F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • How The Goose Stole PAXmas, Vol. 2 – from Yankee Joe

    Following the PAXville beatdown this morning, Goose and Popeye were discussing mental toughness. That point where you are up against the wall, begging for the pain to end…for someone to save you. Popeye commented, “Well, it’s got to end at some point.” Through the endorphins kicking and my legs destroyed by humping monkeys, I was reminded of a similar sentiment.

    In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven, a Navy Seal, delivered a commencement speech at The University of Texas. No doubt, many of you are familiar with it. Adm. McRaven shared 10 lessons he learned from BUDS training, considered the most grueling trials the military has to offer. He shared these as advice to help the young graduates “change the world.” If you haven’t watched it, you should. The link is below.

    All of the lessons are relatable to civilian life, but it was #10 that most stood out to me. The lesson discussed a brass bell that hung in the center of the BUDS training facility, visible to all of the candidates.

    McRaven said, “All you have to do to quit is ring the bell.

    Ring the bell, and you no longer have to wake up at five o’clock.

    Ring the bell and you no longer have to be in the freezing cold swims.

    Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT, and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

    All you have to do is ring the bell to get out.

    If you want to change the world, DON’T EVER, EVER RING THE BELL.”


    ——————–

    Without hesitation, each of you, the Men of F3 Thibodaux, personify this idea. And perhaps none more than our stalwart Goose. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    When I started F3, it was about ME. I needed to get in shape. I needed an outlet. I needed to fit into my pants. I needed to make friends…like real adult, male friends.

    I needed…something.

    I believe Goose’s vision of F3 teaches us that those needs, while they may be important, only matter when they are pursued by virtue of servant leadership. As men, there can be no greater call than to love God through serving our families and our community.

    In this light, ‘never ringing the bell’ is not about working through our own pain, nor is it about serving our own needs. Rather, it is a decision to put our oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

    Our strength comes not from ‘Man Makers’, Goblet Squats, or Thrusters (well maybe for Wet Tap). By ringing the bell, we would give up on far more than just ourselves. The stakes are too high. It’s an awesome and terrifying charge.

    Of course, no man can do it alone, and that is where God and each of you come in. Every beatdown, every exercise, every rep, every prayer…I am surrounded by humble warriors who REFUSE to quit. Not for your own sakes, but for the call you CHOSE to answer.

    Goose, you are the definition of a servant leader. It would be impossible to describe the impact you have had on so many of us (cardboard cutouts of your likeness not excluded). Besides…your humility wouldn’t tolerate the praise anyway.

    Instead, I’ll just say, thank you. Thank you from all of us…for never, EVER ringing the bell.

    ——————–

    Last Stanzas from Today’s Story:

    “Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
    Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family

    Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he soon will move on

    In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll still carry on.

    Merry Christmas!

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ——————–

    The Ridiculous Beatdown

    Warmarama

    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills) – Prancer is a terrible movie, btw.
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Shark hops
    Partners
    Mosey to baseball field, bring coupons

    ——————–

    Tribute to Anker (For Unto Us a Child Is Born – Handel)

    “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).

    Burpees on: Son, Child, Wonderful, Counselor, God, Father, Prince of Peace (approx. 43 burpees)

    Thang 1: Goose Training Camp

    – Narration #1 (this was far toooo long)

    Dora’s
    – P1 runs
    – P2 J’Lo’s, Plank Jacks, Mountain Climbers, chilcutt peter parkers
    – Flapjack
    – Four sets
    Mosey to playground

    Roof Crawling Practice
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 20 derkins; traverse the apparatus, go down the slide, mosey back to partner
    – P2 does Genuflects
    – Flapjack
    Mosey to PAXville

    ——————–

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville

    – Narration #2

    House 1 – “Smooth Like Honey(suckle)” Home of the Smoothie Sting
    – AMRAP
    – P1 Nur to cone, sprint back
    – P2 monkey humpers
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 2 – “Dr. and Mr. Owens”
    – AMRAP
    – Man Makers
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 3 – “St. Cardinal Co-Cathedral and Coffee Co.”
    – AMRAP
    – T – BOMBs (start in crab position, legs out together, legs apart, legs out together, back to crab position
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 4 – “La Casa Drogas de Tana”
    – AMRAP
    – Pickleball volley
    – 2 burpees on every dropped ball

    House 5 – “EnRon We (Don’t) Trust”
    – AMRAP
    – Thrusters
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 6 – “Eye Candy Captains, LLC” Safety First, America’s Worst
    – AMRAP
    – The Jurp (by 10’s) – bet you can’t do more than three
    – Speed squats, Merkins, Mtn Climbers, Jump squats, LBCs

    ——————–

    Thang 3: Back to the Goose cave

    – P2 rides P1, flapjack at halfway point
    – Return to start, P2 rides P1 like a donkey, flapjack at halfway point
    – Sprint to Goose cave (Peltch Treehouse)

    ——————–

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway

    – Narration #3
    – Sprint back to PAXville and Goose returns PAX gifts

    Goose returns presents to the Pax

    – F3 Thib – 4th Wave (Class of 2023) – Black paint coupons
    – F3 Thib – 3rd Wave – Black and Maroon coupons
    – F3 Thib 2nd Wave – Black, Gold, and/or Maroon Coupons
    OG’s – Black and White with Gold trim Coupons
    Goose – White, Black and Gold Coupon

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    ——————–

    How The Goose Stole PAXmas

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked PAXmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated PAXmas! The whole PAXmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Pope’s athletic prowess prolly the reason.

