth beatdown.

    20 And Goose said, “Let the beatdowns teem with mumblechatter, and let the smack talk ring out across the vault of the sky.” 21 So Goose created the GroupMe and showed the PAX how to use GIFs to communicate directly and passive aggressively. And Goose saw that it was good.

    22 Goose blessed the Chatter, “Be relentless with each other. Write about the beatdowns in prose in order to leave delicious easter eggs about the shortcomings of your brethren.”

    23 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fifth beatdown.

    24 And Goose said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the stray dogs, the red ants that move along the ground, and the wild woman carrying laundry baskets, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 And Goose saw that it was good.

    26 Then Goose said to Pope, “Let us find more crazy people like us, so that they may post in the heat and in the cold, and find ways to do LBC’s in ant piles.” 27 So Goose cast out looking for men like him; men as shit can crazy as he was, he looked for them. Laymen and men of the cloth, he searched for them.

    28 When Goose found them, he said “Make sure to EH and increase in number; convince your wives this is not a cult. Wear short sleeves when it is 30 degrees, dedicate old running shoes to be F3 shoes, buy overpriced F3 gear to fit in more easily.

    29 Then Goose said, “I give you authority to design any beatdown with any theme, any type of exercises, anything that will create suffering. Remember that you were not created for comfort. You don’t deserve to be comfortable. 30 And I give you GroupMe and Backblasts in order to destroy each other, while celebrating your brothers.” And it was so.

    31 Goose saw all that he had made, and it was goosetastic. And there was posting, and there was COT—the sixth beatdown.

    Thus F3 Thiboduax was founded, all of its glory stretching from Bourg to Houma to the St. John HOA in its vast array.

    2 By the seventh beatdown, Goose had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh beatdown he did man makers. 3 Then Goose recruited Cardinal, and in one of the first beatdowns that posted more pax than just goslings the location wasn’t even Thibodaux.

    ————————————

    YHC had planned to create an award ceremony beatown for the BYITG Challenge. However, as the three year manniversary came a few days earlier and in the midst of the PAX dropping their favorite memories, it seemed appropriate to continue the mosey down memory lane. Butttt…as I think about it, I’m now realizing that Goose on a few occasions, knowing my intent, made subtle comments about the three year manniversary. I changed the theme the night before to be a continuation of celebrating F3 memories. How does he do it? I swear it’s Jedi mind tricks. I’m Toydarian…what is this power?

    So…F3 memories. I asked Goose for some old beatdowns and thangs. He sent me the famed Grand Isle beatdown that had roped Cardinal into his FNG appearance. More on that in a bit. There were some hilarious stories, including how YHC argued with Enron about his own last name. He said it was pronounced “Lillick” – no ch sound. I said, “noooo…that’s not right…” Enron said it was of German heritage. I said it was most likely Spanish. Even now, I cringe when I think about it.

    The debate went on for a few minutes, everyone that was present, absolutely dumbfounded by the fact that I would tell a 35 year old man he didn’t know how to pronounce his own last name. To publicly show my acquiescence and humble myself in ridiculous fashion, YHC wore his authentic lederhosen to the Q. It would turn out to be a very bad move for a beatdown. Like running 10 miles with a nutcracker attached to the front of your shorts.

    —————————————–

    Thang 1: The Solo Goose

    Throughout the day on the manniversary, several PAX mentioned their experience with a solo Goose. YHC also shared this experience. It was awful. I almost never came back. It was amazing. In most cases, save the occasional Ace and Gary Q, a Goose favorite was a Lazy Dora. That said, not all PAX have had this once in a lifetime journey into the depths of coupon hell. It’s like swimming with Jar Jar in a small pond that somehow turns into a vast ocean.

    To share the love, PAX partnered up for a quasi Lazy Dora with 50 thrusters, 50 man makers, and 100 OHP’s. Partner 1 did the coupon work, while Partner 2 bear crawled to marker (12 yards) and crab walked back. Flapjack. The kicker was that Goose, in a 10-minute window, had to spend roughly 30 seconds one on one with each PAX, either doing coupon work or joining a PAX in a bear crawl/crab walk. Everyone got a solo Goose. Most of us are now far more informed about form. Did you know there was a narrow and wide edge on a coupon?

    ——————————–

    Thang 2: Seven Memories

    Memory 1: “This is for the birds”

    After taking Cardinal through the beatdown, which that day was the 14 Stations of the Cross (We only had time for 7), Cardinal, in his unparalleled bedside manner (when it comes to sweating and technology), kindly remarked to Goose, “This is for the birds.”

    To commemorate this moment, the PAX did 90 seconds of brick butterfly squats. Here, they flapped their extended wings up as they squatted down, flapped their wings down as they stood up out of the squat, while holding bricks. One minute in, the first rumblings of awareness began to emerge…a 90 second exercise sprint seemed to last longer than expected.

    We sprinted 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 2: Here’s to Treeroot

    As F3 Thibodaux began to approach the Open Era, the second and arguably most pivotal draft class exploded onto the scene. PAX such as Popeye, Enron, CuttThroat, Elmer’s, GI Joe, Paradiddle, and others, there were a lot of FNGs who posted…and then quicly faded into the trees. One such PAX was named Treeroot. During a run last year, Enron inquired about whatever happened to Treeroot. This became the descriptor for the phenomenon of ‘showing then ghosting’ from then on.