    It could be because Goose hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Dox’s Mudgear shorts, was three sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on PAXmas Eve ISI’ing just to spite us

    He stared down from the Stage with an indignant, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along Lafourche Bayou

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting stupid GIF’s and jammin’ to Bieber’s Mistletoe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife who’s a doctor
    Dox claims to be one too which shamefully mocks her.

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the bad cadence that he always be bringin’

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen

    Then there was Cardinal, whoop sales-man of the cloth
    But watch him fake burpees, his sins point to sloth
    But he’s a priest with no equal, becoming a Bishop is next
    But God help you, oh good Lawd help you if you send a green text.

    Wet Tap jump squatting with coupons, that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo – that Jurptober had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz, bald head shiny like the sea
    That neck like a tree trunk, like Treebeard with Gris Gris
    A patriot among patriots, you’ll oft hear him decree
    “This is ‘Merica, Jack…Yee Yee!”

    He reflected on Superfun(d) and his posts that were laggin’
    But Fun(d) redeemed himself fully, naming Jeaux’s Prius the Douche Wagon.

    In a similar way, Fence Post showed up in stints,
    But without any postin’, we’ll just call him ‘Fence’

    He hated the youngsters who thought they were wicked SMAAHHT
    But Shart-’eh got more than he bargained for…
    that time he tried to FAAHHT

    Goldilox with calves as big as your head
    He’s a really nice guy — all the PAX said
    But when the three bears tried to scare him out of the bed
    Lox made a rug out of Papa Bear instead.

    The Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.
    But woe to those who judge, you’ll make The Saturdiddle List
    Beware three inch running shorts with a mustache emerging from the mist.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and Tana’s subsequent pickles
    With falafels in the kitchen and the cross court dinkin’
    Piccadilly’s doing Pickle Pounders for his bio on LinkedIn

    Then there’s Safety Valve and Honeysuckle whose beatdowns we dread
    They both claim to love you then play Christopher Cross instead.
    With the nurring, burping, and merking, they leave us for dead
    Imagine a Suckle – Valve twofer —
    hey, that’s what she said.

    But what about Smooth, always working the night shift
    After pickle pounders with Kilmer, we thought he might drift
    Instead he’s founding AO’s, he’s def here to stay
    The tougher the challenge, the more you’ll hear….OhhhKAYYYY!

    Goose considered Popeye, an OG of OG’s
    Juicy like the chicken, played out like Drew Brees
    Post hernia operation, F3’s ‘Welcome Back Cotter’
    I’m sure whining about his scar, just like Harry Potter.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to always face the worst
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis that he constantly nursed
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    For two SV500’s, he picked Pukee Jeaux –
    he HAS to be cursed.
    Speaking of Yankee Jeaux and his phonetics so fine,
    Did you know LILLICK is actually pronounced LIL-ITCH
    Then Ronnie – SCHREIT NEIN!

    STOP—————————————————————————–

    Narration #2 Before Lazy Dora in Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is PAXmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    Then he said, “I must find a way to keep PAXmas from coming!”

    “For, tomorrow, I know that ALL the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to the Den.”

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts! But That I hate the most.”

    It wasn’t just the abysmal GIF game that rankled his chest
    But also the old fart snark from America’s Best.
    This dude rolled up to a PAX of F3
    WIth Dad jokes, an electric truck and, an alleged hurt knee
    Then he said, “Wait, wait there’s more –
    I LOVE an extraneous JurPEE.

    Not to be outdone, the reigning king of the “No Show”
    French Horn, apparently hornless, has no horn to blow.
    True, his 80’s knowledge is well beyond measure
    His ability to use ‘Bruhhhh’ in every sentence?
    Well that’s the real treasure.

    So the Goose sat there honking…

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! Chatter!”

    And the more the Goose thought of the Pax PAXmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,
    “Is it me or am I getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty-one years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop PAXmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, self righteous idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 PAXmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to kill that stupid [bleep] Whoop.”

    “What a great Goosey TRICK!” he mumbled with snarls
    I’ll do a Bleep Test…you know, like a…DICK-ENS – comma – Charles!”

    STOP ——————————————————–

    Narration #3 Redemption Arc

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up – up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like an addict on AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no PAXmas is coming!”

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how it will go.
    Shamefully hitting snooze one time, maybe mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to the flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no PAXmas, not even an AO.”

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Goose, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Goose put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound was NOT, no it was not getting madder!
    Why, this sound sounded joyful – it sounded like chatter!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well Lil’ John asked Paradox the same question,
    “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was posting for a PAXmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped PAXmas from coming! It came!
    After having ten kids, it came just the same!

    And the Goose, with his Goose feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    “It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, Kool Jobs, or pinched nutsacks!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
    Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family

    Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he – soon – will – move – on

    In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll – still – carry – on.

    A Very Merry Christmas to Everyone!

  • The Samson – from Smooth Operator

    The Samson

    Attendance

    Goose

    Pope

    Yankee Jeaux

    Paradox

    Goldilox

    Wet Tap

    Americas Best

    Honey Suckle

    Safety Valve

    FNG (Tana)

    Lil Cuz

    Cardinal

    Piccadilly

    Smooth Operator

    YHC started planning this beatdown pretty much the same way I normally do. I read through the list of Saint’s feast day, I look at what happen throughout history on this day, and I read the daily mass reading for that particular day. Well, this time the 1st reading for 12/19 really stuck out to me. Judges Chapter 13 the origin story of Samson, is what YHC read. Samson happens to be the name of one of the babies YHC and his M lost a couple months ago. So, this story hit me like a ton of bricks, and I quickly read the rest of the story. You see originally, I thought about taking it easy on the PAX since I had been out of pocket for a couple of weeks, but as soon as I read this, YHC relinquished control for what was going to happen.

    YHC was allowed to switch over from day shift to night shift, on the morning of this Tuesday Tough. I even slept in a little and got to the Stage around 0430 to unload a couple tires and mauls. As YHC sat anxiously awaiting the PAX. 0505 came around and YHC was nervous, but the PAX came through for me. We were 14 strong for a brisk 40-degree Tuesday Tough.

    Warmarama

    SSH

    Imperial Walkers

    Windmills

    Arm Circles

    Cherry Pickers

    Butt Kicks

    High Knees

    A few things from the story I found inspiration from were:

    – He was consecrated a Nazirite from birth by an angel. A Nazirite is someone who will not eat or drink from the vines or strong drink, will not cut his hair, and will not touch a dead body.

    – Samson killed a lion with his bare hands.

    – He killed 30 Philistines over a riddle he gambled on.

    – He killed 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of a donkey.

    – After he was captured and had his eyes gouged out by the Philistines he pulled down a Philistine temple and killed himself and a whole lot of Philistines that were there mocking him.

    – Samson had superhuman strength when the Spirit of the Lord came upon him and brought him to victory over the Philistines.

    With those things in mind lets jump back to the workout.

    Thang 1

    The Samson

    After picking up the speaker, our coupons, and a pair of rims from Wet Tap, the Pax moseyed down to the old coupon corner for this morning’s insanity. Due to Samson killing 1030 Philistines I figured this would be a good round number of reps for the PAX as a collective to shoot for. All the PAX lined up on the first crack and awaited instruction. 1030 was divided by the total number of PAX in attendance and 77 total reps was the amount each PAX would be required to do to move to the next exercise. The PAX whom finished first could either help the slower PAX get to their number or wait for the PAX to finish and do pickle pounders since this was the sin that lead to Samson’s demise. 2 lucky PAX would be allowed to beat on a tire with a maul with all their reps counting to our total 1030. This seemed to be lost in translation from YHC and PAX and the tires became additional coupons for the likes of Wet Tap and Pope who performed admirably this morning. The PAX seemed to be mildly annoyed by the number of reps but were willing to get after it, until YHC mentioned that the first exercise was Lion Killers (Thruster) due to Samson killing a lion with his bare hands. You could have sworn that I kicked Yankee Jeaux’s cup of coffee over and took Tana’s pickle ball paddle. This response quickly caused YHC to say go and that worked pretty well to calm the storm. YHC put on some slower than I remembered music to get us through the beatdown. YHC crossed 40 when the American Beast hit 77 and begged me to let him do some of my reps. YHC let the exercise go for a couple minutes longer and allowed a couple other guys to cross the 77 rep threshold before I pulled the plug to get to part 2 of the exercise.

    Part 2 of the exercise is or mode of transport to the next street crack. Our mode of transport was moving like and inch worm with a J Lo in the middle of it. YHC calls these Delilah’s. Basically you extend your brick out as far as you can, drop your elbows on your block, perform a J Lo, and then get your feet to the edge of your block and repeat until you go past the second asphalted line in the concrete. This seemed to be less troublesome to the PAX than part one. After this came Part 3.

    Part 3 was about remembering where we came from. This means we would be running suicides all the way back to our starting spot. The thoroughbreds really shined on this part. After part 3 we would be ready for exercise 2 part 1. Note part 2 and 3 are repeated for each exercise.

    On the start of exercise 2 everyone seemed to accept the fact that we would be trying to take on the impossible… Or so I thought. YHC announced the next exercise being 77 WW3 sit ups and the ever quiet always chill Safety Valve looked at me like I had pink eye. After hearing his concern and doing a couple reps I quickly realized by golly he was right. After checking on the leader’s rep count YHC dropped the number of reps down to 25 and 25 WW2 sit-ups because he is a gracious Q. After this we performed Part 2 and Part 3 in the same manner as before.