    90 seconds of tempo squat BOTH ways and arms extended straight up with bricks…you know like a tree growing slowly, branches out. However, it was clear that the PAX were more like crepe myrtles, “growing” quite fast and essentially voiding every single Jurp completed during the BYITG challenge. As such, Horn may have actually been a top scorer.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————–

    Memory 3: You get a hernia, you get a hernia, EVERYBODY gets a hernia

    One of the OG’s, Popeye, by all accounts started his F3 tenure strong, regularly posting and raising the bar. However, due to a series of burpee laded Goose beatdowns, he got himself a nice hernia, which required surgery. He was on injured reserve for over a year, before staging what the critics are calling the greatest comeback in F3 Nation history. Of course, he would tell you not to call it a comeback. Yes, yes…you got it. He’s been here for years.

    To honor this achievement, we did 90 seconds of hernia inducing V-Ups with bricks in hand. Again, it became very clear, very quickly, that of the total 8,799 V-Ups completed during the BYITG, most likely only 392 actually counted…all belonging to Pope.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————————-

    Memory 4: The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…

    Paradox likes to tell a story that while Goose was away on retreat, and having just returned from 30A himself (Paradox), he introduced combo warm-ups such as front arm circle stationary lunges. Upon return from the retreat, Goose reportedly said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…in my life.

    YHC disagrees. The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen was introduced to the PAX by Goose last year, in which one would do a burpee, complete three merkins, and finish the burpee into three jump squats. It’s a real doozy, Clark.

    90 seconds of Goose Burpees with three merkin and three jump squats…these were too hard for YHC to observe anything else going on except how his soldier boi’s were being squat jumped in his tight lederhosen.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ———————————–

    Memory 5: The Inner Circle

    When a man begins F3, he goes through a honeymoon phase, connecting deeply with the other PAX, pushing harder than probably ever in his life, noticing that his body is going through some changes, and realizing that he can make adult friends after all…maybe.

    As such, you let your guard down and let yourself get close. You believe you are progressing through layers of hierarchy, ever inching toward the real inner circle. However, the minute you feel like you’ve made it, you get punched in the crotch and informed that your green texts aren’t welcomed here. Some call you Cactus Jack for almost a month, while your Spanish proficiency is questioned. It’s an emotional roller coaster…one day you’re basking in the warmth of friendship, the next, you’re being kicked out of iMessage groups.

    Like interpretive dance, YHC can best explain the phenomenon by the following:

    For 90 seconds, PAX starts in the outer circle, then bear crawl in/alligator merkin toward the inner circle. Once you get there, crawl bear back out to despair and scorn.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ————————————-

    Memory 6: Diddle Giggle Farts

    Recently, YHC had to go out of town and America’s Best graciously agreed to step into his first Peltch Q. It is safe to say that of the two, AB brought the A. Already ensconced in F3 Thibodaux lore, the German bards will sing of the “brewpons” beatdown for years to come. In one of the exercises, PAX doing WW3 sit ups (BBS with Coupon OHP at top) to some German music, Diddle ripped one right on Goose’s head. As would be expected, the giggling began, and like Sir Didymus and Ambrosius running across the Bog of Eternal Stench, the mini farts came with every sit up/giggle.

    In hopes of replicating this experience, the PAX did 90 seconds of WW3 sit-ups with brick OHP’s. What the PAX didn’t know was that YHC had queued up wet fart sounds on the Spotify playlist…easily BAPS’ greatest moment in his life.What happened over the next 90 seconds will go down as YHC’s best memories of all time. Once the wet fart sounds began, 16 grown men, nearly half of which were over 40, could barely complete the situps because they were giggling so hard. YHC quite literally couldn’t catch his breath.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 7: Kilmer

    One of YHC’s fondest Q memories was when Kilmer DRing from Winston Salem, joined the PAX at The Stage. He was a character to say the least, a gentleman in his late 50’s. He talked a special brand of trash that he was more than welcome to take back to Winston Salem. Toward the end of the beatdown, the PAX was doing a ton of pickle pounders.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…pounders are conducive to melodramatic grunting from even the strongest core, but Kilmer…mannn…it was downright unnerving. It was like the sound you would hear from a mating walrus mixed with…I dunno…yodeling. It was loud. It was weird. It was a bit nasty.

    Smooth, who was pounding next to him and perhaps in his first few weeks of F3 showed no signs of distress, but you could see him slowly inching away with each pickle pounder rep, looking like he had been scandalized. Fortunately for us, Smooth came back and is now ingrained into the very fabric of F3 Thib.

    The PAX did 90 seconds of pickle pounders with instructions to gunt loudly, but appropriately considering the presence of 2.0’s.