    Exercise 3 happened to be YHC’s favorite exercise and would tie nicely into the theme of this beatdown. Man makers with a donkey kick was on the agenda, but due to time restrictions YHC cut out the donkey kicks. The donkey kicks were in there because Samson, filled with the Spirit of the Lord, killed 1000 Philistines with a jawbone of a donkey. Once YHC announced the exercise Boss Man Goose had a safety briefing on how to do a correct man maker, which gave YHC a chance to catch some wind since it seemed to not want to stay in the lunges. After this, YHC experienced some tremendous feats, such as Pope and Wet Tap knocking out the reps with tires instead of coupons and Cardinal and Dilly pushing their bodies to the limit and giving 100% effort. All in all, a couple people reached 77 and we quickly moved into Part 2. Part 3 was cut out due to time, so we wasted no time in jumping into exercise 4.

    Exercise 4 was a spur of the moment decision, and it was a good one. Coupon swings were called out and we did coupon swings till 0600. After this we hustled back to the Stage to count off.

    Once at the Stage we counted off. Lil Cuz announced he was feeling very Samsonish which tells YHC that a Part 2 will be needed for this saga. During COT we talked about RunCajunRun coming up and Saturday, Yankee Joe and Tana are having rival Christmas Q’s. For more information contact Tana, and Yankee. After this Pope prayed us out. This beatdown for me was all about putting your trust in God to give you the strength to get through what seems to be impossible. Just like Samson, we need to turn to God and trust his plan. Either good or bad outcome, God will get us through.

    Thanks for coming along with me fellas

    SYITG,

    Smooth Operator

  • Burpee, Merkin, Squat OH mile – from Safety Valve

    It was another cool morning at the stage with 6 of the PAX showing up this early Monday morning. YHC tried to throw the bait out there with a Forrest Gump reference. Who doesn’t love a good Forrest Gump theme? But alas, they are all privy to my ways now… Bait them in and come out with a workout that doesn’t even involve anything in the hype. Hate to see it.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Mountain climbers
    Toy soldiers
    Imperial walkers
    Willy mays hays
    Wind mills
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Self love

    The thang

    It’s simple. Run three miles, do 60 burpees, 80 merkins and 100 squats.

    Burpee mile – run a mile along rich man’s loop, stop at the previously determined stops (4 total) and do 15 burpees

    Merkin mile – do it again but add 5 to the rep count to make it 20 merkins at each stop

    Squat mile – plan was to make this 25 squats at each stop, but time was going to run short, so an Indian run mile took its place.

    Bonus: Every member of the PAX has his own mile pace. Goose for example, is like Forrest Gump, he just keeps going and never slows. Others, including myself, likes a more leisurely pace. To keep the PAX together, YHC devised a social experiment. At each stop along the mile, whoever made it to the exercise stops and completed the exercise had to hold 6 inches until everyone caught up and finished the exercise. Would Goose slow down to prevent himself from having to do more work? Would the slower members of the PAX speed up to help a Goose in need? I really thought that goose would be holding 6 inches for 3 minutes at each stop, but something miraculous occurred. We kept together where the 6 inch hold rarely happened. YHC thinks most of us would agree we ran faster than we would have if goose wasn’t there. A humble goose would never admit he ran slower than he wanted so the PAX would stay together. It was a beautiful thing.

    Finished with 1 minute of holding six inches while goose told a miraculous story that involved a man that was well endowed with more than 6 inches.

    COT, announcements, prayers lifted up, goose prayed us out.

    Always a pleasure to lead. Thanks for waking up, showing up, and pushing for a better version of yourself

  • We Are All Goose – from America’s Best

    “This is important.” Parting words from a random barefoot downranger (Squanto) on a random Thursday weeks ago.
    Those who agree also know what we owe to our Site Q, the O.G.
    When YHC heard Goose was moving, I began some soul searching (but mostly Internet searching) to figure out some way to keep him with us.
    Inspired by Paradox’s face-swap chops, YHC was looking for a life-size Goose-Goose faceswap. While the Internet provided what was wanted, it also provided what was (unknowingly) needed. In the search results, an old blogpost. Four words:
    “We Are All Goose”
    And with that, the beatdown was born.

    Negative DukeRider! The pattern is full. Get your landing gear down and roll that beauti-
    HOLD up, this is “We are all Goose,” not “We are all Dox”
    (Mental note for future beatdown)

    Warmarama amongst the swarm:
    SSH, windmills, arm circles, self love, maybe more, nobody’s reading this part anyway.

    “We are All Goose” lists 4 characteristics of Top Gun’s Goose. YHC translated each virtue to our fearless leader, and we began to cultivate our Goosiness.

    1. He talks the talk.

    This was originally “he’s the class clown,” but the spirit of it is that Goose ensures what he says is correct and inspiring. The exicon provided us Thang 1 here, with “Coach”:
    Thruple up. Man 1 does a pull-up and holds up position while Man 2 runs around the outbuilding. Meanwhile, Man 3 is Coach (Goose) and provides vocal support. Moroccan Night Clubs were added to Coach position for comedic impact.

    2. He’s got his friends backs

    True of Top Gun Goose and undeniably true of F3 Goose. And for Thang 2 the Exicon gives us
    “Tammy Wynette” (Stand by Your Man)

    Partner up. Man1 stands next to Man2 in high plank. Standing partner squats in unison with ground partner’s merkins. Switch places every 10. YHC decided to show some merkin-mercy here and changed it curls and leg lifts for a bit.

    3. He’s a family man

    Thang 3– Here YHC bastardized the Uptown 50 and fused it with Growing Pains (look them up, they’re in there!)

    MOT was typical parental nocturnal motions: Zombie walking, zombie crawling, and crab walk (result of the ninja move required to escape a sleeping kid’s bed)
    30 Little boys at the first stop, 30 big boys at the second, 30 Manmakers back at the start.
    The exact form of the zombie crawl is still unknown, but depending on the specific technique used, it will abrade part of your legs off.
    T-claps to Dox for suffering through his most hated exercises. Props to Pope for his music appreciation.

    Having raised boys to men, now we pivot to raising girls…
    Princess Tea Party (“This is in the Exicon”)
    Partner up, merkins facing one another, high five ya boy at the top.
    Then, back-to-back partner squats.

    (During this portion of the beatdown, Enron and YHC performed an exercise which will henceforth be know as the “Look Away!” and will never be spoken of again.)

    Which brings us to the final Goosy quality:

    4. He plays volleyball with his shirt on

    Shirtless Maverick plays volleyball IN JEANS. Goose keeps it real, is probably then best athlete, and doesn’t have anything to prove to anybody. Dude walks the walk. With quiet confidence.

    PAX divided into 3 teams. While one takes a run, the other 2 teams play volleyball. The catch: anytime the ball hits the ground, BOTH teams do 3 Goosies. Winner stays on and loser runs.

    YHC opened his big fat stupid mouth on one of these return runs:
    “Come on Goose, open up that stride.”
    Big mistake. Never challenge a Goose. YHC is still winded from trying to keep up.

    One last curveball, because when you’re a family man, just when you think you’ve earned a break, your kid says “Hold me.”
    Mountain climbers while Fleetwood Mac’s “Hold Me” plays. Coupon curl with each “hold me.”

    Back to the flag for Top Gun Anthem and Goose tailgate reveal.

    COT, Goose prayed us out.

    This one was for Goose, but it’s really for all of our F3 PAX. I’m inspired by every one of you. This is important.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

  • DIRTY PAX – from Yankee Joe

    As we near Christmas, you’ll find lost hooligan souls across the world celebrating the gift-giving game of White Elephant, sometimes referred to as Dirty Santa. The men of F3 Thibodaux are no less hooligans, and as such, seven PAX posted at the Den for our first Dirty Pax Exicon Gift Exchange.

    Cardinal, Goose, Pope, Lil’ Cuz, Goldilox, and Honeysuckle all deserved much worse than coal in their stockings. They needed the humility that can only be forged by cringe worthy Christmas songs.
    —————————————
    Warmarama
    The usual suspects with two Christmassy baubles tossed in…

    The Randy – from “A Christmas Story” when lilttle Randy’s coat was so big, he couldn’t move his arms – thus arms straight out to side, palms down, flapping 6 to 12 inches repeatedly.

    Tempo Jump Squats doing our best to mimic Santa jumping down and then up out of a chimney
    —————————————-
    Dirty PAX Setup

    – Pax in a circle with a pile of “gifts” in the middle. Each gift is an exercise.
    – Pax 1 chooses gift, reveals to PAX; PAX then completes exercise
    – Pax 2 chooses to steal Pax 1’s exercise or choose from the gift pile an so on
    – If a Pax gets his gift stolen, he needs to pick a new one, which the PAX then completes

    Rules:
    – Gifts can be stolen only twice before it is locked in
    – For each exercise, the PAX completes the chosen gift AMRAP for two minutes to a carefully curated musical stink bomb of YHC’s choice.

    Objective:
    – The gift/exercise you end up with is the exercise you will do AMRAP for the last five minutes of the beatdown. So, being strategic about which exercise you hold at the end is essential.

    NOTE: This did not happen. YHC was having too much fun with the (awful) playlist along with the ridiculousness of two-minute HIITs.

    Potential Gifts:

    burpees
    mtn climbers
    SSH
    gas pumpers
    J-Lo’s
    jump squats
    apollo ono’s
    high knee imperial walkers (for speed)
    shark hops – plank jack on each hop (3 per rep)
    25 yrd suicide ascending and descending
    hand release merkins
    25 yard bear crawl/crab walk back
    T-Bomb
    sweat angels
    The Bruce and the Cait
    Goosey’s
    hydraulic humpers
    sandstorm
    Jiminy Crickets
    star crunches

    =================================

    How It Went Down (in no particular order)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: The Bruce and The Cait (Merkin with one leg crossed over the other; switch legs at bottom of merkin)

    Song: “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber (nothing like serenading “shawty” on Christmas)

    *You will find further commentary at the end of the blast
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hand Release Merkins

    Song: “Christmas In Hollis” by Run D.M.C.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Shark Hops (like a dolphin hop, but on each “hop” do a plank jack; the dolphin hop is dead)

    Song: “Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer” by Elmo and Patsy
    ——————————————–
    GIft: Goosey’s (bonnie blair into a jump squat; after the shark hops, these were especially miserable)

    Song: “What You Want for Christmas” by Quad City D.J.s (this is a real banger and should be on everyone’s Christmas playlist)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Sandstorm (full vertical, jump repeatedly with arms straight up)