    Sprint 200 yards, no bricks…

    —————————————

    With two minutes left, YHC offered up another great F3 moment with Coyote as the protagonist. About 12 PAX attended the NOLA convergence last year. With nearly 100 men in a circle, F3 Thibodaux dropped a Thunderstruck burpee exercise. UNFORTUNATELY, JBL did not get the memo. The volume couldn’t carry, men were getting restless. Then out of the foggy shadows, Coyote sprinted to the middle of the circle and put on what is surely the greatest air guitar performance of all time. 100 men LOVED every second of it. Coyote is legend.

    We did two minutes of burpee Thunderstruck and moseyed back to the flag.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Cafeteria followed, and the PAX were treated to Safety Valve’s nitrous oxide cold brew. It. Was. DELICIOUS!

    Just another great memory in a list of great memories. I loved every minute of this beatdown because we got to celebrate each other with humor, chatter, and flatulence.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Three Years of F3 Thibodaux – from Goose

    Three years may not seem that long, but we’ve stacked up some serious growth, some incredible memories, and an incomparable brotherhood. YHC is not only celebrating three unexpectedly amazing years of F3 Thibodaux, but also a personal four year manniversary. So, this was a special morning. It’s been quite a journey.

    After the typical warmups with 11 cold men, YHC decided to run the crew through some of the most important lessons we’ve learned through over these short/long years while giving them a chance to bring back to the surface some of the highlghts.

    Lesson 1: We almost always slow down, take breaks, and give up not because we can’t actually do any more, but because we don’t think we deserve to endure difficulty. We think we deserve comfort, and though some difficulty is exhilarating, we deserve to avoid the really hard stuff. But, we know better. We don’t get up before 5 and come to literally be punished in unknown ways by a random member of the gang becauae we think we deserve comfort. We know we’re made for more, so we keep showing up; we keep letting the Q push us farther than we’d ever push ourselves, and we hate to miss.
    Thang: Lt. Dan’s (1 to 2 ratio of squats to lunge walk steps, adding one squat and two steps each time) from the sidewalk around the building to the fence around the AC unit in the back. That served as plenty of discomfort to get us all to that point and past it. The chatter only lasted a couple of minutes, and then it got pretty quiet, which was saying a lot for this crew. After picking up the six we moseyed to the pickleball courts.

    Lesson 2: Our form suffers because we feel sorry for ourselves. Good form keeps our joints safe and makes us stronger. Our pride and self-pity puts our joints in danger in an effort to save our muscles, and though me might finish faster, we don’t get stronger. Humility acknowledges where we are and works from there, pushing all the way through, slowly if need be, and maybe not finishing first; and this is how we get stronger. And, just like in life, if we look to preserve ourselves, all the connecting tissue/people suffer. We only grow and take care of the people connected to us if we stay strong, focused, and humble.
    By this point, the PAX was done with the preaching and just wanted to know what pain lie ahead.
    Thang: bear crawl suicides. Bear crawl across one court to the end of the double lines and back, then to the beginning of the next court and back, then to the end of the next court and back. Every time at the baseline was three burpees (with solid form), and every time at the far line was five HR merkins (can’t cheat on that form).

    At this point, Tana reminded YHC that we had some memories to to share (which is probably why YHC thought he went first), so a few PAX were called and shared some doozies. This helped distract considerably from the pain, and it went by relatively quickly. Moseyed to the basketball court.

    Lesson 3: God knows our true limits, and He expands them, providing strength beyond what grit and determination could ever muster on its own. When YHC has been able to trust in and depend upon His help, the pain and difficulty don’t go away, but I can keep pushing much further than I ever expected. He doesn’t take away difficulty, He give us the strength to power through it if we choose to accept it instead of trying to escape it or measure what we’ve got left in the tank by our own figuring. And, for those willing to believe it, YHC shared that all YHC’s beatdowns are actually God’s ideas, and YHC is more of a co-pilot, putting the pieces together that He gives me. So, yes, they’re hard, but they’re amazing sources of growth, both physically and mentally. And, YHC knows that they will actually be doable, no matter how tough they look on paper.
    Thang: Let God decide–we rolled a die, and if it came up 1-3, it meant 15 LBC’s. If it came up 4-6, it meant sprinting half-court and back and then full-court and back. We rolled exactly 15 times, and though YHC didn’t count exactly, it seemed to be almost half and half. We were given breaks when we needed breaks and challenged just beyond the point of wanting to give up, to self-preserve. God is good. And, Honseysuckle and Pope are in great shape.

    With two minutes left, we moseyed back to the flag for the remainder of the memories to be aired. Most, interestingly, had to to do with first beatdowns and how they were both horrific and fulfilling some deep desire we didn’t know we had. So, we kept coming back, even if it was after a few months and/or a hernia. Tana went last because YHC forgot about him (I guess he blended in behind Honeysuckle or Valve), and promised to flim his top five and post them on the GroupMe. This sounded amazing and gave YHC the idea to ask everyone to film their top memories and post them from then till Saturday morning. It’s been unbelievably successful, an incredible way to celebrate the indescribable gift these last three years have been.

    And, YHC will keep posting at every beatdown for as long as God keeps us here. And, when it’s time to go, YHC trusts that God knows what He’s doing, though it’s hard to picture how we’ll push past that difficulty. But, I guess we’ll have the strength we need for it when we get there. Till then, we’ll keep making memories, pushing through limits, and suffering together with this incredible band of brothers. Here’s to F3 Thibodaux and all that is yet to come!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Men, Saints and Jurpees – from Paradox

    -Can a man change over time?