    Song: As Lil’ Cuz and others pointed out, the song should have been Sandstorm by Darude, but alas, ‘tain’t the season. So, “Drummer Boy” by Justin Bieber and (wait for it) Busta Rhymes
    ——————————————–
    Gift: J-Lo’s

    Song: “Last Christmas” by Wham (a guilty pleasure of many, most notably, Montana)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: T-Bomb (crab position, shoot legs straight, feet together; then legs straight and spread, then feet back together and legs straight, then back to crab)

    Song: “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?” By Augie Rios

    *This gift was intended to be the exercise of Cardinal’s dreams. It ended up being a nightmare for all of us.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hydraulic Humpers (monkey humper, at the NADIR of the humper, double genuflect, then finish the humper)

    Song: “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham

    *There was initial debate between El Ganzo and YHC over the definition of ‘nadir’, however, Honeysuckle spoke his truth and the matter was settled. Then there was debate about the mechanics of the humper -again – from the head honko, which then opened the gates for the rest of the PAX to start honking.

    Once we started and achieved some sort of rhythm, the mechanics fell into place. These were brilliant…with the genuflects at the NADIR of the humper, your glutes and quads are engaged the entire time. The hydraulic humper brought us to the NADIR of the beatdown. I wasn’t sure we would recover. The nadir line is that we need to see these again.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Apollo Ono’s

    Song: “All I Really Want for Christmas” by Lil’ John feat. Kool Aid Man
    ——————————————–

    There was a last gift, but I can’t remember what it was. What’s important is that it was accompanied by the musical stylings of “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by NYSNC.

    YHC called off the torture (the exercises were kinda tough too) with three minutes remaining. To finish, the PAX did 25 yard suicides in increments of five, then once at the 25-yard mark, crab walk back to start.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    Though my timing was off a bit on this one, I couldn’t catch my breath from laughing so hard…well, that and the Goosey’s.

    ===========================

    A Quick Cup of Jeaux:

    I just assume the conversation between Bieber and his producers went like this:

    Producers: Hey Lil’ J, we were thinking…well…in consideration of the fact that you sing like a girl, and that you have blond streaks in your hair, and that you wear low hip, tapered, skinny jeans, and that you’re like 12 years old…

    Bieber: Guiltyyyyy!

    Producers: Yeahhh…Well, we’d like you to change some of your lyrics to stay more on brand.

    Bieber: Ummm…ok. Should I start lifting weights? Wear straight fit jeans?

    Producers: Soo yeah…actualy, we’d like you to replace the word “girl” in your songs with “shawty.”

    Bieber: Aww yeahhh…Hizzy to the yizzy!

    Producers: Also, any chance you’d be willing to drive a Prius?

  • ADVENTure Wreath 2: Cawn all Ye Faithful – from Paradox

    Here at F3 on da Bayou traditions abound new and old
    And you’ll need more than Frozen grass and dank gloves to scare the bold
    We’ve got Journeys to Bethlehem with starry coupon skies while Santa Valve and his McLevens ignore your cries
    Frozen war stories on Tap at the Peltch with a sweet smell of Air biscuits no freshener can squelch
    Smooths at the stage so the cheetahs can roam as We wait on the porch for #Tanacomehome
    The ageless wonders of Rienzi plan beatdowns where shoes are nice and you know Diddles making his list and checking it twice.
    Thus yHC found his old beatdown with all four candles and added some new flames to prevent love handles.

    Duke! Too early for eggnog !
    roll the bean footage!!

    9 pax rolled in ready for ADVENTure with Pope and Goose helping YHC put the finishing touches on the lazer light cawnz.
    Even an illusion of warmth was appreciated at a brisk 36 degrees!

    F3 Thibodaux lore dictates an ADVENTure wreath (TM) to have 4 components :
    1: Heavy Coupon work
    2: Matt Mahers Advent of Christmas Album( highly recommended)
    3: Pyrotechnics
    4 : 1 pax complaining about cold grass

    We had 1-3 all ready to go but YHC was concerned about #4 until our local clergymen arrived a tad late. There…now we have all 4!!
    let’s get after it

    Standard Warmup where we actually have to raise our core temperature and maybe the first beatdown of the year without bug spray. We couldn’t give Wet Tap the sweet victory of groans from Saturdays Iron Tap Challenge so we suffered in cold silence during the regular fare plus heavy MCs.

    Bumper Mosey where I complimented Valves neck gaiter and he silently asked me to never speak again. It’s ok we are in a “rough patch “ but nothing a Panera gift card can’t fix.

    Field update *
    Continued Coupon Vandalism was discovered at the bumper!!
    Two more coupon soldiers lost in senseless violence RIP

    As Q during this discovery I’ve compiled a list of ppl most likely to harm an F3 coupon ..