    -Can a beatdown plan pivot on the spot when the need is great?

    -Has YHC listened to the song “When the Saints go marching in” a single time in his life ?

    -Was man created to Jurp alone?

    These were the questions 9 High Impact Men had to ponder on a crisp cool (dare I say chilly) Tuesday Tuff at the stage.
    On Saturday at the Peltch we searched for the monster within and YHC thought it only appropriate on All Hallows Eve that today we search for the Saints within. (Plus I used up most of my primo Haloween material) YHC also had the privilege of leading the beatdown on the last day of Jurptober so there was no pitch left but the surgically repaired fastball. YHC had a loosely knit plan to go heavy burpees/merkin. But you know how it goes , sometimes God sees your plan thinks it’s cute and suggests ManMakers instead.

    Duke!! you are not the patron saint of baked beans
    Roll the footage!

    Warmup

    Props to the 3 pax who came in costume! Goose was terrifying as Dredd, Pope looked valiant as Pat Tillman and YJ was spot on as “that guy from college that wore a t-shirt in cold weather to impress the ladies”. Groundhog Ronnie was sporting long sleeves which tells us it was somewhere between 30-50 degrees F. (If that man puts on pants you will need Vaseline to keep your eyelids unfrozen ). We did all the usuals with some MCs to get the blood dispersed evenly.

    Ominous mosey to the Coupon Depot

    I had intended this little warm up song to be standard issue IW/burpees format. But when I saw the way Wet Tap was looking at those coupons…I hope my children look at their spouses with that much love one day….that’s when the audibles began. Who am I to rob a man of his God given right to lift heavy concrete?

    Song
    “When the Saints go Marchin in “
    Curls on song
    2 Man Makers on Saint
    (24 man makers, laughable amount of curls)
    YHC knew this would be pretty humorous as soon as we got started. Listened to this one on the way to the beatdown and I could have sworn there were only 4-5 “saints “ in there. Pesky memory.

    Thang 1

    The Road to Sainthood

    YHC has recently been fascinated by the process of Sainthood. The scrutiny , the interviews, and the thorough search of a life for holiness. It can reveal so much about how we can strive for this in our own lives and the variety of grace God bestows on the saints when they depend on him.

    There would be 4 stops

    *Indian run there with drop off 3 burpees , it felt right.

    25 Big Boys (servant of God)
    25 v ups (Venerable)
    25 burpees (Blessed )
    25 man makers (Saint)

    Again this was originally going to be merkins and burpees at the end but the call of the man makers won out.

    So now we have an idea of the process of sainthood. Another amazing aspect is the wide variety of vocations God calls us to. As CS Lewis said “how monotonously alike are all the tyrants and conquerors, how gloriously different are the saints. “
    So we would try our hand at a little Patron Saint Trivia.

    Correct – 7 burpees
    Incorrect – 7 burpees, bearcrawl , 7 merkins

    Patrons and Saints below :

    PS of retreats/retreatant-St Ignatius
    PS of Academics- St Thomas Aquinas
    PS of doctors – St Luke
    PS of Eyes- St Lucy
    PS of Finance- St Matthew
    PS of Musicians- St Cecilia
    PS of Engineers- St Patrick
    PS of Internet- St Isidore of Seville
    PS of Parish Priest – St John Vianney
    PS of Military- St Michael

    The men crushed these and racked up 70 burpees in a flash. And YHC was shocked to look down and see 2 minutes left on the clock. Another audible

    Only one way to finish the beatdown portion of Jurptober …

    AMRAP man makers.
    It was glorious , pretty sure Wet Tap cried tears of joy.

    Amazing effort here by all.

    Back to the flag for numbering naming and such.

    Announcement
    **F3 Thib MAnniversary Thursday at the peltch

    **Goose Farewell Party Nov 12

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Mega shoutout to all the hard core Jurpers out there. I’m sure YJ and Goose will be covering this more eloquently but there was some serious iron sharpening going on this month.
    Glad to see dat Dawg alive and well with the Thib pax.

    Thank you for the privilege to lead today men.

    Epilogue

    The following is a journal excerpt from Vatican records of the Cardinal Cause of Saints in the year 2623 during the investigation of the last documented Miracle of Blessed Yankee Jeaxsiphine.

    It’s recorded from the personal writings of a Franciscan friar, Fr Paradox the 19th. He was tasked with finding and interpreting ancient USBs from the year 2023 , the year it was reported that the Blessed Jeaux had organized a men’s workout challenge called Jurptober…

    Journal Entry -Fr Pdox
    Nov 2, 2623:

    Today I completed my life’s work.
    After years of searching the deep jungle bayous of ancient Thibodaux my team discovered the USB from a hut in the Rienzi Temple district. After careful extraction of the data we reviewed , my team was baffled. It contained data accumulation that should take 20 men 2 years to compile but there was only one with admin privileges in 30 days!
    How…how could it be? One man! This much data , it was so neatly organized, this much dedication to iron sharpening ?! My eyes went blurry as I realized I was looking at the final miracle of Blessed Jeaux. I wondered what had driven a man to this level of commitment. then I read a tiny note accompanying the usb. It was one of Blessed Jeauxs original entries dated Oct 31, 2023.