    Top Suspect list :
    -CrossFit CrabTrap
    -Cardinal
    -CrossFit HomeBrew
    -Cardinal
    -Thib Regional Wellness Center
    -Cardinal
    -some misguided youths

    Investigation pending …

    Back at the stage before launching into the wreath we had to
    1. Clear our heart
    2 make straight the path

    Cawns were lined up on the far side of the stage and Pax were split into teams. Goal was to run to cawns, 3 burpees , Nur back and put your cawns in a skrait line
    It was during this explanation that YHCs vernacular hit 9.8 Homers on the redneck meter and only Gooses deep beatdown knowledge could translate what was about to happen. (Cone=Comb=Cawn)
    Ended up 14-14 tie and our path was nice and strait. Sorry they didn’t have your fancy “speech therapy” at the Homer dollar general.

    Da main Thang

    Setup: 4 cones spread out on picnic tables and one larger in center lit by an assortment of family flashlights and headlamps. This works best if your 2.0s ask why you are taking their headlamp and you explain to them it’s to keep your friends out of the fartsack. Shortly followed by an invite from your M to consider p90x again.

    Rifle Carry to first corner

    1st week – Hope/Prophecy candle
    “Hope for Everyone “ Matt Maher (Advent of Christmas )
    Hold coupon chest level w high knees
    Goblet sqat on “Hope “
    YHC hoped the goblet squats will cure genetic no acetol but maybe next year.

    Partner up for 100 thrusters
    P1 Heels to Heaven
    10 Thrusters each round then flip flop

    Rifle carry to next cone

    2nd week – Peace
    Bethlehem candle

    1st corner , 2 donkey kicks 4 merkins
    rifle carry to next cone and increase by 2:4 until complete with 8 DK/16 merkins
    This explanation was met with so much silence and eye contact avoidance YHC felt like the Salvation Army bell ringer at Walmart.

    A few 10 counts later

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Week 3
    Joy/Shepard Candle

    Leave the 99 , save the 1 .

    Start in circle
    Send 1 pax to the stage for 10 step ups and he selects an ab exercise while he is gone. AMRAP till he returns.
    several ab exercises while taking turns rescuing the 1
    Highlighted by JLos and WW3 sit-ups (Yote has started an unstoppable trend…smh)

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Week 4 Love/ Angel candle
    “He Shall reign Forevermore” Matt Maher
    Coupon hops And Burpees on Reign
    Great prep for skiiing season.

    Finished up at the Purity Candle
    With Mary
    Leg raises, LBCs, AHs

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Grateful for you guys and the stability that God provides with our brotherhood.

    Wrapped up with a solemn sweeping of the remnants of our inanimate coupon brethren.
    Good night sweet coupon princes.
    You calloused our hands but softened our hearts.

    You’re 5000 candles in the wind..

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Abstravaganza – from Safety Valve

    It was a chilly morning at The Den. Seven of the PAX decided they were up for a little cold weather. Looking at the forecast, YHC knew we had to continue moving to stay warm. This, coupled with a Smooth request for an entire ab workout on the previous beatdown day, YHC came up with the following:

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Mountain climbers
    Arms circles forward and backward

    Thang 1

    6 rounds of Dora – partner 1 does exercise, partner 2 runs around civic center, then switch, before changing places each time partners have to do a buy in of 3 burpees.
    100 crunchy frogs
    200 Freddy mercs
    300 LBCs
    400 Penguins
    200 crunchy frogs
    300 Freddy mercs

    To be honest, YHC thought this would take longer than what it did. The PAC breezed through core work. So YHC just added more and more exercises until 10 minutes remained.

    Thang 2
    Burp Mlcleven = 11s with burpees and merkins. Brought us to the end of time perfectly, even though AB continued to want more and tried to convince the PAX there was still 14 minutes remaining.

    COT, announcements, prayer request, and pope prayed us out.

    YHC never misses a chance to grant a workout request from another member of the PAX. Thank you Smooth for the idea. Appreciate everyone for getting up and showing up. Always great to lead this group of men.

  • Frisbee and Burpees – from Fracsac

    The Mothership happened today with a visit by Goose from Thibodaux. Ballast, Heisenberg, Revit, Catfish, Bongo, Dax, Tool, Kennah Brah, Squints, and YHC brought us to 11.

    Disclaimer made, then mosey.

    Warmup at the peristyle with some regular stuff and included TIE Fighters. #IYKYK
    Ended warmup with a mental challenge. Count to 16 SSH in cadence than to 22 in silence. Penalty for non compliance was 10 burpees. Spoiler alert: we did 10 burpees.

    Move to great lawn for variation of BLIMPS to recognize NDSU in FCS playoffs. 5 more burpees ‘cause the pax called their mascot a buffalo.
    1 cone in the middle with 5 cones on the outside. Start with 5 burpees in the middle and then bear crawl to an outside cone to do next exercise. Always return to middle cone for 5 burpees.
    10 Lunges, 15 IW, 20 ‘mericans, 25 PJ, 30 squats.

    Mosey for a while with a Bison run. Last man sprints to front of column and tosses frisbee to last man, continue until all get a shot.

    Ring of fire in front of sculpture garden entrance. ‘Mericans, squats and then monkey humpers (just as a nun was walking by – not my best day).

    Mosey and pass the frisbee across at least 4 pax. 5 burpees for the one drop.

    11s at the bridge behind Cafe du Monde. Jump squats on one side and V-ups on the other side.

    Some frisbee practice at Pops band stand with SSH.