    “Today Dox was nice to me, maybe …maybe, we can all change.”

    I want to be in that number …when the Saints go marching in…

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Brain Games – from Goose

    Last Monday, it was the same thing. Crickets on GroupMe after a tough Saturday and a last minute Goose fill-in on a blank Q slot. Thankfully, Safety Valve had already HC’d on the Jurptown group, and Paradiddle started chirping early enough to prove he was already on the road navigating the killer cane trucks appearing suddenly out of the fog. So, YHC knew that he and Pope wouldn’t be attacking the points monster alone.

    And, this proved to be the attendance list–four men, unafraid of posting two days in a row; unafraid of the nonsense that comes into YHC’s head at 10pm the night before a Q. This time it was math, psychology. and diamonds.

    YHC knew we had to try to get as many points as possble in a 45 minute window while not destroying the morale of a small crew and keeping it somewhat interesting. So, a brainless grind was off the table, as was any strong theme that might suck up time. YHC settled on the 7 of Diamonds. Any ladder exercise gives you an insane amount of reps while not feeling like an insane amount of reps because you’re doing a limited number at a time and you’re very focused on counting.

    After some solid warmups and a trip to the coupon stash, we stowed our coupons on the far side of the stage patio and then gathered on the lot side for instructions.

    Round 1:
    -First corner of the track = 7 burpees, run to next corner
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups, 28 Curls

    The mind trick here is that you think you’re just adding a few more of something at each corner. But, you’re actually cranking out the reps, which is pretty exhausting, and we needed a ten-count before Round 2.

    Round 2: (carried coupons with us this time)
    -Corner 1 = 7 burpees
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls, 28 Big Boys

    At this point, YHC explained that we had just done 56 burpees in about 10 minutes, in the midst of other not-so-easy exercises. And those were the easy part. It’s amazing what the body can endure when the brain is focused elsewhere. So, YHC then explained that we’d be doing 11’s with manmakers and merkins, which was similar to last Monday. This initially made SV and Pope doubt the wisdom of posting this morning; but, just like last Monday, we’d start with 10 of the hard one, and work our way down. The brain can then focus on the relief it’s getting with every round instead of on the fact that we’d be completing 55 manmakers in 15 minutes in the midst of running and nurring over a half mile and doing 55 merkins.

    These guys are beasts, and they flew through these despite YHC’s interesting new playlist rolling along behind them (and maybe the strange combination of songs provided a bit of a distraction from the pain as well). And, so, four men, in just making the decision to get out of bed, show up, and not say no, completed the following number of exercises one set, one rep at a time:
    55 Manmakers
    56 Burpees
    100 Merkins
    42 Bonnie Blairs
    82 V-ups
    70 Curls
    28 Big Boy Situps
    1 Mile
    Total: 600 points

    On this second-to-last day of Jurptober, YHC is proud to be joined by these men and driven by them and for them to choose to keep pushing the limits of what’s possible in 45 minutes. These are things that I would never do for myself, but just as in every other aspect of life, I always benefit more from the decisions to let go of my comfort for the sake of others than I do when I’m chasing my own fulfillment. This is what life is all about, and it makes me extremely grateful for these experiences with you guys.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Don’t Fear the Reaper – from Paradox

    YHC rolled in a touch early to the Peltch to lay out a few stations for our trick or treaters. Greeting Ronnie and Fresh Gi on the way I made a few cone deposits, worked up a lather and visited the haunted ghost toilet for an early backblast. Jeaux had been correct previously noting the eeriness of a densely fogged peltch morning and YHC planned to weave it into todays theme.

    On return Ronnie and Gi had been joined by a stout group of 12 more pax. It was another true gloom and YHC had trouble distinguishing everyone but found early inspiration in a returned Fire in the Hole and a sweaty HoneySuckle, already 7 miles deep on the day. (Campaign to rename him RunnySuckle?)

    Slowly noting my error in a late groupme invite to wear a costume YHC was ready to be “that guy”’when the Old Testament Tundra rolled in and out stepped Malachi Obadiah Dawson the IV , the great Shepard/Prophet/Early Church Father( his story is in one of those apocryphal books so don’t sweat it ).
    It was a clear sign the cardio strain was about to get biblical.
    Let’s get it !

    Duke! Get the candy corn
    It’s F3 Thib Halloween!

    Warmup
    SSH
    IW
    Frankensteins (shout out to America’s FrankenBeast )
    Bat Wings (10 AC, 10 CP, MNCs, Self Love )
    HIgh Knees, Butt Kicks

    Indian run to ThunderDome with last man dropping off for 3 Peter Parker Merkins as a shoutout to Gooses lifelong love of the spidey suit.
    Because if a full grown man can’t be spiderMan every year till he’s 99 then what are we even doing with all this freedom ?!

    We had a fine Indian run with some Halloween selected jamz leading us back to the Tdome for jurps and treats.

    As this backblast goes to print we are 28 days into what the critics are calling the greatest ISI of our age. Jurptober has had it all. Feats of strength, bonding, betrayal, ghost poops, Merkin miles, berkin miles (hushtones), ageless wonders, Google sheets meltdowns..all under the careful eye of the Architect. So it was difficult for YHC to refresh the jurpee but if there’s one thing that always moves the needle in F3 Thib it’s the feared emom timer…
    YHC dialed up 2 minutes with 3 kraken burpees as the kicker.
    All finished in fine form and Smooth beat the clock on round two of the Kraken by atleast 14 seconds.

    **Trick or Treat**
    Roll first dye – Take standard 15 reps (treat) OR add the trick and roll the second die with lower or higher. (Die have 5-10-15-20-25-30)
    We rolled every time we change locations or as a ten count.
    Along the way we did Burpees , BBSU, LBCs and Most Pax chose the conservative 15 rep approach. (Lame!)

    Mosey to the Chimney to start the Monster Mash

    The Main Thang was all about releasing dat Monster within.
    We trained in each of the 4 traditional Halloween monster disciplines. Listed below with their correlating groupme hype actors. Name image and likeness were taken from these men with no consent and they will have little help with litigation as my legal team is busy battling no less than 17 active Jurp citations this month.

    Da Monsters:

    I.) The Werewolf (Yankee Jeaux Jackson before turning full werewolf in the Thriller video)

    7 Werewolf’s (Carolina dry dock into upward dog yoga pose )
    Run to the chimney , Nur back
    1 BBSU
    Increase the BBS and decrease werewolves until complete.
    This had several pax booking early Monday chiropractic appointments for shoulder evals.

    2.) The Zombie
    Pax split into equal teams
    Hold plank in a line with enough room to frog hop in between. The last pax hop to the front and do 5 merkins. Repeat until your entire team crossed the cone. The return race would be a team arm linked lunge. Epic graveyard race and YHCs vision was too blurry to call it anything but a photo finish.

    Mosey to monkey bars

    3.) The Vampire (Count Goosula)
    Hanging in the Cave
    P1 hanging leg raises AMRAP
    P2 10 burpees
    2 rounds each to complete 40 burpees as a pair.

    4.) The Mummy (our Knights in shining Armor Ronnie and Tana)

    Pyramid Scheme of Burpees

    Bearcrawl to cones
    Increasing burpees , then crawl bear during descending burpees
    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1

    YHC set the course up for some intended gang clashes and was not disappointed when I hit a smooth wrecking ball and was almost shanked by a an optometrist. Ya love to see the competition.

    Back to the flag for name off count off

    Jurpee numbers (adjust if you see fit)
    1 jurp
    67 burpees
    Merkins depending on graveyard race cycles
    50 BBSU

    Intentions
    Announcements:

    AB house party upcoming Nov 11

    Goose Leaving the Nest party on Nov 12
    (I’m still in denial, it’s just a prank…sigh)

    More deets on these in the GroupMe

    Ronnie Prayed us out

    Had a blast getting better and finding some monsters today men.
    Great work
    Enjoy a feast on your 2.0s candy
    It was well earned.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates:

    Ever found yourself curious as to what a psychedelic experience would feel like? No?…
    No one? Okay okay then, play it coy, your secrets safe with me *wink *wink
    Buttttt if you had, and didn’t want all the baggage, (health risk, weird shaman named Marley, unhealthy fear of leprechauns) then yesterday morning at Peltier park at approximately 6:39am you had a perfect opportunity. You could have sat right in the Thunderdome, on a bleacher, sober as a church mouse and witnessed quite a trip:

    A light fog sizzling off the hard pan spicy grass, backlit by a tremendous blazing full moon. A shadowy hearse standing ominously at center stage. Street light splotches of hazy orange along the pavement. Fluorescent greens and purples from a blow up haunted house add to the dizzying effect. And then you hear the growing foot falls of 11 men, 3 children and a well worn wagon. Led by a desert prophet they jog by single file maniacally tossing dice to and fro. Anchored by a ghostbuster, occasionally one loses all function, drops to the ground and pretends to be spiderMan. They continue in this manner until reaching a pre arranged destination surrounding the hearse. That’s when the shrooms really kick in. They start a synchronous series of exercises while the Blue Oyster Cult reminds them to not fear the reaper. Not satisfied with this they disappear into the gloom looking for more monsters to mash with.

    Ya know
    Maybe my 6th grade DARE teacher was right
    Maybe you can get high on life.

    I’ll need a few more beatdown to be sure…

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Country For Old Men – from Honeysuckle

    Jason Aldean was the flame. Boot Scootin Goosie was the fuse. It was only a matter of time until the country beatdown would occur. And friend-o, that day was today.
    On a dew-filled morning at the stage, fourteen men gathered eventually and the fun began.