    Finish with some Mary then back to the flag.

    55 burpees total. #ironsharpensiron

    CoT

    SYITG

  • 12/3 International Cheetah day – from Smooth Operator

    12/3 work out
    Today is international Cheetah day

    Lil cuz
    Goose
    Hand Granade
    Wet tap
    Cardinal
    Pope
    Safety valve
    Yankee jeaux

    YHC Arrived running later than normal from a night shift with only 15 minutes of prep time due to a busy night at work. Prep time equaled 5 minutes of googling a theme for today, 5 minutes exicon searching for any work out that had to do with animals, 5 minutes of thinking about old beatdown exercises. After this I roughly wrote down some stuff between busting pipe flanges loose and steaming out equipment.
    Warmarama

    We did normal warm up exercises.

    After warmarama, we partnered up and chose a ball (baseball, tennis ball, football) then headed to the financial planner parking lot.
    Thang 1
    Wheel of Animal Walk

    This one was taken off from of exicon and was the only thing that had any kind of connection to international cheetah day.the only thing YHC did was substitute Crab walks for lunge walks. It went like this
    Frog Hop across, do 10 Merkins. Bear Crawl across, do 10 Merkins. Duck Walk across, do 10 Merkins. Lunge walk across, do 10 Merkins

    Thang 2
    Relay race

    After that we played the relay race game chiding between a baseball, football, and tennis ball. The rules are you can only advance the ball by throwing it to your partner. The race took place around rich man’s loop and back to financial office parking lot. The penalty for a dropped pass was 5 burpees. After game wet tap and hand grenade the winners of the race did 20 star jumps while the rest of us losers did 30 monkey humpers.

    Thang 3
    Bear crawl suicides

    Upon completion of that we went to financial parking lot and did bear crawl suicides to each yellow line in parking lot. The kicker is partner 2 will doing a-rods while partner 1 is bear crawling to the next line and back.

    Thang 4

    After this YHC made a game time decision and we headed to the hwy 308 side walk to do a game called You Honk We Burpee as per Lil Cuz. Basically the game is every time a car passes do a burpee. Due to slow than normal traffic, YHC decided with the last 6 minutes we would do 6 minutes of Mary. The order went like this. Goose called out Dr. W, Yankee called out dolphin hops in honor of Dr. Dox. Lil Cuz called out penguins. Wet Tap called out tempo leg raises. Around this time Lil Cuz had voiced a great idea which involved temp squats. YHC stopped Mary 2 minutes short and we did tempo squats on Wet Tap’s count until 0600.

    After the 2 minutes of tempo squats we did Cot where Safety Valve passed the animal shirt to Hand Grenade (our local down ranger who kicked butt today) and prayed out. Special intention for Lil Cuz’s M and new 2.0. Thanks for dealing with my 15 minutes of planning.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • Journey to Bethlehem (Remix) – from Enron

    While pondering what to put together for today’s beatdown, YHC went through the rolodex of previous Qs and decided to pull one out from this time last year and add a few tweaks to it. Since the PAX has grown significantly in the last year, the belief was there would not be too many people that attended last year and this year. Fortunately, according to records, this assumption was correct and only Goose and Paradox had to run through this one twice.
    After arriving to the Stage to an awaiting Paradox, 6 more pax trickled in. Some chatter ensued around Run Cajun Run’s arrival early next year and the potential modifications to the platform. It looks like there may be some exciting changes in the works. Looking forward to seeing what that may be.
    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, AC, Cherry Pickers, MNCs, Willie Mays Hayes, IW, high Knees, butt kicks, bumper mosey to pick up coupons.
    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem (Remix)
    We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days. A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.
    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich man’s loop, where 15ish light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.
    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:
    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 30 Mountain climbers
    Walk through the Jordan River – Lunge walk with coupon to the next pole
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- This ended up being only a donkey kick
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 40 Coupon Curls (this triggered all of Paradox’s bear knowledge to be revealed)
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 20 Goblet Squats
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 5 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Squats with Coupon on Shoulder
    Turned away at the Inn – Bear crawl halfway to light poll and crab walk back
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: the Abvent Calendar

    YHC put a bag full of 25 Ab exercises in a bag and we went around the circle pulling one and performing that exercise.
    Thanks again to Goose for the amusing “camping” story during our 2 minute 6” hold to distract us. This story needs to be revisited. We ended up making it around the circle of 8 PAX one time before calling time.

    The following were the days of the Abvent Calendar:
    50 LBCs
    25 BBSU
    20 WW1 Sit Ups
    1 Minute 6” hold
    2 Minute 6” Hold
    50 Penguins
    25 Dolphin Hops
    Alphabet
    20 Dr. W’s
    25 Freddie Mercs
    20 Nolan Ryans
    20 V-Ups
    25 Heals to Heaven
    20 Hello Dolly’s
    20 Gas Pumps
    15 Leg Raises
    1 – 10 count
    10 6” scissor kicks
    10 Superman’s
    10 Scuba Steve’s
    25 LBCs
    10 BBSU
    1 – 10 count
    10 crunchy frogs
    10 Gas Pumps

    COT and Goose prayed us out. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.

    Till next time,
    Enron