    Warmarama
    20 Side straddle hops (YHC would have made it 40 if Tana had been there on time)
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward and back’ard
    No cherry pickers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    As all required Jurps no longer need to take place prior to doing anything else, yet realizing that leaving a full four Jurps for the PAX to have to do OYO after a beatdown is a little too much, we split the difference and did two Jurps as part of the beatdown. As to not waste time, the country music started with “I think I’ll just stay here and jurp” by Merle Haggard. Piccadilly jumped in after the first round started but so smoothly it was as though he just appeared out of thin air. Despite the excessively long instrumental outro, a second song was needed so that the second jurp could be completed by the PAX so that was [this is taking a very long] “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams.
    Then, a coupon mosey to get the hard stuff.

    The first thang
    The next part was a small homage to what played no small part in putting country music into pop culture (and eventually into a cult with popeye), which was the movie Urban Cowboy. (That movie also put mechanical bulls into every honky tonk bar.) Both songs are by Jerry Lee, with the first being “Cherokee Fiddle.” We did V-ups during the song, but during the chorus (“When he smelled the smoke and the cinders…”), we grabbed our own cinders and did manmakers.

    The second song was “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” YHC looked at points total per Jurptoberfest exercise and found the two exercises with the fewest points. These at that time were big boy situps and curls, so by doing these we would be looking for points in all the wrong places. So similar to the previous song, BBS’s during the song and curls during the chorus. Enron had been preparing for this moment his whole life and really shone during those curls. As did Cuz.

    YHC after the fact proposed the equivalent of a “standard deduction” for points earned during the first thang. This is because there were no sheets to write down the number of each exercise the PAX did, so many PAX did not really know how many points they earned. Inadvertently, in doing so, YHC perhaps initiated a bout of points inflation that a future hawkish Q will have to clean up. The overall jurptober impact remains to be seen. Analysts are saying that the biggest impact is likely to be in the manmaker category as they represent the largest number of points per exercise.

    The second thang
    The second thang was going to take longer and finish out the workout. The song “Redneck Girl” has always been a favorite, next to “Queen of my double wide trailer”. But in “Redneck Girl”, the Bellamy Brothers highlight all of the desirable qualities of these types of women. One of these is that a redneck girl has her name on the back of her belt. In honor of that line, we did a conveyor belt exercise.

    There were 5 stations where these five activities were done, with bear crawls in between.
    Station 1: V-ups (20)
    Station 2: Merkins (20)
    Station 3: Bonnie Blairs (20, I think we all know by now it’s 2:1)
    Station 4: Big Boy Situps (20)
    Station 5: Burpees (10)

    Four stations were populated with PAX leaving one open station for at least a little freedom of movement for one group. All PAX in a group were supposed to stay together and couldn’t go to the next station until the group at that station left. But I’m sure Yankee Joe could spend multiple lectures covering case studies highlighting what PAX are “supposed to do” versus what they actually do. And I just completed an internship.

    Now, if you liked the loitering and waiting in Saturday’s beatdown, you would LOVE the conveyor belt. There was ample opportunity to trash talk teams taking too long, and those opportunities were seized. However, the waiting was sort of a feature because otherwise there were no real breaks. Just like in a honky tonk bar, there were even PAX getting up on the tables doing their thing. In the end, everyone made it through two rounds, in most/all cases also finishing a third set of the exercise where the respective PAX began.

    During this time, we got to additionally hear “John Deere Green” by Joe Diffie, “Hard Workin’ Man” by Brooks and Dunn, and most of “L. A. Freeway” by Jerry Jeff Walker. The soundtrack was well received overall, though one PAX couldn’t take it and left. And I expect to continue to not hear country music during my next eye exam.

    We circled up, counted off, named off, did announcements, intentions, and Pope prayed us out. Dox pictured us out.

    After the coupon return and general cleanup, around 10 PAX stayed and finished up the Jurps. Gotta love and admire the dedication of this group. Smooth, showing next level determination and grit, grinded out his last Jurp with everyone just sort of standing around him and Goose holding the shovel.

    Much appreciation to the PAX for being hard workin’ men today and even feeling comfortable enough to share that they enjoy listening to country music only if chipmunks are singing it. It is great to celebrate the recent birthdays, and while some of these songs remind us that the world and our lives keep changing as we get older, many fundamental things don’t change, and for myself at least, F3 continues to provide a way to improve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to stay in the fight now and hopefully for many years to come.

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.

  • Jurptown Rides at Dawn – from Goose

    After absolutely zero interactions or responses to YHC’s hype on GroupMe last night, low numbers were expected this morning, especially after Yankee Jeaux’s thrasher on Saturday. YHC is starting to see a pattern of slim Mondays after tough Saturdays (IPC last month really nailed this home). So, Pope and I weren’t surprised to see a lone, very brightly lit truck waiting for us in the parking lot at 5:12 am. Thankfully, per usual, the PAX did not disappoint, and two more fancy trucks made their way in before the warmup was over; and thankfully, they were both inhabitants of Jurptown, USA. The ever-stalwart Safety Valve and the ever-jurping Lil’ Cuz made it a five man crew with Wet Tap and Pope repping “We Ride at Dawn” with their newly minted headbands.

    The usual warmups with lots of reps and with added high knees and butt kicks still weren’t enough to break through the soreness and stiffness from Saturday, but YHC had hopes that the first Thang could handle it.

    Thang 1: Merkin Mile
    The Merkin Mile feels like that one girl that every guy talked about for a while in 7th grade. But, after a few months, when they realized that she had already gone through “changes” and was merely annoyed by them, they just found other things to talk about, like Zelda or murder bunnies. But, with the opportunity to both loosen up and rack up a quick 150 points, it was time to resurrect an old faithful. Mile loop with 25 merkins at each quarter-mile. We stayed together as a group, just like at the 7th grade dance.

    Thang 2: 11’s. Twice.
    The first set of 11’s were in response to the mathematical reality that YHC learned on Saturday: manmakers rack up a ton of points. And, knowing that Valve and YHC share a deep love for manmakers, why not stack up 55 of them in 15 minutes? Thankfully, YHC had the wherewithal to put the manmakers first, starting with 10 and working down, otherwise we may have lost our morale for good. So, it was manmakers at the flag and v-ups at the opposite sidewalk, running there and nurring back.
    The second set brought sweet relief from the manmakers, but that relief died a quick, violent death after just one round: Bonnie Blairs at the flag and curls (2:1) at the sidewalk, carioca both ways. Bonnies to carioca and then back to carioca after not enough time curling to catch your breath was a deadly combination. 10 minutes was not enough to finish this one, though we got close.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out, but we had some jurping to do. All 5 stayed through the first round (a little slower on the back end of a beatdown than on the front end), and Tap had to roll, but the rest of us pushed through three more so we could be done for the day. And, no one wants to jurp alone.

    Incredible work by these manly men this morning. Thanks for being willing to get out of bed and post! It was a point feast, and these fellas earned every one of them.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Looked Better on Paper – from Goose

    YHC felt pretty proud of the continued creativity necessary to keep jurps and points rolling after almost three full weeks of beatdowns. And this morning was a particular point of pride because YHC was going to introduce the PAX to a classic routine that was a huge part of YHC’s F3 foundation while also racking up an obscene amount of points. At least, that was the plan.
    Warmup brought a welcomed razzing from YJ (the now-usual absence of he and Dox have made for some unusually quiet warmups). Then, we grabbed coupons out of the truck and made a ring around Enron (at the second sidewalk). He declined to be the center of attention, saying something about his tempo squat form, and we commenced three rounds of jurps. But, since YHC was Q-ing, the whole group had to nurse a rotator cuff injury, so we replaced the 10 groiners with 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1). It was tough, and it definitely took longer than 10 minutes; a good bit longer.
    YHC took the opportunity to fit in a quarter-mile lap around the building while the anchors finsihed the last round to Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” cranking out of the impeccable sounds of the Oontz. And, we needed to keep half the PAX from building up points while they waited for the rest to finish–especially the ones not on YHC’s team.
    The time had come to share the foundational gift of the Classic Deck of Death. With the dawn of the newer F3 cards with a different exercise on each, the classic routine has fallen deep into the dark middle range of the Exicon. Well, not today! Today each suit represented an exercise, and it would remain that way for the duration–so, only four exercises, and the number on the card drawn would be the number of reps. But, the face cards are bad news–they mean high reps and a harder version of the exercise of their suit. The suits were assigned as follows:

    Hearts: Merkins; Face cards: 20 shoulder-tap merkins
    Clubs: V-ups; Face cards: 20 X-factors (lying spread eagle, hand goes up to meet opposite foot, like a half v-up)
    Spades: Bonnie Blairs; Face cards: 20 Goosies
    Diamonds: Curls (but 2x the rep numbers); Face cards: 40 curls
    All Aces: lap around the building

    You can imagine why YHC would have figured on racking up points, especially since YHC remembers getting almost through an entire deck during beatdowns on the Northshore. But, they didn’t do three rounds of Bonnie Blair Jurpees and a quarter-mile lap before starting. And, somehow it took an average of 30 seconds for each PAX to turn over a card, stare at it like it they were having to decipher some sort of ancient language, read it out to the group, and then half the PAX ask for him repeat it loudly because they couldn’t hear it over Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4”. So, we only got through about a third of the deck and one other Ace, which brought the total up to a measly half mile.
    Total numbers of reps were:
    -3 jurps
    -71 Merkins
    -59 Bonnie Blairs
    -55 V-ups (2:1 x-factors counted as 1)
    -78 Curls
    And, for those who ran a couple more laps after COT, 1 mile.

    YHC appreciated the PAX’s willingness to push through, especially the Bonnies and Goosies, despite the supposed promise of some fun games of chance. (Instead, they got “Just turn over the next card and we’ll do one of four things.”) Honestly, it’s more interesting when you know you’re gonna get through the whole deck, so the torturous cards are comin’…it’s only a matter of time before your luck runs out.

    Announcements, Animal shirt went to the well-deserving Hypotenuse, whose quiet perseverance is admirable, though YHC looks forward to when he starts slinging witty mud at YJ like the rest of us. America’s Best prayed us out.
    Lastly, it was awesome as YHC was driving out to see more than one of the men accompanying the still recovering Smooth around the civic center as he refused to not complete his mile. Proud to be a part of such an awesome crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose